children are alone without supervision after school , a cpw worker would help the family find and arrange funding for after school care .
so many families can barely make it gas is almost 3 bucks, rent, and daily living takes a toll when both parents are forced to work to live. In NY state it is against the law to leave your child with an unlicensed baby sitter who is paid. gramma does not live nearby andthe babysitter quit, boss said one more day off and your fired, and landlord says one more day late and your out of a place to live.
who can aford to stay home and watch someone eles children for free and it gets complex and difficult when they quit or something happens etc.
life brings many issues. cpw has the resources and funds to find the resources needed toHELP families .
they are not the enemy and not to feared UNLESS your really not able to be a good and loving parent to your children.
A child is reported by the school as having no coat and often appears tired in the day, Cpw talks to thechild and finds out they have been living in the car as a family and cant afford a coat just yet but maybe next week when mom or dad gets paid.
A cpw worker can set this familiy up in emergency housing and provide free meals and clothes to help them get back on their feet.
In sexual abuse cases it is very dificult and Itell you they send only the top workers and it is monitored heavy from many many people because of the stress level involved. Many times the family is in shock and unwilling to believe the allegations and although it is changing it is very difficult to procede.
sexual crimes are criminal as well so you have TWO courts involved, criminal courts need a much higherstandard of evidence, MUCH higher. pregnancy, broken bones and a full and abiding confession from a child old and strong enough to take on his loving and good parents in every other way.. that is criminal court. Lawyers and darn good lawyers play in the criminal court for the money to be had and let me say these goons have money and often can get it for the best defense possible. it is often a long lengthy trail with much testimony from co-workers and friends and community , the child suffers from missing his life and home and family and the only life he/she has ever known and will often change his mind. DA can not take cases to lose and are forced to plea bargin out in these crimes MOST of the time.
Family court is different in its focus , the evidence is very very different in family court its focus is safegaurding children and providing resources to HELP keep the family intact. A good family court judge and CPW will and often are the only safety net a CHILD has to survivie.
even if it means staying in a family for years( sometimes through two or three generation even!) saying Hello how are ya buddy ? to make their life more difficult and less able to carry on business as ususal. I do not consider this harrassment because I know they can not aford or have any desire to be in a family that does not need their services. to many cases to few workers if you saw the caseload of just one worker you would agree.. if a family is safe and able to maintian the safety and wellness of their children CPS is the very first ones to drop their services. Sadly we all have heard the storys of how CPS was involved in a family in the past, and then something tragic happens again.
child abuse repeats itself, often in a small city it is the same families needing resources gramma did mom does dad and brother have the same problem. it is not a large population that has extreem abuse it is often within the same families and it spreads, and continues from them because they refuse to have the help they need and carryit to other generations. most cases are not so grandious and news worthy they are just families struggling to make it through a crisis and need some help.
I had to get out of the mental place I was in concerning those on this thread who want to play twig leader with Mo. The posts of mine that I erased were personal attacks. Not only is that against the rules here, but that is simply stooping to a level I need not stoop.
Mo's experiences are highly documented and links to the actual documentation of one of the records for one of the perps is posted here and on the Open Forum. Others have come forward to collaborate Mo's experiences and to tell of what the perp(s) have done in other areas...proving that twi, with full knowledge that they were aiding and abetting, simply moved pedophiles from one area to another while silencing parents...often with threats to the very lives of these parents.
All of this and yet there are people posting that Mo somehow brought it all upon herself and is still to blame because she has the courage to face this crap and tell what happened anyway.
Well, that gets to me! It's twi all over again. And, gawddammit, Mo's been through enough of that crap! Me too. All of us, in fact.
But it is one thing for me to participate in the telling of what happened...quite another for me to revert to my twi persona and get just as insulting, blaming and finger-pointing. So I just had to stop. Ya know?
Social Services needed to do only one thing to save my family
With the help of the police remove my husband, from the home, and take whatever steps necessary to keep him away so he didn't kill us.
They didn't want to pursue this action
Instead for 7 years they put me on the hotseat,
on the two occassions he was arrested he was home within 24 hours. Everyone knew he was beating me and the kids-- they told me too my face--
but when I asked why they didn't arrest him and get him out of the house I was flat told that it was my responsibility to get him out.
DAy care I could handle, bills I could handle (if I could hide the money fast enough), houssehold tasks I could handle--I just needed them for one thing
Thank you for responding to my question. Thank you again for taking the time also to answer so thoroughly. I believe that my question has been answered in the affirmative by you and to that of my satisfaction. I do apologize for popping off like an A55. My action was unwarranted and inexcusable.
"With the help of the police remove my husband, from the home, and take whatever steps necessary to keep him away so he didn't kill us.
They didn't want to pursue this action"
Mo,
I hear you even if certain others refuse to. I was fortunate in that things did not go so far in my situation. BUT I had the police out to my house on 3 occassions and NOT ONCE did they write up a police report. On one occassion, they took my (now) ex-husband's gun and still no report. Makes it very difficult when you go to court and there is no police report to back up what you have said.
