I remember experiencing this kind of junk from people when I was on Staff. They had this whole mentality of not letting the sun go down on their wrath and getting things worked out as soon as possible. That might be all fine and dandy, but sometimes it takes someone more than 5 minutes to sort out their thoughts. It's not that you are even letting it ruin your life, you are thinking through the situation in your own mind to figure out what the heck happened sometimes.
Man, oh, Man, I remember craig yelling about that....and then Moneyhands following suit. I can't tell you how many nights my ex and I got no sleep because he just wouldn't let something "go". I'd tell him I need to sleep on it and think about things for a bit, but NO, we have to settle this NOW!
I'm not so quick on my feet and it takes me a while to be able to put things into perspective and proper wording to accurately communicate. He doesn't need that and would push and push and push and then when I'd try to explain my point of view; he'd throw things back in my face....well, of course I sound like I don't know what I'm talking about! I need time to sort it out in my head - if you don't give me that time - then yes, you're going to get a mish-mash of feelings, perceptions and contraditory statements. It's really hard to think when you just really need some sleep.
"I am trying to focus on what is going on right now! You correct error with what is right. So by putting on that which is correct you eliminate error. "
Part of doing what is correct is to apologize too those you've harmed and make amends for the wrongs you have done, no? Am I inccorrect in my understanding RickyG?
So, where is that happening in TWI? I know it sure isn't happening in my area. Has Rosalee apologized for covering up LCM's many many affairs? Has she even acknowledged her role in it?
If not, then it sounds to me more like they are trying to sweep it under the rug, not correct error.
"get over it" may not be the best words to use, but the sentiment can actually be very useful. in my experience, you have to decide to get over it before you can actually get over it. sometimes, a big reason people DON'T get over something is because they've decided not to. they may not think of it that way, but folks often decide to hold on to things, when they could let them go. they think "i'm not ready," or "it's too soon," and insist that they have more wallowing to do. (i realize the word "wallowing" may offend some, but i think it's a pretty accurate word to use.)
my point is, if they didn't reject the idea of getting over it, they might find they get over it sooner. whatever "it" is. yes, people are different, and some are more predisposed to letting things go than others. but there is an element of choice in these things.
of course, that's just my experience. but i've had lots of it.
but there is an element of choice in these things.
Well...yes. Isn't that exactly the point?
I mean, if choice is removed from the picture, then it's just doing what one is told/expected to do...which isn't really healing at all...it's just the SOSDD (same old s*it, different day).
Having control over one's own life is the epitome of healing. Why would anybody consider that taking that away from people would be 'healing'?
before i respond, belle, please tell me--are you as angry as your last post reads, or am i reading into it?
cool waters, you know as well as i do that sometimes we (all of we) get stuck in a mental or emotional ditch, and need a little push to get out. believe me, i'm not advocating giving up control of your life. but we all could use a helpful kick in the butt once in a while. the thought being "maybe you should stop what you're doing and thinking, which doesn't seem to be helping you, and just let go of it." and that's how i see "get over it."
I think that just because someone posts about the horrors they went through in TWI, and their struggle to overcome such, does not mean that in their real life they have not 'overcome' to the point they are leading productive, healthy lives. The purpose of this board is to expose the underside of TWI, afterall.
I get the impression sometimes that posters that are new to this site see people who have huge horrible experiences in TWI as being some type of one note, frozen in time, when that is not the case.
Sometimes I think 'get over it' really means 'shut up I don't want to hear it'.
If someone really cares about someone who is obviously damaged and hurting, wouldn't they try to help in some small way? Try to get to know them, at least?
Sorry, Sprawled Out - I'm not mad. I genuinely want to know what folks mean when they talk about getting over "it". It seems so easy to say, but I can't find anyone who can tell me how to know when you're "over it".
It's kind of like someone said before - TWI would tell us to "renew our mind" and that just meant "quitcher b1tchin' and do what we told you to do." If you were doing that with the stepford smile on your face, then your mind was "renewed".
