I don't know Belle... folks are all at different places in their lives and even when you think you've shed the last layer of "skin" that was blemished and now you're OK, something else pops up... for the most part I want to believe that folks post things like that in innocence, meaning no harm... that they just don't understand... yet.
sometimes I get angry, too... I think that's OK... for me though, I try not to let it get me down too much...
You've been through A LOT and you have a lot to share.
Your sharing helps you and others learn, grow, forgive, etc. - sometimes you have no idea the impact you make. Sometimes you wonder why you continue to post on, other than the social reasons, because maybe you don't hear from anyone or connect with anyone - then there's that thread that just explodes and you get inspired all over again.
You certainly have the right to have those words about "get over it" strike a nerve. No doubt about it.
But the interesting thing I've seen, as someone who's been posting now since 1999, is that I am "getting over it" in some ways. Maybe there's less "Way brain", maybe I'm less angry, maybe I'm less insecure about my past - whatever - but there's still something to be said. There's still connections to be made. But it's not as urgent as it used to be. I don't know if this makes sense... but maybe it's because I've seen so many of these "get over it" threads on Waydale and Grease Spot - they don't really bother me anymore.
I think what may (and please forgive me if I'm wrong - this isn't a judgement) upset you is that someone, once again, is telling you where you should be in your life and how you should be arrive there, etc. Does that sound about right? And, you've been there before - LCM was on a "get it over" rant back in the 90's - but SO WHAT? Is it really that poster's business where you are in your spritual or emotional life?
In my opinion, just making a blanket statement of "get over it" is a lazy way to council people. It's three easy words that are simple to say and simple to understand and coming out of a simple mind!
Is it that they don't understand and don't know they don't fully understand? I'm wondering why some are so opinionated about shoes they haven't been in.
Belle- there is a time for getting over it....THank God....or maybe the pain eases and its not our driving force. If we carry grudges all the time it can be discouraging, always setting a course for neg results..I donot like being overly negative and when I feel to much pressure...I slow down. there is a time for letting down here.....Its not even good for the soul or the physical body to carry envy, strife and bitterness...it more like a decompression chamber here and tends to refuel...there is no real fix cause we all have been left with something to deal with...
Maybe they think that once we "get over it" we'll stop talking about "it" and it will all go away and they won't have to read about it anymore. That's just my opinion, though.
Eagles song,get over it,Id like to find your inner child and kick its little a@@
People bit@@ complain whine ect... While there are some very important issues here,
such as adultry molestation Vpee craig messing with the women,there is a lot of whineing that goes on here too,Waa waa well no religious structure is perfect,twi was a cult,they abused all of us.
At some point we put it behind us and move forward,I would in all honesty,help people,Greasespot exposes
the underbelly of twi,it aint always pretty but it works,I hope when I leave here I leave it a better place.
Tom, it’s hard to imagine you angry. Annoyed – yes, angry – no. :)
I do think they say it in ignorance, but when they’re told we all heal at our own rate, etc. yada yada yada….they just continue to defend their statement and that really gets my goat.
Chas, dang you struck a nerve hard with me….a nerve I didn’t even know was there. I started crying when I read this:
I think what may (and please forgive me if I'm wrong - this isn't a judgement) upset you is that someone, once again, is telling you where you should be in your life and how you should be arrive there, etc. Does that sound about right? And, you've been there before - LCM was on a "get it over" rant back in the 90's - but SO WHAT? Is it really that poster's business where you are in your spritual or emotional life?
That sounds bang on correct. I didn’t realize it, but I think that’s where it’s coming from. I used to laugh when people would post those “get over it” threads because they were just stupid and eventually they go away after posting their condescending and ignorant comments – or they realized they were wrong.
But, now, at this point in my life, it affected me much different than in past times. Part of it is that this woman insisted on defending herself after being lovingly told that she was not seeing the whole picture.