I believe sexual preditors, have power and money available to them and underground resource that can be availed when one of their own gets "hurt".
I also believe woman who truly have a problem with a man who is unrelenting and abusive a network to remove them happens, they go to another state. It is often paid for by private donantion and runs like an underground railroad with families volunteering to house mom and the kids till the crises is better. praise God almighty if you only knew the volumes of people who care and it begins with a cps worker fighting and aware. See a state worker can not have a conflict of interest they can not side with one parent over the other or make a judgement, that is up to a judge and the evidence provided. it is difficult.
But maybe sometimes a mom who is fear for her life can be staying with relatives or in a shelter waiting for the nightmare to end. and then someone metions a "friend" who has plane or bus tickets for tommorrow and leaves a phone # by accident . timing is everything in the courts, and a parent has to be strong enough to go and trust a stranger. They have to be strong enough to love their kids more than their boyfriend or husband their family their own life as they know it today. personly I believe it is the LORDS network. that is right that stupid old CPS worker knows nothing about how that person knocked on your door and said IM a friend and I want to help. true enough. they may know where your hiding in fear or what the next court case may determine and maybe even your address, but hey all that is public information once they get involved hmmm....
now im crying over this stupid thread.
WE are making changes, today if a domestic abuse call is made to the police BOTH mom and dad are charged. thank God!!!
As both of the idiots are hand cuffed and put into the car it is a CPS worker who is called in to take the kids to a place where maybe for the first time in their life they can sleep in peace without the choas their parents give their life. Now BOTH parents have to answer for why this is happening to the innocent children.
it is as it should be.
Before he can go to jail all the paper work is done and ready to go to court to get him out of the house and guess what???? charges are dropped in 93% of the cases because he is the only one who can pay the rent or has money for food . or the mom is found dead or close to it after good old boy brother bubba paid for his bail. and guess what for sure she dropped the charges that time!! go figure! it is a fine line the police walk as well.
Templelady
we are all sorry you were abused for 7 years. It kind of speaks volumes on your ability to keep your children safe, we help who we can and a mom willing to put up with abuse for as many years as you claim and never ask for help for her kids is not a person able to put her kids first and foremeost. You claim to be the only one in the household with money. YOu could have taken the kids and left. why didnt you?
Im sorry. I truly am. EVen if they do take out one of these men the womans next boyfriend will also abuse and maybe be worse . it is a cycle of abuse it is learned love it is attachment to what you know as life. It is learned before a child can speak for themselves.
They know it is a secret kind of love that no one eles can really understand not even yourself. why do ya stay?
maybe you didnt get involved in another abuse relationship or have more children to give to a victimizer. and Im happy for ya you paid a heavy price for sure for the lesson. But in fact most abused woman end up with another abuser unless they get the help they need for themselves and their children. How is it a attraction how do they know which woman will put up with abuse and allow their children to be abused or at least never notice ? they know because it is a type of learned behaviour a learned "love", as a very young child it is imprinted in both male and females. And they may even know it is wrong of course they do but it is the system or the social worker or the churchs problem NOT them! They love their children very much and they do really love them as they know how.
It may be the children need to be put with the other parent who is willing to work in the system I didnt say they were a better parent I said these are extremly troubled families with a very troubled past and they need help and to be involved in the only way any agency can do any type of monitoring or resource. options are limited. but agin in your case you didnt allow them a chance to help you, you gave your kids up. in that case the state has to allow the other parent full rights to their kids, no questions asked. their hands are tied.
ya know writing about this stuff doesnt thrill me and my motive is not to attack anyone, but I believe education is in order about why people end up in the crap we do. I have been through alot in my life, suffice to say my life has been no crystal stair, I do not post my troubles on an internet for people to attack. I sought help and I found prayer works. I see a world full of evil folks willing to hurt one another and destroy anything beautiful, but more important I recall the people who can stand on what He promises who can endure a mom torment as the judge orders supervised vistation with her husband and the toddlers dad because we all have rights as Americans. I see people willing to say we need to have priorities and education and a willing to understand HOW does this type of crime happen? The bible calls it generational mental health considers it a cycle of abuse. When the boy who was molested by his dad and quick and powerful intervention does not happen at a very young age guess what he thinks love is when he is a dad ? Alittle girl is silent about how mom or dad touches her and then has sex or even tried to tell mom once but she didnt really hear her , maybe it was the pills she took to cope or just the fact daddy hit her alot. or she was always at a bible meeting or work. And daddy said he would kill thebaby if he told anyway so she loved her parents the best she could and grew up to be a fine upstanding woman college educated and always did her best...a good girl.
She also will be attracted to what she knew as a mans love as a child she will love the type of man who loved her as a child. He will be the father for her children and She will not have ears to hear what she was never allowed to speak.
