Re: the title of this thread...and a truly honest question...have you ever thought of posting yours here?
Re: the rest of the post...evidently the neighbor acted right away and called the police. I wonder if there had been any prior incidents or evidence of trouble in this home that may have been discarded. I'm not asking you because I realize this is an AP news story, and it is possible you may know no more than I know, which is what is written in the story.
I wouldn't say that. I have seen good words for you on numerous threads. "Why some people don't get the abuse stories" currently on page 3 of "About the Way" is one good example I can think of, but that is by far not alone in threads showing support for you.
Some people may fit into the category you describe above. And, using my personal putting-myself-in-the-other-person's-shoes-as-best-I-can technique, I can see how those people, even if it were just a couple, might hurt extra big. Plus I have no idea how people think ouside the GS world. But it is certainly not true of GSers in general. You certainly have gotten plenty of support here.
I guess it all depends on what you do with what life give you.
I identified with the story also. I decided that I would combine what I had experienced with my love of learning. I'm back in school studying to become a paralegal so that I could help other victims of domestic violence become survivors like myself.
While you are going through all of the emotional turmoil, it's hard to keep the level head you need in order to go through all the legal crap. I had a lot of help going through with the help of the D.V. support & D.V. legal aide and this way I can give back.
Understandable, Ex. Very understandable. It can be very hard to trust someome in personal matters, most especially when they are anonymous handles just communicating over the internet.
But it works both ways. And we can't expect to be trusted by people we don't trust. That is true no matter how valid the reasons are for the mistrust.
By the way, as Paul Harvey says, here's the rest of the story...well, some more of it anyway. I hope this works; I have rarely posted links.
Thank you Lifted Up for the link. Even though the police say that there wasn't any physical violence, that doesn't mean that there wasn't any before the woman was killed. Unfortunately, she didn't leave the situation before it escalated to the point where she died.
Every person that's in an abusive situation needs to know that there is always the potential that it may escalate to that point and to get out before it does. Like the Bible says, "Does a leopard change his stripes?" Once it starts, it usually only gets worse, because it's a not a violence thing with the abuser, it's a question of power. They have a need for absolute power in the situation. If they think for one moment that they don't have it, that's when trouble starts (or escalates). It's up to the abused to make the move to break the cycle. Unfortunately, when that happens, things get worse before it get better, because the abuser relalizes that they are losing the power that they need.
In my situation, he was never arrested for violence until after I got an injunction against him. After that, he has been arrested several times. He just got off probation this last time not too long ago. As of now, I don't believe he knows where I live, as I moved about a year ago. I just have to believe (but at the same time be realistic) that he may have gotten on with his life as I have.
It's up to the abused to make the move to break the cycle. Unfortunately, when that happens, things get worse before it get better, because the abuser relalizes that they are losing the power that they need.
...which is why that anyone who thinks disparagingly that it is partly the abused's fault for not leaving the relationship should remember your words above, put themself mentally in the abused person's place, and realize that the person may be trapped into fearing for her life no matter what move she makes.
in 1960 when i was 4 years old there was no such animal as 911. i actually knew the police dept.'s whole phone number by heart. and i could "dial" it faster than $*@!. no push buttons then either.
i'm trying to edit this because they won't let me say s h i t here
i want to claryify something. my mom is not dead, thank you god
when i was entering the way corps program, my father told her, thank god she's going far away, now i can board up the all the windows in the house and finally kill you
but i moved her out before i left for emporia
i felt it was the least i could do
so i only lived in fear of him killing her for about 20 years....
The story says she signed him out of a mental institution a year ago just before they were married. Obviously she trusted him and therefore believed whatever he said. Just as obviously, she would have been better off(understatement) not to.
You can't believe someone you don't trust.
And it's hard to be trusted by someone you don't trust.
and they knew each other as live people...not just as cyberspace handles.
Exactly. And I can only repeat what I posted earlier, on the post where I posted the link...
Understandable, Ex. Very understandable. It can be very hard to trust someome in personal matters, most especially when they are anonymous handles just communicating over the internet.
But it works both ways. And we can't expect to be trusted by people we don't trust. That is true no matter how valid the reasons are for the mistrust.
And as long as I mentioned that link, here is another one, as there has been a fair amount of info posted on this story. I will not comment on the defense itself...post traumatic stress disorder rooted in desert Storm...because I do not know much about that. But it doesn't make any difference to the victims, does it?
There is a note in this story about there having been domestic problems, but "there was never any physical violence". Three things about this statement: The story also notes that he kept her isolated, so can they know that there was NEVER any physical violence? Secondly, (admitted speculation here) can we trust such a statement coming from those who would lose much if it were learned there were violence and little was done? Thirdly, the scars of abuse that is not physical, though less evident to the eyes, can be as great as physical violence or a precurser to it.
I guess I shouldnt say as great without exception. Obviously in this case there will be no recovery from the physical violence for the victim.
