As foster parents a set of siblings that we had, were doing visitations with their bio-parents. One of the bio-fathers was the convicted molester who was convicted of molesting the little girl that we had living in our home, back when she was five. It was not DCF policy to tell the children that it was their option if they wanted to see these parents or not, the State case-workers would just show up and the kids were in the habit of just going wherever they were taken. But at the time, six years after the offense, this little girl was still being dragged to the prison for a visitation with her attacker every month.
Right now we live across the street from a registered-sex-offender, he is in his thirtys. When he turned 18 his girl friend was a teen and her parents filed the complaint. This guy is mentally rertarded and I am not sure how many jobs he could get under any circumstances.
I also must wonder, if a released sex-offender is not allowed to live, work or shop within 1500 feet of any minors; how many places in America cold he possibly live, work or shop? You would pretty much have to locate an 'adult-only' community somewhere.
I cannot begin to tell you the excitement inside that I have- every hour- I go to my fax- there are 5-10 pages of signatures!
College students all over the country are busy on campus' getting the petition signed! By Monday -all 50 Senators will have been faxed the B.A.T.E.'s Law information. We have signatures from Florida to Washington state!
this awesome human being and new york attorney.... you can email him for advice and/or anything
i am trying to find the article where he talks about the law in new york he's trying to change about a criminal child molester father having all the rights in the world
I also must wonder, if a released sex-offender is not allowed to live, work or shop within 1500 feet of any minors; how many places in America cold he possibly live, work or shop? You would pretty much have to locate an 'adult-only' community somewhere.
i guess don't release him then
or maybe find an island where they all can live together as adults
"I also must wonder, if a released sex-offender is not allowed to live, work or shop within 1500 feet of any minors; how many places in America cold he possibly live, work or shop? You would pretty much have to locate an 'adult-only' community somewhere."
I think the point is- if they are not even allowed to work in say, a DAY CARE CENTER - then WHY allow them to visit with a biological or adopted child alone?
Okay...hate me! It's not like my private messages over flow anyway. The same thought keeps playing like a broken record over and over and over.
What is in the best interest of the child!!!
Yes, in many cases loss of parental rights is in order, but in all cases? Who decides? Are therapists involved at all? Are children getting therapy? Every state has $$ set aside for victims of crime and their families to get medical treatment, therapy and lost wages even.
The sad thing is without proper therapy, keeping a child away from the bio perp can cause it's own problems. The child feeling at fault immediately comes to mind.
If the bio parent can and is willing to receive treatment in an offender program, courts will generally work toward unification as in the best interest of the child.
I feel your pain, really I do, but my ex didn't even get charged with the crime. And while I did get a no contact order, and left the state...that could change if and when he participates meaningfully in an offenders group or something. The good thing is, my children have their own attorney (not the same as mine) who represented them well and will be hand in hard with the children's therapist if any change in the court order should occur.
My kids miss their Dad, but through loads of counseling they are willing to forego just having "Dad" until they can have a safe, appropriate, healthy Dad. It took a long time for me to honestly say, I want what's best for my children without running it through what I thought was best for my child (which hung on the coat tails of all my shame issues, and all my past trauma, and an unyielding thirst for revenge.)
I wish you all the best. And like my therapist always says, "As you get well, your kids will get well."
"If the bio parent can and is willing to receive treatment in an offender program, courts will generally work toward unification as in the best interest of the child."
My problem with this is that most "treatment programs" don't work and the percentage of offenders who repeat their crimes is extremely high.
Has the law itself actually been written or are you trying to get someone on the legistlature to write the law? I am curious because I passed your blog on to a friend of mine who also has a rather popular blog and asked her to post it. She wrote me back and said the law was too broad and she wasn't comfortable with it.
She and I have some rather big differences when it comes to "politics" so I thought I should check and read the language of the law itself, but couldn't find it.
to answer "What is in the best interest of the child"
I agree - it is tricky because every case is different. I feel that there should be an OPTION.
In my situation I cannot comment too much on the facts of my case - but I can give a general opinion...
