If a couple goes into the relationship...or decides at any point in the relationship...that the 'rules' make extra-relationship sex/affairs OK, then it isn't cheating. This is if the couple decides together, imo.
I've heard ALL the lines about all the kings in the bible having X number of wives, or that twisted logic about 'all things are lawful', or the myriad of validations a person can pull from the bible to give themselves permission to screw around.
It's pure BS.
It's designed to belittle, demean, confuse, discourage and disorient a person who has been through hell already.
Using the bible to defend one when one is abusing another is just another form of abusiveness.
If a person is not getting what a person wants from his/her partner, and a person 'finds' him/herself screwing around, then that person needs to get the hell out of the first relationship or stop screwing around.
If there are health issues (and a low sex drive is due to health issues...either physical or mental), then the partner needs to help resolve the health issues...or decide immediately if he/she can live for the rest of their partner's life in such a situation.
If a person does not want to be...or does not think he/she can be...in a monogamous relationship, then that person needs to get real and not get into relationships with people who expect monogamy.
If it's something a person discovers about him/herself later on...then he/she needs to get out of any monogamous relationship immediately.
Cheating is only a problem when it was not expected. IMO.
If a couple goes into the relationship...or decides at any point in the relationship...that the 'rules' make extra-relationship sex/affairs OK, then it isn't cheating. This is if the couple decides together, imo.............Cheating is only a problem when it was not expected. IMO
Aw, to have your ability to express myself. Thank you.
I think women cheat primarily for emotional fulfillment.
I have no respect for anyone that cheats on their spouse. I don't care who they are, what they have accomplished, or what their situation is. John F. Kennedy and Martin Luther King are two that come to mind in this respect.
If I was married and my spuse cheated on me that would be it. I could never forgive them.
In the world of men when a married woman cheats on her husband ( has sex with another man) it causes the most egregious and painful hurt that one could ever imagine. While I think women can empathize with this I don't think they can understand the depth of the pain or hurt this causes the man.
"But Abijah waxed mighty, and married fourteen wives, and begat twenty and two sons, and sixteen daughters." 2 Chronicles 13:21
Abraham; Faithful friend of God and father of the Hebrew nation had 3 Wives - Sarah, Hagar and Keturah
"Now Sarai Abram's wife bare him no children: and she had an handmaid, an Egyptian, whose name was Hagar." Genesis 16:1
"And Sarai Abram's wife took Hagar her maid the Egyptian, after Abram had dwelt ten years in the land of Canaan, and gave her to her husband Abram to be his wife." Genesis 16:3
"Then again Abraham took a wife, and her name was Keturah." Genesis 25:1
Ahab; A king of Israel
"Thy silver and thy gold is mine; thy wives also and thy children, even the goodliest, are mine." 1 Kings 20:3
Ashur; 2 Wives, Helah and Naarah
"And Ashur the father of Tekoa had two wives, Helah and Naarah." 1 Chronicles 4:5
Caleb; had 5 Wives - Azubah, Jerioth, Ephrath, Ephah and Maachah
"And Caleb the son of Hezron begat children of Azubah his wife, and of Jerioth: her sons are these; Jesher, and Shobab, and Ardon. And when Azubah was dead, Caleb took unto him Ephrath, which bare him Hur." 1 Chronicles 2:18-19
At least 18 wives - Michal, Abigail, Ahinoam of Jezreel, Eglah, Maacah, Abital, Haggith, and Bathsheba, and "10 women/concubines"
"Wherefore David arose and went, he and his men, and slew of the Philistines two hundred men; and David brought their foreskins, and they gave them in full tale to the king, that he might be the king's son in law. And Saul gave him Michal his daughter to wife." 1 Samuel 18:27. (See also 1 Samuel 19:11-18; 25:44; and 2 Samuel 3:13-14; 6:20-23.)
"David sent and communed with Abigail, to take her to him to wife. 1 Samuel 25:39
"David also took Ahinoam of Jezreel; and they were also both of them his wives." 1 Samuel 25:43
"But Saul had given Michal his daughter, David's wife," 1 Samuel 25:44
"Absalom the son of Maacah the daughter of Talmai king of Geshur;" 2 Samuel 3:3
"And the fourth, Adonijah the son of Haggith; and the fifth, Shephatiah the son of Abital; And the sixth, Ithream, by Eglah David's wife. These were born to David in Hebron." 2 Samuel 3:4-5
"And David took him more concubines and wives" 2 Samuel 5:13, 1 Chronicles 14:3
"And Nathan said to David, Thou art the man. Thus saith the LORD God of Israel, I anointed thee king over Israel, and I delivered thee out of the hand of Saul; And I gave thee thy master's house, and thy master's wives into thy bosom, and gave thee the house of Israel and of Judah; and if that had been too little, I would moreover have given unto thee such and such things." 2 Samuel 12:7-8
"And David comforted Bathsheba his wife..." 2 Samuel 12:24
"And the king went forth, and all his household after him. And the king left ten women, which were concubines, to keep the house." 2 Samuel 15:16. (See also 2 Samuel 16:21-23.)
