I have been divorced and single for twenty five years.
I raised my kids with intact whole families and marriages all around me in the christian circles.
or single woman desperate to get married again or for the first time.
now we are middle age.
few are still happy, and I mean to say happy not pretending. they look at me as a hero sometimes now and I recall not being invited or the pity I often felt from them before as I struggled with money and at times lonely or just not fitting in with the group third wheel stuff.
all those years they felt sorry for me raising the kids and having to work and money and ya know alone.
now the kids are gone I am still not impressing for what others may think, ad sometimes I realize they realize what I lived all along.
life and the responsibility for our happiness is on the shoulder of each individual alone.
it takes so very long to learn this lesson.
it is a blessing to have a partner to share your happiness with and to be cherished. but rare.
so many time we enter into relationships thinking we can resucue or be rescued from the problems we have from childhood or bad choices.
it is impossible. and I honestly think it takes a few years of tryingto "fix" everyone eles and then middle age happens at the same time to admit the possibly and take take the courage to take your own life and live it.
change upsets everyone but life itself demands to be lived when the fact comes into reality it truly isnt going to be forever. We now watch our parents age and it can wake us up to the fact life is only so long and to take action.
and I honestly think it takes a few years of tryingto "fix" everyone eles and then middle age happens at the same time to admit the possibly and take take the courage to take your own life and live it.
Right on!!!!!!!
*********************
LMAO, vickles!!!! I love being at the age I can say such things with such authority!!!!!!
Coolwaters, I totally agree with you. That is the fun thing about getting older. The sagging thing is part of life. Why not have fun with it?
MJ I agree with you. The first time I was married I think it was more of a caretaker sort of thing. The guy had lots of problems and I guess I thought I could take care of him. He had more problems than I could take. He was taking me down the drain with him.
I had to ask myself if the kids and I were better with him or without him. It scared me to think we were better without him but years later I know we are. We haven't seen nor heard from him for three years.
The kids have a father figure in their lives and he loves them.
I think that sometimes a spouse gets so dependant on the other that they forget that that person has needs too. They need to enjoy life and not feel that there is something wrapped around their necks.
I read somewhere that some women have an increase in natural DHEA during perimenopause, and so have an increase in their sex drive. If that should coincide with the hubby being less interested, I can see that would cause some strain, mid life crisis etc.
Don't really know--I think it is some type of hormone, Vickles. I ran across the info while surfing perimenopause.
Sis and I have both noticed 50 something women who seem to be wild and crazy where men are concerned, having wild ladies nights out etc. I think a factor would be that the kids are older, so mother's have more freedom and time.
DHEA is indeed a hormone and it is made in the adrenal glands. It is a precursor to other hormones...meaning the body uses it as a staple "backbone" to build other hormones with. Perhaps it is involved with a slight increase in progesterone which is the hormone helping control desire.
Don't forget, among other things that 50's women are out from under the presssure of is pregnancy so my guess is that they are now free enough to enjoy sex as much as they wanted to when they were younger but found other things restraining them.
If I may join in, I would guess that woman are making money unlike the wives of the 50's and 60's. (So, they can support themselves) And one day they realize they spent their whole life loosing themselves in their families. Then, one day they remember they are a person and want to be that person again.
Sometimes, they get a lot of flack from the spouse as they begin to have personal growth.
So, they never want to take a back seat again and they leave. They want their identity back and if hubby doesn't like it - too bad
If my mother had money she would have left in her 40's.
Because Im single and have been single, I get alot of married woman say their little inner wishes of being single again.
I laugh because if a person has been in a relationship for 20 or single for as long any change is going to be more difficult than staying the same. and certainly no warranty of being better.
the grass isnt greener and we often go with what we know in life.
I think about getting married. then I think about it.
I think married people sometimes think about being single. but they do not think about it. it is difficult to realize what being married for a duration means to someone who has not, and being single after life has been with a partner good or bad for a duration is radical as well .
I tell the woman to think and think hard. grass is not greener just diffferent. many people who have been married a good chunk of life, may leave, but then they seek another relationship and often get married again . male and female.
I tell the woman to think and think hard. grass is not greener just diffferent. many people who have been married a good chunk of life, may leave, but then they seek another relationship and often get married again . male and female.
