9th Corps

[notinKansasanymore]

Okay, one of my students sent this in an e-mail. I practically had to get out the defibrillator just to read it, and had to share it with you guys.

Here it is:

For all of you who occasionally have a really bad day when you just need to take it out on someone! Don't take that bad day out on someone you know, take it out on someone you DON'T know!

Now get this. I was sitting at my desk, when I remembered a phone call I had to make. I found the number, and dialed it.

A man answered nicely saying, "Hello?" I politely said, "This is Patrick Hanifin, and could I please speak to Robin Carter?"

Suddenly the phone was slammed down on me! I couldn't believe that anyone could be that rude. I tracked down Robin's correct number, and called her. She had transposed the last two digits incorrectly. After I hung up with Robin, I spotted the wrong number still lying there on my desk. I decided to call it again. When the same person once more answered, I yelled "You're a jackass!" and hung up. Next to his phone number I wrote the word "jackass," and put it in my desk drawer.

Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills, or had a really bad day, I'd call him up. He'd answer, and I'd yell, "You're a jackass!" It would always cheer me up.

Later in the year the phone company introduced caller ID. This was a real disappointment for me, I would have to stop calling the jackass. Then one day I had an idea. I dialed his number, then heard his voice, "Hello." I made up a name.

"Hi. This is the sales office of the telephone company, and I'm just calling to see if you're familiar with our caller ID program?" He went, "No!" and slammed the phone down. I quickly called him back and said, "That's because you're a jackass!"

The reason I took the time to tell you this story, is to show you how if there's ever anything really bothering you, you can do something about it. Just dial 823-4863.

[Keep reading, it gets better.]

The old lady at the mall really took her time

pulling out of the parking space. I didn't think she was ever going to leave.

Finally, her car began to move, and she started to very slowly back out of the slot. I backed up a little more to give her plenty of room to pull out. Great, I thought, she's finally leaving.

All of a sudden this black Camaro came flying up the parking aisle in the wrong direction, and pulled into her space. I started honking my horn, and yelling, "You can't just do that, Buddy. I was here first!" The guy climbed out of his Camaro completely ignoring me. He walked toward the mall as if he didn't even hear me. I thought to myself, "this guy's a jackass, there sure are a lot of jackasses in this world."

I noticed he had a "For Sale" sign in the back window of his car. I wrote down the number. Then I hunted for another place to park. A couple of days later, I'm at home sitting at my desk. I had just gotten off the phone after calling 823-4863, and yelling, "You're jackass!" (It's really easy to call him now since I have his number on speed dial.) I noticed the phone number of the guy with the black Camaro lying

on my desk, and thought I better call this guy too.

He answered the phone, and said, "Hello." I said,

"Is this the man with the black Camaro for sale?" "Yes, it is."

"Can you tell me where I can see it?"

"Yes, I live at 1802 West 34th street. It's a yellow house and the car's parked right out front."

I said, "What's your name?" "My name is Don Hansen."

"When's a good time to catch you, Don?" "I'm home in the evenings."

"Listen Don, can I tell you something?" "Yes." "Don, you're a jackass!" And I slammed the phone down. After I hung up I added Don Hansen's number to my speed dialer. For a while things seemed to be going better for me. Now when I had a problem I had two jackasses to call. Then, after several months of calling the jackasses, and hanging up on them, it just wasn't as enjoyable as it used to be. I gave the problem some serious thought, and came up with a solution:

First, I had my phone dial Jackass #1. A man answered nicely saying, "Hello."

I yelled "You're a jackass!" But I didn't hang up. The jackass said, "Are you still there?" I said, "Yeah."

He said, "Stop calling me." I said, "No."

He said, "What's your name, Pal?" I said, "Don Hansen."

He said "Where do you live?" "1802 West 34th Street. It's a yellow house, and my black Camaro's parked out front."

"I'm coming over right now, Don. You'd better start saying your prayers."

"Yeah, like I'm really scared, Jackass!" And I hung up.

Then I called Jackass #2. He answered, "Hello." I said, "Hello, Jackass!"

He said, "If I ever find out who you are..." "You'll what?" "I'll kick your butt." "Well, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now Jackass!" And I hung up.

