Belle, That's how I felt after 9/11. Part of it was the devastation of it all, and part of it was the timing. I had other losses I was sorting through at the time, and the chaos and sadness of 9/11 only intensified it all.
For me, it came to the point that I had to turn it all off. No more newscasts, no more newspapers, no more obituaries, no more of the sounds of grief and suffering.
One thing that often helps me is to attach myself to the rhythms of the outside world, meaning that I pay attention to the changes in the sunlight, the patterns of nature, the sounds of birds, all that stuff. Another is to simplify my schedule. Just do what needs to be done and no more. When I'm feeling the way you describe, I don't take on any additional tasks or responsibilities; in fact, I get rid of a few. The world doesn't need me to help it turn, and others will pick up the slack.
I also read a lot of poetry.
I don't have any advice, other than to tell you to do what you need to do to preserve your own happiness, but you know that already. Happiness might be a foreign concept right now, so stay aware of how things are affecting you, and just settle for the things that make you less sad. For now.
For me it was 9/11 also; I didn't know where to sit, stand, what to do or say. I was stunned and scared and angry and didn't have a clue what to do about it; not a good thing for me.
In your case, it's personal in that you have lost loved ones,you likely feel out of control about 'doing something'. You are rightly so concerned about your parents.
For me this is personal in that I have two sisters in law and neices and nephews there and I was so worried about them until I could find out how they were; IF they were. Once their welfare was confirmed to me, I received some respite from it.
When we are dealt a shock, our minds take time to assimilate the information and we as a society are not generally used to this kind of catastrophy, even with 9/11 in our so recent past.
Perhaps your mind is one that needs to take more time, especially where family is concerned; it's freakin scary!
Also when one is dealt frightening news and the aftermath of same, s/he needs to get to place where they stop and realize that the after shock is almost as bad as the initial hit.
Take a day ( or three ) off from it maybe. Do something for you, occupy your mind with pleasant things to you. As grown children, when our parent(s) are hurt, we HAVE to do something, we think.
You sound burned out and that's not anything to feel bad about; it's so normal and expected. Of course you'd be somewhat consumed with this.
Take some time, watch something else, read something else, all that laleo said.
This is exhausting. Even if you don't have any personal investment in the area, it's a reminder of some possible catestrophic event in your area (blizzard, earthquake, etc).
Some extra deliberate exercise helps me deal with it as well as deliberate downtime. Sometimes I take my refuge in music.
I am also from the gulf coast, most of what I called home is now gone. I haven't heard about any of my family, good or bad, so I hope for the best and try to understand theres nothing I can do other than go there and try to help out in any way I can.
for some reason I have always had the ability to not get as emotional as most people do over anything. this isn't the first time I've had to deal with hurricanes and their aftermath, or the death of a loved one that was very close to me. I think it's the spirit working inside me to calm me and help me understand.
worry doesn't help, but a small dose of it is healthy. now it's the time to pull ourselves up and show the world we're a nation of giving and careing people.
ask yourself, what can I do to help, then do it.
my prayers are with us all at this time and I do hope that in the end we will be a better place by pulling together as a family and see this through.
I know that I have it so much better than so very many others and I suppose I feel guilty that I feel as bad as I do considering how much stress and emotional trauma others are going through and how it's much worse than anything I can even imagine.
Losing lifelong friends that I've only just reconnected with since getting out of TWI and that being the first time I've had anyone so near and dear to me die, it's a very new and unsettling experience. Here I am at 36 and I've been so fortunate to have never had to face death.
I'm having a hard time concentrating and I really just want to crawl into bed for about a month, but I don't have that many days off left and I need to save at least two of them for the weenie roast. :D-->
I'm going to confess, I'm numb to it. My brain can't process it, except academically. It's too much. Someday soon it will crash in on me all at once, but it hasn't happened yet.
I'm going to confess, I'm numb to it. My brain can't process it, except academically. It's too much. Someday soon it will crash in on me all at once, but it hasn't happened yet.
