I think the fact that so many people have seen so much deliverance and "more fruit" and peace in their lives after leaving TWI is testimony to the rotten destructive teachings and behavior in that group.
I'm shocked, Cindy! That link says 60% of marriages have domestic abuse?!? I really find that hard to believe. Are evil people really that prolific in the US? :(-->
Cindy, You said a relationship is healthy, if after spending time with that person, you feel good about who your are. That really hit home, becuase when I spend time with my husband, I physically hurt, am in severe bodily pain, even though he does not touch me. It's beyond feeling good, or bad, about "who I am". It becomes concrete in the physical.
Xena, I can't tell you how WELL I remember that feeling...and since I never knew when he would "blow", I also had to be ever aware of his every mood, eye flicker, and voice tone. Felt like living on a tight rope that keeps cutting into your feet and swaying in the wind.
When I first read that bill of rights at an abuse shelter, I thought "No, that doesnt' apply to me because if I were a better wife/mother/person/etc I'm sure he would be nicer to me"
How twisted is that? That *I* took responsibility for his sick behavior.
I once thought that the statistics were a little overblown, myself. During my first marriage, a situation happened involving one of my stepdaughters and abuse. The counselor we went to handed me a book called "One in FOUR." It said that one in EVERY four girls in this country is sexually abused....
I thought "Naw. They're making a good point, but I know a lot of girls, never heard about 25% of THEM being abused...."
Well. Now that I've had a little time to think and am more open to the topic, its kinda like when you buy a different car. All of a sudden there are a blue million of the car you just bought on the road that you didn't notice "yesterday."
They cars were always there we just weren't paying attention, until "it hit home." I've become a FIRM believer in the fact that those of us who are not involved need to reach out to; and be sensitive to the needs of those who are, in fact abused and therefore INJURED. Not weak, hurt; injured. This is not to say you're not sensitive JT, its just that we all need to be aware of how pervasive this problem is, pay attention to it & act accordingly.
In my own world I've found the statistics to be solid and even on the conservative side like Cindy said.
My personal statistics.
I have a Mom & two sisters. My mom was raped, & one of my sisters molested. = Two of three.
Marriage #1. Wife + three daughters (two step - 1 biological). Wife was emotionally abused & one of the daughters was molested. = 2 of four.
Marriage #2. Also wife + three daughters, one from marriage #1 and two new ones. Wife was physically abused & one of the new daughters was molested. also 2 of four.
From the major familial relationships in my own life, there were a total of 10 girls/women SIX of the 10 were abused, five of the six were abused by FAMILY members, only my Mom was abused by a stranger. I was (and still am on occasion) emotionally abused by BOTH wives; wife #2 threw in physical.
SO my own family life shows statistics in excess of 33% or 25%; my own statistics show 60 percent . Three different fathers, my "favorite" uncle and a young cousin are among the people who abuse the most close to me. Not ONE of them was exaggerated in any way.
The statistics, in reality are MUCH greater, because there is a significantnumber of these things that go unreported.
I don’t often login and rarely post but this thread brings up something I wonder about from time to time-
I’ve been married twice. The first one ended when I found out he had been cheating on me for 6 years with anyone he could get. IMO he broke the marriage when he broke the vows. Number 2 broke the marriage when after 8 years of verbal, emotional and physical abuse he finally broke my face, which got him 1 whole day in jail. (And yes, he used the “wives submit†reference freely and often.)
Even though I kept my vows, both marriages were a mistake as neither of them was the love of my life (at the time I stupidly believed it was better to be with the wrong one than to be alone) and both times the wedding was performed by mutual friends who were Notaries. So I wonder: were they truly “marriages†in God’s eyes?
-and don't EVEN get me started on the abuse aspect. I've been sheltered and counceled (sp?)and counceled some more and the best advice I can give to someone in that situation is GET OUT!
So I wonder: were they truly “marriages†in God’s eyes?
I wondered that about my marriages too.
After the first one was over, after much consideration, I figured that spouse never had any intent to BE "married." I felt she went through the motions just to get what she could from me. When I wouldn't play along she went to other guy(s).
I finally setteled on whatever we were, we were never "married" per God's POV.
