2005 DARWIN AWARDS

[Jade]

2005 Darwin Awards

Yes, it's that magical time of the year again when the Darwin Awards are bestowed, honoring the least evolved among us. Here then, are the glorious winners:

1. When his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a hold-up in Long Beach, California, would-be robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked...

And now, the honorable mentions:

2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat-cutting machine and, after a little shopping around, submitted a claim to his insurance company. The company expecting negligence sent out one of its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and he also lost a finger.

The chef's claim was approved.

3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.

4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.

5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.

6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a$20 bill on the counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer...$15.

(If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, is a crime committed?)

7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.

8. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied, "Yes, officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from."

9. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan, at 5 a.m., flashed a gun, and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away.

A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER

10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline and plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges, saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.

[Shellon]

:blink:

[dmiller]

SNOPES

:(

[Raf]

I didn't want to do it. Thanks, David! :)

[dmiller]

Damgumitalleneyhow ---

I hate to promote Snopes,

But sometimes ya gotta do

What ya gotta do!!..

Kinda like holding forth the Word,

In a Bar,

and talking about the

River of Life,

When it is evident that,

the *river of Ralph*

is the Prevailing Word!

Some things just gotta be said. :)

Edited January 31, 2006 by dmiller

[dmiller]

(actually -- I got a HUGE kick out of number 4 ---)

4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.

[Jade]

wimps.com

has # 7 on tape.

besides, just thought this $*@! was funny if you dont then i really dont give a $*@!

[dmiller]

besides, just thought this $*@! was funny if you dont then i really dont give a $*@!

(in case ya missed it -- I thought it was funny too)

But it isn't totally verifiable. Thus my Snopes post.

And I apologize if my thoughts superceded your thoughts

(which were the original thoughts that initiated this thread),

and thusly played second fiddle to my thoughts

(which were not your thoughts),

but should have played second fiddle to your thoughts

which were the initiating/original thoughts

that determined the flow of this thread.

In the immortal words of (I forget who now) ---

PLEASE CHILL!!

(but then again, that is just my thoughts superceding ove -----

Nemmermind!)

Edited January 31, 2006 by dmiller

[ChasUFarley]

I've got a good, TRUE story about a crime for you... This happened last spring...

I was leaving a local department store, had both kids in tow, when I noticed a Chevy Aveo racing through the parking lot. Concerned that my oldest child wasn't paying attention, I stopped the shopping cart and grabbed his hand, with my eye on the speeding car.

The Aveo, which had four teenage or early-twenty-something boys in it, stopped right next to a lady who had just gotten out of her car to go in the store. A boy jumped out of the passenger-side back seat, smacked the woman in the chest, and grabbed her purse. She yelled out at him, but was smart enough to let go of the purse. He jumped back in the car with the purse, and the driver sped off through the parking lot again - but - and this is the part that I love - SLOWED DOWN FOR THE SPEEDBUMPS IN THE PARKING LOT! TWICE!

I had no trouble reading his new, temporary license plate, and could even see the dealership sticker on the back of the car. I helped the woman in the store and we called the police. The boys were caught less than an hour later and the lady got back her purse and everything. All four boys were arrested and charges were pressed (although they probably only ended up picking up litter, as they turned out to all be juvies.)

Dumb, dumb, dumb!

[Sudo]

Chas,

You're probably right. Being juvies, they most likely had their hands smacked. Not too HARD mind you as that would be not only be cruel and unusual punishment but "beating" children which is an afront to civilized society.

They SHOULD be serving 5-10. We SHOULDN'T be tolerating that kind of crime... even by juvies.

sudo

[gc]

I've got one for you that should be in the Darwin or Stella awards.

5 teens were walking a neighborhood looking for trouble, carrying a gun. They came upon a lone woman who had just pulled up in front of her home, me. They stayed behind a large bush and waited for her to get out of her car and walk towards her front door. Once she was 1/2 way there, two of them walked up to her, one with the gun pointed at her face and asking for her money. She, knowing that a quarter, three nickles and a few pennies wouldn't cut it and could be shot because of it, offered the two her purse. They accepted, she threw the purse towards them, then ran (like a bat outta hell) towards a neighbor's home. I still miss that purse! :blink:

Some hours later, one of the teens deciding that the armed robbery was so much fun, attempted to break into a car right down the same street. He was caught in the act. When the police questioned him about the armed robbery from earlier on, he, hoping to get on the good side of the police, said that he knew who the gunman was from that robbery. He was brought to central lockup. Within a couple of hours the police questioned the would be gunman of the robbery telling him that "so and so" (the car thief) is willing to swear that he, the would be gun man, was indeed the gunman of the armed robbery of the woman in front of her home. The gunman then admitted to the act and told the police that the car thief was also part of the armed robbery! So, the car thief had double charges!

The police were able to clear up the armed robbery in less than 24 hours!

gc

Edited February 1, 2006 by gc

[ChasUFarley]

Sudo -- Wanna hear the real kicker to that? The police didn't want to talk to me, only the victim, about the crime, as they felt that since the kids were underage that they would be breaking the privacy act by discussing the crime with me beyond the description of the get-away car. They told me, "There's nothing more to see here. You can go home." Nice, huh? I was the ONLY witness. The victim felt otherwise, as she was so shaken up she couldn't remember what color the car was! For her sake ONLY, I'm glad I was there....

And Sudo... if my boys ever get into that kind of trouble, they better hope they get locked up for 5-10 years, because Mamma will be a-waitin' for them when they get out and will dish out much worse than any judge ever could!!

gc -- amazing! You must have been scared to death! Thank God that the kids were caught - I hope the judge slammed the book at them!

Edited February 9, 2006 by ChasUFarley