as anyone wants to make Him to be. Don't misunderstand me, He is as real to me as is my own breath.
What I mean is that each and every one has to decide how real God is to THEM, whether it be Allah, Jehovah, etc.............names for God don't matter, just the heart of one who seeks Him is important.
The western version of God:
Abigail, you are as precious to God as was (is) the life of His son and He gave His son's life so that you could live. He never asked you to commit your life for that sacrifice, He asked that you might have faith in Him who so freely gave. The choice is up to you (and me), and God still gave us an out, so to speak..........John 3:16
Abs.....you are precious and I welcome you here to this forum..........have fun and know that you are cared for
I KNEW what a strong courageous woman you were, but I had no IDEA what you had been forced to endure.
Your narrative so CLOSELY mirrors what many many marriages were like in twi.
I remember how degrading the *you WILL submit to sex* was...I at times so detested my mate........but *preformed* no matter what I felt, because I was told taht it was my *duty*
I remember the rages, when the husband came home because something hadn`t been done correctly or the children had broken something.
I remember no matter how hard the kids n I tried, it was never good enough.......there was always SOMETHING we needed to be reproved for.
This was how twi TRAINED the men to be.......it is all so sad and sick in hindsight.
I put up with my husbands drunken rages for EIGHT YEARS AFTER we left twi........just because I had been taught that it was my spiritual duty, and if I wanted to be a Godly woman....I would meekly accept whatever Hubby cared to dish out.
I honestly believed it was my FAULT that he was so miserable .........same crap that you were taught.....if I`d just have sex with him more and keep the house cleaner........EVEYTHING would be ok.....we still acted this way for YEARS after leaving.
Women had NO rights in twi,,,,the ONLY thing they were there for was to serve the men.....so that the men could serve God`s people.
We were alowed NO input NO outside interests...No personality....Basically we were wombs to recieve their sperm.
Many husbands look back and are heartily ashamed of the behavior visited upon their mates and children.......some sadly NEVER wake up to the perversions of their marriages that twi indoctrinated us into believing was Godly.....even AFTER they leave twi!
Abigail friend.....please forgive me for going into a tirade on your thread.......but your treatment as well as mine, and far to many of our dear sisters...STILL enrages me.
There are a lot of good reasons for baring one's soul like this: one is the effect it will have on others. Even though you are out of the Way, it's not "over". The evil that was perpetrated still effects many who have left. There are still those who are inside who are wavering; who could very easily decide to leave because of what you posted here.
Reading others' "stories" on Waydale helped get me to the point where I provoked "leadership" into kicking me out.
The past is not "the past" until we decide it is; until the lingering effects are gone; until they stop doing it to others.
What those b*st*rds in The Way Corporation did to marriages borders on the criminal. they found the fault lines and put pressure on the them. They would use the "waybrained" half of the marriage, the one who was deeper "in" to control the one who thought for him or herself. In your marriage, it was, you, the wife who wouldn't swallow the Way line, and was therefore a danger; in my case, it was me, the husband.
The Way was and is patriarchal, no doubt about it. Women have always been devalued in The Way, no doubt about that either; but the bottom line was that PEOPLE were devalued. It was pretty degrading to conform to the Way's view of how a man should act when they were using your own wife against you.
(note: this is not a disagreement with Abigail's position! I sent my thoughts to her by email before posting them here and she encouraged me to post them in this forum)
What so-called leaders told people about sex was disgusting, but not all of us men bought into it. I cannot imagine forcing someone, demanding, or even BRINGING UP that verse on due benevolence, when there is no desire. And I never did, even when I was "cut off". (how enjoyable can sex be if you're doing it because someone TOLD you to do it?)
Despite what King MOG spouted in the so-called Believers' Family Class, sex is not like AIR, you will not DIE without it! Really! Believe me, I know!
What some women went through sexually at the hands of their husbands and at the direction of "leadership" was sick. It perverted a wonderful thing into a DUTY, into just another way to OBEY LEADERSHIP, another way to OBEY THE "WORD". Sex is NOT a way to get your spouse in a "good mood" - but a reflection and result of love and trust, not a d*mned ritual to be performed.
Abigail, anamchara, thanks again for baring your soul in this forum - I for one appreciate it.
Your last post on this thread is EXACTLY on the mark... getting married because you are both needy, and needing your partner to validate you is a terrible situation to be in, but one in which many of us found ourselves.
