Why? If you hadn't gotten physical he'd have gone God knows where and kept talking like that and who knows what would've happened? You may have saved his life. Extreme situations sometimes require extreme solutions.
I saw the whole scene man as you were rolling it out in words here.
That really sucks dude.
I know your hurt and especially on such special days of the year.
My Dad LP, never ever put a hand on me. But I will tell you this one very similar
A Thanksgiving 30 year ago I was angry about life a similar as you so aptly described.
We were all hanging out that holiday, neighborhood knowing everyone
just hanging out and laughing,
but i was boiling!!!
i walked down the drive
and all friends and my LP there just laughing and good times and thanksgiving ready to be table top soon~~~
LP made a comment to me concerning my situation that made further my anger and I directly went square to square with him.
now dig, my LP at that time was every bit of 210lbs solid 6'2".
I drew a fist and round housed him with the cuff of my fist square onto his left ear.
He shuttered the blow grasping his head and stumbled back
My friends, who were also LP's friends, were so ever surprised stunned,
and I went for another blow
and they came at me
and others toward LP
and separated us.
The ones who came at me pushed me back with eyes so cold and still, and kept pushing me back and back untill I stumbled onto my foot and scrambled onto my feet
and tears streamed down my face
& i turned and stormed away~~~
I returned a few hours later for dinner
I entered the house
LP looked at me ~~~ dinner will be ready in a few minutes~~~ go wash up son
as I went to the wash up room my Mom was standing in the hall with a look on her face and lips so buttoned I will never ever forget that day
Hence my share here this table with you Mr. Lingo
And as if nothing ever happened, we sat down to that Thanksgiving Dinner and LP asked me to say the Grace.
That day did happen Mr. Lingo and that day will always be remembered. And maybe 30 years from now your son will remember your love as I do my LP.
Why? If you hadn't gotten physical he'd have gone God knows where and kept talking like that and who knows what would've happened? You may have saved his life. Extreme situations sometimes require extreme solutions.
I thinks johniam has a very valid point of insight the could have beens~~~
if my friends/LP's had not interceded, LP would have torn my foot apart in self defence
And yeah Johniam, I know you are right. But I am just so bummed that it came to that, my own flesh and blood. I do hope he ends up seeing it the way Song Remains The Same sees it...
Im going to ask you not to feel like a complete and total failure.
Because I have been there with many many teens mine and other family member I will try to help.
But mostly I will state being a a parent takes two things and everything will be alright. (unless their is some unforeseen mental or drug abuse issues that deal to be dealt with).
when a two year old can not communicate his feelings , is tired, feels over whelmed, angry and can not express with words...
What happens? Well most of us know don't we as we giggle about the time the little child "lost" it right then and there.
A temper trantrum! maybe they didnt get the nap or we can figure out why it must be so stressful to not be able to say the words they want to say so much.
We accept toddlers to have reactions that say they can not handle what is happening and we rush to their aid as a supportive loving parent as feel good and nuturing and worthwhile WE can be the helper of such confusion .
Here is the news flash that might help ya understand TEENS are adult toddlers, they are entering or trying to enter into a life that allows them new words freedoms and words to express how life feels NOW. It does not always go so smoothly for them, just as we understand how difficult a long car trip , or having to understand just why would have to share a new toy with a sibling, for a toddler, we should try to understand LIFE is also very unfair and overwhelming for teens and they do NOT have the skills yet to handle it. Over load happens and temper trantrums happens , females tend to stabalize within two years after her period has begun, but boys and their chemicals can take into their twenties . the brain in the teen years is growing at a massive rate we just do not notice they are growing up because it is in the brain, research has shown the brain is actualy growing, Im not taling about "mental" or understanding or coping skills.
Your son may feel very ashamed of what happen and he may never have intended all that to go on either.
it just did . they react because they do not know what eles to do, just like a toddler they do their best to maintain control untill they no longer can. Thank God he had safe enough loving parents where he could "lose it" and not turn to self detructive or to hurt another with his overwheling feelings.