My counselor told me "Nobody owes their whole life to somebody else". She does not do her counseling with any sort of Christian orientation, but her comment made me think about Jesus Christ. He gave up his life for all of us. I don't have to be Jesus Christ. But throughout my upbringing and then later my Way Ministry involvement, I got into this rut of believing that marriage should be for your whole life. How do you shift your thinking away from that old stuff? Divorce feels like something I don't have the guts to do. Afraid of my own conscience.
It's not really that you have to stop believing that marriage is a lifetime committment, I sure haven't. In fact, after my divorce, I was determined NOT to remarry. When Steve! first asked me, I told him no.
It was very hard for me to file for divorce...when I got back to my car after giving my lawyer all the paperwork, I just sat behind the wheel for a long while hurting because I'd just done something I never believed I would.
But there is so much more to it than that. Had I stayed in that marriage without him getting counseling, help, or whatever to stop the abuse, it would be like I was saying to him that it's okay to treat me the way he was.
That it is okay for me to be used and abused by someone who did not live up to the marriage vows he had made to me before God.
Is that the kind of life that God intends me to live? A life where I do not live up to my full potential because I cannot be myself, due to fear? That is no life at all.
Divorce is a very hard thing no matter how needed and right it is. It's hard, it hurts, and it breaks your heart. BUT....if I had it to do over again...I would.
Once you go through all that and come out on the other side, you learn things about yourself that you never knew, and if you continue with counseling and learn the tools and skills for avoiding toxic relationships, you will be able to build for yourself a life that SINGS.
The first time that I asked a girl to marry me, she spewed her drink out both her mouth and nose, she laughed and had a terrible time re-againing composure. I took that as a significant indication that we were not 'ready'. In fact I recently met her again at our 25th Highschool reunion. Seeing her now, made me glad that I had dropped her back then :-)
How do you shift your thinking away from that old stuff? Divorce feels like something I don't have the guts to do. Afraid of my own conscience.
Looking forward TO a divorce is much more scary than looking BACK on one.
That is what I discovered after my first divorce.
It still didn't make looking at the second divorce any easier.
I felt like such a personal failure. Here I was, so successful in every area of my life, but yet, THE most important realtionship in my life was flushed right down the crapper like sh@t.
I felt horrible. Like I had ruined my whole life, like I had let down everyone who would be surpirsed that I had gotten divorced. Even contemplated suicide because my life had been ruined.... or so I thought it was. Then the second time, I was like, "Didn't you LEARN anything??? There must be SOME thing, SOME way SOME how that I could have saved it. Here I was going down in flames again on this lifetime commitment thing.
My experience is that divorce, like climbing a mountain is always hard, no easy way about it. Not for the spouse that cares about the marriage, at least. You must climb, step by step, and keep climbing until the climb is finished.
I wish I could say it gets easier. It doesn't. I wish I could say there's a silver lining. There isn't. Being divorced, takes one set of problems and replaces them with another set of, hopefully more manageable problems.
I remember feeling horribly cheated the day I realized that you can divorce and end a marriage but you can't marry and end a divorce! Even if you remarry the same person, which is highly unlikely....
Its kinda ironic that divorce is more of a "lifetime commitment" than marriage.
On the bright side. I'm far enough down the road from the pain of the first divorce that "all I remember," so to speak of the first spouse is the stuff I once liked aobut her.
This goes to say that, "this too, will pass." Xena, a lot of divorce is just moving through it. Once you've decided to do it, ain't nothing to it but to do it.
Lots of folks soften the blow with rebound relationships. Many find after the divorce, like sharon did, that they can re establish some of the good and be friends with the Ex.
For me the excitement of re-claiming MY life pulled me through. You are the light at the end of your OWN tunnell. That's exciting.
Some of what I learned of myself post divorce is that I am ABSOLUTELY a good guy. If someone doesn't want me, as I AM, it is THEIR loss. Currently, rather than being "an accident ready to happen" I'm "a great relationship on the horizon." Armed with that knowledge, I don't see myself as "alone" I see myself as available but higly selective. I see myself as one who is valued by God. I refuse to be with anyone who is not FIRST willing to value me as God does.
