Last year at Thanksgiving, on Thanksgiving Day to be precise, we experienced a major family crisis which some of our family are still paying the price for. This year, hubby and I are flying to Massachusetts, just to be safe!
We all know the holidays are supposed to be all lovey dovey and such, but for many people, they can be a time of extreme emotional and/or physical conflict. Please devote some time this year to prayer for those less fortunate than yourself.
In our case, we are not needy at all, as far as the eye can see. But we were extremely needy in other ways. In fact, only God knows where real need exists. Prayer changes things. Prayer is giving. Please devote lots of time this holiday season to it for both your own family and for others. You will be "giving" more than you will ever know.
When I was doing foster care that was the biggest time I recieved kids. It was so sad. IT can be a hard time for families. I think the pressure is on because society has made it so that people believe that that is the time that we are to enjoy and be a perfect family. That perfect family thing does not exist. But that is what I believe.
I try and make it a comfortable time for my kids. I don't get together with relatives. The main reason is that I live too far away. But another reason is that its just too hard on the whole family. I had a brother that died several years ago and its hard on my mom during that time and if we all get together it puts too much stress on her. Its better to get together when its not a holiday. For my family at least.
It has helped greatly with my kids to be able to get out and help others. The focus is not on the family but others.
Ok!! I will not try to be a nice person...ok? I will not!!
The perfect family does happen the perfect family to me is one that copes with a life long relationships and all that life brings...
I truly believe family is priceless and so very helpful in life.
problem solving come from a strong family from generations that know how to handle what life is with a common bond of knowing and loving one another for the longest period of anyones life.
is their families that can not cope with one another?
yes increasinly today people do not invest in one another and relationships have become like much of todays society as a throw away thing. not good enough throw it away find something eles that suits only you.
yes I see and interact with five generations and Yes I ask my children to do the same. It is one of lifes greatest joys to be with people who know you and love you and care about you more than anyone on earth . Problems arise because people do not adrress issues within family or because family have decayed from day one.
healthy families are a wonderful part of life and to be healthy in any relationship takes prayer and commintment and a love that can and does cross generations . I believe this is how wisdom is learned in life.
it also takes the ability to put family first as a group that has sharded history and love beyond whatever life may present .
I know without family many people struggle in life. We can chose who we can have as family but that does not deny our history from where we come from.
I think it is very very sad to see people decide the family is not the foundation of what America stands on.
Strong families breed strong people which breed a strong society .
who makes the green bean dish and who owes who money pale in what life is really about at thanksgiving of each others love and support. it allows traditions of the love families share to flourish and passes it down to another generation that will cherish those special holidays with their children. It shows the generation how very very thankful I am to be a part of a life time of commintment to one another in love and caring.
oh I wouldnt miss it for anything. The great grammas and grammas in our lifes are respected and rewarded at these meals as queens and Kings of hundreds of folks walking in their example of what makes us all live life to the max! We invite who ever wants to come and include neighbors and friends and who ever wants to see why we are indeed thankful for one another and God grace in these troubled times. Roots are very very improtant to us. But most of all it is a time of being with people who know you best of all even if it has been an entire year since you have seen one another ! It is very very important a priority for all of us!
I firmly believe the best coping skills in life come from families.
I know bitterness and angry feeling and selfishness within families allow holidays to become about ones self instead of one another.
I have had holidays with realtives I am very angry at but we go and so do they. Love and commintment works out many issues that people have within a family structure.
Places that need volunteering such as a meal give away or shelter need help 365 days a year . sure give away if that is what you want to do it is a constant need in society not just on thanksgiving day.. YET to say you can not love or forgive one another in your OWN FAMILY just ONE day a year speakes volumes to children about what is really important in life and how to cope with it.
To live love and forgivness you must be taught within your own life and ideals and the best way is from a child seeing families learning just how it can and is done by example.
It isnt the easy route that is for sure but the values children and adults take from the willingness to try to be thankful and forgive one another within the structure they are born, it does suceed to teach another generation how to make for a strong and loving people and families.
the decay of the family is caused by the lie that famlies have to be perfect they do not they just have to be thankful and care enough to not write each other off as not important enough to spend a meal with.
