A little military humor

[Jim]

I found this over on the Pershing missile vets Yahoo group. It's obviously skewed towards Marines, but it's still kinda funny. We'll have to see if Galen catches the part about the Navy.

US Marine Corps Rules:

1. Be courteous to everyone, friendly to no one.

2. Decide to be aggressive enough, quickly enough.

3. Have a plan.

4. Have a back-up plan, because the first one probably won't work.

5. Be polite. Be professional. But, have a plan to kill everyone you meet.

6. Do not attend a gunfight with a handgun whose caliber does not start with a "4."

7. Anything worth shooting is worth shooting twice. Ammo is cheap. Life is expensive.

8. Move away from your attacker. Distance is your friend. (lateral & diagonal preferred.)

9. Use cover or concealment as much as possible.

10. Flank your adversary when possible. Protect yours.

11. Always cheat; always win. The only unfair fight is the one you lose.

12. In ten years nobody will remember the details of caliber, stance, or tactics.They will only remember who lived.

13. If you are not shooting, you should be communicating your intention to shoot.

Navy SEAL's Rules:

1. Look very cool in sunglasses.

2. Kill every living thing within view.

3. Adjust speedo.

4. Check hair in mirror.

US Army Rangers Rules:

1. Walk in 50 miles wearing 75 pound rucksack while starving.

2. Locate individuals requiring killing.

3. Request permission via radio from "Higher" to perform killing.

4. Curse bitterly when mission is aborted.

5. Walk out 50 miles wearing a 75 pound rucksack while starving.

US Army Rules:

1. Select a new beret to wear.

2. Sew patch's on right shoulder.

3. Change the color of beret you decide to wear.

US Air Force Rules:

1. Have a cocktail.

2. Adjust temperature on air-conditioner.

3. See what's on HBO.

4. Ask "what is a gunfight?"

5. Request more funding from Congress with a "killer" Powerpoint presentation.

6. Wine & dine 'key' Congressmen, invite DOD & defense industry executives.

7. Receive funding, set up new command and assemble assets.

8. Declare the assets "strategic" and never deploy them operationally.

9. Hurry to make 1345 tee-time.

US Navy Rules:

1. Go to Sea.

2. Drink Coffee.

3. Watch porn.

4. Deploy the Marines

[Zshot]

ahhhh yes....

We must always remember the basic function of the military is:

To kill people and to break things.

[Raf]

Incorrect, ZShot.

The primary function of the military is to fight and win wars, which requires it to kill people and break things.

[Jim]

The primary function of the military is to fight and win wars, which requires it to kill people and break things.

As a Cold War veteran, I can testify that the primary function of the military is to fight or *deter* wars. We Pershing missilemen did it by keeping live, accurate missiles pointed at the Soviet Union. We never fired one in anger, but just like Galen on his sub, we never blinked either. I'm glad that particular era of history is over, but I'm also convinced we did the right thing.

Pretty much sucked the humor out of this thread... Sorry.

[Raf]

How about: deter or fight and win...

A military that deters a war has fulfilled its primary function.

A military that fails to deter but succeeds at fighting and winning has fulfilled its primary function.

A military that fails to deter but succeeds at fighting but fails at winning has not fulfilled its primary function.

But enough about France.

[dmiller]

US Navy Rules:

1. Go to Sea.

2. Drink Coffee.

3. Watch porn.

4. Deploy the Marines

Galen should have some interesting comments about this one! :P

[dmiller]

MILITARY FOOD CHAIN

A young Second Lieutenant approaches the crusty old CSM and asked about the origin of the commissioned officer insignias.

The CSM replied, "It's history and tradition ... First we give you a gold bar representing that you are very valuable and also malleable.

The silver bar also represents significant value, but is less malleable. When you make Captain, your value doubles, hence the two silver bars.

As a Colonel you soar over military masses, hence the eagle.

As a General, you are, obviously, a star. Does that answer your question?"

"Yes," said the Second Lieutenant, "but what about Majors and Lieutenant Colonels?"

"That goes waaaay back in history ... to the Garden of Eden even. You see we've always covered our pricks with leaves."