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Just Get Over It!


Belle
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Thanks, Belle, for starting this thread – especially after some of the recent ruckus on another thread. I equate "just get over it" with TWI's old pat answer in counseling situations "just renew your mind." Yeah, that may sound like biblical advice coming from the next great one-minute-manager – but after thinking about it from this thread – I have to admit [as one that often thought that way in my TWI days and thinking about how I've dealt with stuff after I left] how shallow, insensitive, over simplistic, and ineffective that is. But I guess if you're running around doing lots of things for the ministry yah ain't got time for helping people. And if it's still in the repertoire of advice for someone who's left TWI – I think it must just be a left over habit – a ghost in the machinery – so just renew your mind and get over it – [okay – I'm not trying to be mean – just a little comedic relief].

In my opinion, what goes on at Grease Spot Café is a part of a PROCESS vitally important to the Café patrons who ARE working things out at a personal level and care enough to share the fruits of their labor for the BENEFIT of OTHERS. Rascal said something to me on the Why you can't sweep it under the carpet thread that hit me like a ton of bricks [in a good way]:

Rascal posted March 3 2006 11:36 PM:

"…I know that I ended up feeling tremendously guilty and ashamed for a long time for promoting/supporting/defending/enabeling this outfit to operate.

As far as new insight or scoop....The reason that most folks keep telling their stories here and sharing their info is so that people will ALWAYS have the opportunity to really know how evil twi/vpw was if they care to.....and when someone *gets* it...has those epiphanies....that is when we know that it was worth while to tell this story for the twentieth time.......for the one seeing it for the first time...it is a blow.......but it also seems to be when we begin to heal....the bewilderment is gone...we know what we are facing.

Tbone I am sorry that the thread I recommended disturbed you.... I hope that you eventually feel that it is better to know anyway

You are able to look at things honestly and that takes courage...... you are able to examine the accounts without making excuses for the conduct....or minimalizing what was endured...."

In my opinion people are VERY COMPLICATED BEINGS MADE in the IMAGE of GOD! [i'm no computer geek – and I know computers ain't purfeck – not even my spell checker – LOL – but it's amazing the stuff they can do when they work right – this cold, lifeless, emotionless, piece of equipment – that pales in comparison to our brains.] If you ask me what's helped me the most since I left – I'd have to say – it's all about the PROCESS. Thinking about any epiphanies, I've had since I left – many have come as a result of INTERACTION with another person or persons.

"Oil and perfume make the heart glad, so a man's counsel is sweet to his friend." Proverbs 27:9 NASB

"Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another." Proverbs 27: 17 NASB

There's something about getting our thoughts out in the open, thinking out loud that's intriguing – and really kicks into a hi-gear dynamic as we hold an open, honest exchange with others [that's why I included those two verses from Proverbs]. I even recall the first time I told someone unfamiliar with TWI about my former involvement. We both worked at the same place. I knew he was a Christian, I liked him as a friend and one day while we were hanging out together I just blurted out stuff. I was crying, stammering, trying to present it in an orderly fashion – feeling so abnormal, like I was confessing to some horrible crime I committed years ago. This guy was so cool. Not judgmental at all. Understanding. We would get together at Denny's before work and discuss things. I got the feeling from him I was his equal, I wasn't weird, he wasn't intent on fixing me. His recent comments to me after looking over some of the GSC threads was that he was thankful my wife and I got out of that mess – and what a mess it was.

My point in saying all this – I'm all for the PROCESS. I don't think I'd have figured out, "got over it," "moved on," or dealt with much of this stuff if I hadn't done anything more than read self-help books and kept to myself. I like one definition in Webster's on "process": a natural phenomenon marked by gradual changes that lead toward a particular result <the process of growth>. After I left TWI I would read Christian Counseling books as self-help manuals – would even joke I'm my own counselor. But to be honest – I think the best times of things coming together for me are when other people are involved…In thinking about complaints from people who say they're tired of hearing some stories – I now press a pre-recorded pat answer button in my head to counter them: "What's wrong with people reviewing the ugly details of how they were hurt – but have lived to tell about it, and have moved on to continue with ALL aspects of a normal life. Isn't that what we used to do in TWI – telling our story of what God did in our lives, stories of deliverance?"… And a special thanks to all the women who have the courage and honesty to share their story – and continue to.

Edited by T-Bone
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Telling someone to "get over it" is kinda like when someone tells another that smoking is bad for them and they ought to quit. They could be interested in the person's health, but more times than not, they just don't want to smell the smoke.

