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First Post-TWI Church Experiences


Belle
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I was talking with a friend the other day and she was relaying to me her experience with attending a church for the first time since leaving TWI.

She felt uncomfortable and didn't want anyone to talk to her, although knowing that was an unrealisitc expectation. It was a very intense experience having spent so many years in TWI.

The point of my post:

How about you? What were your first experiences of venturing back into "church"? Any funny or horror stories? If you found a church "home" how did you find it and what do you like most about it?

edited to move these questions to the top for those who don't want to read the book of a post I wrote below. icon_biggrin.gif:D-->

I had the same feelings and my experiences are almost comical now, although I was pretty upset at the time. I was trying to remember which church a former co-worker attended and couldn't remember the name of it and couldn't find her phone number. I decided to go to the church where I *thought* she said she went.

I got all dressed up in my Sunday best and scooted off to church. Got there and it was all old people in their 70's and 80's with a few very young families scattered around. I sat on a pew all by myself and didn't really want anyone to talk to me, but was hoping desperately to see my friend. People would turn around occasionally and look at me, smile and turn back around, but not one person spoke to me.

It was a "contemporary" service with a small group at the front singing with words and pictures displayed on a huge screen for us to sing along. I'd never seen that before and the music was nice, but I had really wanted to hear some "traditional" songs that I hadn't heard since leaving the church. The message was really nice, though. I left feeling glad that I had come even if just for the message. BUT I was really craving some good ole hymn singing.

SOOOOO, I decided I had just enough time to make it to the traditional 12:00 service at the Baptist Church, so I booked it across town, got a parking spot in the very crowded area and walked to the main sanctuary where there was a greeter standing there in jeans. I should have known then to turn around. icon_smile.gif:)-->

I walked in and the place was filled with kids - grade school, middle school, jr high, high school...few adults. On the stage was a rock band set up complete with the plexi-glass around the drum set. Soooo....not only am I way too old for this crowd, I'm also way over dressed, but I'm here now, so I decide to stay.

The music was good even though it wasn't what I was hoping to hear and it was really cool seeing the kids singing, clapping and dancing (in a Baptist Church, nonetheless). THEN, the "minister" stood up to preach. I felt like I was back in TWI. icon_frown.gif:(--> He must have said, "Look at me!" about fifty times, he yelled and was instilling fear in these kids if they didn't speak of Christ to their friends and live for Him because the world is going to hell in a handbasket....typical Hell Fire and Brimstone of the Baptist church I grew up in and just as bad and accusing as anything I heard in TWI.

I left crestfallen and so disappointed. Maybe TWI was right. There IS nothing better out there.... I went back to the first church a few times but still no one spoke to me at all. I loved the message every week, but at least wanted one friend there. I found my friend and found out that she was attending the Methodist church around the corner from the one I had been attending looking for her.

They have two services every Sunday - one contemporary and one traditional. I can get whichever "fix" I'm in the mood for that week. The messages are always uplifting and they never claim to have a corner market on the truth, in fact, they do things together with other churches and - GASP! - even other denominations! I love this church! I've met some of the nicest people who don't have any hidden agendas and who don't bug me if I miss a Sunday or two. There are so many things I can get involved with IF I WANT TO and no pressure if I don't. icon_smile.gif:)-->

I'm not ready to go whole hog involved with any group, but if I was, this would be the best one for me. I really enjoy going and hearing what uplifts my spirit and encourages me. It's by far light years ahead of and better than TWI.

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After leaving TWI I went to a service at a church in the denomination that I had left when I joined TWI. The minister talked about how his church was the only true church and that if folks in other denominations wanted to go to heaven, then they would have to come around to his group. Oops...gotta go.

I spent a lot of time reading, studying and searching my own heart to decide what I wanted to believe, and have gone in a different direction spiritually than Christianity.

Although the choir at midnight Chistmas Eve mass 6 weeks after my ex-wife gave me the boot sounded great, especially after the "specially fortified" egg nog.

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I dunno.. I kind of didn't "fellowship" with anybody right after leaving, at least not in a religious or church sense.

I got a little more involved in the community though. Community organizations were what loy targeted with a lot of venom, and I thought that they might be the first logical place to go.

