outandabout, I have been reading your interesting life story also. Just havent had the heart to post lately.
My mom was in the hosp. for 4 days and I just brought her home yesterday.
Anyway, dont keep us in suspense too long!!! :)-->
I was sent my 2nd wow year to a very small town in MD. Just 4 of us, and one guy left b4 Christmas. Never did get a class together, but I made a friend named Karen that I still think of to this day. She didnt take the class (Thank GOD) but she was a special person. In fact, if she is still married to her 1st husband, we now share the same last name!!!
I also have been enjoying your story and hope you find time to continue. Our "real lives" have a way of crowding out Greasespot time but I know (for me anyway) reading stories like yours helps us deal with our collective pasts.
SO - I went to Jackson for my “assignment.†It was beginning to dawn on me that as a Corps Grad this was to be my lot it life. That is, every year, I would have to be “assigned†or continue to be where I was already “assigned.†I didn’t have a real home, I didn’t really belong anywhere, I was just “assigned.â€
We had a meeting and Barq read out a list of WHO would be living with WHO. I was to live with “Bittwyâ€, a WOW vet, her 9 year old daughter, “Laquishaâ€, and “Danielle†another WOW vet, who was from Jackson and had returned home. They announced that Danielle was to be coordinator. Later, Mot told me that he didn’t give me the responsibility because I was to “show them what I was made of.†And later on, Barq said, “We’re watching you.†Wow, that got me off to a really good start. So I guess I was supposed to prove myself worthy before I could run anything.
Barq spoke to me one day about how I would be really good at “writing children’s songs.†(I had a history of playing the guitar, singing and writing songs, playing at meetings, etc) OK, so I tried but it’s a little hard to crank out music on demand. So I didn’t really get too far with it.
Danielle, Bittwy, Laquisha and I found a two-bedroom place in a complex called Camelot. We settled in, had a little meeting about how our family fund would work, etc. Danielle and I shared a room and Bittwy and her daughter were in the other.
I found a job at I-Hop nearby because “Jammit†(6th corps grad) got a job there and knew Jorge, the manager. Jorge didn’t want to hire me at first but then he started me out as a hostess. Later I got on the day shift as a waitress. Jammit and I worked the same shift a lot. So I would run around all day waiting on tables, getting yelled at by Jammit. For example, Jammit decided the tickets should be in TWO piles after they’re rung up. So I forgot at first, got yelled at. One day I picked up the wrong plate from the cook’s station. OH NO!!! She yelled and yelled, right in front of customers, employees, everybody.
One morning I was the first one in, so I set up the the restaurant the best I knew how. Well, in comes Jammit and she yells and yells because I did it all wrong. I was still glad I had a job though. Later on, Jorge told me I was his “most improved waitress.â€
Barq asked me how things were going for us at our apartment and I said really good, because at that point I thought they were. Then Danielle, the coordinator, started getting really crabby and ....ed off about everything. One day Bittwy and I came home from somewhere and Danielle was gone – all her stuff cleared out, outtathere. I think her boyfriend, another WOW vet, had helped her make the escape. Some of us got smart early!
Meanwhile, on the other side of the complex, “Janeâ€, “Wanda†and Wanda’s little boy were living in a three bedroom apartment. Barq had told me once that Wanda was a “turd.†I remember being kind of shocked that a branch leader’s wife would call another believer a “turd†but gee, she was the spiritual one, ordained even. (In fact BOTH Mot and Barq were ordained.) Anyway, Jane and Barq had it in for Wanda. One time Jane showed me the paper bags in the kitchen that Wanda had folded up all wrong. So Wanda was kicked out of Jane’s apartment. Oh, I mean, encourage to leave and get herself more together.
Next thing I know, Barq tells Bittwy and me that we had to move to Jane’s apartment. Not would we, could we, but we WERE to move. That’s how it was with those two, Barq and Mot. You did what you were TOLD. (After all, they were ORDAINED).
I sure as he11 did NOT want to MOVE. I’d settled into that other place, Bittwy and I each had our own bedroom and bathroom on different sides of the place, we were getting along. I’d even hung up plants. Dammit. So we moved over there to Jane’s. This time Mot and Barq made Jane the coordinator. Life went on.
One day Barq told me how “I hadn’t done ANYTHING they’d asked me toâ€, blah blah blah. The only thing I could think of was those children’s songs I was supposed to write. And then she accused me of not being honest when I said we were doing really well at the apartment earlier. And she laid a guilt trip on me about Danielle leaving because I was “Corps.†Like I should have stopped it somehow. All I knew was that Danielle had been acting crabby and then she left.
So on it went, I worked at I-Hop, went to meetings, etc etc. I missed Buster of course. I talked to him a few times. He asked me to come up to Greenville to see him but I couldn’t do that, because how could walk away from the sanctity of God’s household to go off into the darkness to be involved with an unbeliever?
Christmas was coming up. My dad sent me a check for $700 and said I could use it for a ticket to come home for Christmas or for whatever I wanted. I was at Mot and Barq’s house for some meeting and I told Mot that I wanted to go home for Christmas and he said, “OK, why don’t you just stay there?†Gee, I could do that but then I’d be breaking my “assignment†and be in disgrace as Corps, but then I could stay here in your stupid branch where you don’t want me. OK. Yeah.
This year was when I began to feel a deep desire to GET OUT. Deep in my heart I wanted be OUT. I remember standing there in I-Hop one day, watching customers go out the door and I envied them because they could go home and watch TV. But then of course I would feel guilty and “out of fellowship†for wanting to GET OUT. Because it was a trick of the Devil, wasn’t it? I had made a commitment to God to be Corps and now it was making me miserable. It was like a boulder around my neck. But I felt guilty for being miserable, because it meant I was weak and unrenewed and there was something wrong with ME. I would apologize to God all the time for my bad attitude, my lack of commitment, my unfaithfulness.