That's because you work in the media...That's why you've always been towards to top of my prayer list.
You get many of the stories and see the pics that are typically deemed not suitable for public consumption...and the stuff the rest of us do get, you get in concentrated doses...and unlike the rest of us, you can't necessarily turn away.
I had a tiny little taste of all that, once upon a time, and you're immersed in it.
Just know that you're deeply admired and you've got prayer behind you.
We all suffer from news overkill and when some extra dreadful event occurs, then we can barely absorb it all.
Sunday, we buried our friend and neighbor, Odie Ray, who finally lost his battle with diabetes, Monday we all saw the storm. While the storm raged, our friend and Andrew's Sunday school teacher, Merle L., lost his fight with cancer.
Being such a small community, we get to deal with these losses together. We're all in it together. It's always a shared experience...so the impact is far less intense. Most folks like you don't necessarily have that luxury.
All you can do is get away from all the news...watch some cartoons. Most everyone here said it all better than I ever could.
You're a special lady and you've got our prayers, thoughts and love.
I haven't heard about any of my family, good or bad.
Where were they PJ? I'm assuming ALL my friends from New Orleans are fine, wherever they are. The gulf coast was more "quickly devastating", but most reasonable people got out early, and in New Orleans area, almost all of the able bodied should be ok, even if they stayed.
Belle, I typed out a post last night and hit "post now" and sompin musta happened-- t'aint here!
Anyway, me too! I do have to step away sometimes, cuz it could consume me. Especially while i was still looking for JesseJoe.
Same thing with 9-11 and Oklahoma City. I finally catch myself at it, and step away from the news for awhile, and that helped. I understand how it is so intense for you, dealing with these deaths--that is consuming too. (I never had to deal with someone close to me dying til I was 35, also--it is shoking--consuming.)
Doing everyday things seems wrong somehow--They're not here so they can't do simple things like brush their teeth anymore, I'm brushing my teeth and feeling somehow disrespectful towards them--that kind of feeling for me. It eventually faded, but it was very hard.
You're dealing with both at the same time. ((((((((Belle)))))))))))) I will be praying for you--wish I could give you a real hug. Are you letting yourself cry? (that's a hard one for me) If you haven't, get it out--(journaling helps me). I wish I could do more for you.
I don't have anyone personally near the devastation, however, my company has a contract with the USDA. They have (had) a payment center in New Orleans with 1500 people assigned to it. They have only been able to contact about 600 people so far from that office.
Belle my heads been going through a variety of emotions regarding this stuff, from outrage to disgust to compassion to gawd who knows, sad too...I looked at the picayne times photo section and it brought tears to my eyes, not so much from the devestation which was unavoidable but mostly from seeing the outflowing of compassion neighbors are showing neighbors.
After praying for a day or two, I started e-mailing and calling my friends in Louisiana and Mississippi. Most came out of it relatively unscathed. One old friend, Andy Stone, who performs as "Vince Vance" (Vince Vance and the Valiants perform all over the country, though they're best known in Texas and the Gulf Coast), had his home and office completely wiped out. (He lived in Waveland, MS.) Fortunately, the group was performing in Indiana when the storm hit, so all the people are fine, and most of his equipment, costumes, etc., are intact. But I'm sure lots of mementos are irretrievably lost. And a lot of upcoming gigs on the coast have, of course, been cancelled. But did Andy sit around bemoaning his fate? No, he got out and entertained the evacuees in Dallas. He's keeping a very positive face on this, and I love him for it.
One of the greatest things and worst things I ever found leaveing TWI was emotions.It can be a good thing I reacted the same way of loss and I too turned off the news but I also found a way to give and that helped.
Embrace your feelings and dont condem your self for feeling them.
I have been though incest, rape , abuse , divorce loseing a job and on and on as I was in Twi I sutffed all that and said it all died at the cross it was a fun place to lvie ha.
When I got out of TWI I learned how to face it more honestly and healing has begun real healing.