I don't want anyone that I'm not excited to value as God values them. Currently I haven't really looked, as I'm happy with where I am in the "reclaiming process." Sometimes its a reinvention process. Sometimes its a new creation process where I decide, "I've never been thus and so, but NOW I want to... That's exciting too.
In short take some time to find enough things to make yourself such a bright light at the end of the tunnel that YOU light the way for yourself as you travel through it.
The divorce tunnel doesn't come with lights. YOU're the light.
hehehe....well Galen, you obviously see that the statistics do not say that if abuse happens once in the marriage that it is an abusive marriage. I'm glad you read that right and can chuckle about it. Kind of eases the tension..wtg!
And yes, when I told Steve! no, we both agreed that when and if I was ever ok with the idea of marriage, we would discuss it again. He put no pressure on me...at all.
When I did come around (after we'd been living together for a while and I saw that he really is the wonderful man I thought he was) we discussed it again and came up with a specific plan for when one or both of us would have 'baggage' pop up.
So when he next proposed, with the ring, flowers, on one knee, in front of the kids....I, of course, said "YES!!!!" And with our one year wedding anniversary coming up....it may well be the best answer I've EVER given.
Well, I haven't been on both sides because I was the one who filed, they are both hard because it's a seriously hard thing to go through.
It's difficult to say...on the one hand, filing is harder because you have to get all the paperwork and info together at a time when you are very, very upset. Then you have to go give it to your lawyer and sign papers, etc.
On the other hand, if you are served and you are not expecting to be, it could be very difficult. If you ARE expecting it...it is still very difficult, but at least you did not have to go through all the paperwork storm.
In my opinion, it's probably harder to do the filing than to be served.
Like Cindy! said, you have to get everything together for the lawyer, you have to sign papers, etc. And before you do that, you have to work up the courage, and make one of the hardest decisions a person has to make. Yes, even in a miserable marriage, it's often one of the hardest decisions of your life.
If you get served, you might receive a huge shock, you might be in a state of disbelief about it for a time, but more often than not it's expected.
come on folks don't say it is harder to file to recieve if you you don't want to get out a marrage!what if he/she was having an affair and found the other person to have more$
In fact I recently met her again at our 25th Highschool reunion. Seeing her now, made me glad that I had dropped her back then :-)
Galen you are one cold dude man! LOL!!!
I understand, I divorced 10 years ago, dated a bunch, occasionally will cross paths with one of them...... nuff said. Glad I made the choice I did when I married this one.
come on folks don't say it is harder to file to recieve if you you don't want to get out a marrage!what if he/she was having an affair and found the other person to have more$
cc1248, did you happen to notice where I said "in my opinion"?
And of course my explanation can not begin to take into account every possible combination of situations.
"This may sound really stupid, but do you think it's harder to file for the divorce or to have the papers served to you?"
I have no idea, I have never done either.
I have however ministered to numerous guys who had just recieved notification [have never seen anyone 'served'. Just a big stack of letters usually, one 'dear john', followed by a couple things from a court, ending with the 'settlement' and how much the guy now owes]
From what I have observed it always looked terribly hard on the guys to get divorced.
I never saw anything that would have indicated that the guy had expected it. Usually it just came from 'out of the blue'. We go to sea one month and all marriages were happy, then we surface four months later and a handfull of the wives will have divorced. Happened every patrol. No reason to it. It is just what some wives do [edited at the request of a wonderful young lady]. [though from our POV, it certainly had appeared that it has been the over-whelming majority of wives. Admittedly our exposure to couples has been mostly among servicemembers].
"" ... In fact I recently met her again at our 25th Highschool reunion. Seeing her now, made me glad that I had dropped her back then :-)" "
"Galen you are one cold dude man! LOL!!!"
I'M COLD!!!
I PROPOSED TO HER, SHE LAUGHED. SHE CHOKED AND SPEWED SHE LAUGHED SO HARD.
Yeah I'm cold.
She is wrinkled, white haired and looks like she was rode hard and put away wet many times.
yeah I'm cold.
