we had a van and there was a joyful noise concert in a nearby town{new brenon?] we were asked to bring a bunch of corps people to the concert and of course we were honored to do so
picture this! all there corps people in the van and we are gettig ready to pull out of the driveway and my little boy says real out loud
Recently my sister told me of an incident where her and her husband were sitting in this restaurant/pub place.
Well...in walks in this lovely little family of 3. Mom, Dad and 3 yr. old son in tow.
The little boy sits down snow pants and all, and after a few moments, decides to announce to his parents, (and loud enough so that the whole restaurant could hear him), "Mom, I just peed my pants."
That was it. Nothing more, nothing less. Just as calmly as if he were saying, "Mom, can you pass me the menu."
The father said, "Well, thank you son for announcing this to us AND the rest of the restaurant."
An past acquaintance of mine had several children all of them born naturally. The first and second were born at home with a midwife. For the third child they decided to go to a birthing clinic. Perhaps because with two kids this would be better for everyone.
Anyway, on the way to the clinic my friend announces that the baby is coming RIGHT NOW! Hubby pulls over and checks his wife, and tells her its time to start pushing. Now, the oldest. a girl, is rubbing mom's hair and being real attentive. The son, maybe 4 or 5 years old, is way in the back of the van playing with his trucks - "VROOM VROOM!"
Labor, screaming, cut the cord, and back on the road to the clinic to have mom and baby checked out. The son is clueless. Finally he comes up to the front and looks at mom and says,
Ok, one Sunday after church, family and I happened upon new acquaintance family, who moved in a couple houses down the street.
We had kinda waved at each other in passing, and I was quite pleased to run into them at church.
So, family and I walk up to newby to church family. "Hi, it's good to see you guys," I say to Mom. Mostly. (Dad was standing there aloof, looking slightly uncomfortable.)
I look at daughter of said mom, who is maybe 4.
And "what is your name?" I ask innocuously.
Little girl says, "My name is Amanda, and I have a vagina!"
She was obviously quite excited to share this with me.
Meanwhile, Mom is turning shades of red I didn't know existed, and Dad is inching ever slowly further and further away from the, um, conversation.
In my effort to say the day, and minimize further embarassment to Mom, I say, looking directly at guilty child, "That is wonderful, Amanda."
Well, Amanda, encouraged by my attention to her comment says, "And guess what? Johhny (little brother, who is like 2) has a p*nis, but it doesn't have a beard like Daddy's."
Ok, Mom is horrified by now.
So I turn and look at Mom and say, "You just had 'the talk' right?"
She says, "Ohmigosh, yes." I said, "Don't worry about it, it gets worse as they get older, I promise."
She, knowing I had teens replied, "Can I have your phone number?"
I was driving with a friend back in Way days. He was the LC of Alaska. And while driving along, his four year old son says; "Dad? Are all other drivers a s s holes?". Needless to say I burst out laughing as my friend turned red....
And that story about; "Hey where did that baby come from?" cracked me up! Playing with his trucks.....
Before I tell this story, I first need to explain the baby's nickname.
His real name is Andreas, but we started calling him "Dre" for short.
"Dre" soon became "Dre-oofice" and than Kristopher shortened it to "Oofie".
Yes, we call him "Oofie". (He'll hate us for it later when he figures it out, I'm sure.)
=============
Okay the story....
About two weeks ago, hubby came home from work and was telling a story about an incident - he was very animated during the telling of this tale, and somewhere the word, "biiach" was used. (If you aren't familiar with it, it's like a slang word for b!+ch - pronounced "BEE-ach".)
We sat down to supper and the baby was being a stinker about eating - he was just being a real pain. The more hubby tried to get him to eat, the fussier and more stubborn he became. Hubby said something like, "What a pain!"
Then, suddenly, from the other end of the table, we heard Kristopher say, "Biiiii-ach, Oofie!"
Hubby and I about died laughing - it was the funniest thing! Of course I told hubby to look out for what he says in front of Kristopher - I'm sure the Christian pre-school he goes to will appreciate this someday...
I was just reminded of another Kristopher incident...
We were sitting in the livingroom watching a movie with Kristopher one evening, post supper. Hubby was nice and relaxed on the couch. He was so relaxed, he decided to... you know... let one rip....
"*BBBBBRRRRAAAAAAAPPPPPPPP!*"
Kristopher, not missing a beat , instantly identified the noise and yelled,
"QUICK! Call the FIRE DEPARTMENT!"
(He was serious.... but as someone who was also in the room... I can tell you the kid was about right on!)
Well I don't have to think back very far to remember some good ones. They happen almost everyday around here.
