Growing up s*cks! Especially with all the heartbreak and rejection and embarrassment that you have to go through sometimes.
I lost my boyfriend that I was head over heels in love with to my best friend in high school. I hated both of them and took it out on my parents vehemently. I remember Daddy trying to reason with me and telling me how much I hurt my mom. I was glad. I wanted her to hurt. I wanted someone to hurt as bad as I was. This went on for months. I distinctly remember my mom telling me that the house just wasn't big enough for the two of us and that one of us was going to have to go. Since she was sleeping with the guy paying the bills I knew who that would be. It still took a while for me to get out of the funk although I did start minding my mouth better. ;)-->
And then there was the time I told Daddy I was too old to get a spanking..... I do not advise this type of insubordination. You are NOT too old to get a spanking.
Now....my parents and I are closer than I ever imagined. They have gotten so much smarter since I moved out of the house. I rely on them, their advice and their love and support so much. Facing all this crap with TWI and my divorce would have been unbearable if it hadn't been for my parents.
You did what you had to do and it was the right thing. YOU know what communicates and how to diffuse the situation with YOUR son. Someone else's ways probably wouldn't have worked in the situation. I read almost all of your posts and I know what a big heart you have for your family and I'm sure Keanu does too. You've just added one more line on his list of reasons why he respects and loves you so much, even if he doesn't yet realize it. ;)-->
p.s. if you or Keanu want to know more stupid stuff I did growing up that might help you feel better, I'll be happy to PT them to you.:D-->
Jonny, the same darn thing happened to my son! He was held back in school a year, so he came to 9th grade, high school, a big handsome 16 year old stud muffin. That spring, he was dating a girl a couple years older, very attractive, from a family who fancied themselves small town aristocracy. She was MUCH more mature than he was then, and while we liked her, we were uneasy about their relationship.
So, prom time comes, and she shows up in a dress her daddy just happened to pick up on his last trip to Paris, has arranged for two dateless girl friends to go with them, in her aunt's convertible. So off they with the girls in the back and daddy driving with my son in front.
So as soon as they got there, she dumped him like a bad habit! He did manage to have a good time with one of the other girls, but skipped after prom (she had latched on to someone else) and came home in a foul mood, and went to church with us, where he promptly fell asleep.
I asked the girl about it, and she told me he had been seeing someone else and she wanted to break up with him, but she didn't think she could get another prom date, and she just had to walk into prom with a date, couldn't go in by herself, being small town aristocracy and all! So she walked into the room and dumped him once they crossed the threshhold!
What a jerk she was, probably still is for all I know.
This of course kept him from the one class yesterday that he really has to focus on for the next fourteen days until graduation. He says he picked the flowers from a crack in the side walk, Mr. "Thibodeaux", the yoga teacher says he stole them from some ladies yard. Thibodeaux can't stand Trev, because he knows that Trevor is in his class only because all the girls are there, and he "distracts them from the philisophical aspects of his yoga class". At least that's the he puts it. I wonder if he feels that Trevor is cutting in on his territory? But whatever. I do know that Trevor is a cut up, funny guy, and loves the limelight. Wonder where he got that?
Oh my my, so there IS a laughter part in all this eh Johnny Lingo!!!
You tell mr.Lingo JR if he don't grad his foot HS he will miss out on the real yoga classes in college~~~
I finally read your post tonight Johnny. My daughter turned 13 on Saturday, the day before Mother's Day. Oak and I got her a digital camera which she was thrilled about. She doesn't always come home with what she left the house with. Clothes, jewelry, etc. have been casualitites of forgetfulness.
She wanted to take the camera to the mall and I said "No." She yelled and screamed and I said it wasn't going to happen. She threw the camera at me and hit me in the mouth. I lost my temper and told her where she could go. I don't even beleive in h*ll and I told my 13 year old daughter to go there on her birthday!
