Here's your sign...or DUHHHHH!!!!!

[Cindy!]

"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff," -- Mariah Carey

"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of

your life," -- Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson for a federal antismoking campaign.

"I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my

body,"-- Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward.

"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime

rates in the country," -- Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC.

"We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees," -- Jason

Kidd, upon his drafting to the Dallas Mavericks.

"I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers.

We are the president!," -- Hillary Clinton commenting on the release of subpoenaed documents.

"Half this game is ninety percent mental." -- Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark

"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it." -- Al Gore, Vice

President

"We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?" -- Lee Iacocca

"The word 'genius" isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein," -- Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback &

sports analyst.

"We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people. -- Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instructor.

"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure." -- Bill Clinton, President

"We are ready for an unforeseen event that may or may not occur." -- Al Gore, VP

"Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come from overseas." -- Keppel Enderbery

"The loss of life will be irreplaceable." -- Dan Quayle

"I was recently on a tour of Latin America, and the only regret I

have is that I didn't study my Latin harder in school so I could

converse with those people." -- Dan Quayle, VP

"Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances." -- Department of Social Services, Greenville, South Carolina

"We apologize for the error in last week's paper in which we

stated that Mr. Arnold Dogbody was a defective in the police force. We meant, of course, that Mr. Dogbody is a detective in the police farce." -- Correction Notice in the Ely Standard, a British newspaper

"If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the

night. And the next morning, when they wake up dead, there'll be a record." -- Mark S.

[Cindy!]

and some more....(a lot of these are repeats from what we've seen before)

It's like before my wife and I moved. ..

Our house was full of boxes and there was a moving truck in our driveway. My neighbour comes over and says "Hey, you moving?" "Nope. We just pack our stuff up once or twice a week to see how many boxes it takes. Here's your sign."

A couple of months ago I went fishing with a mate of mine, we pulled his boat into the ramp, I lifted up this big fish and this idiot on the ramp goes, "Hey, you catch all them fish?" "Nope. Talked 'em into giving up. Here's your sign."

I was watching one of those animal shows on the Discovery Channel. There was a guy inventing a shark bite suit. And there's only one way to test it. "Alright Jimmy, you got that shark suit on, it looks good... They want you to jump into this pool of sharks, and you tell us if it hurts when they bite you." "Well, all right, but hold my sign. I don't wanna lose it".

Last time I had a flat tire I pulled my car into a service station. The attendant walks out, looks at my car, looks at me, and I SWEAR he said, "Tire go flat?" I couldn't resist. I said, "Nope. I was driving around and those other three just swelled up on me. Here's your sign."

We were trying to sell our car ...

A guy came over to the house and drove the car around for about 45 minutes. We get back to the house, he gets out of the car, reaches down and grabs the exhaust pipe, then says, "****, that's hot!" See? If he'd been wearing his sign, I could have stopped him.

I learned to drive an 18 wheeler years ago...

Wouldn't you know I misjudged the height of a bridge. The truck got stuck and I couldn't get it out no matter how I tried. I sure needed a sign for this cock up. I radioed in for help and eventually a local cop shows up to take the report. He went through his basic questioning. OK no problem. I thought for sure he was clear of needing a sign until he asked, "So, is your truck stuck?" I couldn't help myself! I looked at him, looked back at the rig and then back to him and said "no I'm delivering' a bridge... here's your sign."

I stayed late at work one night and a co-worker looked at me and said "Are you still here?" I replied, "No. I left about 10 minutes ago. "Here's your sign."

I was at the a & e with my broken ankle ... swollen majorly and bruised something chronic ... The nurse comes in and says "oh, that must hurt" Voila ... someone give her a diploma AND a sign.

I was watching one of those animal shows on the Discovery Channel. There was a guy inventing a shark bite suit. And there's only one way to test it.

"Alright Tiad, you got that shark suit on, it looks good... They want you to jump into this pool of sharks, and you tell us if it hurts when they bite you." "Well, all right, but hold my sign. I don't wanna lose it."

Took my dog for a walk today, was heading down the drive with Ted E Dog on the lead when my neighbour comes up to the fence. "Taking ya dog for a walk I see?" says my neighbour. "No I thought I would put him in a wheelbarrow and go surfing down the street ... now heres your sign."

[simonzelotes]

'No,I'm delivering a bridge'....Too funny...

[laleo]

Thanks for the laugh, chinson. Those were very entertaining quotes. I don't think I've heard them before.

[Kit Sober]

And on the side of compassion, there's the understanding that some people are trying to make pleasant conversation.

the obvious is non-invasive.

A neighbor that moved out because of some personal bad stuff with her child and a neighbor's child. . . and I love her kid . . . but hadn't been able to be helpful in the situation, and the house had been dark for a few weeks, but last nite they were there. . .

and it was obvious they were just getting the last of their stuff. . . and all I could say at first was, "are you moving?"

(The truck was packed, they hadn't been there in weeks, one kid was picking up a scattered toy. . .)

But at least I could say something instead of just driving by. . . and the conversation was able to work around to where I wished her the best and told her I was praying for them.

Thankful for the obvious,

:)-->," God