Some of the funniest ones of course involve unintentionally saying words they shouldn't. My oldest, now almost three, when he first started to build his vocabulary had trouble with certain sounds as many kids do. For example, he couldn't say "truck". Instead he would excitedly yell out barn animal names like, "Daddy, look-a-that big cock!" Of course, he is a boy so he was and is enamoured with trucks of all shapes and sizes but at this age everything is big to him. I would say, "Oh yeah, that is a TRUck" emphisizing the TRU part. He'd come back with "Yeah, that's a big HUGE cock!" of course usually his excitement made him yell this most of the time. We had to explain it to the daycare lady. Thankfully she understood.
Another time while outside on the deck for dinner, his cousin had been outside with him earlier playing with sticks. You guessed it. He couldn't say stick very well. The "st" was much too hard to say for a boy of only two years. The "D" sound was much easier. So after dinner he saw a stick they were playing with and wanted to show it to us. "Look at at my big *ick. Its a big HUGE *ick." To which the entire table erupted into laughter, with the exception of his territorial 3yr old cousin who had eaten with us. He exclaimed, "NO THAT'S MY STICK!" So my son corrected himself, "Look at Andrew's big HUGE *ick!" Which was even funnier to us, but we were trying to calm ourselves and kept saying through our laughter "STick....STick, that is a big STick." At that point though, all our laughing had already fueled the fire and my boy continued to please by describing the stick to us the best he could as loud as he could so we could hear. "Its Andrew's big, huge, long *ick." etc. Once we caught our breath the only thing we could do was distract and divert his atteniton to something else that he could pronounce correctly. Our neighbors must think we are a strange bunch.
Something I always get a kick out of is how he uses words he knows to relate other things to us.
Like once while we were playing with those sticky octopus things that kind of crawl down the wall when you throw it against it. Well the little man threw it up and hit the ceiling. Of course that was a "big, huge" throw and as he put it he "hit the wall up in the sky."
Our youngest is now 5. He has three older siblings, 12, 14 & 17... he has heard us tell jokes on several occasions, and likes to be involved.
His jokes ALWAYS involve a rabbit, the rabbit does something fairly current to family happenings (sledding, rollerskating, swimming), then it is struck by a car or other moving object, it is taken to the hospital and the doctor pokes it in the eye...
He laughs at his own jokes like it was the funniest thing in the world... then he says, 'okay, wait, I have another one'... and proceeds to tell the same joke... by this time we're all laughing at his laughing, and he can bearly speak because he thinks we found the joke funny....
This has gone on for hours... it really is quite funny
Safari - Sounds like your little one and Kristopher would get along just great - Kristopher loves telling jokes, but his favorite is the knock-knock joke about bananas and then ends with the orange being at the door and, "Orange you glad I didn't say banana?!" Then, he also starts making them up... that can be weird and funny all at once... you never know what they're going to say!
================================
Lindy - "hit the wall up in the sky." - I love it! What's funny is that stuff like this makes perfect sence when you think about - but it's just not the way we actually say things. I love seeing a child's logic at work with the limited vocabulary they have - they just "make it work"... it's so sweet!
These stories make me nostalgic for the days when we had little ones stomping through the house. Precious times, indeed!
I do remember an incident though, when my kids were getting a tad bit older......
Grandma and Grandpa came over for dinner, and the kids were excited to see them and be eating spaghetti as well. (their favorite meal)
We were all sitting around the dinner table, and my 2 girls were jabbering away about life at school, and who gave whom a wedgie when the teacher wasn't looking, etc.
Son, who was like 8, was trying to get a word in edgewise, but girls (who are a couple of years older) kept talking non-stop, ignoring little brother.
Bless his little heart, he keeps trying to be a part of the, um, I guess you could call it a conversation? Meanwhile, everybody is downing mouthfuls of spaghetti. Son still can't manage to get anyone's attention, as everyone is focused on the chatty girls.
Finally, son, pushes his chair away from the table, and starts twitching his eye like he has a really bad tick.
Says he: "I'm going to need therapy after this!"
My mom, always a quick comeback says, "yeah, and you'll probably never eat spaghetti again without a twitch." :D
My son also had trouble pronouncing some letters early in his speaking days.
One day he was walking around the house, shaking his head "no", and saying "Bat shi+".
I tried to determine what he was referring to, to no avail.
Late in the afternoon, he and his sister had a spat, and he yelled "Okay, I've had it, bat shi+". It was then I realized he was mimicking what he often heard me say when I was frustrated with the little ones "Okay, I've had it, that's it. Stop _______ (whatever it was they were doing that was irritating me)."
I started raising chickens a few years ago. I started with chicks. Last year when my daughter was 6, and the chickens were comming to breeding age, we were outside feeding and watching the chickens. A rooster jumped onj a hen and they began doing what chickens do.
My daughter asked me. "Daddy, what's that rooster doing to that he?" I told he that he was breeding her and thats what makes eggs turn into baby chicks. She said "ok daddy" as if she understood.