I do not feel young children should be exposed to pedophiles, regardless of the DNA of that pedophile. If when they are older (18 perhaps) then they can talk to the parent and decide what type of relationship they want to have with that person. BUT the same kind of "hold" on a child that causes the child to be in fear to NOT speak up for 4 years of molestation and another 6 years of silence keeping that secret - is the same type of hold the parent will continue to have if the child is going to keep seeing them. (My opinion of course)
How about this comparrison: A parent physically beats a child- to the point that a scoial worker gets involved... is that one child taken away or all of the children taken away? Answer: ALL children are taken away due to the parent being unfit to care for them properly. Just a thought...
As to the question about the law- it is a proposed law that I am meeting with the governor on. Thus - the petition is needed.
Again, we are happily surprised about the amount of signatures that are flying in!
Thanks for sharing your opinions. I appreciate it.
I don't hope to turn this much needed thread into a discussion about services, or lack thereof. However, the myth that there are a ton of services for these children is just that; a myth.
If I have a client that is 10 years old and s/he is being abused, there is possibility that s/he will not be removed from the home. It's not that black and white, unfortunately.
Alot of variables are factored in, like can the abuser be removed, to keep kid home in their own bed, with their own stuff, with siblings and loving parent? Can Grandma or Grandpa move in and parents out?
Funding is the bottom line for everything anymore. If I know a kid has lived a horrific life and needs some therapy, I can try like crazy to find some for him/her, but it's not just that easy. Community Mental Health has tightened their intake specs to levels that are criminal in themselves. They can and do turn down a case, even though the child needs their assistance desperately.
So, alot of kid get no help whatsoever? Yup, that's exactly it.
Also, lets say the child really needs 12 sessions at 50 minutes each, alone with a therapist trained to help. IF the insurance company oks it, it's usually only for 3-4 and then the facilitator must then petition the insurance again to ask for more. Insurance might give 1-2, depending on how well the therapist convinces them the kid needs it, proves that results are being gained; a very difficult thing to do in this work.
If the insurance turns it down, the kid maybe got 3-4 sessions, maybe 6, but nowhere near enough for him/her to talk about the abuse, pain, fear and the now what. The therapist has tried desperatly to hurry the work along, such as moving into the now what part before the kid is ready to get there. This is best case, when the therapist is actually trained, educated or skilled. More often than not, that's not the case either, I don't care what the licensing laws say.
The priorities are really mixed up. If a child needs therapy, I have to know how to answer their questions in a way that tells the intake office that s/he's a danger to herself or others. If I do that, s/he's labeled and may get placement in a facility that doesn't meet the needs, but rather exposes her to other dangers.
If I tell the truth that the kid is coming out of abuse, in a home that is unsafe, what I'd more likely get is 'how can we get help into the home to teach mom, dad, aunt, uncle, grandma, whomever how to parent, clean, etc' for which they might give a month or two of 3 hours a week in the home to teach.
That is not enough to even address the real core issues, but that might be all the state will pay for.
The cited problems? Money. Staff cuts, the workers will recite their case load that doesn't afford them to give more than a token 1/2 hour a week if that, then they'll go on to tell you other horror stories about their jobs, the corners they cut, and the facts that there is nothing they can do. Right now, for instance, priority is heating and emergencies. Child welfare is # 6 on a list of priorities according to a case worker I interviewed thursday Jan 26.
On the bottom? Health care, medications, even for children.
One would hollar "but these are babies! children! and they should be number 1" Which would be a true and fair statement.
Seeme's been there, done that, knows the system and how it works and doesn't. I applaud her fight and scrap for her babies, whatever it takes, however long it takes, whoever she has to fight to get there.
This man should never be allowed access to those children; he's lost that right, the end. But unfortunately the laws aren't such that it goes the way that is right.
Thank you seeme, for fighting for your kids, but for my kids, my neighbors kids, for all kids and parents who are fighting this same brutal war of the system allowing kids to be molested in the courtroom after they've already been molested by someone that professes to love them.
I understand that each state has differant rules, regs and policy. I speak of Michigan and it's terribly poorly run, poorly implemented, very very poorly financed.
Kids should be able to feel safe and loved, period.
You are so right. It is all about money. We were offered some help from NJ (and we are grateful for that!) We were offered counseling (again, for a certain amount of time) but it is difficult. That is one reason for trying to pass this law.
In my situation, not only do I NOT get child support and the health coverage which was supposed to be provided for by this man, but, now with legal fees it is crazy. For most women (or men) who can't afford not having that income, they decide not to protect the child.