Edited by Goey
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T-Bone:

That process IS painful and takes varying amounts of time. I come from a family with much alcoholism and drug use AND physical violence - - both in my immediate and extended families on both sides. My father was one of the most personable, well-liked, and well thought of people - - WHEN HE WASN'T DRINKING. When he drank, he turned into a very dangerously violent monster. My mother used to have to call the police on him regularly. My oldest sister used to go to school regularly black and blue, with welts from his beatings. My middle sister is still very scarred and an alcoholic herself. I was forced to move out in high school and support myself for my own safety. I spent years in counseling and in a cult ;).

It has taken some of us years and years to get to some point of normalcy in our lives (and yes, those of you who know me well, may debate that) :biglaugh: My oldest sister was a family counselor by profession and lead many very therapeutic discussions with family members (much like our discussions here) - - that helped all of us (in our own way and timing) talk through some of this and heal. The healing comes in waves and at unlikely moments, rarely under our own deliberate device or choice. It just happens when it happens. Or, not.

Many of our extended family have not healed. Or, some of the younger members, are in the midst of healing. Over Christmas, I spent time with three cousins who are each children of alcholics, all of whom were beat regularly when their parent(s) drank. Interestingly, they each have reached out to me either while I was with them, or after via phone calls and email, to discuss the effects of our upbringing. I can't tell you how many old wounds of my own were re-opened in the process of listening to their stories, seeing their hurt, crying through stories of help and healing and finding peace.

I also can't tell you the comfort they received in talking to someone who UNDERSTOOD their stories -- although mine was different, it was very similar in a lot of respects. And so, we continue to talk. Sometimes it hurts. Sometimes we weep together. Sometimes we laugh in disbelief of what we lived through and how that framed who we are today. Even though, it is painful to talk through some of this, we take the time to hear each other's stories with a lot of love and a lot of compassion.

Sadly, that is not the case with some of our other family members. Some of them are still so much in the midst of their pain that it is too toxic to be around them for much more than short periods of time. Their pain causes them to crap all over everyone around them whether you want it or not. It is sad, painful and grievous to see them in that pain, and although we reach out to them, they are not ready yet, but they know we are here for them when they are. We've made that much clear.

So, dear T-Bone, those are some of my own thoughts on the process that many of us experience both in our own little worlds and here at the Spot. I see a similar dynamic happening here at the Spot which is why I don't engage the toxic people too often. But I've been there myself and I understand the process. I'm on my own journey as they are. It happens when it happens.

J.

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Some people really do and have "gotten over it" and for those who have not, more power and love to you. Also, there are other people who work alot of hours, and may not be able to sit on the internet for hours everyday and post and be posted.

No one has a right to judge anyone else that comes in here, for whatever reasons they have and be the lord over the grease spot. I dont care if I am new here, I believe that what I am saying is true. I am thankful to those of you who have the time and are articulate enough.....lol...to post, thats great, but just because you think someone is reading between the lines or not SOLD OUT to the spot, that cant be right, can it? I just see it from all angles now, something I probably wasnt capable of a few years back due to excessive anger toward the Way, oh and lets see.....an ACTUAL Way Corps Experience and probably alot of obsessive compulsive disorder.

At any rate, and for whatever reasons....keep on posting, all of you. Its been educational.

prayingfordaylight.

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Belle.

This "get over it" stuff begins to chap my hide as well.

When my husband hurts my feelings I tend to sit and stew for a while. it might take a minute, it might take days. Usually, he comes into the room about 5 minutes after the argument/infraction and asks,

"So, how long are you going to let this ruin your life?"

"I don't know. When I'm better I'll let you know."

"Well. HOW LONG??? An hour? Two hours? Twelve hours? A month? A year?" (This is said in a "hurry up and appease me, forgive me now because I need something from you," sort of way.)

Now I'm pretty PO-ed. It really doesn't matter when I get over it - Only that I process it. BTW - He takes as long as necessary and yells if anyone tries to upset his process.

This is a lot like what happens to the TWI folk. Some people have moved on emotionally, in their own time. Others have to process and allow the information to sink in. Still others have really gotten through the process, but feel the need or want to talk about it. There seems to be the misconception that to re-tell a story somehow is equivalent to re-living that story.

I hope all this makes sense. Let me know if I've just rambled mindlessly...

dooj

Imagine a friend has a disease, and you had that same disease. You got well in a week, they are still sick after a month. Do you demand that they "GET OVER IT!"

I think not.

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What does it mean to "get over" something? That's something I (as others) have battled with for many years. I think, biblically, it has to do with declaring something null and void of its ability to hurt you. A wise person once shared that with me years ago, and then again today, as being the way to understand the verse in Philippians that says "forgetting those things which are behind..." We as humans cannot forget unless there is some sort of accident that causes long-term amnesia ... so that's a bad translation. But we can declare something or someone null and void in its ability to hurt you ... and that takes time, the Word of God, the spirit of God working in a person, and often, it takes kind and caring believers that let you talk it out and work it out.

