It's not just the kids leaving. Often, it's the husband retiring and "moving in," so to speak. If the wife hasn't had to deal with a full-time spouse for over twenty years, it can be a tough adjustment.
One of my friends stated last weekend that her husband had gotten so needy of her that it was smothering her. With the last kid gone she just can't take it anymore.
Maybe the marriages weren't that great but stayed because of the kids.
I think it's a midlife crisis thing. I've read that women are more affected by it than men these days. My wife, in the last 2 years, has taken up golf and ballroom dancing, bought a fast car, taken performance driving lessons, gotten LASIK surgery and gone on a cruise. My daughter and I just watch and wonder what's going on.
It might not be so weird when you think about it and realize that the women who are reaching their fifties now are the same women who did not stay home and raise families ala fifties and-sixties-Happy-Days/Father-Knows-Best fame.
These ladies now are part of the generation that helped turn women's lib around and were hippies n rebels n such.
Probably what you're seeing are women who just have had enough of whatever they've had enough of and are ready to LIVE and be HAPPY!!!
At least that's what I've seen from the women in their fifties that I know.
I found it interesting because in the space of about two weeks several friends of mine shared with me that they are divorcing. To me it seemed like an epidemic or something.
I remember my mother sharing with me when she was in her fifties how sometimes it seemed that she had a brother instead of a husband. Our relationship with our husbands constantly change. Sometimes it makes it and sometimes not.
Most of the women I know that are going through this have husbands that just are not outgoing where the women are. I don't know if the men were outgoing when they first met.
Maybe they feel that life is too boring with these kind of men. And want a better life.
Vickles, I wasn't in my 50's, but my 40's when I divorced. When I realized that my marriage was terrible I promised myself that I would give my marriage until my son was finished school. He was two years into college (and I was 42) when I was seperated. It was not a mid-life crisis, but an "enough was enough" situation.
Women today are not totally dependent on their spouses for support so they don't have to put up with a bad marriage. I also think more and more women aren't buying the church's angle on marriage and divorce so they are more free to live a better life, what ever that means to them.
Jim, Maybe your wife is enjoying doing things just for herself, things she has always wanted to do? :)--> I had to wait until I was single again to do things for me that I wanted to do.
Plus, I think men in their fifties aren't into sex as much. Oh they say they are but when it comes down to it..... Red Face
Isn't it that women are in their prime at the age of fourty or fifty where men are in their prime in their twenties?
Oh Geeze! If that's true then I know someone who's in for a world of hurt if he continues hanging around with me. :D-->
Vickles, my parents got married at 18 and 21 because my mom was preggers with me. They had some rocky times, but they are happier now than they ever have been. It's awesome to see them together and to hear how much more patient Daddy is with Mama and how much fun Mama is having doing her "own thing".
Now, Daddy did buy a Mustang Convertible and Mama has gone on quite a few "girly trips" to NYC, Chicago and other fun places. They are both having a blast in their own way and they still have fun together. It's a big change from what it was like growing up with them.
I'm happy for them, but my kids are never gonna believe the stories I wanted to tell them about Grandpa and Grandma. ;)-->
Every single woman I have talked to has had the same problem with their marriage....a number of "manifestations" of that problem....but the same problem, nonetheless.
At the risk of sounding simplistic....they all...every single one....knew that they were not important to their husbands.
Whether this was through verbal clues, physical clues, or simply absence...it is true for each one of them.
When they took action...the husband would "wake up" but only to how it was affecting him....not to any real depth.
On the other hand...I also have many women friends in their fifties who feel valued, loved, and cherished by their husbands and would sooner tear a limb off than leave someone whom they are, feel and continue to be so very close to and cherished by.
Sometime 'long about 43/44 me and my friends started 'waking up'...now at 46/47 we're like 'how in the hell did we end up like this????'...I'm the only one left who is still married...and that took/takes LOTS of doing...
