Because I'm a man, when I lock my keys in the car I will fiddle with a wire long after hypothermia, or heat stroke, has set in. AAA is not an option. I will win.
Because I'm a man, when the car isn't running very well, I will pop the hood and stare at the engine as if I know what I'm looking at. If another man shows up, one of us will say to the other, "I used to be able to fix these things, but now with all these computers and everything, I wouldn't know where to start." We will then drink beer and break wind as a form of Holy Communion.
Not Guilty. I fix it anyway. I might drink beer with male friends, but no farting.
Because I'm a man, when I catch a cold, I need someone to bring me soup and take care of me while I lie in bed and moan. You're a woman. You never get as sick as I do, so for you this isn't a problem.
Not Guilty. I'm the one running around taking care of the girls when they are sick.
Because I'm a man, I can be relied upon to purchase basic groceries at the store, like milk or bread. I cannot be expected to find exotic items like "cumin" or "tofu." For all I know, these are the same thing.
No Contest. I'm best with simple stuff, but can follow detailed orders when they are written down.
And never, under any
circumstances, expect me to pick up anything for which "feminine hygiene product" is a euphemism. (F.Y.I. guys cumin is a spice and not a bodily function)
Not Guilty. I had an exquisitely embarrasing visit to the drugstore one time. My wife needed a certain type of *cough* tampon and was too sick to go to the store and I had to ask the lady clerk for help.
BTW, watching your child being born breaks away alot of the male squeemishness of that sort of stuff.
Because I'm a man, when one of our appliances stops working, I will insist on taking it apart, despite evidence that this will just cost me twice as much, once the repair person gets here and has to put it back together.
No Contest. I *will* take it apart and fix it. It may cost more in time than a new one though.
Because I'm a man, I must hold the television remote control in my hand while I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced, I may miss a whole show looking for it (though one time I was able to survive by holding a calculator)...applies to engineers mainly.
Because I'm a man, there is no need to ask me what I'm thinking about. The answer is always either sex, cars or football. I have to make up something else when you ask, so don't ask.
Not Guilty. I tend to think of sex, classical music and computer design.
Because I'm a man, I do not want to visit your mother, or have your mother come visit us, or talk to her when she calls, or think about her any more than I have to Whatever you got her for Mother's Day is okay; I don't need to see it. And don't forget to pick up something for my mother too.
Not Guilty. I tend to be the one that keeps the peace during in-law visits.
Because I'm a man, you don't have to ask me if I liked the movie. Chances are, if you're crying at the end of it, I didn't.... and if you are feeling amorous afterwards...then I will certainly at least remember the name and recommend it to
Because I'm a man, I think what you're wearing is fine. I thought what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too. Either pair of shoes is fine. With the belt or without it, looks fine. Your hair is fine. You look fine. Can we just go
Because I'm a man, and this is, after all, the year 2005, I will share equally in the housework. You just do the laundry, the cooking, the cleaning, the vacuuming, and the dishes, and I'll do the rest... like looking for my socks, or like wandering around in the garden with a beer wondering what to do.
Not Guilty. I do my own laundry, and share the rest of the stuff. I do the front lawn and keep the cars maintained, she does the back yard and keeps the clothes maintained. Works for us.
"I am a man, therefore I do not ask directions, even when I am hopelessly lost -- being convinced in my mind I can find the way, without help from any other person."
Not guilty:
I always ask directions. And any man worth his salt should too, since it gets you there faster, even though you have to ask. Proves we're human too, which is already known by the female half, even though we try to hide it. :D-->
"Not Guilty. I do my own laundry, and share the rest of the stuff. I do the front lawn and keep the cars maintained, she does the back yard and keeps the clothes maintained. Works for us"
Can you please send me some of your DNA so I can have a clone made?
Bonus points if you'll change a diaper and feed the little critter every now and then.... And if you don't ask, "What's the matter with him?" when he cries - all the better!
My man and I pick out movies together. Once, and just once for each of us, we didn't particular enjoy the choice of the other and it was all right. I've been really ill and asked for assistance and received it. I was so sick it hurt to take a couple of steps and they were doing a remodel in my kitchen and the stuff in and around the cupboards needed to be moved. Daughter wasn't acting like she would do it and I called Oak. He didn't quite understand why I was asking for his help until he saw how ill I was. He has helped me with math when tears of frustration have been streaming down my face and he still loves me.
Some guys may be like what the intro to the thread was like. Mine is not. I do recognize some differences between communication styles and the sexes. I have learned you have to speak plain english and not "hint" about stuff that is important to you and sometimes you have to talk about on more than a few occasions for the other to get how important it is and consider a different way of handling some situations.
