Kewl, I have been totally amazed at what some women do.
Soon after we were married, Bonnie (entirely on her own) hosted a ‘ladies event’ and they did a weekend long study of Proverbs 31. From the things she showed me later, I was certainly taken aback by how ‘complete’ and independent such a woman would be.
From that time, it has really stupefied me that so many men want to limit and contain what facets their wives express.
Bonnie can only do all these things, if I ‘allow’ her. (Okay fine that is a bad phrase, forgive me. BUT you know what I mean.) Plenty of marriages out there do not allow the wife to own her own property, or to hire her own employees, to operate her own business. The sheer number of times that I have listened as people talked about how a particular women did provide the food for her family, by taking her husband’s money and going shopping. I don’t see that within Proverbs 31 at all. And neither does Bonnie.
“. . . The only problem is that they have usually forgotten to mention the other main character--the Good Husband!”
I would not agree that the main character is the husband when he is mentioned so rarely; however I think that this is a lesson to husbands. That women need to be allowed to do all these things, should they desire.
Obviously a woman would not do nearly as well in any of these endeavors if she is not encouraged and supported and praised.
“Cherishing”
“First, the Good Husband recognizes the true value of his wife as a person (31:10). “
“He sees her as God's priceless, one of a kind masterpiece. He knows she's "worth far more than rubies." “
Absolutely! ! !
“Supporting”
“The Good Husband believes in the potential of his wife (31:11).”
“He doesn't put her in a box called "home" only to let her lie there dormant. Instead, he allows her to be productive and fulfilled both in and out of the home.”
“The Good Husband is mature enough to encourage and support his wife to reach her full potential. He believes in her and provides an atmosphere in which she is free to succeed. He doesn't let his ego get in her way.”
Here, Bonnie and I have always thought that this was the meaning of: “Faithfulness”
Being full of faith in the abilities of each other.
“Frankly, the Good Husband of Proverbs 31 amazes me. How many husbands are willing to let their wives make real estate investments and start business ventures on their own (31:16)? How many husbands are willing to let their wives make contributions to charitable organizations as they see fit (31:20)?”
Bonnie carries my ‘full general power of attorney’ and from time to time, we have had ‘special’ ones drawn up so she could purchase housing in my name (thus more fully able to access our shared credit rating and income history).
“Traditionally, the husband has been viewed in our society as solely responsible for the family income and budget. The wife has been left out of these matters. But the Good Husband challenges these cultural myths.”
I have ‘preached’ these concepts many times to the men I have ministered to. Men being the ‘bread winner’ and ‘bringing home the bacon’ are strong ideals in our culture.
They place sole responsibility for the financial well being of a home, onto the husband. Which I have come to believe is primary source of why men die earlier than women in our culture. The stereo-type (yes stereo-types are bad, but they exist for a reason, being that they define large portions of data-points) places all of the pressure of earning income and providing for the family onto one person, which I believe adds to the causes which lead men to statistically die younger than women.
“The biblical concept of submission has in it the idea of assuming a supportive role. Both men and women are called to "Submit to one another" (Ephesians 5:21).”
“The Good Husband actively supports his wife as she seeks to reach her full potential as a person.”
Rather:
Each spouse actively supports the other as they seek to reach their full potential supporting the goals of the family.
“Listening”
“The Good Husband realizes the importance of listening to (and learning from) the wisdom of his wife (31:26). He is spared from many rash and foolish actions by respecting the "faithful instruction...on her tongue."
“The Good Husband strengthens his marriage by taking the time to listen to his wife. He respects her opinions and heeds her advice.”
“No, I haven't relinquished my responsibility as the spiritual leader in our home . . .”
Now why is it that within our society it is assumed that to listen and be supporting, a man must relinquish being head-of-household?
“Praising”
“Finally, the Good Husband praises the virtues and accomplishments of his wife (31:29). He doesn’t flatter her, but praises his wife for her fear of God (31:30) and her successful endeavors (31:31).”
I know that I have posted here before what I have learned about being a ‘husband’. Remember you can only be a ‘husband’ of: (a) wife (wives), bees, or grape vineyards. Each have some things to show us about being a ‘husband’. And is partly why I husband honeybees to this day.
I have seen in our society, men heavily burden themselves with the weight of being the "bread winner" and provider, the protector and "Bringing home the bacon". They have medical problems and die young.
