This is a true story with names omitted. It will explain everything...
A fifty-ish woman was at home happily jumping on her bed and squealing with delight. Her husband watches her for a while and asks, "Do you have any idea how ridiculous you look? What's the matter with you?"
The woman continues to bounce on the bed and says, "I don't care. I just came from having a mammogram and the doctor says I have the breasts of an 18 year-old !!! The husband said, "What did he say about your 56 Year-old foot?"
"... One of my friends stated last weekend that her husband had gotten so needy of her that it was smothering her. With the last kid gone she just can't take it anymore."
It has become obvious with me being retired that Bonnie really does not want me living full-time in the same house either. I dont know if I am 'too smothering' or not.
Bonnie has stated for years that she has wanted to be able to focus on her own career, without us being transfered every few years. At first, when I retired I was really focused on being 'Mr. Mom', but now without the foster children, we are just down to the one teenager. Since we lost the foster children, Bonnie has been encouraging me to move up to Maine for the summer to build our new home.
So I can see where it is possible that at some age ladies are more sensative to 'feeling' smothered: and thus want more 'space'.
"Plus, I think men in their fifties aren't into sex as much. Oh they say they are but when it comes down to it....."
I beg your pardon?
Well, perhaps such is the case seeing all the ads for drugs to help these older guys to get it up.
I am only 45, but I find it difficult to imagine the 'drive' going down.
"Isn't it that women are in their prime at the age of fourty or fifty where men are in their prime in their twenties?"
I have read this as well.
I dont entirely beleive it. My observations thus far would include that a female's libido varies with her marital status, and not her age.
"... I think a lot of men become used to everything the way it is and live from day to day."
I dont know, it could it. I dont think that I have gotten used to 'things', I have desired it to 'change' for twenty years. We are still each other's best friends, and I am sure that we complement each other very well. In most ways we are entirely devoted to each other's best interests. Over the course of 20-some years of marriage, we have rarely lived together under the same roof for more than a few months at a time [due to my career].
"... They don't see their wife unhappy even though its right in front of them."
I do see my wife is 'unhappy', but I do think it is this stupid menopause thing. Her peri-menopause has been going on [and off-again] for over ten years now. This latest [beginnning with her second heart-attack in December] has been these periods of continous 'flow' that goes for three to four weeks.
"The biggest way to tell that your marriage is falling apart, and this is IMHO, is in the bedroom. If there is nothing there then the marriage is basically over. Just going through the motions of it all."
Ordinarily I would agree.
Being a guy, and having worked in male-only environments most of my career; frustrated husbands are fairly common in our society. Is that an indication that all those marriages are failing? I dont know. It has appeared to me, as simply a normal function of today's society. So I have simply accepted that level of frustration as 'normal'.
Galen, your only 45 it will slow down. But as another male stated here he has learned other ways to satisfy a woman... :o-->
When I was married to my first husband he didn't care about my needs. Now my significant other is totally opposite.
Its not about sex that I'm talking about. Its if you really care about that person you will do whatever it takes to make that person happy. And sex is part of that. At least its a good sign.
I don't know if I'm explaining this well. Hope so anyways.. :)-->
A 75 year old man went in for his yearly physical, and the doctor said "You are in amazing shape for a man of your age. You must have inherited your longevity genes from your Dad. How long did he live??"
The man replied -- "Oh, Dad is still alive. He will be 96 in September."
The doctor was even more amazed, and said, "Wow!! He must have gotten those genes from his father then. How old was your grand-dad when he died??"
The man replied -- "Oh, Grand-pa is still alive too. He's turning 127 this year, and is getting married."
The doctor couldn't believe it, and had to ask "Why on earth would your grand-father want to get married, at age 127???"
Divorce is an awful thing to go through. Even the person that is divorcing the other. That was my experience anyways.
It seems that most people think that the answer is divorce and they try to find themselves. I don't believe that divorce is always the answer. But in our society it has become that way. Commitment to someone for the rest of our lives is not as important anymore.
I honestly believe that if your not being abused then why a divorce?
I'm a big fan of Dr Phil (as I should be...we graduated from the same high school! ;)--> ). One of the things he does concerning marriage is first and foremost state that everything can be worked out if people want to work it all out.
