I want you to know I've never shot any one in my yard. I almost shot my wifes step brother standing at our front door. But thats not in the yard. (This realy doesn't count anyway because she was telling me to shot)
Besides my aim is real good. I came in second in my division at the shot last week end. Would have been first but I hurried one shot.
Guess I need to keep those wedding tips so I can post them at the on the door. Maybe I should include pictures with them just in case... Y'all don't know bout them thar rednecks.
Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles, even if the gun is loaded and the deer is in sight.
When approaching a four-way stop, the vehicle with the largest tires always has the right of way.
Never tow another car using pantyhose and duct tape.
When sending your wife down the road with a gas can, it is impolite to ask her to bring back beer.
Never relieve yourself from a moving vehicle, especially when driving.
Do not remove the seats from the car so that all your kids can fit in.
Do not lay rubber while traveling in a funeral procession.
- Redneck Personal Hygiene -
Unlike clothes and shoes, a toothbrush should never be a hand-me-down item.
If you have to vacuum the bed, it's time to change the sheets.
While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job that should be done in private using one's OWN truck keys.
Plucking unwanted nose hair is time-consuming work. A cigarette lighter and a small tolerance for pain can accomplish the same goal and save hours.
Note: Its a good idea to keep a bucket of water handy when using this method.
- Redneck Dining Out -
Remember to leave a generous tip for good service. After all, their mobile home costs just as much as yours.
- Redneck Entertaining in Your Home -
A centerpiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a taxidermist.
Do not allow the dog to eat at the table . . . no matter how good his manners are.
If your dog falls in love with a guest's leg, have the decency to leave them alone for a few minutes.
- Redneck Dating (Outside the Family) -
Always offer to bait your date's hook, especially on the first date.
Be aggressive. Let her know you are interested: "I've been wanting to go out with you since I read that stuff on the men's bathroom wall two years a go."
If a girl's name does not appear regularly on a bathroom wall, water tower, or an overpass, odds are good that the date will end in frustration.
- Redneck Theater Etiquette -
Crying babies should be taken to the lobby and picked up immediately after the movie has ended.
Refrain from talking to characters on the screen. Tests have proven they can't hear you.
- Redneck Wedding Etiquette -
Livestock is usually a poor choice for a wedding gift.
Its is not okay for the groom to bring a date to a wedding.
When dancing, never remove undergarments, no matter how hot it is.
A bridal veil made of window screen is not only cost effective but also a proven fly deterrent.
For the groom, at least rent a tux. A leisure suit with a cummerbund and a clean bowling shirt can create a natty appearance. Though uncomfortable, say yes to socks and shoes for this special occasion.
- Redneck Etiquette for All Occasions -
Never take a beer to a job interview or ask if they press charges.
Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them.
Always say "Excuse me" after getting sick in someone else's car.
It's considered tacky to take a cooler to church.
Even if you're certain that you are included in the will, it's considered tacky to drive a U-Haul to the funeral home.
The socially refined never fish coins out of public toilets, especially if other people are around.
Always provide an alibi to the police for family members.
What would have happened here if the topic had been "Gang Banger ettiquette, and then the wording had a decidedly "inner city African American" dialect depicting criminal gangbanger ways? Or, what if it had been the accent and dialect of inner city Hispanic Americans depicting gang violence? I know full well what would have happened. There would have been a major assault from "offended parties" crying racism and racial insensitivity.
And yet, being a white guy, I have no problem with the "redneck jokes" and things of this nature that have flown around the Internet for years. I have seen similar little "internet funnies" referring to "Southerners" and rednecks as stupid, ignorant, dirty, illiterate, and crass, just as this thread does. And it always amazed me that there was no "outcry' leveled against such insensitivity. So why is it that we can stereotype a group of Southern and Redneck Americans, and it is no problem? I mean, could you imagine the outcry here if someone said of Inner City Black People's hygiene (and I will quote) "4. If you have to vacuum the bed, it is time to change the sheets"? This would indicate that Inner City Black People are dirty, stupid, filthy human beings, and what an outcry there would be here.
This has always baffled me that the Southerner and the Redneck can be stereo typed this way with impunity, and we hardly hear a peep about it. I once got reproved by a fellow GSpot member (who is Hispanic) for using the term "wetback" when referring to a friend whom I helped to immigrate to the United States of America after I found out that he was an illegal alien! Hmm, let's see, what's worse, "Wetback" or Redneck?" The one refers to an illegal alien who is simply seeking Freedom which is an honorable thing, while the other refers to a fellow American as filthy ignorant bigoted trash.
And Sudo, I am not offended by this here, I just see that there is a weird double standard in this country as to whom we can ridicule, and whom we cannot.