Eliphaz; had 2 Wives, Timna
"And the sons of Eliphaz were Teman, Omar, Zepho, and Gatam, and Kenaz. And Timna was concubine to Eliphaz " Genesis 36:11-12
Elkanah had 2 Wives, Hannah and Peninnah
"And he had two wives; the name of the one was Hannah, and the name of the other Peninnah" 1 Samuel 1:2
Esau had 3 Wives - Judith, Bashemath and Mahalath
"And Esau was forty years old when he took to wife Judith the daughter of Beeri the Hittite, and Bashemath the daughter of Elon the Hittite:" Genesis 26:34
"Then went Esau unto Ishmael, and took unto the wives which he had Mahalath the daughter of Ishmael Abraham's son, the sister of Nebajoth, to be his wife." Genesis 28:9
Ezra had 2 Wives, Jehudijah
"And the sons of Ezra were, Jether, and Mered, and Epher, and Jalon: and she bare Miriam, and Shammai, and Ishbah the father of Eshtemoa. And his wife Jehudijah bare Jered the father of Gedor, and Heber the father of Socho, and Jekuthiel the father of Zanoah. And these are the sons of Bithiah the daughter of Pharaoh, which Mered took." 1 Chronicles 4:17-18
Gideon: A judge of Israel, had many wives
Drumah, Shechem
"And Gideon had threescore and ten sons of his body begotten: for he had many wives." Judges 8:30
Hosea; By implication... had 2 Wives, Gomer
"So he went and took Gomer the daughter of Diblaim; whichconceived, and bare him a son." Hosea 1:3
"Then said the LORD unto me, Go yet, love a woman beloved of her friend, yet an adulteress, according to the love of the LORD toward the children of Israel, who look to other gods, and love flagons of wine." Hosea 3:1
Issachar's tribe
"And with them, by their generations, after the house of their fathers, were bands of soldiers for war, six and thirty thousand men: for they had many wives and sons." 1 Chronicles 7:4
"Those that were numbered of them, even of the tribe of Issachar, were fifty and four thousand and four hundred." Numbers 1:29
Jacob (Israel): Father of the twelve patriarchs of the tribes of Israel, had 4 Wives - Leah, Rachel, Bilhah and Zilpah
"And it came to pass in the evening, that he took Leah his daughter, and brought her to him; and he went in unto her." Genesis 29:23
"And Jacob did so, and fulfilled her week: and he gave him Rachel his daughter to wife also." Genesis 29:28
"And she gave him Bilhah her handmaid to wife: and Jacob went in unto her." Genesis 30:4
"When Leah saw that she had left bearing, she took Zilpah her maid, and gave her Jacob to wife." Genesis 30:9
Jehoiachin; A king of Judah
"And he carried away Jehoiachin to Babylon, and the king's mother, and the king's wives, and his officers, and the mighty of the land, those carried he into captivity from Jerusalem to Babylon." 2 Kings 24:15
Jerahmeel had 2 Wives, Atarah
"Jerahmeel had also another wife, whose name was Atarah; she was the mother of Onam." 1 Chronicles 2:26
Joash; 2 Wives
"And Jehoiada took for him two wives; and he begat sons and daughters." 2 Chronicles 24:3
Lamech had 2 Wives, Adah and Zillah
"And Lamech took unto him two wives: the name of the one was Adah, and the name of the other Zillah." Genesis 4:19
Machir had 2 Wives, Maachah and Zelophehad
"And Machir took to wife the sister of Huppim and Shuppim, whose sister's name was Maachah;) and the name of the second was Zelophehad: and Zelophehad had daughters. And Maachah the wife of Machir bare a son, and she called his name Peresh; and the name of his brother was Sheresh; and his sons were Ulam and Rakem." 1 Chronicles 7:15-16
Manasseh had 2 Wives, The Aramitess
"The sons of Manasseh; Ashriel, whom she bare: (but his concubine the Aramitess bare Machir the father of Gilead:" 1 Chronicles 7:14
Mered had 4 Wives - Jehudijah, Bithiah and Hodiah
"and she bare Miriam, and Shammai, and Ishbah the father of Eshtemoa. And his wife Jehudijah bare .. sons of Bithiah the daughter of Pharaoh, which Mered took. And the sons of his wife Hodiah the sister of Naham," 1 Chronicles 4:17-19
Moses [ Penned the Pentateuch, Torah, Genesis through Deuteronomy (which includes authoring the passages of Genesis chapters 2 through 3, Genesis 2:24, Exodus 21:10, Deuteronomy 21:15, etc.). ] had
2 Wives, Zipporah and the Ethiopian Woman
"And Moses was content to dwell with the man: and he gave Moses Zipporah his daughter." Exodus 2:21. (See also Exodus 18:1-6.)
"And Miriam and Aaron spake against Moses because of the Ethiopian woman whom he had married: for he had married an Ethiopian woman." Numbers 12:1
Nahor had 2 Wives, Milcah and Reumah
"And it came to pass after these things, that it was told Abraham, saying, Behold, Milcah, she hath also born children unto thy brother Nahor? these eight Milcah did bear to Nahor, Abraham's brother. And his concubine, whose name was Reumah, she bare also Tebah, and Gaham, and Thahash, and Maachah." Genesis 22:20-24
Rehoboam had 78 Wives - Mahalath, Abihail and Maachah
"And Rehoboam took him Mahalath the daughter of Jerimoth and Abihail the daughter of Eliab, he took Maachah the daughter of Absalom; And Rehoboam loved Maachah the daughter of Absalom above all his wives and his concubines: (for he took eighteen wives, and threescore concubines; and begat twenty and eight sons, and threescore daughters.) And he desired many wives." 2 Chronicles 11:18-23
Saul had 2 wives, Ahinoam and Rizpah
"And the name of Saul's wife was Ahinoam, the daughter of Ahimaaz: and the name of the captain of his host was Abner, the son of Ner, Saul's uncle." 1 Samuel 14:50
"And Saul had a concubine, whose name was Rizpah, the daughter of Aiah: and Ishbosheth said to Abner, Wherefore hast thou gone in unto my father's concubine?" 2 Samuel 3:7
Shaharaim had 2 Wives, Hushim and Baara
"And Shaharaim begat children in the country of Moab, after he had sent them away; Hushim and Baara were his wives." 1 Chronicles 8:8
Simeon had 2 Wives, Canaanitish Woman
"And the sons of Simeon; Jemuel, and Jamin, and Ohad, and Jachin, and Zohar, and Shaul the son of a Canaanitish woman." Genesis 46:10, Exodus 6:15
Solomon had 1,000 wives - Sidontans, Tyrians, Ammonites and Edomites
"And he had seven hundred wives, princesses, and three hundred concubines: and his wives turned away his heart." 1 Kings 11:3
Zedekiah
"So they shall bring out all thy wives and thy children to the Chaldeans: and thou shalt not escape out of their hand, but shalt be taken by the hand of the king of Babylon: and thou shalt cause this city to be burned with fire." Jeremiah 38:23
Exegesis of "One Wife"
Titus 1:6 and 1_Timothy 3:2,12 --- "One wife" --- mia is the Greek word from which the word, one, was translated in those passages. Yet, it can also be translated as first, just as it is, for example, so translated in the phrases, "first day of the week" in Matthew 28:1, Mark 16:1-2, and Acts 20:7.
Furthermore, in 1_Timothy 5:9, a widow's "one man" is not mia but the Greek word "heis", meaning the numeral-one, and not meaning the adjective of "first".
There is so much more to this particular matter here than that which this "sound-bite" here can address. The organization of TruthBearer.org provides a number of detailed articles on this issue, a couple of which include Breaking Past the ONE WIFE Barrier and The Elders, Bishops, and Deacons Trap (Ch.9 of "The Truth and the Paradox").
The fact is, no one can INSIST that these three "one wife" verses can NOT be instead translated as "first wife", which makes more sense to translate those verses as "first wife" anyway.
Exegesis of "Wife of thy Youth"
Malachi 2:14-15 --- "wife of thy youth" is a man's first wife, the wife with whom he grew and learned how to so love, bless, and edify any wife.
Exegesis of "If He Take Another Wife"
"If he take him another wife; her food, her raiment, and her duty of marriage, shall he not diminish." Exodus 21:10.