I'm currently dealing with the death of a few close friends; still not being able to contact beloved cousins; concerns for my elderly paternal grandmother who just had surgery; my maternal grandfather is expected to die any day now; some very frustrating personal "life" ****; work obligations and all. I'm drained, physically, emotionally and mentally. I've been lucky enough to have never had anyone close to me die and watching the news just reduces me to tears - heaving, loud sighing tears.
Belle -- praying for ya. (from personal experience) losing a family member is the worst. :(-->
My wife is a high school math teacher and today she got a new student in one of her classes - from Gulfport, Mississippi.
This girl and her family managed to escape with just the clothes on their backs before their house was completely destroyed. She told my wife that she needed to sit in the front of the class because she had lost her glasses in the hurricane and her family had not had a chance to get her new ones yet.
I can't imagine what it must be like for this girl to have gone to school in Mississippi on August 26th and then her next day of school was two weeks later in Charlotte, North Carolina.
Welcome, Dori! One of my best friends growing up was named Dori. First time I've ever met another Dori. :)-->
Pirate, you're right. There are tons more people going through much more than I can even imagine. Like I said earlier, I feel bad for feeling bad, but that only adds to the frustration, depression and extremely hard time I'm facing. I know I'm not the only one, that's why I asked how others are handling the same emotional rollercoaster I think many of us are experiencing right now.
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laleo
Belle, That's how I felt after 9/11. Part of it was the devastation of it all, and part of it was the timing. I had other losses I was sorting through at the time, and the chaos and sadness of 9/11 only intensified it all.
For me, it came to the point that I had to turn it all off. No more newscasts, no more newspapers, no more obituaries, no more of the sounds of grief and suffering.
One thing that often helps me is to attach myself to the rhythms of the outside world, meaning that I pay attention to the changes in the sunlight, the patterns of nature, the sounds of birds, all that stuff. Another is to simplify my schedule. Just do what needs to be done and no more. When I'm feeling the way you describe, I don't take on any additional tasks or responsibilities; in fact, I get rid of a few. The world doesn't need me to help it turn, and others will pick up the slack.
I also read a lot of poetry.
I don't have any advice, other than to tell you to do what you need to do to preserve your own happiness, but you know that already. Happiness might be a foreign concept right now, so stay aware of how things are affecting you, and just settle for the things that make you less sad. For now.
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Shellon
Belle, I'd say ditto what laleo said.
For me it was 9/11 also; I didn't know where to sit, stand, what to do or say. I was stunned and scared and angry and didn't have a clue what to do about it; not a good thing for me.
In your case, it's personal in that you have lost loved ones,you likely feel out of control about 'doing something'. You are rightly so concerned about your parents.
For me this is personal in that I have two sisters in law and neices and nephews there and I was so worried about them until I could find out how they were; IF they were. Once their welfare was confirmed to me, I received some respite from it.
When we are dealt a shock, our minds take time to assimilate the information and we as a society are not generally used to this kind of catastrophy, even with 9/11 in our so recent past.
Perhaps your mind is one that needs to take more time, especially where family is concerned; it's freakin scary!
Also when one is dealt frightening news and the aftermath of same, s/he needs to get to place where they stop and realize that the after shock is almost as bad as the initial hit.
Take a day ( or three ) off from it maybe. Do something for you, occupy your mind with pleasant things to you. As grown children, when our parent(s) are hurt, we HAVE to do something, we think.
You sound burned out and that's not anything to feel bad about; it's so normal and expected. Of course you'd be somewhat consumed with this.
Take some time, watch something else, read something else, all that laleo said.
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Kit Sober
I am praying harder than I ever thought possible.
kit
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WordWolf
Since 9-11 was local to me, it affecte me much the same way
this affects a lot of people- shock and so on.
All the people I know in the affected areas are safe, so mostly
I'm angry at mismanagement in various levels of government.
I also agree-you'll need some "downtime" away from all news
outlets and to do some other things.