I grounded her and she was screaming, pleading, etc. to not ground her on her birthday. I asked her to go to her room. I called Oak and knew I could not go back on her grounding. I was very calm after crying into the phone and feeling like all the progress we had made over the past year and a half was gone.
She said everything from, "I want to live with my Dad or live in a foster home (yes, in the same sentence), I Hate You!!!! I am going to make Mother's Day miserable for you if you don't let me go out on my birthday, etc." I stayed calm and let her rant, occasionally commenting and saying that it was all right to be mad, it was not all right to yell and throw stuff at me. She brought up some past incidents and I said that was then and this is now.
Oak and I went out that night and I cried even after the lovely dinner and time by the fountains. I cried and he gave me peppermint tea and put on the Traffic tape that I love so much without me asking.
Sunday was better. She slept very late and said she wasn't going to talk to me and I was not to talk to her. Then she came out of her room and saw us cleaning and said to tell her what to clean and then not to talk to her. Then she started talking a little later and we ended up having a really nice night with Oak's son and his lady. She even stayed at the table to listen and add her two cents worth to the conversation.
Bless you and wife both for standing up to your son and not letting him run off. He could have done more damage to himself and I admire him for talking it out with you. My son moved out of his Dad's house when he was 18 because he didn't want to get into a fist fight with him. Grandma gave the green light for him to move in and due to his Dad's alcohol and DRUG abuse this move was long overdue.
I didn't fight for custody because of the age my son was when I found out that his Dad was still having issues. I knew how he had relationships with the police chief's son and parents and other parents of friend's and they were looking out for him. He lives 450 miles away. It's the hardest thing I've ever done, being a Mom.
So I applaud you laying this out in the open in this forum. I appreciate it and I wish you and wife all the best with your children as well as peace, joy, love, and good health!
Oh my Reikilady. It seems to be the same kinda deal. It seems that they can be so ungrateful and unthinking. But they are but "utes" I spose. For us, it seems as if the worst is over, and he really seems to have been humbled by it. I pray that this attitude can stick around for awhile. It seems as if you did well also.
It is hard to bring these things up it seems, because we (well, me anyway) so want to think that we are "raisng them right", and then to tell about it is to admit failure, or something.
Ya know, the dental hygienist who does our families teeth is really funny. She is my age, 48, and she was just plain wild as a teenager. She cussed at her parents, smoked in front of them, and told them of her early aged sexcapades just to pi$$ 'em off. A real "bad girl". And one day, while they were on their way to the airport in Tacoma WA (SEATAC) in order to fly to Hawaii for vacation, she got mad at them at a traffic light and jumped out of the car and ran away. At the age of fourteen! She had some cash and got a hotel room, stayed the night there, then met some guys the next day and moved into their apartment.
The parents of course went nuts until she finally contacted them a couple of months later when she wanted some money. She refers to those days as her "ungrateful swine" days. And then her daughter years later became an ungrateful swine as well, and as she was telling me this story while in the dentists chair, she casually asked me "how my ungrateful swine Trevor was doing". That was a few weeks back...
But at any rate, she turned out, her daughter turned out, and all is well with her and her family. And so, it's just so damned hard when you go through it I spose. And I also spose that at least for me, it's a little bit of "payback", "reapin what I sowed", or as some say; "What goes around comes around...."
Johnny thanks for your thoughts on this matter! It does seem there is an incredible attitude of entitlement with this generation and it is hard to deal with. I have been a single Mom for 12 years out of her 13. Thank the Goddess that Oak can be the voice of reason and stand by me. He helps me with my perception and gently shows me if I'm off base with a situation with my daughter.
Thank you Mr Hammeroni, and thank you CM, very much. And..
Maybe this was a worthwhile can of worms to open..
And all we want for them is for them to be happy, sucessful, educated enough to avoid the blight of ignorance, not pregnant too early, or a father too early, hooked up with the wrong guy or gal. No STD's, drugs nor sidetracks off of life's highway that lead to heartbreak or needless hurt.
