L.E.A.D. For those who don't know, was a class taken as part of The Way Corps cirriculum. LEAD the acronym stands for Leadership, Education, Adventure, and Direction. It was a program designed to be like "Outward Bound," a popular Christian based outdoors adventure program which challenged people to stretch their physical limits and have a singularly personal experience with God in a nature setting. The goal was to enhance a personal relationship with Christ.
The LEAD Outdoor Academy was TWI's answer to the same. The LEAD Staff was located in Tinnie, New Mexico and made up of people who had skills interest and training in "outdoor stuff" like camping, survival skills, rock climbing, etc. Donnie Smith, Rev. Donnie Smith was the Corps Coordinator at LEAD, a real Grizzly Adams lookin' kinda guy. I liked him, he was always cool to me & others whenever I saw him. The LEAD Home was a Corps Training location, the 5th of five that the Corps would rotate to, especially during year four, the final year.
LEAD 104 was, as the title suggests, the 104th group to, as we used to say, "go LEAD." The program was basically 10 days; a day & 1/2 to get there seven days in the wilderness and a day & 1/2 to get back to the campus.
36hrs and rides to get there was sort like a mantra that Dave B. one of the WCC's at Emporia would use to help motivate us to hitchhike the miles from Emporia, KS to Tinne, NM. The program "required" that we hitchhike in teams of two or three on a predetermined route from campus to campus. The groups were either one guy & a gal or two gals & a guy. They told us for "safety purposes" their would always be a guy with every girl. We were given the 36 hours to get to the pickup spot in Tinnie, a $10 bill for each person (so as to not be stopped by police as a vagrant) and a sack lunch which had "enough" food for the 36hrs.
LEAD was "an adventure in believing," we were told as we were to hitchhike accross the country in a certain amount of time and come back with the $10. If you didn't make it to Tinnie in the specified time the LEAD staff was instructed to feed you and send you right back to the campus you came from.
The trip itself was quite an extreme experience in and of itself and an interesting story. Maybe later.
The accident happened when we were on our way AFTER the LEAD experience to be dropped off for the hitchhike "home" to the campus.
LEAD 104 was the first group to go out of Emporia that year, the 11th Corps graduating year and 13th Corps first in-residence year.
My journal reads:
October 5/82
I'm going LEAD! Again! I'm blessed to be going so soon, in the pacesetting group - Now is the time for me to really break through...
The installation has happened (August '82) I was one of only three full time photographers covering the events. Frank Cardullo was the fourth. It was great working with those guys... I felt like "less than the least" of photographers yet there I was, right up front with some of the best. Frank, David Savatteri, Bill Pancoast and myself. Seems like yesterday, we were shooting one of the biggest events in ministry history, now here I am about to go LEAD.
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I had spent about 35hrs & 10 min on the road with my partner Esther Cabrerra. Ester is a cute Colombian born little 13th Corps girl who, on our trip was hungry, like ALL of the time and constantly had to go to the bathroom! Drove me a little bit crazy but overall we had a goof trip. I liked Esther, she was cool. We were among the last ones to get there though, whew! We made it.
After we all got there we had our first meeting with Donnie and the staff that would be taking us out on the session. This time Donnie's younger brother Kevin was leading the session but Donnie ran the opening meeting.
Donnie told us that we were a "special" group. While we were thinking something like Yeah! Pacesetters, first out of the blocks & crap like that Donnie said, "... but not for the reasons you're probably thinking...." He went on to tell us how he was told were were all "hand-picked" for this session. Reason being that the line on all of us was that we were all "recommended" that we probably shouldn't have been allowed back in residence after our interim year. The 13th among us were considered to be "weaker."
What had been a happy, jubilant group of tired giddy people turned into a really serious, somber, even angry bunch. Donnie kept talking, sayinghow he knew quite a few of us personally and couldn't see why any of those he knew were considered "weak."
Continuing on he said that this crap didn't surprise him cause it happened a lot. He said he was told to challenge us & see who would "break." "I'm gonna challenge you all right, but not to break you. You gonna show 'em how LEAD 104 is not just a bunch of misfits, or "weak." We'll show them how you are among the BEST the 11th & 13th have to offer. He said how this dang ....ed him off.
Because of that he came up with a theme cheer for us. We sat around the campfire circle and with flames flickering lighting our faces he said. "Repeat after me....
quote:My arms and my legs are like steel,
My hands are like vice grips,
My feet are like hinds feet,
And my mind is like Christ's.
AND.
I can do ALL things!
LEAD 104!!!!
GRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!
He had us say it over and over, WITH ENTHUSIASM! Emphasize THESE words, say it LOUDER! GROWL like you MEAN it!!! He had us going like a foobal team before they take the field. At first I was sayin' to myself.
"I'm not sayin' that. Sounds pretty stupid to me." He kept saying stuff like, "You gonna let them say you're weak? YOU'RE not WEAK. you're not the WORST, you're the best!" Show 'em Show 'em NOW! LOUDER! Make the trees shake!"
I guess we showed 'em. We had a really great session. We were LOUD, rowdy, got in trouble together, excelled in some stuff together. Rooted like crazy for small girls (like Rochelle) to get up some crazy mad climbs.