WayferNot! – For some reason people come on here and, after a few days, a few posts, they seem to think they have a handle on everything and feel that TWI righteousness again….maybe. They could also be those kinds of folks that haven’t realized that everyone has different experiences and different reactions to their experiences. Comments like “get over it”, imo, just show their ignorance of that.
Likeaneagle – Very good post. Yes, we do get to the point where it’s not an all-consuming presence and the cloud starts to dissipate above us. But then things like this happen – and other things in “real life” that just jar the crap out of me, like an earthquake, and I feel like I’ve been set back 10 years in my recovery.
GSpot is a great place to decompress and to connect with folks who understand and can make you laugh; help you focus on other things or put your pain into perspective. This is a great place to get that strength reinforced. Better than therapy in many ways – therapy is only weekly or monthly – this is daily or as often as needed…and with folks who have also been there.
Krys – It’s funny, but it’s not; isn’t it? There are folks who can’t stand this site – even those who are “out”. They are the ones who, possibly, just gloss things over or choose to completely ignore the past. They could be ones with “selective memories” who would be most likely to return to TWI if they were approached again.
Frank – I remember that Eagles song. I loved it when craig talked about it. It’s not as funny when it’s used against you. Especially when you know you’re not just whining, but trying to figure things out, get better, help others and just flat out enjoy coming here for totally non-TWI related reasons.
I really resent folks telling me where they think I should be. Even as I continue to get better it’s still a struggle and there are good days and bad days and then things like this that really knock me on my foot and it’s hard to get up.
I resent them saying about the folks who have been out for decades, too. Who the heck are they to judge and say you’re not over it? Who the heck does this woman think she is by scolding you for being here?
Some of you didn’t even know GSpot was here and, for you, it’s like just having left….especially as isolated as y’all were when you left or were kicked out. Some of you who have been out for a long time who post here, bring so much to the table and rehashing, repeating stories and supporting others on here. It’s crass to judge where you are in your own healing and, when you’re healed as much as possible, I’m glad you stick around to help the rest of us.
They tell us to “get a life” when they haven’t even looked around to see that we do have lives and this is where we come to share that life with folks who know, love and understand us.
Thanks, y’all!! Once again, GSpotters to the Rescue!!
Recently I said we need to flat our get over it and it was meant as my way of saying you can't just say it didn't happen because you don't like the answer. We can have all the real life experiences in the world of horror but if we refuse truth because we don't like how it fits into our understanding or personal experiences we need to consider how that affects not only how others heal up but especially how WE heal up.
A lot of times, reading what others have posted will bring back a memory, a thought, an incident, and suddenly I realize that here is one area of my past that I haven't dealt with and it still hurts like the very devil. It's as if a wound that had healed and made a nice scar is suddenly open, raw, bleeding, infected and hurting me all over again.
A long time ago, I wrote of an incident in my life and I'll never write about it again, but the recent threads on rape (NO I wasn't raped) brought it all back to me, shocking as ever. So, gee whiz, I'm not "over" that at all.
Someone once told me, and I don't know if it's true for sure, that the human brain retains everything and it just goes deep deep down into our subconscious.
And also I think if I just ignore everything in the past and act like it never happened, how am I supposed to help someone whose wound is new and fresh and bleeding?
We haven't the mechanism of automatic thinking set up so we deal with it and move on. The depth of damage done can be incredible for us. We may be doing all we can just to make it thru the next day I experientially realize.
So we have to recognize all of us dealing with our personal h3lls are some altered in our verbiage and understanding.
When I state things in a forum I've no business being in I do so because it is things that affects us here so that we can affect them out there.
And gawd forbid someone takes my words as superior or arrogant in any way then you must not know me. And on that I will demand that due respect here and now. So trash me if you must but if you think your words are not going to be read and you be held accountable for them then you need to....yes....go ahead and say it!
Some can't post because they don't have the means to give it when dealing with it personally and even those of us who post deal with the reality of that.
Yet our words as we grow and figure it out together are the stuff our deliverances are made of.