I don't like anything that even resembles a confrontation and have to be careful of saying "Oh this is great" when in reality it wouldn't be if it was an all the time thing.
Jim, it's awesome that you and your wife can depend on one another for stuff around the house to be done and that you can handle it when your girls are sick. They are lucky to have you and I think the reverse is true is well.
I liked Steve!'s comment about how it shows you have a woman in your life if you are purchasing female sanitary products.
“Because I'm a man, when I lock my keys in the car I will fiddle with a wire long after hypothermia, or heat stroke, has set in. AAA is not an option. I will win.”
I will ask for help long before hypothermia or heat stroke has set in.
“Because I'm a man, when the car isn't running very well, I will pop the hood and stare at the engine as if I know what I'm looking at. If another man shows up, one of us will say to the other, "I used to be able to fix these things, but now with all these computers and everything, I wouldn't know where to start." We will then drink beer and break wind as a form of Holy Communion.”
That is absurd. Cute but absurd, I really don’t think that any guy actually does this.
I know that I can not fix a modern car. My ’57 Willy yes, but not our modern vehicles, call for help.
“Because I'm a man, when I catch a cold, I need someone to bring me soup and take care of me while I lie in bed and moan. You're a woman. You never get as sick as I do, so for you this isn't a problem.”
I take care of Bonnie and the kids when they are sick.
“Because I'm a man, I can be relied upon to purchase basic groceries at the store, like milk or bread. I cannot be expected to find exotic items like "cumin" or "tofu." For all I know, these are the same thing. And never, under any circumstances, expect me to pick up anything for which "feminine hygiene product" is a euphemism. (F.Y.I. guys cumin is a spice and not a bodily function)”
This sounds like something off “blue-collar TV”.
I can shop for everything, but Bonnie has the prices memorized and cuts coupons, there is no way that I could ever match her with her coupons; so she does most grocery shopping. I routinely only shop for the fresh veggies and fruits [bonnie can not tell a ripe watermelon from a green cantaloupe, and she works as a produce grocer. Heh heh heh].
If a woman needs tampons or anything else, and your making the next trip to the store than why not get what is needed?
I secretly think that the other females in the store will highly respect you once they see you getting the goods without complaint.
This is like guys shopping for condoms. I would be proud to shop for them, it says that you hope to get some. I dont understand why gusy would want to hide that. Personally I get them for free, which is why I dont shop for them myself, they are too expensive.
“Because I'm a man, when one of our appliances stops working, I will insist on taking it apart, despite evidence that this will just cost me twice as much, once the repair person gets here and has to put it back together.”
Some appliances I fix, others I do not.
It comes with knowing what you can do.
I have NEVER, needed anyone else to go back in later to fix my screw-up.
“Because I'm a man, I must hold the television remote control in my hand while I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced, I may miss a whole show looking for it (though one time I was able to survive by holding a calculator)...applies to engineers mainly.”
What?
Who cares where or who has the remote?
“Because I'm a man, there is no need to ask me what I'm thinking about. The answer is always either sex, cars or football. I have to make up something else when you ask, so don't ask.”
Get a life.
Yes sex is nice, but only within a given context.
Cars are tools, I ‘think’ about them when driving or shopping for a new one.
I don’t like team sports, never have. I have watched too many guys devote way too much time trying to find the scores each week, and seen them go to pieces when the teleprinter died without printing the scores [heh heh heh].
“Because I'm a man, I do not want to visit your mother, or have your mother come visit us, or talk to her when she calls, or think about her any more than I have to Whatever you got her for Mother's Day is okay; I don't need to see it. And don't forget to pick up something for my mother too.”
I don’t get this one either.
Bonnie does not have a mother [she was orphaned as a child] so I guess I will leave this one to you who do have mother-in-laws. I do have a sister-in-law, she is great. I have no issues with her visiting, in fact Bonnie is traveling this weekend down to D.C. to spend a few days with her sister. Good for them.
“Because I'm a man, you don't have to ask me if I liked the movie. Chances are, if you're crying at the end of it, I didn't.... and if you are feeling amorous afterwards...then I will certainly at least remember the name and recommend it to
others.”
If it makes me want to cry, I walk out.
I don’t think I have ever seen Bonnie cry. Nor do I recall a movie ever changing her mood towards ‘amorous’.
“Because I'm a man, I think what you're wearing is fine. I thought what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too. Either pair of shoes is fine. With the belt or without it, looks fine. Your hair is fine. You look fine. Can we just go
now?”
LOL
I have seen women like this.