Donnie said they had to do experimental stuff on us like adding extra days, hiking longer than they ever did, beign the first session ever to go on the opposite side of the mountain, climb climbs the staff had not even rated yet, etc. We hiked to the summit of Mt. Sunset from the opposite side of the mountain in full packs, stuff like that. We got to name the climbs in honor of our being the first LEAD group to climb them.
During the session whenever we'd say LEAD 104 someone would say "GROWL when you say that mister!" Then we'd say our theme like the three stooges did the "Niagra Falls" thing. We had more fun than a barrel of Corps monkeys.
I always hated how TWI always had to do "the same thing only different."
JUST BECAUSE Outward Bound and other similar programs called the end of their sessions time to reflect on the experience "solo's" LCM said we HAD to call our's "DUO's."
We're not out there solo, its a DUO cause its you AND God, you're not alone! I was like "shut UP Craig. That's stupid, no matter how you look at it you are ALONE, solo with God...idiot."
At any rate Kevin had told us that our LEAD evaluations would be longer during OUR Duo's than usual because they were instructed to discuss this BS w/ us concerning our future w/The Corps. The did the evals in alphabetical order, I was last. Kevin came by and asked me, since they already knew me, etc., if it was OK w/ me, (since the evals were going even longer than expected) that we could do my eval in the truck on the way to be dropped of tomorrow.
It turned out that way. My eval wasn't done & we had packed up to leave. We headed out for the road in two trucks. Each truck had about 15 people in it. Our truck was a big Ford Pickup. We were pulling a trailer that the LEAD staff had built out of wood framing and aluminum siding. It was about the size of a small U-Haul and had all of the luggage, back-packs & sack lunches for the 30 of us in LEAD 104.
Grrrrr.....
We loaded 13 people in the bed of the pickup. Kevin & I sat up front and aonther girl, sat on my lap as we rode away. When we got to a doing the evaluation Kevin asked the girl if she could hop in the back w/the other folks. The other truck followed behind us as we went down the road again.
Yesterday while we were driving toward Tinnie to be let out for the trip home disaster struck.
Kevin & I were in the cab of the white pickup riding along at highway speeds going over my LEAD evealuation. Kevin was driving and he was holding the eval form across the steering wheel with his hands at 3'oclock and 9'oclock, so he could read it. As he looked up & down at the road & then at the form asking questions we both noticed that he was having a little trouble keeping the truck going straight down the road.
The wind seemed to pick up & it was a gusting crosswind. I kinda hesitated to answer the questions and at one point we both sorta looked at each other like... "This is pretty dangerous." I remember looking down at the seat between us as Kevin took the form and placed it down. The instant he looked away from the road the truck started heading off the road onto the right shoulder.
Kevin started to take corrective action. (He pulled the truck to the right until all the wheels on the right side of the truck were in the gravel shoulder, including the trailer. We were bouncing but not ot badly.) Then we started to lose it. When he turned to the left to get the truck back all the way on the road the truck bounced violently.
It seemed like when the trailer came back up onto the road it bounced up and to the left pulling the rear of the truck fishtailing it to the left with it. Kevin did a counter-steer to the left to correct the skid without hitting the brakes. We were still going about 50mph at this point.
Then the truck whipped violently fishtailing now to the right. I remember thinking how rough it was but I never though we would CRASH!!! Right into a ditch on the opposite (left) side of the road. We drove right off the left side of the road into what had been open countryside. When I looked up out the windshield, I saw the ditch approaching then realized we were going to have a BAD accident.
Everything was like slow motion in the movies. We smashed into the ditch and Kevin & I both flew foreward shattering the windshield with our heads upon impact. I remember growling "NNOOOOOOO GGGGOOOOOOOOODDDDDDDDDD!!!!!" as glass splashed everwhere hitting me in my face, going in my mouth, ears, everywhere; never squeezed my eyes shut so tight in my life.
Slow motion banging, that ugly "car chrash!" sound, helplessly bouncing like a rag doll, screams, shouting in a slow motion fade to black.
My mind fades up from black to a chorus of moans and crying and shouting. I looked over at Kevin; he was bleeding from his head and hands. I turned to my right and started yanking on the door to get out. Things were back to normal speed now.
"open the door! OPEN the DOOR!" Kevin yelled to someone I couldn't see. My door was trapped by the ditch. We were actually tipped onto the right side of the truck and it was hanging, stuck in the ditch like you'd stick a knife in the ground. All I could see out my window was ground and a small strip of daylight at the top. The cab of the truck was so severly smashed, we couldn't get out the front or the back windows.
Open the window! Another voice from the outside. I though maybe we were trapped but Kevin cranked down his window and we scampered out.
I followed Kevin an went in the opposite direction as he. The first person I saw was Rochel*e Wajhnb##g (;)--> 'Wolf). She had cuts in her head and he har sheared away and blood flowing down her face and hands as she sat, moaning and rocking, moaning and rocking holding her hands on her head.
There was moaning from every direction. I wheeled around and Looked right into Stephen Spielb@rgs bloody face. Then I froze and slowly panned the whole scene. My heart wanted to weep and sob SOOOO badly! Thought of personal guilt FLOODED my mind. There was NO time....No time for that.
I bounded around the back of the truck and began to check injuries. There were people from the other truck pulling others out of the bed who were stuffed and stacked on top of each other in the corner up against the back of the cab. I looked down into the bed, there was Jo Phe!ffer stuufed in to the corner. Still I couldn't BELIEVE this was HAPPENING.