I think you did ok. I think he did Ok. It was a rough patch and everyone sounds like they are all alright. I think it best to just move on and remember how much He loves ya and you him and these things happens. Yes I will say it , SET boundaries tell him like you did it is unacceptable to become physical or abusive with words.. but also maybe teach him about how when he is over tired or overwhelmed or very sad to USE words to communicate.
IM beyond middle age, and IM still learning how to use words to communicate MY own feelings too.
You know your kid you know if this is drug abuse, or just a bad night, still bothering him with the hurt , inside you do and you need to get honest about it and do the right thing if it is more serious than just an explosion of emotion.
trust your love for the kid it is all that will ever really matter anyways . I say with confidence after raising my own and hearing their feedback, on what could have been better or what did work to help them get through such a stage of life.
their dr. once told me and I thought it was very sound, just keep the door to talk open and it will all be alright eventualy.
Like the parent of the three or four year old that still wont go potty, or the occasional slip in the pants, we should understand that just because the toddler is six feet tall and has few choice ugly words they like to use doesnt mean they are any less frustrated or upset or even READY for all life puts in their path.
We really shouldnt think they should handle it all, they can not their brain isnt ready yet. but they are growing and getting better, and trust me, just like no one ever went to college in a diaper, your teen will eventualy be able to express his feeling and maintain his body parts hands and mouth, better more and more.
Till one day your sitting in the resturant with them on MOMS day and they have their own child and you wonder HOw the heck you ever got so blessed to have such a wonderful person in your life to love and give ya another. Life is amazing, time heals most of it,
if your really really concerned then listen to your gut and go to an expert and see what they think, but if not remmber all of us felt bad when the little baby fell on the side walk and skinned the precious knee the first time, and sometimes parents of teens can feel ashamed or bad too, but it isnt our to job to "protect" them from life, life is a good thing each must live for his own self. But we can soften the blows of it and put a couple of baid aids on and just forget bout it for now, stuff happens , you understand your a good parent. and that is all it takes.
The boy was still extremely hurt from the night before....and still didn't know how to emotionally handle it, you and lovely wife and super-mom got the brunt of the hurt, it just comes out in a differnt way, and its hard as heck to see it when you are in the middle of it.
When you posted your thread, it drew my attention for whatever reasons.
Maybe one reason so recent would be I have a thread in Doctrinal topic title
"I Love My Children Too" or something like that~~~
and just the events you so described as I read bought my right fist to a close and that feeling my LP's ear upon my cuff and the sounds of that day and the forgiveness, the genuine forgiveness, not the crap someone attempts to futher a ministry~~~ the genuine forgiveness of feeling a love that will never go away ever
or something like that
Time does not heal, although healing does occur in time. Bandages do not heal, although bandages assist the healing. Healing is a strange process of events to me. Strange because I do not understand the healing process.
I thinks the healing process begins at conception. But that would be another topic in another forum somewhere.
Johnny Lingo, best rest assured that day will live in your heart for all your life. Not every moment of your life. I only thought of that day I shared with you when you posted your thread 30 years later.
It's not hug and forget
it's hug and laugh and remember the next time
the next time being when your son has his kids he has definate knowledge such a situation
Damn it's hard being a parent. I wish I were a better Dad, but I feel like a complete and total failure...
Nothing you could have done different.
It wasn't just a screwed-up evening and dinner, it was a rite of passage. Your son had to feel the hurt and pain to learn. You had to do what you had to do as a father. I've been there as a son and I've been there as a father. We all want the best for our kids.
Damn it's hard being a parent. I wish I were a better Dad, but I feel like a complete and total failure...
Hey Lingo, this is OoDaFog - if I was your mama I'd be kicking your butt for saying that right now. You know what I am talking about.
Hey I pay attention to your posts. I can tell the "heart" of the parent you are. You did the responsible parent thing. Kinda like in the 5 year old tantrum thread (instead we had an 18 year old tantrum) of course brought on by some very sad events the night before. But you really just "held" him as you would if he was younger to get his attention. There was nothing you would have been able to tell him until you got his attention.
