700 CLUB EMERGENCY SCRIPT TO BE USED IN A TIME OF NATIONAL CRISIS

[markomalley]

To: All Staff From: Justin Case, Director of Programming      The 700 Club is religious broadcasting's premier newsmagazine. As such, it is our responsibility to provide our viewers with the timeliest commentary possible regarding current events. Live television is always risky, especially when ad-libbed editorializing is involved. (Please refer to the recent "Chavez" memo.)      It is my hope that the use of this prepared script in a time of national crisis will help our founder organize his thoughts so as to prevent, or at least reduce, our program's quarterly public relations fiasco.

700 CLUB EMERGENCY SCRIPT TO BE USED IN A TIME OF NATIONAL CRISIS

Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to a special edition of The 700 Club. Everyone's thoughts and prayers, of course, are on the havoc caused by today's—

Please check one: natural disaster terror attack Supreme Court ruling stock market crash wardrobe malfunction

—which, you will recall, I predicted in my book—

Please check one: Bring it On Shout It From the Rooftops Courting Disaster The Ten Offenses The Life and Times of Danuta Rylko Soderman

—where I stated: "This is what happens to a nation that turns its back on God and allows its future to be dictated by the radical agenda of—

Please check one: the New World Order feminists homosexuals liberals Greasespot Cafe members

—and unless we repent now, more disasters could be on the way, including a—

Please check one: devastating hurricane season recession time of religious persecution Democrat in the White House another season of America's Funniest Home Videos

—so I encourage you today to do your part and—

Please check one: join The 700 Club write your Congressman take someone out stock up on cases of Pat's Age-Defying Diet Shake

Adopted from the Wittenburg Door