Nancy was to my left with crying with blood all over her face, her teeth were bashed in so far you could hardly see them, looked like they were gone. AGAIN my mind wanted to freak.
and hooked under Jo's arms. Pulling I began yelling for help to get her out and then went to check Na^cy. Then I went to Don Juan; he was moaning loudly and bleeding from his hand and face. He cried out, "Helllp!" and I took his hand saying,
"I'm here bro, just breathe, slow & deep. Breathe, slow & deep, Don't try to move..."
Don Juan was in a LOT of pain, his hip was somewhat contorted and he said his left shoulder was out of joint. While comforting him again, Isurveyed the scene. It was gruesome. There were bleeding people and small puddles of blood scattered all around me. In the midst of all the hustle and bustle and moaning and crying I sorta faded into myself. The noise and movements all became muffled and slow motion again and I almost broke and wept - - again.
Just then Steve said, "Don't worry. I'm not as bad as I look." he - looked - HORRIBLE. His face was streaked with blood like something out of a cheap horror movie. Thoughts of the BLOOD, broken bones, the twisted remains of the truck and shattered trailer, luggage, backpacks, and those ever present SACK LUNCHES(damn those things) converged on me and I felt my sanity slipping away. Steve's remark kinda made me laugh. He looked REALLY bad but he had this stupid SMILE on his face! The laughing snapped me back to reality.
I turned my attention back to Don Juan. "Squeeze my hand, man." I told him to take his mind off the pain. He pleaded not to be moved, he thought he was sliding down the hill even though he was laying still. I did my best to distract him and focus his mind to keep him stable.
By now several more paramedic busses had arrived. I flagged some over and they strapped Don Juan on a body board to move him. I got out of their way and went around from person to person checking the extent of injuries, looking for broken bones concussions & the like.
I had SCREAMED at paramedics, the first ones to arrive to take Rochelle. There had been so much activity. 13 people in various states of injury, so much running around that the first paramedic unit to leave w/ Rochelle in it had kinda wrecked into the second LEAD truck pulling out. They just powered past it and zoomed away full lights & sirens.
When I was checking Rochelle, she was holding her hands on her head, rocking & crying. "Rochelle, move your hands out of the way, I HAVE to check your head." I told her.
"Nooooooo." she said, "Ohhhh Nooooo!" She was always sooo stubborn.
"ROCHELLE - - LET me SEE your HEAD!" I said a wee bit sternly. I have to check so I can tell the paramedics who's hurt the worst. Come on honey, let me see it. This is ME, let me see it ok?"
She nodded. and I began to gently move her hands away. The skin on her head moved with her hands. I saw what I thought was her skull inside the slice. "WHAT hit you? I said. She pointed and said I think that thing hit me." It was a piece of the aluminum siding laying near her with some blood on it. That thing had literally scalped her about half of the top of her head, she was holding it together with her hands.
I SCREAMED. "MEEDDDDDDDDDIIIIIIIIICCCCC! MEDIC! GET a medic OVER HERE - - - NOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWW!!!!!"
Paramedics started carting people off into the ambulances then Donnie and people from the LEAD lodge arrived. (This was pre cellphone days.)
After a short while we got everybody everybody into ambulances and cleared most of the luggage away then Donnie told us that could walk to go back to the lEAD lodge. I went back to the other truck to get all belongingd, etc. then grabbed some sack suppers & left in the truck.
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Of the 16 people in the truck, 14 were riding in the pickup bed. They were having fun cracking jokes & stuff. Someone had just told the punchline of a joke when he hit the ravine. They had just burst into laughter moments before the truck hit the solid wall of earth and went from about 45-50 mph to zero in an instant. The truck went downward, twisting to its left while tipping foreward.
This made some people scrunch together in the right front corner of the pickup bed.
The trailer flipped up like a slingshot. Up over and foreward. Some people were catapaulted out of the truck, those that weren't scrunched. The trailer missed EVERYONE and hit the back of the cab, exploding on impact.
There were people, luggage, backpacks & sack suppers splashed over the area. Fractions of seconds was the difference that saved MANY lives. One guy had actually been thrown from the truck, flipped over in mid air, hit the ground in a foreward roll position and landed on his feet! Some had a few cuts & scratches. others broken bones. We felt it was miraculous that the trailer didn't impact on snybody. Pieces of it cut people flying by them.
This is the FIRST time since the accident that I've shared the whole story with anyone. I actually never read the entire pieces from my journal either.
I was up all night posting that stuff. Once I got into the flow I felt I should go with it.
It was incredibly painful for me. I spent a good part of the day crying, connecting with the whole thing like that was hard.
was pretty solumn. Gl@nn Edm%nson was sitting across from me. He looked me right in the eye and said with his slightly southern accent,
"This will be a great victory for us."
I nodded. Hee reached out his hand & I took it with a firm 'CLAP' as our hands met. He took J@ne C*ssab@n's hand and I took my hitchin' partner Esth@r Cabr@rra's. We just held hands for a few seconds that seemed like 'forever.' We, together, felt a few moments of unity and "the peace of God." There wasn't a whole lot that could be said, we didn't say much. I felt that since I was in the center of the accident, that I should step up and "be there" for everybody else whether they were in the truck that wrecked or not.
When we got back to the lodge, "coincidentally," Art P@ling and Ell!e W!lson were there. They had some ministry related reason for being there, Art was head of Way Builders and Ell!e was deep into health and nutrition stuff. I figured why the were there had to have something to do with that but, didn't care. I was happy to see THEM of all people.