As wonderful as GreaseSpot is for some categories, for me it took talking my pain out with a kind and caring believer face to face, someone I could trust, before I could declare certain things null and void of their ability to hurt me in my life. Do I still get angry with the person(s) at the center of the hurt? Yes, sometimes. But do I have nightmares that awaken me in a cold sweat? No.

Everyone "gets over" things in their own time. I think it's callous and hard-hearted for people to say, "Why don't you just get over it and move on?" Can't really see any place in Scripture where God says it/sees it that way .. that you should just "get over it." His compassions are new every morning ... so we must need them every morning.

Back into lurkdom.

Edited by DogLover
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I don't know what it has to do with "get over it" but it was brought up in this thread so I'll respond...

I don't recall seeing any "newcomers" being attacked for posting something that goes against the 'preferred opinion' of the day... I remember seeing newcomers recently who came in and posted 'different thoughts' that were responded to by posters here in a kind and logical (for the most part) manner... at which time these newcomers decided to respond to honest questions and thoughts with their own attacks of denial...

I see newcomers get disagreed with, that's just life and will happen at this board as well as most all of the other ones on the internet...

As for Freud and Jung... I don't know, you decide for yourself, I posted how I felt, addressed it to Freud and he answered... whether or not I believe it or not is up to me... and up to the folks who "live" here...

I don't know either of the good Doctors personally, but I'm pretty sure that they are aware that there is a greater than zero chance that when they post on a board they might not be believed... I don't know what the big deal is about that... I don't think people have been rude to them... strange yes... but not rude...

And I also think that even though there may be a few more inflammatory topics out there than there usually are... I feel like it's a phase in that it's more heated at this point in time... because we pretty much always have a majority of negative themed threads in the 'about the way' section... some are just more intense than others...

but that's just how I see it and doesn't discount your opinion at all...

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To understand what "get over it" means I think you have to consider the context in which it was said.

Here are some examples:

Bob: VPW plagairized from Stiles. VPW was dishonest.

Bill: Why are you so angry? Don't you have anything better to do than throw rocks at Doctor Wierwille? You need to get over it and move on.

Suzie: I was sexually abused by a TWI leader. I hate that SOB. I hope he burns in hell.

Bob: That is terribIe. I can't possibly imagine how you must feel. But why still allow him the power to upset you so much? If you can somehow find a way to forgive him, then maybe you can get over it and move beyond the pain and hurt that you seem to be holding on to.

Suzie: I was sexually assualted by a TWI leader. TWI was not all peaches and cream.

Bill: "IF" If that did happen (and I doubt it ) you just need to get over it. He was just human. You have sins too. Regardless of your alleged abuse - I still had lots of fun in TWI - PFAL still helped me a lot.

I know these are not great examples but, they may show how the context can help understand what is meant by the person saying "get over it". There is not just one single meaning.

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:nono5: WOW!!!!

I really made you all mad. It brings me back to the day I was kicked out and being in Craigs office hearing him screaming and spitting in my face for exposeing him and his hideous ways back in 91.

You all are like VIPERS!!!!! I hope you feel better that you still have the Way International way about yourselves. I know I didn't deserve that!!!! Just like I didn't deserve Craig in my face for something HE did to me.

I hope others in hear will see you all for who you really are and not the sugar coated Greasespoters you pretend to be! :realmad:

And by the way... I wasn't a newbe. I just didn't post in hear often, mainly because of what just happened . I hope your all PROUD of yourselves :nono5:

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:nono5: WOW!!!!

I really made you all mad. It brings me back to the day I was kicked out and being in Craigs office hearing him screaming and spitting in my face for exposeing him and his hideous ways back in 91.

You all are like VIPERS!!!!! I hope you feel better that you still have the Way International way about yourselves. I know I didn't deserve that!!!! Just like I didn't deserve Craig in my face for something HE did to me.

I hope others in hear will see you all for who you really are and not the sugar coated Greasespoters you pretend to be! :realmad:

And by the way... I wasn't a newbe. I just didn't post in hear often, mainly because of what just happened . I hope your all PROUD of yourselves :nono5:

I just posted in the Open forum about spew like this.

I'm very thankful and very proud that I lived long enough to get past letting things get to my heart.

Otherwise somebody saying something like this would have thrown me into a deep depression.

:wave: 'Sunnyfla'. I've figured it out.

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Woah! Deep Breath!!

This thread is not about you in particular, but people who post like you have been....that's why I didn't mention your name - your post is just one of many that we see on here all the time. And, in fact, it comes across to me the same way as craig yelling at us to "get over it". It jars me every time I read someone posting like that. I didn't realize why it bothered me so much till Chas pointed it out.