We know so well what does and does not work, for we have all "been there" and know "what it is", and especially, "what it is NOT".
And how did we learn? By falling flat on our a$$es a time or two or fifty. And so, I spose we (well, I), think that we (well, I ), can save them time and trouble by having them listen to us (well, me,) so that they can avoid the pitfalls that besieged us along our way. I mean, that's not really unreasonable for us to want to do that...
But "Life Is As It Is" I spose, and like the song says; "We gotta roll with it baby!"
I will tell ya what I have learned . I know all parents need to parent in the maner they see fit, because we raise diferent people etc.
yet consider this, As parents we are so used to telling them what to do how to think what to wear what to say and how to everything, because they look at us as their soul protecter and yes God almighty who supplies. us or death really in their eyes.
Then they begin to grow up and to snap out of the way things have always been I believe parents need to check this ideal in themself. the job is to raise them into adults who can function and do well for their own life. My answers may NOT work for them and what they need to do. Jesus has a path for each of His , and parents are not God and to demand or play that role is like a spirtual abuse by teaching them no other comes before us.
I relied on God alot as a parent, and I told my kids that. I relied on my own pure guts and curage and played the hand I was dealt .
I allow my own children the same. Parts of my life have brought me much joy, and I want that for mine BUT they may find their own JOY in something eles. who am I to say how to handle things how to do things how to say things how to think things? I helped when I could but mostly I respect them enough to know they will find a way because the Lord loves each of us and directs everyone to find their own way . I truly believe this help lessen the tension that can happen when people struggle to get along. It sounds easy it is not, because we are used to ding and fixing and being all we can for them. Now is not neccesarily the time to rescue. We all need those time in life we remember as learning the hard way.
Train up a child in the way he shall go, and when he is old he will not depart from it (Hey, just because I'm not a bible believin' guy, doesn't mean that I don't think there's good stuff in there :D-->)
I have six children. The two oldest were my ex-wife's from her first marriage, the other four I contributed DNA to :o-->.
When I separated from and later divorced my wife on the heels of my expulsion from TWI, only one of my children would talk to me. I wasn't the perfect dad (who is?), but they were convinced by their mom that I was a jerk worthy of "mark & avoid". Periodically I get letters from my late-teens daughter explaining why she thinks I am such a jerk.
But over the last half year the older ones have come around. My oldest (who I swear would have slit my throat if he had the chance ) and I have reconciled. My second oldest and his girlfriend socialize with Reikilady & I from time to time(we had them over on Mothers' Day) and he and I have a few adult beverages together on Monday nights at "Open Stage" at a local watering hole. I've been told on several occassions recently, by my sons, that I was a good dad.
I guess the moral to the story is that we have to just do the best that we can. They'll appreciate it or not when they're young; but adulthood brings a whole new perspective.
Thank you for that last post Oakspear. I had not looked at this thread for a coupla days, and I missed that one. Glad to see that thingshave and are working out. Next time you are at the "open Stage" place, if I could, the drinks would be on me...
Gosh Jonny, I was in tears reading about your day & situation. So glad to hear that you fought for what you believed was right...
As a young person growing up in the 70's, our family didn't communicate very well, if at all. My parents didn't know to fight for me like you did for your son...My 'road' growing up was rough, filled with dangerous highs & lows & uncertainty... I became attracted to those that communicated well...
You are equiping your children with something very precious...giving them an example of fighting for what is good and right...
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Belle
((((Johnny Lingo))))
(((Mrs. Lingo))))
((((Keanu))))
Growing up s*cks! Especially with all the heartbreak and rejection and embarrassment that you have to go through sometimes.
I lost my boyfriend that I was head over heels in love with to my best friend in high school. I hated both of them and took it out on my parents vehemently. I remember Daddy trying to reason with me and telling me how much I hurt my mom. I was glad. I wanted her to hurt. I wanted someone to hurt as bad as I was. This went on for months. I distinctly remember my mom telling me that the house just wasn't big enough for the two of us and that one of us was going to have to go. Since she was sleeping with the guy paying the bills I knew who that would be. It still took a while for me to get out of the funk although I did start minding my mouth better.