You de-fused the situation first, obviously it was getting out of control. Then from what I can tell you handled it very appropriately.
Alot of different sentimental emotions playing all weekend at your house - senior prom, mothers day, your birthday. My goodness you did just fine. And you loved him up real good afterward, so you are great parents.
So young man, don't ever let me hear you say that again.
I once instinctively tried to throw a punch at my stepdad once, and those who know him know that he is not the best person to try something like that against. It slowed down before going as far as you and your son went, but the feelings were the same. I also had issues with my parents after I turned 18, because I felt like I should be treated as an adult and they treated me like a child still.
In any case, after I did move out of my parents' house, it was the best thing for me. I learned to appreciate what my parents did and even though they didn't always do the right thing, they proved that they cared. It would probably be good for your son to have some space and move out on his own or spend some time elsewhere. He's just frustrated and not sure what to do. It's difficult being that age, but what is even worse is that he doesn't fully understand the role that his parents have played. I don't really know much about you but I do detect through what you write that you care about your family. Your son doesn't recognize that all the way now, but one day he will. Don't worry about whether or not you did a good job raising him. You did what you could do, and now he's old enough to start making some decisions on his own. You just have to be there to help him when he realizes that he needs it.
By God, I think I am going to ask him to read this thread. He knows I post here, and is amused by it. Thinks it's "neat". I think that your hearts are full of love, Beautiful, and I want him to see it...
Jonny -- I thought of quoting your entire original post, but it would be redundant, and pointless -- since you did the right thing, and have nothing to be ashamed of.
The fact that your son had a bad day right before a special one for you, says nothing against either of you -- feces happens -- and usually at the most inopportune times.
You did your best, you did well, and forgiveness was sought for in the end. I personally don't think you could have done better.
Lessons were learned all the way around -- and that's what life is -- learning one big lesson, and graduating with honors.
Methinks you all just got your *Master's* degree. :)-->
Jonny, I'd say it was a success for you both father and son. He was hurt, he's 18 and that alone is defining. And you were IMHO not out of line in your physical actions as well. Sometimes a couple of bulls have to butt heads you know. You'd not want any less than the backbone you possess would you? You were not a failure. I'd say the evening's closure of his hug to the both of you was what parents dream about.
Jonny, you did exactly the right thing. Raging hormones, dumped by a girl he liked, humiliated at the prom, night spent on the mountain drinking to forget the pain, embarrassment and humiliation - like everyone else here has says, he lost it. Then, another woman wants to come over - he's thinking, he can redeem himself, she'll make it all right, she'll make him feel like a man again - he had a desperation to see her - NOW - it was almost a need for him - she can make it bearable.
Like you, he too will remember this days as long as he lives.
But, that said, there comes a day in every family where the young man goes up against his father, as someone said, its almost a rite of passage. As assertion of independence. What happened is nothing unusual, I saw it in my own family.
How did you respond? A headlock - you didn't hit, punch, get enraged, yell or scream, or whatever many a father may have tried, as the above poster said, he is too big to hug, you did the next best thing - headlock. You handled this in a mature loving way - you may not think so, but he will down the road.
I have a feeling, you will never go through a situation like this with him again. I have a feeling, he has a heart, realized what he did was wrong and has grown from it.
Quit beating yourself up! You and millions of fathers have been through this. He's a great kid 'cause he has a great mom and dad!
And then we talked. It was a good talk. It seemed as if he understood how he had pushed his Mom's buttons. I told him that I clearly understood the hurt that he went through the night before, but that it was not an excuse to treat his Mom the way he did. He seemed to understand all of that. We hugged, it was much better, he said he was sorry. I said I was sorry for putting the "man handle" on him, but that I didn't want him storming off and screaming out the front door to "who knows where". He said he accepted that. I told him that he could take the Honda mini bike to go across the river and see Avalon if he wanted before dinner, and he said "ok".
Uh.... does this sound like the actions of a *bad parent*?