Fortunately I have a new husband who does not mind paying to protect the kids and a job where we make more money in a month than most people do in a year, so we have plenty to keep fighting. But not all families can do this.
All I want is for my kids to feel safe and free to enjoy being kids. Had I been told while I was in court that the sentencing would not be protecting these children - I would have started a year ago on this project!
I know we can't change everything but, with the baby steps of people like the Kana's who got Megan's law and the Lunsford's who just got Jessica's law passed we can at least start to protect kids more and more. I am not quitting on this one! :)
I also must wonder, if a released sex-offender is not allowed to live, work or shop within 1500 feet of any minors; how many places in America cold he possibly live, work or shop?
"You would pretty much have to locate an 'adult-only' community somewhere."
I would like to add one thing - in case people are not aware of WHO this child molester is ... He was a Way Corps person - dropped years ago... he was still a part of the Ministry when he was first arrested.
He lied to his leadership here in GA and told them that he was going to jail for not paying child support. I was considered the one "off the Word" because I stopped going to fellowships a long time ago.... When they found out that he was a child molester - the ministery believer's were mean to our family. (My children still had to go to school where ministry kids went...) They called us unloving for putting Mark in jail.
According to Mark's letter to my oldest son, Mark STILL communicates every week with believer's here in GA - he calls them and they tell him info on our family - I think he wrote "wink, wink, I have my ways in finding out about you guys.... I call believers every week and they fill me in" I personally find this creeepy.
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Galen
I see contradcitions in our society.
As foster parents a set of siblings that we had, were doing visitations with their bio-parents. One of the bio-fathers was the convicted molester who was convicted of molesting the little girl that we had living in our home, back when she was five. It was not DCF policy to tell the children that it was their option if they wanted to see these parents or not, the State case-workers would just show up and the kids were in the habit of just going wherever they were taken. But at the time, six years after the offense, this little girl was still being dragged to the prison for a visitation with her attacker every month.
Right now we live across the street from a registered-sex-offender, he is in his thirtys. When he turned 18 his girl friend was a teen and her parents filed the complaint. This guy is mentally rertarded and I am not sure how many jobs he could get under any circumstances.
I also must wonder, if a released sex-offender is not allowed to live, work or shop within 1500 feet of any minors; how many places in America cold he possibly live, work or shop? You would pretty much have to locate an 'adult-only' community somewhere.
???
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Seeing how things are "first hand" does that mean you are signing my petition and faxing it to me???
Lisa
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You guys are awesome!
I cannot begin to tell you the excitement inside that I have- every hour- I go to my fax- there are 5-10 pages of signatures!
College students all over the country are busy on campus' getting the petition signed! By Monday -all 50 Senators will have been faxed the B.A.T.E.'s Law information. We have signatures from Florida to Washington state!
Keep up the much appreciated work!
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excathedra
dear see me
i want to give you this website
www.vachss.com
this awesome human being and new york attorney.... you can email him for advice and/or anything
i am trying to find the article where he talks about the law in new york he's trying to change about a criminal child molester father having all the rights in the world
love,ex
this would be easier to click on
http://www.vachss.com/
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Thanks so much!
I am sending Andrew Vachss a packet rigt away!
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excathedra
i just sent you an email
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excathedra
or maybe find an island where they all can live together as adults
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"I also must wonder, if a released sex-offender is not allowed to live, work or shop within 1500 feet of any minors; how many places in America cold he possibly live, work or shop? You would pretty much have to locate an 'adult-only' community somewhere."
I think the point is- if they are not even allowed to work in say, a DAY CARE CENTER - then WHY allow them to visit with a biological or adopted child alone?
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karmicdebt
Okay...hate me! It's not like my private messages over flow anyway. The same thought keeps playing like a broken record over and over and over.
What is in the best interest of the child!!!
Yes, in many cases loss of parental rights is in order, but in all cases? Who decides? Are therapists involved at all? Are children getting therapy? Every state has $$ set aside for victims of crime and their families to get medical treatment, therapy and lost wages even.
The sad thing is without proper therapy, keeping a child away from the bio perp can cause it's own problems. The child feeling at fault immediately comes to mind.
If the bio parent can and is willing to receive treatment in an offender program, courts will generally work toward unification as in the best interest of the child.