My wife and I, saw from the 'Virtuous Woman' that she can run her own businesses, her own lands, her own employees, and harvest food for her family. She can be a ‘bread winner’ and provide for her family. She has taken on more of those responsibilities, with her income.
I then realized that I am not really supposed to be the sole 'bread-winner’; now we have shared things much more.
My father is furious, because he thinks a man should never let his wife earn an income, let alone use that income for living expenses.
I was once told (I truly do not remember who told me this), that 'husband' is only used when describing men in particular circumstances:
1-there is a husband or head of a wife,
2-there is a husband of a comb of bees,
3-a grape vineyard is maintained by a husbandman.
We studied all three topics through out the Bible, to see what further teaching they held for being a better husband. But for me that was still not enough.
While in prayer about my desire to know more, so in '85-'87, I took some college courses on horticulture, and learned to graft, prune and train grapevines. They need to be frequently watered, yet kept well drained. Vines must be twisted and trained to grow in the direction that provides them with the most sunlight and to ease harvest. Any errant branches need to be trimmed early on (before so much growth goes into them, that it hurts the vine when they are cut-off). When a branch starts in a direction you like, you adjust it and train it onto supports, so the vine will put extra growth into that branch that gets the extra attention. Weeds must be removed quickly as the vines should not compete for nourishment. In this way, each vine will work it's hardest to produce the sweetest juiciest fruit. My career moved us to a new area and in looking for a home; we found a home with a 20-acre vineyard. So while we lived there I made husbanding that vineyard, my hobby.
Two moves later (we were in Connecticut) in '90-'93, I got to reading about bees and I bought a beehive, and learned to keep bees. I husbanded that hive for three years, as my hobby. I learned that bees need to be located in a sheltered location, They need a safe solid home, protected from wind and weather, with easy access for them, but limited access for anyone else. They need water close at hand, clean running water. Their placement needs to be done with consideration of where they are expected to work, and how they can get to their work. They need a clear path to their food. If placed within a grove of trees, they will never leave that grove. If placed in a location that is out of the wind where they can climb up high above the trees, then they will travel a radius of 20 miles to find food and bring it all home again. If I focus my attention and am gentle with them, maybe using something to provide a little distraction, when I go inside their hive; they will spare their wrath and will willingly give me all of their sugary honey. They will defend their home and only allow a loving husband near them. They will work hard and produce much honey and wax.
I think that I have learned that my wife needs to be safe and protected; encouraged in her activities, and provided with any implements she needs to be able to work safely. Whatever she is good at, I need to point her in that direction and ensure she has full access to anything she needs. Anybody that distracts or bothers her needs to be addressed quickly. She should only be handled gently, and with my full attention.
I remember a teaching years ago about Proverbs. The teacher pointed out that Chapter 31 is there for the young man to know how to choose a wife. When asked if there were similar instruction for women on choosing a husband, he replied, "That would be Chapters 1-30." Here's a hint, ladies: wise man GOOD, foolish man BAD. ;)-->
In your (not only typically twi but also generally considered) teaching that Prov 31 was for the women to "get it together in a godly fashion," was there any mention of the (to me especially noteworthy point) that
<i>Was Proverbs 31 ever intended to be an idealistic standard for women to attain by themselves? Not at all. Instead, this passage of Scripture, like the rest of Proverbs, was written originally as a challenge to men.
It's all too easy for guys to read Proverbs 31:10-31 rather flippantly--"Wow, if only I had a wife like this!"--without stopping to notice what these verses say about this woman/s rather remarkable husband.</i>
I had never heard this before. And had only heard the drill, "women get it together and this is what you need to do...." not only at twi "advances" but also other Christian "retreats."
My first husband would make a wonderful "What it is NOT" model....
My hubby now could teach Proverbs 31 a thing or two.
As a person/wife/mother/woman/professional I know I can go as fast and as far as I like, Steve! believes in me even more than I believe in myself. I am loved, honored, cherished, and safe and protected.
I find myself often saying to myself..."Oh...so THIS is why people get married. I get it NOW!!!!"
Recommended Posts
Galen
Kit Sober-
Kewl, I have been totally amazed at what some women do.
Soon after we were married, Bonnie (entirely on her own) hosted a ‘ladies event’ and they did a weekend long study of Proverbs 31. From the things she showed me later, I was certainly taken aback by how ‘complete’ and independent such a woman would be.