You don't think I'm talking about you, do you? I hope not!! I'm talking about people who come onto these boards and either get involved with maybe one discussion or none at all and then proceed to announce that they know what's wrong with us. The woman who posted the quotes in my initial post only has 44 posts and hasn't even been on the boards for a whole month.
Sometimes we do tell people to get over themselves or to "deal with it" in light of the fact that we do have different experiences, different perspectives and different ways of dealing with things. The folks who have been here for a long time know the other long-time posters - if through nothing more than their posts - it's still been long enough for us to "kinda" know where someone is coming from or at least a little flavor of their personality.
We fight on here and sometimes it gets ugly, but the more respectable posters (thankfully, there are lots of those), end up working it out or agreeing to disagree in a mature, responsible fashion. I'm not talking about those things either. :)
It's those who come riding their high horse into the forums and proclaim to pass judgement on us and where they think we should be and how they think we're wallowing and whining.
Thank you sweet Belle, and I was speaking of myself because I had said that recently.
And I see the difference in what you're saying sure. Again thank you for that.
But yes I was referring to those whom cannot seem to move forward in their thinking. And I know we all hang out in our comfort zones at times, even if those zones are h3llish ones. But those who just will not move forward, yes I would agree with you on that as well.
IMO "get over it" is still part of waybrain's all-or-nothing thinking. In twi you apply simple "principles" and everything is supposed to be peachy. But life isn't that simple.
Then maybe we outta redefine the phrase because if we aren't willing to get over it with it being that which holds us back then it'll be one rough road we chose.
Thanks for bringing this up Belle, I have been wanting to post a little about this type of thing. Probably alot of what I might share has been shared here. I will just try to put it in the perspective that I see it (because I can't speak for anyone else nor would I ever want to or try to).
As any other world wide web forum, people come and go everyday. This site moves along pretty fast. There are also "regulars" as on any forum. Alot of people here are "over it" and stay in the hopes that they can share some meaningful experiences that will help others. Others here are working toward being able to get "over it". Others are watching from the sidelines wanting to get "over it" or wondering "what is there to "get over". This list is limited as there are a vast spectrum of people and experiences here.
The ones who say "get over it" do not bother me as much as the regular ones on this board who jump on someone new the minute they post something on this forum. It is like we want new people to come and post and share their experiences and be set free from these false prophets, but the minute they come they are attacked. If they don't agree with the majority of opinions here that TWI was horrible, (and yes I understand this is an ex-twi site) they are blasted and are afraid to come back. I know that even after posting on Waydale and this site for 6 years that I am still sometimes fearful of posting an opinion that may go against the tide of the thread. The way some of the regulars thrash each other, I would be afraid to step in too. I love honest debate, but I don't think it has to degrade to name calling and paranoia conspiracy theories.
Another thing that irks me is the Grammar Police who feel it their civic duty to inform a poster who posts for the first time that there thread is not in the right place. Good lord, leave that to the monitors of the site to decide.
And we can at least give it a little time before we start calling them the "waygb". (I do not question that the WayGB exists) But calling or questioning whether a new poster is Waygb within 24 hours or so is just paranoid in my opinion, unless of course they agree with the common belief of the most outspoken regulars here. Paranoia is not a healthy mind set. Other people on the outside see this. Could be why they see a need to say "just get over it". I often wonder how many people lurkng would love to post, but are fearful of being raked over the coal by either camp (and yes you can clearly see the camps if you watch from the sidelines). I would imagine that is just human nature though.
Lately the tone of this forum has been pretty harsh and angry - I know I have watched from the sidelines of alot of threads so I have seen the ebb and flow of the different emotions here and the strong beliefs on either side. Would be nice if the waters were a little calmer sometimes, so that those first timers getting in the pool could just step in.........without fear..........since that is where alot of them are coming from to begin with.......fear. I am just here to hope that maybe something I say in a thread helps them in any little way. Hopefully something I say could be a little thought provoking and we could all have a healthy honest debate where new folks feel they could come and start their healing process........
