An abuser, murderer, rapist, molester doesn't advertise.
That might seem strange to say but it's true.
If s/he let others know what their 'other life' was like, they'd not get away with it.
Making it personal, but one reason I don't date is because the dude isn't gonna wear a shirt or forehead tattoo that says 'as soon as I get your trust,I'll start hitting you or messing with your little girl'
Were it that simple.....
Abusers of every kind get very adept at hiding their behavior. They get bolder in their crimes, but that just causes them to find better ways to hide it.
It's part of the crime: hiding it.
This sick *** had a blog telling about his life and behavior. He talked about it regularly.
Sociopaths have no regard for others' yet 'appear' to as they are usually polite, contributing members of a community. But they are smart enough to know how to fake it very well.
Ted Bundy was a student of the law; perfect place to know how to avoid detection. He had a personality that drew people to him; a very normal nice guy.
That's how he knew he'd get away with his crimes.
You'll note that the mama's who killed their babies ( Yates, etc) got the same labels from their neighbors. They seemed so normal.
It's part of their game so as to not draw attention to themselves.
I would say probably all the above. But mostly sociopathic behavior is rather hard to tell unless your with that person for a period of time. They appear normal and act pretty normal. They know how to manipulate people to what they want. They study people for their own purposes.
A sociopath does not know how to feel. They know how to act like they are feeling but don't have it in them. It doesn't bother them who they hurt unless it will effect them somehow.
Also.... if we as neighbors said " I knew s/he was molesting children " then we'd be culpable. And the neighbor (s) can't admit it at this point if s/he thought something seemed wierd and did nothing. Which is more the problem already.
Society still can't accept that molestation/assault/rape of little boys and girls is a huge problem. It's too frightening to look at, to bring that close to home. Were it taken as seriously as it really is, this man and so many others would never see the light of day. But alas......it's allowed to go on.
Shellon, Wow, that is a great site. I'm going to look at the other stuff they have when I have time.
Sociopaths are ones that are able to get people to like them and then take everything from them, love, money, sex and then when nothing is left to drop them....it reminds me of my ex. Oh yeah, he fits in all the categories.
Scarey shi+ huh? And people that we've come across in our lives that trashed it in some way or even just tried cuz they thought they could......seemed perfectly normal didn't they?
Exactly, Raf, and that is the point. People only get to know this guy on the surface. And that's how he wants it. He knows he gets into trouble when he lets his cruelty show. So he knows how to fake it, with politeness, gentleness, even largesse at times.
And it works. Good neighbors are polite, they don't make a mess or a racket. So the antisocial is seen as a good person, because he is a good neighbor.
The antisocial person prides himself in pulling the wool over the eyes of such imbeciles as those around him. He does not know how to really care deeply about others. He rationalizes that others don't know, either, that they are all hiding their scams beneath a cloak of politeness, too.
...and we ARE more isolated from each other than a few generations ago...before there were cars...and television...and a few other things.
100 years ago, folks didn't travel very far from home...and people walked...and they visited their neighbors...and they had a greater sense of who was who.
I think it's much easier for these sickos to blend in today, because so many folks interact on a very superficial level...almost everyone knows how to smile and throw out a few one liners..."He seemed normal"...and then barricade yourself in the house, watching TV all night...We simply don't get to know people very well anymore.
...And when it comes to these creeps, we need safeguards. Maybe a tatoo on their foreheads?
This very subject of sociopath came up with a psyhologist and me on friday. Funny how that happens...lol
I had always thought that a sociopath was born with it. But he explained to me one of the things to look for would be if he had someone in his life while growing up was very very strict and someone, a co-parent, who was not. The co-parent being a person that felt sorry for him and would do things behind the back of the other parent, undermining that person.
This is where the lies, charming, and manipulating stuff comes from.
I find it also interesting in the article that shellon posted that it begins with an underlining anger. Which to me means most likely with all the undermining, lies, and sneaking around that the child most likely would have a deep seated anger with the parent that was very strict.