From that time, it has really stupefied me that so many men want to limit and contain what facets their wives express.
Bonnie can only do all these things, if I ‘allow’ her. (Okay fine that is a bad phrase, forgive me. BUT you know what I mean.) Plenty of marriages out there do not allow the wife to own her own property, or to hire her own employees, to operate her own business. The sheer number of times that I have listened as people talked about how a particular women did provide the food for her family, by taking her husband’s money and going shopping. I don’t see that within Proverbs 31 at all. And neither does Bonnie.
“. . . The only problem is that they have usually forgotten to mention the other main character--the Good Husband!”
I would not agree that the main character is the husband when he is mentioned so rarely; however I think that this is a lesson to husbands. That women need to be allowed to do all these things, should they desire.
Obviously a woman would not do nearly as well in any of these endeavors if she is not encouraged and supported and praised.
“Cherishing”
“First, the Good Husband recognizes the true value of his wife as a person (31:10). “
“He sees her as God's priceless, one of a kind masterpiece. He knows she's "worth far more than rubies." “
Absolutely! ! !
“Supporting”
“The Good Husband believes in the potential of his wife (31:11).”
“He doesn't put her in a box called "home" only to let her lie there dormant. Instead, he allows her to be productive and fulfilled both in and out of the home.”
“The Good Husband is mature enough to encourage and support his wife to reach her full potential. He believes in her and provides an atmosphere in which she is free to succeed. He doesn't let his ego get in her way.”
Here, Bonnie and I have always thought that this was the meaning of: “Faithfulness”
Being full of faith in the abilities of each other.
“Frankly, the Good Husband of Proverbs 31 amazes me. How many husbands are willing to let their wives make real estate investments and start business ventures on their own (31:16)? How many husbands are willing to let their wives make contributions to charitable organizations as they see fit (31:20)?”
Bonnie carries my ‘full general power of attorney’ and from time to time, we have had ‘special’ ones drawn up so she could purchase housing in my name (thus more fully able to access our shared credit rating and income history).
“Traditionally, the husband has been viewed in our society as solely responsible for the family income and budget. The wife has been left out of these matters. But the Good Husband challenges these cultural myths.”
I have ‘preached’ these concepts many times to the men I have ministered to. Men being the ‘bread winner’ and ‘bringing home the bacon’ are strong ideals in our culture.
They place sole responsibility for the financial well being of a home, onto the husband. Which I have come to believe is primary source of why men die earlier than women in our culture. The stereo-type (yes stereo-types are bad, but they exist for a reason, being that they define large portions of data-points) places all of the pressure of earning income and providing for the family onto one person, which I believe adds to the causes which lead men to statistically die younger than women.
“The biblical concept of submission has in it the idea of assuming a supportive role. Both men and women are called to "Submit to one another" (Ephesians 5:21).”
“The Good Husband actively supports his wife as she seeks to reach her full potential as a person.”
Rather:
Each spouse actively supports the other as they seek to reach their full potential supporting the goals of the family.
“Listening”
“The Good Husband realizes the importance of listening to (and learning from) the wisdom of his wife (31:26). He is spared from many rash and foolish actions by respecting the "faithful instruction...on her tongue."
“The Good Husband strengthens his marriage by taking the time to listen to his wife. He respects her opinions and heeds her advice.”
“No, I haven't relinquished my responsibility as the spiritual leader in our home . . .”
Now why is it that within our society it is assumed that to listen and be supporting, a man must relinquish being head-of-household?
“Praising”
“Finally, the Good Husband praises the virtues and accomplishments of his wife (31:29). He doesn’t flatter her, but praises his wife for her fear of God (31:30) and her successful endeavors (31:31).”
I know that I have posted here before what I have learned about being a ‘husband’. Remember you can only be a ‘husband’ of: (a) wife (wives), bees, or grape vineyards. Each have some things to show us about being a ‘husband’. And is partly why I husband honeybees to this day.
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Galen
I have seen in our society, men heavily burden themselves with the weight of being the "bread winner" and provider, the protector and "Bringing home the bacon". They have medical problems and die young.
My wife and I, saw from the 'Virtuous Woman' that she can run her own businesses, her own lands, her own employees, and harvest food for her family. She can be a ‘bread winner’ and provide for her family. She has taken on more of those responsibilities, with her income.