You know mj, what I said had nothing to do with my family not getting along. My family and I are very close. As I mentioned we had a death in our family and its very hard for us to get together at that time. It is too stressful on my mother. The reason why its so stressful for her is that she feels the need to serve and be the hostess and she can't handle that at that time of year. I'm so glad you have such a great and healthy family. But please don't put me in a category.
And you know it kind of makes me mad because I'm talking about giving and how important it is to not just look at the thanks part but the giving part. That is the context of the thread not getting into how great your family and how great YOU are. And how other families don't function as well as your own.
And you know what? If a family can't get together because it does not function well is it any right of yours to judge just because you have that such a perfect family?
I also said that thanksgiving time is a great time for me to show MY kids the aspect of giving. Thanksgiving is looked upon as giving thanks for what you have. I'm looking at it as giving to those that don't have. Of course you can give any time of the year.
But obviously you never been around people that don't have on THEIR level. They would like families and homes and such. What about the kids? Anyways, I hate the way you judge people. Just because YOU have such a great life doesn't mean that everyone has. Does that make them wrong because you don't live that way? UGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ok!! I will not try to be a nice person...ok? I will not!!
I loved the movie 'Pay it Forward"!!!!!!! I cried my eyeballs out. I loved how it showed how it effected a lot of lives. This was a true story. Sad though the end of it.
Ok!! I will not try to be a nice person...ok? I will not!!
i also know people who don't get together at the holidays because it's just so hurtful for the person missing who has passed away. it's just too tough for them
everyone has to decide what is right for them
and as far as giving to others outside our family at thanksgiving and christmas, how wonderful, because those people realize most of all (with all the sparkly stuff around them) how much they don't have
I really am thankful to you. You understand my heart. And the experience of the tremendous loss of my family. Although it was many years ago it still will always be there.
He was my brother and hurt and changed my life but I think of my mother and the loss she had. I don't know if I could even function if it was my own child.
We don't get together for the holidays out of respect for my mother and how hard it is on her.
Not to mention that I"m about 3 thousand miles away.
I really am working on with my kids how important it is to be able to give. I think nowadays a lot of people only think of themselves and never get out of the me thing. Right now my kids are teens and I've taught them from babyhood that giving is so important. But as you all know teens are very selfish and I"m still working with them so that they know how important it is. Plus this is a great way to do something as a family.
Ok!! I will not try to be a nice person...ok? I will not!!
Yet you seem to fill in all the blamks on what my family is or isnt or has done or has not.
We have five generations do you think we have had death in our family?
Even children have died. I am not judging if a family member does not feel up to it why not allow someone eles host the celebration of a life together? It is a tradition that fills the generations with hope and love . the Joy has little to do with glitter or" sparkly "stuff ours come from within our care and concern for one anothers well being for sure!
the fact I celebrate love and thanksgiving with those who mean the most makes you angry ?
Isolation in times of great need and grief isnt healthy it is sad and what families are truly needed for to share with in the good and bad times . who eles can really feel the pain and heal your heart but those who know the loss and the need to be with another to care?
The holidays allow a connection to form in our busy lifes , to make the time and the commintment to one another is and always important in our life. We invite everyone boyfriends and ex husbands whatever it is a celebration and a true thanksgiving of one another.
you said you wanted this thread to be about how we give, the fact I recognize giving begins in our own home and with our own family makes you angry... To not being able to celebrate with those you claim to love the most is just what?
Obviously you haven't ever given outside of the family to understand what I"m talking about.
Why do I have to be with family on thanksgiving just because you 'think' its family time?
We do get together as a family just not during holidays. In fact I'm going out 3 thousand miles to see my family this summer. Everyone is traveling out there.
Maybe your just not getting what this whole thread is about. Its not about you. Or how your coping with how important it is to be with YOUR family.
I'm talking about what people do to give on the outside. You have completely missed the point.
I don't want to be mean mj but can you just leave it alone? Maybe your having a bad day or whatever but please leave it alone.
Its really great you have a wonderful family and everything and that you love to spend it during the holidays and you think that giving is putting up with certain things with your family. But not all of us here have that privilege be it being too far away or a death in the family.