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krys
This is exhausting. Even if you don't have any personal investment in the area, it's a reminder of some possible catestrophic event in your area (blizzard, earthquake, etc).
Some extra deliberate exercise helps me deal with it as well as deliberate downtime. Sometimes I take my refuge in music.
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Wacky Funster
Prayer to you Belle!!!
My eyes have been glued to the TV and to all the scenes and photos, and I, too, am exhausted.
I do comfort food...chocolate pudding and hot lentil soup.
Take time for your soul...refresh it...walk, talk to the trees, yell at god...
Right after this hurricane hit, and I saw the pics rolling in, I started to become very mindful and conscious of everything...
...I was thankful to the 3 ice cubes I put in my water, knowing hurricane victims had none.
...I was thankful and mindful for everything...and since have taken little for granted.
I turned my helplessness into something a little more manageable for me to deal with the exhaustion.
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papajohn
I am also from the gulf coast, most of what I called home is now gone. I haven't heard about any of my family, good or bad, so I hope for the best and try to understand theres nothing I can do other than go there and try to help out in any way I can.
for some reason I have always had the ability to not get as emotional as most people do over anything. this isn't the first time I've had to deal with hurricanes and their aftermath, or the death of a loved one that was very close to me. I think it's the spirit working inside me to calm me and help me understand.
worry doesn't help, but a small dose of it is healthy. now it's the time to pull ourselves up and show the world we're a nation of giving and careing people.
ask yourself, what can I do to help, then do it.
my prayers are with us all at this time and I do hope that in the end we will be a better place by pulling together as a family and see this through.
love and peace to you all.
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Belle
Thank you all very much!
I know that I have it so much better than so very many others and I suppose I feel guilty that I feel as bad as I do considering how much stress and emotional trauma others are going through and how it's much worse than anything I can even imagine.
Losing lifelong friends that I've only just reconnected with since getting out of TWI and that being the first time I've had anyone so near and dear to me die, it's a very new and unsettling experience. Here I am at 36 and I've been so fortunate to have never had to face death.
I'm having a hard time concentrating and I really just want to crawl into bed for about a month, but I don't have that many days off left and I need to save at least two of them for the weenie roast.
:D-->
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Raf
I'm going to confess, I'm numb to it. My brain can't process it, except academically. It's too much. Someday soon it will crash in on me all at once, but it hasn't happened yet.
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Ron G.
That's because you work in the media...That's why you've always been towards to top of my prayer list.
You get many of the stories and see the pics that are typically deemed not suitable for public consumption...and the stuff the rest of us do get, you get in concentrated doses...and unlike the rest of us, you can't necessarily turn away.
I had a tiny little taste of all that, once upon a time, and you're immersed in it.
Just know that you're deeply admired and you've got prayer behind you.
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Ron G.
Belle,
We all suffer from news overkill and when some extra dreadful event occurs, then we can barely absorb it all.
Sunday, we buried our friend and neighbor, Odie Ray, who finally lost his battle with diabetes, Monday we all saw the storm. While the storm raged, our friend and Andrew's Sunday school teacher, Merle L., lost his fight with cancer.
Being such a small community, we get to deal with these losses together. We're all in it together. It's always a shared experience...so the impact is far less intense. Most folks like you don't necessarily have that luxury.
All you can do is get away from all the news...watch some cartoons. Most everyone here said it all better than I ever could.
You're a special lady and you've got our prayers, thoughts and love.
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Raf
Thank you so much, Ron.
You're a great unhyphenated American.
:)-->
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Linda Z
{{{Papajohn}}
I pray you'll get word of your family soon.
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rhino
Where were they PJ? I'm assuming ALL my friends from New Orleans are fine, wherever they are. The gulf coast was more "quickly devastating", but most reasonable people got out early, and in New Orleans area, almost all of the able bodied should be ok, even if they stayed.
Let us know ...
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Psalm 71 one
Belle, I typed out a post last night and hit "post now" and sompin musta happened-- t'aint here!