Also.... if we as neighbors said " I knew s/he was molesting children " then we'd be culpable. And the neighbor (s) can't admit it at this point if s/he thought something seemed wierd and did nothing. Which is more the problem already.
Of course, if someone knew a neighbor was a child molester and didn't report it, he or she would be culpable. But I'm not talking about knowledge about a person's awful deeds. I'm talking about the perception that "something's just not right."
You can't call the police because you think someone's weird, obviously, unless that person's weirdness shows up in a way that's illegal or threatening. But just once I'd like a neighbor to say, "I always thought he was strange but couldn't put my finger on it," rather than something like, "He seemed normal." I've seen this said about all types of criminals, not just child molesters.
Groucho, even when I was growing up in the fifties--or more recently still, when my son was growing up in the seventies, we knew our neighbors. Kids knew they'd better stay in line, whether they were at home or down the street, because the neighbors knew them and their parents.
We had a pair of child molesters in my neighborhood when I was a kid--a grandfather and his grandson. The grandfather shoved my friend's hand into his crotch and made some lewd suggestions about what else she could put there. He was old and feeble. She ran home and told her mother.
His grandson exposed himself to my other friend and masterbated in front of her. She was afraid to tell her mother, so I told my mother, and my mother told her mother. I don't think anyone called the police, which now seems so bizarre. But if either of those men showed up where any of us kids were playing, the neighborhood teenage boys were on those pervs like flies on a cow patty, warning them not to come near any of us girls and watching out for us.
I'm not aware that either of these men raped anyone (how would I know? I was about 10 or 11 when these incidents happened), but if had and if they'd gotten caught, I wonder what people would have said about them when a news reporter stuck a microphone in their faces.
Not to take this off on a tangent, but I am looking for opinions...
My next door neighbors...married couple in their 30's...3 kids, a 9 year old boy and 4 year old twins (boy & girl)...
They seem perfectly "normal" except for one thing...the father's temper and big mouth. He explodes all over these kids...nothing physical, but the worst verbal abuse I have ever heard in my life...screaming obscenities, calling them a-holes, etc...it's terrible.
The wife gets upset when he does it but does not stand up to him...I realize that she is an "enabler" because she let's him get away with it...
I have spoken to both of them about it...One day, I walked outside when he was doing it and told him to "chill out"...told him that he should not be speaking to children like that, etc...he admits that he is wrong but says he cannot help himself (yeah, right)...he has started anger management classes, only to get angry and quit!
The child protection agency has been to his house several times and "talked" to him about it...If they come one more time, they will probably take the kids away...
OK...so here's my question...should I call the child protection agency on him?
On one hand, if I sit here and knowingly let this go on, I am also an "enabler" of sorts...but if I call it in...the kids will be taken away from their mother as well and even be split up from each other, and put into seperate foster homes...
Most of the time, they seem like a happy family...but I know this is screwing these kids up...It's a tough situation and I'm not sure what I should do, if anything...Opinions? Advice?
It's a 'how to recognize' book but a great read as well.
Preditors and pedophiles don't fall into the same catagory of 'uh oh' feelings in our guts.
Lots of good material for learning but IMO this book is.......differant.
Criminal profilers who have interviewed child sexual assault predators, serial killers and some stalkers (among others) hear the same thing over and over: "It's what I do".
Also, once they've gotten away with their crime once, it's easier next time and they only get better at what they do.
Not to mention the triggers, like something going on in their domestic balance, a new baby, a shift in employment, etc.
The majority of these creeps had horrendous childhoods. Therefore as kids,they had time and opportunity in whatever confinement life chewed on them about, to think about causing another human harm.
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Shellon
An abuser, murderer, rapist, molester doesn't advertise.
That might seem strange to say but it's true.
If s/he let others know what their 'other life' was like, they'd not get away with it.