About 5 minutes later she cam up to me and said. "Daddy, I think that rooster wants to breed me"
I remember asking my parents what a "sino" was. They were very confused and Daddy told me to use it in a sentence....I said, "Jesus loves me this sino...."
My little brother got in trouble on the school bus one day and when the bus driver scolded him he stood up, stomped his foot, put his hands on his hips at the same time and yelled, "Bull Hockey!!" at the driver.
The driver had tears in his eyes as he was calling my parents to tell them about it.
We were die-hard hippies. One day when Katy was about 3, we went into Denny's just before the supper rush...so we had the restaurant pretty much to ourselves. We were seated in the main dining area at a little table for 4 right next to a big round table for 8. While waiting for our meal, a bunch of highway patrolmen came in and were seated at the table for 8. Just when nobody was saying anything and the room was very quiet, Katy said oh so matter-of-factly, "Look Mom. Pigs." :o
Micah was about 3 (hmmm...a pattern! lol). He had an 8yo friend who often stole his toys. Micah got sooooo mad about this! I asked him if he wanted me to say something to the other boy's mother. "No, Mom. I'll figure this out." Well, one day I'm sitting at the dining room table doing my homework (for college hehehe) when I hear all sorts of noise. I go outside and see this other boy all tangled up in fishing line with cans and other noisy stuff tied to it. Micah had set a trap and caught the boy! Then Micah comes around the corner of the house and says to the other boy, "Ha! I caught you left-handed!"
Well, I shushed Katy real quick! And then I apologized over and over and over again. The officers just looked at us for several minutes. Finally our food came and they looked away. We sat there until every last one of them had left the parking lot, though. Yikes!
Micah...what's he doing now? If I told you they'd have to do something to you you. Hehehehe. Actually, he's being a little booger. He's going to be 20yo at the end of the month...and thinks he's got all the time in the world to get his life together...so he's not bothering with such stuff right now. Makes me crazy!!!
Another story about Micah...
Same age, same friend, same place we were living...
In CA there's something called 'tall grass'. It's a protected grass that people aren't allowed to mow down unless there is a danger in leaving it tall. Anyway, next to where we lived was a little cafe. Along one side of the parking lot of this cafe was a privacy fence with a wide row of 'tall grass' growing in it...on purpose...decorative doncha know. Well, one day there were some hobos in the grass enjoying the relative coolness and having some lunch. Micah and his buddy hear these guys in the tall grass and go investigate. Of course the hobos are thinking about having some fun with these kids...so they teach the boys how to flick book matches across the striking area in such a way that lit matches will be flicked out about 3 or 4 feet. Then the hobos decide to move on for the day...and leave the boys in the tall grass with a couple of books of matches to 'practice' with.
In the meantime, I am about 50' away at a neighbor's place. This neighbor has a scanner. I hear the cafe's address go out over the scanner as a fire call. Immediately I'm up outta my chair in a panic saying, "Where're Micah and Omar????" I take off back to my place. Just as I get there, here comes little 3yo Micah walking hurriedly up to our place, hands in his pockets, head down. He looks up to see me standing there. Just as I'm about to grab him and hug him (since he's safe), he looks at me and says, "Mom, go back inside right now. I'll take care of this. You just go on back inside. Nothing here for you to see." And he herds be back inside. The whole time he's in this stance with his feet spread apart and firmly planted, one hand in a pocket, the other held up and being used like a traffic director. It was odd and funny and disconcerting and too grownup all at the same time.
Well I'm hearing the sirens coming down the hill...and so's Micah. "Hurry up, Mom. Do as you're told to do. I'll take care of this. Now!" I'm thinking, "OK, buddy. You just go ahead and 'take care' of this. But I'm gonna be watching out the window...and I think I'm gonna find out something you've done...."
Once I'm inside, Micah turns around and heads back to the cafe's parking lot. I follow him. Hehe. I stay behind the privacy fence where I can hear what's going on, but nobody can see me.
The fire chief starts talking to the boys. Seems Omar (who is 8yo...while Micah is 3yo) is trying to pawn everything off on Micah. Micah goes off at him!!! "You dirty rotten little liar! You'd better tell the truth or I'm going to do something real bad to you!"
Well, I come out from behind the privacy fence and talk with the fire chief. The boys get split up while the chief talks to each one separately. I tell the chief to go for it with however he wants to put the fear of gawd into Micah.
Once all is said and done, and the fire chief and Omar have left, Micah says, "C'mon Mom. We'll take care of this another day. Let's not tell Dad, OK?"
I'm thinking, "This kid is too much!"
Well, at supper that evening I keep giving Micah the eye...and Bill notices...and he starts giving Micah the eye. Finally Micah can't take it any longer and says, "Dad, we need to talk. In private."
I don't know what they talked about...neither would tell me.
I do know that Micah is still a firebug...and boy do I have stories!!!!
Okay, I can share a TON of funny real life police stories.