They weren't NEARLY as "devilish" as he portrayed.

Really- I had to go see for myself.

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Belle,

It was extremely hard for me to go to church too. But the one thing I determined myself to was that I refuse to let TWI take away my right to worship & still keep that kind of control over me. I am bound to continue until I find what's right for me spiritually. I won't let them win.

Vyctorya

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We first went to an American Baptist church, similar to one of the churches Belle describes, many elderly and a few young couples with kids. We actually joined this church, and left after about 2 1/2 years due to doctrinal differences. We still see some of these folks and are friendly, but they have gone in a direction that is not best for us. so we stayed home for a while.

After September 11th, we wanted to attend a church that taught out of the Bible, so we began to attend a Grace Brethren church. We still do, though we may never "join" a church again. They don't mind and don't push about it, we just don't get to vote on anything. That's fine. We do probably 85% contemporary music and 15% traditional hymns. We have a new senior pastor, a young guy, who is a fine preacher and does theme series of sermons on such topics as relationships, and also on a book of the Bible, such as the one now on Colossians.

Some of the folks at this church are very conservative and some are bossy. Most, though, are just good people trying to do the right thing. A couple of the women have set off alarm bells for me, but most of the time, we get along great. I honestly don't let myself get too emotionally involved with fellow churchgoers. I will always hold a part of myself back, even, in all honesty from God I think, because I will never trust like I did in TWI. People get too interested in my deepest darkest secrets, my past, my personal life, and my bull-sh-tometer goes off.

But I do really like this church. I am especially impressed by the tenderness and compassion with which they treat the children. I have never once seen a parent or a Sunday School teacher lose it with a child, or even raise their voice. They are handled as the precious gems they are. I feel perfectly comfortable with my extremely precious grandson in the toddlers' room. A far cry from TWI, where he would be systematically broken in spirit, initiative, and ability to think for himself.

Also, no ranting, raving, or accusing from any of the pastors. That's good, too.

WG

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Thanks, Y'all! icon_smile.gif:)-->

That fortified egg nog sounds pretty good, Oak!

Community organizations can be a blast, can't they, Ham? You get to meet some really neat, cool and "unique" people when you volunteer in the community. My neighbors are very involved in community support and civic organizations. They are always having a blast and I go to things where they are volunteering just to see them sometimes.

Good for you Vyctorya! And Welcome! icon_biggrin.gif:D--> Our involvement with TWI can certainly taint any interest in God and organized religion if we let it. That's a very healthy attitude and I'm still working on getting mine to that level. icon_smile.gif:)-->

WG, I thought those darn Baptists I grew up with might have changed, but was so disappointed that they hadn't. Trust and boundaries are issues with you too, huh? It stinks. I want to trust people and I want to feel completely comfortable, but there's always this little nagging in the back of my mind trying to figure out if there's an ulterior motive, how long the "niceness" is going to last, etc...... Dunno how involved I'll get with any group again, but it is nice to go be around really good, honest people and to sing, praise and hear uplifting messages.

Thanks!

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Belle take your time. Your out and free to do what you want. I am glad you found something that you like. Stick with it as long as you see the good. You are having an anniversy of two very seprate things and both hurt. Look for the good, you know what will rub you the wrong way. Enjoy yourself.

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Hi Belle,

Good questions ...

My situation is maybe a little different since I was raised in TWI, but I had the anti-church stuff drummed into me just the same. I remember once in high school my best friend (who was Catholic and had a beautiful voice) sang at her church and she wanted me to go with her sometimes to hear her sing and just hang out. I remember getting into some conflict with my parents about my going - they didn't try to stop me, but there was this very wary "watch out" kind of tone to what they said (I wish I could describe it better ... but the same tone they used if I mentioned a friend using tarot cards or doing seances ... it was basically anything that's not The Way is daaangerous and scaaaary, but we're not going to stop you, we're just saying be caaaareful). Anyway, I remember feeling uncomfortable the whole time I was at her church because of all my parents warnings ... it almost felt like I was somewhere evil (the rituals really creeped me out), even though I didn't really believe it deep down.