He also puts forth deal breakers. Abuse of any kind is a deal breaker.
These deal breakers, however, don't have to be marriage breakers.
If there is abuse, he calls for separation.
That's for the purpose of working things out without the insanity of abuse going on.
Even the bible allows for separation.
Divorce is a whole new ball game.
One that should be considered only after all else has failed, imo...and that 'all else' needs be quite exhaustive...imo.
Please don't feel cramped...I don't think that was the point...at least not on my part.
Good conversation gets rough...but that's the beauty of being grown up and free to think and feel how we think and feel...imo.
:)-->
Oh...PS...
Divorce is hell on everybody involved...even those peripherally involved...like posters on message boards...
The part about the men not being into sex as much came from a thread about how non important sex was with a man when they get older. It seemed a lot of men at that time agreed with it.
I am 52 and you couldn't prove that statement by me if I am representative of the male of the species in his 50 somethings . With that being said, our little soldiers at least occasionally have problems standing at attention. (Ah, let's be honest guys, sometimes the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak.) This brings me to my next point, if men of salt and pepper age weren't interested in sex then why would such drugs as viagra, ciallis and levitra (as well as natural remedies as horny goat weed and yohimbe) be such raving commercial successes?
Do you really think that it is you sex crazed women nagging us about going to the doctor to get a prescription that drives the interest in treatments for ED? I think not. You girls should know by the difficulty you have in getting us to take out the garbage or to put the toilet seat down that we are loathe to do the things that we we dont wanna. Can you imagine the difficulty you would have in getting us to go to the doctor (usually another man but even worse if the doc is a woman) and admit that our johnny doesn't always jump up in order to get a permission slip to get the magic elixir of youth?
Divorce is a death of sorts. Or more like a double suicide. Suicide/homicide. I dunno.
Just give yourself lots of room to grieve and vent.
You are very right on here. I wanted my divorce, I initiated it, but still I went through a grieving process for about a year and I can't fully explain it easily. A friend of mine told me that divorce is similar to a death, 'cept there's no honor.
You hit it on the nail gc. When I divorced it was because of abuse.
But I still grieve at times. Thinking about the would have beens sort of thing. The love that was lost.
There are five stages to death and I will look it up later and post it. It will fit perfectly with this thread. Unless someone else knows what the stages are. I know the first one is denial and the second one is anger.
I wonder if there are really three sides. I mean what is the truth? Both sides of a relationship see their side of the truth. A third person would not know the truth because they were not in the marriage with both.
To break it down to simple terms...when you are in an emotional situation like divorce...you are not always objective. So truth, in the midst of emotions depends on perspective for each individual involved.
Thus...one person sees it from their perspective, the other person sees it from their own perspective...and the truth of what has happened also exists.
There are not three people involved...there are two perspectives, strongly influenced by emotion...and there is the truth of what happened in the relationship.
For that line of reasoning to hold up you will need to go thru the forums and deleted endless threads.....as most threads pertain to PRIVATE MATTERS.
For example, The Unconventional Marriage thread, the Exposing Weakness thread and the MoneyHands threads all are discussing private matters between marital partners. Those threads are discussing the point of view of ONE of the marital partners and there are things we can all learn from the posts on those threads.
If you want to delete posts and moderate fine, that is your responsibility....my point here is that your reasoning is faulty in this case.
If you want to delete posts and moderate fine, that is your responsibility....my point here is that your reasoning is faulty in this case.
Radar
I would tend to agree. Most of the personal material had already been deleted from the individual posts, anyway. I think a lot of valuable learning may have been lost. :(-->
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Ron G.
This is a true story with names omitted. It will explain everything...
A fifty-ish woman was at home happily jumping on her bed and squealing with delight. Her husband watches her for a while and asks, "Do you have any idea how ridiculous you look? What's the matter with you?"
The woman continues to bounce on the bed and says, "I don't care. I just came from having a mammogram and the doctor says I have the breasts of an 18 year-old !!! The husband said, "What did he say about your 56 Year-old foot?"
"Your name never came up," she replied.
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gc
dek, That's pretty sad. I don't think one should be compared to anyone else, and reality should always prevail.
gc
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Galen
vickles:
"... One of my friends stated last weekend that her husband had gotten so needy of her that it was smothering her. With the last kid gone she just can't take it anymore."