Exodus 21:10 protects the first (and previous) wife(s). Note that this verse comes only 22 verses AFTER the 7th Commandment ("Thou shalt not commit adultery") in Exodus 20:14.
Exegesis of "If a Man Have 2 Wives"
"If a man have two wives..." Deuteronomy 21:15a.
The passage of Deuteronomy 21:15-17 is a specific instruction in the Law Itself to any man with "two wives". If polygamy was a sin, then it would not be possible for a "man to have two wives" in the Law.
"If a man have two wives, one beloved, and another hated, and they have born him children, both the beloved and the hated; and if the firstborn son be hers that was hated: Then it shall be, when he maketh his sons to inherit that which he hath, that he may not make the son of the beloved firstborn before the son of the hated, which is indeed the firstborn: But he shall acknowledge the son of the hated for the firstborn, by giving him a double portion of all that he hath: for he is the beginning of his strength; the right of the firstborn is his." Deuteronomy 21:15-17.
As for lot's sons, keep in mind that both tribes did not turn 'evil' for fourteen generations.
I have a real problem with the idea that a woman needs to keep up appearance and be sexy to keep her man....
See what happens when the fellow keeps his wife continuously preggers for years....it begins to take it`s toll... nurturing the kiddoes, keeping the house up to snuff...laundry...dinner on the table on time when he walks through the door...etc.
Enter a single gal who has no children to get off to school in the morning so she has the luxury of an hour to herself to apply makeup and fix hair... she has no children to provide for so she has money for manicures and the newest fashions.....she has no worries of preparing dinner for a family and dishes afterwards....so has plenty of time to be *fun* in the evenings....her body has not been stretched out of shape in baring his children....she has not been up all night agonizing over a sick child so she has plenty of energy and enthiasm for *fun*
No doubt about it she IS more fun....so the husband leaves his wife who has somehow become boring and his children selfish enough to want a little time with Daddy in the evenings.
This happened with my father....he left his wife and four young children because his sexy girlfriend was more fun...and HE needed to do what he needed to to make himself happy....and he did...
They had a great life together traveling the world....
To bad so sad about his children left devistated forced to grow up without the protection or nurture of a loving father....and a mother whom was so broken and bitter about being left holding the bag raising HIS children....while he left for his exciting adventure...that it was years before she could come out her fog and raise them.
To bad though she tried desperatly Mom just couldn`t compete with *fun* girl .... but the playing field was unfair...the handicap being placed on her by the very man who then found her lacking.
My sisters husband did the same damned thing when she became overwhelmed with the responsibility of raising their children and working full time because he couldn`t keep a job....
Damn it....sometimes guys need to grow the he ll up and take care of business rather than figuring spouse *owes* them *fun* and sexy bodies and a 24 hr a day sparkly scintillating interaction.
Please consider that we are raising your kids, they are sapping OUR youth OUR vitality OUR resources and time ...how about pitching in ..putting your shoulder to the wheel and participating in the responsibility of raising YOUR children instead of sulking about how we need to make ourselves and be sexier for you .
I PROMISE you that it will be a more fullfilling and meaningfull life than with *fun* girl...<_<
Geeze I want to shout to ...PLEASE just grow UP and start pulling your share of the load instead of being part of the burden placed on your spouses shoulders....
I see alot of marriages like that , boring same old same old, responsibilities, kids, money all the trapping domestic life offers.
many people when they sign up may be shocked on how it really is. and then it is like a trap.
and they decide it really may not be worth the hassles, and they get lonely, really lonely for good times for the time love was just love.. or just good sex.
but many try to keep their commintments to all the family life offers, but when do you get a chance to be happy? so you cheat for a chance to be happy to find peace to be able to just be without the hassle of all the work and responsibility a family requires.
in twenty years when all the kids are gone and you look at your spouse and say whew we made it?
and find out you do not even know who they are anymore.
I see few marriages in which the spouses grow and be and are truly happy with each other as time goes on.
like any contract it seems to be what needs to be done mostly... and life is only so long .
I like the ones who are healthy but I see so few.
but they do not want to hurt anyone, and they are good and trying to do the right thing.. life is what you make it and all. everyone deserves to happy once in a while without the stress of what it turned out to be. who knew?
God knows no one wants an ugly divorce when maybe you can fill in the gap with someone eles .
till it gets better. maybe some day.
happens all the time.
I understand why married people cheat, what I do not understand is why single people get involved for years and waste their life away thinking it will be more than what it is.
it is easy to say "just leave" : but not when you have a two income lifestyle and you both love your children and you know it isnt abusive just stale and boring and everyday easy familiar, so no one metions the slip, because life is to busy with the responsibilities that are in front of you.
I think sometimes when people cheat it isnt because the stopped loving the spouse , it is just depression or boredom or just lackof living etc... they do not want to hurt what they have made together.
I also do not think it is fair to turn into a fat lazy slob after a few years of marriage.
A huge part of loving anyone is loving yourself and a person who is incapable of taking care of their own needs , is selfish thinking the partner should pick up the slack.
it is a marriage and as much as life throws at families today that we cant control , being happy , staying healthy, and maintianing a self that is worth giving to someone in marriage is primary in making it a good thing.
pond...I take your comments with the knowledge that you are not married, choose not to be married, and have not been married for more years than you were ever married (if ever...i dunno for sure).
Thanks CW, I don`t mean to sound like I am whining I know that many others have had it a whole hell of a lot tougher.....
It just angers me that I would be expected at 44 to compete in a beauty/personality contest with some shallow little strumpet that has nothing better to do than fix herself up to entertain a man.
Face it at my age....dress me up..... take me to the hair dresser ...get a body wax....spend a fortune on plastic surgery....n dammit I am still a 44 yr old woman who has carried 7 children... trying to compete with a 20 yr old.
I guess that these are GOOD reasons to grow the he ll up first before folks get married. Or decide to shorty afterwards....
It simply isn`t ABOUT you two and what you want/like any more after the children come....the priorities must change....it is about binding together to get a sometimes messy ...mostly wonderfull ...very rewarding endeavor of raising children into productive healthy adults.
That is what people of character and principle do...They stick to the commitment made ...EVEN when it isn`t fun...
The rewards will come at a futire date and they are far greater than when we indulge in our own selfish whims....without consideration to the impact on those whom you have pledged to cherish and protect..
Having been the faithful fool that was cheated on, I have to say that there is a personality trait common to all cheaters, male or female. They are the flawed selfish ones that refuse to grow up and deal with the reality their misery is as much their fault as it is their spouses. They lack the basic human decency to be considerate of others while they find their cheap sexual thrills where they shouldn't. Men and women deserve a partner that will cheat on them when they cheat on their spouse.