Art is a big, soft spoken, teddy bear kinda guy & Ell!e was a good friend. I'd spent a lot of time w/ Ell!e & husband J.Fr@d at their home in New Knoxville. It was comforting to see them in particular because I knew they wouldn't "beat us down" w/ "believing" BS like so many would do in situations like this.
Art gently but firmly took control of the entire situation. We went to work, doing miscellaneous things & stuff around the lodge. "Might as well" Art said, "Sittin' around here looking at each other helplessly isn't gonna help anybody."
We 11th, really felt we had to keep it together, for each other, for the 13th, and especially for our "walking wounded" and those in the hospitals. We prayed and went to work trying our best to be our normal, wild a$$ selves.
Anybody who knows the 11th knows we were a really roudy, racous bunch. We'd be LOUD, out of control (in a fun way) but pull it together when it mattered. It REALLY mattered now. We felt that we could give the finger to Satan by returning to how we really were, now in the midst of this tragedy.
I was working on a crew sanding the deck outside the lodge. We were singing and laughing and joking almost like we'd normally do but there was definitely a tension in the air.
At one point I was sanding to the beat of whatever stupid song (we had a stupid blast singing those stupid songs in residence). We embraced them and made em sound as stupid as we could.
Anyways, I felt really weak, weaker and weaker as time passed. This wasn't more than an hour or so after the crash. ANd my sanding slowed, slower & slower & slower. I started feeling overwhelmed by responsibility. It hurt. My whole countenance wound down like a wind up toy slows.
I was fighting tears... losing. They would overflow my eyes and drip drop onto the deck. All of life started slowing down, the noise faded into a soft, slow amalgamated murmur. I watched the tears I could wipe away fast enough fall, all the way to the deck as if from a rooftop all the way to the ground.
Plop! They would splash, I could hear them hitting the deck, wiping my eyes, my face; sniffling. Pushing this stupid piece of sandpaper wrapped around this wood.
Gl@nn Edm#nson walked up & kneeled next to me. "Maybe you should lay down for a while man..." He said.
Laying down was the LAST thing I wanted to do. When I wasn't concentrating all those images; the blood puddles, the crying, et al. overwhelmed me. I didn't want to be by myself. My mind kept flashing back to the scene of the blood & the bodies strewn all over. I wouldn't go lay down, refused to.
After a little more sanding with an almost hapless amount of strength. Art P@ling "ordered" me to lay down. He went and found a place for me to go. When he came back I pushed back. I didn't want to GO. I didn't want to CRY. I wanted to keep it together and stay together w/ my Corps Brothers & sisters. I felt I HAD to! I felt THEY needed me. My mind kept telling me stuff like that.
Art insisted I go and lay down. "If they need you, you need to take some time for yourself, to get yourself put back together, so you can have some of yourself left over to give them." he said.
I excused myself from the work crew. Art extended his hand, helped to get up and walked with me to where I laid down.
to a quiet room away from everything. They both offered their continued prayers for me and, "whatever help I can be to you...."
They both had a very great look of concern on their faces, it really melted me. I assurred them, however that, "I'm more upset about what happened than injured ..." They gave me a sincere bit of a pet talk and the last thing Ell!e sad to me was,
"...and don't be afraid to cry." She walked out and I burst in to tears. I lay down and soon fell off into a pretty restful sleep.
Later Ell!e came in to check on me. She sat down and asked me what kinds of things was I thinking about. I told her of how I felt kinda responsible for what had happened. She immediately almost snapped it at me but firmly said, "But you're not."
"I know that, but I've still had to fight those thoughts." I said.
"Well." said she, "You've had quite a shock to your system. It hurts the mind a lot to see so many people you love hurt so badly."
It did. It hurt terribly. Again the images from the scene. Flashbacks, Spielberg's bloody smile, Rochelle's hands moving revealing her skull, the sounds; it all crashed into my head in waves like at the ocean.
I nodded my head in agreement. Then more tears streamed down my face as my head hung low. Through the sniffles I told her how I knew inside that I wasn't responsible, really, and the rest I was getting was helping me to deal with it & put the right thoughts into my mind.
"Good." she said. Then after asking me if I felt I was ready to talk about some serious stuff. When I agreed she went into telling me some things she felt she knew about me, my life spiritually and how I had some sort of "special" call of God on me. She said she "felt" it when she got here about all of us involved in the wreck.
"Satan wanted to snuff you out, as many of you as he could."
I was like whoa. Pull up. She said she could "just feel it" that there was more to this particular accident than meets the eye. She asked me about the session, if there was anything wierd or whatever about it. I told her about the "weaker link" crap. "You're not ready to be Corps," BS that was said & how the LEAD staff was told to push us & break us & how this session was supposed to me "make it or break it" time for those of us on the session.
Ell!e was the one who slapped me with this logic. "WHO are 'they' to say the YOU are not ready to go BACK to a job you've already done and excelled in. Think about that." she said. I know you I know what you're capable of. I knw what you've already done for God. If I was the devil, I'd try to kill you too. We need people like you around HQ. I don't know all of the kids in that truck but its a really good bet that most if not all of you are not the weakest of the Corps, I'd bet you're among the strongest.