I don't know if this really has anything to do with "getting over it" or not, just struck me as a very good post to lend my thoughts. And these just are my thoughts as a whole not directed to anyone in particular. Maybe just trying to see the other side of the coin. Part of the healing process at least for me.........that doesn't mean I am making excuses for anyone who was abusive to the flock in any way shape or form. I am not so naive as to not understand that there is such a thing as a "troll" on an internet site also. Just some thoughts.
Kathy, I think what you're talking about is something totally different and it's not so much "getting over it" as much as it is moving past the black & white thinking or the one track mind to the point of seeing where others are coming from and accepting that not everyone thinks like you (rhetorical) do.
That's the way I see it, anyway. Like the person who insists on holding onto his view of vee pee being infallible or that rape victims have to give details to make sure they are properly "classified" and insist that they could have just said "no". Those aren't necessarily "get over it" situations, but rather, learning compassion and how to see the different experiences and descriptions of their experiences for what they are and having a heart to help or comfort them instead of attacking them and/or engaging in debates about terminology. That's holding onto their position no matter what....not really a "get over it" thing, imo. It's more of a grow up and quit being so arrogant and egocentric kind of thing. <_<
I think most of us are working through things.....yes, even those of us who have been out for forty years and been here for six years....not all, but there are some who are still working through things, and like WG said, just when you think you've dealt with something an incident, a word, a post will rip that scar wide open again.
I don't know how to qualify when we're "over it". And what "it" is that folks think we should be "over".
Please know I'm not trying to argue, just thinking out loud....and I've never thought of you as a "get over it" quoting kind of jerk. I don't remember you saying that and I'm sure there's more to the context that just "get over it" if you said it.
but rather, learning compassion and how to see the different experiences and descriptions of their experiences for what they are and having a heart to help or comfort them instead of attacking them and/or engaging in debates about terminology. That's holding onto their position no matter what....not really a "get over it" thing, imo.
Outofdafog - I hear ya! I understand and I, too, cringe when people get jumped on as soon as they post. I try my best to help folks who are new, but I, too, am just as guilty of being overly inconsiderate at times, too.
I cringed and wanted to just die when I saw how Freud and Jung were treated when they came on here. I wouldn't blame them for never coming back (and for the record, I think they are on the up and up). It was like a kid being so embarrassed that her siblings could be such bullies and so cruel to someone who hasn't given any reason whatsoever to deserve that kind of treatment.
Some of these topics are the same ones we hash and rehash and there are some posters who are so predictable that I don't know why the arguments continue when obviously they aren't ever going to agree with each other. I just stay out of those as much as possible.
We could be nicer to new folks and give them the benefit of the doubt and at least treat them as genuine, innocent newcomers until they give us a reason not to. When someone new is catching flak on the boards, I will frequently PM them and apologize for us. If they appear to need a little help with the boards, I offer suggestions and help in that way, as well.
I suppose the road goes both ways and we can't expect people to not pass judgement on us when they're treated as bad, or worse than they were in TWI.
See? Here's where we get to the group hug! It's cause we've been around each other long enough to know that when there seems to be a disagreement, it's most likely just a communication breakdown. I know you're a very kind-hearted lady and I know you don't rush to judgement.
I wish the new posters who do rush to judgement would get to know us better, too. :)
Prov 18:8 comes to mind:
The words of a talebearer [are] as wounds, and they go down into the innermost parts of the belly.
Words do cut to the bone and they can hurt terribly.
About all I can add is that my wife and I have agreed that the phrase "just get over it" is one that we *don't* say to each other. The reason is simple. Telling someone to get over something doesn't work.
If you could get over something by someone telling you to "get over it", chances are you'd have done it already. Besides that it's rather condescending.
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Tom Strange
I don't know Belle... folks are all at different places in their lives and even when you think you've shed the last layer of "skin" that was blemished and now you're OK, something else pops up... for the most part I want to believe that folks post things like that in innocence, meaning no harm... that they just don't understand... yet.
sometimes I get angry, too... I think that's OK... for me though, I try not to let it get me down too much...
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ChasUFarley
I hear what you're saying, sweet sister.