Not all families deal with things the way yours does. More power to you and your family. It doesn't make it right or wrong.
Your beliefs are different. You believe that its very important to be with your relatives. Thats great!!! But to judge that others should and that it is that time of year that everyone should be together is not right.
Is there some rule book that says we have to be with our relatives for thanksgiving? Where are the rules, I would love to see them.
Ok!! I will not try to be a nice person...ok? I will not!!
I didn't say you need to leave MJ, I said stop screwing with me.
As I said your beliefs are great but not everyone can spend time with their relatives and not every one deals with the same thing the same way. It neither makes them right or wrong.
You have not walked in my shoes nor anyone else here.
As I said its great what you believe but its not like that for everyone. And if they don't do what you do there is absolutely nothing wrong with that.
It sounds like you have great stress levels. I applaud you and your resilience.
Ok!! I will not try to be a nice person...ok? I will not!!
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jezusfreaky
LOL!!! Hey Vick...great minds and all that! See the Angel Tree thread! And as hard as you may try...you ARE a nice person!
:)-->
Love y'all,
-Colleen
GO VOLS!!
''...show a little faith, there's magic in the night, you ain't a beauty, but hey, you're alright, oh, and that's alright with me...''
-Bruce Springsteen
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nolongerlurking
Last year at Thanksgiving, on Thanksgiving Day to be precise, we experienced a major family crisis which some of our family are still paying the price for. This year, hubby and I are flying to Massachusetts, just to be safe!
We all know the holidays are supposed to be all lovey dovey and such, but for many people, they can be a time of extreme emotional and/or physical conflict. Please devote some time this year to prayer for those less fortunate than yourself.
In our case, we are not needy at all, as far as the eye can see. But we were extremely needy in other ways. In fact, only God knows where real need exists. Prayer changes things. Prayer is giving. Please devote lots of time this holiday season to it for both your own family and for others. You will be "giving" more than you will ever know.
nolongerworking
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vickles
nll, you are so right.
When I was doing foster care that was the biggest time I recieved kids. It was so sad. IT can be a hard time for families. I think the pressure is on because society has made it so that people believe that that is the time that we are to enjoy and be a perfect family. That perfect family thing does not exist. But that is what I believe.
I try and make it a comfortable time for my kids. I don't get together with relatives. The main reason is that I live too far away. But another reason is that its just too hard on the whole family. I had a brother that died several years ago and its hard on my mom during that time and if we all get together it puts too much stress on her. Its better to get together when its not a holiday. For my family at least.
It has helped greatly with my kids to be able to get out and help others. The focus is not on the family but others.
Ok!! I will not try to be a nice person...ok? I will not!!
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mj412
we get together for thanksgiving.
The perfect family does happen the perfect family to me is one that copes with a life long relationships and all that life brings...
I truly believe family is priceless and so very helpful in life.
problem solving come from a strong family from generations that know how to handle what life is with a common bond of knowing and loving one another for the longest period of anyones life.
is their families that can not cope with one another?
yes increasinly today people do not invest in one another and relationships have become like much of todays society as a throw away thing. not good enough throw it away find something eles that suits only you.
yes I see and interact with five generations and Yes I ask my children to do the same. It is one of lifes greatest joys to be with people who know you and love you and care about you more than anyone on earth . Problems arise because people do not adrress issues within family or because family have decayed from day one.
healthy families are a wonderful part of life and to be healthy in any relationship takes prayer and commintment and a love that can and does cross generations . I believe this is how wisdom is learned in life.
it also takes the ability to put family first as a group that has sharded history and love beyond whatever life may present .
I know without family many people struggle in life. We can chose who we can have as family but that does not deny our history from where we come from.
I think it is very very sad to see people decide the family is not the foundation of what America stands on.
Strong families breed strong people which breed a strong society .
who makes the green bean dish and who owes who money pale in what life is really about at thanksgiving of each others love and support. it allows traditions of the love families share to flourish and passes it down to another generation that will cherish those special holidays with their children. It shows the generation how very very thankful I am to be a part of a life time of commintment to one another in love and caring.
oh I wouldnt miss it for anything. The great grammas and grammas in our lifes are respected and rewarded at these meals as queens and Kings of hundreds of folks walking in their example of what makes us all live life to the max! We invite who ever wants to come and include neighbors and friends and who ever wants to see why we are indeed thankful for one another and God grace in these troubled times. Roots are very very improtant to us. But most of all it is a time of being with people who know you best of all even if it has been an entire year since you have seen one another ! It is very very important a priority for all of us!