It's not just with marriage, either. At 44 I completely dumped everything I knew about Christianity and went on what my husband calls my 'Pagan Trip'. I quit babysitting so much for my granddaughter, too...told my daughter that I didn't have a baby...I just wanted to have my granddaughter over for play. I also take a stand for myself more often now...and stick to my inner sense of values.
As for younger men...
Ladies, it's THE thing to do nowadays...and those younger men are relying on us...as if it's our job to raise them! Yeah...right...eye candy is one thing (and OH BOY is it a thing!)...but I'm through raising kids. Not a day goes by, however, that when I'm out and about some young thang lookin' so fine gives me one of those looks and starts up a conversation. It's a whole lot of fun for the ego, but who needs the cling-ons? A Bounce in one's purse helps. Hehehe.
Anyway, this is the age of awakening, imo...and if that means one awakens to the reality of one's marriage, then the other best wake up, too.
LOL...CoolChef...I hears ya! I wouldn't mind finding me a 50ish sex craved woman. I's probably take her out every night and occassionally in tha daytime too!
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GeorgeStGeorge
It's not just the kids leaving. Often, it's the husband retiring and "moving in," so to speak. If the wife hasn't had to deal with a full-time spouse for over twenty years, it can be a tough adjustment.
George
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vickles
Could be George.
One of my friends stated last weekend that her husband had gotten so needy of her that it was smothering her. With the last kid gone she just can't take it anymore.
Maybe the marriages weren't that great but stayed because of the kids.
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vickles
It just puzzles me.
I was wondering if it was something like changes men go through and buy a sports car to feel young again.
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Steve!
A big part of it is that the couple's lives is their children, they don't work on their relationship together.
So when the children are all out, then all of a sudden the couple has nothing in common - they are strangers.
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Jim
I think it's a midlife crisis thing. I've read that women are more affected by it than men these days. My wife, in the last 2 years, has taken up golf and ballroom dancing, bought a fast car, taken performance driving lessons, gotten LASIK surgery and gone on a cruise. My daughter and I just watch and wonder what's going on.
It's a funny world.
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vickles
Jim in what you read did it say why this is happening?
And its rather weird to me that its more women than men nowadays that go through this.
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Cindy!
It might not be so weird when you think about it and realize that the women who are reaching their fifties now are the same women who did not stay home and raise families ala fifties and-sixties-Happy-Days/Father-Knows-Best fame.
These ladies now are part of the generation that helped turn women's lib around and were hippies n rebels n such.
Probably what you're seeing are women who just have had enough of whatever they've had enough of and are ready to LIVE and be HAPPY!!!
At least that's what I've seen from the women in their fifties that I know.
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Ham
I think a lot of them are just finding out who or what they really married. It may take twenty five or so years. Or maybe they just forgot.
I think my ex figured out that I was from outer space or something. I won't argue..
Can either be a good thing, or scare the carp out of them. I witnessed the latter of the two.
We were ALMOST fifty. Does that count?
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vickles
Well of course, Mr. Ham.
:P-->
I found it interesting because in the space of about two weeks several friends of mine shared with me that they are divorcing. To me it seemed like an epidemic or something.
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vickles
I remember my mother sharing with me when she was in her fifties how sometimes it seemed that she had a brother instead of a husband. Our relationship with our husbands constantly change. Sometimes it makes it and sometimes not.
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Jim
I think this (registration required) article was the one I was thinking of.
A Google search on women midlife crisis turns up a zillion hits.
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Wacky Funster
They finally woke up and smelled the coffee!!!!
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vickles
I think you may be right, wacky.
Most of the women I know that are going through this have husbands that just are not outgoing where the women are. I don't know if the men were outgoing when they first met.
Maybe they feel that life is too boring with these kind of men. And want a better life.
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vickles
Plus, I think men in their fifties aren't into sex as much. Oh they say they are but when it comes down to it.....