"I understand, I divorced 10 years ago, dated a bunch, occasionally will cross paths with one of them...... nuff said. Glad I made the choice I did when I married this one."
I am to.
I finally met an orphan. She was used to doing things on her own, and did not need anyone else around for support. She was totally convinced that she did not 'need' a husband, except for perhaps social acceptance. She ran her own businesses and was very independent. It was worked out well for my household. I can safely trust in her. I can go away and travel for months at a time, and upon my return I will find everything prospering. Bonnie is very smart, and independent. I am totally amazed at her ability to allow me to be the head of our household. :-)
Do you think divorce is ever "God's will"? Not the general practice of divorce, but maybe in individual cases? In the story of Abigail, she is married to a major bad person, yet she continues to be the good wife, until he dies. It seems like God would have / could have told Abigail to get out of that situation, if it had been His "will". I have heard other women refer to Abigail as the perfect wife, but I don't want to be like her.
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I think the fact that so many people have seen so much deliverance and "more fruit" and peace in their lives after leaving TWI is testimony to the rotten destructive teachings and behavior in that group.
I'm shocked, Cindy! That link says 60% of marriages have domestic abuse?!? I really find that hard to believe. Are evil people really that prolific in the US?
:(-->
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Cindy!
Statistics show that abuse happens at least once in 50-60% of marriages.
The bottom line is: NOONE has the right to hurt you or make you feel bad about yourself. NOONE
NOONE has the right to withhold affection if you don't do something...no matter what it is....the way they want it done.
NOONE has the right to do or say anything that makes you feel bad about you.
You can tell if you are in a healthy relationship if, after spending time with that person, you walk away feeling GOOD about who you are.
Domestic Violence Survivor- BILL OF RIGHTS
· You have the right to be you.
· You have the right to put yourself first.
· You have the right to be safe.
· You have the right to love and be loved.
· You have the right to be treated with respect.
· You have the right to be human - NOT PERFECT.
· You have the right to be angry and protest if you are treated unfairly or abusively by anyone.
· You have the right to your own privacy.
· You have the right to your own opinions, to express them, and to be taken seriously.
· You have the right to earn and control your own money.
· You have the right to ask questions about anything that affects your life.
· You have the right to make decisions that affect you.
· You have the right to grow and change (and that includes changing your mind).
· You have the right to say NO.
· You have the right to make mistakes.
· You have the right NOT to be responsible for other adults’ problems.
· You have the right not to be liked by everyone.
· YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO CONTROL YOUR OWN LIFE AND TO CHANGE IT IF YOU ARE NOT HAPPY WITH IT AS IT IS.
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Xena
Cindy, You said a relationship is healthy, if after spending time with that person, you feel good about who your are. That really hit home, becuase when I spend time with my husband, I physically hurt, am in severe bodily pain, even though he does not touch me. It's beyond feeling good, or bad, about "who I am". It becomes concrete in the physical.
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Cindy!
Xena, I can't tell you how WELL I remember that feeling...and since I never knew when he would "blow", I also had to be ever aware of his every mood, eye flicker, and voice tone. Felt like living on a tight rope that keeps cutting into your feet and swaying in the wind.
When I first read that bill of rights at an abuse shelter, I thought "No, that doesnt' apply to me because if I were a better wife/mother/person/etc I'm sure he would be nicer to me"
How twisted is that? That *I* took responsibility for his sick behavior.
ewww
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HCW
Hey JT.
I once thought that the statistics were a little overblown, myself. During my first marriage, a situation happened involving one of my stepdaughters and abuse. The counselor we went to handed me a book called "One in FOUR." It said that one in EVERY four girls in this country is sexually abused....
I thought "Naw. They're making a good point, but I know a lot of girls, never heard about 25% of THEM being abused...."
Well. Now that I've had a little time to think and am more open to the topic, its kinda like when you buy a different car. All of a sudden there are a blue million of the car you just bought on the road that you didn't notice "yesterday."
They cars were always there we just weren't paying attention, until "it hit home." I've become a FIRM believer in the fact that those of us who are not involved need to reach out to; and be sensitive to the needs of those who are, in fact abused and therefore INJURED. Not weak, hurt; injured. This is not to say you're not sensitive JT, its just that we all need to be aware of how pervasive this problem is, pay attention to it & act accordingly.