You've been through A LOT and you have a lot to share.
Your sharing helps you and others learn, grow, forgive, etc. - sometimes you have no idea the impact you make. Sometimes you wonder why you continue to post on, other than the social reasons, because maybe you don't hear from anyone or connect with anyone - then there's that thread that just explodes and you get inspired all over again.
You certainly have the right to have those words about "get over it" strike a nerve. No doubt about it.
But the interesting thing I've seen, as someone who's been posting now since 1999, is that I am "getting over it" in some ways. Maybe there's less "Way brain", maybe I'm less angry, maybe I'm less insecure about my past - whatever - but there's still something to be said. There's still connections to be made. But it's not as urgent as it used to be. I don't know if this makes sense... but maybe it's because I've seen so many of these "get over it" threads on Waydale and Grease Spot - they don't really bother me anymore.
I think what may (and please forgive me if I'm wrong - this isn't a judgement) upset you is that someone, once again, is telling you where you should be in your life and how you should be arrive there, etc. Does that sound about right? And, you've been there before - LCM was on a "get it over" rant back in the 90's - but SO WHAT? Is it really that poster's business where you are in your spritual or emotional life?
In my opinion, just making a blanket statement of "get over it" is a lazy way to council people. It's three easy words that are simple to say and simple to understand and coming out of a simple mind!
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Tom Strange
I meant for this to be up there.
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Nottawayfer
Is it that they don't understand and don't know they don't fully understand? I'm wondering why some are so opinionated about shoes they haven't been in.
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likeaneagle
Belle- there is a time for getting over it....THank God....or maybe the pain eases and its not our driving force. If we carry grudges all the time it can be discouraging, always setting a course for neg results..I donot like being overly negative and when I feel to much pressure...I slow down. there is a time for letting down here.....Its not even good for the soul or the physical body to carry envy, strife and bitterness...it more like a decompression chamber here and tends to refuel...there is no real fix cause we all have been left with something to deal with...
jmho
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krys
Maybe they think that once we "get over it" we'll stop talking about "it" and it will all go away and they won't have to read about it anymore. That's just my opinion, though.
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frank123lol
Eagles song,get over it,Id like to find your inner child and kick its little a@@
People bit@@ complain whine ect... While there are some very important issues here,
such as adultry molestation Vpee craig messing with the women,there is a lot of whineing that goes on here too,Waa waa well no religious structure is perfect,twi was a cult,they abused all of us.
At some point we put it behind us and move forward,I would in all honesty,help people,Greasespot exposes
the underbelly of twi,it aint always pretty but it works,I hope when I leave here I leave it a better place.
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Belle
Tom, it’s hard to imagine you angry. Annoyed – yes, angry – no. :)
I do think they say it in ignorance, but when they’re told we all heal at our own rate, etc. yada yada yada….they just continue to defend their statement and that really gets my goat.
Chas, dang you struck a nerve hard with me….a nerve I didn’t even know was there. I started crying when I read this:
That sounds bang on correct. I didn’t realize it, but I think that’s where it’s coming from. I used to laugh when people would post those “get over it” threads because they were just stupid and eventually they go away after posting their condescending and ignorant comments – or they realized they were wrong.
But, now, at this point in my life, it affected me much different than in past times. Part of it is that this woman insisted on defending herself after being lovingly told that she was not seeing the whole picture.
WayferNot! – For some reason people come on here and, after a few days, a few posts, they seem to think they have a handle on everything and feel that TWI righteousness again….maybe. They could also be those kinds of folks that haven’t realized that everyone has different experiences and different reactions to their experiences. Comments like “get over it”, imo, just show their ignorance of that.
Likeaneagle – Very good post. Yes, we do get to the point where it’s not an all-consuming presence and the cloud starts to dissipate above us. But then things like this happen – and other things in “real life” that just jar the crap out of me, like an earthquake, and I feel like I’ve been set back 10 years in my recovery.