Temple lady I do hear you.
Do I blame the victim?
those engaged in behaviours that hurt innocent children need to stop. Those who abuse children learned to abuse as children. oftentimes influence such as drug use or alcoholism has been used from a young age to cope with the reality of the abuse and some will NEVER admit or even truly rememebr when it all started to go bad kind of like their whole life type of thing.. they are victims it is sad. I do not say fry the bastard or kill all the girls who make children for them I say take the kids away and take them away as far as you can forever and stay with them for a lifetime to be sure IT STOPS! So how does one in four girls end up molested and one in five boys ????? today ?? how because they are good decent people they are your family they are your friends and they are ya know very understanding and good with kids . they know your pain they understand, they love your family and you them. they look normal like shellon said.
How DARE YOU pretend that the small advancements made in the last decade were even remotely avaiable to women outside of large population centers in the 1980's
How DARE YOU pretend that the services of today were available then
How DARE YOU pretend that social services even remotely gave a damn until laws forced them in to action
quote:
are making changes, today if a domestic abuse call is made to the police BOTH mom and dad are charged. thank God!!!
As both of the idiots are hand cuffed and put into the car it is a CPS worker who is called in to take the kids to a place where maybe for the first time in their life they can sleep in peace without the choas their parents give their life.
SO let me get this straight
He is beating the living daylights out of her and the kids so she gets arrested too and in your twisted little mindscape this is progress?!!?!?!?!??
How About this-- JUST ARREST THE PERSON DOING THE ABUSING!!!!
I know, that is an extremely complicated idea
AND OH YEAH while we are on the subject did you know that if a woman today in the United States reports her husband for Domestic violence she AUTOMATICALLY loses custody of her kids because she "Let" it happen.
Yup--that's sure fire way to encourage victims to ask for help
Yes in deedy just me makes me all warnm and fuzzy inside knowing MJ and her salwart associates are out there making life more hellacious and more difficult than ever for wqomen to get free of an abuser and still keep her kids.
My consolation is that you will have to stand before the GOd you profess to believe in and face the women whose children you have torn from their arms, the children who have lost their mothers because they had the bad fortune to marry an abuser, the families whose necks were surrounded by the legalistic millstones you delight in.
All so you could glory in the POWER of life and death you possess [As one social worker, female, told me "I have the POwer, and you are d--n well going to learn that before I am done with you!"] (she was the one sleeping with my husband)
Jesus offers salvation to those who repent--I would suggest that you still have time to repent of the evil which you and your corrupt system foist on the rest of your fellow mankind
I read the court section in our newspaper. Week after week I read about small time drug dealers and people who commit petty larceny getting locked up for 3 - 5 years. Week after week I read about men who are arrested for domestic violence, assault with a deadly weapon, sexual abuse against children and they are required to take anger management courses and released in less that a year.
We have made babysteps but we have a long ways to go.
Sure - pack up and move away from your support (i.e. family) with small children and no job. Yeah that's the way to go. Easy, sure.
I'm guessing MJ has never tried to go to sleep at night knowing her abusive husband is sitting in his car at the end of the street watching the house. MJ's never had the cops tell her that even though you have a personal protection order out against him - he is free to sit at the end of the street because he's not within 100 feet of you.
Never had a wacked out nut case track her across the country after telling everyone he is going to bring her back home.
A woman being abused is an adult making huge bad choices for herself and her children. A man who hits a woman is also making bad choices for his life and his children. it takes two to tangle.
if you call the police and they suspect even suspect abuse no marks no confession they will arest both parites. YES! and the children will be taken out of the home until court can be held, they do not lose custody to lose custody takes a decade or more even when the parents have never followed the courts orders! ask Galen how long these families are allowed to have 'rights to their children" in fact it is very very rare children are taken away usualy the parents give them up because they do not want to jump thru the hoops the system demands of them such as drug testing and conseling.. but yet they themselves allowed small innocent children to be exposed and raised in abuse of such sort each day of their young life to imprint with to them what love must mean. so they to can grow up to meet the love of their life just like in in their own family.
Yes I applaud the fact both parties in domestic abuse will go to jail!
the victims are the children.
many times mom and dad end up back together till another bad day in hell in dysfunctional families. then the police are called again to say He hit me take him to jail! next month next day I love ya dear!
do not tell me you could not get an order of protection , do not tell me you couldnt legaly sperate from this man because it is done everyday but you had to give up something you did not know how to live without. him. and the dysfunction. the money the drugs whatever it was that kept you involved.
and you worked! you had the ability to pay to leave you just chose not to.
in my opinion a mom who allows her child to be exposed to that type of living arragement or loves herself so little to be abused by a man or anyone can not parent a child can not be responsible enough to parent a child.
many agree with me. NO longer can a man be blamed for the abuse in the house many times daddy is also tormented by mom, or threatened in some way to never see the kids again or she makes accusations because she can . No longer are dads at the very mercy of some Insane woman who wants to destroy him in some sick fantasy of paying back all the pain she has endured as a child or whatever insanity plays out in HER life.
men have a right to love their children NOW today and I thank God for it for years woman held the reigns tight on the kids and dads where only allowed to love or nuture under her demands and say so. That to is changin and I thank God for it.
by all means jail the abuser the one who hits and the ones who allow it.
it is a equal crime that both parents must answer to and for.
you said you gave your children up because of the MS. Welfare didnt take your children you gave them up when the dysfunction was stopped by DSS. it is common no choas no reason to keep those pesky kids around or fight for them anymore. the love was gone.
