Guilty

[MikeK]

After Graduation of High School, spent about 6 months before attending Twig, Beautiful girl kissed me and said bless you, pretty soon another one even hotter did the same thing.. I love this Victor guy, where do I sign up, then I learned I was free to do the same thing to any girl at this meeting, 10 % Hell I'll give him half if this is the show.

Pretty soon it was less bless you kisses, more of my minumum wage given out to the point that I had to live in a way home with other people who were giving away there minumum wage but under no circumstances could we all afford to live on our own.

I did see some miracles, guys arm broken and healed, I was prayed for and have never had a migrain headache again, That and the possiblities of moving in with hot women sent me WOW to Colorado. Sold my Car to a believer who was going to send me money to pay my parents back the seed money to go WOW, never saw the car again along with my Sound system in which I left my Good Seed tape in the deck.

Wow in Colorado, year we spent 6 months in one area then moved to another part of state 6 months, ( great idea, I bet some righteous corp guy made reverend from that brainiac Idea,) took some of them six months to find a fricken job much less quit it and move to another part of the state. Anyway, Wow sister was, bi polar but working on being healed, Wow brother a Olympic down hill skier who gave up his postion to try and be in the winter olympics for CORP, but was a way favorite because once he was a corp guy another star for the way in the making, He was invited to the major snow resorts in Colorado with Craig and big Revs while I stayed home eating bean burritos, some still frozen, as our beliveing was not able to pay the entire power bill at one time but the possibilities of my other wow sister finding a job was looking good, on her good days.

I found a job as a disc jockey, which was reported to be a worldly position and I should evaluate if that was something god would be blessed if I did, I was able to sneek in public service announcements about the Way. This made God love my job, fickle that god.

I made alot more than min wage, I started saving my money for when I got the hell out of this WOW deal, I needed a car, skier boy had a car but would not let anyone in our family drive. Soon it was learned that I had saved 2,000 somebody got hurt in our area, and the guilt these people put on me to use my money to fix these people or give money to some street walker to pay for his class was un real. I was called every name in the book. " Did you come WOW to make money or move the word" There went my car, I think I did get one kiss out of it.

I was in charge of abundant sharing it was my job to collect it, blue form it and get it to headquarters, It was always short, no matter where I hid that money it was always off, Becasue it was my resposibility and it was Gods money if it was short I had to come up with it. So didn't want to .... the big guy off, I would cash even it and away it would go. I tried to give it to another, but it was a good lesson for me.

Came home early one day found the other WOW sister in our home money laying all over, She said she was cleaning closets for us to bless us. Flat busted, come to find out she had just got out of prison for stealing before the WOW field. Everyone prayed over her and it was all over.

Little while longer, came home and my sking sensation brother had my blue form open and was going through the money, surrounded by my corp sister leader, they asked me what was all this money, I told them that I went to the post office every two weeks or three becasue the post office is 10 miles away plus getting money orders was a hassle, skier started mixing the money and I told him to get the F*** out of my room, next thing I know I was laying on the ground with one tooth poking out of my broken jaw, two teeth completley gone, he got back on top of me while I was laying down and he gave me a concussion to the back of my head with another blow. I was rushed to the hospital bleeding profusely and told on the way that I should not of messed with GODs money.

While there laying on the gurney and the doctor lifting my head off the ground as they were trying to pull my one tooth out of my tonsil area, I was approached by a police officer who asked if I would like to press charges against the Olympic Way Hopeful, absolutly I said where do I sign, just as I was to sign in walks the Limb Leader, Don't do this the word says we are to work our own problems out, do not make this a legal issue.. Once again there went my car, I listend and Skier boy was off the hook, also because no police report financially I paid my bills, fortunalty becasue I was 19 my parent insurance was still in force for me but I still had to pay all co pays, medications, ex rays and deductibles.

24 hour prayer session was going on, Skier boy appologized, ya da ya da. Soon as I can get out of this Im gone.

One night on some very heavy pain medication I walked into his room with a frying pan, big has burrito cooking kind and thought about whacking him one time in the face, that lasted about 15 seconds then realized not good.