First one - my ex and I are driving down the road and I'm telling him that I can tell that's his passion and that if that's what he wants to do with his life, then we need to figure out how to get him back into law enforcement.
THEN, I make a joke about cops & donuts...I get reamed totally - NOBODYESPECIALLY not my wife!!!!
We then drive by the Dunkin Donuts.....FIVE COP CARS PARKED IN FRONT.....
You may have heard these before, but they will always make you
Why We Love Children
1. A kindergarten pupil told his teacher he'd found a cat, but it was dead.
"How do you know that the cat was dead?" she asked her pupil.
"Because I p1ssed in its ear and it didn't move," answered the child innocently.
You did WHAT ???" the teacher exclaimed in surprise.
"You know,"explained the boy, "I leaned over and went 'Pssst!' and it didn't move."
2. A small boy is sent to bed by his father.
Five minutes later...."Da-ad...."
"What?"
"I'm thirsty. Can you bring drink of water?"
"No, You had your chance. Lights out."
Five minutes later: "Da-aaaad....."
"WHAT?"
"I'm THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water??"
I told you NO! If you ask again, I'll have to spank you!!"
Five minutes later......"Daaaa-aaaad....."
"WHAT!"
"When you come in to spank me, can you bring a drink of water?"
3. An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief, finally asked him "How do you expect to get into Heaven?"
The boy thought it over and said, "Well, I'll run in and out and in and out and keep slamming the door
until St. Peter says, 'For Heaven's sake, Dylan, come in or stay out!'"
4. One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking her son into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his voice, "Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?"
The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug. "I can't dear," she said. "I have to sleep in Daddy's room."
A long silence was broken at last by his shaky little voice: "The big sissy."
5. It was that time, during the Sunday morning service, for the children's sermon. All the children were invited to come forward.
One little girl was wearing a particularly pretty dress and, as she sat down, the pastor leaned over and said, "That is a very pretty dress. Is it your Easter Dress?"
The little girl replied, directly into the pastor's clip-on microphone, "Yes, and my Mom says it's a b1tch to iron."
6 When I was six months pregnant with my third child, my three year old came into the room when I was just getting ready to get into the shower. She said, "Mommy, you are getting fat!"
I replied, "Yes, honey, remember Mommy has a baby growing in her tummy."
"I know," she replied, but what's growing in your butt?"
7 A little boy was doing his math homework. He said to himself,
"Two plus five, the son of a bitch is seven.
Three plus six, the son of a bitch is nine..."
His mother heard what he was saying and gasped, "What are you doing?"
The little boy answered, "I'm doing my math homework, Mom."
"And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?" the mother asked.
"Yes," he answered.
Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher the next day, "What are you teaching my son in math?"
The teacher replied, "Right now, we are learning addition."
The mother asked, "And are you teaching them to say two plus two, the son of a bitch is four?"
After the teacher stopped laughing, she answered, "What I taught them was,
two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is four."
8. One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken Little to her class. She came to the part of the story where Chicken Little tried to warn the farmer.
She read, ".... and so Chicken Little went up to the farmer and said, "The sky is falling, the sky is falling!"
The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do you think that farmer said?"
One little girl raised her hand and said, "I think he said: 'Holy Sh1t! A talking chicken!'"
The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.
9. A certain little girl, when asked her name, would reply, "I'm Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter."
Her mother told her this was wrong, she must say, "I'm Jane Sugarbrown."
The Vicar spoke to her in Sunday School, and said, "Aren't you Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter?"
She replied, "I thought I was, but mother says I'm not."
10 A little girl asked her mother, "Can I go outside and play with the boys?"
Her mother replied, "No, you can't play with the boys, they're too rough."
The little girl thought about it for a few moments and asked, "If I can find a smooth one, can I play with him?"
11. A little girl goes to the barber shop with her father.
She stands next to the barber chair, while her dad gets his hair cut, eating a snack cake ... The barber says to her, "Sweetheart, you're gonna get hair on your Twinkie."
She says, "Yes, I know, and I'm gonna get boobs too."
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coolchef1248 @adelphia.net
cute ex
i remember the first time when we visited hq
it was friendly then
we had a van and there was a joyful noise concert in a nearby town{new brenon?] we were asked to bring a bunch of corps people to the concert and of course we were honored to do so
picture this! all there corps people in the van and we are gettig ready to pull out of the driveway and my little boy says real out loud
we don't say @(%* anymore do we daddy!!!
funny now not then!!
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A la prochaine
Cool Chef....that's halarious!!!
Recently my sister told me of an incident where her and her husband were sitting in this restaurant/pub place.
Well...in walks in this lovely little family of 3. Mom, Dad and 3 yr. old son in tow.
The little boy sits down snow pants and all, and after a few moments, decides to announce to his parents, (and loud enough so that the whole restaurant could hear him), "Mom, I just peed my pants."