Verbal abuse can do as much, sometimes even more damage as physical. The mind takes a lot longer to heal of it's wounds than the body, for the majority of people. (Speaking only of physical abuse, short of death or anything close to it, of course.) Most of us are living proof of that, as we have struggled to overcome the lies TWI told us and we believed for many years or even decades.
When stuck in a marriage with verbal abuse, the abuser can much more easily hide the abuse from outsiders, as words don't leave marks on the body. Verbal abuse is much harder to prove to outsiders also, as you have nothing to 'show' for it, unless they see it as it happens, which the abuser will never allow. They are sweet as can be when anyone else is around to hear their words.
The victim, just like a victim of physical abuse, learns to never show the pain, how to hide it well from others, how to smile and say everything is just fine. Very few will ever guess anything is wrong, unless he or she chooses to reveal the truth. It's never good to talk, until you are assured you have a way to escape the hell, for fear of what will happen if you are discovered talking and acting out. The fine line between mental and physical abuse is fairly easy for the abuser to cross if it's pressed by the victim.
I love you Excie. I'm sorry I missed this thread when you started it. I feel your pain sweetie, but you already know that don't you? I really don't need to tell you that.
Earlier you posted that in 1960 you were four years old...which makes us pretty close to my age and probably means we got in the twi around the same time... just curious if 1975 or that time frame sounds close to you. I'm ex 8th corps and haven't been in touch for 20 years - just found this website by mistake.
Earlier you posted that in 1960 you were four years old...which makes us pretty close to my age and probably means we got in the twi around the same time... just curious if 1975 or that time frame sounds close to you. I'm ex 8th corps and haven't been in touch for 20 years - just found this website by mistake.
You sound like me about 6 months ago Rummie ... I happened upon this site and have found a few I knew from way back. I left in '86 as well, and took piffle in '75 in Illinois. I sorta kept in touch with a few people for a few years, but almost completely forgot about wayfers for the most part. I was in the 9th corps ... I think excie is younger than us :) a little anyway ... good to see you here ...
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Lifted Up
Re: the title of this thread...and a truly honest question...have you ever thought of posting yours here?
Re: the rest of the post...evidently the neighbor acted right away and called the police. I wonder if there had been any prior incidents or evidence of trouble in this home that may have been discarded. I'm not asking you because I realize this is an AP news story, and it is possible you may know no more than I know, which is what is written in the story.
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excathedra
yes i have thought of it
and thank you for replying to my post
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excathedra
plus i don't think people really give a fying fluck about my story
peace
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Lifted Up
I wouldn't say that. I have seen good words for you on numerous threads. "Why some people don't get the abuse stories" currently on page 3 of "About the Way" is one good example I can think of, but that is by far not alone in threads showing support for you.
Some people may fit into the category you describe above. And, using my personal putting-myself-in-the-other-person's-shoes-as-best-I-can technique, I can see how those people, even if it were just a couple, might hurt extra big. Plus I have no idea how people think ouside the GS world. But it is certainly not true of GSers in general. You certainly have gotten plenty of support here.
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excathedra
i guess the truth of the matter is i don't want to give that much of myself away. i mean, yes i have done it in bits and pieces, but that's it....
don't really trust people
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moony3424
I guess it all depends on what you do with what life give you.
I identified with the story also. I decided that I would combine what I had experienced with my love of learning. I'm back in school studying to become a paralegal so that I could help other victims of domestic violence become survivors like myself.
While you are going through all of the emotional turmoil, it's hard to keep the level head you need in order to go through all the legal crap. I had a lot of help going through with the help of the D.V. support & D.V. legal aide and this way I can give back.
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Lifted Up
Understandable, Ex. Very understandable. It can be very hard to trust someome in personal matters, most especially when they are anonymous handles just communicating over the internet.
But it works both ways. And we can't expect to be trusted by people we don't trust. That is true no matter how valid the reasons are for the mistrust.
By the way, as Paul Harvey says, here's the rest of the story...well, some more of it anyway. I hope this works; I have rarely posted links.
More details
Hey, I did it right I guess. And there was a history.
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moony3424
Thank you Lifted Up for the link. Even though the police say that there wasn't any physical violence, that doesn't mean that there wasn't any before the woman was killed. Unfortunately, she didn't leave the situation before it escalated to the point where she died.
Every person that's in an abusive situation needs to know that there is always the potential that it may escalate to that point and to get out before it does. Like the Bible says, "Does a leopard change his stripes?" Once it starts, it usually only gets worse, because it's a not a violence thing with the abuser, it's a question of power. They have a need for absolute power in the situation. If they think for one moment that they don't have it, that's when trouble starts (or escalates). It's up to the abused to make the move to break the cycle. Unfortunately, when that happens, things get worse before it get better, because the abuser relalizes that they are losing the power that they need.
In my situation, he was never arrested for violence until after I got an injunction against him. After that, he has been arrested several times. He just got off probation this last time not too long ago. As of now, I don't believe he knows where I live, as I moved about a year ago. I just have to believe (but at the same time be realistic) that he may have gotten on with his life as I have.
