I've "pressed the issue" on a couple of occasions when it appeared the person didn't really want me to ask such questions and then tried to give me "non-answers". I asserted my right to ask and my right to get answers.
I simply cannot and will not put up with other people's "stuff" anymore. Period. They may label me some off-colored word over it, but I frankly don't care. I spent half my life trying to please everyone else and be the "good guy".
I just don't have the mental or emotional time to waste on it anymore.
I no longer even attempt to be the "good girl" and please people. ESPECIALLY when, as you said, Ham...you wouldn't even treat a DOG like that!!! No excuse for that kind of behavior and no reason to allow it. (and it actually shows how needy and immature a person is when they act that way)
I know what you mean when you say you don't know how good it really is.
tho.
today at work I went on break. I get one break in an eight hour shift for 15 minutes... I need to eat at that time because I start work very very early in the am. so I wnet back to work and had to go to the bathroom.. an emergency bathroom thing really so I told my co-worker and left.
when I got back she also reamed me a new one and TOLD me the only time I can go to the bathroom is when Im on break.
well I told her who the hell is she and to go straight to hell.
i did I cursed and everything. then when the boss came in I told her exactly what happened that i had left for an emergency bathroom break and she told me Im not allowed and my boss said "your kidding" . this woman has not even been there a month yet and is dictating who can pee and when I guess.
she went nuts thinking I would go behind her back like everyone eles seems to play at. I didnt I do not, I say it like it is for me and how I feel about it in front of all the smiling faces.
feel good ? yeah as long as I do not lose my job over it. Cause everyone rallied to her [poor wounded soul when she cried buckets of tears when the boss brought her in back. (get the scoop I guess) something to talk about.
so it can go either way.
i do not care . well I do but appartently not enough to keep my mouth shut anymore. hmpf. hand on hip.
with my grown kids I also have set some harsh boundaries when it comes to my ex and I. no they didnt ask to be from a broken home and Im so sorry things didnt work out like june cleaver family should for them, but I will NOt tolerate explaining choices we made as adults twenty years after the fact or pay emotional black mail with the grands because of mistakes I made when I was much younger than they are now.
oh they do not like it either. but again Im living with who I am and what I have done and they are just starting their own families... I say put the days and years in and then judge me with the same slate till then keep dreaming and hoping it will go so much better for your own and leave my life out of your judgement.
yeah it can be a dangerous business setting boundaries in life but without them, we never really own our own life anyways.
I hear ya, Ham! Been spending the better part of the last two months shedding myself of such folks. I, too, wonder if it's 'good' or what...but not enough to go back and re-invite them into my life...ya know?
mj, speaking of jobs...
I need to re-enter the work force and carry my fair share. It's not easy, though...been out of the work scene for over 3 years. Anyway, I went on an interview yesterday...the job was mine for the taking...but the people were very dishonest.
It wasn't the job they advertised. It wasn't the hours or pay they advertised. The 'product' was shoddy. The 'services' were nearly non-existent.
I told the folks that I'd take the job if they would consider me when a better position opened up. They said they couldn't promise me that.
I told them, "Well, then I'd be wasting my precious time here."
They blinked at me a few times. When I just stared back at them they got nasty.
"Don't you want to work for a living?" Well, um, yes.
"Are you too good for this kind of work?" Well, um, over-qualified for sure.
"Do you think you deserve better than others?" Well, um, not necessarily better than others, but certainly better than what you're offering and doing right now.
"Are you going to take our offer or not?" Well, um, NO.
All I could think throughout the whole interview was, "This is how I got started in twi...overlooking the obvious, being desperate, and being made to feel guilty for using my brain."
I was so ashamed of myself that I cried all the way to my car.
Then my hubs said, "Vic, you don't need this and neither do I. We'll make due until you find the right place for you. There's no reason to work someplace is guilt-tripping you and has you crying before you even start."
CW... good for you!! You have to ask, if it starts with deception, where is it gonna end?