I asked questions about it - honest, from the heart questions. Instead of considering how your words hurt someone or how they may come across differently than you might have intended, you compare us to vipers??? How wrong is that??

If you'll notice these responses were not about you, but in response to the questions asked. Perhaps you'd like to elaborate on what you meant when you said it. I read your responses to the kind and loving manner in which CW, Templelady and others tried to explain to you that it's much easier to type those things than it is to really deal with them.

Here are the questions again. If you'd care to respond, I reall am interested in what folks mean when they post like you did.

What does it mean to "get over it"?

Does it mean never speaking or thinking of the past?

Does it mean pretending that it never happened?

Does it mean no longer hurting?

Who decides when someone has "gotten over it"?

What's the criteria for that?

Why does someone who doesn't know you even care if you've "gotten over it"?

How do they feel that it's okay to tell me to "get over it"" What makes it their business anyway?

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Naw sunny fla, not mad at you personally, yours was just the latest in a long line of posts from folks who seem to know what was best for others.

You were disagreed with ...so what? It wasn`t personal or even an attack...

Now....*I* think that it is time that you just put this behind you and moved on....You would feel so much better if you could find it in your heart to forgive us here....Better yet...it`s in the past...you need to just get over it...ok?

Cool!

No, that sucks big time...and this is precisely what we are talking about.

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As an "innie" I will define what getting over it for meant and why I went back to fellowship.

Getting over it is not pretending that it never happend but learning from what happend and still moving forward.

Philippians 3:13

Brethren, I count not myself to have apprehended: but one thing, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before...

It doesn't mean never thinking or speaking about the past. I still at times discuss it with believers and at times it is even mentioned in fellowship! But it is rare and in the contrext of moving forward.

YOU decide when your over it! Know one knows your thoughts and heart but God. But I can see your actions and conversation that reflect your heart and mind. When you haven't gotten over it and thats all you think about and talk about, people can see that you have not "gotten over it."

Getting over it remembering what you know above all else. DOn't forget the important things of God and remember the faults of men.

I Timothy 6:20

"...keep that which is committed to thy trust, avoiding VAIN BABBLINGS, and oppositions of science falsely so called:

21: Which some professing have erred concerning the faith..."

Edited by rickyg
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Imagine a friend has a disease, and you had that same disease. You got well in a week, they are still sick after a month. Do you demand that they "GET OVER IT!"

I think not.

No, but what you might try to do is find out why your friend is still sick. You might also have trouble understanding his/her continued sickness. You might point out what YOU did to "get over it."

George

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Belle.

This "get over it" stuff begins to chap my hide as well.

When my husband hurts my feelings I tend to sit and stew for a while. it might take a minute, it might take days. Usually, he comes into the room about 5 minutes after the argument/infraction and asks,

"So, how long are you going to let this ruin your life?"

I remember experiencing this kind of junk from people when I was on Staff. They had this whole mentality of not letting the sun go down on their wrath and getting things worked out as soon as possible. That might be all fine and dandy, but sometimes it takes someone more than 5 minutes to sort out their thoughts. It's not that you are even letting it ruin your life, you are thinking through the situation in your own mind to figure out what the heck happened sometimes.

I remember leaving my room when a roommate and I got in to it. She was ticked I left. When I came back, you would have thought the Devil was attacking me at the door for leaving. I told her that I needed time alone to think and don't ever think it's wrong becauses he didn't feel the need to do it.

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hey rickyg! ...thanks for all of the scripture quotes! ...I've never heard those quoted before!

And that's all well and good... BUT... don't forget... most of what was happening in the past, that we talk about here... either has never been dealt with or is still going on in TWI :dance:

...but let's not focus on that either...

Edited by Tom Strange
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either has never been dealt with or is still going on in TWI[/i][/b] :dance:

...but let's not focus on that either...

I am trying to focus on what is going on right now! You correct error with what is right. So by putting on that which is correct you eliminate error.

Its like putting off the old man nature with the new man nature. You don't say "ok old man nature I have to get rid you now so beat it. Ok where did I put that new man? I know I had him around here somewhere." NO. THe light of the New man gets rid of the old. Light gets rid of the darness. I don't know why I am typing this because I am expecting to hear the jeers that I am just using the old "renewing the mind" defense that everybody here accuses the youth of TWI using as a scapgoat.

Why do you think I post on here. To tell you the focus of what is going on NOW! That and I find it hilarious to listen to Oldiesman get Belle all in a frenzy with his simple and ligical posts. Simple and logical....sounds like what I like about TWI. Hey Oldies are you sure your not the Logos? :) :

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