I was going to put down a few, but, being as "The Devil's Dictionary" is available online, I thought I'd let my hero, Ambrose Bierce, speak for himself:
I do hope that people on this site know how to read a near-perfect "british" type of dry wit - And the stuffy folks are not put off by the title of the work...
Sorry to side step a little but I thought I would throw out this thought. For years I was told "Cleanliness is next to Godliness" I finally looked it up in the dictionary and found to my surprise that it's not. As a matter of fact it's right next to Cleavage.
LOL! Out There, you just reminded me of something Mama used to say when we were having little pity parties for ourselves about something stupid (or something stupid we got caught doing).... She'd say, "If you want Sympathy you can find it between Sh1t and Syphilis in the dictionary." Maybe I'l throw the cleavage one in for good measure. :D
Love the link, George!! My Daddy and uncle will get a kick out of these!
Socks, that's beautiful! I love that Mayer song, too.....One I don't mind running through my head. :)
Here is part of a poem I wrote when my wife and I found out that we had a fourth child on the way. For background though, I was working on this ship named the "Matanuska" whom we have nick named the "Mat".
We had come into port for a couple of hours and she came down for a visit. Also, I borrowed a little bit from the poem "The Cremation Of Sam McGhee" for the "chorus" part.
And so, here it is I'll have to name it sometime:
Strange things've been done under the Midnight Sun, but this one happened at sea.
It was on board the "Mat", that I found out that, our fourth kid was comin to be...
I was workin' the Matanuska when my lovely wife came, to see me, to have breakfast, to chat.
But boy was it surprisin' when from her purse she brought, a home pregnancy test kit,
my dismayed mind screamed; "Not!"
"Oh yes she said, remember that time, we did it up in the bow? How fun it was to be "sneakin around", 'cause we had to have it now? It coulda been then, it could been later, but one thing is for sure, I don' know what to do, so I'm comin to you, could it be, we're gonna have one more?
And so up foward we went to the port womens head, for this test had better be tried. But I knew in my heart, right from the start, that the "rabbitt had already died". I waited outside, looking over the rail, as an eagle flew over my head.
And when she emerged and stepped out on the deck, from the look on her face I could tell...that she was "pg", that there would not be "just three", and I thought to myself, "oh hell!"
Nine months of her pregnant! And no sleepin at night! Then three years of diapers and such! "Could it be you're mistaken and read the thing wrong? Could the test be off "just a touch"? "Oh no" said she, "for this test just comfirms it, I've been late for three weeks and I've known".
So I put my arm 'round her and we stared at the bay, and that eagle flew over once more. And then with a grin, as our thoughts settled in, I said this ain't so bad, in fact it's real cool! I wonder who it's going to be?
If it's a girl she'll be "Mattie", named after my ship! And if a boy, we'll find us a name! We'll call him "Samson" or "Granite", or "Boulder Clay Nye", something with substance you see!
Strange things've been done under the Midnight Sun, but this one happened at sea.
It was on board the "Mat", that I found out that, our fourth kid was comin whoo-ee!
Well, it turned out to be Luke McKenzie. He's nine now...
In my spousel bereavement group, we were discussing how the complexities of grief cannot be understood until experienced, and my fellow widow-in-arms said, “it’s like the old Italian proverb…Only the spoon knows how hot the soup really is.”
forgive me for not reading the thread except for karmie's last one lmao
when my father turned 75 (he died at 77 five months ago when i flipped out here), we had a birthday party for him. well his wife did. but my mom came and her husband and all us kids. my oldest sister made us write down on a piece of paper one good thing we remembered about him. ouch our heads hurt. but we all did it and put our incidents / memories in a jar and presented it to him.
"I'm gonna burn down the house and leave by the light of the fire."
"Hard work can be fun, but it's a rotten way to make a living."
"Find a woman who'll cook, one who'll clean, one who'll always be honest and one who'll take good care of kids, and make sure these 4 women never meet."