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Lifted Up
...which is why that anyone who thinks disparagingly that it is partly the abused's fault for not leaving the relationship should remember your words above, put themself mentally in the abused person's place, and realize that the person may be trapped into fearing for her life no matter what move she makes.
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excathedra
i was the daughter though younger
i think since my dad died very recently, the article freaked me out more than it might have
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Sunesis
That's horrific excath - I honestly don't know what to say.
You have been in pain for years and self-medicating the hurt away.
Have you ever thought you may have post-traumatic stress syndrome? It amazes me how human beings survive things like this.
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excathedra
i love you, sunesis
in 1960 when i was 4 years old there was no such animal as 911. i actually knew the police dept.'s whole phone number by heart. and i could "dial" it faster than $*@!. no push buttons then either.
i'm trying to edit this because they won't let me say s h i t here
S
H
I
T
good....inglord
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excathedra
i want to claryify something. my mom is not dead, thank you god
when i was entering the way corps program, my father told her, thank god she's going far away, now i can board up the all the windows in the house and finally kill you
but i moved her out before i left for emporia
i felt it was the least i could do
so i only lived in fear of him killing her for about 20 years....
and many nights in my dreams
to this day
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Lifted Up
The story says she signed him out of a mental institution a year ago just before they were married. Obviously she trusted him and therefore believed whatever he said. Just as obviously, she would have been better off(understatement) not to.
You can't believe someone you don't trust.
And it's hard to be trusted by someone you don't trust.
and they knew each other as live people...not just as cyberspace handles.
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GeorgeStGeorge
Of course we do, Excie. We also respect your right NOT to reveal it, if you so choose.
George
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Lifted Up
Exactly. And I can only repeat what I posted earlier, on the post where I posted the link...
And as long as I mentioned that link, here is another one, as there has been a fair amount of info posted on this story. I will not comment on the defense itself...post traumatic stress disorder rooted in desert Storm...because I do not know much about that. But it doesn't make any difference to the victims, does it?
There is a note in this story about there having been domestic problems, but "there was never any physical violence". Three things about this statement: The story also notes that he kept her isolated, so can they know that there was NEVER any physical violence? Secondly, (admitted speculation here) can we trust such a statement coming from those who would lose much if it were learned there were violence and little was done? Thirdly, the scars of abuse that is not physical, though less evident to the eyes, can be as great as physical violence or a precurser to it.
I guess I shouldnt say as great without exception. Obviously in this case there will be no recovery from the physical violence for the victim.
Well, enough babbling I guess. Here's the link.
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BikerBabe
Verbal abuse can do as much, sometimes even more damage as physical. The mind takes a lot longer to heal of it's wounds than the body, for the majority of people. (Speaking only of physical abuse, short of death or anything close to it, of course.) Most of us are living proof of that, as we have struggled to overcome the lies TWI told us and we believed for many years or even decades.
When stuck in a marriage with verbal abuse, the abuser can much more easily hide the abuse from outsiders, as words don't leave marks on the body. Verbal abuse is much harder to prove to outsiders also, as you have nothing to 'show' for it, unless they see it as it happens, which the abuser will never allow. They are sweet as can be when anyone else is around to hear their words.
The victim, just like a victim of physical abuse, learns to never show the pain, how to hide it well from others, how to smile and say everything is just fine. Very few will ever guess anything is wrong, unless he or she chooses to reveal the truth. It's never good to talk, until you are assured you have a way to escape the hell, for fear of what will happen if you are discovered talking and acting out. The fine line between mental and physical abuse is fairly easy for the abuser to cross if it's pressed by the victim.
I love you Excie. I'm sorry I missed this thread when you started it. I feel your pain sweetie, but you already know that don't you? I really don't need to tell you that.
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excathedra
yes i know and i love you too
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RumRunner
Earlier you posted that in 1960 you were four years old...which makes us pretty close to my age and probably means we got in the twi around the same time... just curious if 1975 or that time frame sounds close to you. I'm ex 8th corps and haven't been in touch for 20 years - just found this website by mistake.
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rhino
You sound like me about 6 months ago Rummie ... I happened upon this site and have found a few I knew from way back. I left in '86 as well, and took piffle in '75 in Illinois. I sorta kept in touch with a few people for a few years, but almost completely forgot about wayfers for the most part. I was in the 9th corps ... I think excie is younger than us :) a little anyway ... good to see you here ...
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BikerBabe
Now, now Rhino, you've been hanging in chat with the ladies long enough to know we are all 29again. It's you men that are the old farts. :P
Welcome to the cafe RumRunner. Feel free to stop in chat at night and join us sometime. Most of us are of the 'boomer' generation.
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excathedra
sorry i just saw this. hi rumrunner. guess i don't need to introduce myself again :)
were you telling me you love me in that quote
((((((( rhino ))))))) did you say i was younger than someone !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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SafariVista
I care....
How horrible for you to have had to live like that... Thanks for sharing~
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