Secretly quit my job, loaded up my stuff and headed for the bus station. Im walking to the bus stop and just out of luck SKIER Boy sees me with my suit cases. He pulls over says where you going, **** *** Skier boy about all I could say, then the chase is on. He followed me to the bus station I got off early he didn't see me, next thing I know the bus station is surrounded by way bumber sticker cars, two days and two nights I stayed in downtown Colorado Springs in an old building across the street from the bus station with a clear view of the bus station. Finally about 2 am I walked into the bus station and mentioned my name and I was to pick up a ticket there from my parents. The guy said I can't give this to you everyone in town is looking for you, I showed him my face and said Im in a religious cult and if you don't give me this ticked thew will find me and kill me, obvioulsly it worked.

When home my brother who is WOW and going in the corp who first introduced me to those good looking women in Boise who kissed me, told me that eveyone was concerned and that I need to fullfill my commitment on the wow field or Spiritually I would die. Dell Duncan called me who was our leader told me the same thing.. pretty soon between everyone they talked me into going back, even my dad who was ready to pay deprogrammers said it's just a couple of months go back, Okay I will go. Still believed the way stuff and I did like a lot of people.

Went back lost no job, what do I do. One other WOW brother Rico who was from Peru South America, in broken english said, lets start our own business. I agreed and Arteios window cleaning was born, ( Window Cleaning and Way was the same word) We had never cleaned a window but what the Hell, Our first job was the filthiest windows you have ever seen a tire shop.

Rico said 35.00, I asked Rico how long would this take, he thought maybe one hour. It took us a full day, we did know to use ammonia, I asked how much he said probably the whole bottle to 5 gallons of water. Late we learned it was about 5 cap fulls, my throat swole shut from breathing the ammonia, and I could not talk that night. Rico went to collect our 35.00 the gentleman laughed and said they looked 10 times better before you guys started, he was right, more streaks then people in the 70s. He was going to refuse to pay but he said you both worked so hard, I got to pay you but don't come back.

We stayed at it, pretty soon we split off, Rico went on to become Colorado Springs largest Janitorial supplier and is a multi millionair in Colorado Springs, we have lost touch but I need to get hold of him.

Anyway, I stayed in moved back to Idaho for awhile went back to Colorado and met my wife of 22 years have three wonderful kids have a net worth of close to 5 million, all started from window cleaning and the way. My only problem is and this is where guilty comes as my title.

I have a lot of problems everyday with not being in a religious organization. My brother went on to be a minister and I feel like I should of taken the same path, but yet I could never do to people what the Way put me through, I can only imagine if I what I said was wrong, or if I told someone they should serve GOD and it's not right.

I still belive all organized religion is a cult of some sort, the trinity still makes on sense to me and I could never sit and listen to a church hog wash someone into believing it.

Im very prosperous, but I can't shake this guilt feeling, my wife does not understand it and frankly doesn't even think that way, My kids are into typical kid things yet I Would never want them to go through this feeling. I know it all stems from the Way teachings but there is no doubt in my mind that there is an incredible God, and that there is incredible evil in this world.

So in wrapping, number one thanks for reading, Do others feel guilty or is it just my personality.

Stupid question, maybe no answer.

Well if anything here is a kiss and a bless you.

Mike Kingsley

[oenophile]

Mike,

You are right. There is an incredible God and there is incredible evil in the world. The abuse you suffered in twi and the guilt they instilled in you is a part of that incredible evil. Ask the incredible God to break the bands of guilt and have the courage to step out of them.

Also, if you haven't already, I would encourage you to get professional help.

[A la prochaine]

Mike,

Welcome to GS...stick around and read....there's lots of information to digest...you might just get some answers to your question here.

I loved your story...very funny.. but I know it wasn't funny to experience at the time.

TWI was a nightmare for most!

[outandabout]

Wow, and I thought I had it tough. Glad you got out and are doing so well.

Sorry it was so bad for you. Lots of stupid things...I remember that dumb idea of moving half way through the year.