I agreed with that. When we were back at the campfire on Day One of the session & Donnie said something similar, I looked around at the group. I wish I had written all of their names in my journal, honestly, none of them would have made my "weakest link" list. Certainly not me!
breakfast of granola & hot apple cider with people scurrying around for the trip home. We still didn't have all the details but it was something about Craig Martindale coming from HQ to bring us home. They told us to be ready to start the process of leaving at 7:am.
My "invalids and other sick folk" as I called them were sitting around the table when Craig walked in and sat - directly accross the table from me. He was doing som miscellaneous stuff when W@yne S@ars
(The full extent of W#yne's injuries was about four stitches on one of his fingers. He told me of how, right at the point of impact somebody had just hit the punchline of some really funny joke. He said, "One second I was busting out laughing, the next I was flying through the air like Superman. I saw the ground coming up at my face and said, OH, SH!T!!!! Closed my eyes & felt myself flip over, hit the ground and roll and land on my feet! My FINGER was bleeding, but I dunno how!)
...asked him (LCM) a question. That got him started. Many words and minutes flew by, there he was Pres. of TWI sitting with us "sharing" all this stuff.
I wondered, thinking, he has found his "richest prize, Eyes that open and hearts that ask." At the time I felt "privileged" that he was spending time with us. He went on and on about "principle" and having it ingrained in a man's life and some detail of how to see it. This turned into an expose on "whats happening" around the campuses, tings like the Govenor of Kansas' visit to Emporia and the Kansas Board of Regents visting the campus. He said how impressed they were with our campus, etc. and their comments about it. This, that & the other thing. He droned on and on. Eventually he spoke of how Don Wierwille's educational philosophy is as unique to the world of Education as Dr.VPW's is to the world of Biblical research.
It was like this beautiful music was playing then the record scratched.......>werereetpbt!"
At that point he lost my attention, probably everyone else's too cause he wrapped up soon after that, excused himself & said he was gonna go eat a breakfast that, "could choke a horse."
quote: He really said that folks. That "unique Educational philosophy" crap. I can't believe it either! It IS in my journal. It its mY handwriting
we all dove into our sack lunches (again the SACK lunch!) at least these were better than your average WC sack lunch, and Craig led some singing of more of these wierd songs. He told some of his jokes too. He manages to come up with some new ones regularly; I don't know WHERE he he gets such stupid stuff. Some of it is actually clever though.
At first I thought it was great the way he made sure we were occupied so that we didn't see the crash site as we drove by it. I wanted to see it though. I felt a little leery of the first part of the bus ride. So I'm wondering if it was probably not the best idea to see the site of the crash.
I still wanted to though; I wanted to see it. I felt I NEEDED to see it to add a measure of reality to the waves of images that keep crashing into my mind. By now, days later, it seems more like a nightmare, a horror movie of an experience, than an actual thing that really happened.
We had stayed at the lodge until getting the OK for some of the more critically injured to get the release to travel back. Most hospitalized were treated and released from emergency rooms. We didn't get to see the ones who were really hurt bad, we didn't get to visit them in the hospital. I was having trouble processing the whole thing without seeing stuff.
It was exciting for us all that Craig brought Ambassador One to fly us back to Emporia. The thought of hitchhiking back actually crossed my mind at one point.......NAW! They better NOT do that to us! It was exciting & all that. It was kinda cool to be able to say we spent some time w/ Craig, but I really wanted, needed to go back to the site. I wanted to look at it. See the truck, touch it, climb around on it. I wanted to mourn the injuries THERE at the spot where it happened.
More importantly. I wanted to stand there at the spot where we crashed and PRAY. Pray to God for quick recoveries, restored wholeness to fallen friends, mental soundness. I wanted to see that ravine that swallowed up our lives that day & spit us out so violently. I wanted to stand there, on the very spot and claim the VICTORY my buddy Gl@n spoke of.
I was SO glad that Donnie told us what "they" thought of us. It was SO great that Kevin and he and the others ran LEAD 104 (Grrrr... "Growl when you say that buddy.") with an in your FACE!!!! attitude.
I wanted to stand. On the VERY SPOT where the devil tried to KILL me; and my friends and SCREAM, at the TOP of my lungs, scream at the devil, all of us - - together, with attitude now:
The Ambassador One flight crew treated us like dignitaries, heroes or something. I remember people at the airport looking at us like "what the hey?" Who ARE these people?
People on crutches, arms in slings, heads wrapped, other bandages, etc. Even boarding the plane was a "thing." They played an in flight movie, people shared on the microphone about the LEAD session. It was cool. I declined the chance to speak & let others talk about it, mainly because I was writing in this journal. Craig talked but I honestly don't remember a word he said.
We cheered when Fr@nk Card%llo, the Amb1 pilot announced were doing a fly-by, circling the campus at Emporia. He tipped the wings of the plane so we could see there were people out on the grounds waving at the plane. I cried - again. Earlier that morning we were in that far away, stange land, Twighlight Zone. Now we're circling above the 40 acres, our "home" for now, The Way College of Emporia.
We landed super smoothly on Kansas soil and there was an entourage and caravan from the college waiting. They gave us a standing ovation as we disembarked. It was heartwarming. At the campus they had all of the Corps, Staff & College Division line the circle drive to welcome us home like heroes. That was nice too.
I didn't feel like no stinking hero. I shook a few hands, gave and received a few hugs, went and collapsed on my bed in my room. We were given the rest of the day off. I slept most of it.