I was desperate for work last year and TWICE started jobs only to find out that the hours "weren't quite" what I'd been told, neither was the pay, the benefits, the duties, the chain of command... and both bosses actually had the nerve to act like I was the bad guy when I left!! I guess "most" folks hate to go thru the process all over again, or are so desperate they would put up with the bait and switch, hoping it would get better.
No, sorry. Not me. Not ever again. And, yes, the questions CERTAINLY come up in your mind: am I an idiot? I can't afford to walk away from this job!! (or friendship, or fill-in-the-blank)
But that's my definition of zero-tolerance. I have ZERO tolerance for people stepping on me and being hypocritical and thinking they can get away with it. And while on the surface I may sometimes pay a high price, my peace of heart and peace of mind are far more valuable to me. And the bills still manage to get paid somehow.
I have seen it in "fellowships" groups of people claiming to want to worship God and love one another as well.
A guy went to the group I was in and he questioned the "leader", this was an off shoot fellowship.
ok the guy was strange, he really was an odd one...still living at home in his forties just tips the iceberg.. but so was the "leader" living a non typical white surburban life and I cant go into details but divorced of course and etc...
So this little guy made a fuss a few times and questioned what the "leader" told him to do with his life to fix it.
word got around. and it was troublesome.. of course CES claim it is the neutralizing of christians to have discussions about what the real important folks are doing in their private life.. so the hush hush was suppose to be the norm.
but the odd litle man made sense and my inner spirit told me so on so many occasions right before he was ridicled to scorn by the power players... I kept quiet as well.
I took my very young christian daughter once and he had brought a friend , who went on and on about how this guy had really helped him to become a christain and know God.
he also was laughed at . my kid looked at me and asked why cause she also thought he was a nice man who spoke for Jesus.
out of the mouth of babes. I slapped myself and said what needed to be said to the "man" in charge that he was unloving and pompous etc.
hey I think it id difficult to be honest with what ya think. I really do esp. when ya think everyone eles will disagree.
moral of the story I lost all the important people loving me and the odd one just floated away...
was it worth it?
no. I lost.
would I do it again? probably because I have to live with me most of all. I have another story of a time I actualy helped put a good man down and he lost his job because of what I said.
it haughts me it really haughts me. I did it to impress and it worked I impressed the right people. yet when times get rough and I want to blame and attack his voice still spooks me.
I lost my job he said Im not sure why..and I feel sorrow and guilt ten years later still ... that I can barely live with, and NEVER want to do again.
so at least I know my choices and what they may mean in this complex world of getting along.
my son asks me how some can sleep at night, I said ya know they do just fine , many do not give a second thought of lying and cheating another ,only of getting caught .. it is those of us who get nervous about caring about the next guy that has much trouble in doing a person wrong.
Ham, I went through something similar last year. It felt good for me to stand up to this lady. I decided that she wasn't a friend worth having if I was treated badly. I let her know she was no longer a friend of mine.
It felt good to have spoken up and be myself. After twi I will never let someone control me and put me down to manipulate me ever again. I'm better than that and deserve better.
I think, ham, that its the beginnings of loving yourself...at least for me and it feels good!!!!!!
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Steve!
Life is just too damned short to take that kind of BS from anybody.
I think it's a major step forward to be able to stop that crap in its tracks like that.
You deserve a round of applause!
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Belle
Good for you, Ham!!
Patcherself on the back; you deserve it!
I've "pressed the issue" on a couple of occasions when it appeared the person didn't really want me to ask such questions and then tried to give me "non-answers". I asserted my right to ask and my right to get answers.
It does feel good!
:D-->
Way to go!!
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Ham
The interesting thing, I saw it coming, a long way off. Seen it too many times before.
I told the person that they were not even supposed to treat a DOG like that. No less a human being.
That was the nicest thing I had to say.
The other thing- I could care less if the person chooses to sever friendship. Honestly don't give a damn. Its their choice, not mine.