I feel your pain, really I do, but my ex didn't even get charged with the crime. And while I did get a no contact order, and left the state...that could change if and when he participates meaningfully in an offenders group or something. The good thing is, my children have their own attorney (not the same as mine) who represented them well and will be hand in hard with the children's therapist if any change in the court order should occur.
My kids miss their Dad, but through loads of counseling they are willing to forego just having "Dad" until they can have a safe, appropriate, healthy Dad. It took a long time for me to honestly say, I want what's best for my children without running it through what I thought was best for my child (which hung on the coat tails of all my shame issues, and all my past trauma, and an unyielding thirst for revenge.)
I wish you all the best. And like my therapist always says, "As you get well, your kids will get well."
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excathedra
i could never hate you in a million zillion years ((((((((( karmie )))))))))
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Sushi
"If the bio parent can and is willing to receive treatment in an offender program, courts will generally work toward unification as in the best interest of the child."
My problem with this is that most "treatment programs" don't work and the percentage of offenders who repeat their crimes is extremely high.
**darn - posted by Abigail***
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Abigail
See Me,
Has the law itself actually been written or are you trying to get someone on the legistlature to write the law? I am curious because I passed your blog on to a friend of mine who also has a rather popular blog and asked her to post it. She wrote me back and said the law was too broad and she wasn't comfortable with it.
She and I have some rather big differences when it comes to "politics" so I thought I should check and read the language of the law itself, but couldn't find it.
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to answer "What is in the best interest of the child"
I agree - it is tricky because every case is different. I feel that there should be an OPTION.
In my situation I cannot comment too much on the facts of my case - but I can give a general opinion...
I do not feel young children should be exposed to pedophiles, regardless of the DNA of that pedophile. If when they are older (18 perhaps) then they can talk to the parent and decide what type of relationship they want to have with that person. BUT the same kind of "hold" on a child that causes the child to be in fear to NOT speak up for 4 years of molestation and another 6 years of silence keeping that secret - is the same type of hold the parent will continue to have if the child is going to keep seeing them. (My opinion of course)
How about this comparrison: A parent physically beats a child- to the point that a scoial worker gets involved... is that one child taken away or all of the children taken away? Answer: ALL children are taken away due to the parent being unfit to care for them properly. Just a thought...
As to the question about the law- it is a proposed law that I am meeting with the governor on. Thus - the petition is needed.
Again, we are happily surprised about the amount of signatures that are flying in!
Thanks for sharing your opinions. I appreciate it.
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Tumbleweed Kid
See Me,
I will take a signature page to work on Monday and get as many people to sign as possible.
My best to the family.
Tumbleweed
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Thanks Tumbleweed Kid!
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Shellon
I don't hope to turn this much needed thread into a discussion about services, or lack thereof. However, the myth that there are a ton of services for these children is just that; a myth.
If I have a client that is 10 years old and s/he is being abused, there is possibility that s/he will not be removed from the home. It's not that black and white, unfortunately.
Alot of variables are factored in, like can the abuser be removed, to keep kid home in their own bed, with their own stuff, with siblings and loving parent? Can Grandma or Grandpa move in and parents out?
Funding is the bottom line for everything anymore. If I know a kid has lived a horrific life and needs some therapy, I can try like crazy to find some for him/her, but it's not just that easy. Community Mental Health has tightened their intake specs to levels that are criminal in themselves. They can and do turn down a case, even though the child needs their assistance desperately.
So, alot of kid get no help whatsoever? Yup, that's exactly it.
Also, lets say the child really needs 12 sessions at 50 minutes each, alone with a therapist trained to help. IF the insurance company oks it, it's usually only for 3-4 and then the facilitator must then petition the insurance again to ask for more. Insurance might give 1-2, depending on how well the therapist convinces them the kid needs it, proves that results are being gained; a very difficult thing to do in this work.
If the insurance turns it down, the kid maybe got 3-4 sessions, maybe 6, but nowhere near enough for him/her to talk about the abuse, pain, fear and the now what. The therapist has tried desperatly to hurry the work along, such as moving into the now what part before the kid is ready to get there. This is best case, when the therapist is actually trained, educated or skilled. More often than not, that's not the case either, I don't care what the licensing laws say.