GSpot is a great place to decompress and to connect with folks who understand and can make you laugh; help you focus on other things or put your pain into perspective. This is a great place to get that strength reinforced. Better than therapy in many ways – therapy is only weekly or monthly – this is daily or as often as needed…and with folks who have also been there.
Krys – It’s funny, but it’s not; isn’t it? There are folks who can’t stand this site – even those who are “out”. They are the ones who, possibly, just gloss things over or choose to completely ignore the past. They could be ones with “selective memories” who would be most likely to return to TWI if they were approached again.
Frank – I remember that Eagles song. I loved it when craig talked about it. It’s not as funny when it’s used against you. Especially when you know you’re not just whining, but trying to figure things out, get better, help others and just flat out enjoy coming here for totally non-TWI related reasons.
I really resent folks telling me where they think I should be. Even as I continue to get better it’s still a struggle and there are good days and bad days and then things like this that really knock me on my foot and it’s hard to get up.
I resent them saying about the folks who have been out for decades, too. Who the heck are they to judge and say you’re not over it? Who the heck does this woman think she is by scolding you for being here?
Some of you didn’t even know GSpot was here and, for you, it’s like just having left….especially as isolated as y’all were when you left or were kicked out. Some of you who have been out for a long time who post here, bring so much to the table and rehashing, repeating stories and supporting others on here. It’s crass to judge where you are in your own healing and, when you’re healed as much as possible, I’m glad you stick around to help the rest of us.
They tell us to “get a life” when they haven’t even looked around to see that we do have lives and this is where we come to share that life with folks who know, love and understand us.
Thanks, y’all!! Once again, GSpotters to the Rescue!!
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ChattyKathy
Recently I said we need to flat our get over it and it was meant as my way of saying you can't just say it didn't happen because you don't like the answer. We can have all the real life experiences in the world of horror but if we refuse truth because we don't like how it fits into our understanding or personal experiences we need to consider how that affects not only how others heal up but especially how WE heal up.
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Watered Garden
A lot of times, reading what others have posted will bring back a memory, a thought, an incident, and suddenly I realize that here is one area of my past that I haven't dealt with and it still hurts like the very devil. It's as if a wound that had healed and made a nice scar is suddenly open, raw, bleeding, infected and hurting me all over again.
A long time ago, I wrote of an incident in my life and I'll never write about it again, but the recent threads on rape (NO I wasn't raped) brought it all back to me, shocking as ever. So, gee whiz, I'm not "over" that at all.
Someone once told me, and I don't know if it's true for sure, that the human brain retains everything and it just goes deep deep down into our subconscious.
And also I think if I just ignore everything in the past and act like it never happened, how am I supposed to help someone whose wound is new and fresh and bleeding?
WG
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ChattyKathy
We haven't the mechanism of automatic thinking set up so we deal with it and move on. The depth of damage done can be incredible for us. We may be doing all we can just to make it thru the next day I experientially realize.
So we have to recognize all of us dealing with our personal h3lls are some altered in our verbiage and understanding.
When I state things in a forum I've no business being in I do so because it is things that affects us here so that we can affect them out there.
And gawd forbid someone takes my words as superior or arrogant in any way then you must not know me. And on that I will demand that due respect here and now. So trash me if you must but if you think your words are not going to be read and you be held accountable for them then you need to....yes....go ahead and say it!
Some can't post because they don't have the means to give it when dealing with it personally and even those of us who post deal with the reality of that.
Yet our words as we grow and figure it out together are the stuff our deliverances are made of.
This is what I am saying should I not make sense.
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Belle
Kathy, you've lost me. :(
You don't think I'm talking about you, do you? I hope not!! I'm talking about people who come onto these boards and either get involved with maybe one discussion or none at all and then proceed to announce that they know what's wrong with us. The woman who posted the quotes in my initial post only has 44 posts and hasn't even been on the boards for a whole month.
Sometimes we do tell people to get over themselves or to "deal with it" in light of the fact that we do have different experiences, different perspectives and different ways of dealing with things. The folks who have been here for a long time know the other long-time posters - if through nothing more than their posts - it's still been long enough for us to "kinda" know where someone is coming from or at least a little flavor of their personality.