"Tuff titty said the kitty, but the milk's still good."
Just thought I'd toss these in. He was very wise. I'll add more as I think of them.
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act2
Some that I remember as a kid:
Don't count your chickens before they hatch.
Make hay while the sun shines.
I scream, we all scream for ice cream.
Ok, I will try to remember more.
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socks
Good is where you find it.........(good things can come in unexpected ways)
Fathers be good to your daughters
Daughters will love like you do
Girls become lovers who turn into mothers
So mothers be good to your daughters too.........(John Mayer)
My wife gave me a card the day we were married, with a short poem, that I've since had framed.
The poem goes:
It was so very long ago
That we first met and said hello.
Little did I know that day
That you would steal my heart away...
To which I've added the lines:
I'm so glad it was because you've always taken such good care of it.
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coolchef1248 @adelphia.net
silly but ....
my love for you shall never fail
as long as a puppy has a tail
and if that tail is cut in two
that won't stop me
from loving you1
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George Aar
I was going to put down a few, but, being as "The Devil's Dictionary" is available online, I thought I'd let my hero, Ambrose Bierce, speak for himself:
http://www.alcyone.com/max/lit/devils/
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Too Gray Now
George...
That link was FANTASTIC - -
Thanks...
I do hope that people on this site know how to read a near-perfect "british" type of dry wit - And the stuffy folks are not put off by the title of the work...
If they are... it is their loss...
Thanks again!!!
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Out There
Sorry to side step a little but I thought I would throw out this thought. For years I was told "Cleanliness is next to Godliness" I finally looked it up in the dictionary and found to my surprise that it's not. As a matter of fact it's right next to Cleavage.
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coolchef1248 @adelphia.net
out there
too funny!gotta love that cleavage!
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Belle
LOL! Out There, you just reminded me of something Mama used to say when we were having little pity parties for ourselves about something stupid (or something stupid we got caught doing).... She'd say, "If you want Sympathy you can find it between Sh1t and Syphilis in the dictionary." Maybe I'l throw the cleavage one in for good measure. :D
Love the link, George!! My Daddy and uncle will get a kick out of these!
Socks, that's beautiful! I love that Mayer song, too.....One I don't mind running through my head. :)
Act2, those are priceless. Thank you!
Chef, I love the puppy tail poem!
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oilfieldmedic
This one may be too simplistic, but I always enjoyed hearing it...
"I love you and I am so proud of you"!
...or proud of your cleavage? Whatever...LOL
Great idea!
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Belle
Awwwww, that's great! I like it. :)
Don't know if Daddy would be proud of my cleavage, though. He'd be more concerned about me NOT sharing any cleavage, I think. ;)
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bowtwi
Well hell, Belle! My momma said a bunch of stuff.
EVERYbody likes a little as*, but NOBODY likes a smartas*.
Do as I say, not as I do. (as was pronounced like the word in the above quote)
You get what you pay for. (She passed away before the generic movement took effect)
She also said "Short woman who put detergent on top shelf may have to jump for Joy." That one really cracked her up.
She once named her cat FUBAR!
I guess these won't really help you, but I hope you're as amused as I am.
If I come across anything useful, I'll let ya know.
xoxo
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J0nny Ling0
Here is part of a poem I wrote when my wife and I found out that we had a fourth child on the way. For background though, I was working on this ship named the "Matanuska" whom we have nick named the "Mat".
We had come into port for a couple of hours and she came down for a visit. Also, I borrowed a little bit from the poem "The Cremation Of Sam McGhee" for the "chorus" part.
And so, here it is I'll have to name it sometime:
Strange things've been done under the Midnight Sun, but this one happened at sea.
It was on board the "Mat", that I found out that, our fourth kid was comin to be...
I was workin' the Matanuska when my lovely wife came, to see me, to have breakfast, to chat.