In my own world I've found the statistics to be solid and even on the conservative side like Cindy said.
My personal statistics.
I have a Mom & two sisters. My mom was raped, & one of my sisters molested. = Two of three.
Marriage #1. Wife + three daughters (two step - 1 biological). Wife was emotionally abused & one of the daughters was molested. = 2 of four.
Marriage #2. Also wife + three daughters, one from marriage #1 and two new ones. Wife was physically abused & one of the new daughters was molested. also 2 of four.
From the major familial relationships in my own life, there were a total of 10 girls/women SIX of the 10 were abused, five of the six were abused by FAMILY members, only my Mom was abused by a stranger. I was (and still am on occasion) emotionally abused by BOTH wives; wife #2 threw in physical.
SO my own family life shows statistics in excess of 33% or 25%; my own statistics show 60 percent . Three different fathers, my "favorite" uncle and a young cousin are among the people who abuse the most close to me. Not ONE of them was exaggerated in any way.
The statistics, in reality are MUCH greater, because there is a significantnumber of these things that go unreported.
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Porphyra Selenafeggos
I don’t often login and rarely post but this thread brings up something I wonder about from time to time-
I’ve been married twice. The first one ended when I found out he had been cheating on me for 6 years with anyone he could get. IMO he broke the marriage when he broke the vows. Number 2 broke the marriage when after 8 years of verbal, emotional and physical abuse he finally broke my face, which got him 1 whole day in jail. (And yes, he used the “wives submit†reference freely and often.)
Even though I kept my vows, both marriages were a mistake as neither of them was the love of my life (at the time I stupidly believed it was better to be with the wrong one than to be alone) and both times the wedding was performed by mutual friends who were Notaries. So I wonder: were they truly “marriages†in God’s eyes?
-and don't EVEN get me started on the abuse aspect. I've been sheltered and counceled (sp?)and counceled some more and the best advice I can give to someone in that situation is GET OUT!
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HCW
I wondered that about my marriages too.
After the first one was over, after much consideration, I figured that spouse never had any intent to BE "married." I felt she went through the motions just to get what she could from me. When I wouldn't play along she went to other guy(s).
I finally setteled on whatever we were, we were never "married" per God's POV.
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Xena
My counselor told me "Nobody owes their whole life to somebody else". She does not do her counseling with any sort of Christian orientation, but her comment made me think about Jesus Christ. He gave up his life for all of us. I don't have to be Jesus Christ. But throughout my upbringing and then later my Way Ministry involvement, I got into this rut of believing that marriage should be for your whole life. How do you shift your thinking away from that old stuff? Divorce feels like something I don't have the guts to do. Afraid of my own conscience.
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Cindy!
It's not really that you have to stop believing that marriage is a lifetime committment, I sure haven't. In fact, after my divorce, I was determined NOT to remarry. When Steve! first asked me, I told him no.
It was very hard for me to file for divorce...when I got back to my car after giving my lawyer all the paperwork, I just sat behind the wheel for a long while hurting because I'd just done something I never believed I would.
But there is so much more to it than that. Had I stayed in that marriage without him getting counseling, help, or whatever to stop the abuse, it would be like I was saying to him that it's okay to treat me the way he was.
That it is okay for me to be used and abused by someone who did not live up to the marriage vows he had made to me before God.
Is that the kind of life that God intends me to live? A life where I do not live up to my full potential because I cannot be myself, due to fear? That is no life at all.
Divorce is a very hard thing no matter how needed and right it is. It's hard, it hurts, and it breaks your heart. BUT....if I had it to do over again...I would.
Once you go through all that and come out on the other side, you learn things about yourself that you never knew, and if you continue with counseling and learn the tools and skills for avoiding toxic relationships, you will be able to build for yourself a life that SINGS.
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Galen
Cindy!:
"When Steve! first asked me, I told him no."
I hope you said it nicely.