If you can only "win" when the other person agrees with you, then every disagreement is an argument to the death. If you lose, you lose a part of yourself, a part of your validation and strength and you just can't bear to let that happen. So you go to extreme lengths to be RIGHT.
But as the "wife" you had to lose the fight over and over again, while the husband only gained the upper hand because he was "the man". No real self-esteem is gained on his part because he didn't really work anything out or accomplish anything. And a deep inner resentment builds up on your part because you are so trapped and yet so unable to break out.
I think you are also right when you said that as the woman in that scenario, you (hopefully) do end up finding ways to build your own self up and grow strong, because you certainly aren't getting that from your husband. That's what happened to me... each little thing I accomplished on my own, each little step toward independence and the realization that I was a worth-while human being in my own right, took me that much closer to the door, until it finally hit me in the butt as I was leaving.
Good riddence!!
Thanks so much for posting your story here. It's important for people who are still living in your shoes to see the truth.
Thanks Abi... you know... it's a sad thing and it runs throughout most all of the threads here on this site... TheWay was all about codependency... all about it...
"During my marriage I was threatened, pushed, spit on, belittled, the phone was ripped out of the wall so I couldn't call anyone for help.... I went to leadership over and over again."
I lived through that. It was a horror.
I am so sorry. I have enjoyed your posts and your fairness in them. Now I feel as if we may have been peas in a pod or at least on the same plant.
Wow, I cried when I read the guitar to your head.... Mine pushed me down in front of his truck and tried to run me over.
Nobody should have to live in that misery or fear. Oh Abi!!! ((((((((Abi)))))))))
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firebee
as anyone wants to make Him to be. Don't misunderstand me, He is as real to me as is my own breath.
What I mean is that each and every one has to decide how real God is to THEM, whether it be Allah, Jehovah, etc.............names for God don't matter, just the heart of one who seeks Him is important.
The western version of God:
Abigail, you are as precious to God as was (is) the life of His son and He gave His son's life so that you could live. He never asked you to commit your life for that sacrifice, He asked that you might have faith in Him who so freely gave. The choice is up to you (and me), and God still gave us an out, so to speak..........John 3:16
Abs.....you are precious and I welcome you here to this forum..........have fun and know that you are cared for
from the poster formerly known as 'firebarrier'
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Abigail
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rascal
I KNEW what a strong courageous woman you were, but I had no IDEA what you had been forced to endure.
Your narrative so CLOSELY mirrors what many many marriages were like in twi.
I remember how degrading the *you WILL submit to sex* was...I at times so detested my mate........but *preformed* no matter what I felt, because I was told taht it was my *duty*
I remember the rages, when the husband came home because something hadn`t been done correctly or the children had broken something.
I remember no matter how hard the kids n I tried, it was never good enough.......there was always SOMETHING we needed to be reproved for.
This was how twi TRAINED the men to be.......it is all so sad and sick in hindsight.
I put up with my husbands drunken rages for EIGHT YEARS AFTER we left twi........just because I had been taught that it was my spiritual duty, and if I wanted to be a Godly woman....I would meekly accept whatever Hubby cared to dish out.
I honestly believed it was my FAULT that he was so miserable .........same crap that you were taught.....if I`d just have sex with him more and keep the house cleaner........EVEYTHING would be ok.....we still acted this way for YEARS after leaving.
Women had NO rights in twi,,,,the ONLY thing they were there for was to serve the men.....so that the men could serve God`s people.
We were alowed NO input NO outside interests...No personality....Basically we were wombs to recieve their sperm.
Many husbands look back and are heartily ashamed of the behavior visited upon their mates and children.......some sadly NEVER wake up to the perversions of their marriages that twi indoctrinated us into believing was Godly.....even AFTER they leave twi!
Abigail friend.....please forgive me for going into a tirade on your thread.......but your treatment as well as mine, and far to many of our dear sisters...STILL enrages me.
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Abigail
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rascal
Thanks Abby, I look forward to reading more.
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Oakspear
Thank you, Abby, for posting "your story" for us.
There are a lot of good reasons for baring one's soul like this: one is the effect it will have on others. Even though you are out of the Way, it's not "over". The evil that was perpetrated still effects many who have left. There are still those who are inside who are wavering; who could very easily decide to leave because of what you posted here.
Reading others' "stories" on Waydale helped get me to the point where I provoked "leadership" into kicking me out.
The past is not "the past" until we decide it is; until the lingering effects are gone; until they stop doing it to others.