Then I picked up the phone, and called the police.

I told them I was at 1802 West 34th Street and that I was going to kill my gay lover as soon as he got home. Another quick call to Channel 13 about the gang war going on down W. 34th Street.

After that I climbed into my car, and headed over to 34th Street to watch the whole thing.

Glorious! Watching two Jackasses kicking the crap out of each other in front of 6 squad cars, and a police helicopter was one of the greatest experiences of my life!

[tomtuttle]

Ex, I plan on dying biblically, like the fig tree. Backwards.

I have dreamed a dream ...

Simon, maybe YOU would only point 4 fingers, but I would use all 9 all the time !!!!!

[excathedra]

not-toto that was excellent, luv u

**

rev. mr. t, that is beautiful

i too plan on dying biblically, not as such a one as the backwards fig tree

rather--

i will behold the feet of them which have buried my husband are at the door and shall carry me out.... feet first straightway

do you behold a great cloud witnessing ?

Edited April 16, 2003 by Guest

[fellowshipper]

Ex I was just wondering if we could be buried in the Way Woods so we would be closer ot home.

TOTO 2 you have given me some good material to work with now on all of those jackasses I meet.

[igotout]

I was thinking of having some of my ashes scattered in several different places that I loved.

But it makes me nervous because if one of ya'll come along and raise me from the dead I will be in a whole bunch of pieces like the scarecrow in Wizard of OZ.

Or just one part of me will get raised if the community believing is too low in on of my other resting places.

What should I do?

[simonzelotes]

Awww,do the will of the Lord,John,c'mon do the will of the Lord....you know what the will of the Lord is.......

We adjure you by jesus whom victor paul preacheth......

[Rocky]

Jesus we know (or knew), Paul we knew, but who the he77 is Victor??? get thee (some) behind, Simon.

[excathedra]

ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

"closer to home" fellowstripper

"jesus we know (or knew)" rockcandy

ohgod thank god or somebody for this thread

**

now, igothigh has brought up something for us all to think about..... safety in a multitude of therapists. so i think we should all bring this question to our therapist this week

and igotlaid, can you tell us where those places are and we can watch the community believing for you and put up maps with little pins and pray for your places of rest

are you thinking yankee stadium (say hello to my brothers when you and they get there) ? i can watch the temperature of believing there for you as the season goes on

Edited April 17, 2003 by Guest

[notinKansasanymore]

So, if you could have your ashes sprinkled anywhere, where would that be?

Anybody here donating the earthly coil, once it's shuffled off, to science or medicine? I had a friend who lost her husband when they were both in their early twenties, and she donated his body in that way. About two years later, the medical school was finished with it, and she got a very nice box with his ashes, and a letter of thanks. She and her two young daughters scattered them.

It's a vewwy heavy topic for the coowest thwead on the website.

[simonzelotes]

My friends that lost their daughter recently are having her ashes somehow "carbonized" and made into 5 diamonds,one for each family member to wear in a necklace....It's pretty expensive...Maybe I'll donate my body to a tribe of hungry cannibals somewhere............

[tomtuttle]

Simon-in-the-rough, with all those cigs you've devoured, what do you think your flesh would taste like?

Maybe you should be thinking of donations to the local gehenna ...

As for me and my house, I do believe we have found the secret to victorious living and life eternal in the flesh. These are the 5 steps:

1. Jethro Kloss high enema daily.

2. Knowles breath training daily.

3. HONESTLY earning aerobic points daily.

4. Jethro Kloss high enema daily.

These 5 things will guarantee results. And all these things will I give thee, Simon, if thou wilt (chamberlain) fall down and worship me (fall over!!! fall over!!!).

[excathedra]

behold the handmaiden of the thread

what is HONESTLY earning aerobic points daily

[notinKansasanymore]

When we were at Emporia, I always honestly earned my aerobics points every week.

The problem was, I never really had the time to exercise, so I always got all of my weekly points in the last hour before they were due.

That's a lot of jumprope-jumping, stair-climbing, and whatevertheheckelseing in an hour, lemmetellya.

I call it "procrastinaction."