Making it personal, but one reason I don't date is because the dude isn't gonna wear a shirt or forehead tattoo that says 'as soon as I get your trust,I'll start hitting you or messing with your little girl'
Were it that simple.....
Abusers of every kind get very adept at hiding their behavior. They get bolder in their crimes, but that just causes them to find better ways to hide it.
It's part of the crime: hiding it.
This sick *** had a blog telling about his life and behavior. He talked about it regularly.
Sociopaths have no regard for others' yet 'appear' to as they are usually polite, contributing members of a community. But they are smart enough to know how to fake it very well.
Ted Bundy was a student of the law; perfect place to know how to avoid detection. He had a personality that drew people to him; a very normal nice guy.
That's how he knew he'd get away with his crimes.
You'll note that the mama's who killed their babies ( Yates, etc) got the same labels from their neighbors. They seemed so normal.
It's part of their game so as to not draw attention to themselves.
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vickles
I would say probably all the above. But mostly sociopathic behavior is rather hard to tell unless your with that person for a period of time. They appear normal and act pretty normal. They know how to manipulate people to what they want. They study people for their own purposes.
A sociopath does not know how to feel. They know how to act like they are feeling but don't have it in them. It doesn't bother them who they hurt unless it will effect them somehow.
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Shellon
Also.... if we as neighbors said " I knew s/he was molesting children " then we'd be culpable. And the neighbor (s) can't admit it at this point if s/he thought something seemed wierd and did nothing. Which is more the problem already.
Society still can't accept that molestation/assault/rape of little boys and girls is a huge problem. It's too frightening to look at, to bring that close to home. Were it taken as seriously as it really is, this man and so many others would never see the light of day. But alas......it's allowed to go on.
Profile of a sociopath:
http://home.datawest.net/esn-recovery/artcls/socio.htm
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vickles
Shellon, Wow, that is a great site. I'm going to look at the other stuff they have when I have time.
Sociopaths are ones that are able to get people to like them and then take everything from them, love, money, sex and then when nothing is left to drop them....it reminds me of my ex. Oh yeah, he fits in all the categories.
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Shellon
Scarey shi+ huh? And people that we've come across in our lives that trashed it in some way or even just tried cuz they thought they could......seemed perfectly normal didn't they?
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Raf
"He seemed normal" is a journalistic cliche. It's right up there with "He kept to himself, didn't bother anybody."
What it really means is "I didn't know him but if you insist on quoting me, my name is..."
I rarely use those quotes.
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shazdancer
Exactly, Raf, and that is the point. People only get to know this guy on the surface. And that's how he wants it. He knows he gets into trouble when he lets his cruelty show. So he knows how to fake it, with politeness, gentleness, even largesse at times.
And it works. Good neighbors are polite, they don't make a mess or a racket. So the antisocial is seen as a good person, because he is a good neighbor.
The antisocial person prides himself in pulling the wool over the eyes of such imbeciles as those around him. He does not know how to really care deeply about others. He rationalizes that others don't know, either, that they are all hiding their scams beneath a cloak of politeness, too.
Regards,
Shaz
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GrouchoMarxJr
Yes...all of the above.
...and we ARE more isolated from each other than a few generations ago...before there were cars...and television...and a few other things.
100 years ago, folks didn't travel very far from home...and people walked...and they visited their neighbors...and they had a greater sense of who was who.
I think it's much easier for these sickos to blend in today, because so many folks interact on a very superficial level...almost everyone knows how to smile and throw out a few one liners..."He seemed normal"...and then barricade yourself in the house, watching TV all night...We simply don't get to know people very well anymore.
...And when it comes to these creeps, we need safeguards. Maybe a tatoo on their foreheads?
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vickles
This very subject of sociopath came up with a psyhologist and me on friday. Funny how that happens...lol
I had always thought that a sociopath was born with it. But he explained to me one of the things to look for would be if he had someone in his life while growing up was very very strict and someone, a co-parent, who was not. The co-parent being a person that felt sorry for him and would do things behind the back of the other parent, undermining that person.