One day I came home from work, and before I started up the stairs to our apartment I noticed a flower. I wanted to lean over to enjoy the scent of the flower but I felt inhibited from doing so. I think this moment stands out in my mind because it shows how I was internalizing all the oppression.
Barq came to our fellowship to teach one night. She taught on “freedom.†Later I shared with her, “What’s funny is how I was listening to you teach on freedom but I don’t feel free.†She just gave me a quizzical look.
One day Bittwy and I were in I-Hop. I think Bittwy was working there too then. At that point the twig we were going to was at Jammit’s. Jammit and her husband and another couple lived in the house where Mot and Barq had lived. (But Mot and Barq moved because the house was ‘too dark’) Maybe Jane’s and Jammit’s twig had merged. I don’t recall. Anyway, Jammit knew we weren’t going to their twig that evening and as she walked out of I-Hop, she said to Bittwy and me, “Have a great evening.â€
That night, Bittwy and I visited some one Bittwy had witnessed to and we led that person into tongues. Next morning I walk into I-Hop and there’s Jammit standing there glaring at me. “Where were you last night?†she demanded. I was rather taken aback. There she was all PO’d about us not going to twig when she’d told us earlier to “have a great evening.†I told Jammit about the person we led into tongues being glad that we'd done something "spiritual". But why did I have to justify why we weren't at twig when she had already agreed to us not coming? I mean, these people were going to drive me nuts.
I prayed to God to give me a break from Jammit and when Jorge made up the next schedule, I wasn’t scheduled to work with Jammit for awhile!
One weekend our branch was supposed to do some outreach blitz. The So and So’s were coming to town. They were that quartet group of guys that sang songs written by other recording artists but they'd changed the words. They were this big deal. After we had the joy of running around Jackson with flyers to get people to come see the great So and So’s sing their versions of other people’s songs, it was now time to take off for the big fun gala at the limb home. On the way I stopped for gas and the people in my car all got out and wandered into the gas station snack store and there I was getting all nervous because we were going to be late. FINALLY they all came back and piled back into the car. Whatta ya know, when I got to the branch leaders’ house, the big event was going on already. I drove down the drive, and when we got out of the car, out came Barq to yell at me. “I don’t want to see you coming late like that here again, driving down the drive at 20 miles an hour and if you’re late don’t come at all yada yada yada…â€
Then the So and So’s were up on the roof top doing their gig and I remember feeling totally dead inside. I mean, this was NO FUN. This was supposed to be fun and we were supposed to be enjoying the music and I was numb to it all. Too numb to have fun.
Then there was the time I was on my way to some event in the Southwest, and on the way, I was dropping off some one at the limb home and then taking some one else to a state-wide Dealing with the Adversary class that Mot was running somewhere else. On the way to the limb home in Jackson, one of my passengers said she knew a shortcut but then she fell asleep before the turn I was supposed take. So we ended up taking a way that was even longer than the original one.
Then the trunk of the VW flew open and all the stuff we were carrying inside flew out! So there we were at the side of the road picking it all up. This VW had a trunk that didn’t close quite right and you COULD NOT slam it down and latch it because if you did, then you couldn’t very easily get it open again. So before I could say anything, some one slams it down. Needless to say we were running late. We got to our first stop at the limb home. Of course, we couldn’t get the trunk open to get the stuff out for the person we were dropping off there before going on to DWA. Which was making us even more late.
Mot called me up from where the DWA class was and yelled at me over the phone for his student not being there on time and about how awful I was and that “I couldn’t lead anybody out of a paper bag.â€
Another incident I recall was when I was told to make posters for some event we had. There was one I thought was especially good, and I was told it had to go in a rather obscure location in a downstairs room. I jokingly said I thought it should have a better spot because it was so good. It was just an off-the-cuff pseudo-egotistical remark.
After the Advance, some of us Corps were in a restaurant “reviewing†the events of the Advance. The person in charge of organizing it, who had told me where to put the poster, made a point of soundly reproving me for what I had said about where I thought the poster should go and how it was so wrong for me say such a thing and yada yada yada. The tears just came and I couldn’t stop. I sat there and cried. No one said anything. It was just getting to be too damn much. Every time I turned around some one was yelling at me or reproving me. Everything I did was wrong.
That year, a few more things happened. One evening I came home, parked in the parking lot, and after I got out of the car, a guy approached me and said, “How are you doing?†Then he pulled a gun on me and demanded my purse. Well, did I rebuke him in the name of Jesus Christ? Did I boldly resist because of my believing? Uh,no. I gave him my purse. As he ran off I did yell, “There’s only $7 in there!†I went into the apartment and Jane called the cops. I had my glasses on my face, my keys in my hand and my MS license was coming in the mail. The guy got my make-up and the $7.
Later I almost got strangled to death one day when I was laying outside on a blanket reading a book. Some guy I didn’t know came up behind me, I felt his hands on the back of my neck and the next thing I knew this pressure on my neck got tighter and tighter and I could hardly breathe. I rolled around trying to fight him off and called out to Jane in the hopes she would hear me. I rebuked the guy in the name of Jesus Christ as much as I could yell. (Things do really move slower when something like that happens). The next thing I knew, he ran off and I looked down to see a rope with some of my hairs twisted in and around it. I went inside and told Jane what had just happened and she called the police. The same police officer showed up. He said to me, “You sure have your problems, don’t you?â€
I still remember the exact date of when this happened. And I sometimes think of how my life could have ended that day, but I've still had so many years of life since then. How close I came but it was GOD who save me that day!
One of my gold hoop earrings I was wearing disappeared during the struggle. (That will come into play later) Jane and I looked all over the grass for it and never found it.