We fight on here and sometimes it gets ugly, but the more respectable posters (thankfully, there are lots of those), end up working it out or agreeing to disagree in a mature, responsible fashion. I'm not talking about those things either. :)
It's those who come riding their high horse into the forums and proclaim to pass judgement on us and where they think we should be and how they think we're wallowing and whining.
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ChattyKathy
Thank you sweet Belle, and I was speaking of myself because I had said that recently.
And I see the difference in what you're saying sure. Again thank you for that.
But yes I was referring to those whom cannot seem to move forward in their thinking. And I know we all hang out in our comfort zones at times, even if those zones are h3llish ones. But those who just will not move forward, yes I would agree with you on that as well.
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outintexas
IMO "get over it" is still part of waybrain's all-or-nothing thinking. In twi you apply simple "principles" and everything is supposed to be peachy. But life isn't that simple.
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ChattyKathy
Then maybe we outta redefine the phrase because if we aren't willing to get over it with it being that which holds us back then it'll be one rough road we chose.
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outofdafog
Thanks for bringing this up Belle, I have been wanting to post a little about this type of thing. Probably alot of what I might share has been shared here. I will just try to put it in the perspective that I see it (because I can't speak for anyone else nor would I ever want to or try to).
As any other world wide web forum, people come and go everyday. This site moves along pretty fast. There are also "regulars" as on any forum. Alot of people here are "over it" and stay in the hopes that they can share some meaningful experiences that will help others. Others here are working toward being able to get "over it". Others are watching from the sidelines wanting to get "over it" or wondering "what is there to "get over". This list is limited as there are a vast spectrum of people and experiences here.
The ones who say "get over it" do not bother me as much as the regular ones on this board who jump on someone new the minute they post something on this forum. It is like we want new people to come and post and share their experiences and be set free from these false prophets, but the minute they come they are attacked. If they don't agree with the majority of opinions here that TWI was horrible, (and yes I understand this is an ex-twi site) they are blasted and are afraid to come back. I know that even after posting on Waydale and this site for 6 years that I am still sometimes fearful of posting an opinion that may go against the tide of the thread. The way some of the regulars thrash each other, I would be afraid to step in too. I love honest debate, but I don't think it has to degrade to name calling and paranoia conspiracy theories.
Another thing that irks me is the Grammar Police who feel it their civic duty to inform a poster who posts for the first time that there thread is not in the right place. Good lord, leave that to the monitors of the site to decide.
And we can at least give it a little time before we start calling them the "waygb". (I do not question that the WayGB exists) But calling or questioning whether a new poster is Waygb within 24 hours or so is just paranoid in my opinion, unless of course they agree with the common belief of the most outspoken regulars here. Paranoia is not a healthy mind set. Other people on the outside see this. Could be why they see a need to say "just get over it". I often wonder how many people lurkng would love to post, but are fearful of being raked over the coal by either camp (and yes you can clearly see the camps if you watch from the sidelines). I would imagine that is just human nature though.
Lately the tone of this forum has been pretty harsh and angry - I know I have watched from the sidelines of alot of threads so I have seen the ebb and flow of the different emotions here and the strong beliefs on either side. Would be nice if the waters were a little calmer sometimes, so that those first timers getting in the pool could just step in.........without fear..........since that is where alot of them are coming from to begin with.......fear. I am just here to hope that maybe something I say in a thread helps them in any little way. Hopefully something I say could be a little thought provoking and we could all have a healthy honest debate where new folks feel they could come and start their healing process........
I don't know if this really has anything to do with "getting over it" or not, just struck me as a very good post to lend my thoughts. And these just are my thoughts as a whole not directed to anyone in particular. Maybe just trying to see the other side of the coin. Part of the healing process at least for me.........that doesn't mean I am making excuses for anyone who was abusive to the flock in any way shape or form. I am not so naive as to not understand that there is such a thing as a "troll" on an internet site also. Just some thoughts.