But boy was it surprisin' when from her purse she brought, a home pregnancy test kit,
my dismayed mind screamed; "Not!"
"Oh yes she said, remember that time, we did it up in the bow? How fun it was to be "sneakin around", 'cause we had to have it now? It coulda been then, it could been later, but one thing is for sure, I don' know what to do, so I'm comin to you, could it be, we're gonna have one more?
And so up foward we went to the port womens head, for this test had better be tried. But I knew in my heart, right from the start, that the "rabbitt had already died". I waited outside, looking over the rail, as an eagle flew over my head.
And when she emerged and stepped out on the deck, from the look on her face I could tell...that she was "pg", that there would not be "just three", and I thought to myself, "oh hell!"
Nine months of her pregnant! And no sleepin at night! Then three years of diapers and such! "Could it be you're mistaken and read the thing wrong? Could the test be off "just a touch"? "Oh no" said she, "for this test just comfirms it, I've been late for three weeks and I've known".
So I put my arm 'round her and we stared at the bay, and that eagle flew over once more. And then with a grin, as our thoughts settled in, I said this ain't so bad, in fact it's real cool! I wonder who it's going to be?
If it's a girl she'll be "Mattie", named after my ship! And if a boy, we'll find us a name! We'll call him "Samson" or "Granite", or "Boulder Clay Nye", something with substance you see!
Strange things've been done under the Midnight Sun, but this one happened at sea.
It was on board the "Mat", that I found out that, our fourth kid was comin whoo-ee!
Well, it turned out to be Luke McKenzie. He's nine now...
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Belle
I love it Jonny! I also happen to think it's very sweet and romantic. :wub: Your wife is one very special and lucky lady. :)
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pawtucket
"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by."
--Douglas Adams
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Hopefull
In my spousel bereavement group, we were discussing how the complexities of grief cannot be understood until experienced, and my fellow widow-in-arms said, “it’s like the old Italian proverb…Only the spoon knows how hot the soup really is.”
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Belle
I like both of those!
Paw, I'm afraid I might have to use that line with my boss sometime.... :unsure: Not sure how it'll be received, though.
Hopefull, that's a great way of putting it! I'll remember that one for sure!
Thanks, y'all!
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dmiller
Another one for your boss, Belle ---
We, the underpaid have done
SO much,
With SO little,
For SO long,
That we are now qualified to do
Practically ANYTHING
At ALL times
With NOTHING!
(That might not go over very well with him either, eh? ;)
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Belle
HA HA HA, David!
The boss might not appreciate it, but my co-workers surely will!!
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Catcup
"It's not what I have accomplished in this life that is so great;
it is what I have overcome."
W.E.B. DuBois
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karmicdebt
"That's what I get for putting all my eggs in one b@stard."
Dorothy Parker
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excathedra
forgive me for not reading the thread except for karmie's last one lmao
when my father turned 75 (he died at 77 five months ago when i flipped out here), we had a birthday party for him. well his wife did. but my mom came and her husband and all us kids. my oldest sister made us write down on a piece of paper one good thing we remembered about him. ouch our heads hurt. but we all did it and put our incidents / memories in a jar and presented it to him.
it's all good eh ?
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Ron G.
Some of my grandpa's favorites...
"I'm gonna burn down the house and leave by the light of the fire."
"Hard work can be fun, but it's a rotten way to make a living."
"Find a woman who'll cook, one who'll clean, one who'll always be honest and one who'll take good care of kids, and make sure these 4 women never meet."
"Tuff titty said the kitty, but the milk's still good."
Just thought I'd toss these in. He was very wise. I'll add more as I think of them.
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doojable
"Put (him or her) out of my misery...."
Anonymous
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J0nny Ling0
From my Dad if I was standing in the way of the TV;
"Jonny, even though you are a pain, you don't make a very good window"
And, when he was being "humourous";
"Jonny? You're good for two things: Good for nothin and no good at all..."
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