Agreed dear ((((wing nut)))) I didn`t mean to pick on the guys....
They work their tails off to support their family and then the wives feel neglected and find THEIR entertainment elsewhere......
It is all about selfishness and immaturity...and then attempting to shed the shame and guilt by blaming the non cheating spouse.... *well YOU made me do it* <_<
It is a life time commintment to one another, a partnership to share each others life.
suppose to be a good thing.
not a ball and chain.
of responsibilities and commintments hello recognize them , and still be in love.
if a 20 year old threatens your marriage.. something is wrong with your marriage.
a good marriage wouldnt consider a 20 year a threat, a marriage that has different priorities other than the two becoming one which I would say implies happiness for both, is fried.
children are a part of life. I do not like people who use children as an excuse for being miserable.
I do see it , and I think the children suffer the most in those types of arrangements cause kids are smart and they feel what is going on and if the parents are not happy the whole family suffers horribly.
staying together for the kids is not a marriage it is a contract like a business deal, no wonder some would cheat .
others would be content to stay and be unhappy and wait for the day to either get out or to make the other as miserable as they are in life.
it is co-depency .. marriage is about having the priority of one anothering which means taking care of one another and a person incapable of taking care of their own self is a dependent not a partner.
I do see alot of parent child relatinships that people call marriages, and in those types of marriages the cheaters are looking for a lve a adult a relationship built on what marriage is created for to help ne another in life.
but they have that contract and many are afraid to break a deal ,no matter how much they are paying for it.
so when you get married it is no longer acceptable to be a self?
to share who you are to grow and become to reach for your dreams?
together it cant be done?
i do believe the self sacrafice come with a price.
it always does.
whether it be abuse, bitterness or cheating , a person who can not see the fact they need to be responsible for their own helath , idenity , finance , and happiness is nothing more than a darn parasite after awhile.
it is draining and unfair and why so many many marriages fail.
lose your dreams in life sacrafice all for another and what do you have to give anyone? nothing.
nothing but taking is left then and that is what I would define as the most selfish position in life.
It is all about growing up and accepting responsibilty for the greater good of the family....to do so and sulk because it isn`t fun is immature and simply another excuse for cheating imo.
A person of character sucks it up and gets the job done even when it stops being fun. Anything else is nothing more than an excuse to cheat.
If you aren`t willing to grow up...then get the he ll out before you destroy those whom you have pledged to cherish and protect.
Maybe the person who cheats does not know how to find a way out of their miserable marriage. It is also possible that because of the knowledge that it is next to impossible to run two households after a divorce, they keep the union together. It is easy to be on the outside looking in, but if you were ever in a bad marriage with no apparent way out, you may try anything to get your partner to break it up.
your so right sweet pea.. an affair may be a scream for help.
I have seen marriages recover after somone has had an affair.
it is a wake up call for sure.
maybe a person just wants attention and does the behaviour to try to get the other to notice.
life is so full of responsibilities and work to be done, funny how none of that stuff is in the "vow" made on the special day of your wedding.
I think married people forget that. And the fact is people get married for love, not to be hassled by just one more , if you can not have fun with the one you married who do you have fun with?
I understand where you are coming from. I had to leave an abusive marriage and I left with NOTHING.
I left my house, I left a lot behind and I was never able to make it up. I am better off having left as I so believe he was becoming more and more dangerous and would have killed me.
I do know NOW I am older. There are times I am so lonely I could cry. There are times I wish I would get hugged or snuck up on and kissed on the neck. I miss those sweet things that made days special and help to bind hearts.
Then came illnesses, unbelievable bills to pay, job loss and it was all we could do to swim. Working and looking for ways to pay endless hospital bills was like trying to survive the sinking of the Titanic.
He was sick and I selfishly and deep down was angry that he was sick. I know it was wrong but I really had this subconcious thing going on.
We came through it all. Still not back to where we were, it did effect us. Things are not the same. I would like to say we grew together and are stronger, but like a couple who looses a child usually do not make it from all the guilt and blame, we fell to all of those things.
HE felt guilty because he was sick and resented the fact that I was healthy in away. Felt as though I could not understand how this illness ruined him and his dreams. We got to be miles apart.
But one thing I do know, to lie in the arms of another is not the answer. I think my husband knows it as well. Recently, we began to pray to see each others hearts again, to see past the storms and the fights about money and to find each other again.
I have learned after being divorced and remarried happiness is not about the choices we made in a spouse-- as everyone has problems, its how we handle those short comings and storms.
We did not handle them well, we barley survived, but we survived this storm.
I keep thinking are there happy people out there?
But it has got to be deeper than looks, all though looking good is nice, it has to be an internal connection that you do not want to end no matter what. And sometimes the "no matter what" can be long and miserable. IT is then I think divorce maybe considered. But you are right, it is hard to maintain the lifestyle with the dividing of the paychecks.
So, you feel stuck. I found a million reasons to blame my husband for my plight. Then, I decided to look at what made me LIKE him to begin with, before the bills, the sicknesses and job loss. There was a good hearted man that really got hit with the "worse" of the for better or worse in the vows.
I wonder sometimes if we had the "better" if we'd be together or if then the 20 year olds would have come out of the woodwork if we were very wealthy.
I dunno, it is always something trying to make you blame or hate the spouse, be it the 20 pounds they gained or the hair loss. But there has to be something bigger something deeper to keep you together. Cheating seems like such an easy way to "feel good" for 5 minutes but causes endless pain. Like suicide, you get rid of the pain but your suicide creates PROBLEMS for other people.
I suppose a person cheats when they do not know how to reach their spouse anymore and they stop trying. I dunno. I just do not think it is an answer or a cure to ones life. IT seems to make things worse.
So, why do it? Unless you and the spouse agree to stay together for the house and allow yourselves to date others. Then it is not cheating, sneaky or a lie, but an agreement.
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CoolWaters
Cheating implies 'outside of the rules'.
If a couple goes into the relationship...or decides at any point in the relationship...that the 'rules' make extra-relationship sex/affairs OK, then it isn't cheating. This is if the couple decides together, imo.
I've heard ALL the lines about all the kings in the bible having X number of wives, or that twisted logic about 'all things are lawful', or the myriad of validations a person can pull from the bible to give themselves permission to screw around.
It's pure BS.
It's designed to belittle, demean, confuse, discourage and disorient a person who has been through hell already.
Using the bible to defend one when one is abusing another is just another form of abusiveness.
If a person is not getting what a person wants from his/her partner, and a person 'finds' him/herself screwing around, then that person needs to get the hell out of the first relationship or stop screwing around.