After college (Way recovery)I was leery of anything having to do with God, church, Christianity - anything. Wanted nothing to do with it. Even today I get very, very uncomfortable being in a traditional church (not because they're not enough like the Way but because the Way made me uncomfortable with anyone who believes they know the truth and their faith is the corect one).

Anyway, I still consider myself to be a spiritual person and I've wanted to find some place where I can go, doesn't have to be a church. I have found two places I can go that I feel fine in ... one is the Unitarian Universalist church because they don't tell you what to believe and they believe all beliefs are equally valid, though I have to say the services feel a little hippy dippy to me, if that makes sense. But it does feel like a place I can go to reconnect with the spiritual side of life.

Then there's Quaker meeting. I took a little quiz once where you answer questions about your spiritual/religious beliefs and it tells you which faith you align with most closely ... I turned out to be a liberal Quaker. I probably wouldn't have sought out Quaker meeting on my own, but my boyfriend was raised as a liberal Mennonite and he didn't find a Mennonite church here he likes, so he started going to Quaker meetings. I occasionally go with him. It's just very down to earth - a half hour of silence (which is kind of like meditation or communing to me) and then if someone feels moved to get up and say something, they do. No one preaches, which I like. The people are all salt of the earth and very concerned about social justice. I feel really comfortable there and always feel uplifted for the rest of the day after I go.

I need to go more often...

BluzieQ

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Thanks JustLoafing. I'm getting better at being patient with me. icon_smile.gif:)-->

Bluzie, I understand the creepy feeling. TWI taught us to be afraid of other christians in a way. That we would be opening ourselves up to devil spirits if we had anything to do with them, especially in their place of worship. Like playing with Ouija boards.

My therapist is a UU and I get the hippy dippy definition. icon_biggrin.gif:D--> I like their philosophy and acceptance of beliefs. I haven't been to a Quaker church or a UU service but have toyed with the idea. Maybe I'll look into it. Maybe not. Depends on the day and the mood. icon_smile.gif:)--> I appreciate your input. Thank you.

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I have been 'out' for over 10 years so I dont really remember my FIRST experience. In the past 10 years, I have been to the Episcopal Church for a funeral and a christening, Catholic churches for funerals, Baptist church with my dad on Father's Day for 4 years, Assembly of God for nieces' and nephews' special programs and a regular church service, the Baptist church that we attended as children on Mother's Day 3 years ago. Cant remember any other 'special occasions'. BUT NOW my hubby and I attend a church that has a wonderful pastor who I feel preaches from his heart and asks GOD to inspire him before each service.

Hubby was raised Holiness and we have been to a Pentacostal church also...just remembered that.

Anyway, it is sometimes hard for me to hear verses that twi seemed to LAUD above other verses in the Bible, BUT I will not allow twi and their manipulations to keep me from hearing a truly INSPIRED preaching from Bro. Bret. So I steel my mind and push out the crap from twi and I do reap the rewards. And even get my feet stepped on most every Sunday that I attend. redface.gif:o-->

My 'WOW sister' whose hubby was a Country Coor. told me a few years ago via email that they have decided that NO CHURCH or organization has a CORNER on the truth and that is what I adhere to. I also think someone posted this same thought.

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One of the things The Way did well, was to try and get us to actually read the Bible. Nevermind the rights and wrongs of Way docrine, ok. But, they did get us to read every book of the Bible, and that is something. The church youth meetings that i attended during my post way stints with organized christian religion was more of a social scene. I mean, very little bible, lots of singing, young people trying to teach with little of knowledge of the Bible, more singing, skits, then everyone partying like rockstars afterward. It was really FUN, yes, but very Bible lite. No delving into, "well, it says in the Greek text, blah blah blah". No breaking out the concordance, greek lexicon, and bible atlas to break down a verse.

So, when one comes from serious, intense bible research, teaching, and fellowship ministry, church seems like a walk in the park, especially the sing-song Young Life versions of grown up churches.

Ive been to grown up churches too. Slept through most of it. Recall how bored you were when rosealie would teach in that monotone, Southern drawl, and each sentence would seem like an eternity. Well, multiply that by 10, and thats how bored i was at grown up church. Nevermind the denomination, they all pretty much sucked. If you want to be a sheep,and get all the answers to life spoon fed to you by some poor shmuck on a pulpit, than church is for you. If you believe that Heaven is a real place, and is just waiting for us special christians who endure all the other non-christians and their deplorable,evil, threatening, and WRONG way of life....church is for you.