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excathedra
holidays are tough for many families (reasons) and joyous for many people (reasons)
no one knows unless you've lived in "their" shoes
vickles, such a lovely loving heart behind your thread / post
?
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mj412
I firmly believe the best coping skills in life come from families.
I know bitterness and angry feeling and selfishness within families allow holidays to become about ones self instead of one another.
I have had holidays with realtives I am very angry at but we go and so do they. Love and commintment works out many issues that people have within a family structure.
Places that need volunteering such as a meal give away or shelter need help 365 days a year . sure give away if that is what you want to do it is a constant need in society not just on thanksgiving day.. YET to say you can not love or forgive one another in your OWN FAMILY just ONE day a year speakes volumes to children about what is really important in life and how to cope with it.
To live love and forgivness you must be taught within your own life and ideals and the best way is from a child seeing families learning just how it can and is done by example.
It isnt the easy route that is for sure but the values children and adults take from the willingness to try to be thankful and forgive one another within the structure they are born, it does suceed to teach another generation how to make for a strong and loving people and families.
the decay of the family is caused by the lie that famlies have to be perfect they do not they just have to be thankful and care enough to not write each other off as not important enough to spend a meal with.
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excathedra
i love that movie "home for the holidays" i think is the name
holly hunter, robert downey jr. et al.
?
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mj412
never saw it.
I used to want to fix every one in my family ya know make them sane and well by my estimation...of what would work for me.
but I learned Real love isnt quite that selfish .
thank God.
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excathedra
oh you gotta rent that movie mj !!!!!
?
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Kit Sober
the movie "Pay it Forward" words it that you can fix people.
My opinion: The kindness and affection we have one for another, and the effort we put forth to help people out, helps mend cracks in the soul.
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excathedra
absolutely kit
?
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vickles
You know mj, what I said had nothing to do with my family not getting along. My family and I are very close. As I mentioned we had a death in our family and its very hard for us to get together at that time. It is too stressful on my mother. The reason why its so stressful for her is that she feels the need to serve and be the hostess and she can't handle that at that time of year. I'm so glad you have such a great and healthy family. But please don't put me in a category.
And you know it kind of makes me mad because I'm talking about giving and how important it is to not just look at the thanks part but the giving part. That is the context of the thread not getting into how great your family and how great YOU are. And how other families don't function as well as your own.
And you know what? If a family can't get together because it does not function well is it any right of yours to judge just because you have that such a perfect family?
I also said that thanksgiving time is a great time for me to show MY kids the aspect of giving. Thanksgiving is looked upon as giving thanks for what you have. I'm looking at it as giving to those that don't have. Of course you can give any time of the year.
But obviously you never been around people that don't have on THEIR level. They would like families and homes and such. What about the kids? Anyways, I hate the way you judge people. Just because YOU have such a great life doesn't mean that everyone has. Does that make them wrong because you don't live that way? UGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ok!! I will not try to be a nice person...ok? I will not!!
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vickles
I loved the movie 'Pay it Forward"!!!!!!! I cried my eyeballs out. I loved how it showed how it effected a lot of lives. This was a true story. Sad though the end of it.
Ok!! I will not try to be a nice person...ok? I will not!!
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vickles
Oh, and btw, MJ, I was being facetious about you and your perfect family.
Ok!! I will not try to be a nice person...ok? I will not!!
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vickles
I am usually a nice person but don't feel nice right now...
Ok!! I will not try to be a nice person...ok? I will not!!
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excathedra
i also know people who don't get together at the holidays because it's just so hurtful for the person missing who has passed away. it's just too tough for them
everyone has to decide what is right for them
and as far as giving to others outside our family at thanksgiving and christmas, how wonderful, because those people realize most of all (with all the sparkly stuff around them) how much they don't have
love, love, love
?