I was mad when I read SunnyFla's post and I'm upset that she has only come on to attack instead of really discuss what she meant by her statements....*shrug*, but that just tells me she wasn't sincere.
You posted honestly, at least I hope so, that's why I'm asking....when you tell people to "get over it" what kind of response are you expecting? When and how do you determine that they've done what you said to do and why do you tell people to "get over it"?
cool waters, you know as well as i do that sometimes we (all of we) get stuck in a mental or emotional ditch, and need a little push to get out. believe me, i'm not advocating giving up control of your life. but we all could use a helpful kick in the butt once in a while. the thought being "maybe you should stop what you're doing and thinking, which doesn't seem to be helping you, and just let go of it." and that's how i see "get over it."
OK...I hear ya.
However it has been my experience that the 'helpful kick in the butt' comes from one-on-one relationships built over time...where trust of one's motives, one's understanding, one's honesty, one's sincere caring has been determined...and the 'helpful kick in the butt' is received as lovingly as it was given.
There's no way in God's green earth that anybody who hasn't built that type of one-on-one relationship with me has any clue as to when or even if I need any kick in the butt.
Especially someone who swoops in from nowhere, has never even tried to build any one-on-one relationship or even read what is written instead of what he/she selects, points fingers, calls names, pronounces unilateral judgments and then runs away complaining that nobody loves them.
Great advice Sprawled, so loving and full of wisdom!
How old are you? 13? 19? young and in college?
You're obviously still in TWI.
Maybe you should have a few laps around the track of life before you give out this insipid, pathetic "insight" (a "useful kick in the butt") to other people's lives and problems.
Let's not forget that what in the real world is considered 'bullying' is in TWI world considered speaking the truth in love, giving someone a kick in the pants, and the leader who does it often is sooo spiritual, rooting out weakness yadayadayuck.
belle, i wish i had a more definitive answer for you, but i think you're the only one who truly knows when you're over it. in general, i guess you know it when whatever "it" is doesn't kick up a huge emotional response anymore. when you can just deal with it, talk about it, whatever, in a matter-of-fact way. or at the very least, when it has less of a presence in your life--know what i mean? when it's no longer lurking in the background as you go about your day.
sunesis--is there a particular reason you'd want to be so nasty? i can't see anything i said that should evoke such a response. first of all, you're wrong on all counts. i'm 51 years old, and i've been out for nearly 20 years. i'm afraid you're the one who sounds like they're still in the way. insipid? pathetic? can't see how i deserved that. i don't think i've had someone talk to me that way since i WAS still in. maybe you should know what the heck you're talking about before you go on the attack.
Thanks, Sprawled Out, I see what you're saying and, in the context of CW's post, I agree.
It's these folks who come on here knowing absolutely nothing about us and feel righteous and indignant to tell us what's wrong with us when they haven't a clue that get my blood boiling. They're the ones who need to just get over themselves, imo.
I don't reaad alot of posts from innies saying there is stuff wrong with people here. How many documented innies post on here? any estimate count. And if they do voice thier opinion whats the big deal Belle? Have to read your posts too. Or is this just a Way bashing site where no other opinions are tolerated? Most people I have talked to welcome my opinion as an innie so I guess you will just have to deal.
question to the women. Any women ever tell their husbands to "get over it." Just wondering if there is a gender issue here too.
ricky, I gave the latest example in my first post and SunnyFla responded further down with venom. I'm not going to go through the archives to find others for you - there's a search button at the top of the page if you want to look for them.
There's nothing wrong with sharing one's opinion and I never said that and I don't recall complaining about you saying anything along those lines.
Furthermore, I don't recall ever complaining about your opinion or sharing it. I may have disagreed with your opinion, but that's a totally different subject.
If you do insult or hurt people I will report your post to the moderators, but as GSpot is pretty lenient about letting people say whatever they want, I will just eventually ignore you as I do other posters who aren't worth my time. :)
I didn't refer to innies at any point in time that I can see in this thread - it certainly wasn't started out referring to innies at all...."new posters" yes, but not "innies".
I think you're trying to make this thread about something it isn't.