It has become obvious with me being retired that Bonnie really does not want me living full-time in the same house either. I dont know if I am 'too smothering' or not.
Bonnie has stated for years that she has wanted to be able to focus on her own career, without us being transfered every few years. At first, when I retired I was really focused on being 'Mr. Mom', but now without the foster children, we are just down to the one teenager. Since we lost the foster children, Bonnie has been encouraging me to move up to Maine for the summer to build our new home.
So I can see where it is possible that at some age ladies are more sensative to 'feeling' smothered: and thus want more 'space'.
"Plus, I think men in their fifties aren't into sex as much. Oh they say they are but when it comes down to it....."
I beg your pardon?
Well, perhaps such is the case seeing all the ads for drugs to help these older guys to get it up.
I am only 45, but I find it difficult to imagine the 'drive' going down.
"Isn't it that women are in their prime at the age of fourty or fifty where men are in their prime in their twenties?"
I have read this as well.
I dont entirely beleive it. My observations thus far would include that a female's libido varies with her marital status, and not her age.
:-)
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Galen
vickles:
"... I think a lot of men become used to everything the way it is and live from day to day."
I dont know, it could it. I dont think that I have gotten used to 'things', I have desired it to 'change' for twenty years. We are still each other's best friends, and I am sure that we complement each other very well. In most ways we are entirely devoted to each other's best interests. Over the course of 20-some years of marriage, we have rarely lived together under the same roof for more than a few months at a time [due to my career].
"... They don't see their wife unhappy even though its right in front of them."
I do see my wife is 'unhappy', but I do think it is this stupid menopause thing. Her peri-menopause has been going on [and off-again] for over ten years now. This latest [beginnning with her second heart-attack in December] has been these periods of continous 'flow' that goes for three to four weeks.
"The biggest way to tell that your marriage is falling apart, and this is IMHO, is in the bedroom. If there is nothing there then the marriage is basically over. Just going through the motions of it all."
Ordinarily I would agree.
Being a guy, and having worked in male-only environments most of my career; frustrated husbands are fairly common in our society. Is that an indication that all those marriages are failing? I dont know. It has appeared to me, as simply a normal function of today's society. So I have simply accepted that level of frustration as 'normal'.
:-)
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vickles
Galen, your only 45 it will slow down. But as another male stated here he has learned other ways to satisfy a woman...
:o-->
When I was married to my first husband he didn't care about my needs. Now my significant other is totally opposite.
Its not about sex that I'm talking about. Its if you really care about that person you will do whatever it takes to make that person happy. And sex is part of that. At least its a good sign.
I don't know if I'm explaining this well. Hope so anyways..
:)-->
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dmiller
"Man things" --- Not if *handled* right!!
:D-->
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dmiller
Men don't always lose sex drive
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vickles
coolwaters that is very true. Sad but true.
Divorce is an awful thing to go through. Even the person that is divorcing the other. That was my experience anyways.
It seems that most people think that the answer is divorce and they try to find themselves. I don't believe that divorce is always the answer. But in our society it has become that way. Commitment to someone for the rest of our lives is not as important anymore.
I honestly believe that if your not being abused then why a divorce?
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CoolWaters
I'm a big fan of Dr Phil (as I should be...we graduated from the same high school!
;)--> ). One of the things he does concerning marriage is first and foremost state that everything can be worked out if people want to work it all out.
He also puts forth deal breakers. Abuse of any kind is a deal breaker.
These deal breakers, however, don't have to be marriage breakers.
If there is abuse, he calls for separation.
That's for the purpose of working things out without the insanity of abuse going on.
Even the bible allows for separation.
Divorce is a whole new ball game.
One that should be considered only after all else has failed, imo...and that 'all else' needs be quite exhaustive...imo.
Please don't feel cramped...I don't think that was the point...at least not on my part.
Good conversation gets rough...but that's the beauty of being grown up and free to think and feel how we think and feel...imo.
Oh...PS...
Divorce is hell on everybody involved...even those peripherally involved...like posters on message boards...
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oenophile
Originally posted by Vickles
The part about the men not being into sex as much came from a thread about how non important sex was with a man when they get older. It seemed a lot of men at that time agreed with it.