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excathedra
vickles, you have a beautiful soul
thank you for starting this thread
mwah mwah mwah mm
you know what that code word is "mm"
;)--> hugs
?
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vickles
aawwww ex,
I really am thankful to you. You understand my heart. And the experience of the tremendous loss of my family. Although it was many years ago it still will always be there.
He was my brother and hurt and changed my life but I think of my mother and the loss she had. I don't know if I could even function if it was my own child.
We don't get together for the holidays out of respect for my mother and how hard it is on her.
Not to mention that I"m about 3 thousand miles away.
I really am working on with my kids how important it is to be able to give. I think nowadays a lot of people only think of themselves and never get out of the me thing. Right now my kids are teens and I've taught them from babyhood that giving is so important. But as you all know teens are very selfish and I"m still working with them so that they know how important it is. Plus this is a great way to do something as a family.
Ok!! I will not try to be a nice person...ok? I will not!!
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excathedra
i am deeply sorry for your loss dear vickles and especially for your mom
i never have the words to express my deepest sympathy
**
hey as long as your teens have you as a mom, i think they are going to be AOK
love you
?
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mj412
I assume nothing.
Yet you seem to fill in all the blamks on what my family is or isnt or has done or has not.
We have five generations do you think we have had death in our family?
Even children have died. I am not judging if a family member does not feel up to it why not allow someone eles host the celebration of a life together? It is a tradition that fills the generations with hope and love . the Joy has little to do with glitter or" sparkly "stuff ours come from within our care and concern for one anothers well being for sure!
the fact I celebrate love and thanksgiving with those who mean the most makes you angry ?
Isolation in times of great need and grief isnt healthy it is sad and what families are truly needed for to share with in the good and bad times . who eles can really feel the pain and heal your heart but those who know the loss and the need to be with another to care?
The holidays allow a connection to form in our busy lifes , to make the time and the commintment to one another is and always important in our life. We invite everyone boyfriends and ex husbands whatever it is a celebration and a true thanksgiving of one another.
you said you wanted this thread to be about how we give, the fact I recognize giving begins in our own home and with our own family makes you angry... To not being able to celebrate with those you claim to love the most is just what?
it sure isnt being thankful that is for sure.
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vickles
Gosh mj,
go find someone else to screw around with will ya?
Ok!! I will not try to be a nice person...ok? I will not!!
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mj412
because you do not agree , with my thoughts on thanksgivng ,what I said isnt good enough for you? So I need to leave ?
Im not screwing with you , what does that mean ?
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vickles
Obviously you haven't ever given outside of the family to understand what I"m talking about.
Why do I have to be with family on thanksgiving just because you 'think' its family time?
We do get together as a family just not during holidays. In fact I'm going out 3 thousand miles to see my family this summer. Everyone is traveling out there.
Maybe your just not getting what this whole thread is about. Its not about you. Or how your coping with how important it is to be with YOUR family.
I'm talking about what people do to give on the outside. You have completely missed the point.
I don't want to be mean mj but can you just leave it alone? Maybe your having a bad day or whatever but please leave it alone.
Its really great you have a wonderful family and everything and that you love to spend it during the holidays and you think that giving is putting up with certain things with your family. But not all of us here have that privilege be it being too far away or a death in the family.
Not all families deal with things the way yours does. More power to you and your family. It doesn't make it right or wrong.
Your beliefs are different. You believe that its very important to be with your relatives. Thats great!!! But to judge that others should and that it is that time of year that everyone should be together is not right.
Is there some rule book that says we have to be with our relatives for thanksgiving? Where are the rules, I would love to see them.
Ok!! I will not try to be a nice person...ok? I will not!!
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vickles
I didn't say you need to leave MJ, I said stop screwing with me.
As I said your beliefs are great but not everyone can spend time with their relatives and not every one deals with the same thing the same way. It neither makes them right or wrong.
You have not walked in my shoes nor anyone else here.
As I said its great what you believe but its not like that for everyone. And if they don't do what you do there is absolutely nothing wrong with that.
It sounds like you have great stress levels. I applaud you and your resilience.
Ok!! I will not try to be a nice person...ok? I will not!!
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