Then the grand finale for the year. I went to see the movie Porky’s with “Rockheadâ€, a guy from our branch. When we came back, we were standing around outside the front door of the apartment. He asked, “Do you ever feel like leaving the Way?†As one friend to another I said, “Yeah, sometimes.†Wow, little did I realize where my little admission would lead me.
Next thing I know, while I was in the living room the next day making posters for some meeting coming up, Mot comes over. He looked at me all intensely and asked, “And how are you doing?†Then he asked me to “come see him†the next day. I literally did not sleep all night because I was dreading what I knew would be the confrontation coming up.
So I went over to Mot and Barq’s house to see Mot at the appointed time. He asked me into his office to sit down. He sat at his desk and I sat in front of him. And then he started in on me. Did I want to stay in the Way or didn’t I? Well, sometimes I didn’t, I said. He called me a liar because I had said I wanted to go WOW the next year and then I had said I didn’t. He said I wasn’t married because I couldn’t make a commitment. He said I thought the Way was just some organization that told me to go here and there. He said I was just living with a bunch of women and working at a “job I hated.†He accused me of being afraid of everything. And as for Buster, which he had found about, he said that if I went to him “It will be good for about 3 years and then he’ll kill you.†Oh and I had a lazy mind. That was another one.
I broke down and cried. Then Mot did a 180 degree turnabout. He came over and hugged me and comforted me and then walked me out to my car and told me how great I was. I felt all cleansed by the reproof that I so deserved. Now I was set straight again and I knew how wrong I had been. Rockhead later apologized for going to Mot to rat on me by telling him that I had said I wanted to leave TWI sometimes.
Right as the year was ending, an 11th corps guy that I knew, “Merkel Schmitvergenâ€, suddenly dropped by. He was driving a truck somewhere with some limb leaders’ stuff in it and stopped on the way. I had met him in Greenville when I first got there because he had been one of the WOWs there before he left to go into the 11th corps. I was one of his “spiritual partners.†We had a nice evening together. He told me he had always thought I was really pretty and even had my picture by his bed. WOW. Then he kissed me. When he left he said, “See you at Corps Week.†That gave me an uneasy feeling because I was thinking, “See you? Where? How?â€
So now to the end. (for this year) It was time to pack up and leave for Corps Week and the Rock. I was going WOW for my next “assignment.†Oh goody. I was driving there with Jiffy, Jammit’s husband. A bunch of us spent the night at Jiffy and Jammit’s house. I laid there on the floor and did not sleep a wink the whole night. By the time we were taking off, I was starting to lose it. Another episode was coming on, like the one on the way to Amarillo in 1974. I hadn’t flipped out since then and it was 1982.
We got to Corps Week and Jiffy was telling me I’d better figure out “where to put my stuff†and it was starting to rain. There was some canvas shelter that I wanted to put my stuff under and they let me but told me "I couldn't keep it there". And I was wondering if I’d see Merkel and if he’d want to see me and was this going to go anywhere since I was starting to like him.
To make a long story short, I was getting nuttier and nuttier. I was sitting in the audience at one of the meetings and I looked at "Rinse Minagain" who was sitting on the stage and I knew I just HAD to tell him about what I had just realized. God had showed me a vision of where I was REALLY supposed to go. I was supposed to go to Yellow Springs, OH (the town near HQ where I’d gone to college and where I first got witnessed to). And I would get people to come to HQ to go to the Sunday meetings in the auditorium and I would really move the Word there! So after the meeting I went back stage and there was "Jotty Mousehand" and I asked him if it was ok to see Rinse, and he shrugged and said sure why not. I thought WOW it’s not so hard to get in with the heavies. I found Rinse and I started telling him everything that I knew God had showed me. I was manic so I was talking really fast. For some reason I felt it was Rinse I was supposed to tell all this to. He told me to sit on a nearby golf cart and wait for him there. So I sat there on this golf cart and thought “Wow, now I’m one of the cool people who gets to sit in a golf cart†Then Rinse came back with Mot and "Pot Limb". We were still in one of the tents and they had me sit in a chair. The three of them stood over me and started in on the reproof. Pot asked me if I “wanted to be there out on the street.†Huh? Why would I? Pot asked me if I’d been “smoking dope.†I said I hadn’t smoked a joint since 1973. That seemed to be answer enough. Mot started reproving me for what a failure I’d been all year, and I said, “What about how I got Wayne in the class?†and he said “That was grace!â€
So then they took me up to some room and I was asked if I knew if there was a place I could go. I used the phone there and called my parents in CA to ask them if I could come home.
You know what’s funny? Nobody prayed for me or ministered to me. Here I was at Corps Week with ALL of the MOST SPIRITUAL people on the planet (I say that facetiously) in one place and not one of them thought to pray or minister to their wacked-out Corps sister. To them, I was worthless because I wasn’t together enough. I wasn’t worthy of being there. Some people say it didn’t get really bad until the 90’s? This was 1982. Maybe I wouldn’t have prayed or ministered either at that point if it was some one else needing it. I’m just saying that we were losing the ministry already by then.
Here we go again. Repeat of 1974. The crazy daughter returns. Someone booked a ticket and I had just enough to pay for it because I had my WOW money and some extra. Soon after that I was driven to the airport. I was sitting in the back seat of a station wagon, probably a ministry car. Jiffy (Jammit’s husband, the twig leader) was with us because he was probably “spiritually responsible.†I don’t remember who else, but around 4 or 5 other people were in the car, probably Bless Patrol, and I remember thinking that finally people recognized how important I really was, because, look, I was getting such an entourage to accompany me to the airport!
I had extra boxes to put on the plane and fortunately I had just enough to pay for them all. I had tried to reduce the amount of possessions I had when packing but I still had several boxes of stuff. This time I was gettin put on a plane to California and not a bus to Rochester.
Please tell us more when you have time and feel like it.
Ok, I have my speech back. :)-->
I am so saddened by all that you went thru in the name of God and "His Ministry".... I am so thankful that you have the ability with words to tell your story so eloquently.