Life with kids - no matter the age - will never look as blissful as it does on TV (Waltons, The Ingalls, etc.) or sound as good as it does in some of the parenting magazines. I always have the "where did I go wrong?" feeling when my 3 year old argues, disobeys or just flat out has a temper tantrum - then I find that all my girlfriends with kids that age are going through the same thing.
Jonny - I don't know you personally - just from your posts - but it sounds to me like you have a heart the size of Texas and a lot of forgiveness and grace in that heart for your son. Several of the posters here have given you some great insight on your situation. I wish I could do the same but haven't the expereince to draw on, yet - but will keep this thread close to my heart...
I almost came to blows with our almost-17 year old daughter after she came home late the second night in a row.
She was going to run back out because I confronted her, but I threw both sets of keys (to her car and mine) into the back of the downstairs bedroom closet without her knowing it.
She paced around and took herself and the dog into the backyard and smoked a cigarette.
It ain't easy. Then my husband told me later how "sad" she was because I was so "mean."
But you did great, JL. And your son seems like a really good kid.
And I'm sorry it happened on Mother's Day. My incident was right at the end of Mother's Day.
I've always wondered if there's a web site for parents of teens?
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johniam
Why? If you hadn't gotten physical he'd have gone God knows where and kept talking like that and who knows what would've happened? You may have saved his life. Extreme situations sometimes require extreme solutions.
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TheSongRemainsTheSame
Johnny Lingo,
I saw the whole scene man as you were rolling it out in words here.
That really sucks dude.
I know your hurt and especially on such special days of the year.
My Dad LP, never ever put a hand on me. But I will tell you this one very similar
A Thanksgiving 30 year ago I was angry about life a similar as you so aptly described.
We were all hanging out that holiday, neighborhood knowing everyone
just hanging out and laughing,
but i was boiling!!!
i walked down the drive
and all friends and my LP there just laughing and good times and thanksgiving ready to be table top soon~~~
LP made a comment to me concerning my situation that made further my anger and I directly went square to square with him.
now dig, my LP at that time was every bit of 210lbs solid 6'2".
I drew a fist and round housed him with the cuff of my fist square onto his left ear.
He shuttered the blow grasping his head and stumbled back
My friends, who were also LP's friends, were so ever surprised stunned,
and I went for another blow
and they came at me
and others toward LP
and separated us.
The ones who came at me pushed me back with eyes so cold and still, and kept pushing me back and back untill I stumbled onto my foot and scrambled onto my feet
and tears streamed down my face
& i turned and stormed away~~~
I returned a few hours later for dinner
I entered the house
LP looked at me ~~~ dinner will be ready in a few minutes~~~ go wash up son
as I went to the wash up room my Mom was standing in the hall with a look on her face and lips so buttoned I will never ever forget that day
Hence my share here this table with you Mr. Lingo
And as if nothing ever happened, we sat down to that Thanksgiving Dinner and LP asked me to say the Grace.
That day did happen Mr. Lingo and that day will always be remembered. And maybe 30 years from now your son will remember your love as I do my LP.
Just A Song
Rok On!!!
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TheSongRemainsTheSame
I thinks johniam has a very valid point of insight the could have beens~~~
if my friends/LP's had not interceded, LP would have torn my foot apart in self defence
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J0nny Ling0
What is "LP"?
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TheSongRemainsTheSame
LP is my Dad's name.
Everyone called him LP
and many considered LP as like their dad
Hence, I call my Dad ~~~LP
Luthor Peterson
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J0nny Ling0
And yeah Johniam, I know you are right. But I am just so bummed that it came to that, my own flesh and blood. I do hope he ends up seeing it the way Song Remains The Same sees it...
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J0nny Ling0
Ok TSRTS. It's really really good it didn't come to blows for us too...
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ex70sHouston
O the memories. My now 22 yr old thought he knew it all at 18.
He blew a completly free collage ride because of drinking.
He finally came around as the hard knocks of life hit home.
he got the greatest card and gift for his mom yesterday.
It takes a while but they do grow up.
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mj412
Im going to ask you not to feel like a complete and total failure.
Because I have been there with many many teens mine and other family member I will try to help.