That was it. Nothing more, nothing less. Just as calmly as if he were saying, "Mom, can you pass me the menu."
The father said, "Well, thank you son for announcing this to us AND the rest of the restaurant."
They left the restaurant a few minutes later.
OH ... those wonderful children!
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doojable
An past acquaintance of mine had several children all of them born naturally. The first and second were born at home with a midwife. For the third child they decided to go to a birthing clinic. Perhaps because with two kids this would be better for everyone.
Anyway, on the way to the clinic my friend announces that the baby is coming RIGHT NOW! Hubby pulls over and checks his wife, and tells her its time to start pushing. Now, the oldest. a girl, is rubbing mom's hair and being real attentive. The son, maybe 4 or 5 years old, is way in the back of the van playing with his trucks - "VROOM VROOM!"
Labor, screaming, cut the cord, and back on the road to the clinic to have mom and baby checked out. The son is clueless. Finally he comes up to the front and looks at mom and says,
"Hey! Where did that baby come from?!!"
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ex10
OMG
Too funny! I love telling stories!!
Ok, one Sunday after church, family and I happened upon new acquaintance family, who moved in a couple houses down the street.
We had kinda waved at each other in passing, and I was quite pleased to run into them at church.
So, family and I walk up to newby to church family. "Hi, it's good to see you guys," I say to Mom. Mostly. (Dad was standing there aloof, looking slightly uncomfortable.)
I look at daughter of said mom, who is maybe 4.
And "what is your name?" I ask innocuously.
Little girl says, "My name is Amanda, and I have a vagina!"
She was obviously quite excited to share this with me.
Meanwhile, Mom is turning shades of red I didn't know existed, and Dad is inching ever slowly further and further away from the, um, conversation.
In my effort to say the day, and minimize further embarassment to Mom, I say, looking directly at guilty child, "That is wonderful, Amanda."
Well, Amanda, encouraged by my attention to her comment says, "And guess what? Johhny (little brother, who is like 2) has a p*nis, but it doesn't have a beard like Daddy's."
Ok, Mom is horrified by now.
So I turn and look at Mom and say, "You just had 'the talk' right?"
She says, "Ohmigosh, yes." I said, "Don't worry about it, it gets worse as they get older, I promise."
She, knowing I had teens replied, "Can I have your phone number?"
Cripes, what else do you say?
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J0nny Ling0
I was driving with a friend back in Way days. He was the LC of Alaska. And while driving along, his four year old son says; "Dad? Are all other drivers a s s holes?". Needless to say I burst out laughing as my friend turned red....
And that story about; "Hey where did that baby come from?" cracked me up! Playing with his trucks.....
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ChasUFarley
Before I tell this story, I first need to explain the baby's nickname.
His real name is Andreas, but we started calling him "Dre" for short.
"Dre" soon became "Dre-oofice" and than Kristopher shortened it to "Oofie".
Yes, we call him "Oofie". (He'll hate us for it later when he figures it out, I'm sure.)
=============
Okay the story....
About two weeks ago, hubby came home from work and was telling a story about an incident - he was very animated during the telling of this tale, and somewhere the word, "biiach" was used. (If you aren't familiar with it, it's like a slang word for b!+ch - pronounced "BEE-ach".)
We sat down to supper and the baby was being a stinker about eating - he was just being a real pain. The more hubby tried to get him to eat, the fussier and more stubborn he became. Hubby said something like, "What a pain!"
Then, suddenly, from the other end of the table, we heard Kristopher say, "Biiiii-ach, Oofie!"
Hubby and I about died laughing - it was the funniest thing! Of course I told hubby to look out for what he says in front of Kristopher - I'm sure the Christian pre-school he goes to will appreciate this someday...
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topoftheworld
ROFLMAO!
Priceless.
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ChasUFarley
I was just reminded of another Kristopher incident...
We were sitting in the livingroom watching a movie with Kristopher one evening, post supper. Hubby was nice and relaxed on the couch. He was so relaxed, he decided to... you know... let one rip....
"*BBBBBRRRRAAAAAAAPPPPPPPP!*"
Kristopher, not missing a beat
, instantly identified the noise and yelled,
"QUICK! Call the FIRE DEPARTMENT!"
(He was serious.... but as someone who was also in the room... I can tell you the kid was about right on!)
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SafariVista
This seemed like the most appropriate place for this video... the children are babies... it's funny
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=32...2538278&pl=true
hehehe
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lindyhopper
Well I don't have to think back very far to remember some good ones. They happen almost everyday around here.