And remember: A bridal veil made of window screen is not only cost effective but also a proven fly deterrent.
I guess all redneck girls stink so bad that they draw flies by the gazillions!
Speaking as a 'redneck' -- err being born in the South, its just fun humor, we KNOW that we are NOT STUPID, or ILLITERATE or any of those things, and we can poke some fun at ourselves. ITs up there with those 'polock', or 'blonde' jokes. They just replaced those words with 'Aggies' to poke fun at people who graduated from Texas A+M.
I see your point. Us Southerners never complain, we don't take it as PERSONAL or OFFENSIVE as other 'ethnic groups' would and so its OK.
Speaking as a 'redneck' -- err being born in the South, its just fun humor, we KNOW that we are NOT STUPID, or ILLITERATE or any of those things, and we can poke some fun at ourselves. ITs up there with those 'polock', or 'blonde' jokes.
Then again, being what do you call southerner with of a blonde mother of polish descent? :lol:
Now that is really funny....... And did they graduate from Texas A+M?
Oh BTW, I don't think Southern women STINK at ALL. We actually smell more like a yellow rose. :blink:
No one can get mad at someone when they direct their jokes at people of their own kind?
Perhaps thing might not be funny to anyone who takes life TOO SERIOUS?
I know better than to make fun of anyone directly by name., and don't feel it nice to poke fun at others in general. I think of these kind of jokes as more animated in nature, and the characters in the story lines as all being fictious.
Letter from a Farm Kid . . . Now at San Diego Marine Corps Recruit Depot
Dear Ma and Pa:
I am well. Hope you are. Tell Brother Walt and Brother Elmer the Marine Corps beats working for old man Minch by a mile. Tell them to join up quick before maybe all of the places are filled. I was restless at first because you got to stay in bed till nearly 6 a.m., but am getting so I like to sleep late.
Tell Walt and Elmer all you do before breakfast is smooth your cot and shine some things. No hogs to slop, feed to pitch, mash to mix, wood to split, fire to lay. Practically nothing. Men got to shave but it is not so bad, there's warm water.
Breakfast is strong on trimmings like fruit juice, cereal, eggs, bacon,etc.,but kind of weak on chops, potatoes, ham, steak, fried eggplant, pie and other regular food. But tell Walt and Elmer you can always sit by the two city boys that live on coffee. Their food plus yours holds you till noon when you get fed again. It's no wonder these city boys can't walk much.
We go on "route" marches, which the Platoon Sergeant says are long walks to harden us. If he thinks so, it is not my place to tell him different. A "route march" is about as far as to our mailbox at home. Then the city guys get sore feet and we all ride back in trucks. The country is nice, but awful flat.
The Sergeant is like a schoolteacher. He nags some. The Capt. is like the school board. Majors and Colonels just ride around and frown. They don't bother you none. This next will kill Walt and Elmer with laughing. I keep getting medals for shooting. I don't know why. The bulls-eye is near as big as a chipmunk head and don't move. And it ain't shooting at you, like the Higgett boys at home. All you got to do is lie there all comfortable and hit it. You don't even load your own cartridges. They come in boxes.
Then we have what they call hand-to-hand combat training. You get to wrestle with them city boys. I have to be real careful though, they break real easy. It ain't like fighting with that ole bull at home. I'm about the best they got in this except for that Tug Jordan from over in Silver Lake. He joined up the same time as me. But I'm only 5'6" and 130 pounds and he's 6'8" and weighs near 300 pounds dry.
Be sure to tell Walt and Elmer to hurry and join before other fellers get onto this setup and come stampeding in.
DMiller, now that was funny. It has just always bugged me that we can take such humor in stride, but when it comes to minorotie groups, we have to walk on eggshells, or be crucified if we don't...
I dunno, JL, I suspect by and large most people aren't offended at the jokes, regardless of race - especially if the one telling it is of the same ethnic background that is being poked fun at.
Being Jewish and Polish, as well as having grown up in the upper penninsula of Michigan (which is where all the northern "rednecks" are from), I find most jokes that poke fun at stereotypes funny. I guess I see them as a way of showing how silly (and therefore inaccurate) the stereotypes really are.
and while I'm here
What does Bill Clinton say right after he get laid?
Honestly, I have to agree with you Abigail. It just is weird to me that other ethnic groups other than "rednecks" can be so ridiculous about things like that. I too believe that poking fun at any group should be okay. I guess i was just using this particular thread to bring up the idiocy of those who are so damned oversensitive...
We have a certain ethnic group here in Alaska who have a high incidence of incestual child abuse. And so, what does a girl from ____ say after she makes love?