But mostly I will state being a a parent takes two things and everything will be alright. (unless their is some unforeseen mental or drug abuse issues that deal to be dealt with).
when a two year old can not communicate his feelings , is tired, feels over whelmed, angry and can not express with words...
What happens? Well most of us know don't we as we giggle about the time the little child "lost" it right then and there.
A temper trantrum! maybe they didnt get the nap or we can figure out why it must be so stressful to not be able to say the words they want to say so much.
We accept toddlers to have reactions that say they can not handle what is happening and we rush to their aid as a supportive loving parent as feel good and nuturing and worthwhile WE can be the helper of such confusion .
Here is the news flash that might help ya understand TEENS are adult toddlers, they are entering or trying to enter into a life that allows them new words freedoms and words to express how life feels NOW. It does not always go so smoothly for them, just as we understand how difficult a long car trip , or having to understand just why would have to share a new toy with a sibling, for a toddler, we should try to understand LIFE is also very unfair and overwhelming for teens and they do NOT have the skills yet to handle it. Over load happens and temper trantrums happens , females tend to stabalize within two years after her period has begun, but boys and their chemicals can take into their twenties . the brain in the teen years is growing at a massive rate we just do not notice they are growing up because it is in the brain, research has shown the brain is actualy growing, Im not taling about "mental" or understanding or coping skills.
Your son may feel very ashamed of what happen and he may never have intended all that to go on either.
it just did . they react because they do not know what eles to do, just like a toddler they do their best to maintain control untill they no longer can. Thank God he had safe enough loving parents where he could "lose it" and not turn to self detructive or to hurt another with his overwheling feelings.
I think you did ok. I think he did Ok. It was a rough patch and everyone sounds like they are all alright. I think it best to just move on and remember how much He loves ya and you him and these things happens. Yes I will say it , SET boundaries tell him like you did it is unacceptable to become physical or abusive with words.. but also maybe teach him about how when he is over tired or overwhelmed or very sad to USE words to communicate.
IM beyond middle age, and IM still learning how to use words to communicate MY own feelings too.
You know your kid you know if this is drug abuse, or just a bad night, still bothering him with the hurt , inside you do and you need to get honest about it and do the right thing if it is more serious than just an explosion of emotion.
trust your love for the kid it is all that will ever really matter anyways . I say with confidence after raising my own and hearing their feedback, on what could have been better or what did work to help them get through such a stage of life.
their dr. once told me and I thought it was very sound, just keep the door to talk open and it will all be alright eventualy.
Like the parent of the three or four year old that still wont go potty, or the occasional slip in the pants, we should understand that just because the toddler is six feet tall and has few choice ugly words they like to use doesnt mean they are any less frustrated or upset or even READY for all life puts in their path.
We really shouldnt think they should handle it all, they can not their brain isnt ready yet. but they are growing and getting better, and trust me, just like no one ever went to college in a diaper, your teen will eventualy be able to express his feeling and maintain his body parts hands and mouth, better more and more.
Till one day your sitting in the resturant with them on MOMS day and they have their own child and you wonder HOw the heck you ever got so blessed to have such a wonderful person in your life to love and give ya another. Life is amazing, time heals most of it,
if your really really concerned then listen to your gut and go to an expert and see what they think, but if not remmber all of us felt bad when the little baby fell on the side walk and skinned the precious knee the first time, and sometimes parents of teens can feel ashamed or bad too, but it isnt our to job to "protect" them from life, life is a good thing each must live for his own self. But we can soften the blows of it and put a couple of baid aids on and just forget bout it for now, stuff happens , you understand your a good parent. and that is all it takes.
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TheSongRemainsTheSame
Ya damned right you are.
That stuff hurts to the bone marrow of soul and love of children and chlidren love of parents.
What do you think your son is thinking?
I, would say the same thinking of feeling you just expressed ~~~
I am just so bummed that it came to that, my own flesh and blood.
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DaddyHoundog
Jonny-son
The boy was still extremely hurt from the night before....and still didn't know how to emotionally handle it, you and lovely wife and super-mom got the brunt of the hurt, it just comes out in a differnt way, and its hard as heck to see it when you are in the middle of it.