I can't believe what cold, heartless people you had to deal with. I am so sorry that all of those things happened to you.
Thanks for taking the time to tell this story. I am so looking forward to reading more so that I can hear some good things that happened post Way years.
What a couple of reptiles*, those two ordained creeps, Mot and Barq. You never mentioned that they had any offspring. They must have eaten them.
*my apologies to any nice reptiles. I just mean reptiles in the sense of cold blooded creatures that would consume their young or anyone elses if it would serve their purpose.
it must be very healing for you to write this. it's been healing for me to read it as well.
I am very happy to know that it is healing for you as well.
Because it was so difficult to speak up for myself, it has been healing to speak up here.
After I got out, I would talk about it sometimes but recounting it in this way has helped me see it more.
I still wonder what I would do if I saw Mot or Barq again. There's still a part of my brain that thinks maybe they were right. We were so conditioned to be "subjected to the higher powers" as Vee Pee interpreted Romans 11.
Vee Pee taught from Romans 11 that the "higher powers" were the "gift ministries," i.e. the ordained clergy. Thus, many of us dared not to question them or defy them, because to do so was to disobey God himself.
This opened us up to abuse because the TWI clergy could say ANYTHING to us and many of us would assume they had to be right because they were "ordained of God."
It got to the point where it defied common sense.
Most normal people just don't treat other people that way. We were taught that the "unbelievers" were all out to lunch but normal people simply know how to be polite and considerate to others.
I still wonder what I would do if I saw Mot or Barq again. There's still a part of my brain that thinks maybe they were right.
They were right???
OK...I know it's tempting to think that way and I completely understand that state of mind because I was under that delusion as well.
BUT think for just one moment...
If you had seen someone is the same pain/anguish/torment you were in...would you for one millisecond think,"Oh, there's someone in need...I think I'll go over there and verbally abuse them! That will surely pick them up and make them feel like a million dollars. God, I'm good!"
I know for a fact that it would never in a lifetime cross your mind. Therefore, you were more christian-like than they'd ever hope to be in a millenium.
You were a good person ... they were not. Bottom line. They chose to do what they did. That's what makes them weak. You were the strong one. You never succumbed to the hardness they insisted you should have to be the nazi they expected you to be.
Bless your heart. Reading your story just makes me want to hug you because I feel so bad for the way you were treated. I just can't imagine.
I'm laughing at myself though. Big dummy me! I was reading the names of the people you were referring to and thinking "what the hell kind of name is that?" I didn't realize they are disguised names until someone else mentioned the L Nazis. They sure were some big arseholes in my opinion.
I was involved in taking pictures for the stupid yearbook for the corps and staff when I was at HQ. Mot and Barq ;-) came over and I went over the spiel with them without standing for their clerginess. I went over the instruction of what they were supposed to do in my quick hurriedness because time was of the essence to get pictures for 450 adults and children. Mot started acting ....y with me because I wasn't recognizing his holiness....I blew him off! They used to come in to the department I worked in acting like they had the biggest priority EVER!!! Their priority was their cowtowing to the big forehead and his deadlines....whatever.....I wonder what they think now. They are the weak ones. They don't even have enough balls to show their faces to anyone after they left. It really shows their true colors: they were in it to kiss the MOGs arse. Power is their greed.
Steve!, yes I knew of their departure. Circa 2000 sometime, right?
Maybe they do know about the hearts they stomped on. I don't think mine was the only one. Then maybe not. I've wondered about that. They weren't totally "monsters." But their moments of niceness were followed by acts of arrogance and heard heartedness.
There were more incidents than I recounted. My room mate who split out wasn't the only one who disappeared. Others were kicked out. Their rules for the mens' Way Home was that the guys had to be either witnessing or working.
And they would threaten to "kick people out of the area." One guy they said that to was FROM the area! Like they were going to kick him out his home town?
Oh well.
And A la, I only think that way sometimes because of the remnants of what Waybrain still lurks in the back of my brain. Sharing here has helped and what people have shared here has helped.
And Wayfer not, that's funny you didn't get the names at first! :D-->
Very much so, O&A! :)--> And, like Rascal, I, too, am so glad that you made it out! Your family must be so relieved and happy to have you back 100% and in a place where you are and will be loved and taken care of.
I agree with everyone here. Its been really great reading your experiences. You have great writing skills. You have written it so well and simply.
I am eagerly waiting to hear how you got out, and who you ended up marrying. I'm wondering if its the guy who you met on the field and didn't take the class.
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excathedra
i'm reading. you're wonderful. i'm so happy you have your little family. mwah
excathedra
oh goodie
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act2
outandabout, I have been reading your interesting life story also. Just havent had the heart to post lately.
My mom was in the hosp. for 4 days and I just brought her home yesterday.
Anyway, dont keep us in suspense too long!!!
:)-->
I was sent my 2nd wow year to a very small town in MD. Just 4 of us, and one guy left b4 Christmas. Never did get a class together, but I made a friend named Karen that I still think of to this day. She didnt take the class (Thank GOD) but she was a special person. In fact, if she is still married to her 1st husband, we now share the same last name!!!
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tonto
I also have been enjoying your story and hope you find time to continue. Our "real lives" have a way of crowding out Greasespot time but I know (for me anyway) reading stories like yours helps us deal with our collective pasts.
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outandabout
Thank you, exie, act2 & tonto! I am now working on regaling you with the tale of my wonderful year in Jackson, MS.
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Sunesis
I've also been following your story - there are so many things I can relate to being 7th corps, the same experiences, similar feelings.
Thanks for sharing! Waiting eagerly for the next installment!
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outandabout
Thank you, too Sunesis. I've just written it.