If there are health issues (and a low sex drive is due to health issues...either physical or mental), then the partner needs to help resolve the health issues...or decide immediately if he/she can live for the rest of their partner's life in such a situation.
If a person does not want to be...or does not think he/she can be...in a monogamous relationship, then that person needs to get real and not get into relationships with people who expect monogamy.
If it's something a person discovers about him/herself later on...then he/she needs to get out of any monogamous relationship immediately.
Cheating is only a problem when it was not expected. IMO.
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Stayed Too Long
Aw, to have your ability to express myself. Thank you.
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1searcher
I think men cheat primarily for sex.
I think women cheat primarily for emotional fulfillment.
I have no respect for anyone that cheats on their spouse. I don't care who they are, what they have accomplished, or what their situation is. John F. Kennedy and Martin Luther King are two that come to mind in this respect.
If I was married and my spuse cheated on me that would be it. I could never forgive them.
In the world of men when a married woman cheats on her husband ( has sex with another man) it causes the most egregious and painful hurt that one could ever imagine. While I think women can empathize with this I don't think they can understand the depth of the pain or hurt this causes the man.
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Galen
Abijah; A king of Judah had 14 Wives
"But Abijah waxed mighty, and married fourteen wives, and begat twenty and two sons, and sixteen daughters." 2 Chronicles 13:21
Abraham; Faithful friend of God and father of the Hebrew nation had 3 Wives - Sarah, Hagar and Keturah
"Now Sarai Abram's wife bare him no children: and she had an handmaid, an Egyptian, whose name was Hagar." Genesis 16:1
"And Sarai Abram's wife took Hagar her maid the Egyptian, after Abram had dwelt ten years in the land of Canaan, and gave her to her husband Abram to be his wife." Genesis 16:3
"Then again Abraham took a wife, and her name was Keturah." Genesis 25:1
Ahab; A king of Israel
"Thy silver and thy gold is mine; thy wives also and thy children, even the goodliest, are mine." 1 Kings 20:3
Ashur; 2 Wives, Helah and Naarah
"And Ashur the father of Tekoa had two wives, Helah and Naarah." 1 Chronicles 4:5
Caleb; had 5 Wives - Azubah, Jerioth, Ephrath, Ephah and Maachah
"And Caleb the son of Hezron begat children of Azubah his wife, and of Jerioth: her sons are these; Jesher, and Shobab, and Ardon. And when Azubah was dead, Caleb took unto him Ephrath, which bare him Hur." 1 Chronicles 2:18-19
"And Ephah, Caleb's concubine, " 1 Chronicles 2:46
"Maachah, Caleb's concubine, " 1 Chronicles 2:48
David; A king of Israel "After God's own heart"
At least 18 wives - Michal, Abigail, Ahinoam of Jezreel, Eglah, Maacah, Abital, Haggith, and Bathsheba, and "10 women/concubines"
"Wherefore David arose and went, he and his men, and slew of the Philistines two hundred men; and David brought their foreskins, and they gave them in full tale to the king, that he might be the king's son in law. And Saul gave him Michal his daughter to wife." 1 Samuel 18:27. (See also 1 Samuel 19:11-18; 25:44; and 2 Samuel 3:13-14; 6:20-23.)
"David sent and communed with Abigail, to take her to him to wife. 1 Samuel 25:39
"David also took Ahinoam of Jezreel; and they were also both of them his wives." 1 Samuel 25:43
"But Saul had given Michal his daughter, David's wife," 1 Samuel 25:44
"Absalom the son of Maacah the daughter of Talmai king of Geshur;" 2 Samuel 3:3
"And the fourth, Adonijah the son of Haggith; and the fifth, Shephatiah the son of Abital; And the sixth, Ithream, by Eglah David's wife. These were born to David in Hebron." 2 Samuel 3:4-5
"And David took him more concubines and wives" 2 Samuel 5:13, 1 Chronicles 14:3
"And Nathan said to David, Thou art the man. Thus saith the LORD God of Israel, I anointed thee king over Israel, and I delivered thee out of the hand of Saul; And I gave thee thy master's house, and thy master's wives into thy bosom, and gave thee the house of Israel and of Judah; and if that had been too little, I would moreover have given unto thee such and such things." 2 Samuel 12:7-8
"And David comforted Bathsheba his wife..." 2 Samuel 12:24
"And the king went forth, and all his household after him. And the king left ten women, which were concubines, to keep the house." 2 Samuel 15:16. (See also 2 Samuel 16:21-23.)
Eliphaz; had 2 Wives, Timna
"And the sons of Eliphaz were Teman, Omar, Zepho, and Gatam, and Kenaz. And Timna was concubine to Eliphaz " Genesis 36:11-12
Elkanah had 2 Wives, Hannah and Peninnah
"And he had two wives; the name of the one was Hannah, and the name of the other Peninnah" 1 Samuel 1:2
Esau had 3 Wives - Judith, Bashemath and Mahalath
"And Esau was forty years old when he took to wife Judith the daughter of Beeri the Hittite, and Bashemath the daughter of Elon the Hittite:" Genesis 26:34
"Then went Esau unto Ishmael, and took unto the wives which he had Mahalath the daughter of Ishmael Abraham's son, the sister of Nebajoth, to be his wife." Genesis 28:9
Ezra had 2 Wives, Jehudijah
"And the sons of Ezra were, Jether, and Mered, and Epher, and Jalon: and she bare Miriam, and Shammai, and Ishbah the father of Eshtemoa. And his wife Jehudijah bare Jered the father of Gedor, and Heber the father of Socho, and Jekuthiel the father of Zanoah. And these are the sons of Bithiah the daughter of Pharaoh, which Mered took." 1 Chronicles 4:17-18
Gideon: A judge of Israel, had many wives
Drumah, Shechem
"And Gideon had threescore and ten sons of his body begotten: for he had many wives." Judges 8:30
Hosea; By implication... had 2 Wives, Gomer
"So he went and took Gomer the daughter of Diblaim; whichconceived, and bare him a son." Hosea 1:3
"Then said the LORD unto me, Go yet, love a woman beloved of her friend, yet an adulteress, according to the love of the LORD toward the children of Israel, who look to other gods, and love flagons of wine." Hosea 3:1
Issachar's tribe
"And with them, by their generations, after the house of their fathers, were bands of soldiers for war, six and thirty thousand men: for they had many wives and sons." 1 Chronicles 7:4