I hurt for your son, rejection is always ****ty!
take care dude,
Washingtonweather
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TheSongRemainsTheSame
Mr. Lingo,
When you posted your thread, it drew my attention for whatever reasons.
Maybe one reason so recent would be I have a thread in Doctrinal topic title
"I Love My Children Too" or something like that~~~
and just the events you so described as I read bought my right fist to a close and that feeling my LP's ear upon my cuff and the sounds of that day and the forgiveness, the genuine forgiveness, not the crap someone attempts to futher a ministry~~~ the genuine forgiveness of feeling a love that will never go away ever
or something like that
Time does not heal, although healing does occur in time. Bandages do not heal, although bandages assist the healing. Healing is a strange process of events to me. Strange because I do not understand the healing process.
I thinks the healing process begins at conception. But that would be another topic in another forum somewhere.
Johnny Lingo, best rest assured that day will live in your heart for all your life. Not every moment of your life. I only thought of that day I shared with you when you posted your thread 30 years later.
It's not hug and forget
it's hug and laugh and remember the next time
the next time being when your son has his kids he has definate knowledge such a situation
just rambling a care from the past
Song
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Jim
Nothing you could have done different.
It wasn't just a screwed-up evening and dinner, it was a rite of passage. Your son had to feel the hurt and pain to learn. You had to do what you had to do as a father. I've been there as a son and I've been there as a father. We all want the best for our kids.
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outofdafog
Hey Lingo, this is OoDaFog - if I was your mama I'd be kicking your butt for saying that right now. You know what I am talking about.
Hey I pay attention to your posts. I can tell the "heart" of the parent you are. You did the responsible parent thing. Kinda like in the 5 year old tantrum thread (instead we had an 18 year old tantrum) of course brought on by some very sad events the night before. But you really just "held" him as you would if he was younger to get his attention. There was nothing you would have been able to tell him until you got his attention.
You de-fused the situation first, obviously it was getting out of control. Then from what I can tell you handled it very appropriately.
Alot of different sentimental emotions playing all weekend at your house - senior prom, mothers day, your birthday. My goodness you did just fine. And you loved him up real good afterward, so you are great parents.
So young man, don't ever let me hear you say that again.
By the way............Happy Birthday
:)-->
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Oakspear
Yo! Lingo! Check your PT's
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Mister P-Mosh
I once instinctively tried to throw a punch at my stepdad once, and those who know him know that he is not the best person to try something like that against. It slowed down before going as far as you and your son went, but the feelings were the same. I also had issues with my parents after I turned 18, because I felt like I should be treated as an adult and they treated me like a child still.
In any case, after I did move out of my parents' house, it was the best thing for me. I learned to appreciate what my parents did and even though they didn't always do the right thing, they proved that they cared. It would probably be good for your son to have some space and move out on his own or spend some time elsewhere. He's just frustrated and not sure what to do. It's difficult being that age, but what is even worse is that he doesn't fully understand the role that his parents have played. I don't really know much about you but I do detect through what you write that you care about your family. Your son doesn't recognize that all the way now, but one day he will. Don't worry about whether or not you did a good job raising him. You did what you could do, and now he's old enough to start making some decisions on his own. You just have to be there to help him when he realizes that he needs it.
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J0nny Ling0
I am weeping. Thank you all...
P.S.
By God, I think I am going to ask him to read this thread. He knows I post here, and is amused by it. Thinks it's "neat". I think that your hearts are full of love, Beautiful, and I want him to see it...
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dmiller
Jonny -- I thought of quoting your entire original post, but it would be redundant, and pointless -- since you did the right thing, and have nothing to be ashamed of.
The fact that your son had a bad day right before a special one for you, says nothing against either of you -- feces happens -- and usually at the most inopportune times.
You did your best, you did well, and forgiveness was sought for in the end. I personally don't think you could have done better.
Lessons were learned all the way around -- and that's what life is -- learning one big lesson, and graduating with honors.