But I didn't release pent up hostility or anything, just drew a line in the sand. Well, we'll see what happens I guess..
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TheHighWay
Ham, I'm right with you on this one...
I simply cannot and will not put up with other people's "stuff" anymore. Period. They may label me some off-colored word over it, but I frankly don't care. I spent half my life trying to please everyone else and be the "good guy".
I just don't have the mental or emotional time to waste on it anymore.
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waterbuffalo
Well done, Hammeroni. It feels good to draw the line and be assertive, doesn't it?
I'm sure they weren't being nice to you or you wouldn't have felt the need to put them in their place like that.
GOOD FOR YOU for taking care of you!!!!
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Shellon
Amen!
It's just not worth it, is it?
Whether it's here at GS, or in the 'real' world, I don't see the worth of being who I'm not, regardless, period.
Life is too dam short to be wimpy.
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Cindy!
I agree, too.
I no longer even attempt to be the "good girl" and please people. ESPECIALLY when, as you said, Ham...you wouldn't even treat a DOG like that!!! No excuse for that kind of behavior and no reason to allow it. (and it actually shows how needy and immature a person is when they act that way)
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Ham
Yep. Well, life may not be all about me, but there is a little bit of me in life anyway.
Gotta love yourself.
Before, I would have taken it for the greater good or something.
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mj412
I know what you mean when you say you don't know how good it really is.
tho.
today at work I went on break. I get one break in an eight hour shift for 15 minutes... I need to eat at that time because I start work very very early in the am. so I wnet back to work and had to go to the bathroom.. an emergency bathroom thing really so I told my co-worker and left.
when I got back she also reamed me a new one and TOLD me the only time I can go to the bathroom is when Im on break.
well I told her who the hell is she and to go straight to hell.
i did I cursed and everything. then when the boss came in I told her exactly what happened that i had left for an emergency bathroom break and she told me Im not allowed and my boss said "your kidding" . this woman has not even been there a month yet and is dictating who can pee and when I guess.
she went nuts thinking I would go behind her back like everyone eles seems to play at. I didnt I do not, I say it like it is for me and how I feel about it in front of all the smiling faces.
feel good ? yeah as long as I do not lose my job over it. Cause everyone rallied to her [poor wounded soul when she cried buckets of tears when the boss brought her in back. (get the scoop I guess) something to talk about.
so it can go either way.
i do not care . well I do but appartently not enough to keep my mouth shut anymore. hmpf. hand on hip.
with my grown kids I also have set some harsh boundaries when it comes to my ex and I. no they didnt ask to be from a broken home and Im so sorry things didnt work out like june cleaver family should for them, but I will NOt tolerate explaining choices we made as adults twenty years after the fact or pay emotional black mail with the grands because of mistakes I made when I was much younger than they are now.
oh they do not like it either. but again Im living with who I am and what I have done and they are just starting their own families... I say put the days and years in and then judge me with the same slate till then keep dreaming and hoping it will go so much better for your own and leave my life out of your judgement.
yeah it can be a dangerous business setting boundaries in life but without them, we never really own our own life anyways.
love
mj
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CoolWaters
I hear ya, Ham! Been spending the better part of the last two months shedding myself of such folks. I, too, wonder if it's 'good' or what...but not enough to go back and re-invite them into my life...ya know?
mj, speaking of jobs...
I need to re-enter the work force and carry my fair share. It's not easy, though...been out of the work scene for over 3 years. Anyway, I went on an interview yesterday...the job was mine for the taking...but the people were very dishonest.
It wasn't the job they advertised. It wasn't the hours or pay they advertised. The 'product' was shoddy. The 'services' were nearly non-existent.
I told the folks that I'd take the job if they would consider me when a better position opened up. They said they couldn't promise me that.
I told them, "Well, then I'd be wasting my precious time here."
They blinked at me a few times. When I just stared back at them they got nasty.
"Don't you want to work for a living?" Well, um, yes.