:o-->
Isn't it that women are in their prime at the age of fourty or fifty where men are in their prime in their twenties?
Makes want to go out and get a young man...
-->
Just kidding on getting a younger man...hehe
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gc
Vickles, I wasn't in my 50's, but my 40's when I divorced. When I realized that my marriage was terrible I promised myself that I would give my marriage until my son was finished school. He was two years into college (and I was 42) when I was seperated. It was not a mid-life crisis, but an "enough was enough" situation.
Women today are not totally dependent on their spouses for support so they don't have to put up with a bad marriage. I also think more and more women aren't buying the church's angle on marriage and divorce so they are more free to live a better life, what ever that means to them.
Jim, Maybe your wife is enjoying doing things just for herself, things she has always wanted to do?
:)--> I had to wait until I was single again to do things for me that I wanted to do.
gc
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vickles
Sorry men..
:(-->
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vickles
I do agree with you, gc in some cases this is true.
But what about the ones that thought their marriages were ok and then out of the blue just say they want out?
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Belle
Oh Geeze! If that's true then I know someone who's in for a world of hurt if he continues hanging around with me.
:D-->
Vickles, my parents got married at 18 and 21 because my mom was preggers with me. They had some rocky times, but they are happier now than they ever have been. It's awesome to see them together and to hear how much more patient Daddy is with Mama and how much fun Mama is having doing her "own thing".
Now, Daddy did buy a Mustang Convertible and Mama has gone on quite a few "girly trips" to NYC, Chicago and other fun places. They are both having a blast in their own way and they still have fun together. It's a big change from what it was like growing up with them.
I'm happy for them, but my kids are never gonna believe the stories I wanted to tell them about Grandpa and Grandma.
;)-->
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gc
Vickles, That I don't understand. Coming from the angle of wanting a good marriage, is hard to watch someone kill a good one.
gc
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Cindy!
Every single woman I have talked to has had the same problem with their marriage....a number of "manifestations" of that problem....but the same problem, nonetheless.
At the risk of sounding simplistic....they all...every single one....knew that they were not important to their husbands.
Whether this was through verbal clues, physical clues, or simply absence...it is true for each one of them.
When they took action...the husband would "wake up" but only to how it was affecting him....not to any real depth.
On the other hand...I also have many women friends in their fifties who feel valued, loved, and cherished by their husbands and would sooner tear a limb off than leave someone whom they are, feel and continue to be so very close to and cherished by.
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CoolWaters
Sometime 'long about 43/44 me and my friends started 'waking up'...now at 46/47 we're like 'how in the hell did we end up like this????'...I'm the only one left who is still married...and that took/takes LOTS of doing...
It's not just with marriage, either. At 44 I completely dumped everything I knew about Christianity and went on what my husband calls my 'Pagan Trip'. I quit babysitting so much for my granddaughter, too...told my daughter that I didn't have a baby...I just wanted to have my granddaughter over for play. I also take a stand for myself more often now...and stick to my inner sense of values.
As for younger men...
Ladies, it's THE thing to do nowadays...and those younger men are relying on us...as if it's our job to raise them! Yeah...right...eye candy is one thing (and OH BOY is it a thing!)...but I'm through raising kids. Not a day goes by, however, that when I'm out and about some young thang lookin' so fine gives me one of those looks and starts up a conversation. It's a whole lot of fun for the ego, but who needs the cling-ons? A Bounce in one's purse helps. Hehehe.
Anyway, this is the age of awakening, imo...and if that means one awakens to the reality of one's marriage, then the other best wake up, too.
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coolchef1248 @adelphia.net
holy hell ladies
it is a two way street
it can't always be the guys fault!
can you still do dear abbys pencil test! lol
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Littlehawk
LOL...CoolChef...I hears ya! I wouldn't mind finding me a 50ish sex craved woman. I's probably take her out every night and occassionally in tha daytime too!
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excathedra
ohmygod what a thread !
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