I am interested deeply in all of these posts, and the pharase...JUST GET OVER IT...is probably one of those things that will certainly be different for everyone.
However, if you are one of the one's affected by someone else who just cant get over it, I guess you have your own choices to make...and sometimes in making those other people just may very well........get over it a little faster. We cannot live in a timecapsule that says...hey, I got hurt....validate me, feel sorry for me and let me grieve for 10 years....unless we ourselves are willing to let others do what they need to do with that information. You can be there for someone, and NO ...it doesnt matter how long you have or have not known someone if you CARE...(how long did Jesus know the woman with the issue of blood)...ITS ABOUT what ALL people involved are willing to deal or not deal with. For some, they are patient and kind...much like the bible tells us to be....and for others...they are wise and peaceful, and may need to move away from YOUR hurt. None of us corners the market on "JUST GET OVER IT" and even though it hurts...and we all have to heal....its still somewhat of a selfish state of mind to be in, sorry...but its true. and if you dont think that I myself have had my fair share of hurt to deal with, you are sadly mistaken...but I own it, its mine, and I will do or not do what I need to about it. HOPEFULLY though, the sun WILL come out tommorrow and I dont need to spend a good chunk of my life dealing with it. And sorry, sometimes...god does put people in our lives to try and help us, and we just are "so hurt" THAT CERTAINLY no one can possibly understand my pain but me. BS. I also say, turn to Isaiah and read who JESUS CHRIST came for....hmmmmm.......could it possibly be the "broken hearted"?? If you want someone to help you get over it, there is a good start.
well.. trying to resolve things "before the sun goes down" is IMO a lofty goal... I too thought that was the way to handle things... of course, I was also single for a long time... then...
I married a woman who was more stubborn than I am... :blink:
Sprawled Out, your advice of giving someone a kick in the butt is pathetic and insipid, why should you be offended? Its true. That was your advice. That advice sounds like someone who's still in. I disagree with your advice. Its too pat, and uncaring.
My point is, that the advice to give people a kick in the butt, is unloving and uncaring.
If you feel the way to help people is to give them a "kick in the butt" - more power to you.
But don't be upset when you get called on it and others think your advice is a little callous.
Sounds like I gave you a little "kick in the butt" and you don't like the taste of your own medicine.
your entitled to your opinion, sunesis. i don't much care if you agree with me or not, but calling what i said insipid and pathetic was uncalled for. can't you disagree without putting down?
but just to make sure i'm clear--you think my "little kick in the butt" advice is insipid and pathetic, so you thought you should give me a little kick in the butt? NOW i get it!
the truth is, i think you completely misunderstood me. maybe you thought what i said sounded "innish" to you and so it colored your perception. or maybe you're just responding to the phrase "kick in the butt." i get how some might have a problem with that, but i think i explained just what i meant. i'm tempted to re-explain, but perhaps if you took a breath and re-read the two things i said you'd see.
I guess Sprawled out, having spent my youth and adulthood in TWI, corps grad, staffer for 5 yrs., I know, when anyone was an annoyance, or not toeing the TWI party line, or if something bad happened to them, they were told to "get over it," "move on," "renew your mind," etc. And of course, if they didn't "get over it" according to TWI's timeline, there was a gentle kick, and if that didn't work, they were out - very quickly.
So, to me, get over it, kick in the butt, etc., is someone's way of avoiding dealing with someone or something and is the antithesis of the love of Christ.
Yes, there are situations where tough love is needed, but to me, that would be only after exhausting all other options.
Nothing against you Sprawl. Its great to see new people on here :)
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oldiesman
Why thank you Ricky. :)
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Belle
Man, oh, Man, I remember craig yelling about that....and then Moneyhands following suit. I can't tell you how many nights my ex and I got no sleep because he just wouldn't let something "go". I'd tell him I need to sleep on it and think about things for a bit, but NO, we have to settle this NOW!