"Those that were numbered of them, even of the tribe of Issachar, were fifty and four thousand and four hundred." Numbers 1:29
Jacob (Israel): Father of the twelve patriarchs of the tribes of Israel, had 4 Wives - Leah, Rachel, Bilhah and Zilpah
"And it came to pass in the evening, that he took Leah his daughter, and brought her to him; and he went in unto her." Genesis 29:23
"And Jacob did so, and fulfilled her week: and he gave him Rachel his daughter to wife also." Genesis 29:28
"And she gave him Bilhah her handmaid to wife: and Jacob went in unto her." Genesis 30:4
"When Leah saw that she had left bearing, she took Zilpah her maid, and gave her Jacob to wife." Genesis 30:9
Jehoiachin; A king of Judah
"And he carried away Jehoiachin to Babylon, and the king's mother, and the king's wives, and his officers, and the mighty of the land, those carried he into captivity from Jerusalem to Babylon." 2 Kings 24:15
Jerahmeel had 2 Wives, Atarah
"Jerahmeel had also another wife, whose name was Atarah; she was the mother of Onam." 1 Chronicles 2:26
Joash; 2 Wives
"And Jehoiada took for him two wives; and he begat sons and daughters." 2 Chronicles 24:3
Lamech had 2 Wives, Adah and Zillah
"And Lamech took unto him two wives: the name of the one was Adah, and the name of the other Zillah." Genesis 4:19
Machir had 2 Wives, Maachah and Zelophehad
"And Machir took to wife the sister of Huppim and Shuppim, whose sister's name was Maachah;) and the name of the second was Zelophehad: and Zelophehad had daughters. And Maachah the wife of Machir bare a son, and she called his name Peresh; and the name of his brother was Sheresh; and his sons were Ulam and Rakem." 1 Chronicles 7:15-16
Manasseh had 2 Wives, The Aramitess
"The sons of Manasseh; Ashriel, whom she bare: (but his concubine the Aramitess bare Machir the father of Gilead:" 1 Chronicles 7:14
Mered had 4 Wives - Jehudijah, Bithiah and Hodiah
"and she bare Miriam, and Shammai, and Ishbah the father of Eshtemoa. And his wife Jehudijah bare .. sons of Bithiah the daughter of Pharaoh, which Mered took. And the sons of his wife Hodiah the sister of Naham," 1 Chronicles 4:17-19
Moses [ Penned the Pentateuch, Torah, Genesis through Deuteronomy (which includes authoring the passages of Genesis chapters 2 through 3, Genesis 2:24, Exodus 21:10, Deuteronomy 21:15, etc.). ] had
2 Wives, Zipporah and the Ethiopian Woman
"And Moses was content to dwell with the man: and he gave Moses Zipporah his daughter." Exodus 2:21. (See also Exodus 18:1-6.)
"And Miriam and Aaron spake against Moses because of the Ethiopian woman whom he had married: for he had married an Ethiopian woman." Numbers 12:1
Nahor had 2 Wives, Milcah and Reumah
"And it came to pass after these things, that it was told Abraham, saying, Behold, Milcah, she hath also born children unto thy brother Nahor? these eight Milcah did bear to Nahor, Abraham's brother. And his concubine, whose name was Reumah, she bare also Tebah, and Gaham, and Thahash, and Maachah." Genesis 22:20-24
Rehoboam had 78 Wives - Mahalath, Abihail and Maachah
"And Rehoboam took him Mahalath the daughter of Jerimoth and Abihail the daughter of Eliab, he took Maachah the daughter of Absalom; And Rehoboam loved Maachah the daughter of Absalom above all his wives and his concubines: (for he took eighteen wives, and threescore concubines; and begat twenty and eight sons, and threescore daughters.) And he desired many wives." 2 Chronicles 11:18-23
Saul had 2 wives, Ahinoam and Rizpah
"And the name of Saul's wife was Ahinoam, the daughter of Ahimaaz: and the name of the captain of his host was Abner, the son of Ner, Saul's uncle." 1 Samuel 14:50
"And Saul had a concubine, whose name was Rizpah, the daughter of Aiah: and Ishbosheth said to Abner, Wherefore hast thou gone in unto my father's concubine?" 2 Samuel 3:7
Shaharaim had 2 Wives, Hushim and Baara
"And Shaharaim begat children in the country of Moab, after he had sent them away; Hushim and Baara were his wives." 1 Chronicles 8:8
Simeon had 2 Wives, Canaanitish Woman
"And the sons of Simeon; Jemuel, and Jamin, and Ohad, and Jachin, and Zohar, and Shaul the son of a Canaanitish woman." Genesis 46:10, Exodus 6:15
Solomon had 1,000 wives - Sidontans, Tyrians, Ammonites and Edomites
"And he had seven hundred wives, princesses, and three hundred concubines: and his wives turned away his heart." 1 Kings 11:3
Zedekiah
"So they shall bring out all thy wives and thy children to the Chaldeans: and thou shalt not escape out of their hand, but shalt be taken by the hand of the king of Babylon: and thou shalt cause this city to be burned with fire." Jeremiah 38:23
Exegesis of "One Wife"
Titus 1:6 and 1_Timothy 3:2,12 --- "One wife" --- mia is the Greek word from which the word, one, was translated in those passages. Yet, it can also be translated as first, just as it is, for example, so translated in the phrases, "first day of the week" in Matthew 28:1, Mark 16:1-2, and Acts 20:7.
Furthermore, in 1_Timothy 5:9, a widow's "one man" is not mia but the Greek word "heis", meaning the numeral-one, and not meaning the adjective of "first".
There is so much more to this particular matter here than that which this "sound-bite" here can address. The organization of TruthBearer.org provides a number of detailed articles on this issue, a couple of which include Breaking Past the ONE WIFE Barrier and The Elders, Bishops, and Deacons Trap (Ch.9 of "The Truth and the Paradox").
The fact is, no one can INSIST that these three "one wife" verses can NOT be instead translated as "first wife", which makes more sense to translate those verses as "first wife" anyway.
Exegesis of "Wife of thy Youth"
Malachi 2:14-15 --- "wife of thy youth" is a man's first wife, the wife with whom he grew and learned how to so love, bless, and edify any wife.
Exegesis of "If He Take Another Wife"
"If he take him another wife; her food, her raiment, and her duty of marriage, shall he not diminish." Exodus 21:10.
Exodus 21:10 protects the first (and previous) wife(s). Note that this verse comes only 22 verses AFTER the 7th Commandment ("Thou shalt not commit adultery") in Exodus 20:14.
Exegesis of "If a Man Have 2 Wives"
"If a man have two wives..." Deuteronomy 21:15a.
The passage of Deuteronomy 21:15-17 is a specific instruction in the Law Itself to any man with "two wives". If polygamy was a sin, then it would not be possible for a "man to have two wives" in the Law.