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outandabout
SO - I went to Jackson for my “assignment.†It was beginning to dawn on me that as a Corps Grad this was to be my lot it life. That is, every year, I would have to be “assigned†or continue to be where I was already “assigned.†I didn’t have a real home, I didn’t really belong anywhere, I was just “assigned.â€
We had a meeting and Barq read out a list of WHO would be living with WHO. I was to live with “Bittwyâ€, a WOW vet, her 9 year old daughter, “Laquishaâ€, and “Danielle†another WOW vet, who was from Jackson and had returned home. They announced that Danielle was to be coordinator. Later, Mot told me that he didn’t give me the responsibility because I was to “show them what I was made of.†And later on, Barq said, “We’re watching you.†Wow, that got me off to a really good start. So I guess I was supposed to prove myself worthy before I could run anything.
Barq spoke to me one day about how I would be really good at “writing children’s songs.†(I had a history of playing the guitar, singing and writing songs, playing at meetings, etc) OK, so I tried but it’s a little hard to crank out music on demand. So I didn’t really get too far with it.
Danielle, Bittwy, Laquisha and I found a two-bedroom place in a complex called Camelot. We settled in, had a little meeting about how our family fund would work, etc. Danielle and I shared a room and Bittwy and her daughter were in the other.
I found a job at I-Hop nearby because “Jammit†(6th corps grad) got a job there and knew Jorge, the manager. Jorge didn’t want to hire me at first but then he started me out as a hostess. Later I got on the day shift as a waitress. Jammit and I worked the same shift a lot. So I would run around all day waiting on tables, getting yelled at by Jammit. For example, Jammit decided the tickets should be in TWO piles after they’re rung up. So I forgot at first, got yelled at. One day I picked up the wrong plate from the cook’s station. OH NO!!! She yelled and yelled, right in front of customers, employees, everybody.
One morning I was the first one in, so I set up the the restaurant the best I knew how. Well, in comes Jammit and she yells and yells because I did it all wrong. I was still glad I had a job though. Later on, Jorge told me I was his “most improved waitress.â€
Barq asked me how things were going for us at our apartment and I said really good, because at that point I thought they were. Then Danielle, the coordinator, started getting really crabby and ....ed off about everything. One day Bittwy and I came home from somewhere and Danielle was gone – all her stuff cleared out, outtathere. I think her boyfriend, another WOW vet, had helped her make the escape. Some of us got smart early!
Meanwhile, on the other side of the complex, “Janeâ€, “Wanda†and Wanda’s little boy were living in a three bedroom apartment. Barq had told me once that Wanda was a “turd.†I remember being kind of shocked that a branch leader’s wife would call another believer a “turd†but gee, she was the spiritual one, ordained even. (In fact BOTH Mot and Barq were ordained.) Anyway, Jane and Barq had it in for Wanda. One time Jane showed me the paper bags in the kitchen that Wanda had folded up all wrong. So Wanda was kicked out of Jane’s apartment. Oh, I mean, encourage to leave and get herself more together.
Next thing I know, Barq tells Bittwy and me that we had to move to Jane’s apartment. Not would we, could we, but we WERE to move. That’s how it was with those two, Barq and Mot. You did what you were TOLD. (After all, they were ORDAINED).
I sure as he11 did NOT want to MOVE. I’d settled into that other place, Bittwy and I each had our own bedroom and bathroom on different sides of the place, we were getting along. I’d even hung up plants. Dammit. So we moved over there to Jane’s. This time Mot and Barq made Jane the coordinator. Life went on.
One day Barq told me how “I hadn’t done ANYTHING they’d asked me toâ€, blah blah blah. The only thing I could think of was those children’s songs I was supposed to write. And then she accused me of not being honest when I said we were doing really well at the apartment earlier. And she laid a guilt trip on me about Danielle leaving because I was “Corps.†Like I should have stopped it somehow. All I knew was that Danielle had been acting crabby and then she left.
So on it went, I worked at I-Hop, went to meetings, etc etc. I missed Buster of course. I talked to him a few times. He asked me to come up to Greenville to see him but I couldn’t do that, because how could walk away from the sanctity of God’s household to go off into the darkness to be involved with an unbeliever?
Christmas was coming up. My dad sent me a check for $700 and said I could use it for a ticket to come home for Christmas or for whatever I wanted. I was at Mot and Barq’s house for some meeting and I told Mot that I wanted to go home for Christmas and he said, “OK, why don’t you just stay there?†Gee, I could do that but then I’d be breaking my “assignment†and be in disgrace as Corps, but then I could stay here in your stupid branch where you don’t want me. OK. Yeah.
This year was when I began to feel a deep desire to GET OUT. Deep in my heart I wanted be OUT. I remember standing there in I-Hop one day, watching customers go out the door and I envied them because they could go home and watch TV. But then of course I would feel guilty and “out of fellowship†for wanting to GET OUT. Because it was a trick of the Devil, wasn’t it? I had made a commitment to God to be Corps and now it was making me miserable. It was like a boulder around my neck. But I felt guilty for being miserable, because it meant I was weak and unrenewed and there was something wrong with ME. I would apologize to God all the time for my bad attitude, my lack of commitment, my unfaithfulness.
One day I came home from work, and before I started up the stairs to our apartment I noticed a flower. I wanted to lean over to enjoy the scent of the flower but I felt inhibited from doing so. I think this moment stands out in my mind because it shows how I was internalizing all the oppression.
Barq came to our fellowship to teach one night. She taught on “freedom.†Later I shared with her, “What’s funny is how I was listening to you teach on freedom but I don’t feel free.†She just gave me a quizzical look.