Methinks you all just got your *Master's* degree.
:)-->
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dmiller
And a quick ps ---Happy Birthday, Bro!
David
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Shellon
I'm a mom with a 23 year old daughter.
We spent some ROUGH years together from about age 16 til she moved out at my insistance at age 19.
We had some very close calls in terms of things almost becoming physical and it was some of the scariest times I've experienced in parenthood.
I spent alot of hours thinking "who is this person, she wasn't raised to behave like this" and all the guilt and questions and wonderings.
We do the very best we can do with our children, we eat alot of crap and take on more heartache than it seems one human could possibly.
You did what you had to do Jonny. The manboy was angry, hurt, embarassed, pick one and who do our kids take their stuff out on, usually?
He sounds like a good kid, just overwhelmed at this time.
It speaks highly of you and his mom, IMO, that he hung around and talked it out. That example had been set long ago.
My daughter? She's amazingly wonderful, a parent of a daughter herself now (giggle) and our relationship is great!
You and your son have what sounds to me like a pretty terrific relationship, yourselves.
It's the kids who take blows like he did the night before and DON'T react that I worry about.
Please keep us posted?
Happy Birthday!
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ChattyKathy
Jonny, I'd say it was a success for you both father and son. He was hurt, he's 18 and that alone is defining. And you were IMHO not out of line in your physical actions as well. Sometimes a couple of bulls have to butt heads you know. You'd not want any less than the backbone you possess would you? You were not a failure. I'd say the evening's closure of his hug to the both of you was what parents dream about.
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Sunesis
Jonny, you did exactly the right thing. Raging hormones, dumped by a girl he liked, humiliated at the prom, night spent on the mountain drinking to forget the pain, embarrassment and humiliation - like everyone else here has says, he lost it. Then, another woman wants to come over - he's thinking, he can redeem himself, she'll make it all right, she'll make him feel like a man again - he had a desperation to see her - NOW - it was almost a need for him - she can make it bearable.
Like you, he too will remember this days as long as he lives.
But, that said, there comes a day in every family where the young man goes up against his father, as someone said, its almost a rite of passage. As assertion of independence. What happened is nothing unusual, I saw it in my own family.
How did you respond? A headlock - you didn't hit, punch, get enraged, yell or scream, or whatever many a father may have tried, as the above poster said, he is too big to hug, you did the next best thing - headlock. You handled this in a mature loving way - you may not think so, but he will down the road.
I have a feeling, you will never go through a situation like this with him again. I have a feeling, he has a heart, realized what he did was wrong and has grown from it.
Quit beating yourself up! You and millions of fathers have been through this. He's a great kid 'cause he has a great mom and dad!
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ChasUFarley
Uh.... does this sound like the actions of a *bad parent*?
Life with kids - no matter the age - will never look as blissful as it does on TV (Waltons, The Ingalls, etc.) or sound as good as it does in some of the parenting magazines. I always have the "where did I go wrong?" feeling when my 3 year old argues, disobeys or just flat out has a temper tantrum - then I find that all my girlfriends with kids that age are going through the same thing.
Jonny - I don't know you personally - just from your posts - but it sounds to me like you have a heart the size of Texas and a lot of forgiveness and grace in that heart for your son. Several of the posters here have given you some great insight on your situation. I wish I could do the same but haven't the expereince to draw on, yet - but will keep this thread close to my heart...
(((Jonny)))
(((Mrs. Lingo)))
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outandabout
I think you handled it very well.
I almost came to blows with our almost-17 year old daughter after she came home late the second night in a row.
She was going to run back out because I confronted her, but I threw both sets of keys (to her car and mine) into the back of the downstairs bedroom closet without her knowing it.
She paced around and took herself and the dog into the backyard and smoked a cigarette.
It ain't easy. Then my husband told me later how "sad" she was because I was so "mean."
But you did great, JL. And your son seems like a really good kid.
And I'm sorry it happened on Mother's Day. My incident was right at the end of Mother's Day.
I've always wondered if there's a web site for parents of teens?
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