It’s Not Your Fault

[Belle]

"These are from some of my notes on the book, 'The Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse'. It's got lots of useful information I thought might be good to bring up again given we have some new people at the counter. My ex threw away my copy of the book, so I don't have it to compare and pull out the direct quotes.

If you haven't read this book, no matter how long you've been out or been in, I highly recommend it! When you read this you're going to think these people are from TWI, but they're not. :o And that's scary!

It’s Not Your Fault

One of the great keys to healing from spiritual abuse is to realize that it wasn’t your fault. God did not punish you for your faults and shortcomings. Quite often when people are physically, mentally, sexually abused they will be overwhelmed with the guilt that the abuse was somehow their fault. For instance a rape victim may feel that they are to blamed for the rape along with the attacker. The victim often thinks that they did something to lead on the attacker or to deserve the abuse. You CANNOT entertain these thoughts if you want deliverance. If you were abused then someone else took advantage of you. The abuser is in the wrong not the victim.

Romans 8:1 There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit.

We cannot condemn ourselves if we want deliverance. We cannot wallow in guilt. We have a personal adversary who wants to condemn us and put us in guilt. Satan, the devil, is our adversary. He wants to hinder us, attack us, and abuse us whenever he gets the chance. Abuse is the devil’s fault not the victim’s.

Galations 5:7 Ye did run well; who did hinder you that ye should not obey the truth?

Galations 5:8 This persuasion cometh not of him that calleth you.

Our adversary has a full time job which is: stealing, killing, and destroying. He is the one responsible for the spiritual abuse that occurs in Christian’s lives. Once the victim realizes that the abuse is not from God and the abuse is not the victim’s fault, but that the abuse is the adversary’s fault, then the victim has taken the first step towards healing, deliverance and recovery.

Stop the abusive influences

I like to call this key "Stop the mouth of the abuser" or "Separating yourself from the abuse" This means that you have to get to the point that what the abuser says no longer has an influence on you. So if the abuser’s words still have an influence on you then you must get away from the abuse. In physical abuse situations the victims will be removed to a "safe house" for a while. You may have to get rid of books, tapes, and magazines that are from the abusive organization. You must remove yourself from the abusive influence for a while. This may take days or years depending on how bad you were abused.

Titus 1:10 For there are many unruly and vain talkers and deceivers, specially they of the circumcision:

1:11 Whose mouths must be stopped, who subvert whole houses, teaching things which they ought not, for filthy lucre's sake.

The abuser’s mouth must be stopped. However quite often we can’t actually get the spiritual abuser to shut up, but we can remove ourselves from the abuser so that we no longer hear and are influenced by the abuser. Once the victim has been separated from the abuser then the healing process can begin. When the victim is separated from the abuser then the process of stopping the mouth of the abuser has begun for that victim. The process is complete when the abuser has no influence over the victim at all. Then for the victim the abuser’s mouth has been stopped, even though the abuser may still be talking. Eventually when you are healed the words of the abuser will no longer hurt you.

2 Corinthians 11:12 But what I do, that I will do, that I may cut off occasion from them which desire occasion; that wherein they glory, they may be found even as we.

11:13 For such are false apostles, deceitful workers, transforming themselves into the apostles of Christ.

11:14 And no marvel; for Satan himself is transformed into an angel of light.

11:15 Therefore it is no great thing if his ministers also be transformed as the ministers of righteousness; whose end shall be according to their works.

Whether the abuser is a truly evil false prophet or a good man making bad mistakes. You must cut off the influence of the abuser.

1 Peter 5:5 Likewise, ye younger, submit yourselves unto the elder. Yea, all of you be subject one to another, and be clothed with humility: for God resisteth the proud, and giveth grace to the humble.

5:6 Humble yourselves therefore under the mighty hand of God, that he may exalt you in due time

We submit to God and we submit to other believers, but we do not submit to spiritual abusers. We resist the abusers by submitting to God.

Edited September 27, 2005 by Belle

[Ham]

Any claim to the contrary would make as much sense as claiming a battered person shouldn't have run into the batterer's fist..

I would admit one thing though.. for me to allow "them" to do the same thing the second time around, after recovering myself from the lions grip, perhaps WOULD be my fault.

You must remove yourself from the abusive influence for a while. This may take days or years depending on how bad you were abused.

For me, It took over a year to figure out that I was indeed abused.. I think that's the insidious nature of the beast. Many weren't addicted to the ministry of the saints.. but thought they were. More like addicted to the abuse.