Society is getting serious with these screwed up individual who take a toll on the court systems and need constant supervision and cost a ton of money to house feed and /or keep under control for themselves. and their children.
In my town if the police are called three times to your house for whatever reason you get evicted by the town your out of here your troubled and a problem and a drain on decent citizens trying to live a peaceful life and the services we pay for all of us. the town will evict you the landlord has no say nor do the renters. it is a nasty world we live in and I am sorry it may end up in a police state with so many crying take care of me Im a victim Im a victim take care of me, and the next breath saying it is all your fault.
We have a case going to supreme court out of NY, a street prostitute and crack whore has has seven children put into the foster care system, one with its father , and is now pregnate and in jail with HER NINTH child!!! do you have any idea how much this costs and the drain on the resources this is?
the judge ordered her on birth control, lol I love it . the civil liberities are flying all the way to supreme court with this bad boy ruling!!! dam straight I hope it becomes a law.
aaaw the saga of men who abuse and the woman who love them.
"if you call the police and they suspect even suspect abuse no marks no confession they will arest both parites. YES! and the children will be taken out of the home until court can be held"
In my state, they don't arrest ANYONE unless there are obvious signs of abuse. And even then, the man is usually free again in a couple of days. Don't know what planet you are on - but that's how it works here.
"Yes I applaud the fact both parties in domestic abuse will go to jail!
the victims are the children. "
Sure it is. And everyday, there are also women who are denied an order of protection too. Cause some cop didn't file a police report. Or cause the man could afford a better lawyer. Or a dozen other reasons.
SICK, SICK, SICK. Most often the kids would be best left with the non-abusive parent and some serious family counseling and intervention.
"do not tell me you could not get an order of protection , do not tell me you couldnt legaly sperate from this man because it is done everyday "
"NO longer can a man be blamed for the abuse in the house "
Ahhh - it all becomes clear. Now I know who you are MJ - you're my ex-husband.
I've said it before and I will say it again - abusive people prey on people they think they can victimize. Here at the cafe, we have a few predators who LOVE to prey on those who expose their vulnerabilities.
If you can't figure out who the predators are - here's some quotes to help you recognize one. . . .
"victims become victimizers."
Not all do - but there are definitely SOME who have done just that.
" NO longer can a man be blamed for the abuse in the house "
"for years woman held the reigns (sic) tight on the kids"
Understand - I am all for the rights of fathers. But, this thread is about men who abuse and molest children. In this context, those statements are beyond indefensible.
and here's an interesting inconsistency to help show that the statement's made by a certain poster are more about preying on someone than about being passionate about what they believe . . . .
"phediles are master at illusion and are very good at appearance to the public eye to create an atmosphere of trust "
" child molesters are not grown men getting creepy one day they are true con men able to avoid being accused with years of practice and lies, they are driven by a desire that forces them to live with society norms, with a passion that is out of control. MOST do not get caught because they appear as normal and often times very helpful and loving of children. "
"few see a victim till it is to late. "
"child molesters are trusted loved and cherished by children and their families. child molesters seldom if ever admit to being wrong in their behaviour. "
"my wise old daughter said the other day we are trained to ignore our voice as woman in society to not ride agaisnt a man and his power."
hmmm - seems rather inconsistent to me anyway.
Except that, and the point is, it isn't that she doesn't get it. It's that at this moment getting doesn't suit her agenda.
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mj412
children are alone without supervision after school , a cpw worker would help the family find and arrange funding for after school care .
so many families can barely make it gas is almost 3 bucks, rent, and daily living takes a toll when both parents are forced to work to live. In NY state it is against the law to leave your child with an unlicensed baby sitter who is paid. gramma does not live nearby andthe babysitter quit, boss said one more day off and your fired, and landlord says one more day late and your out of a place to live.
who can aford to stay home and watch someone eles children for free and it gets complex and difficult when they quit or something happens etc.
life brings many issues. cpw has the resources and funds to find the resources needed toHELP families .
they are not the enemy and not to feared UNLESS your really not able to be a good and loving parent to your children.
A child is reported by the school as having no coat and often appears tired in the day, Cpw talks to thechild and finds out they have been living in the car as a family and cant afford a coat just yet but maybe next week when mom or dad gets paid.