"If a man have two wives, one beloved, and another hated, and they have born him children, both the beloved and the hated; and if the firstborn son be hers that was hated: Then it shall be, when he maketh his sons to inherit that which he hath, that he may not make the son of the beloved firstborn before the son of the hated, which is indeed the firstborn: But he shall acknowledge the son of the hated for the firstborn, by giving him a double portion of all that he hath: for he is the beginning of his strength; the right of the firstborn is his." Deuteronomy 21:15-17.
As for lot's sons, keep in mind that both tribes did not turn 'evil' for fourteen generations.
:)
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CoolWaters
If a person gives a vow of monogamy to another person, to break that vow cannot be supported by the bible.
Cheating is not an issue of sexuality or theology. Cheating is an issue of trust.
Violating trust is called betrayal.
Betrayal cannot be supported by the bible.
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Galen
I agree.
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CoolWaters
Thought you would.
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rascal
I have a real problem with the idea that a woman needs to keep up appearance and be sexy to keep her man....
See what happens when the fellow keeps his wife continuously preggers for years....it begins to take it`s toll... nurturing the kiddoes, keeping the house up to snuff...laundry...dinner on the table on time when he walks through the door...etc.
Enter a single gal who has no children to get off to school in the morning so she has the luxury of an hour to herself to apply makeup and fix hair... she has no children to provide for so she has money for manicures and the newest fashions.....she has no worries of preparing dinner for a family and dishes afterwards....so has plenty of time to be *fun* in the evenings....her body has not been stretched out of shape in baring his children....she has not been up all night agonizing over a sick child so she has plenty of energy and enthiasm for *fun*
No doubt about it she IS more fun....so the husband leaves his wife who has somehow become boring and his children selfish enough to want a little time with Daddy in the evenings.
This happened with my father....he left his wife and four young children because his sexy girlfriend was more fun...and HE needed to do what he needed to to make himself happy....and he did...
They had a great life together traveling the world....
To bad so sad about his children left devistated forced to grow up without the protection or nurture of a loving father....and a mother whom was so broken and bitter about being left holding the bag raising HIS children....while he left for his exciting adventure...that it was years before she could come out her fog and raise them.
To bad though she tried desperatly Mom just couldn`t compete with *fun* girl .... but the playing field was unfair...the handicap being placed on her by the very man who then found her lacking.
My sisters husband did the same damned thing when she became overwhelmed with the responsibility of raising their children and working full time because he couldn`t keep a job....
Damn it....sometimes guys need to grow the he ll up and take care of business rather than figuring spouse *owes* them *fun* and sexy bodies and a 24 hr a day sparkly scintillating interaction.
Please consider that we are raising your kids, they are sapping OUR youth OUR vitality OUR resources and time ...how about pitching in ..putting your shoulder to the wheel and participating in the responsibility of raising YOUR children instead of sulking about how we need to make ourselves and be sexier for you .
I PROMISE you that it will be a more fullfilling and meaningfull life than with *fun* girl...<_<
Geeze I want to shout to ...PLEASE just grow UP and start pulling your share of the load instead of being part of the burden placed on your spouses shoulders....
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rascal
P.S. By *you guys* I am referring to the cheaters who blame their spouses appearance for *making* them seek companionship <_<
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CoolWaters
{{{{{rascal}}}}
Say it like it T I is girlfriend!
I'm sorry for you and all of the other children in the world who have been forced into such situations by a very selfish, very immature parent.
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pond
I see alot of marriages like that , boring same old same old, responsibilities, kids, money all the trapping domestic life offers.
many people when they sign up may be shocked on how it really is. and then it is like a trap.
and they decide it really may not be worth the hassles, and they get lonely, really lonely for good times for the time love was just love.. or just good sex.
but many try to keep their commintments to all the family life offers, but when do you get a chance to be happy? so you cheat for a chance to be happy to find peace to be able to just be without the hassle of all the work and responsibility a family requires.
in twenty years when all the kids are gone and you look at your spouse and say whew we made it?
and find out you do not even know who they are anymore.
I see few marriages in which the spouses grow and be and are truly happy with each other as time goes on.
like any contract it seems to be what needs to be done mostly... and life is only so long .
I like the ones who are healthy but I see so few.
but they do not want to hurt anyone, and they are good and trying to do the right thing.. life is what you make it and all. everyone deserves to happy once in a while without the stress of what it turned out to be. who knew?
God knows no one wants an ugly divorce when maybe you can fill in the gap with someone eles .
till it gets better. maybe some day.
happens all the time.
I understand why married people cheat, what I do not understand is why single people get involved for years and waste their life away thinking it will be more than what it is.
it is easy to say "just leave" : but not when you have a two income lifestyle and you both love your children and you know it isnt abusive just stale and boring and everyday easy familiar, so no one metions the slip, because life is to busy with the responsibilities that are in front of you.
I think sometimes when people cheat it isnt because the stopped loving the spouse , it is just depression or boredom or just lackof living etc... they do not want to hurt what they have made together.
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pond
I also do not think it is fair to turn into a fat lazy slob after a few years of marriage.
A huge part of loving anyone is loving yourself and a person who is incapable of taking care of their own needs , is selfish thinking the partner should pick up the slack.
it is a marriage and as much as life throws at families today that we cant control , being happy , staying healthy, and maintianing a self that is worth giving to someone in marriage is primary in making it a good thing.
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CoolWaters
pond...I take your comments with the knowledge that you are not married, choose not to be married, and have not been married for more years than you were ever married (if ever...i dunno for sure).
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rascal
Thanks CW, I don`t mean to sound like I am whining I know that many others have had it a whole hell of a lot tougher.....
It just angers me that I would be expected at 44 to compete in a beauty/personality contest with some shallow little strumpet that has nothing better to do than fix herself up to entertain a man.
Face it at my age....dress me up..... take me to the hair dresser ...get a body wax....spend a fortune on plastic surgery....n dammit I am still a 44 yr old woman who has carried 7 children... trying to compete with a 20 yr old.
I guess that these are GOOD reasons to grow the he ll up first before folks get married. Or decide to shorty afterwards....
It simply isn`t ABOUT you two and what you want/like any more after the children come....the priorities must change....it is about binding together to get a sometimes messy ...mostly wonderfull ...very rewarding endeavor of raising children into productive healthy adults.
That is what people of character and principle do...They stick to the commitment made ...EVEN when it isn`t fun...
The rewards will come at a futire date and they are far greater than when we indulge in our own selfish whims....without consideration to the impact on those whom you have pledged to cherish and protect..
