Good News from Andy Rooney

[Raf]

Originally published in the book, "A Few Minutes With Andy Rooney." This may have actually been broadcast. I don't know.

All of use who work in television news are constantly being accused of emphasizing the negative side of everything. We get letters saying we never cover a story unless something terrible happends.

Tonight we've put together a little news broadcast to give you an idea of how it would look if you had it your way.

"I'm here by the Mississippi. It's raining but the river is not overflowing its banks.

"As a matter of fact, it doesn't look to me as though there's any danger of a flood whatsoever. People are not piling up sandbags. No one has been forced to evacuate his home and the Governor has not asked that this be declared a federal disaster area."

"O'Hare Airport in Chicago is one of the nation's busiest. At 11 A.M., a jet aircraft with 168 passengers and ten crew members on board started down the long runway. The plane, headed for London, took off without incident. It landed without incident too. Everyone on board is now in London.

"One passenger on board that plane was quoted as saying he didn't like the fake milk they served with the coffee."

"For a report from New York City we take you to our correspondent standing in front of the Plaza, one of the New York City's most luxurious hotels.

"This is the Plaza, one of New York City's most luxurious hotels. CBS News has learned that last evening, after a night on the town, the Shah of Franakapan and his semi-beautiful wife returned to their hotel suite after depositing more than a million dollars' worth of jewelry in the hotel safe. The jewels included the famous Cooch Behar Diamond.

"This morning, when the safe was opened, all the jewelry including the famous Cooch Behar Diamond was right there where they'd left it."

"In Florida, the orange crop was hit by another night of average weather.

"The oranges just hung in there and grew."

"Oil industry officials announced today they were lowering prices because they just don't need the money. One reason for their affluence is their safety records.

"The oil tanks behind me are very close to a residential area. If they were on fire, smoke would be seen billowing up for miles around. They aren't on fire, though; they're just sitting there."

"In Detroit, a General Motors spokesman announced today that more than 174,000 Chevrolets made in the late fall of 1974 would not be recalled. They are all perfect.

"At eleven-thirty this evening, CBS News will present a special report listing the serial numbers of those cars."

And if that's what you want to hear, that's the way it was.

Good evening.

[This message was edited by Rafael 1969 on August 16, 2003 at 16:23.]

[Shellon]

Love Andy Rooney

Just bought my dad a copy for his birthday and he wants to get another copy for his wife. Interesting, amazing man that makes one think!