A cpw worker can set this familiy up in emergency housing and provide free meals and clothes to help them get back on their feet.
In sexual abuse cases it is very dificult and Itell you they send only the top workers and it is monitored heavy from many many people because of the stress level involved. Many times the family is in shock and unwilling to believe the allegations and although it is changing it is very difficult to procede.
sexual crimes are criminal as well so you have TWO courts involved, criminal courts need a much higherstandard of evidence, MUCH higher. pregnancy, broken bones and a full and abiding confession from a child old and strong enough to take on his loving and good parents in every other way.. that is criminal court. Lawyers and darn good lawyers play in the criminal court for the money to be had and let me say these goons have money and often can get it for the best defense possible. it is often a long lengthy trail with much testimony from co-workers and friends and community , the child suffers from missing his life and home and family and the only life he/she has ever known and will often change his mind. DA can not take cases to lose and are forced to plea bargin out in these crimes MOST of the time.
Family court is different in its focus , the evidence is very very different in family court its focus is safegaurding children and providing resources to HELP keep the family intact. A good family court judge and CPW will and often are the only safety net a CHILD has to survivie.
even if it means staying in a family for years( sometimes through two or three generation even!) saying Hello how are ya buddy ? to make their life more difficult and less able to carry on business as ususal. I do not consider this harrassment because I know they can not aford or have any desire to be in a family that does not need their services. to many cases to few workers if you saw the caseload of just one worker you would agree.. if a family is safe and able to maintian the safety and wellness of their children CPS is the very first ones to drop their services. Sadly we all have heard the storys of how CPS was involved in a family in the past, and then something tragic happens again.
child abuse repeats itself, often in a small city it is the same families needing resources gramma did mom does dad and brother have the same problem. it is not a large population that has extreem abuse it is often within the same families and it spreads, and continues from them because they refuse to have the help they need and carryit to other generations. most cases are not so grandious and news worthy they are just families struggling to make it through a crisis and need some help.
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CoolWaters
Shell,
I had to get out of the mental place I was in concerning those on this thread who want to play twig leader with Mo. The posts of mine that I erased were personal attacks. Not only is that against the rules here, but that is simply stooping to a level I need not stoop.
Mo's experiences are highly documented and links to the actual documentation of one of the records for one of the perps is posted here and on the Open Forum. Others have come forward to collaborate Mo's experiences and to tell of what the perp(s) have done in other areas...proving that twi, with full knowledge that they were aiding and abetting, simply moved pedophiles from one area to another while silencing parents...often with threats to the very lives of these parents.
All of this and yet there are people posting that Mo somehow brought it all upon herself and is still to blame because she has the courage to face this crap and tell what happened anyway.
Well, that gets to me! It's twi all over again. And, gawddammit, Mo's been through enough of that crap! Me too. All of us, in fact.
But it is one thing for me to participate in the telling of what happened...quite another for me to revert to my twi persona and get just as insulting, blaming and finger-pointing. So I just had to stop. Ya know?
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Shellon
Understood, CW and thanks.
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templelady
Social Services needed to do only one thing to save my family
With the help of the police remove my husband, from the home, and take whatever steps necessary to keep him away so he didn't kill us.
They didn't want to pursue this action
Instead for 7 years they put me on the hotseat,
on the two occassions he was arrested he was home within 24 hours. Everyone knew he was beating me and the kids-- they told me too my face--
but when I asked why they didn't arrest him and get him out of the house I was flat told that it was my responsibility to get him out.
DAy care I could handle, bills I could handle (if I could hide the money fast enough), houssehold tasks I could handle--I just needed them for one thing
And they wouldn't do it
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Brother Speed
MJ
Thank you for responding to my question. Thank you again for taking the time also to answer so thoroughly. I believe that my question has been answered in the affirmative by you and to that of my satisfaction. I do apologize for popping off like an A55. My action was unwarranted and inexcusable.
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Shellon
What the he!! is going on with this thread?
Ya'll believe something so quickly?
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Brother Speed
MJ answered my question and to my satisfaction. It was a fair question albeit as an A55 and it was a fair answer
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Abigail
"With the help of the police remove my husband, from the home, and take whatever steps necessary to keep him away so he didn't kill us.
They didn't want to pursue this action"
Mo,
I hear you even if certain others refuse to. I was fortunate in that things did not go so far in my situation. BUT I had the police out to my house on 3 occassions and NOT ONCE did they write up a police report. On one occassion, they took my (now) ex-husband's gun and still no report. Makes it very difficult when you go to court and there is no police report to back up what you have said.
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templelady
IN the mid 1990's laws were finally passed compelling police/social services to remove abusers.
No more "well we didn't see it",
No more "well it's his word against yours",
no more "well, you can leave but you can't take the kids",
no more "well, husbands and wives fight and sometimmes they fight violently".