Anyway, me too! I do have to step away sometimes, cuz it could consume me. Especially while i was still looking for JesseJoe.
Same thing with 9-11 and Oklahoma City. I finally catch myself at it, and step away from the news for awhile, and that helped. I understand how it is so intense for you, dealing with these deaths--that is consuming too. (I never had to deal with someone close to me dying til I was 35, also--it is shoking--consuming.)
Doing everyday things seems wrong somehow--They're not here so they can't do simple things like brush their teeth anymore, I'm brushing my teeth and feeling somehow disrespectful towards them--that kind of feeling for me. It eventually faded, but it was very hard.
You're dealing with both at the same time. ((((((((Belle)))))))))))) I will be praying for you--wish I could give you a real hug. Are you letting yourself cry? (that's a hard one for me) If you haven't, get it out--(journaling helps me). I wish I could do more for you.
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Tumbleweed Kid
I don't have anyone personally near the devastation, however, my company has a contract with the USDA. They have (had) a payment center in New Orleans with 1500 people assigned to it. They have only been able to contact about 600 people so far from that office.
How horrible!
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herbiejuan
Belle my heads been going through a variety of emotions regarding this stuff, from outrage to disgust to compassion to gawd who knows, sad too...I looked at the picayne times photo section and it brought tears to my eyes, not so much from the devestation which was unavoidable but mostly from seeing the outflowing of compassion neighbors are showing neighbors.
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GeorgeStGeorge
After praying for a day or two, I started e-mailing and calling my friends in Louisiana and Mississippi. Most came out of it relatively unscathed. One old friend, Andy Stone, who performs as "Vince Vance" (Vince Vance and the Valiants perform all over the country, though they're best known in Texas and the Gulf Coast), had his home and office completely wiped out. (He lived in Waveland, MS.) Fortunately, the group was performing in Indiana when the storm hit, so all the people are fine, and most of his equipment, costumes, etc., are intact. But I'm sure lots of mementos are irretrievably lost. And a lot of upcoming gigs on the coast have, of course, been cancelled. But did Andy sit around bemoaning his fate? No, he got out and entertained the evacuees in Dallas. He's keeping a very positive face on this, and I love him for it.
George
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Dori
Hi,
One of the greatest things and worst things I ever found leaveing TWI was emotions.It can be a good thing I reacted the same way of loss and I too turned off the news but I also found a way to give and that helped.
Embrace your feelings and dont condem your self for feeling them.
I have been though incest, rape , abuse , divorce loseing a job and on and on as I was in Twi I sutffed all that and said it all died at the cross it was a fun place to lvie ha.
When I got out of TWI I learned how to face it more honestly and healing has begun real healing.
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Zshot
Dori,
Welcome to GS.
I am sorry for the pain and suffering that you have endured in your life.
It is good to hear that a healing process has begun for you.
Enjoy your time here.
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dmiller
Dori -- welcome to GreaseSpot.
David
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dmiller
Belle -- praying for ya. (from personal experience) losing a family member is the worst.
:(-->
David
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Pirate1974
My wife is a high school math teacher and today she got a new student in one of her classes - from Gulfport, Mississippi.
This girl and her family managed to escape with just the clothes on their backs before their house was completely destroyed. She told my wife that she needed to sit in the front of the class because she had lost her glasses in the hurricane and her family had not had a chance to get her new ones yet.
I can't imagine what it must be like for this girl to have gone to school in Mississippi on August 26th and then her next day of school was two weeks later in Charlotte, North Carolina.
It's got to be really hard on these kids.
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Belle
Welcome, Dori! One of my best friends growing up was named Dori. First time I've ever met another Dori.
:)-->
Pirate, you're right. There are tons more people going through much more than I can even imagine. Like I said earlier, I feel bad for feeling bad, but that only adds to the frustration, depression and extremely hard time I'm facing. I know I'm not the only one, that's why I asked how others are handling the same emotional rollercoaster I think many of us are experiencing right now.
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