;)-->
And then there was the time I told Daddy I was too old to get a spanking..... I do not advise this type of insubordination. You are NOT too old to get a spanking.
Now....my parents and I are closer than I ever imagined. They have gotten so much smarter since I moved out of the house. I rely on them, their advice and their love and support so much. Facing all this crap with TWI and my divorce would have been unbearable if it hadn't been for my parents.
You did what you had to do and it was the right thing. YOU know what communicates and how to diffuse the situation with YOUR son. Someone else's ways probably wouldn't have worked in the situation. I read almost all of your posts and I know what a big heart you have for your family and I'm sure Keanu does too. You've just added one more line on his list of reasons why he respects and loves you so much, even if he doesn't yet realize it.
;)-->
p.s. if you or Keanu want to know more stupid stuff I did growing up that might help you feel better, I'll be happy to PT them to you.
:D-->
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J0nny Ling0
Thank you very much Belle
-->
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Watered Garden
Jonny, the same darn thing happened to my son! He was held back in school a year, so he came to 9th grade, high school, a big handsome 16 year old stud muffin. That spring, he was dating a girl a couple years older, very attractive, from a family who fancied themselves small town aristocracy. She was MUCH more mature than he was then, and while we liked her, we were uneasy about their relationship.
So, prom time comes, and she shows up in a dress her daddy just happened to pick up on his last trip to Paris, has arranged for two dateless girl friends to go with them, in her aunt's convertible. So off they with the girls in the back and daddy driving with my son in front.
So as soon as they got there, she dumped him like a bad habit! He did manage to have a good time with one of the other girls, but skipped after prom (she had latched on to someone else) and came home in a foul mood, and went to church with us, where he promptly fell asleep.
I asked the girl about it, and she told me he had been seeing someone else and she wanted to break up with him, but she didn't think she could get another prom date, and she just had to walk into prom with a date, couldn't go in by herself, being small town aristocracy and all! So she walked into the room and dumped him once they crossed the threshhold!
What a jerk she was, probably still is for all I know.
WG
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TheSongRemainsTheSame
Oh my my, so there IS a laughter part in all this eh Johnny Lingo!!!
You tell mr.Lingo JR if he don't grad his foot HS he will miss out on the real yoga classes in college~~~
just a thot from the
Song
old chinese cookie fortune proverb:
Plucking flower is one thing
Knowing how flower grow is another
Otherwise
One will pluck flower
Plant them
and mow yard
Learn how flower grow
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reikilady
I finally read your post tonight Johnny. My daughter turned 13 on Saturday, the day before Mother's Day. Oak and I got her a digital camera which she was thrilled about. She doesn't always come home with what she left the house with. Clothes, jewelry, etc. have been casualitites of forgetfulness.
She wanted to take the camera to the mall and I said "No." She yelled and screamed and I said it wasn't going to happen. She threw the camera at me and hit me in the mouth. I lost my temper and told her where she could go. I don't even beleive in h*ll and I told my 13 year old daughter to go there on her birthday!
I grounded her and she was screaming, pleading, etc. to not ground her on her birthday. I asked her to go to her room. I called Oak and knew I could not go back on her grounding. I was very calm after crying into the phone and feeling like all the progress we had made over the past year and a half was gone.
She said everything from, "I want to live with my Dad or live in a foster home (yes, in the same sentence), I Hate You!!!! I am going to make Mother's Day miserable for you if you don't let me go out on my birthday, etc." I stayed calm and let her rant, occasionally commenting and saying that it was all right to be mad, it was not all right to yell and throw stuff at me. She brought up some past incidents and I said that was then and this is now.
Oak and I went out that night and I cried even after the lovely dinner and time by the fountains. I cried and he gave me peppermint tea and put on the Traffic tape that I love so much without me asking.