I'm not so quick on my feet and it takes me a while to be able to put things into perspective and proper wording to accurately communicate. He doesn't need that and would push and push and push and then when I'd try to explain my point of view; he'd throw things back in my face....well, of course I sound like I don't know what I'm talking about! I need time to sort it out in my head - if you don't give me that time - then yes, you're going to get a mish-mash of feelings, perceptions and contraditory statements.
It's really hard to think when you just really need some sleep.
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Abigail
Amen, Belle
"I am trying to focus on what is going on right now! You correct error with what is right. So by putting on that which is correct you eliminate error. "
Part of doing what is correct is to apologize too those you've harmed and make amends for the wrongs you have done, no? Am I inccorrect in my understanding RickyG?
So, where is that happening in TWI? I know it sure isn't happening in my area. Has Rosalee apologized for covering up LCM's many many affairs? Has she even acknowledged her role in it?
If not, then it sounds to me more like they are trying to sweep it under the rug, not correct error.
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sprawled out
yikes.
"get over it" may not be the best words to use, but the sentiment can actually be very useful. in my experience, you have to decide to get over it before you can actually get over it. sometimes, a big reason people DON'T get over something is because they've decided not to. they may not think of it that way, but folks often decide to hold on to things, when they could let them go. they think "i'm not ready," or "it's too soon," and insist that they have more wallowing to do. (i realize the word "wallowing" may offend some, but i think it's a pretty accurate word to use.)
my point is, if they didn't reject the idea of getting over it, they might find they get over it sooner. whatever "it" is. yes, people are different, and some are more predisposed to letting things go than others. but there is an element of choice in these things.
of course, that's just my experience. but i've had lots of it.
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CoolWaters
Well...yes. Isn't that exactly the point?
I mean, if choice is removed from the picture, then it's just doing what one is told/expected to do...which isn't really healing at all...it's just the SOSDD (same old s*it, different day).
Having control over one's own life is the epitome of healing. Why would anybody consider that taking that away from people would be 'healing'?
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Belle
Sprawled Out,
How do you know when someone's gotten "over it"?
What if you're wrong?
What does it mean anyway?
Does it mean never speaking or thinking of the past?
Does it mean pretending that it never happened?
Does it mean no longer hurting?
Who decides when someone has "gotten over it"?
What's the criteria for that?
Why does someone who doesn't know you even care if you've "gotten over it"?
How do they feel that it's okay to tell me to "get over it"" What makes it their business anyway?
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sprawled out
double yikes.
before i respond, belle, please tell me--are you as angry as your last post reads, or am i reading into it?
cool waters, you know as well as i do that sometimes we (all of we) get stuck in a mental or emotional ditch, and need a little push to get out. believe me, i'm not advocating giving up control of your life. but we all could use a helpful kick in the butt once in a while. the thought being "maybe you should stop what you're doing and thinking, which doesn't seem to be helping you, and just let go of it." and that's how i see "get over it."
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Bramble
I think that just because someone posts about the horrors they went through in TWI, and their struggle to overcome such, does not mean that in their real life they have not 'overcome' to the point they are leading productive, healthy lives. The purpose of this board is to expose the underside of TWI, afterall.
I get the impression sometimes that posters that are new to this site see people who have huge horrible experiences in TWI as being some type of one note, frozen in time, when that is not the case.
Sometimes I think 'get over it' really means 'shut up I don't want to hear it'.
If someone really cares about someone who is obviously damaged and hurting, wouldn't they try to help in some small way? Try to get to know them, at least?
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Belle
Sorry, Sprawled Out - I'm not mad. I genuinely want to know what folks mean when they talk about getting over "it". It seems so easy to say, but I can't find anyone who can tell me how to know when you're "over it".
It's kind of like someone said before - TWI would tell us to "renew our mind" and that just meant "quitcher b1tchin' and do what we told you to do." If you were doing that with the stepford smile on your face, then your mind was "renewed".
I was mad when I read SunnyFla's post and I'm upset that she has only come on to attack instead of really discuss what she meant by her statements....*shrug*, but that just tells me she wasn't sincere.
You posted honestly, at least I hope so, that's why I'm asking....when you tell people to "get over it" what kind of response are you expecting? When and how do you determine that they've done what you said to do and why do you tell people to "get over it"?