I(not you) cannot believe in that elitist bs that every church in this country offers as "answers" to lifes problems. If they were right, why isnt this country more united, prospering, and peaceful than ever?? I (not you) cannot sit in a pew, like some drone, hear the same ol bs about heaven and hell, be in the same company as people who think that Bush is God's MOGFODAT, refer to gays and lesbians, as those "****in faggots", call environmentalists "queernazis", and think the whole world is here for the benefit of white Christians. Call me crazy, but church is more like The Way-lite. More of the same mind control, less intense "biblical research". More singing and better stage productions, less control over people. But churches WILL tell you who to vote for, while The Way claims to be neutral on that point.

When i stopped putting God in the Christian box, and realized that God is bigger than any one religion, denomination, cult, that was a breakthrough. It would be nice to sit with people and read the Bible, without being apart of a group hell bent on world conquest and being apart of every aspect of your life, even telling you when to breathe. It would be nice to sit with people and read the Tao-Teh-Ching, Bhagavad Gita,and dare i say, the Koran!! oh wait, it CAn happen, with people that are called FRIENDS. these are humans who you feel an affinity to, and they feel an affinity to you, too. They do not care about your race, gender, religion, sexual preference, whatever, but share many common interests. You do not have to be apart of a religious cult or organization to obtain these "friends". Most people do not have many real friends, because there are strings attached. Like when you stop attending the prescribed church that your psuedo-friend is attending, see how long it will take before you never see that friend again. Something to think about...

A real friend will be there until the end, through thick and thin, through political debates, religious debates, EVERYTHING. Forging real friendships with our fellow humans, and fellow inhabitants that we share this planet with is the answer to the wedges that seperates us all. I am ALL ABOUT getting rid of the wedges, purposefully put there, to keep us seperated and fighting amongst ourselves. The religion wedge, the race wedge, the gender wedge, the money wedge, etc. etc.

You preach that, ill come to your church. wave.gif:wave:-->

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Thelema, sounds like a Unitarian Universalist church to me. That's what they do....read from and sing songs from all kinds of faiths. They promote all beliefs and every service is different because of that. You'll get bits and pieces from all different faiths in every service.

They also don't judge people or condemn them for their sexual preferences. wink2.gif;)-->

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After I left in 1989, (can I remember back that far?) I was a pure pagan. I chucked all my bible stuff and lived for me. (Which was the same as TWI only with vpw books.)

I did meet a girl however who I fell in love with and decided then that I would not hold on to my beliefs if it meant losing her.

She laid down the law that if we were going to get married, we would have to find a church.

My folks were driving 60 miles up to my town to go my mom's old church, so one Sunday I tagged along.

It was a great time. Most of the church knew my mom, so that made me automatic family! The pastor was great, he knew alot about TWI and he patiently and lovingly helped me see the error that was TWI.

My girlfriend started coming to this church after she talked with me. (It was not her tradition, but she was glad I could find something.)

We became engaged and the next fall, that pastor performed our ceremony.

We stayed there through college and then we stayed with the denomination (Free Methodist, an off-shoot icon_biggrin.gif:D--> of the Methodist Church) from 1990-97. We joined a megachurch before we moved to our current town and now we are part of the United Brethren Church (first denomination to begin in America.)

I have had great experiences in church and see a love for God and His people I never saw in TWI.

I recall my early years in TWI fondly if only because of the friendships I made. I rid myself of the teachings and doctrines years ago.

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hey wassup RADAR, (wink)

thanks, just keeping it real, and i know you are, too!!

see ya around the campfire...

def, nice story. once again, sometimes church is the answer. myself, i broke up with the chicks who tried to mold me into the goody two shoes christian, which i am not. LOTS of woman like to, er, help us bad boys out. most were what you would call....pretty. now im with one who loves me for who i am, and we are very open about religion and faith. maybe we will go to church on a sunday, or maybe we will dance around a maypole on saturday.

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