Can you stand to eat a burrito now?

[excathedra]

how are your poor teeth ?

you're a great writer

being raised with catholic guilt and then getting in the way which was even worse in the guilt dept., it's hard to get over

but i think a real loving person would never make me feel that way, so i figure how could god if he really loves me ?

i have not stepped foot in a church since leaving my second religion. and i won't

[MikeK]

My teeth are fine, I hate burritos. For years I had what they call a flipper, a plastic tooth that was kind of fun, I could take my tounge and move it in and out of the hole in a 1/10th of a second, it was really fun to look at people and flick it or move it a little and have them take a double take, little kids and old people were the best. Now I have the porcelain best you can get.

Being on this site is healthy and helping a lot I've spent a lot of time in here watching reading others stories, pretty amazing how they all seem the same in a lot of ways.

Thanks for reading,

Mike

[TheHighWay]

Mike…

Thank you for sharing.

Your story is unbelievable! Except, well, no it’s not… after all, I spent 19 years in the Way. There is just not much that surprises me anymore. (except the fact that I stayed so very long)

I’m just very happy for you, that you have a good marriage and a prosperous life. Please don’t feel guilty because you are “spiritual” enough, or aren’t “showing” your spirituality enough!! Ask yourself this question: How much of the guilt you feel is due to what you believe is “expected” of you? But where did you get those expectations? From what other people told you God wants? From what you see other people doing? Is the guilt from the fact that maybe you have achieved more in your life than others have so you feel you should be doing more? Only you can sort that out. But once you sort out WHAT you feel guilty about, and WHY you feel guilty about it, you are well on the road to resolving that guilt. You deserve a guilt-free life!!!

I, too, have not been able to find a church or group where I feel comfortable; partly because of belief issues, and partly because of control issues. So, I just go about my life marveling at the world in which we live, thankful for what has been laid out before me, and looking to do good when I can, without short-changing myself in the process. I still get blessed… every single day!! Just because others are making a more outward showing of their spiritual beliefs than I do, does not make me any less spiritual.

I hope you can find your peace.

TheHighWay

[Belle]

Incredible, Mike! Thank you for sharing your story with us. I'm sorry that you, too, have suffered at the hands of TWI.

Guilty? The short answer is, "NO" you shouldn't feel guilty. TWI set the rules and unrealistic expectations, not God. Many religions do the same thing, unfortunately. God is a personal God and does not require 1/100000000th of the things that we were taught. People, not God, try to make us feel guilty to control us and to get whatever it is they want from us.

You have a great wife, a great family and are doing very well so obviously you're doing many things right. :)--> Enjoy the fruits of your labor guilt-free and I hope that you stick around.

[Rejoice]

Jesus said, "Love God first, Love your neighbor as yourself...on these two hang all the law."

So dear Mike, you are free to be yourself as long as you live the law of love. I gave up being in an organization because it gets in the way of these two commands. I simply fellowship with like-hearted brethren.

[MikeK]

I am glad to have someone to talk to in regards to this, thank you all, I have not talked to anyone ever about this and telling my story to complete strangers is difficult but I do feel better letting it out, I think about coucil but then again most of the shrinks I play golf with or know are nuts so why share things biblical with them they don't have a clue, and christian councelors go to church so I know where they would be comeing from. With that said you are my choice for help and I do appreciate it.

I think most of it stems from in depth teachings that if you are doing well then obviously you have the blessing of Satan, "it is his world", Bow down and worship me and all this will be yours," if you aint giving 20% don't expect God to spit in your direction. Your blessings come from the wrong God if your not in fellowship". Harderfor a camel to go through and eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the Kingdom of Heaven.

Dog returning to his Vomit, Plus haveing a brother who is a minister still using my parents to live off yet he is serving God.

I think Highway hit it on the head. I watch people such as Mormons in our area prosper like crazy so I figure I must be as bad as them.

I know it's FN nuts, but were talking about GOD whom I am in total awe of. And if I had an a the least little thought that what I was doing was displeasing to him and a chance at blowing it with him or her, I would give it all away..I mean that's why I was in a cult of begin with just want to please the big dude.