[igotout]

I was so religious. I really, really DID get all my Aerobics points for 2 whole years. Thanks, some of you 9th Corps, for corrupting me aerobically and spiritually (you know who you are.) I didn't fall asleep in class so much in my final year. And my Adidas lasted much longer.

One place I want some of my ashes is in a butt can somewhere so I can still smoke in the after life.

[excathedra]

well don't get in the same butt can with jeff ludewig or david bailey because they will be smoking YOU

Edited April 18, 2003 by Guest

[notinKansasanymore]

I went to a kickboxing class awhile back; the next day, I felt like my whole body was smoked.

Cut, dried, rolled and smushed, and smoked.

Beating the heck out of a big, heavy bag is hard work, canIgetawitness.

Reminded me of running the jackhammer after being 30 seconds late for Corps night. Thing is, though, they thought that they were punishing us, and so did I at the time, but in hindsight, where else would I get to find out what it's like to run a jackhammer? Looking back, maybe I had a better deal than the folks in top floor Wierwille.

[igotout]

I have a question for TomTuttle. Why do you always end all your letters with:

"Sincerely,

Holding it forth, In Him

Tom Tuttle"

Can you stop that, please.

[tomtuttle]

Yougotguts, how dare you try to shroud my godly salutations with a rancid rendidtion similar to that which we would expect from lewd fellows of the baser sort.

"Holding it forth in Him..."

Is that some sort of homosexual inuendo that I hear in mine earballs??

I see snot to give my sulatations as I am pushed around by the holy toast ...

Edited April 19, 2003 by Guest

[excathedra]

it edifies me greatly to see the brethren sharpening each other with iron. a friend of mine was the only one allowed to iron john lynn's shirts because of her detailmindedness. oh i wish i was the ironer i know to be

**

if i get sprinkled on the devils home ice, will i be chilly for eternity ?

**

is this the fertility holiday "coming up"? ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha sorry

sunrise service tomorrow. dial in. i'll be reading all your greetings.

[Rocky]

A brief respite from the joviality to wish niKa and anyone else close to OKCity today, the anniversary of the bombing of the federal bldg, comfort, peace and all the blessings they could garner from their own families, as times like this give cause to reflect and be thankful for those we love...

[fellowshipper]

Ex I didn't know there was a phone hook up this morning for "he is risen", Easter Sunday. I planned to go to church as we have a real big dinner at lunch and told them I would bring a big appetite.

[igotout]

It's also been 10 years today since the tradgedy at Waco with the Branch Davidians. My thoughts and prayers go out especially to the 21 children who were released right before the tragedy. As teens and young adults today, they have had to deal with this in ways we can never imagine. May they continue to be strong.

Some of us can understand a little bit.

Edited April 20, 2003 by Guest

[igotout]

I slept in right through the resurrection. Why couldn't he have arose at around 10:30 or so? Or why couldn't he have had an early resurrection and a later one for some of us with families?

Tom, will you seek wisdom from above about this? Can this be changed? I'l be glad to re-write the scriptures if given special permission to do so.

[notinKansasanymore]

Rocky, thank you.

The anniversary of the bombing is always a somber day around here. I knew many people who worked in the building, because an ex-boyfriend of mine was officed there. In fact, he and his whole office moved out of the 6th floor of "that" side of the building about a month before the bombing. I was about to begin teaching a sophomore high school English class, and happened to glance at a television in another teacher's room, on my way in to take roll. I hadn't dated the guy for about five or six months, and didn't know that they'd moved for several hours. After eight years with this fellow, I knew and liked many of his co-workers. It was a relief to learn that they were allright.

One of my former student's Dad was one of the federal agents for whose death Timothy McVeigh was executed.

Well, kind of makes a person thankful for the folks that we have left, and thankful that we are among them. Beautiful day, today, by the way.

[notinKansasanymore]

By the way, the Easter bunny happened by our place this morning.

He left little plastic eggs, with Fruit Loops in them. Our kitty who lives in the back yard had a lot of fun batting them around, because they rattled.

The Easter bunny also left a couple of little bunny stuffed animals, sitting in the garden chairs.

The Easter bunny never seems to leave much chocolate for my kids; what does he leave at your house?