Big Brother In Your Pants

[Pirate1974]

Listen up, guys. Here's the newest marvel of 21st century technology

Forget-me-not panties

Worried that your wife, girlfriend or teenage daughter might be doing something that she shouldn't? Well, worry no more. Forget-me-not panties are the ultimate wayward female tracking device.

Developed by the Panchira Corporation of Tokyo (why does all this weird s**t always come from Japan?) these high-tech undies represent the very pinnacle of human achievement in the world of GPS.

Apparently, this is for real.

These panties will monitor the location of your wife, girlfriend or daughter 24 hours a day, send the exact location to your cell phone or PC and using the patented pantyMap, you can find out exactly where she is. Of course, if she drops her panties off at the mall on the way to the motel, you're screwed, more or less.

Even better, the Advanced model includes heart rate and body temperature monitors, causing bells and whistles to go off (I guess) to alert you that she's getting all hot and bothered, or she's gone jogging, one of the two.

The system is based on "pioneering research" developed by the rocket scientists at the Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency who cook up goodies like this for the U.S. military. Probably part of a top-secret project to try to get these knickers on Osama.

To prove that they work, here's an "actual testimonial" from "David," right off the company website:

quote:

When my daughter hit puberty I nearly had a heart attack. She started looking like a woman and suddenly she was wearing revealing clothing and staying out late with her friends.

Rather than become an over-protective parent , I decided to try forget-me-not panties™.

They work wonderfully. My wife and I bought our Sarah several pairs so we can watch her around the clock, and if we see her temperature rising too high, we intervene by calling her cellphone or just picking her up wherever she is. My only comment is it would be great to have a video camera, maybe you can work that into V.2. [incestuous voyeurism - always a great selling point!]

Thanks forget-me-not panties™, now we have true peace of mind.

Well, I'm sold by that unsolicited heart-felt comment.

These things ain't cheap. The "basic" model (GPS only) goes for $99.99 a pair, while the "advanced" model is $179.99 a pair. Of course, you can save by buying 7 pairs a time for only $1190.00. If you want to order now, you'll have to wait. Believe it or not, they're all sold out.

What I want to know is how do you get these Global Positioning drawers on your significant other? Do you just come home from work one day and say, "Hi, honey. Look at this. I just bought you seven new pairs of panties and I want you to wear them every day."

Yeah, that won't arouse any suspicions.

[ChattyKathy]

[Cindy!]

Gee...the words *pathetic* *fear-motivated* and *loser* come to mind. Methinks folks who need these panties also either need serious professional help or a life.

Tracking someone with their panties....sheesh

Yeah...THAT'S a solid relationship -->

[johniam]

I wonder if menstrual flow could short them out (no pun intended).

[Ron G.]

"Panties not best thing in world, but next to best thing." --Old Chinese proverb

[Galen]

Okay here is one for you.

Oh look over there, smoke and fire and mirrors, oh lets watch over there.

While over here ...

How many folks noticed that 5 June a Federal law went into effect that cellphone carriers can no longer 'activate' any cellphone without an internal GPS? If you have an older cellphone, wonderful. But if you de-activate it, then it is junk, it can never be re-activated.

I was looking at buying a bag-phone, as during my travels up in Maine, everyone seems to have one, if they get signal. I spoke with Verizon-wireless and they showed me a print-out about the law. Then Cellular, then US Cingular; they all said that yep as of 5June no more non-GPS cellphones can be turned on.

So without anyone seeming to notice, all new cell-phones plus any cellphone that gets activiated after 5June, will have a GPS unit inside. Now who can access that GPS? I dont know.

But with a digital phone, the cell towers have continous two-way communication with your cellphone. I already saw some software that cell-tower-repeaters can run to do tri-angulations on each cell-phone within their region.

So 'Big Brother' can track you 24 hours a day, if you carry a cellphone; both by way of tri-angulating your signal, and by simply asking your cellphone for it's GPS coordinates. Both methods by the way, do not alert the cellpone user. You would have no idea that anyone was tracking your position.

This could be great for Law Enforcement [tracking those terrible drug-dealers, and hostage takers, or anyone who makes a 911 call] the 911 dispatchers would automatically know exactly where you are calling from.

:-)