Things are marginally better now but only because laws were enacted to COMPELL social services to act,
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Tom Strange
MJ... I just don't know what to say to that statement or a lot of your other statements... so I don't think I will...
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mj412
I believe sexual preditors, have power and money available to them and underground resource that can be availed when one of their own gets "hurt".
I also believe woman who truly have a problem with a man who is unrelenting and abusive a network to remove them happens, they go to another state. It is often paid for by private donantion and runs like an underground railroad with families volunteering to house mom and the kids till the crises is better. praise God almighty if you only knew the volumes of people who care and it begins with a cps worker fighting and aware. See a state worker can not have a conflict of interest they can not side with one parent over the other or make a judgement, that is up to a judge and the evidence provided. it is difficult.
But maybe sometimes a mom who is fear for her life can be staying with relatives or in a shelter waiting for the nightmare to end. and then someone metions a "friend" who has plane or bus tickets for tommorrow and leaves a phone # by accident . timing is everything in the courts, and a parent has to be strong enough to go and trust a stranger. They have to be strong enough to love their kids more than their boyfriend or husband their family their own life as they know it today. personly I believe it is the LORDS network. that is right that stupid old CPS worker knows nothing about how that person knocked on your door and said IM a friend and I want to help. true enough. they may know where your hiding in fear or what the next court case may determine and maybe even your address, but hey all that is public information once they get involved hmmm....
now im crying over this stupid thread.
WE are making changes, today if a domestic abuse call is made to the police BOTH mom and dad are charged. thank God!!!
As both of the idiots are hand cuffed and put into the car it is a CPS worker who is called in to take the kids to a place where maybe for the first time in their life they can sleep in peace without the choas their parents give their life. Now BOTH parents have to answer for why this is happening to the innocent children.
it is as it should be.
Before he can go to jail all the paper work is done and ready to go to court to get him out of the house and guess what???? charges are dropped in 93% of the cases because he is the only one who can pay the rent or has money for food . or the mom is found dead or close to it after good old boy brother bubba paid for his bail. and guess what for sure she dropped the charges that time!! go figure! it is a fine line the police walk as well.
Templelady
we are all sorry you were abused for 7 years. It kind of speaks volumes on your ability to keep your children safe, we help who we can and a mom willing to put up with abuse for as many years as you claim and never ask for help for her kids is not a person able to put her kids first and foremeost. You claim to be the only one in the household with money. YOu could have taken the kids and left. why didnt you?
Im sorry. I truly am. EVen if they do take out one of these men the womans next boyfriend will also abuse and maybe be worse . it is a cycle of abuse it is learned love it is attachment to what you know as life. It is learned before a child can speak for themselves.
They know it is a secret kind of love that no one eles can really understand not even yourself. why do ya stay?
maybe you didnt get involved in another abuse relationship or have more children to give to a victimizer. and Im happy for ya you paid a heavy price for sure for the lesson. But in fact most abused woman end up with another abuser unless they get the help they need for themselves and their children. How is it a attraction how do they know which woman will put up with abuse and allow their children to be abused or at least never notice ? they know because it is a type of learned behaviour a learned "love", as a very young child it is imprinted in both male and females. And they may even know it is wrong of course they do but it is the system or the social worker or the churchs problem NOT them! They love their children very much and they do really love them as they know how.
It may be the children need to be put with the other parent who is willing to work in the system I didnt say they were a better parent I said these are extremly troubled families with a very troubled past and they need help and to be involved in the only way any agency can do any type of monitoring or resource. options are limited. but agin in your case you didnt allow them a chance to help you, you gave your kids up. in that case the state has to allow the other parent full rights to their kids, no questions asked. their hands are tied.
ya know writing about this stuff doesnt thrill me and my motive is not to attack anyone, but I believe education is in order about why people end up in the crap we do. I have been through alot in my life, suffice to say my life has been no crystal stair, I do not post my troubles on an internet for people to attack. I sought help and I found prayer works. I see a world full of evil folks willing to hurt one another and destroy anything beautiful, but more important I recall the people who can stand on what He promises who can endure a mom torment as the judge orders supervised vistation with her husband and the toddlers dad because we all have rights as Americans. I see people willing to say we need to have priorities and education and a willing to understand HOW does this type of crime happen? The bible calls it generational mental health considers it a cycle of abuse. When the boy who was molested by his dad and quick and powerful intervention does not happen at a very young age guess what he thinks love is when he is a dad ? Alittle girl is silent about how mom or dad touches her and then has sex or even tried to tell mom once but she didnt really hear her , maybe it was the pills she took to cope or just the fact daddy hit her alot. or she was always at a bible meeting or work. And daddy said he would kill thebaby if he told anyway so she loved her parents the best she could and grew up to be a fine upstanding woman college educated and always did her best...a good girl.
She also will be attracted to what she knew as a mans love as a child she will love the type of man who loved her as a child. He will be the father for her children and She will not have ears to hear what she was never allowed to speak.