Craig "shared" about the accident during the announcements. I was sitting way in the back across the lunchroom from the head table.
Craig went on and on about it then said something to the effect of what happened to cause the crash. I perked up to hear what he had to say about it seeing as I knew that Kevin and I were the only ones who really knew what happened. He said something about the wind. "There were two sudden, simultaneously powerful gusts of wind. One from the left then another from the right that picked up the trailer and swung it around one way then immediately back the other way. The trailer pulled the truck to one side. When the driver tried to correct the skid, he overcorrected and the truck went off the road and crashed into a ravine...."
I didn't hear another word he said after that and forgot everything he said prior to it. I was already hating him on the one hand for causing us to miss seeing the crash site. I was listening to him for some closure. I guess I thought he'd somehow give us some validation or vindication about it. He had led up to this big spiritual conclusion about how the devil had attacked us and was trying to destroy the Corps program, using LEAD to do it.
He was back on his "principle" and "hit us where we were vulnerable" rant. I was incensed. We LEAD 104 guys knew we WERE heroes. We had sucessfully faced the single biggest disaster in the history of TWI. We felt that God's hand of protection WAS on us, especially in light of what Kevin & I knew was OBVIOUSLY a MAJOR mistake. Fractions of inches, split seconds & stuff like that saved people's lives.
The instant the crash occurred, MY 11th & 13th Corps brothers & sisters turned the tragedy into one of the finest rescue operations you'll ever see. It went like clockwork. While I was there, struggling to retain my sanity, there was at least one of the WEAKEST of the Corps PRAYING and comforting EVERY injured person.
WE scrambled to aid the paramedics. Every time ANYBODY said go here, grab this, help with that peopl were on it like flies on excrement. It was great. That day LEAD 104 lived up to an exceeded EVERY lofty ideal ever spoken about The Way Corps. There could have been mass confusion and hysteria but NOBODY freaked out even the people in intense pain were calm and cooperative. No cussing, no arguing, no nothing but true and sincere caring for one another.
I felt, "Who in the, blankety, blank, blank, BlankBlank, blank does he think he IS? How could he possibly know that?" Then he said that the people in the traing truck had told they saw the trailer bouncing and whipping the truck around like a rag doll.
I was incensed.
It seemed like a million people asked, "what happened? Was it like Craig said?"
I actually found myself going along with that "super wind from hell" story for a while. I had to put together a very edited version of what happened to tell people anyways. Just the though of repeating it over and over and over and over tore away at my brain. I couldn't believe he said that, but part of me kinda believed it 'cause I kinda convinced myself that Kevin & I ddidn't know what had actually happened.
It DID seem strange that when he tried to bring the truck back on the road, it seemed like all hell broke loose all of a sudden. Then we were staring at a wall of dirt and in an instant flying into the windshield.
At this point I hated Craig for what he said. Not that I wanted any notariety for being in the front seat, having "the best seat in the house" at such a huge thing. I did think I was more qualified to tell people what happened there than Craig. Didn't like it that I didn't speak up more. By now I was in a LOT of pain. I could hardly sit, it hurt like hell to lay down. The pain was so bad I couldn't sleep. I was having flashbacks when I was awake. I couldn't stay awake in class, where sitting was uncomfortable anyways.
He turned it into another "Craig thing." He made himself the authority about it never having spoken to me about it. I don't know if he talked to Kevin. By now I just wanted it to be OVER.
I was being facetious about Sue. She's one of the sweetest of our whole roudy a$$ bunch.
--------------------------
At the scene they asked everyone in great detail about what injuries that had. They tried to get me to go to the hospital, I refused to go. I really didn't think I was hurt, just banged up. I played football in High School, I was a rough, tough wrestler too. "Playing through pain" is part of how I've been brainwashed since I was a little kid. I had no broken bones, just a few cuts, none that required stitches even.
It did take three days to get the broken windshield glass out of my hair - even after showering and scrubbing. Some sweet corps sistahs sat me down & picked it out for me.
It was upsetting to me how we didn't get to go to the hospital to visit people in Tinnie. Craig went. He reported to us his POV on how ther were doing. I wanted to look them in the eyes - apologise, hug them, cry with them. Pump em up - - whatever. All we got to do was sit around the LEAD lodge for a couple of days. Those who could did some work around the lodge. I got a big rock or a piece of a log, maybe it was. Whatever it was I cleaned it up and calligraphed our LEAD 104 theme on it.
My arms and my legs are like steel,
My hands are like vice grips,
My feet are like hind's feet,
And my mind is like Christ's.
I CAN do ALL things!
LEAD 104 (GRRRRRRRrrrr....)
We presented it to Donnie & the LEAD Staff to memorialize the session.
when the block changed. Didn't like that either, I wanted to stay together w/the injured 104'ers. Lost track of them changing blocks. Not too long into the block. Joe Pascarelli poked me in the hip, like "doink!"
I was having real trouble by now sitting on soft seats, so during twig one night I was sitting on the arm of a big easy chair. Joe was sitting in the chair when he poked me. I nearly jumped through the ceiling with the pain.
When I finally landed Joe said, "Your hip is out of joint."
"What?"
Joe had been a Chiropractic assistant in a prior life. He told me that he poked me "right there" to see if I would jump. When I did he said he was 100% sure my hip was dislocated and I'd better get my butt to a Chiropractor, like right now.