The first time that I asked a girl to marry me, she spewed her drink out both her mouth and nose, she laughed and had a terrible time re-againing composure. I took that as a significant indication that we were not 'ready'. In fact I recently met her again at our 25th Highschool reunion. Seeing her now, made me glad that I had dropped her back then :-)
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HCW
Looking forward TO a divorce is much more scary than looking BACK on one.
That is what I discovered after my first divorce.
It still didn't make looking at the second divorce any easier.
I felt like such a personal failure. Here I was, so successful in every area of my life, but yet, THE most important realtionship in my life was flushed right down the crapper like sh@t.
I felt horrible. Like I had ruined my whole life, like I had let down everyone who would be surpirsed that I had gotten divorced. Even contemplated suicide because my life had been ruined.... or so I thought it was. Then the second time, I was like, "Didn't you LEARN anything??? There must be SOME thing, SOME way SOME how that I could have saved it. Here I was going down in flames again on this lifetime commitment thing.
My experience is that divorce, like climbing a mountain is always hard, no easy way about it. Not for the spouse that cares about the marriage, at least. You must climb, step by step, and keep climbing until the climb is finished.
I wish I could say it gets easier. It doesn't. I wish I could say there's a silver lining. There isn't. Being divorced, takes one set of problems and replaces them with another set of, hopefully more manageable problems.
I remember feeling horribly cheated the day I realized that you can divorce and end a marriage but you can't marry and end a divorce! Even if you remarry the same person, which is highly unlikely....
Its kinda ironic that divorce is more of a "lifetime commitment" than marriage.
On the bright side. I'm far enough down the road from the pain of the first divorce that "all I remember," so to speak of the first spouse is the stuff I once liked aobut her.
This goes to say that, "this too, will pass." Xena, a lot of divorce is just moving through it. Once you've decided to do it, ain't nothing to it but to do it.
Lots of folks soften the blow with rebound relationships. Many find after the divorce, like sharon did, that they can re establish some of the good and be friends with the Ex.
For me the excitement of re-claiming MY life pulled me through. You are the light at the end of your OWN tunnell. That's exciting.
Some of what I learned of myself post divorce is that I am ABSOLUTELY a good guy. If someone doesn't want me, as I AM, it is THEIR loss. Currently, rather than being "an accident ready to happen" I'm "a great relationship on the horizon." Armed with that knowledge, I don't see myself as "alone" I see myself as available but higly selective. I see myself as one who is valued by God. I refuse to be with anyone who is not FIRST willing to value me as God does.
I don't want anyone that I'm not excited to value as God values them. Currently I haven't really looked, as I'm happy with where I am in the "reclaiming process." Sometimes its a reinvention process. Sometimes its a new creation process where I decide, "I've never been thus and so, but NOW I want to... That's exciting too.
In short take some time to find enough things to make yourself such a bright light at the end of the tunnel that YOU light the way for yourself as you travel through it.
The divorce tunnel doesn't come with lights. YOU're the light.
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Galen
Okay,
So if we can all agree that:
30% of ALL females are abused everyday, and
60% of ALL females are in abusive relationships, and
95% of ALL females have experienced abuse, and
25% of ALL males are abused everyday, and
55% of ALL males are in abusive relationships, and
75% of ALL males have experienced abuse in a relationship.
Will it finally make everyone happy if we just say that in everyone's life, someone somewhere will someday 'abuse' you?
Once in 1983, I got mad and I yelled at Bonnie once, so yes she is in an abusive relationship. I have never physically hurt her, and we dont argue.
:-)
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Cindy!
hehehe....well Galen, you obviously see that the statistics do not say that if abuse happens once in the marriage that it is an abusive marriage. I'm glad you read that right and can chuckle about it. Kind of eases the tension..wtg!
And yes, when I told Steve! no, we both agreed that when and if I was ever ok with the idea of marriage, we would discuss it again. He put no pressure on me...at all.
When I did come around (after we'd been living together for a while and I saw that he really is the wonderful man I thought he was) we discussed it again and came up with a specific plan for when one or both of us would have 'baggage' pop up.
So when he next proposed, with the ring, flowers, on one knee, in front of the kids....I, of course, said "YES!!!!" And with our one year wedding anniversary coming up....it may well be the best answer I've EVER given.