"Are you too good for this kind of work?" Well, um, over-qualified for sure.
"Do you think you deserve better than others?" Well, um, not necessarily better than others, but certainly better than what you're offering and doing right now.
"Are you going to take our offer or not?" Well, um, NO.
All I could think throughout the whole interview was, "This is how I got started in twi...overlooking the obvious, being desperate, and being made to feel guilty for using my brain."
I was so ashamed of myself that I cried all the way to my car.
Then my hubs said, "Vic, you don't need this and neither do I. We'll make due until you find the right place for you. There's no reason to work someplace is guilt-tripping you and has you crying before you even start."
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TheHighWay
CW... good for you!! You have to ask, if it starts with deception, where is it gonna end?
I was desperate for work last year and TWICE started jobs only to find out that the hours "weren't quite" what I'd been told, neither was the pay, the benefits, the duties, the chain of command... and both bosses actually had the nerve to act like I was the bad guy when I left!! I guess "most" folks hate to go thru the process all over again, or are so desperate they would put up with the bait and switch, hoping it would get better.
No, sorry. Not me. Not ever again. And, yes, the questions CERTAINLY come up in your mind: am I an idiot? I can't afford to walk away from this job!! (or friendship, or fill-in-the-blank)
But that's my definition of zero-tolerance. I have ZERO tolerance for people stepping on me and being hypocritical and thinking they can get away with it. And while on the surface I may sometimes pay a high price, my peace of heart and peace of mind are far more valuable to me. And the bills still manage to get paid somehow.
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mj412
I have seen it in "fellowships" groups of people claiming to want to worship God and love one another as well.
A guy went to the group I was in and he questioned the "leader", this was an off shoot fellowship.
ok the guy was strange, he really was an odd one...still living at home in his forties just tips the iceberg.. but so was the "leader" living a non typical white surburban life and I cant go into details but divorced of course and etc...
So this little guy made a fuss a few times and questioned what the "leader" told him to do with his life to fix it.
word got around. and it was troublesome.. of course CES claim it is the neutralizing of christians to have discussions about what the real important folks are doing in their private life.. so the hush hush was suppose to be the norm.
but the odd litle man made sense and my inner spirit told me so on so many occasions right before he was ridicled to scorn by the power players... I kept quiet as well.
I took my very young christian daughter once and he had brought a friend , who went on and on about how this guy had really helped him to become a christain and know God.
he also was laughed at . my kid looked at me and asked why cause she also thought he was a nice man who spoke for Jesus.
out of the mouth of babes. I slapped myself and said what needed to be said to the "man" in charge that he was unloving and pompous etc.
hey I think it id difficult to be honest with what ya think. I really do esp. when ya think everyone eles will disagree.
moral of the story I lost all the important people loving me and the odd one just floated away...
was it worth it?
no. I lost.
would I do it again? probably because I have to live with me most of all. I have another story of a time I actualy helped put a good man down and he lost his job because of what I said.
it haughts me it really haughts me. I did it to impress and it worked I impressed the right people. yet when times get rough and I want to blame and attack his voice still spooks me.
I lost my job he said Im not sure why..and I feel sorrow and guilt ten years later still ... that I can barely live with, and NEVER want to do again.
so at least I know my choices and what they may mean in this complex world of getting along.
my son asks me how some can sleep at night, I said ya know they do just fine , many do not give a second thought of lying and cheating another ,only of getting caught .. it is those of us who get nervous about caring about the next guy that has much trouble in doing a person wrong.
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vickles
Ham, I went through something similar last year. It felt good for me to stand up to this lady. I decided that she wasn't a friend worth having if I was treated badly. I let her know she was no longer a friend of mine.
It felt good to have spoken up and be myself. After twi I will never let someone control me and put me down to manipulate me ever again. I'm better than that and deserve better.
I think, ham, that its the beginnings of loving yourself...at least for me and it feels good!!!!!!
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dmiller
Words of Wisdom!!!
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