I then realized that I am not really supposed to be the sole 'bread-winner’; now we have shared things much more.
My father is furious, because he thinks a man should never let his wife earn an income, let alone use that income for living expenses.
I was once told (I truly do not remember who told me this), that 'husband' is only used when describing men in particular circumstances:
1-there is a husband or head of a wife,
2-there is a husband of a comb of bees,
3-a grape vineyard is maintained by a husbandman.
We studied all three topics through out the Bible, to see what further teaching they held for being a better husband. But for me that was still not enough.
While in prayer about my desire to know more, so in '85-'87, I took some college courses on horticulture, and learned to graft, prune and train grapevines. They need to be frequently watered, yet kept well drained. Vines must be twisted and trained to grow in the direction that provides them with the most sunlight and to ease harvest. Any errant branches need to be trimmed early on (before so much growth goes into them, that it hurts the vine when they are cut-off). When a branch starts in a direction you like, you adjust it and train it onto supports, so the vine will put extra growth into that branch that gets the extra attention. Weeds must be removed quickly as the vines should not compete for nourishment. In this way, each vine will work it's hardest to produce the sweetest juiciest fruit. My career moved us to a new area and in looking for a home; we found a home with a 20-acre vineyard. So while we lived there I made husbanding that vineyard, my hobby.
Two moves later (we were in Connecticut) in '90-'93, I got to reading about bees and I bought a beehive, and learned to keep bees. I husbanded that hive for three years, as my hobby. I learned that bees need to be located in a sheltered location, They need a safe solid home, protected from wind and weather, with easy access for them, but limited access for anyone else. They need water close at hand, clean running water. Their placement needs to be done with consideration of where they are expected to work, and how they can get to their work. They need a clear path to their food. If placed within a grove of trees, they will never leave that grove. If placed in a location that is out of the wind where they can climb up high above the trees, then they will travel a radius of 20 miles to find food and bring it all home again. If I focus my attention and am gentle with them, maybe using something to provide a little distraction, when I go inside their hive; they will spare their wrath and will willingly give me all of their sugary honey. They will defend their home and only allow a loving husband near them. They will work hard and produce much honey and wax.
I think that I have learned that my wife needs to be safe and protected; encouraged in her activities, and provided with any implements she needs to be able to work safely. Whatever she is good at, I need to point her in that direction and ensure she has full access to anything she needs. Anybody that distracts or bothers her needs to be addressed quickly. She should only be handled gently, and with my full attention.
Link to comment
Share on other sites
GeorgeStGeorge
I remember a teaching years ago about Proverbs. The teacher pointed out that Chapter 31 is there for the young man to know how to choose a wife. When asked if there were similar instruction for women on choosing a husband, he replied, "That would be Chapters 1-30." Here's a hint, ladies: wise man GOOD, foolish man BAD.
;)-->
George
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Cowgirl
Wow Kit !! I won't go into details but all I can say, is that sure touched my heart and brought tears to my eyes..........
Thanks
Cowgirl
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Kit Sober
George,
In your (not only typically twi but also generally considered) teaching that Prov 31 was for the women to "get it together in a godly fashion," was there any mention of the (to me especially noteworthy point) that
<i>Was Proverbs 31 ever intended to be an idealistic standard for women to attain by themselves? Not at all. Instead, this passage of Scripture, like the rest of Proverbs, was written originally as a challenge to men.
It's all too easy for guys to read Proverbs 31:10-31 rather flippantly--"Wow, if only I had a wife like this!"--without stopping to notice what these verses say about this woman/s rather remarkable husband.</i>
I had never heard this before. And had only heard the drill, "women get it together and this is what you need to do...." not only at twi "advances" but also other Christian "retreats."
Kit
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Cindy!
Wow Kit...that was a joy to read!
...and so very true....
My first husband would make a wonderful "What it is NOT" model....
My hubby now could teach Proverbs 31 a thing or two.
As a person/wife/mother/woman/professional I know I can go as fast and as far as I like, Steve! believes in me even more than I believe in myself. I am loved, honored, cherished, and safe and protected.
I find myself often saying to myself..."Oh...so THIS is why people get married. I get it NOW!!!!"
too cool, Kit...thanks for posting this!!!
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.