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Xena
This may sound really stupid, but do you think it's harder to file for the divorce or to have the papers served to you?
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Cindy!
Well, I haven't been on both sides because I was the one who filed, they are both hard because it's a seriously hard thing to go through.
It's difficult to say...on the one hand, filing is harder because you have to get all the paperwork and info together at a time when you are very, very upset. Then you have to go give it to your lawyer and sign papers, etc.
On the other hand, if you are served and you are not expecting to be, it could be very difficult. If you ARE expecting it...it is still very difficult, but at least you did not have to go through all the paperwork storm.
So to answer your question, Xena...I'm not sure.
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Steve!
In my opinion, it's probably harder to do the filing than to be served.
Like Cindy! said, you have to get everything together for the lawyer, you have to sign papers, etc. And before you do that, you have to work up the courage, and make one of the hardest decisions a person has to make. Yes, even in a miserable marriage, it's often one of the hardest decisions of your life.
If you get served, you might receive a huge shock, you might be in a state of disbelief about it for a time, but more often than not it's expected.
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coolchef1248 @adelphia.net
come on folks don't say it is harder to file to recieve if you you don't want to get out a marrage!what if he/she was having an affair and found the other person to have more$
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Al Poole
Galen you are one cold dude man! LOL!!!
I understand, I divorced 10 years ago, dated a bunch, occasionally will cross paths with one of them...... nuff said. Glad I made the choice I did when I married this one.
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Steve!
cc1248, did you happen to notice where I said "in my opinion"?
And of course my explanation can not begin to take into account every possible combination of situations.
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Galen
Xena:
"This may sound really stupid, but do you think it's harder to file for the divorce or to have the papers served to you?"
I have no idea, I have never done either.
I have however ministered to numerous guys who had just recieved notification [have never seen anyone 'served'. Just a big stack of letters usually, one 'dear john', followed by a couple things from a court, ending with the 'settlement' and how much the guy now owes]
From what I have observed it always looked terribly hard on the guys to get divorced.
I never saw anything that would have indicated that the guy had expected it. Usually it just came from 'out of the blue'. We go to sea one month and all marriages were happy, then we surface four months later and a handfull of the wives will have divorced. Happened every patrol. No reason to it. It is just what some wives do [edited at the request of a wonderful young lady]. [though from our POV, it certainly had appeared that it has been the over-whelming majority of wives. Admittedly our exposure to couples has been mostly among servicemembers].
:-)
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Cindy!
Galen...
Please amend that to "it's what SOME wives do"
Thanks!
A Wife
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Galen
Al Poole:
"" ... In fact I recently met her again at our 25th Highschool reunion. Seeing her now, made me glad that I had dropped her back then :-)" "
"Galen you are one cold dude man! LOL!!!"
I'M COLD!!!
I PROPOSED TO HER, SHE LAUGHED. SHE CHOKED AND SPEWED SHE LAUGHED SO HARD.
Yeah I'm cold.
She is wrinkled, white haired and looks like she was rode hard and put away wet many times.
yeah I'm cold.
"I understand, I divorced 10 years ago, dated a bunch, occasionally will cross paths with one of them...... nuff said. Glad I made the choice I did when I married this one."
I am to.
I finally met an orphan. She was used to doing things on her own, and did not need anyone else around for support. She was totally convinced that she did not 'need' a husband, except for perhaps social acceptance. She ran her own businesses and was very independent. It was worked out well for my household. I can safely trust in her. I can go away and travel for months at a time, and upon my return I will find everything prospering. Bonnie is very smart, and independent. I am totally amazed at her ability to allow me to be the head of our household. :-)
Cindy!
Aye, Aye, maam.
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Belle
Back to the top!
by request
:D-->
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Xena
Thanks for bringing this topic back, Belle.
Do you think divorce is ever "God's will"? Not the general practice of divorce, but maybe in individual cases? In the story of Abigail, she is married to a major bad person, yet she continues to be the good wife, until he dies. It seems like God would have / could have told Abigail to get out of that situation, if it had been His "will". I have heard other women refer to Abigail as the perfect wife, but I don't want to be like her.
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