Sometimes the grass is greener and has flowers too! :D-->
The one thing I didn't think about when I became single, but it wouldn't have stopped me, was that I would be loosing part of my family, my inlaws. :(-->
I think that sometimes people seek another relationship because they like what marriage can be or should be, others seek because they can't be alone, which isn't so great.
can't you have your own idenity and lose yourself in your family
also? wish i would have the chance
Of course you can, and, in fact, I think that would be ideal. But that takes work and planing on both husband and wife. Too many times each is so busy just getting through the day that they forget the relationship between them once existed for a reason - - and then when children are grown and gone.....there's nothing left.
Yes it takes work on both sides. But a lot of times one is willing to work and the other one isn't.
Several complaints I heard from my friends is that their husbands acted like they didn't really care. Then all of a sudden the man wants to change. A little bit too late in my opinion.
I'm only seeing it from the female side. I think a lot of men become used to everything the way it is and live from day to day. They don't see their wife unhappy even though its right in front of them.
The biggest way to tell that your marriage is falling apart, and this is IMHO, is in the bedroom. If there is nothing there then the marriage is basically over. Just going through the motions of it all.
Why is that? Why look at the bedroom? Because sleeping together and giving to each other is such a big part of a relationship. If that isn't there then most everything else isn't there too.
Now of course this is just what I have seen and from personal experience.
Recommended Posts
Top Posters In This Topic
18
14
51
12
Popular Days
Jul 2
42
Jun 28
35
Jul 10
26
Jul 11
23
Top Posters In This Topic
Cindy! 18 posts
rascal 14 posts
vickles 51 posts
Ham 12 posts
Popular Days
Jul 2 2005
42 posts
Jun 28 2005
35 posts
Jul 10 2005
26 posts
Jul 11 2005
23 posts
vickles
My dearest excie....a fun one though, yes?
Link to comment
Share on other sites
CoolWaters
Can you? Man boobs sag, too, ya know...as well as other man things...
;)-->
Link to comment
Share on other sites
vickles
OMG!!!!!!!!! Coolwaters. I do have to wipe the screen after that one!!!!!
LOLOLOLOLOL
Link to comment
Share on other sites
mj412
I have been divorced and single for twenty five years.
I raised my kids with intact whole families and marriages all around me in the christian circles.
or single woman desperate to get married again or for the first time.
now we are middle age.
few are still happy, and I mean to say happy not pretending. they look at me as a hero sometimes now and I recall not being invited or the pity I often felt from them before as I struggled with money and at times lonely or just not fitting in with the group third wheel stuff.
all those years they felt sorry for me raising the kids and having to work and money and ya know alone.
now the kids are gone I am still not impressing for what others may think, ad sometimes I realize they realize what I lived all along.
life and the responsibility for our happiness is on the shoulder of each individual alone.
it takes so very long to learn this lesson.
it is a blessing to have a partner to share your happiness with and to be cherished. but rare.
so many time we enter into relationships thinking we can resucue or be rescued from the problems we have from childhood or bad choices.
it is impossible. and I honestly think it takes a few years of tryingto "fix" everyone eles and then middle age happens at the same time to admit the possibly and take take the courage to take your own life and live it.
change upsets everyone but life itself demands to be lived when the fact comes into reality it truly isnt going to be forever. We now watch our parents age and it can wake us up to the fact life is only so long and to take action.
Link to comment
Share on other sites
CoolWaters
Right on!!!!!!!
*********************
LMAO, vickles!!!! I love being at the age I can say such things with such authority!!!!!!
LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Link to comment
Share on other sites
vickles
Coolwaters, I totally agree with you. That is the fun thing about getting older. The sagging thing is part of life. Why not have fun with it?
MJ I agree with you. The first time I was married I think it was more of a caretaker sort of thing. The guy had lots of problems and I guess I thought I could take care of him. He had more problems than I could take. He was taking me down the drain with him.
I had to ask myself if the kids and I were better with him or without him. It scared me to think we were better without him but years later I know we are. We haven't seen nor heard from him for three years.
The kids have a father figure in their lives and he loves them.
I think that sometimes a spouse gets so dependant on the other that they forget that that person has needs too. They need to enjoy life and not feel that there is something wrapped around their necks.
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Bramble
I read somewhere that some women have an increase in natural DHEA during perimenopause, and so have an increase in their sex drive. If that should coincide with the hubby being less interested, I can see that would cause some strain, mid life crisis etc.
Link to comment
Share on other sites
vickles
What is DHEA, Bramble?
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Bramble
Don't really know--I think it is some type of hormone, Vickles. I ran across the info while surfing perimenopause.
Sis and I have both noticed 50 something women who seem to be wild and crazy where men are concerned, having wild ladies nights out etc. I think a factor would be that the kids are older, so mother's have more freedom and time.