Some of the funniest ones of course involve unintentionally saying words they shouldn't. My oldest, now almost three, when he first started to build his vocabulary had trouble with certain sounds as many kids do. For example, he couldn't say "truck". Instead he would excitedly yell out barn animal names like, "Daddy, look-a-that big cock!" Of course, he is a boy so he was and is enamoured with trucks of all shapes and sizes but at this age everything is big to him. I would say, "Oh yeah, that is a TRUck" emphisizing the TRU part. He'd come back with "Yeah, that's a big HUGE cock!" of course usually his excitement made him yell this most of the time. We had to explain it to the daycare lady. Thankfully she understood.
Another time while outside on the deck for dinner, his cousin had been outside with him earlier playing with sticks. You guessed it. He couldn't say stick very well. The "st" was much too hard to say for a boy of only two years. The "D" sound was much easier. So after dinner he saw a stick they were playing with and wanted to show it to us. "Look at at my big *ick. Its a big HUGE *ick." To which the entire table erupted into laughter, with the exception of his territorial 3yr old cousin who had eaten with us. He exclaimed, "NO THAT'S MY STICK!" So my son corrected himself, "Look at Andrew's big HUGE *ick!" Which was even funnier to us, but we were trying to calm ourselves and kept saying through our laughter "STick....STick, that is a big STick." At that point though, all our laughing had already fueled the fire and my boy continued to please by describing the stick to us the best he could as loud as he could so we could hear. "Its Andrew's big, huge, long *ick." etc. Once we caught our breath the only thing we could do was distract and divert his atteniton to something else that he could pronounce correctly. Our neighbors must think we are a strange bunch.
Something I always get a kick out of is how he uses words he knows to relate other things to us.
Like once while we were playing with those sticky octopus things that kind of crawl down the wall when you throw it against it. Well the little man threw it up and hit the ceiling. Of course that was a "big, huge" throw and as he put it he "hit the wall up in the sky."
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SafariVista
Our youngest is now 5. He has three older siblings, 12, 14 & 17... he has heard us tell jokes on several occasions, and likes to be involved.
His jokes ALWAYS involve a rabbit, the rabbit does something fairly current to family happenings (sledding, rollerskating, swimming), then it is struck by a car or other moving object, it is taken to the hospital and the doctor pokes it in the eye...
He laughs at his own jokes like it was the funniest thing in the world... then he says, 'okay, wait, I have another one'... and proceeds to tell the same joke... by this time we're all laughing at his laughing, and he can bearly speak because he thinks we found the joke funny....
This has gone on for hours... it really is quite funny
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ChasUFarley
Safari - Sounds like your little one and Kristopher would get along just great - Kristopher loves telling jokes, but his favorite is the knock-knock joke about bananas and then ends with the orange being at the door and, "Orange you glad I didn't say banana?!" Then, he also starts making them up... that can be weird and funny all at once... you never know what they're going to say!
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Lindy - "hit the wall up in the sky." - I love it! What's funny is that stuff like this makes perfect sence when you think about - but it's just not the way we actually say things. I love seeing a child's logic at work with the limited vocabulary they have - they just "make it work"... it's so sweet!
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Suda
One of my son's favorite jokes
Which cheese in the refrigerator does not belong to you?
Nacho cheese.
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ex10
These stories make me nostalgic for the days when we had little ones stomping through the house. Precious times, indeed!
I do remember an incident though, when my kids were getting a tad bit older......
Grandma and Grandpa came over for dinner, and the kids were excited to see them and be eating spaghetti as well. (their favorite meal)
We were all sitting around the dinner table, and my 2 girls were jabbering away about life at school, and who gave whom a wedgie when the teacher wasn't looking, etc.
Son, who was like 8, was trying to get a word in edgewise, but girls (who are a couple of years older) kept talking non-stop, ignoring little brother.
Bless his little heart, he keeps trying to be a part of the, um, I guess you could call it a conversation? Meanwhile, everybody is downing mouthfuls of spaghetti. Son still can't manage to get anyone's attention, as everyone is focused on the chatty girls.
Finally, son, pushes his chair away from the table, and starts twitching his eye like he has a really bad tick.
Says he: "I'm going to need therapy after this!"
My mom, always a quick comeback says, "yeah, and you'll probably never eat spaghetti again without a twitch." :D
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Suda
My son also had trouble pronouncing some letters early in his speaking days.
One day he was walking around the house, shaking his head "no", and saying "Bat shi+".
I tried to determine what he was referring to, to no avail.
Late in the afternoon, he and his sister had a spat, and he yelled "Okay, I've had it, bat shi+". It was then I realized he was mimicking what he often heard me say when I was frustrated with the little ones "Okay, I've had it, that's it. Stop _______ (whatever it was they were doing that was irritating me)."
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Nottawayfer
ROFLMAO!!!!!
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Goey
I started raising chickens a few years ago. I started with chicks. Last year when my daughter was 6, and the chickens were comming to breeding age, we were outside feeding and watching the chickens. A rooster jumped onj a hen and they began doing what chickens do.