One day Bittwy and I were in I-Hop. I think Bittwy was working there too then. At that point the twig we were going to was at Jammit’s. Jammit and her husband and another couple lived in the house where Mot and Barq had lived. (But Mot and Barq moved because the house was ‘too dark’) Maybe Jane’s and Jammit’s twig had merged. I don’t recall. Anyway, Jammit knew we weren’t going to their twig that evening and as she walked out of I-Hop, she said to Bittwy and me, “Have a great evening.â€
That night, Bittwy and I visited some one Bittwy had witnessed to and we led that person into tongues. Next morning I walk into I-Hop and there’s Jammit standing there glaring at me. “Where were you last night?†she demanded. I was rather taken aback. There she was all PO’d about us not going to twig when she’d told us earlier to “have a great evening.†I told Jammit about the person we led into tongues being glad that we'd done something "spiritual". But why did I have to justify why we weren't at twig when she had already agreed to us not coming? I mean, these people were going to drive me nuts.
I prayed to God to give me a break from Jammit and when Jorge made up the next schedule, I wasn’t scheduled to work with Jammit for awhile!
One weekend our branch was supposed to do some outreach blitz. The So and So’s were coming to town. They were that quartet group of guys that sang songs written by other recording artists but they'd changed the words. They were this big deal. After we had the joy of running around Jackson with flyers to get people to come see the great So and So’s sing their versions of other people’s songs, it was now time to take off for the big fun gala at the limb home. On the way I stopped for gas and the people in my car all got out and wandered into the gas station snack store and there I was getting all nervous because we were going to be late. FINALLY they all came back and piled back into the car. Whatta ya know, when I got to the branch leaders’ house, the big event was going on already. I drove down the drive, and when we got out of the car, out came Barq to yell at me. “I don’t want to see you coming late like that here again, driving down the drive at 20 miles an hour and if you’re late don’t come at all yada yada yada…â€
Then the So and So’s were up on the roof top doing their gig and I remember feeling totally dead inside. I mean, this was NO FUN. This was supposed to be fun and we were supposed to be enjoying the music and I was numb to it all. Too numb to have fun.
Then there was the time I was on my way to some event in the Southwest, and on the way, I was dropping off some one at the limb home and then taking some one else to a state-wide Dealing with the Adversary class that Mot was running somewhere else. On the way to the limb home in Jackson, one of my passengers said she knew a shortcut but then she fell asleep before the turn I was supposed take. So we ended up taking a way that was even longer than the original one.
Then the trunk of the VW flew open and all the stuff we were carrying inside flew out! So there we were at the side of the road picking it all up. This VW had a trunk that didn’t close quite right and you COULD NOT slam it down and latch it because if you did, then you couldn’t very easily get it open again. So before I could say anything, some one slams it down. Needless to say we were running late. We got to our first stop at the limb home. Of course, we couldn’t get the trunk open to get the stuff out for the person we were dropping off there before going on to DWA. Which was making us even more late.
Mot called me up from where the DWA class was and yelled at me over the phone for his student not being there on time and about how awful I was and that “I couldn’t lead anybody out of a paper bag.â€
Another incident I recall was when I was told to make posters for some event we had. There was one I thought was especially good, and I was told it had to go in a rather obscure location in a downstairs room. I jokingly said I thought it should have a better spot because it was so good. It was just an off-the-cuff pseudo-egotistical remark.
After the Advance, some of us Corps were in a restaurant “reviewing†the events of the Advance. The person in charge of organizing it, who had told me where to put the poster, made a point of soundly reproving me for what I had said about where I thought the poster should go and how it was so wrong for me say such a thing and yada yada yada. The tears just came and I couldn’t stop. I sat there and cried. No one said anything. It was just getting to be too damn much. Every time I turned around some one was yelling at me or reproving me. Everything I did was wrong.
That year, a few more things happened. One evening I came home, parked in the parking lot, and after I got out of the car, a guy approached me and said, “How are you doing?†Then he pulled a gun on me and demanded my purse. Well, did I rebuke him in the name of Jesus Christ? Did I boldly resist because of my believing? Uh,no. I gave him my purse. As he ran off I did yell, “There’s only $7 in there!†I went into the apartment and Jane called the cops. I had my glasses on my face, my keys in my hand and my MS license was coming in the mail. The guy got my make-up and the $7.
Later I almost got strangled to death one day when I was laying outside on a blanket reading a book. Some guy I didn’t know came up behind me, I felt his hands on the back of my neck and the next thing I knew this pressure on my neck got tighter and tighter and I could hardly breathe. I rolled around trying to fight him off and called out to Jane in the hopes she would hear me. I rebuked the guy in the name of Jesus Christ as much as I could yell. (Things do really move slower when something like that happens). The next thing I knew, he ran off and I looked down to see a rope with some of my hairs twisted in and around it. I went inside and told Jane what had just happened and she called the police. The same police officer showed up. He said to me, “You sure have your problems, don’t you?â€
I still remember the exact date of when this happened. And I sometimes think of how my life could have ended that day, but I've still had so many years of life since then. How close I came but it was GOD who save me that day!
One of my gold hoop earrings I was wearing disappeared during the struggle. (That will come into play later) Jane and I looked all over the grass for it and never found it.
Then the grand finale for the year. I went to see the movie Porky’s with “Rockheadâ€, a guy from our branch. When we came back, we were standing around outside the front door of the apartment. He asked, “Do you ever feel like leaving the Way?†As one friend to another I said, “Yeah, sometimes.†Wow, little did I realize where my little admission would lead me.
Next thing I know, while I was in the living room the next day making posters for some meeting coming up, Mot comes over. He looked at me all intensely and asked, “And how are you doing?†Then he asked me to “come see him†the next day. I literally did not sleep all night because I was dreading what I knew would be the confrontation coming up.