I am very thankful that I did not marry such.
She puts on what she is going to wear, and out we go. I have never been asked if it looked ‘okay’ or ‘better’, and that is fine with me.
On the other hand, once or twice in 21 years, I have asked her about what she thinks of my clothing and looks [she thinks the entire train of thought is far too vain].
“Because I'm a man, and this is, after all, the year 2005, I will share equally in the housework. You just do the laundry, the cooking, the cleaning, the vacuuming, and the dishes, and I'll do the rest... like looking for my socks, or like wandering around in the garden with a beer wondering what to do.”
I do laundry [but I hate hanging clothes on the line, I prefer winter when I use the dryer].
I cook, if I am home during the hour before dinner.
I clean [sweep, mop, wax the floors . Make my bed. Wipe down all horizontal counter-tops, etc].
I load the dish-washer [the kids unload it].
I don’t garden anymore, I did at the first dozen homes we lived at, but everytime I went away, everything died from lack of watering. So after years of trying I finally gave-up. I have started over a dozen gardens, but have never been able to harvest any of them, since I was a child.
“presented as a public service to the fairer sex”
Truly not a balanced perspective at all.
NotinKansas-
“Simple test. Answer this question, as though it came from your wife or girlfriend."
"Tell me the truth. Does this make me look fat?"
Maybe it is just from living a life with security clearances, but I have no issue at all, with simply not ansering some questions.
Or changing the subject,
Or answering a question with another question,
Or answering a question with a totally absurd whimsical answer.
Do you think it does?
I like the other pair.
I would prefer that you wore nothing at all.
In the greater scheme of the universe a blue mu-mu with flowers, is a miniacure cosmos all in itself and would truly require far more thought and consideration than I am willing to give it.
“Because I'm a man, when the car isn't running very well, I will pop the hood and stare at the engine as if I know what I'm looking at. If another man shows up, one of us will say to the other, "I used to be able to fix these things, but now with all these computers and everything, I wouldn't know where to start." We will then drink beer and break wind as a form of Holy Communion.”
That is absurd. Cute but absurd, I really don’t think that any guy actually does this.
I am a man, therefore I do not ask directions, even when I am hopelessly lost -- being convinced in my mind I can find the way, without help from any other person
X marks the spot on this one..
Besides, it is SO educational. How else can you learn the ninety nine INCORRECT ways to get to said destination? Then you're the expert. Then if somebody else is looking for it, you can say "no, don't go that way, or that other way- this way may work..."
"Galen - it's not about fixing the cars, it's *all about* the commiserating."
Isn't that what women do when they get together and watch a 'chick-flick'?
"Haven't you ever heard of "male bonding"?"
I have spent so many years locked up with other guys, I just dont have much desire to do that any more.
Even when I was under-water, I was much happier looking up words in a Strong's and comparing usages. Rather than bragging about my female conquests, or how far I could spit, or how long my p---s is.
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Shellon
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Belle
Loved it!
:D-->
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Jim
Not Guilty. I do my own laundry, and share the rest of the stuff. I do the front lawn and keep the cars maintained, she does the back yard and keeps the clothes maintained. Works for us.
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Steve!
Once I realized a couple of things, it's actually not been a problem for me - as a matter of fact, just the opposite!
1. Is anyone in the store seriously going to think that these products will be used by a me?
2. Isn't a purchase of these products a huge banner that says "I got a woman!"?
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notinKansasanymore
Okay, so you're men.
But are you intelligent men?
Simple test. Answer this question, as though it came from your wife or girlfriend.
"Tell me the truth. Does this make me look fat?"
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Jim
"Don't ask a question you might not want to hear the answer to"
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notinKansasanymore
Wrong answer!
Grab a club and head off to the Mammoth hunts.
(kidding, kidding.)
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Zshot
I would answer if I could actually see the picture...
And if I were able to see the picture, I would sa..."You look lovely".
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Shellon
That's your answer??
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George Aar
No, Honey, the clothes don't make you look fat, the fat does...
Yeah, honesty has done wonders for my sex life.
(fortunately I have a skinny wife)
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dmiller
You forgot to add:
"I am a man, therefore I do not ask directions, even when I am hopelessly lost -- being convinced in my mind I can find the way, without help from any other person."
Not guilty:
I always ask directions. And any man worth his salt should too, since it gets you there faster, even though you have to ask. Proves we're human too, which is already known by the female half, even though we try to hide it.
:D-->
.
.
.
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Jim
No, that's the ground rule we established years ago concerning such questions.
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ChasUFarley
Jim --
I think I'm in love.
