Katrina Victims: Thanks for Nothing Maryland

[markomalley]

A gift of generosity goes awry

Ties are broken when a vacant home offered to a displaced Katrina family is left in disarray

By Rona Marech and Mary Gail Hare

sun reporters

December 2, 2005

The Brown family of Louisiana fled Hurricane Katrina with nothing. The DiMaggio family and its Westminster church, the Firm Foundation Worship Center, had a vacant home and the desire to help.

But what seemed like a fortunate connection gradually dissolved into a flurry of accusations and bruised feelings.

Sandra and Keith Brown, who drove to Carroll County after the hurricane with seven of their eight children, say their hosts were patronizing and disrespectful. The DiMaggios said the Browns left the house in disarray and didn't appreciate all the community had done for them. The DiMaggios were stunned, they said, when they found the words "MD sucks" spray-painted on the new white siding on the home's exterior.

While cases of generosity gone awry are in the minority, disaster-relief experts say some misunderstanding and frustration are practically inevitable as people - even those with the best intentions - come to terms with what it means to help and be helped.

A man from Nashville, Tenn., who had opened his vacant retirement home to a family of Katrina evacuees said the family left the property damaged and filled with trash, an experience that he said "left a bad taste in my mouth."

In a Minnesota town, the story of two women who took in a family displaced by Katrina - highlighted on Good Morning America - ended unhappily, after tensions in the household led to the Louisiana family leaving.

"There are times when people expect a grateful victim," said Ande Miller, the executive director of National Voluntary Organizations Active in Disaster, a Virginia association of faith-based institutions and other disaster relief agencies.

"We don't always pay attention to the fact that they've had a terrible thing happen to them, and it's hard to be grateful when your home was just destroyed. You have to put in perspective what we're asking them to be grateful for."

It's unclear exactly how and when the relationship between the DiMaggios and the Browns unraveled. But most of the Brown family left for Louisiana on Sunday without so much as a "thank you" to the congregation, church members said.

When Firm Foundation Worship Center pastors and several members of the congregation visited the home shortly after the Sunday service, they found piles of donated clothing littering the porch. A trampoline lent to the children was slashed. A small hole around the electrical socket in the bathroom is now much larger. Trash, broken glass and clutter filled the house, said the DiMaggios, who have since cleaned up with help from volunteers.

"We gave them a house to live in for free, so that they could work and save their money to get back on their feet," said Marge DiMaggio. "They had nothing when they came, and we were happy to help them. We passed on donations that came to us for them." Donations included a car, a refrigerator, washing machine and clothing for the family.

Keith and Sandra Brown said two of their sons, who have found jobs and remained in Westminster, were planning to clean the house once the remaining family had moved out.

Elijah Brown, 19, helped with the cleaning Monday. Josh Brown, 22, who admitted spray painting the words on the house, has promised to remove the graffiti. It's unclear whether the two brothers, who are living with other volunteers, are going to stay in town.

"I am more grateful than anyone will ever know. People we hardly knew gave us so many things. I have thank-you cards ready. ... I really thought Maryland was beautiful, and I felt truly blessed," Sandra Brown said in a phone interview yesterday. But she said some church members continued to act like the house was their own and "treated my husband and me like children."

Rosalind Blakey, who connected the two families through her grassroots organization, Home Resources Services, said church members would "come into their house and not knock and tell them it was time to get up and not to sleep so late. ... Treating them as if they were their project or their assignment."

Paul Wilson, the executive director of Katrinahous ing.org, a Salt Lake City-based organization that helped connect thousands of donors with evacuees in need of housing, said he has received all-too-many after-the-fact e-mails from exasperated survivors and benefactors.

"You're going to have conflicts like this arise when people open their homes," Wilson said. "It's not fun to see the ugly side of humanity. It hasn't soured me, but it's not easy to bear a lot of this."

Carroll County's tempest has at least partially cooled, however. Most of the Browns, who didn't intend to stay in Maryland, are back home trying to rebuild. "You can try to make it as cozy as you can here for them, but their home was in Louisiana," Blakey said.

The DiMaggios said they're moving on.

"We are not discouraged, and this won't stop us from helping other people in need," said Marge DiMaggio.

"If you help 100 people and three of them don't treat you right," her husband said, "it doesn't stop you from helping."

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Fortunately, some folks like giving of themselves and their stuff for the pleasure of giving!

[likeaneagle]

My daughters company sent paid volunteers down to Louisiana to stock the stores. It was a long 6 days she said. She reported that she starting tearing as they entered town. It was totaly under ruins..there were things hanging in trees and the stench was unbelievable. The Security Guard at the store was a local. He told them horrifying stories. The store was located near the Levy. I wish he hadnt told her the stories cause she said she had trouble sleeping at night. He was in his home after the levy had broke and was getting ready to load his neighbor into his truck cause he was wheelchair bound. As he walked across the backyard he heard the water coming cause the levy broke. This first thing that washed up 2 him was 3 deceased children. He tied them to a fence so family or authorities would get them..how sad....what a nightmare.

[Digitalis]

Wow Mark thanks for the post.

Reading this newsletter leaves a bad taste in my mouth from both sides. The Brown family if having problems should not have resorted to destruction of their property.

on the other hand,

If church members were giving them unwanted wake up calls in the morning and trying to run there lives it makes me wander what some of there motives really were. Kind of reminds me of a group I onced belong to.

Digi

[TheHighWay]

I wondered when these kinds of stories would start to surface. After many, many "joint living" situations I experienced in twi, I know that not all people are compatible, and that so much depends on your expectations (on both sides). A little bit of willful unreasonableness on either side can quickly make for an unhappy ending. But as the church folks said, if you help lots of folks and a few complain, look that's life and it can't stop you from helping. Good for them for being so generous.

[Watered Garden]

There were all kinds of people displaced by the hurricanes. Undoubtedly some were wonderful people with bad luck. Some, however, appear to have been nasty littlejerks before the hurricane, and only became worse. The Browns were going to clean the house after they moved out? They were living in filthy conditions in a house that belonged to someone else? This makes me wonder if they were simply doing what they usually did, living in filth, sleeping in late, not working, and expecting, even demanding someone else take care of them.

As a former landlord, I have little sympathy for those who take advantage of kind people. And while perhaps the church people were too aggressive in wanting them to get up and find jobs, (they should have knocked) , I don't think this family should have expected to live there free forever.

[krys]

That's too bad. I also see both sides of the equation, but then again, those of us who were not there can easily see both sides cant we!

But I wish the givers had more patience than it seems they had. To me, that storm seems like a long time ago, and it was 4 months (almost). I don't think most of the displaced would be fully capacitive by now to do whatever they had to do to move on. If it were me that endured that set of circumstances, I'm not so sure I would be fully able to look for and hold down a job. I would be wondering, at least the first month or so.,..how temporary is this displacement....maybe I'll be home soon and I don't want to start a new job - I want to go back to the one I had (if I had one).

I think many of those who were displaced are still processing it all - - kind of as in post traumatic stress. Recovery from something catastrophic, especially when there was little or no warning (4 days and your house will be gone???) takes more time and support that this.

Of course I say this now, today after seeing things play out during the storm and with the benefit of hindsight. I have no idea what should have been properly "expected" or not at the time of the events.

There are no precedents for this event so everybody is on the same learning curve on this one.