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ex70sHouston
I want you to know I've never shot any one in my yard. I almost shot my wifes step brother standing at our front door. But thats not in the yard. (This realy doesn't count anyway because she was telling me to shot)
Besides my aim is real good. I came in second in my division at the shot last week end. Would have been first but I hurried one shot.
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jetc57
I knew I could get a 'rise' out of ya! :P
Course ya know I was just kiddin' ya? :blink:
I thought the post would get you to laugh, did it work?
;) You ARE the nicest 'redneck' I know!!! But ya do scare me with all those Guns and Ammo. :lol:
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moony3424
Guess I need to keep those wedding tips so I can post them at the on the door. Maybe I should include pictures with them just in case... Y'all don't know bout them thar rednecks.
Edited by moony3424Link to comment
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Sudo
- Redneck Driving Etiquette -
Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles, even if the gun is loaded and the deer is in sight.
When approaching a four-way stop, the vehicle with the largest tires always has the right of way.
Never tow another car using pantyhose and duct tape.
When sending your wife down the road with a gas can, it is impolite to ask her to bring back beer.
Never relieve yourself from a moving vehicle, especially when driving.
Do not remove the seats from the car so that all your kids can fit in.
Do not lay rubber while traveling in a funeral procession.
- Redneck Personal Hygiene -
Unlike clothes and shoes, a toothbrush should never be a hand-me-down item.
If you have to vacuum the bed, it's time to change the sheets.
While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job that should be done in private using one's OWN truck keys.
Plucking unwanted nose hair is time-consuming work. A cigarette lighter and a small tolerance for pain can accomplish the same goal and save hours.
Note: Its a good idea to keep a bucket of water handy when using this method.
- Redneck Dining Out -
Remember to leave a generous tip for good service. After all, their mobile home costs just as much as yours.
- Redneck Entertaining in Your Home -
A centerpiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a taxidermist.
Do not allow the dog to eat at the table . . . no matter how good his manners are.
If your dog falls in love with a guest's leg, have the decency to leave them alone for a few minutes.
- Redneck Dating (Outside the Family) -
Always offer to bait your date's hook, especially on the first date.
Be aggressive. Let her know you are interested: "I've been wanting to go out with you since I read that stuff on the men's bathroom wall two years a go."
If a girl's name does not appear regularly on a bathroom wall, water tower, or an overpass, odds are good that the date will end in frustration.
- Redneck Theater Etiquette -
Crying babies should be taken to the lobby and picked up immediately after the movie has ended.
Refrain from talking to characters on the screen. Tests have proven they can't hear you.
- Redneck Wedding Etiquette -
Livestock is usually a poor choice for a wedding gift.
Its is not okay for the groom to bring a date to a wedding.
When dancing, never remove undergarments, no matter how hot it is.
A bridal veil made of window screen is not only cost effective but also a proven fly deterrent.
For the groom, at least rent a tux. A leisure suit with a cummerbund and a clean bowling shirt can create a natty appearance. Though uncomfortable, say yes to socks and shoes for this special occasion.
- Redneck Etiquette for All Occasions -
Never take a beer to a job interview or ask if they press charges.
Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them.
Always say "Excuse me" after getting sick in someone else's car.
It's considered tacky to take a cooler to church.
Even if you're certain that you are included in the will, it's considered tacky to drive a U-Haul to the funeral home.
The socially refined never fish coins out of public toilets, especially if other people are around.
Always provide an alibi to the police for family members.
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jetc57
Sudo,
I'm trying real hard to figger out what YOU wrote that wasn't in the FIRST Post!!!
:blink:
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Sudo
Jetc57,
Uh, the order???
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J0nny Ling0
Umm, sorry to get political here, but....
What would have happened here if the topic had been "Gang Banger ettiquette, and then the wording had a decidedly "inner city African American" dialect depicting criminal gangbanger ways? Or, what if it had been the accent and dialect of inner city Hispanic Americans depicting gang violence? I know full well what would have happened. There would have been a major assault from "offended parties" crying racism and racial insensitivity.
And yet, being a white guy, I have no problem with the "redneck jokes" and things of this nature that have flown around the Internet for years. I have seen similar little "internet funnies" referring to "Southerners" and rednecks as stupid, ignorant, dirty, illiterate, and crass, just as this thread does. And it always amazed me that there was no "outcry' leveled against such insensitivity. So why is it that we can stereotype a group of Southern and Redneck Americans, and it is no problem? I mean, could you imagine the outcry here if someone said of Inner City Black People's hygiene (and I will quote) "4. If you have to vacuum the bed, it is time to change the sheets"? This would indicate that Inner City Black People are dirty, stupid, filthy human beings, and what an outcry there would be here.