This is where the lies, charming, and manipulating stuff comes from.
I find it also interesting in the article that shellon posted that it begins with an underlining anger. Which to me means most likely with all the undermining, lies, and sneaking around that the child most likely would have a deep seated anger with the parent that was very strict.
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Linda Z
Shell said:
Of course, if someone knew a neighbor was a child molester and didn't report it, he or she would be culpable. But I'm not talking about knowledge about a person's awful deeds. I'm talking about the perception that "something's just not right."
You can't call the police because you think someone's weird, obviously, unless that person's weirdness shows up in a way that's illegal or threatening. But just once I'd like a neighbor to say, "I always thought he was strange but couldn't put my finger on it," rather than something like, "He seemed normal." I've seen this said about all types of criminals, not just child molesters.
Groucho, even when I was growing up in the fifties--or more recently still, when my son was growing up in the seventies, we knew our neighbors. Kids knew they'd better stay in line, whether they were at home or down the street, because the neighbors knew them and their parents.
We had a pair of child molesters in my neighborhood when I was a kid--a grandfather and his grandson. The grandfather shoved my friend's hand into his crotch and made some lewd suggestions about what else she could put there. He was old and feeble. She ran home and told her mother.
His grandson exposed himself to my other friend and masterbated in front of her. She was afraid to tell her mother, so I told my mother, and my mother told her mother. I don't think anyone called the police, which now seems so bizarre. But if either of those men showed up where any of us kids were playing, the neighborhood teenage boys were on those pervs like flies on a cow patty, warning them not to come near any of us girls and watching out for us.
I'm not aware that either of these men raped anyone (how would I know? I was about 10 or 11 when these incidents happened), but if had and if they'd gotten caught, I wonder what people would have said about them when a news reporter stuck a microphone in their faces.
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GrouchoMarxJr
Not to take this off on a tangent, but I am looking for opinions...
My next door neighbors...married couple in their 30's...3 kids, a 9 year old boy and 4 year old twins (boy & girl)...
They seem perfectly "normal" except for one thing...the father's temper and big mouth. He explodes all over these kids...nothing physical, but the worst verbal abuse I have ever heard in my life...screaming obscenities, calling them a-holes, etc...it's terrible.
The wife gets upset when he does it but does not stand up to him...I realize that she is an "enabler" because she let's him get away with it...
I have spoken to both of them about it...One day, I walked outside when he was doing it and told him to "chill out"...told him that he should not be speaking to children like that, etc...he admits that he is wrong but says he cannot help himself (yeah, right)...he has started anger management classes, only to get angry and quit!
The child protection agency has been to his house several times and "talked" to him about it...If they come one more time, they will probably take the kids away...
OK...so here's my question...should I call the child protection agency on him?
On one hand, if I sit here and knowingly let this go on, I am also an "enabler" of sorts...but if I call it in...the kids will be taken away from their mother as well and even be split up from each other, and put into seperate foster homes...
Most of the time, they seem like a happy family...but I know this is screwing these kids up...It's a tough situation and I'm not sure what I should do, if anything...Opinions? Advice?
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vickles
Groucho I sent you a private message.
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Shellon
Highly recommended book:
The Gift of Fear by Gavin DeBecker.
It's a 'how to recognize' book but a great read as well.
Preditors and pedophiles don't fall into the same catagory of 'uh oh' feelings in our guts.
Lots of good material for learning but IMO this book is.......differant.
Criminal profilers who have interviewed child sexual assault predators, serial killers and some stalkers (among others) hear the same thing over and over: "It's what I do".
Also, once they've gotten away with their crime once, it's easier next time and they only get better at what they do.
Not to mention the triggers, like something going on in their domestic balance, a new baby, a shift in employment, etc.
The majority of these creeps had horrendous childhoods. Therefore as kids,they had time and opportunity in whatever confinement life chewed on them about, to think about causing another human harm.
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