Temple lady I do hear you.
Do I blame the victim?
those engaged in behaviours that hurt innocent children need to stop. Those who abuse children learned to abuse as children. oftentimes influence such as drug use or alcoholism has been used from a young age to cope with the reality of the abuse and some will NEVER admit or even truly rememebr when it all started to go bad kind of like their whole life type of thing.. they are victims it is sad. I do not say fry the bastard or kill all the girls who make children for them I say take the kids away and take them away as far as you can forever and stay with them for a lifetime to be sure IT STOPS! So how does one in four girls end up molested and one in five boys ????? today ?? how because they are good decent people they are your family they are your friends and they are ya know very understanding and good with kids . they know your pain they understand, they love your family and you them. they look normal like shellon said.
victims become victimizers.
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Allan
sHELLON..IT'S O.K. TO DISAGREE WITH SOME OF YOU..this is a 'discussion forum' not a survivor series!
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Tom Strange
yeah Allan, it's OK to disagree... but there's really no excuse for your behavior or pious attitude...
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templelady
never ask for help for her kids
I asked them to get him out of the house!!!!
UNderground??
Strangers offering HElp??
PLane tickets???
Housing???
We are talking 1982-1989 in Anchorage Alaska
How DARE YOU pretend that the small advancements made in the last decade were even remotely avaiable to women outside of large population centers in the 1980's
How DARE YOU pretend that the services of today were available then
How DARE YOU pretend that social services even remotely gave a damn until laws forced them in to action
SO let me get this straight
He is beating the living daylights out of her and the kids so she gets arrested too and in your twisted little mindscape this is progress?!!?!?!?!??
How About this-- JUST ARREST THE PERSON DOING THE ABUSING!!!!
I know, that is an extremely complicated idea
AND OH YEAH while we are on the subject did you know that if a woman today in the United States reports her husband for Domestic violence she AUTOMATICALLY loses custody of her kids because she "Let" it happen.
Yup--that's sure fire way to encourage victims to ask for help
Yes in deedy just me makes me all warnm and fuzzy inside knowing MJ and her salwart associates are out there making life more hellacious and more difficult than ever for wqomen to get free of an abuser and still keep her kids.
My consolation is that you will have to stand before the GOd you profess to believe in and face the women whose children you have torn from their arms, the children who have lost their mothers because they had the bad fortune to marry an abuser, the families whose necks were surrounded by the legalistic millstones you delight in.
All so you could glory in the POWER of life and death you possess [As one social worker, female, told me "I have the POwer, and you are d--n well going to learn that before I am done with you!"] (she was the one sleeping with my husband)
Jesus offers salvation to those who repent--I would suggest that you still have time to repent of the evil which you and your corrupt system foist on the rest of your fellow mankind
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Ham
Maybe my former insult should stand.
Good grief. MJ You MUST have been high leadership in that joint before you left or got canned..
Same damned arrogance.
Ptooie..
I turn my back to you..
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Ham
No more.. at least from me on this one.
Sure is a testimony of what der vey did to people-
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Abigail
I read the court section in our newspaper. Week after week I read about small time drug dealers and people who commit petty larceny getting locked up for 3 - 5 years. Week after week I read about men who are arrested for domestic violence, assault with a deadly weapon, sexual abuse against children and they are required to take anger management courses and released in less that a year.
We have made babysteps but we have a long ways to go.
Sure - pack up and move away from your support (i.e. family) with small children and no job. Yeah that's the way to go. Easy, sure.
I'm guessing MJ has never tried to go to sleep at night knowing her abusive husband is sitting in his car at the end of the street watching the house. MJ's never had the cops tell her that even though you have a personal protection order out against him - he is free to sit at the end of the street because he's not within 100 feet of you.
Never had a wacked out nut case track her across the country after telling everyone he is going to bring her back home.
Ignorant.
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Belle
Ignorant and heartless.
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mj412
A woman being abused is an adult making huge bad choices for herself and her children. A man who hits a woman is also making bad choices for his life and his children. it takes two to tangle.
if you call the police and they suspect even suspect abuse no marks no confession they will arest both parites. YES! and the children will be taken out of the home until court can be held, they do not lose custody to lose custody takes a decade or more even when the parents have never followed the courts orders! ask Galen how long these families are allowed to have 'rights to their children" in fact it is very very rare children are taken away usualy the parents give them up because they do not want to jump thru the hoops the system demands of them such as drug testing and conseling.. but yet they themselves allowed small innocent children to be exposed and raised in abuse of such sort each day of their young life to imprint with to them what love must mean. so they to can grow up to meet the love of their life just like in in their own family.