Sunday was better. She slept very late and said she wasn't going to talk to me and I was not to talk to her. Then she came out of her room and saw us cleaning and said to tell her what to clean and then not to talk to her. Then she started talking a little later and we ended up having a really nice night with Oak's son and his lady. She even stayed at the table to listen and add her two cents worth to the conversation.
Bless you and wife both for standing up to your son and not letting him run off. He could have done more damage to himself and I admire him for talking it out with you. My son moved out of his Dad's house when he was 18 because he didn't want to get into a fist fight with him. Grandma gave the green light for him to move in and due to his Dad's alcohol and DRUG abuse this move was long overdue.
I didn't fight for custody because of the age my son was when I found out that his Dad was still having issues. I knew how he had relationships with the police chief's son and parents and other parents of friend's and they were looking out for him. He lives 450 miles away. It's the hardest thing I've ever done, being a Mom.
So I applaud you laying this out in the open in this forum. I appreciate it and I wish you and wife all the best with your children as well as peace, joy, love, and good health!
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J0nny Ling0
Oh my Reikilady. It seems to be the same kinda deal. It seems that they can be so ungrateful and unthinking. But they are but "utes" I spose. For us, it seems as if the worst is over, and he really seems to have been humbled by it. I pray that this attitude can stick around for awhile. It seems as if you did well also.
It is hard to bring these things up it seems, because we (well, me anyway) so want to think that we are "raisng them right", and then to tell about it is to admit failure, or something.
Ya know, the dental hygienist who does our families teeth is really funny. She is my age, 48, and she was just plain wild as a teenager. She cussed at her parents, smoked in front of them, and told them of her early aged sexcapades just to pi$$ 'em off. A real "bad girl". And one day, while they were on their way to the airport in Tacoma WA (SEATAC) in order to fly to Hawaii for vacation, she got mad at them at a traffic light and jumped out of the car and ran away. At the age of fourteen! She had some cash and got a hotel room, stayed the night there, then met some guys the next day and moved into their apartment.
The parents of course went nuts until she finally contacted them a couple of months later when she wanted some money. She refers to those days as her "ungrateful swine" days. And then her daughter years later became an ungrateful swine as well, and as she was telling me this story while in the dentists chair, she casually asked me "how my ungrateful swine Trevor was doing". That was a few weeks back...
But at any rate, she turned out, her daughter turned out, and all is well with her and her family. And so, it's just so damned hard when you go through it I spose. And I also spose that at least for me, it's a little bit of "payback", "reapin what I sowed", or as some say; "What goes around comes around...."
Ungrateful swine...funny
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Shellon
IMO if we stay in there and do the hard work, we ARE raising them right.
Teenagers are strange scary people even without the pressures of everyday life these days.
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Ham
Johnny, just letting you know I'm not ignoring you here. Don't have any sound advice for you, but I'm praying for you and family, that's all I can do.
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CM
Jonny
I didn't read this thread when you first posted it. But after reading it.
It's one of the Greatest examples of a Father's Love that I have ever seen.
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reikilady
Johnny thanks for your thoughts on this matter! It does seem there is an incredible attitude of entitlement with this generation and it is hard to deal with. I have been a single Mom for 12 years out of her 13. Thank the Goddess that Oak can be the voice of reason and stand by me. He helps me with my perception and gently shows me if I'm off base with a situation with my daughter.
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reikilady
Part 2: I am reaping what I sewed as a young woman in some ways. Thank-you for the story about your dentist and again, posting about what happened.
Parenting cannot always be done perfectly under the best of situations and temperaments of our children.
I'm grateful for being able to share about these things and hear about other parents and what they go through.
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CM
I hope I didn't offend any Mothers here with what I said.
I think both male and female qualities are in both sexes. And in God.
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J0nny Ling0
Thank you Mr Hammeroni, and thank you CM, very much. And..
Maybe this was a worthwhile can of worms to open..