So I went over to Mot and Barq’s house to see Mot at the appointed time. He asked me into his office to sit down. He sat at his desk and I sat in front of him. And then he started in on me. Did I want to stay in the Way or didn’t I? Well, sometimes I didn’t, I said. He called me a liar because I had said I wanted to go WOW the next year and then I had said I didn’t. He said I wasn’t married because I couldn’t make a commitment. He said I thought the Way was just some organization that told me to go here and there. He said I was just living with a bunch of women and working at a “job I hated.†He accused me of being afraid of everything. And as for Buster, which he had found about, he said that if I went to him “It will be good for about 3 years and then he’ll kill you.†Oh and I had a lazy mind. That was another one.
I broke down and cried. Then Mot did a 180 degree turnabout. He came over and hugged me and comforted me and then walked me out to my car and told me how great I was. I felt all cleansed by the reproof that I so deserved. Now I was set straight again and I knew how wrong I had been. Rockhead later apologized for going to Mot to rat on me by telling him that I had said I wanted to leave TWI sometimes.
Right as the year was ending, an 11th corps guy that I knew, “Merkel Schmitvergenâ€, suddenly dropped by. He was driving a truck somewhere with some limb leaders’ stuff in it and stopped on the way. I had met him in Greenville when I first got there because he had been one of the WOWs there before he left to go into the 11th corps. I was one of his “spiritual partners.†We had a nice evening together. He told me he had always thought I was really pretty and even had my picture by his bed. WOW. Then he kissed me. When he left he said, “See you at Corps Week.†That gave me an uneasy feeling because I was thinking, “See you? Where? How?â€
So now to the end. (for this year) It was time to pack up and leave for Corps Week and the Rock. I was going WOW for my next “assignment.†Oh goody. I was driving there with Jiffy, Jammit’s husband. A bunch of us spent the night at Jiffy and Jammit’s house. I laid there on the floor and did not sleep a wink the whole night. By the time we were taking off, I was starting to lose it. Another episode was coming on, like the one on the way to Amarillo in 1974. I hadn’t flipped out since then and it was 1982.
We got to Corps Week and Jiffy was telling me I’d better figure out “where to put my stuff†and it was starting to rain. There was some canvas shelter that I wanted to put my stuff under and they let me but told me "I couldn't keep it there". And I was wondering if I’d see Merkel and if he’d want to see me and was this going to go anywhere since I was starting to like him.
To make a long story short, I was getting nuttier and nuttier. I was sitting in the audience at one of the meetings and I looked at "Rinse Minagain" who was sitting on the stage and I knew I just HAD to tell him about what I had just realized. God had showed me a vision of where I was REALLY supposed to go. I was supposed to go to Yellow Springs, OH (the town near HQ where I’d gone to college and where I first got witnessed to). And I would get people to come to HQ to go to the Sunday meetings in the auditorium and I would really move the Word there! So after the meeting I went back stage and there was "Jotty Mousehand" and I asked him if it was ok to see Rinse, and he shrugged and said sure why not. I thought WOW it’s not so hard to get in with the heavies. I found Rinse and I started telling him everything that I knew God had showed me. I was manic so I was talking really fast. For some reason I felt it was Rinse I was supposed to tell all this to. He told me to sit on a nearby golf cart and wait for him there. So I sat there on this golf cart and thought “Wow, now I’m one of the cool people who gets to sit in a golf cart†Then Rinse came back with Mot and "Pot Limb". We were still in one of the tents and they had me sit in a chair. The three of them stood over me and started in on the reproof. Pot asked me if I “wanted to be there out on the street.†Huh? Why would I? Pot asked me if I’d been “smoking dope.†I said I hadn’t smoked a joint since 1973. That seemed to be answer enough. Mot started reproving me for what a failure I’d been all year, and I said, “What about how I got Wayne in the class?†and he said “That was grace!â€
So then they took me up to some room and I was asked if I knew if there was a place I could go. I used the phone there and called my parents in CA to ask them if I could come home.
You know what’s funny? Nobody prayed for me or ministered to me. Here I was at Corps Week with ALL of the MOST SPIRITUAL people on the planet (I say that facetiously) in one place and not one of them thought to pray or minister to their wacked-out Corps sister. To them, I was worthless because I wasn’t together enough. I wasn’t worthy of being there. Some people say it didn’t get really bad until the 90’s? This was 1982. Maybe I wouldn’t have prayed or ministered either at that point if it was some one else needing it. I’m just saying that we were losing the ministry already by then.
Here we go again. Repeat of 1974. The crazy daughter returns. Someone booked a ticket and I had just enough to pay for it because I had my WOW money and some extra. Soon after that I was driven to the airport. I was sitting in the back seat of a station wagon, probably a ministry car. Jiffy (Jammit’s husband, the twig leader) was with us because he was probably “spiritually responsible.†I don’t remember who else, but around 4 or 5 other people were in the car, probably Bless Patrol, and I remember thinking that finally people recognized how important I really was, because, look, I was getting such an entourage to accompany me to the airport!
I had extra boxes to put on the plane and fortunately I had just enough to pay for them all. I had tried to reduce the amount of possessions I had when packing but I still had several boxes of stuff. This time I was gettin put on a plane to California and not a bus to Rochester.
So I got on the plane and flew home.
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act2
outandabout, I am speechless.
Please tell us more when you have time and feel like it.
Ok, I have my speech back.
:)-->
I am so saddened by all that you went thru in the name of God and "His Ministry".... I am so thankful that you have the ability with words to tell your story so eloquently.
Dont stop now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Scout Finch
Outandabout,
I can't believe what cold, heartless people you had to deal with. I am so sorry that all of those things happened to you.
Thanks for taking the time to tell this story. I am so looking forward to reading more so that I can hear some good things that happened post Way years.
What a couple of reptiles*, those two ordained creeps, Mot and Barq. You never mentioned that they had any offspring. They must have eaten them.
*my apologies to any nice reptiles. I just mean reptiles in the sense of cold blooded creatures that would consume their young or anyone elses if it would serve their purpose.