You wrote:
"Not Guilty. I do my own laundry, and share the rest of the stuff. I do the front lawn and keep the cars maintained, she does the back yard and keeps the clothes maintained. Works for us"
Can you please send me some of your DNA so I can have a clone made?
Bonus points if you'll change a diaper and feed the little critter every now and then.... And if you don't ask, "What's the matter with him?" when he cries - all the better!
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reikilady
My man and I pick out movies together. Once, and just once for each of us, we didn't particular enjoy the choice of the other and it was all right. I've been really ill and asked for assistance and received it. I was so sick it hurt to take a couple of steps and they were doing a remodel in my kitchen and the stuff in and around the cupboards needed to be moved. Daughter wasn't acting like she would do it and I called Oak. He didn't quite understand why I was asking for his help until he saw how ill I was. He has helped me with math when tears of frustration have been streaming down my face and he still loves me.
Some guys may be like what the intro to the thread was like. Mine is not. I do recognize some differences between communication styles and the sexes. I have learned you have to speak plain english and not "hint" about stuff that is important to you and sometimes you have to talk about on more than a few occasions for the other to get how important it is and consider a different way of handling some situations.
I don't like anything that even resembles a confrontation and have to be careful of saying "Oh this is great" when in reality it wouldn't be if it was an all the time thing.
Jim, it's awesome that you and your wife can depend on one another for stuff around the house to be done and that you can handle it when your girls are sick. They are lucky to have you and I think the reverse is true is well.
I liked Steve!'s comment about how it shows you have a woman in your life if you are purchasing female sanitary products.
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WordWolf
Steve! may have gotten it from a comedian.
One comedian once was sent to buy them, and, while he was in the checkout line,
he saw a gay guy looking at him.
"I was never so glad to be buying pads in all my life.
Miss? Can we get a price check on these PADS?
We all know they're not for ME..."
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Galen
Mark:
“Because I'm a man, when I lock my keys in the car I will fiddle with a wire long after hypothermia, or heat stroke, has set in. AAA is not an option. I will win.”
I will ask for help long before hypothermia or heat stroke has set in.
“Because I'm a man, when the car isn't running very well, I will pop the hood and stare at the engine as if I know what I'm looking at. If another man shows up, one of us will say to the other, "I used to be able to fix these things, but now with all these computers and everything, I wouldn't know where to start." We will then drink beer and break wind as a form of Holy Communion.”
That is absurd. Cute but absurd, I really don’t think that any guy actually does this.
I know that I can not fix a modern car. My ’57 Willy yes, but not our modern vehicles, call for help.
“Because I'm a man, when I catch a cold, I need someone to bring me soup and take care of me while I lie in bed and moan. You're a woman. You never get as sick as I do, so for you this isn't a problem.”
I take care of Bonnie and the kids when they are sick.
“Because I'm a man, I can be relied upon to purchase basic groceries at the store, like milk or bread. I cannot be expected to find exotic items like "cumin" or "tofu." For all I know, these are the same thing. And never, under any circumstances, expect me to pick up anything for which "feminine hygiene product" is a euphemism. (F.Y.I. guys cumin is a spice and not a bodily function)”
This sounds like something off “blue-collar TV”.
I can shop for everything, but Bonnie has the prices memorized and cuts coupons, there is no way that I could ever match her with her coupons; so she does most grocery shopping. I routinely only shop for the fresh veggies and fruits [bonnie can not tell a ripe watermelon from a green cantaloupe, and she works as a produce grocer. Heh heh heh].
If a woman needs tampons or anything else, and your making the next trip to the store than why not get what is needed?
I secretly think that the other females in the store will highly respect you once they see you getting the goods without complaint.
This is like guys shopping for condoms. I would be proud to shop for them, it says that you hope to get some. I dont understand why gusy would want to hide that. Personally I get them for free, which is why I dont shop for them myself, they are too expensive.
“Because I'm a man, when one of our appliances stops working, I will insist on taking it apart, despite evidence that this will just cost me twice as much, once the repair person gets here and has to put it back together.”
Some appliances I fix, others I do not.
It comes with knowing what you can do.
I have NEVER, needed anyone else to go back in later to fix my screw-up.
“Because I'm a man, I must hold the television remote control in my hand while I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced, I may miss a whole show looking for it (though one time I was able to survive by holding a calculator)...applies to engineers mainly.”
What?
Who cares where or who has the remote?
“Because I'm a man, there is no need to ask me what I'm thinking about. The answer is always either sex, cars or football. I have to make up something else when you ask, so don't ask.”
Get a life.
Yes sex is nice, but only within a given context.
