Getting Into Heaven

[oilfieldmedic]

A married couple after a few years of marriage discovered that the wife was ill.

After progressively getting worse, ending up bed ridden at home, she unfortunately passed away.

Upon meeting St Peter at the pearly gates, he asked her if she wants to get into heaven, she has to spell a word.

She asked, "What word"?

St Peter replies, "Spell Love"

"That's easy...L-O-V-E"

"C'mon in"

Years later as she was walking by the pearly gates , St Peter asks her to watch the gate for a few minutes while he takes a break. While at the gate the man she was married to dies, appears at the gate and is surprised to see his former wife.

She asks how the rest of his life went after she had died...he responds,

" Do you remember that nurse who took care of you, once we got you home from the hospital? Well, we got married, made a ton of money in the stock market, travelled the world and had a great life"

His former wife responds, " Honey that's great, I am glad you didn't sit around and mourn my death"

He asks then, "how do I get into heaven"?

She replies," Oh, its easy, just spell a word"

"Go ahead, tell me the word", he asks

Czechoslavakia!

[dmiller]

[dmiller]

Here's another good one ~~~

One Wish

A man was walking along the beach in California one day, thinking to himself and doing his best to sort out his life and pray for happiness. He stopped and looked up to the sky, looking for a sign of his faith, and said, "Oh Lord, if you are there... please grant me one wish."

Suddenly there was a crack of lightning in the sky and in a booming voice echoed from above, saying, "Man, you have done your best to be faithful, though you have not always succeeded. I will grant your prayer and offer you one wish."

The man looked out over the ocean, thought it over for a moment, and said, "I wish for you to build a bridge all the way to Hawaii, so I can drive over anytime I want to."

The voice boomed, "Think of what this would entail! The millions of tons of concrete and steel, the depths of the Pacific to build on... such a materialistic wish! I can certainly do it, as anything is in my power, but it would be better for your soul to put aside this desire for worldly things. Pray for a moment and think of another wish, a wish that would honor and glorify me."

The man sat down on the sand and thought about it. Finally he gazed upward and said, "Oh Lord, I have been married and divorced five times. I did not understand any of my wives, and every one said I was insensitive and ignorant..."

"Lord," he continued. "My wish is to understand women, to know how they feel, what they think, why they laugh and cry, and how I can truly make them happy." The man looked up at the sky, awaiting his answer. There was a minute of absolute silence... then another... and another.

Finally, the voice boomed, "You want two lanes or four on that bridge?"

[Sudo]

I was shocked, confused, bewildered

as I entered Heaven's door,

Not by the beauty of it all,

by the lights or its decor.

But it was the folks in Heaven

who made me sputter and gasp

the thieves, the liars, the sinners,

the alcoholics, the trash.

There stood the kid from seventh grade

who swiped my lunch money twice.

Next to him was my old neighbor

who never said anything nice.

Herb, who I always thought

was rotting away in hell,

was sitting pretty on cloud nine

looking incredibly well.

I nudged Jesus, "What's the deal?

I would love to hear Your take.

How'd all these sinners get up here?

God must've made a mistake.

And why's everyone so quiet,

so somber? Give me a clue."

"Hush, child," said He. "They're all in shock.

No one thought they'd see you."

sudo

[topoftheworld]

:D

[dmiller]