What those b*st*rds in The Way Corporation did to marriages borders on the criminal. they found the fault lines and put pressure on the them. They would use the "waybrained" half of the marriage, the one who was deeper "in" to control the one who thought for him or herself. In your marriage, it was, you, the wife who wouldn't swallow the Way line, and was therefore a danger; in my case, it was me, the husband.
The Way was and is patriarchal, no doubt about it. Women have always been devalued in The Way, no doubt about that either; but the bottom line was that PEOPLE were devalued. It was pretty degrading to conform to the Way's view of how a man should act when they were using your own wife against you.
(note: this is not a disagreement with Abigail's position! I sent my thoughts to her by email before posting them here and she encouraged me to post them in this forum)
What so-called leaders told people about sex was disgusting, but not all of us men bought into it. I cannot imagine forcing someone, demanding, or even BRINGING UP that verse on due benevolence, when there is no desire. And I never did, even when I was "cut off". (how enjoyable can sex be if you're doing it because someone TOLD you to do it?)
Despite what King MOG spouted in the so-called Believers' Family Class, sex is not like AIR, you will not DIE without it! Really! Believe me, I know!
What some women went through sexually at the hands of their husbands and at the direction of "leadership" was sick. It perverted a wonderful thing into a DUTY, into just another way to OBEY LEADERSHIP, another way to OBEY THE "WORD". Sex is NOT a way to get your spouse in a "good mood" - but a reflection and result of love and trust, not a d*mned ritual to be performed.
Abigail, anamchara, thanks again for baring your soul in this forum - I for one appreciate it.
Oakspear
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Abigail
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Kay1952
Thanks for telling us the truth!
My relationship with husband #2 was this way, (no alcohol abuse tho)and he was a conservative Jew.
You have my heart and caring.
You are brave and an example to me!
Love,
Kay
Kay1952
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TheHighWay
Abigail...
Your last post on this thread is EXACTLY on the mark... getting married because you are both needy, and needing your partner to validate you is a terrible situation to be in, but one in which many of us found ourselves.
If you can only "win" when the other person agrees with you, then every disagreement is an argument to the death. If you lose, you lose a part of yourself, a part of your validation and strength and you just can't bear to let that happen. So you go to extreme lengths to be RIGHT.
But as the "wife" you had to lose the fight over and over again, while the husband only gained the upper hand because he was "the man". No real self-esteem is gained on his part because he didn't really work anything out or accomplish anything. And a deep inner resentment builds up on your part because you are so trapped and yet so unable to break out.
I think you are also right when you said that as the woman in that scenario, you (hopefully) do end up finding ways to build your own self up and grow strong, because you certainly aren't getting that from your husband. That's what happened to me... each little thing I accomplished on my own, each little step toward independence and the realization that I was a worth-while human being in my own right, took me that much closer to the door, until it finally hit me in the butt as I was leaving.
Good riddence!!
Thanks so much for posting your story here. It's important for people who are still living in your shoes to see the truth.
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nknative
Abigail, you should write a book. You have told your story so well.
I hope that many that are lurking are following your story and that your story will help them see that life is better outside of the walls of twi.
Hang in there and please continue to share. You are helping others with each new post. What you have to say is very important. Take care. nk
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chwester
In reference to your first post Abi:
It was not logical or fate, it was God.
www.pullingdownstrongholds.com
www.bluestarbase.org
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Tom Strange
Thanks Abi... you know... it's a sad thing and it runs throughout most all of the threads here on this site... TheWay was all about codependency... all about it...
... big hitter, the lama...
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Square Peg
Thank you so much for your story, Abigail.
I keep trying to tell myself that my experience in the Way taught me very valuable lessons. But it was a hard, hard road to learn them on.
I guess we're all in this together.
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Dot Matrix
Abi-
"During my marriage I was threatened, pushed, spit on, belittled, the phone was ripped out of the wall so I couldn't call anyone for help.... I went to leadership over and over again."
I lived through that. It was a horror.
I am so sorry. I have enjoyed your posts and your fairness in them. Now I feel as if we may have been peas in a pod or at least on the same plant.
Wow, I cried when I read the guitar to your head.... Mine pushed me down in front of his truck and tried to run me over.
Nobody should have to live in that misery or fear. Oh Abi!!! ((((((((Abi)))))))))
Thanks for having the courage to share.
Life is too short for bad coffee!
Dot Matrix
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