Sincerely curious. :)
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CoolWaters
OK...I hear ya.
However it has been my experience that the 'helpful kick in the butt' comes from one-on-one relationships built over time...where trust of one's motives, one's understanding, one's honesty, one's sincere caring has been determined...and the 'helpful kick in the butt' is received as lovingly as it was given.
There's no way in God's green earth that anybody who hasn't built that type of one-on-one relationship with me has any clue as to when or even if I need any kick in the butt.
Especially someone who swoops in from nowhere, has never even tried to build any one-on-one relationship or even read what is written instead of what he/she selects, points fingers, calls names, pronounces unilateral judgments and then runs away complaining that nobody loves them.
Ya know?
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Sunesis
Great advice Sprawled, so loving and full of wisdom!
How old are you? 13? 19? young and in college?
You're obviously still in TWI.
Maybe you should have a few laps around the track of life before you give out this insipid, pathetic "insight" (a "useful kick in the butt") to other people's lives and problems.
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WordWolf
I disagree about "in twi."
Remember,
getting yourself out of twi, for some of us, was 20 minutes and
the bum's rush out the door.
However,
getting twi out of YOURSELF can take YEARS.
(And for a few of us, it will take divine intervention to finish the job.)
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Bramble
Let's not forget that what in the real world is considered 'bullying' is in TWI world considered speaking the truth in love, giving someone a kick in the pants, and the leader who does it often is sooo spiritual, rooting out weakness yadayadayuck.
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sprawled out
cool waters, i agree with you 100%.
belle, i wish i had a more definitive answer for you, but i think you're the only one who truly knows when you're over it. in general, i guess you know it when whatever "it" is doesn't kick up a huge emotional response anymore. when you can just deal with it, talk about it, whatever, in a matter-of-fact way. or at the very least, when it has less of a presence in your life--know what i mean? when it's no longer lurking in the background as you go about your day.
sunesis--is there a particular reason you'd want to be so nasty? i can't see anything i said that should evoke such a response. first of all, you're wrong on all counts. i'm 51 years old, and i've been out for nearly 20 years. i'm afraid you're the one who sounds like they're still in the way. insipid? pathetic? can't see how i deserved that. i don't think i've had someone talk to me that way since i WAS still in. maybe you should know what the heck you're talking about before you go on the attack.
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Belle
Thanks, Sprawled Out, I see what you're saying and, in the context of CW's post, I agree.
It's these folks who come on here knowing absolutely nothing about us and feel righteous and indignant to tell us what's wrong with us when they haven't a clue that get my blood boiling.
They're the ones who need to just get over themselves, imo.
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rickyg
I don't reaad alot of posts from innies saying there is stuff wrong with people here. How many documented innies post on here? any estimate count. And if they do voice thier opinion whats the big deal Belle? Have to read your posts too. Or is this just a Way bashing site where no other opinions are tolerated? Most people I have talked to welcome my opinion as an innie so I guess you will just have to deal.
question to the women. Any women ever tell their husbands to "get over it." Just wondering if there is a gender issue here too.
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Belle
ricky, I gave the latest example in my first post and SunnyFla responded further down with venom. I'm not going to go through the archives to find others for you - there's a search button at the top of the page if you want to look for them.
There's nothing wrong with sharing one's opinion and I never said that and I don't recall complaining about you saying anything along those lines.
Furthermore, I don't recall ever complaining about your opinion or sharing it. I may have disagreed with your opinion, but that's a totally different subject.
If you do insult or hurt people I will report your post to the moderators, but as GSpot is pretty lenient about letting people say whatever they want, I will just eventually ignore you as I do other posters who aren't worth my time. :)
I didn't refer to innies at any point in time that I can see in this thread - it certainly wasn't started out referring to innies at all...."new posters" yes, but not "innies".
I think you're trying to make this thread about something it isn't.
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prayingfordaylight
I am interested deeply in all of these posts, and the pharase...JUST GET OVER IT...is probably one of those things that will certainly be different for everyone.