I got it cleared to go & TWI said they'd pick up the bill cause it was related to the accident. The Chiropractor, after his exam and x-rays told me that:
1. My spine which normally has five curves now had only three.
2. My atlas bone at the top of my neck was dislocated. (In other words, my head wasn't on straight.)
3. My left hip was 6mm out of the socket.
4. Right hip, 1mm out of socket.
5. My left shoulder was dislocated also.
6. Overall my spine had been compacted 150 mm.
Where I was about 5'9," I was now 5'5 1/4."
He asked me what had happened to me. I told him about the accident. Based on the injuries, he told me that I had recieved a blow of about 5000lbs per sqare inch. My spine had stretched way out like a rubber band and snapped back and stuck in the position it was in, hunched foreward and bent to my left.
"That blow should have killed you." I've seen many other corpses who died of blows much less than this. This is incredible" he said.
"A miracle maybe?" I said.
He said he didn't know about a miracle, he had a son about my age and he would take care of me the way he would want to have his own son taken care of if he were as far from home as me.
I figured THAT itself was a miracle.
That started a rehab process for my back, neck, hips and shoulder that took over 10 years and cost somewhere around $30,000.
I spent that year bouncing to every campus location, each block, different campus. Changing campuses, meant changing Chiropractors, changing chiropractors meant having my records transferred from state to state, having my records transferred meant explaining why I was moving to the Dr. Each Dr. thought it was wrong for them to move me because I was in real need of continuity of treatment. Each Dr. also wanted to finish the process and see me rehabilitated, healed from such a horrible injury.
I was left to do all the explaining, all of the searching for another chiropractor who would continue my treatments in a fashion compatable with the prior one. The only saving grace for me & TWI in the eyes of the Dr.s was that TWI was footing the bills. The Chiropractor in Gunnison was the hardest to leave, he really cared for me as a human being, like a son.
Ilearned a lot about the human body from those guys. Even some spiritaul stuff about healing & touch. Like I switched from this Dr. Todd Spieles in Minster, Oh. I could tell from the way his hands felt on my back that he didn't like me. After being handled with such great care from Dr. Coblentz in Gunnison and Dr. Cox in Rome City. The comparison was obvious. A little wierd but I could "just feel" it. His hands felt "cold" even when he rubbed warm oil on me.
At the end of that inresidence year I was being nazied out of the corps. Same BS as lots of others. People would disappear on an almost weekly basis, as if an ugly LOA monster had eaten them while we all slept.
Coincidentally, Don Wierwille was at Emporia for his regular visit doing ministry business the same day John Lynn had called me in telling me "The decision has been made that it is best for you and the ministry that you go LOA."
I didn't think so. He chided me for "always being so argumentative." I argued & pushed back stronger. He switched up his tactic and told me, "Look, Howard. Lots of people go LOA all the time, its just a few months for you, you can come back in residence with the 12th Corps and you'll surely be one of the tip top guys in that group."
I looked him square in the eyes. Hesitated. Took a deep breath and said. "Ok...."
John smiled. I continued, "If in a couple of months I'll be AT the tip top of the 12th Corps guys I must be at least somewhere NEAR to top of the 11th Corps NOW. RIGHT???"
His smile turned to a fierce glare and he said, "YOU, are outta here." in that snarly JAL style of his. Just tell us where you're going...by tomorrow. Come by my office tomorrow morning by 10 and tell me where you're going." He pivoted and did his patented JAL strut out the door.
I went to see Don W at the trustee apartment, told him about my conversation w/JAL about LOA. I told Don how I felt in my heart that if I left the campus, I might wind up dead soon. He told me about Rochelle having been sent LOA with another gooe friend Kevin Webster. He blamed Kevin of some stuff that caused them both to be expelled from the program and left Rochelle depressed.
"...She was found dead in a hotel earlier today son. It was an apparent suicide."
I was devastated.
The truth about Rochelle is... Basically Kevin W. said they had both been thrown out of the Corps. Rochelle was so distraught, that instead of leaving in the morning (sound familiar?), she insisted they leave then, that night, which was like 2 or 3 in the morning. She had been told to go live with her brother Al in Connecticutt. She had agreed to drop Kevin off at the limb of Indiana then come back and drive to CT. He said she was very depressed and the limb leaders didn't want her hanging around. They let her stay 2 or 3 days, then told her to go.
The Limb Coordinator knew she was depressed. They kicked her out to drive, alone, from Indiana to CT. She made it as far as Columbus, Ohio, checked into a hotel, ALONE at around 5 or 5pm. She had saved up her pain pills from her lead injury and took them all that evening.
They found her dead in the bathroom the next morning.
Anyone who knew Rochelle (as someone said earlier up this thread) knew she was never the same after that head injury.
No. Nobody, to my knowlege, got any type of specific professional counseling regarding trauma from the LEAD accident. They looked at me sideways about paying my bills. Nancy had some major dental bills. When I finally got back to Emporia for the last block of the year she smiled at me & flashed her pretty white teeth.
My physical injuries were invisible, spinal misalignment, soft tissue damage (like, every disc in my entire spine was squished) nerve damage, stuff like that. Bob Moynihan and Rob Kehoe, WCC's at the Indiana campus accused meto my face of LYING about my injuries to get out of stupid household responsibilities like dishwashing. My back injury was so severe at one point that I had written, signed medical releases stating that I should not lift as much as 10 POUNDS. It started out at FIVE pounds in Gunnison. I had progressed up to 10 by the time I was at IC.