My daughter asked me. "Daddy, what's that rooster doing to that he?" I told he that he was breeding her and thats what makes eggs turn into baby chicks. She said "ok daddy" as if she understood.
About 5 minutes later she cam up to me and said. "Daddy, I think that rooster wants to breed me"
I about lost it ...
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Belle
ROFLMAO!!! These are precious!!!
Out of the mouth of babes, eh?
I remember asking my parents what a "sino" was. They were very confused and Daddy told me to use it in a sentence....I said, "Jesus loves me this sino...."
My little brother got in trouble on the school bus one day and when the bus driver scolded him he stood up, stomped his foot, put his hands on his hips at the same time and yelled, "Bull Hockey!!" at the driver.
The driver had tears in his eyes as he was calling my parents to tell them about it.
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CoolWaters
These are great!!!!
A couple of my favorites from my kids...
We were die-hard hippies. One day when Katy was about 3, we went into Denny's just before the supper rush...so we had the restaurant pretty much to ourselves. We were seated in the main dining area at a little table for 4 right next to a big round table for 8. While waiting for our meal, a bunch of highway patrolmen came in and were seated at the table for 8. Just when nobody was saying anything and the room was very quiet, Katy said oh so matter-of-factly, "Look Mom. Pigs." :o
Micah was about 3 (hmmm...a pattern! lol). He had an 8yo friend who often stole his toys. Micah got sooooo mad about this! I asked him if he wanted me to say something to the other boy's mother. "No, Mom. I'll figure this out." Well, one day I'm sitting at the dining room table doing my homework (for college hehehe) when I hear all sorts of noise. I go outside and see this other boy all tangled up in fishing line with cans and other noisy stuff tied to it. Micah had set a trap and caught the boy! Then Micah comes around the corner of the house and says to the other boy, "Ha! I caught you left-handed!"
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SafariVista
Funny CoolWaters!
What did you and the officers at the table for 8 say or do?... Oh my!
Micah was 3 and figured out how to catch a theif?!?!?!... amazing! What is he doing now?
Great stories!
:)
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CoolWaters
Well, I shushed Katy real quick! And then I apologized over and over and over again. The officers just looked at us for several minutes. Finally our food came and they looked away. We sat there until every last one of them had left the parking lot, though. Yikes!
Micah...what's he doing now? If I told you they'd have to do something to you you. Hehehehe. Actually, he's being a little booger. He's going to be 20yo at the end of the month...and thinks he's got all the time in the world to get his life together...so he's not bothering with such stuff right now.
Makes me crazy!!!
Another story about Micah...
Same age, same friend, same place we were living...
In CA there's something called 'tall grass'. It's a protected grass that people aren't allowed to mow down unless there is a danger in leaving it tall. Anyway, next to where we lived was a little cafe. Along one side of the parking lot of this cafe was a privacy fence with a wide row of 'tall grass' growing in it...on purpose...decorative doncha know. Well, one day there were some hobos in the grass enjoying the relative coolness and having some lunch. Micah and his buddy hear these guys in the tall grass and go investigate. Of course the hobos are thinking about having some fun with these kids...so they teach the boys how to flick book matches across the striking area in such a way that lit matches will be flicked out about 3 or 4 feet. Then the hobos decide to move on for the day...and leave the boys in the tall grass with a couple of books of matches to 'practice' with.
In the meantime, I am about 50' away at a neighbor's place. This neighbor has a scanner. I hear the cafe's address go out over the scanner as a fire call. Immediately I'm up outta my chair in a panic saying, "Where're Micah and Omar????" I take off back to my place. Just as I get there, here comes little 3yo Micah walking hurriedly up to our place, hands in his pockets, head down. He looks up to see me standing there. Just as I'm about to grab him and hug him (since he's safe), he looks at me and says, "Mom, go back inside right now. I'll take care of this. You just go on back inside. Nothing here for you to see." And he herds be back inside. The whole time he's in this stance with his feet spread apart and firmly planted, one hand in a pocket, the other held up and being used like a traffic director. It was odd and funny and disconcerting and too grownup all at the same time.
Well I'm hearing the sirens coming down the hill...and so's Micah. "Hurry up, Mom. Do as you're told to do. I'll take care of this. Now!" I'm thinking, "OK, buddy. You just go ahead and 'take care' of this. But I'm gonna be watching out the window...and I think I'm gonna find out something you've done...."
Once I'm inside, Micah turns around and heads back to the cafe's parking lot. I follow him. Hehe. I stay behind the privacy fence where I can hear what's going on, but nobody can see me.
The fire chief starts talking to the boys. Seems Omar (who is 8yo...while Micah is 3yo) is trying to pawn everything off on Micah. Micah goes off at him!!! "You dirty rotten little liar! You'd better tell the truth or I'm going to do something real bad to you!"
