Ways to annoy a cop

[Ron G.]

1. When he talks to you, pretend you are deaf.

2. If he asks if you knew how fast you were going, say no, my speedometer only goes up to 120 mph.

3. Ask if you can see his gun.

4. When he says you aren't allowed, tell him I just wanted to see if mine was bigger.

5. Touch him.

6. Refer to him by his first name.

7. Pretend you are gay and ask him out.

8. When he says no, cry.

9. If he says yes, accuse him of sexual harassment.

10. If the cop is a woman, tell her how ugly she is, but in a nice way.

11 If he asks you to step out of the car, automatically throw yourself on the hood.

12. When he asks you to spread your legs, tell him you don't go that way.

13. When he puts the handcuffs on, say "Usually my dates buy me dinner first"

14. After you sign the ticket and give it to him, say "Oops! That's the wrong name."

15. When he goes to read you your rights, sing "La La La, I can't hear you!"

16. Trip and fall into him.

17. Before you sign the ticket, pick your nose. You have to sign with his pen.

18. Clean your ear with the pen.

(I did this once)

19. Ask if he has a daughter. If he says yes, say I thought the name sounded familiar.....

20. Act like you are retarded.

(I've done this before, too)

21. When he's telling you what you did wrong, start repeating him, quietly.

22. When he tells you to stop, say what are you talkin about, DUDE?

23. Ask if he watches Cops.

24. Talk to your hand.

25. When he frisks you, say You missed a spot, and grin.

26. When he asks to search your car, say there is no alcohol/drugs/weapons in my car, sir,

the last cop got them out.

27. If there is someone else in the car, talk to each other in tongues

(I did this once during my WOW year....BIG fun)

[Cynic]

A cop pulls over a car he has clocked at 85 miles per hour in a 40 mph zone. He walks to the driver's window, and begins speaking to a young, disheveled and quite redneck-looking woman.

Cop: I need to see your license and registration.

Woman: I don't have a driver's license.

Cop: You don't have a driver's license?

Woman: No. I never was good at tests.

Cop: I still need the vehicle registration.

Woman: I don't know where the registration is. This car is stolen.

Cop: Ma'am, you need to move very slowly over to the passenger seat. I am going to remove the keys from the ignition, and I am going to have a look in the trunk.

Woman: The trunk? I'm not moving, and I'm not letting you look in the truck. I've got a dead body in the trunk.

The cop backs away several feet away from the car, unholsters his gun, and radios for backup. Several minutes pass. Five additional police cruisers arrive. More than a half-dozen police officers emerge from the cruisers, and take various tactical positions around the woman's car. After speaking to the cop, a police sergeant, gun in hand, walks over to the car's window.

Sergeant: I understand you don't have a driver's license.

Woman: Of course, I have a driver's license. (The woman hands the sergeant her driver's license.)

Sergeant: The officer who pulled you over said that after he asked you for the vehicle registration, you informed him this vehicle was stolen.

Woman: This is my car. Why would he say something like that? (She hands him the vehicle's registration.)

Sergeant: The officer says you also informed him there is a dead body in the truck.

Woman: What!!!

Sergeant: Ma'am, don't make any sudden movements. I'm going to have to look in your trunk.

Woman (Slowly hands her keys to the sergeant.): Help yourself! I figure that after you're done looking, you're going to tell me that crazy, lying sonofabitch over there said I was speeding, too.

Edited December 15, 2005 by Cynic

[Belle]

A guy runs a stop sign and gets caught by a police officer.

Cop says, “License and registration, please.”

Guy says, “What for?”

Cop says, “You didn’t come to a complete stop at the stop sign.”

Guy says, “I slowed down, and no one was coming.”

Cop says, “You didn’t come to a complete stop. License and registration, please.”

Guy says, “What’s the difference?”

Cop says, “The difference is, you have to come to a complete stop. License and registration, PLEASE!”

Guy says, “If you can show me the difference between slow down and stop, I’ll give you my license and registration.”

Cop says, “Exit your vehicle, sir.” The cop takes out his nightstick and

starts beating the ever-loving crap out of the guy.

“Now,” the cop says, “do you want me to stop or just slow down?”

[dmiller]

There’s this old man that had just bought a brand new sports car,

and he wanted to see how fast it would go.

So he gets out on the highway and kicks it up to about 70.

He thinks well, lets see if we can get it up to about 120 .

So he pushes on the gas and get up to about 85.

About that time a state trooper gets behind him.

So he speeds up to about 100, and continues to try and outrun the cop.

He gets to about 115 and gives up and pulls over.

The cop gets out of his car and walks up to the old man.

He says I only have 15 more minutes left on my shift and if your excuse is good enough

I’ll let you go without writing you a ticket.

The old man blurts out...

Well, About 5 years ago my wife ran off with a state trooper....

I thought you were bringing her back .....

[Watered Garden]

Three cars pull up to a stop sign. In the first car is a little old lady and in the third car is a state highway patrolman. Between them is a medium-sized sedan with many bumper stickers on the rear "Honk if you love Jesus", "WWJD", "In Case of Rapture This Car Will Be Unmanned," and the like.

The little old lady drops something in the car, and instead of proceeding on, she begins to fumble around on the seat. The man driving the middle car (with the bumper stickers) becomes impatient, then very impatient. Finally, he starts flashing his lights and blowing his horn. Eventually he rolls down his window and screams "GET THE ***** OUT OF THE ****** ROAD, YOU *****' ******* *******!" The little old lady drives off.

The state trooper promptly turns on his siren and lights and pulls the middle car over. The driver, still flustered, complains to the cop: "Did you see that idiot? Did you see the way she just SAT there? You should arrest her instead of harassing ME! I didn't do ANYTHING!"

The cop asks to see his license, registration, and proof of insurance, which the unhappy motorist produces reluctantly, still griping. The officer goes back to his car, gets on the radio, and after about 15 minutes returns to the bumper sticker-bedecked vehicle.

"You can go now, sir." he says, handing back the documentation.

"Why did you make me wait? What were you doing? I told you I didn't do anything!" The driver asked.

"Well, sir, I read your bumper stickers about Jesus coming back, and what would Jesus do, and after seeing the way you behaved toward that little old lady driver, I was sure this car must be stolen!"