Now on the other side, I am involved in all kinds of organizations and fund raisers we more than likley gave over 100,000 away just last year, hospital foundations, Red Cross, boys and girls clubs, habitat for humanity, many more.

If it wasn't for this uncontrollable guilty feeling towards God I could say I have the perfect life.

Maybe I should just buy the ministry, change a lot of things except the bless you kisses. Mike

[TheHighWay]

Mike... it's such a shame that twi put such a heavy burden on its people... "God won't spit in your direction" etc. BS!!

Just think of your own kids. If your child was as desperate to please you as you are to please God, don't you think that attitude alone would be greatly pleasing to you, the father?

But if your kid, in his efforts to please you, got himself all wound up about it, and was stressed all the time, to the point of feeling guilty and actually being fearful that he wasn't constantly pleasing to you... would that make you proud and happy as a father? I doubt it.

Sure, you want your kid to try their best, and hopefully not screw up too much, but you also want them to enjoy life. You want them to explore the possibilities this life has to offer and make their own choices and watch them grow and learn along the way. Why should we think the Heavenly Father is any different?

[Allan]

Hi Mike K and bless you.Yes, people need to hear enough of us to believe how 'devilish' a lot of TWI's actions are.I had two guys (one was my brother in law) walk into MY house and physically assault me in front of my family!!.

What they are trying to do is discourage us from any type of moving Gods' Word, but we keep going!!

Next to fear as a Christians greatest enemy would have to be discouragement and the Adversary sure has no shortage of 'discouragers' to send our way.

If you're thinking of starting anything up let me know if you want.www.anotherway.org.nz or get hold of John Shroyer or Wayne Clapp www.cffm.org Bless You bro!!

[A la prochaine]

Mike K,

I haven't had a chance to read all the above posts...but I thought of something that might help you with your guilt and shame.

There is a book here on GS that is recommended reading...The Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse.

You might want to check into that. I'm sure there would be answers in it for you.

Happy Journeying.

[dmiller]

quote:

Originally posted by MikeK:

I am glad to have someone to talk to in regards to this, thank you all, I have not talked to anyone ever about this and telling my story to complete strangers is difficult but I do feel better letting it out ... With that said you are my choice for help and I do appreciate it.

Mike K. -- Welcome to Greasespot! You can tell us anything around here, cause like you -- we all also have a *degree* from the "School Of Hard Knoxville", just like you.

quote:

If it wasn't for this uncontrollable guilty feeling towards God I could say I have the perfect life.

Mike

Don't neverrrr everrrr feel guilty about *cheating* God if you are looking at it like twi does. Of course it is possible to *cheat God* by not giving your best, or doing wrong, or sinning, etc., but my Bible seems to be missing that verse about *not even spitting my direction*, if ya catch my meaning, and get my drift. :D-->

Any-whoo -- welcome. Say what you will, and as often as you need to. You are among friends, and family. :)-->

[signals]

Welcome to the world of advance mind control! You were being exploited from that first kiss, and it spiraled all downhill from there.

The mental anguish you feel still haunts all of us at some point. You're the first I heard of being both physically and mentally tortured. Your brain went into overload to the point that you burned-out and possibly suffered a breakdown.

You had a chance to put someone into the legal system and expose them for who they are, and you didn't...BUT it's not your fault. This is an abused person syndrome. Without proper nurishment your mind cannot function correctly. Without a thought out plan, you will succumb to it, day-by-day.

As far as religion, yeah, most are skeptical about it's even mention, and that Jesus not God is a biggie for all involved.

To use The Way knowledge against them: Werewolf claimed that if there is one weak link in the Bible it falls apart. TWI and Werewolf proved that their teachings had enough holes to drive a convoy of riggs through. Therefore, we were fed the BIG LIE! They were the true authors of confusion. The thief that holds people in bondage was TWI, and still is until you CHOP the head of the serpent.

Think about seeking counseling both emotional and legal. If we all pull together what was once divided will soon conquer!