This has always baffled me that the Southerner and the Redneck can be stereo typed this way with impunity, and we hardly hear a peep about it. I once got reproved by a fellow GSpot member (who is Hispanic) for using the term "wetback" when referring to a friend whom I helped to immigrate to the United States of America after I found out that he was an illegal alien! Hmm, let's see, what's worse, "Wetback" or Redneck?" The one refers to an illegal alien who is simply seeking Freedom which is an honorable thing, while the other refers to a fellow American as filthy ignorant bigoted trash.
And Sudo, I am not offended by this here, I just see that there is a weird double standard in this country as to whom we can ridicule, and whom we cannot.
And remember: A bridal veil made of window screen is not only cost effective but also a proven fly deterrent.
I guess all redneck girls stink so bad that they draw flies by the gazillions!
Edited by Jonny LingoLink to comment
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jetc57
Speaking as a 'redneck' -- err being born in the South, its just fun humor, we KNOW that we are NOT STUPID, or ILLITERATE or any of those things, and we can poke some fun at ourselves. ITs up there with those 'polock', or 'blonde' jokes. They just replaced those words with 'Aggies' to poke fun at people who graduated from Texas A+M.
I see your point. Us Southerners never complain, we don't take it as PERSONAL or OFFENSIVE as other 'ethnic groups' would and so its OK.
J
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moony3424
Then again, being what do you call southerner with of a blonde mother of polish descent? :lol:
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jetc57
Now that is really funny....... And did they graduate from Texas A+M?
Oh BTW, I don't think Southern women STINK at ALL. We actually smell more like a yellow rose. :blink:
No one can get mad at someone when they direct their jokes at people of their own kind?
Perhaps thing might not be funny to anyone who takes life TOO SERIOUS?
I know better than to make fun of anyone directly by name., and don't feel it nice to poke fun at others in general. I think of these kind of jokes as more animated in nature, and the characters in the story lines as all being fictious.
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dmiller
:lol: :lol: :lol:
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dmiller
And here is how easy it is to turn a *redneck* joke,
into a *blueneck* joke ---
instead of Luther, Billy Bob and Earline, now we have Sven, Ole, and Lena.
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J0nny Ling0
DMiller, now that was funny. It has just always bugged me that we can take such humor in stride, but when it comes to minorotie groups, we have to walk on eggshells, or be crucified if we don't...
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Abigail
I dunno, JL, I suspect by and large most people aren't offended at the jokes, regardless of race - especially if the one telling it is of the same ethnic background that is being poked fun at.
Being Jewish and Polish, as well as having grown up in the upper penninsula of Michigan (which is where all the northern "rednecks" are from), I find most jokes that poke fun at stereotypes funny. I guess I see them as a way of showing how silly (and therefore inaccurate) the stereotypes really are.
and while I'm here
What does Bill Clinton say right after he get laid?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
"I'll be home in about 20 minutes, Hillary"
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dmiller
Da Creation of Da Upper Peninsula
In the beginning dere was nuttin'.
Den...
On da FIRST day, God created da UP.
On da SECOND day, He created da partridge, da deer, da bear, da fish, and da ducks.
On da THIRD day, He said "Let dere be Yoopers to roam da Upper Peninsula."
On da FOURTH day, God created da udder world down below.
On da FIFTH day, He said "Let dere be trolls to live in da udder world down below."
On da SIXTH day, He created da bridge, so da trolls would have a way to get to heaven.
God saw it was good and on da SEVENTH day, He went huntin'.
;)
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J0nny Ling0
Honestly, I have to agree with you Abigail. It just is weird to me that other ethnic groups other than "rednecks" can be so ridiculous about things like that. I too believe that poking fun at any group should be okay. I guess i was just using this particular thread to bring up the idiocy of those who are so damned oversensitive...
We have a certain ethnic group here in Alaska who have a high incidence of incestual child abuse. And so, what does a girl from ____ say after she makes love?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Get off of me Dad, you're crushin my smokes...
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Raf
An amnesiac duck meets up with an amnesiac skunk.
"Hey, maybe you can help me figure out what I am," the duck says to the skunk.
The skunk looks at the duck and says, "Hmm, let's see. You've got feathers, you can swim, you can fly, and you quack. I think you're a duck!"
"Oh, thank you!" the duck says. "How can I repay you?"
"Well," the skunk says, "you can help me figure out what I am."
"Sure," says the duck. "Let's see. You're black. You're white. You stink. You're a Latino!"
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Raf
P.S.
Jonny, my serious reply to your post is on the politics thread.
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