Cars are tools, I ‘think’ about them when driving or shopping for a new one.
I don’t like team sports, never have. I have watched too many guys devote way too much time trying to find the scores each week, and seen them go to pieces when the teleprinter died without printing the scores [heh heh heh].
“Because I'm a man, I do not want to visit your mother, or have your mother come visit us, or talk to her when she calls, or think about her any more than I have to Whatever you got her for Mother's Day is okay; I don't need to see it. And don't forget to pick up something for my mother too.”
I don’t get this one either.
Bonnie does not have a mother [she was orphaned as a child] so I guess I will leave this one to you who do have mother-in-laws. I do have a sister-in-law, she is great. I have no issues with her visiting, in fact Bonnie is traveling this weekend down to D.C. to spend a few days with her sister. Good for them.
“Because I'm a man, you don't have to ask me if I liked the movie. Chances are, if you're crying at the end of it, I didn't.... and if you are feeling amorous afterwards...then I will certainly at least remember the name and recommend it to
others.”
If it makes me want to cry, I walk out.
I don’t think I have ever seen Bonnie cry. Nor do I recall a movie ever changing her mood towards ‘amorous’.
“Because I'm a man, I think what you're wearing is fine. I thought what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too. Either pair of shoes is fine. With the belt or without it, looks fine. Your hair is fine. You look fine. Can we just go
now?”
LOL
I have seen women like this.
I am very thankful that I did not marry such.
She puts on what she is going to wear, and out we go. I have never been asked if it looked ‘okay’ or ‘better’, and that is fine with me.
On the other hand, once or twice in 21 years, I have asked her about what she thinks of my clothing and looks [she thinks the entire train of thought is far too vain].
“Because I'm a man, and this is, after all, the year 2005, I will share equally in the housework. You just do the laundry, the cooking, the cleaning, the vacuuming, and the dishes, and I'll do the rest... like looking for my socks, or like wandering around in the garden with a beer wondering what to do.”
I do laundry [but I hate hanging clothes on the line, I prefer winter when I use the dryer].
I cook, if I am home during the hour before dinner.
I clean [sweep, mop, wax the floors . Make my bed. Wipe down all horizontal counter-tops, etc].
I load the dish-washer [the kids unload it].
I don’t garden anymore, I did at the first dozen homes we lived at, but everytime I went away, everything died from lack of watering. So after years of trying I finally gave-up. I have started over a dozen gardens, but have never been able to harvest any of them, since I was a child.
“presented as a public service to the fairer sex”
Truly not a balanced perspective at all.
NotinKansas-
“Simple test. Answer this question, as though it came from your wife or girlfriend."
"Tell me the truth. Does this make me look fat?"
Maybe it is just from living a life with security clearances, but I have no issue at all, with simply not ansering some questions.
Or changing the subject,
Or answering a question with another question,
Or answering a question with a totally absurd whimsical answer.
Do you think it does?
I like the other pair.
I would prefer that you wore nothing at all.
In the greater scheme of the universe a blue mu-mu with flowers, is a miniacure cosmos all in itself and would truly require far more thought and consideration than I am willing to give it.
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markomalley
Galen,
It was intended as humor. Geez.
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Galen
Mark:
Yes, sir.
I go back in corner now.
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Steve!
I saw guys doing that just last weekend.
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Galen
Steve!:
"I saw guys doing that just last weekend."
Rather than just getting an appointment with their local grease-monkey?
:-)
I know that I cant 'fix' most stuff on them, so why commisserate about it?
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Ham
X marks the spot on this one..
Besides, it is SO educational. How else can you learn the ninety nine INCORRECT ways to get to said destination? Then you're the expert. Then if somebody else is looking for it, you can say "no, don't go that way, or that other way- this way may work..."
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Ham
The car pulls up the fourth or fifth time. "Which way did you say to go?"
We're just trying to get expert advise from somebody with the same amount of mental acumen as ourselves.
Now you see why guys hesitate to ask for directions.. heh heh.
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Steve!
Galen - it's not about fixing the cars, it's *all about* the commiserating.
Haven't you ever heard of "male bonding"?
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Galen
Steve!:
"Galen - it's not about fixing the cars, it's *all about* the commiserating."
Isn't that what women do when they get together and watch a 'chick-flick'?
"Haven't you ever heard of "male bonding"?"
I have spent so many years locked up with other guys, I just dont have much desire to do that any more.
Even when I was under-water, I was much happier looking up words in a Strong's and comparing usages. Rather than bragging about my female conquests, or how far I could spit, or how long my p---s is.
:-)
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