The priorities are really mixed up. If a child needs therapy, I have to know how to answer their questions in a way that tells the intake office that s/he's a danger to herself or others. If I do that, s/he's labeled and may get placement in a facility that doesn't meet the needs, but rather exposes her to other dangers.
If I tell the truth that the kid is coming out of abuse, in a home that is unsafe, what I'd more likely get is 'how can we get help into the home to teach mom, dad, aunt, uncle, grandma, whomever how to parent, clean, etc' for which they might give a month or two of 3 hours a week in the home to teach.
That is not enough to even address the real core issues, but that might be all the state will pay for.
The cited problems? Money. Staff cuts, the workers will recite their case load that doesn't afford them to give more than a token 1/2 hour a week if that, then they'll go on to tell you other horror stories about their jobs, the corners they cut, and the facts that there is nothing they can do. Right now, for instance, priority is heating and emergencies. Child welfare is # 6 on a list of priorities according to a case worker I interviewed thursday Jan 26.
On the bottom? Health care, medications, even for children.
One would hollar "but these are babies! children! and they should be number 1" Which would be a true and fair statement.
Seeme's been there, done that, knows the system and how it works and doesn't. I applaud her fight and scrap for her babies, whatever it takes, however long it takes, whoever she has to fight to get there.
This man should never be allowed access to those children; he's lost that right, the end. But unfortunately the laws aren't such that it goes the way that is right.
Thank you seeme, for fighting for your kids, but for my kids, my neighbors kids, for all kids and parents who are fighting this same brutal war of the system allowing kids to be molested in the courtroom after they've already been molested by someone that professes to love them.
I understand that each state has differant rules, regs and policy. I speak of Michigan and it's terribly poorly run, poorly implemented, very very poorly financed.
Kids should be able to feel safe and loved, period.
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You are so right. It is all about money. We were offered some help from NJ (and we are grateful for that!) We were offered counseling (again, for a certain amount of time) but it is difficult. That is one reason for trying to pass this law.
In my situation, not only do I NOT get child support and the health coverage which was supposed to be provided for by this man, but, now with legal fees it is crazy. For most women (or men) who can't afford not having that income, they decide not to protect the child.
Fortunately I have a new husband who does not mind paying to protect the kids and a job where we make more money in a month than most people do in a year, so we have plenty to keep fighting. But not all families can do this.
All I want is for my kids to feel safe and free to enjoy being kids. Had I been told while I was in court that the sentencing would not be protecting these children - I would have started a year ago on this project!
I know we can't change everything but, with the baby steps of people like the Kana's who got Megan's law and the Lunsford's who just got Jessica's law passed we can at least start to protect kids more and more. I am not quitting on this one! :)
Have a great day.
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excathedra
i'm glad you won't quit
something i've been thinking about is how "nice" and/or "kind" child molesters are.... speaking of blood relatives....
it's very very difficult and confusing for a child
same with spiritual religious perverts
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Looks like I'm going to Washington D.C.! I'll update as soon as I get the plane ticket!
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nandon
its called prison.
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HAHAHAHAHAHHAA! Exactly!
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excathedra
believe it or not, to this day i love.... oh never mind too hard to explain
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I would like to add one thing - in case people are not aware of WHO this child molester is ... He was a Way Corps person - dropped years ago... he was still a part of the Ministry when he was first arrested.
He lied to his leadership here in GA and told them that he was going to jail for not paying child support. I was considered the one "off the Word" because I stopped going to fellowships a long time ago.... When they found out that he was a child molester - the ministery believer's were mean to our family. (My children still had to go to school where ministry kids went...) They called us unloving for putting Mark in jail.
According to Mark's letter to my oldest son, Mark STILL communicates every week with believer's here in GA - he calls them and they tell him info on our family - I think he wrote "wink, wink, I have my ways in finding out about you guys.... I call believers every week and they fill me in" I personally find this creeepy.
You draw your own conclusions..... Just and FYI
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We have been working hard and getting involved in some great meetings... here is an update from an email we just received:
"we are very interested in helping to carry some legislation on the subject in the next session of the general assembly."
New law... HERE WE COME!
I am hoping to announce very soon what TV show I will be on!
Keep up the great work on getting me the signature pages - it is amazing the legal "powers that be" what we are bringing in!
Thanks for all your prayers and for keeping this going "out" to everyone on your emails!
Lisa
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