However, if you are one of the one's affected by someone else who just cant get over it, I guess you have your own choices to make...and sometimes in making those other people just may very well........get over it a little faster. We cannot live in a timecapsule that says...hey, I got hurt....validate me, feel sorry for me and let me grieve for 10 years....unless we ourselves are willing to let others do what they need to do with that information. You can be there for someone, and NO ...it doesnt matter how long you have or have not known someone if you CARE...(how long did Jesus know the woman with the issue of blood)...ITS ABOUT what ALL people involved are willing to deal or not deal with. For some, they are patient and kind...much like the bible tells us to be....and for others...they are wise and peaceful, and may need to move away from YOUR hurt. None of us corners the market on "JUST GET OVER IT" and even though it hurts...and we all have to heal....its still somewhat of a selfish state of mind to be in, sorry...but its true. and if you dont think that I myself have had my fair share of hurt to deal with, you are sadly mistaken...but I own it, its mine, and I will do or not do what I need to about it. HOPEFULLY though, the sun WILL come out tommorrow and I dont need to spend a good chunk of my life dealing with it. And sorry, sometimes...god does put people in our lives to try and help us, and we just are "so hurt" THAT CERTAINLY no one can possibly understand my pain but me. BS. I also say, turn to Isaiah and read who JESUS CHRIST came for....hmmmmm.......could it possibly be the "broken hearted"?? If you want someone to help you get over it, there is a good start.
Just my thoughts,
Dawn
Praying for daylight
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YIdon'tgotochurch
IMHO, I've always considered "Get Over it" as another way of saying "Rise Above it".
But then, I've always been in a perpectual state of dormant mental awareness.
After my last brain surgery (out of 3), I didn't have to forget the past. I had to fight like HXLL to remember it.
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Tom Strange
well.. trying to resolve things "before the sun goes down" is IMO a lofty goal... I too thought that was the way to handle things... of course, I was also single for a long time... then...
I married a woman who was more stubborn than I am... :blink:
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Sunesis
Sprawled Out, your advice of giving someone a kick in the butt is pathetic and insipid, why should you be offended? Its true. That was your advice. That advice sounds like someone who's still in. I disagree with your advice. Its too pat, and uncaring.
My point is, that the advice to give people a kick in the butt, is unloving and uncaring.
If you feel the way to help people is to give them a "kick in the butt" - more power to you.
But don't be upset when you get called on it and others think your advice is a little callous.
Sounds like I gave you a little "kick in the butt" and you don't like the taste of your own medicine.
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excathedra
(((((((( sunesis ))))))))
i don't think i've read this thread yet.....
get over it ok ...... ;) ;) ;)
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sprawled out
your entitled to your opinion, sunesis. i don't much care if you agree with me or not, but calling what i said insipid and pathetic was uncalled for. can't you disagree without putting down?
but just to make sure i'm clear--you think my "little kick in the butt" advice is insipid and pathetic, so you thought you should give me a little kick in the butt? NOW i get it!
the truth is, i think you completely misunderstood me. maybe you thought what i said sounded "innish" to you and so it colored your perception. or maybe you're just responding to the phrase "kick in the butt." i get how some might have a problem with that, but i think i explained just what i meant. i'm tempted to re-explain, but perhaps if you took a breath and re-read the two things i said you'd see.
perhaps not.
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Sunesis
I guess Sprawled out, having spent my youth and adulthood in TWI, corps grad, staffer for 5 yrs., I know, when anyone was an annoyance, or not toeing the TWI party line, or if something bad happened to them, they were told to "get over it," "move on," "renew your mind," etc. And of course, if they didn't "get over it" according to TWI's timeline, there was a gentle kick, and if that didn't work, they were out - very quickly.
So, to me, get over it, kick in the butt, etc., is someone's way of avoiding dealing with someone or something and is the antithesis of the love of Christ.
Yes, there are situations where tough love is needed, but to me, that would be only after exhausting all other options.
Nothing against you Sprawl. Its great to see new people on here :)
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