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templelady
When you look, at all the reasons, profiles, excuses, theories, etc etc etc in the end it comes down to the cheater being fixated on "I"
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rascal
Damned right mo....that says it all.... *I* instead of WE
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wingnut
Having been the faithful fool that was cheated on, I have to say that there is a personality trait common to all cheaters, male or female. They are the flawed selfish ones that refuse to grow up and deal with the reality their misery is as much their fault as it is their spouses. They lack the basic human decency to be considerate of others while they find their cheap sexual thrills where they shouldn't. Men and women deserve a partner that will cheat on them when they cheat on their spouse.
Why cheat when freakin divorce is so easy?
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rascal
Agreed dear ((((wing nut)))) I didn`t mean to pick on the guys....
They work their tails off to support their family and then the wives feel neglected and find THEIR entertainment elsewhere......
It is all about selfishness and immaturity...and then attempting to shed the shame and guilt by blaming the non cheating spouse.... *well YOU made me do it* <_<
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pond
I am talking about folks who cheat hello.
It is a life time commintment to one another, a partnership to share each others life.
suppose to be a good thing.
not a ball and chain.
of responsibilities and commintments hello recognize them , and still be in love.
if a 20 year old threatens your marriage.. something is wrong with your marriage.
a good marriage wouldnt consider a 20 year a threat, a marriage that has different priorities other than the two becoming one which I would say implies happiness for both, is fried.
children are a part of life. I do not like people who use children as an excuse for being miserable.
I do see it , and I think the children suffer the most in those types of arrangements cause kids are smart and they feel what is going on and if the parents are not happy the whole family suffers horribly.
staying together for the kids is not a marriage it is a contract like a business deal, no wonder some would cheat .
others would be content to stay and be unhappy and wait for the day to either get out or to make the other as miserable as they are in life.
it is co-depency .. marriage is about having the priority of one anothering which means taking care of one another and a person incapable of taking care of their own self is a dependent not a partner.
I do see alot of parent child relatinships that people call marriages, and in those types of marriages the cheaters are looking for a lve a adult a relationship built on what marriage is created for to help ne another in life.
but they have that contract and many are afraid to break a deal ,no matter how much they are paying for it.
to me that isnt marriage in the first place.
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pond
so when you get married it is no longer acceptable to be a self?
to share who you are to grow and become to reach for your dreams?
together it cant be done?
i do believe the self sacrafice come with a price.
it always does.
whether it be abuse, bitterness or cheating , a person who can not see the fact they need to be responsible for their own helath , idenity , finance , and happiness is nothing more than a darn parasite after awhile.
it is draining and unfair and why so many many marriages fail.
lose your dreams in life sacrafice all for another and what do you have to give anyone? nothing.
nothing but taking is left then and that is what I would define as the most selfish position in life.
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rascal
It is all about growing up and accepting responsibilty for the greater good of the family....to do so and sulk because it isn`t fun is immature and simply another excuse for cheating imo.
A person of character sucks it up and gets the job done even when it stops being fun. Anything else is nothing more than an excuse to cheat.
If you aren`t willing to grow up...then get the he ll out before you destroy those whom you have pledged to cherish and protect.
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Sweetpea
Maybe the person who cheats does not know how to find a way out of their miserable marriage. It is also possible that because of the knowledge that it is next to impossible to run two households after a divorce, they keep the union together. It is easy to be on the outside looking in, but if you were ever in a bad marriage with no apparent way out, you may try anything to get your partner to break it up.
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pond
When communication breaks down where do ya begin?
your so right sweet pea.. an affair may be a scream for help.
I have seen marriages recover after somone has had an affair.
it is a wake up call for sure.
maybe a person just wants attention and does the behaviour to try to get the other to notice.
life is so full of responsibilities and work to be done, funny how none of that stuff is in the "vow" made on the special day of your wedding.
I think married people forget that. And the fact is people get married for love, not to be hassled by just one more , if you can not have fun with the one you married who do you have fun with?
somone eles.
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Dot Matrix
Pond/Sweetpea and others
I understand where you are coming from. I had to leave an abusive marriage and I left with NOTHING.
I left my house, I left a lot behind and I was never able to make it up. I am better off having left as I so believe he was becoming more and more dangerous and would have killed me.
I do know NOW I am older. There are times I am so lonely I could cry. There are times I wish I would get hugged or snuck up on and kissed on the neck. I miss those sweet things that made days special and help to bind hearts.
Then came illnesses, unbelievable bills to pay, job loss and it was all we could do to swim. Working and looking for ways to pay endless hospital bills was like trying to survive the sinking of the Titanic.
He was sick and I selfishly and deep down was angry that he was sick. I know it was wrong but I really had this subconcious thing going on.
We came through it all. Still not back to where we were, it did effect us. Things are not the same. I would like to say we grew together and are stronger, but like a couple who looses a child usually do not make it from all the guilt and blame, we fell to all of those things.
HE felt guilty because he was sick and resented the fact that I was healthy in away. Felt as though I could not understand how this illness ruined him and his dreams. We got to be miles apart.
But one thing I do know, to lie in the arms of another is not the answer. I think my husband knows it as well. Recently, we began to pray to see each others hearts again, to see past the storms and the fights about money and to find each other again.
I have learned after being divorced and remarried happiness is not about the choices we made in a spouse-- as everyone has problems, its how we handle those short comings and storms.
We did not handle them well, we barley survived, but we survived this storm.
I keep thinking are there happy people out there?
But it has got to be deeper than looks, all though looking good is nice, it has to be an internal connection that you do not want to end no matter what. And sometimes the "no matter what" can be long and miserable. IT is then I think divorce maybe considered. But you are right, it is hard to maintain the lifestyle with the dividing of the paychecks.
So, you feel stuck. I found a million reasons to blame my husband for my plight. Then, I decided to look at what made me LIKE him to begin with, before the bills, the sicknesses and job loss. There was a good hearted man that really got hit with the "worse" of the for better or worse in the vows.
I wonder sometimes if we had the "better" if we'd be together or if then the 20 year olds would have come out of the woodwork if we were very wealthy.
I dunno, it is always something trying to make you blame or hate the spouse, be it the 20 pounds they gained or the hair loss. But there has to be something bigger something deeper to keep you together. Cheating seems like such an easy way to "feel good" for 5 minutes but causes endless pain. Like suicide, you get rid of the pain but your suicide creates PROBLEMS for other people.
I suppose a person cheats when they do not know how to reach their spouse anymore and they stop trying. I dunno. I just do not think it is an answer or a cure to ones life. IT seems to make things worse.
So, why do it? Unless you and the spouse agree to stay together for the house and allow yourselves to date others. Then it is not cheating, sneaky or a lie, but an agreement.
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