And all we want for them is for them to be happy, sucessful, educated enough to avoid the blight of ignorance, not pregnant too early, or a father too early, hooked up with the wrong guy or gal. No STD's, drugs nor sidetracks off of life's highway that lead to heartbreak or needless hurt.
We know so well what does and does not work, for we have all "been there" and know "what it is", and especially, "what it is NOT".
And how did we learn? By falling flat on our a$$es a time or two or fifty. And so, I spose we (well, I), think that we (well, I ), can save them time and trouble by having them listen to us (well, me,) so that they can avoid the pitfalls that besieged us along our way. I mean, that's not really unreasonable for us to want to do that...
But "Life Is As It Is" I spose, and like the song says; "We gotta roll with it baby!"
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mj412
I will tell ya what I have learned . I know all parents need to parent in the maner they see fit, because we raise diferent people etc.
yet consider this, As parents we are so used to telling them what to do how to think what to wear what to say and how to everything, because they look at us as their soul protecter and yes God almighty who supplies. us or death really in their eyes.
Then they begin to grow up and to snap out of the way things have always been I believe parents need to check this ideal in themself. the job is to raise them into adults who can function and do well for their own life. My answers may NOT work for them and what they need to do. Jesus has a path for each of His , and parents are not God and to demand or play that role is like a spirtual abuse by teaching them no other comes before us.
I relied on God alot as a parent, and I told my kids that. I relied on my own pure guts and curage and played the hand I was dealt .
I allow my own children the same. Parts of my life have brought me much joy, and I want that for mine BUT they may find their own JOY in something eles. who am I to say how to handle things how to do things how to say things how to think things? I helped when I could but mostly I respect them enough to know they will find a way because the Lord loves each of us and directs everyone to find their own way . I truly believe this help lessen the tension that can happen when people struggle to get along. It sounds easy it is not, because we are used to ding and fixing and being all we can for them. Now is not neccesarily the time to rescue. We all need those time in life we remember as learning the hard way.
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Oakspear
Train up a child in the way he shall go, and when he is old he will not depart from it (Hey, just because I'm not a bible believin' guy, doesn't mean that I don't think there's good stuff in there
:D-->)
I have six children. The two oldest were my ex-wife's from her first marriage, the other four I contributed DNA to
:o-->.
When I separated from and later divorced my wife on the heels of my expulsion from TWI, only one of my children would talk to me. I wasn't the perfect dad (who is?), but they were convinced by their mom that I was a jerk worthy of "mark & avoid". Periodically I get letters from my late-teens daughter explaining why she thinks I am such a jerk.
But over the last half year the older ones have come around. My oldest (who I swear would have slit my throat if he had the chance
) and I have reconciled. My second oldest and his girlfriend socialize with Reikilady & I from time to time(we had them over on Mothers' Day) and he and I have a few adult beverages together on Monday nights at "Open Stage" at a local watering hole. I've been told on several occassions recently, by my sons, that I was a good dad.
I guess the moral to the story is that we have to just do the best that we can. They'll appreciate it or not when they're young; but adulthood brings a whole new perspective.
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J0nny Ling0
Thank you for that last post Oakspear. I had not looked at this thread for a coupla days, and I missed that one. Glad to see that thingshave and are working out. Next time you are at the "open Stage" place, if I could, the drinks would be on me...
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SafariVista
Gosh Jonny, I was in tears reading about your day & situation. So glad to hear that you fought for what you believed was right...
As a young person growing up in the 70's, our family didn't communicate very well, if at all. My parents didn't know to fight for me like you did for your son...My 'road' growing up was rough, filled with dangerous highs & lows & uncertainty... I became attracted to those that communicated well...
You are equiping your children with something very precious...giving them an example of fighting for what is good and right...
Thanks for sharing...
Happy Birthday to you!
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J0nny Ling0
Why thank you Safari V! You have a wonderful day down there in sunny Las Vegas! Put a buck in Big Bertha for yourself, it just may be your lucky day!
Jonny
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