Link to comment
Share on other sites
johniam
What is this: Thelma and Louise, the THREAD?
Link to comment
Share on other sites
CoolWaters
Yes, it is....and...?
;)-->
(Don't forget Darlene!)
Link to comment
Share on other sites
coolchef1248 @adelphia.net
little hawk
help i married one last year! i can't keep up{pun intended}!
Link to comment
Share on other sites
coolchef1248 @adelphia.net
coolwaters
sadly you are way too right!
but, can i say it??
a guy can never lose a tongue on ! woops i said it
hope i didn't offend anyone
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Belle
Yep, Don't forget Darlene!
:D-->
Chef,
:o-->
Link to comment
Share on other sites
vickles
LMAO Chef you are ssssooo funny..
:o--> 
:o--> 
:o--> 
:o-->
But it is true. You sound like a good man. A lot of men out there just care about getting their needs met. When they are done thats it.
Maybe thats why women in the fifties are leaving.
Link to comment
Share on other sites
krys
DHEA is indeed a hormone and it is made in the adrenal glands. It is a precursor to other hormones...meaning the body uses it as a staple "backbone" to build other hormones with. Perhaps it is involved with a slight increase in progesterone which is the hormone helping control desire.
Don't forget, among other things that 50's women are out from under the presssure of is pregnancy so my guess is that they are now free enough to enjoy sex as much as they wanted to when they were younger but found other things restraining them.
Link to comment
Share on other sites
coolchef1248 @adelphia.net
vickles
i always thought it was about meeting your parteners needs really
if everyone thought that way sex theropist would be on food stamps!lol
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Groovy Gal
If I may join in, I would guess that woman are making money unlike the wives of the 50's and 60's. (So, they can support themselves) And one day they realize they spent their whole life loosing themselves in their families. Then, one day they remember they are a person and want to be that person again.
Sometimes, they get a lot of flack from the spouse as they begin to have personal growth.
So, they never want to take a back seat again and they leave. They want their identity back and if hubby doesn't like it - too bad
If my mother had money she would have left in her 40's.
Just a thought
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Linda Z
I guess I'm just ahead of my time. I divorced in my twenties and did the younger man thing in my forties. Dunno what's next!
Link to comment
Share on other sites
coolchef1248 @adelphia.net
gee
can't you have your own idenity and lose yourself in your family
also? wish i would have the chance
Link to comment
Share on other sites
mj412
Because Im single and have been single, I get alot of married woman say their little inner wishes of being single again.
I laugh because if a person has been in a relationship for 20 or single for as long any change is going to be more difficult than staying the same. and certainly no warranty of being better.
the grass isnt greener and we often go with what we know in life.
I think about getting married. then I think about it.
I think married people sometimes think about being single. but they do not think about it. it is difficult to realize what being married for a duration means to someone who has not, and being single after life has been with a partner good or bad for a duration is radical as well .
I tell the woman to think and think hard. grass is not greener just diffferent. many people who have been married a good chunk of life, may leave, but then they seek another relationship and often get married again . male and female.
Link to comment
Share on other sites
gc
Sometimes the grass is greener and has flowers too!
:D-->
The one thing I didn't think about when I became single, but it wouldn't have stopped me, was that I would be loosing part of my family, my inlaws.
:(-->
I think that sometimes people seek another relationship because they like what marriage can be or should be, others seek because they can't be alone, which isn't so great.
gc
Edited by gcaseyLink to comment
Share on other sites
krys
Of course you can, and, in fact, I think that would be ideal. But that takes work and planing on both husband and wife. Too many times each is so busy just getting through the day that they forget the relationship between them once existed for a reason - - and then when children are grown and gone.....there's nothing left.
That's a shame, but I understand it.
Link to comment
Share on other sites
vickles
Yes it takes work on both sides. But a lot of times one is willing to work and the other one isn't.
Several complaints I heard from my friends is that their husbands acted like they didn't really care. Then all of a sudden the man wants to change. A little bit too late in my opinion.
I'm only seeing it from the female side. I think a lot of men become used to everything the way it is and live from day to day. They don't see their wife unhappy even though its right in front of them.
The biggest way to tell that your marriage is falling apart, and this is IMHO, is in the bedroom. If there is nothing there then the marriage is basically over. Just going through the motions of it all.
Why is that? Why look at the bedroom? Because sleeping together and giving to each other is such a big part of a relationship. If that isn't there then most everything else isn't there too.
Now of course this is just what I have seen and from personal experience.
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.