Hope I put it in the right section........
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Belle
Kathy, I think what you're talking about is something totally different and it's not so much "getting over it" as much as it is moving past the black & white thinking or the one track mind to the point of seeing where others are coming from and accepting that not everyone thinks like you (rhetorical) do.
That's the way I see it, anyway. Like the person who insists on holding onto his view of vee pee being infallible or that rape victims have to give details to make sure they are properly "classified" and insist that they could have just said "no". Those aren't necessarily "get over it" situations, but rather, learning compassion and how to see the different experiences and descriptions of their experiences for what they are and having a heart to help or comfort them instead of attacking them and/or engaging in debates about terminology. That's holding onto their position no matter what....not really a "get over it" thing, imo. It's more of a grow up and quit being so arrogant and egocentric kind of thing. <_<
I think most of us are working through things.....yes, even those of us who have been out for forty years and been here for six years....not all, but there are some who are still working through things, and like WG said, just when you think you've dealt with something an incident, a word, a post will rip that scar wide open again.
I don't know how to qualify when we're "over it". And what "it" is that folks think we should be "over".
Please know I'm not trying to argue, just thinking out loud....and I've never thought of you as a "get over it" quoting kind of jerk. I don't remember you saying that and I'm sure there's more to the context that just "get over it" if you said it.
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outofdafog
but rather, learning compassion and how to see the different experiences and descriptions of their experiences for what they are and having a heart to help or comfort them instead of attacking them and/or engaging in debates about terminology. That's holding onto their position no matter what....not really a "get over it" thing, imo.
Exactly Belle ........
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Belle
~~~~~~~
Outofdafog - I hear ya! I understand and I, too, cringe when people get jumped on as soon as they post. I try my best to help folks who are new, but I, too, am just as guilty of being overly inconsiderate at times, too.
I cringed and wanted to just die when I saw how Freud and Jung were treated when they came on here. I wouldn't blame them for never coming back (and for the record, I think they are on the up and up). It was like a kid being so embarrassed that her siblings could be such bullies and so cruel to someone who hasn't given any reason whatsoever to deserve that kind of treatment.
Some of these topics are the same ones we hash and rehash and there are some posters who are so predictable that I don't know why the arguments continue when obviously they aren't ever going to agree with each other. I just stay out of those as much as possible.
We could be nicer to new folks and give them the benefit of the doubt and at least treat them as genuine, innocent newcomers until they give us a reason not to. When someone new is catching flak on the boards, I will frequently PM them and apologize for us. If they appear to need a little help with the boards, I offer suggestions and help in that way, as well.
I suppose the road goes both ways and we can't expect people to not pass judgement on us when they're treated as bad, or worse than they were in TWI.
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ChattyKathy
Belle,
We are in agreement. And thank you for taking the time to work this out. ((you))
Outintexas,
My words sounded harsh and I didn't mean them to be.
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Belle
(((((Kathy)))))
See? Here's where we get to the group hug!
It's cause we've been around each other long enough to know that when there seems to be a disagreement, it's most likely just a communication breakdown. I know you're a very kind-hearted lady and I know you don't rush to judgement.
I wish the new posters who do rush to judgement would get to know us better, too. :)
Prov 18:8 comes to mind:
The words of a talebearer [are] as wounds, and they go down into the innermost parts of the belly.
Words do cut to the bone and they can hurt terribly.
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ChattyKathy
(((you)))
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Jim
About all I can add is that my wife and I have agreed that the phrase "just get over it" is one that we *don't* say to each other. The reason is simple. Telling someone to get over something doesn't work.
If you could get over something by someone telling you to "get over it", chances are you'd have done it already. Besides that it's rather condescending.
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SafariVista
(((((((((every sweet heart here))))))))
'Just get over it' seems like a good phrase to tell yourself when you're debating with yourself as to stopping or continuing 'something'...
I could see it spoken in the military... a group moving in one direction w/out time for slackers... do or die...
Guess that was TWI, wasn't it?
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