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A la prochaine
Outandabout,
Oh my...I have been reading for the past hour at least(I'm a slow reader) and I came to the end of page 2 and ahhhhhhhhhhhhh you haven't finished....
come back come back...i feel like i've lived your whole life in these few hours.
i so relate to you and your twi lifestyle.
i got into twi at 15 and lived 'on the streets' for years it seemed as well. moved 14 times in 7 years.
it must be very healing for you to write this. it's been healing for me to read it as well.
i want to know who hubby ended up being... i love a good love story.
Scout,
reptiles. hee hee
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outandabout
Oh thank you, to all of the above!
I will continue. That year in Jackson that I just wrote of was the worst (of my whole life) and it gets better after that.
Mot and Barq never had "offspring." "They must have eaten them." Ha ha LOL LOL
It is very healing to write of this, especially that particular time in MS.
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outandabout
A la:
I am very happy to know that it is healing for you as well.
Because it was so difficult to speak up for myself, it has been healing to speak up here.
After I got out, I would talk about it sometimes but recounting it in this way has helped me see it more.
I still wonder what I would do if I saw Mot or Barq again. There's still a part of my brain that thinks maybe they were right. We were so conditioned to be "subjected to the higher powers" as Vee Pee interpreted Romans 11.
Vee Pee taught from Romans 11 that the "higher powers" were the "gift ministries," i.e. the ordained clergy. Thus, many of us dared not to question them or defy them, because to do so was to disobey God himself.
This opened us up to abuse because the TWI clergy could say ANYTHING to us and many of us would assume they had to be right because they were "ordained of God."
It got to the point where it defied common sense.
Most normal people just don't treat other people that way. We were taught that the "unbelievers" were all out to lunch but normal people simply know how to be polite and considerate to others.
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Steve!
Well, o&a, just so you know, T*m and B*rb L*lly disappeared from the face of the earth once they left TWI.
As far as I know, they've not been in contact with anyone here at GSpot since leaving.
They packed their house and moved in the middle of the night and left no forwarding address.
I daresay they may realize the number of hearts they shattered.
Or perhaps their reasons for such utter isolation could be more mundane than that - no one here knows!
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A la prochaine
Outandabout,
They were right???
OK...I know it's tempting to think that way and I completely understand that state of mind because I was under that delusion as well.
BUT think for just one moment...
If you had seen someone is the same pain/anguish/torment you were in...would you for one millisecond think,"Oh, there's someone in need...I think I'll go over there and verbally abuse them! That will surely pick them up and make them feel like a million dollars. God, I'm good!"
I know for a fact that it would never in a lifetime cross your mind. Therefore, you were more christian-like than they'd ever hope to be in a millenium.
You were a good person ... they were not. Bottom line. They chose to do what they did. That's what makes them weak. You were the strong one. You never succumbed to the hardness they insisted you should have to be the nazi they expected you to be.
Applaud yourself Outandabout...you done good!
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Nottawayfer
OutandAbout,
Bless your heart. Reading your story just makes me want to hug you because I feel so bad for the way you were treated. I just can't imagine.
I'm laughing at myself though. Big dummy me! I was reading the names of the people you were referring to and thinking "what the hell kind of name is that?" I didn't realize they are disguised names until someone else mentioned the L Nazis. They sure were some big arseholes in my opinion.
I was involved in taking pictures for the stupid yearbook for the corps and staff when I was at HQ. Mot and Barq ;-) came over and I went over the spiel with them without standing for their clerginess. I went over the instruction of what they were supposed to do in my quick hurriedness because time was of the essence to get pictures for 450 adults and children. Mot started acting ....y with me because I wasn't recognizing his holiness....I blew him off! They used to come in to the department I worked in acting like they had the biggest priority EVER!!! Their priority was their cowtowing to the big forehead and his deadlines....whatever.....I wonder what they think now. They are the weak ones. They don't even have enough balls to show their faces to anyone after they left. It really shows their true colors: they were in it to kiss the MOGs arse. Power is their greed.
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outandabout
Steve!, yes I knew of their departure. Circa 2000 sometime, right?
Maybe they do know about the hearts they stomped on. I don't think mine was the only one. Then maybe not. I've wondered about that. They weren't totally "monsters." But their moments of niceness were followed by acts of arrogance and heard heartedness.
There were more incidents than I recounted. My room mate who split out wasn't the only one who disappeared. Others were kicked out. Their rules for the mens' Way Home was that the guys had to be either witnessing or working.
And they would threaten to "kick people out of the area." One guy they said that to was FROM the area! Like they were going to kick him out his home town?
Oh well.
And A la, I only think that way sometimes because of the remnants of what Waybrain still lurks in the back of my brain. Sharing here has helped and what people have shared here has helped.
And Wayfer not, that's funny you didn't get the names at first!
:D-->
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Belle
O&A, I, too, am speechless! Thank you for sharing and it IS healing to read your story.
I know it's a very happy ending, and I am eagerly looking forward to the next installment.
:)-->
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outandabout
Yeah, Belle, really? WOW, thanks!
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rascal
O & A ...My heart breaks for what you have endured.
I am so glad that you God saw you through the darkness......
I agree with Bell, thanks for sharing your story, it is healing to read....and remember.
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Belle
Very much so, O&A!
:)--> And, like Rascal, I, too, am so glad that you made it out! Your family must be so relieved and happy to have you back 100% and in a place where you are and will be loved and taken care of.
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excathedra
outandabout, you are one of the coolest people on here. i am so glad to get to "know" you better. thanks.
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vickles
I agree with everyone here. Its been really great reading your experiences. You have great writing skills. You have written it so well and simply.
I am eagerly waiting to hear how you got out, and who you ended up marrying. I'm wondering if its the guy who you met on the field and didn't take the class.
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A la prochaine
Outandabout,
Still waiting ...
the suspense is killing me!!!
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outandabout
I'll be baaaaaack
;)-->
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