Yes I applaud the fact both parties in domestic abuse will go to jail!
the victims are the children.
many times mom and dad end up back together till another bad day in hell in dysfunctional families. then the police are called again to say He hit me take him to jail! next month next day I love ya dear!
do not tell me you could not get an order of protection , do not tell me you couldnt legaly sperate from this man because it is done everyday but you had to give up something you did not know how to live without. him. and the dysfunction. the money the drugs whatever it was that kept you involved.
and you worked! you had the ability to pay to leave you just chose not to.
in my opinion a mom who allows her child to be exposed to that type of living arragement or loves herself so little to be abused by a man or anyone can not parent a child can not be responsible enough to parent a child.
many agree with me. NO longer can a man be blamed for the abuse in the house many times daddy is also tormented by mom, or threatened in some way to never see the kids again or she makes accusations because she can . No longer are dads at the very mercy of some Insane woman who wants to destroy him in some sick fantasy of paying back all the pain she has endured as a child or whatever insanity plays out in HER life.
men have a right to love their children NOW today and I thank God for it for years woman held the reigns tight on the kids and dads where only allowed to love or nuture under her demands and say so. That to is changin and I thank God for it.
by all means jail the abuser the one who hits and the ones who allow it.
it is a equal crime that both parents must answer to and for.
you said you gave your children up because of the MS. Welfare didnt take your children you gave them up when the dysfunction was stopped by DSS. it is common no choas no reason to keep those pesky kids around or fight for them anymore. the love was gone.
Society is getting serious with these screwed up individual who take a toll on the court systems and need constant supervision and cost a ton of money to house feed and /or keep under control for themselves. and their children.
In my town if the police are called three times to your house for whatever reason you get evicted by the town your out of here your troubled and a problem and a drain on decent citizens trying to live a peaceful life and the services we pay for all of us. the town will evict you the landlord has no say nor do the renters. it is a nasty world we live in and I am sorry it may end up in a police state with so many crying take care of me Im a victim Im a victim take care of me, and the next breath saying it is all your fault.
We have a case going to supreme court out of NY, a street prostitute and crack whore has has seven children put into the foster care system, one with its father , and is now pregnate and in jail with HER NINTH child!!! do you have any idea how much this costs and the drain on the resources this is?
the judge ordered her on birth control, lol I love it . the civil liberities are flying all the way to supreme court with this bad boy ruling!!! dam straight I hope it becomes a law.
aaaw the saga of men who abuse and the woman who love them.
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Belle
Save your fingers mj. I seriously doubt anyone is going to be reading anything you have to say.
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Abigail
"if you call the police and they suspect even suspect abuse no marks no confession they will arest both parites. YES! and the children will be taken out of the home until court can be held"
In my state, they don't arrest ANYONE unless there are obvious signs of abuse. And even then, the man is usually free again in a couple of days. Don't know what planet you are on - but that's how it works here.
"Yes I applaud the fact both parties in domestic abuse will go to jail!
the victims are the children. "
Sure it is. And everyday, there are also women who are denied an order of protection too. Cause some cop didn't file a police report. Or cause the man could afford a better lawyer. Or a dozen other reasons.
SICK, SICK, SICK. Most often the kids would be best left with the non-abusive parent and some serious family counseling and intervention.
"do not tell me you could not get an order of protection , do not tell me you couldnt legaly sperate from this man because it is done everyday "
"NO longer can a man be blamed for the abuse in the house "
Ahhh - it all becomes clear. Now I know who you are MJ - you're my ex-husband.
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Ham
Mo and gang, honestly see your wisdom in all of this.. perhaps a brawl IS in order here..
I'll just step out of the way. Done all I can do..
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Abigail
I've said it before and I will say it again - abusive people prey on people they think they can victimize. Here at the cafe, we have a few predators who LOVE to prey on those who expose their vulnerabilities.
If you can't figure out who the predators are - here's some quotes to help you recognize one. . . .
"victims become victimizers."
Not all do - but there are definitely SOME who have done just that.
" NO longer can a man be blamed for the abuse in the house "
"for years woman held the reigns (sic) tight on the kids"
Understand - I am all for the rights of fathers. But, this thread is about men who abuse and molest children. In this context, those statements are beyond indefensible.
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Abigail
and here's an interesting inconsistency to help show that the statement's made by a certain poster are more about preying on someone than about being passionate about what they believe . . . .
"phediles are master at illusion and are very good at appearance to the public eye to create an atmosphere of trust "
" child molesters are not grown men getting creepy one day they are true con men able to avoid being accused with years of practice and lies, they are driven by a desire that forces them to live with society norms, with a passion that is out of control. MOST do not get caught because they appear as normal and often times very helpful and loving of children. "
"few see a victim till it is to late. "
"child molesters are trusted loved and cherished by children and their families. child molesters seldom if ever admit to being wrong in their behaviour. "
"my wise old daughter said the other day we are trained to ignore our voice as woman in society to not ride agaisnt a man and his power."
hmmm - seems rather inconsistent to me anyway.
Except that, and the point is, it isn't that she doesn't get it. It's that at this moment getting doesn't suit her agenda.
Predator.
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