I am 52 and you couldn't prove that statement by me if I am representative of the male of the species in his 50 somethings
. With that being said, our little soldiers at least occasionally have problems standing at attention. (Ah, let's be honest guys, sometimes the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak.) This brings me to my next point, if men of salt and pepper age weren't interested in sex then why would such drugs as viagra, ciallis and levitra (as well as natural remedies as horny goat weed and yohimbe) be such raving commercial successes?
Do you really think that it is you sex crazed women nagging us about going to the doctor to get a prescription that drives the interest in treatments for ED? I think not. You girls should know by the difficulty you have in getting us to take out the garbage or to put the toilet seat down that we are loathe to do the things that we we dont wanna. Can you imagine the difficulty you would have in getting us to go to the doctor (usually another man but even worse if the doc is a woman) and admit that our johnny doesn't always jump up in order to get a permission slip to get the magic elixir of youth?
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vickles
Oen, what I'm trying to say is that it doesn't matter if the johnny does always jump or not. Thats when the fingers do the walking...
:o--> 
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Abigail
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gc
You are very right on here. I wanted my divorce, I initiated it, but still I went through a grieving process for about a year and I can't fully explain it easily. A friend of mine told me that divorce is similar to a death, 'cept there's no honor.
gc
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vickles
You hit it on the nail gc. When I divorced it was because of abuse.
But I still grieve at times. Thinking about the would have beens sort of thing. The love that was lost.
There are five stages to death and I will look it up later and post it. It will fit perfectly with this thread. Unless someone else knows what the stages are. I know the first one is denial and the second one is anger.
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coolchef1248 @adelphia.net
vickles i hope you do post the stages i would appriciate it
i have been divorced from the mother of my children for close to 20 years and still fell pain once in awhile,even though i am as happy as a clam now.
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Ham
Yep. It is like death of sorts.. and I think you have to experience it to understand it.
Before this, I had no idea what people were going through.
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Cindy!
The thing about divorces...or any break up....is that there are three sides.
1. His
2. Hers
3. The Truth
A divorce is a very difficult thing...even when it is sorely needed. The stages of divorce or breaking up are very difficult.
It's so good to see that gs'rs have responded to this with love and prayers for both Suz and George.
THAT is what SHOULD happen!
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vickles
I wonder if there are really three sides. I mean what is the truth? Both sides of a relationship see their side of the truth. A third person would not know the truth because they were not in the marriage with both.
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Cindy!
There was no third person mentioned, vickles.
To break it down to simple terms...when you are in an emotional situation like divorce...you are not always objective. So truth, in the midst of emotions depends on perspective for each individual involved.
Thus...one person sees it from their perspective, the other person sees it from their own perspective...and the truth of what has happened also exists.
There are not three people involved...there are two perspectives, strongly influenced by emotion...and there is the truth of what happened in the relationship.
Is that clearer for you?
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vickles
Thanks for explaining Cindy.
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vickles
Ok, here are the five steps to grief:
1. Denial and Isolation
2. Anger
3. Bargaining
4. Depression
5. Acceptance
Here is a site that explains it a little bit if your interested. There is more on the web to look at too.
http://www.imageforsuccess.com/Grief.htm
Hopefully the way I did it it will take you to the site.
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Mod Kirk
Several posts have been deleted that refer to a specific situation involving GS posters.
If your post contained other information that did not pertain to this situation, or if an innocent post was accidently axed, we apologize.
Please do not use the GS public forums to air your private matters.
For those who are not directly involved, pease do not use the GS public forums to discuss the private lives of GSers.
Thanks you
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Radar OReilly
Moddishwasher,
For that line of reasoning to hold up you will need to go thru the forums and deleted endless threads.....as most threads pertain to PRIVATE MATTERS.
For example, The Unconventional Marriage thread, the Exposing Weakness thread and the MoneyHands threads all are discussing private matters between marital partners. Those threads are discussing the point of view of ONE of the marital partners and there are things we can all learn from the posts on those threads.
If you want to delete posts and moderate fine, that is your responsibility....my point here is that your reasoning is faulty in this case.
Radar
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GeorgeStGeorge
I would tend to agree. Most of the personal material had already been deleted from the individual posts, anyway. I think a lot of valuable learning may have been lost.
:(-->
George
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