Well, I come out from behind the privacy fence and talk with the fire chief. The boys get split up while the chief talks to each one separately. I tell the chief to go for it with however he wants to put the fear of gawd into Micah.
Once all is said and done, and the fire chief and Omar have left, Micah says, "C'mon Mom. We'll take care of this another day. Let's not tell Dad, OK?"
I'm thinking, "This kid is too much!"
Well, at supper that evening I keep giving Micah the eye...and Bill notices...and he starts giving Micah the eye. Finally Micah can't take it any longer and says, "Dad, we need to talk. In private."
I don't know what they talked about...neither would tell me.
I do know that Micah is still a firebug...and boy do I have stories!!!!
Sheesh!
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Belle
Okay, I can share a TON of funny real life police stories.
First one - my ex and I are driving down the road and I'm telling him that I can tell that's his passion and that if that's what he wants to do with his life, then we need to figure out how to get him back into law enforcement.
THEN, I make a joke about cops & donuts...I get reamed totally - NOBODY ESPECIALLY not my wife!!!!
We then drive by the Dunkin Donuts.....FIVE COP CARS PARKED IN FRONT.....
I didn't say a word....just giggled silently.....
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Suda
You may have heard these before, but they will always make you
Why We Love Children
1. A kindergarten pupil told his teacher he'd found a cat, but it was dead.
"How do you know that the cat was dead?" she asked her pupil.
"Because I p1ssed in its ear and it didn't move," answered the child innocently.
You did WHAT ???" the teacher exclaimed in surprise.
"You know,"explained the boy, "I leaned over and went 'Pssst!' and it didn't move."
2. A small boy is sent to bed by his father.
Five minutes later...."Da-ad...."
"What?"
"I'm thirsty. Can you bring drink of water?"
"No, You had your chance. Lights out."
Five minutes later: "Da-aaaad....."
"WHAT?"
"I'm THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water??"
I told you NO! If you ask again, I'll have to spank you!!"
Five minutes later......"Daaaa-aaaad....."
"WHAT!"
"When you come in to spank me, can you bring a drink of water?"
3. An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief, finally asked him "How do you expect to get into Heaven?"
The boy thought it over and said, "Well, I'll run in and out and in and out and keep slamming the door
until St. Peter says, 'For Heaven's sake, Dylan, come in or stay out!'"
4. One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking her son into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his voice, "Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?"
The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug. "I can't dear," she said. "I have to sleep in Daddy's room."
A long silence was broken at last by his shaky little voice: "The big sissy."
5. It was that time, during the Sunday morning service, for the children's sermon. All the children were invited to come forward.
One little girl was wearing a particularly pretty dress and, as she sat down, the pastor leaned over and said, "That is a very pretty dress. Is it your Easter Dress?"
The little girl replied, directly into the pastor's clip-on microphone, "Yes, and my Mom says it's a b1tch to iron."
6 When I was six months pregnant with my third child, my three year old came into the room when I was just getting ready to get into the shower. She said, "Mommy, you are getting fat!"
I replied, "Yes, honey, remember Mommy has a baby growing in her tummy."
"I know," she replied, but what's growing in your butt?"
7 A little boy was doing his math homework. He said to himself,
"Two plus five, the son of a bitch is seven.
Three plus six, the son of a bitch is nine..."
His mother heard what he was saying and gasped, "What are you doing?"
The little boy answered, "I'm doing my math homework, Mom."
"And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?" the mother asked.
"Yes," he answered.
Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher the next day, "What are you teaching my son in math?"
The teacher replied, "Right now, we are learning addition."
The mother asked, "And are you teaching them to say two plus two, the son of a bitch is four?"
After the teacher stopped laughing, she answered, "What I taught them was,
two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is four."
8. One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken Little to her class. She came to the part of the story where Chicken Little tried to warn the farmer.
She read, ".... and so Chicken Little went up to the farmer and said, "The sky is falling, the sky is falling!"
The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do you think that farmer said?"
One little girl raised her hand and said, "I think he said: 'Holy Sh1t! A talking chicken!'"
The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.
9. A certain little girl, when asked her name, would reply, "I'm Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter."
Her mother told her this was wrong, she must say, "I'm Jane Sugarbrown."
The Vicar spoke to her in Sunday School, and said, "Aren't you Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter?"
She replied, "I thought I was, but mother says I'm not."
10 A little girl asked her mother, "Can I go outside and play with the boys?"
Her mother replied, "No, you can't play with the boys, they're too rough."
The little girl thought about it for a few moments and asked, "If I can find a smooth one, can I play with him?"
11. A little girl goes to the barber shop with her father.
She stands next to the barber chair, while her dad gets his hair cut, eating a snack cake ... The barber says to her, "Sweetheart, you're gonna get hair on your Twinkie."
She says, "Yes, I know, and I'm gonna get boobs too."
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topoftheworld
Those were great! More, more!
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