I had real live Dr's, legally proper Dr. signed MEDICAL REPORTS AND X-RAYs showing the discs bulging, vertebre impinging on my nerves, my neck curving BACKWARDS from what normal is, front and back views showing curvature to the left. Not to mention PRESCRIPTIONS for pain medication and vitamin and mineral supplements. I was in agony every day since the accident and those assholes thought I just didn't want to do dishes and straighten chairs in the Chapel!
__________________________
Can I stop now?
LEAD 104 (Grrrrrrrrrr.........) was a nice place to visit but I don't wanna live there. ;)-->
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HCW
For Rochelle.
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With tears. Tears shed for every moment of pain all have suffered related to this day.
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L.E.A.D 104
L.E.A.D. For those who don't know, was a class taken as part of The Way Corps cirriculum. LEAD the acronym stands for Leadership, Education, Adventure, and Direction. It was a program designed to be like "Outward Bound," a popular Christian based outdoors adventure program which challenged people to stretch their physical limits and have a singularly personal experience with God in a nature setting. The goal was to enhance a personal relationship with Christ.
The LEAD Outdoor Academy was TWI's answer to the same. The LEAD Staff was located in Tinnie, New Mexico and made up of people who had skills interest and training in "outdoor stuff" like camping, survival skills, rock climbing, etc. Donnie Smith, Rev. Donnie Smith was the Corps Coordinator at LEAD, a real Grizzly Adams lookin' kinda guy. I liked him, he was always cool to me & others whenever I saw him. The LEAD Home was a Corps Training location, the 5th of five that the Corps would rotate to, especially during year four, the final year.
LEAD 104 was, as the title suggests, the 104th group to, as we used to say, "go LEAD." The program was basically 10 days; a day & 1/2 to get there seven days in the wilderness and a day & 1/2 to get back to the campus.
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"Thirty six hours and rides to get there."
36hrs and rides to get there was sort like a mantra that Dave B. one of the WCC's at Emporia would use to help motivate us to hitchhike the miles from Emporia, KS to Tinne, NM. The program "required" that we hitchhike in teams of two or three on a predetermined route from campus to campus. The groups were either one guy & a gal or two gals & a guy. They told us for "safety purposes" their would always be a guy with every girl. We were given the 36 hours to get to the pickup spot in Tinnie, a $10 bill for each person (so as to not be stopped by police as a vagrant) and a sack lunch which had "enough" food for the 36hrs.
LEAD was "an adventure in believing," we were told as we were to hitchhike accross the country in a certain amount of time and come back with the $10. If you didn't make it to Tinnie in the specified time the LEAD staff was instructed to feed you and send you right back to the campus you came from.
The trip itself was quite an extreme experience in and of itself and an interesting story. Maybe later.
The accident happened when we were on our way AFTER the LEAD experience to be dropped off for the hitchhike "home" to the campus.
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Grrrrr.....
LEAD 104 was the first group to go out of Emporia that year, the 11th Corps graduating year and 13th Corps first in-residence year.
My journal reads:
October 5/82
I'm going LEAD! Again! I'm blessed to be going so soon, in the pacesetting group - Now is the time for me to really break through...
The installation has happened (August '82) I was one of only three full time photographers covering the events. Frank Cardullo was the fourth. It was great working with those guys... I felt like "less than the least" of photographers yet there I was, right up front with some of the best. Frank, David Savatteri, Bill Pancoast and myself. Seems like yesterday, we were shooting one of the biggest events in ministry history, now here I am about to go LEAD.
----------------------------------
I had spent about 35hrs & 10 min on the road with my partner Esther Cabrerra. Ester is a cute Colombian born little 13th Corps girl who, on our trip was hungry, like ALL of the time and constantly had to go to the bathroom! Drove me a little bit crazy but overall we had a goof trip. I liked Esther, she was cool. We were among the last ones to get there though, whew! We made it.
After we all got there we had our first meeting with Donnie and the staff that would be taking us out on the session. This time Donnie's younger brother Kevin was leading the session but Donnie ran the opening meeting.
Donnie told us that we were a "special" group. While we were thinking something like Yeah! Pacesetters, first out of the blocks & crap like that Donnie said, "... but not for the reasons you're probably thinking...." He went on to tell us how he was told were were all "hand-picked" for this session. Reason being that the line on all of us was that we were all "recommended" that we probably shouldn't have been allowed back in residence after our interim year. The 13th among us were considered to be "weaker."
What had been a happy, jubilant group of tired giddy people turned into a really serious, somber, even angry bunch. Donnie kept talking, sayinghow he knew quite a few of us personally and couldn't see why any of those he knew were considered "weak."
Continuing on he said that this crap didn't surprise him cause it happened a lot. He said he was told to challenge us & see who would "break." "I'm gonna challenge you all right, but not to break you. You gonna show 'em how LEAD 104 is not just a bunch of misfits, or "weak." We'll show them how you are among the BEST the 11th & 13th have to offer. He said how this dang ....ed him off.
Because of that he came up with a theme cheer for us. We sat around the campfire circle and with flames flickering lighting our faces he said. "Repeat after me....
He had us say it over and over, WITH ENTHUSIASM! Emphasize THESE words, say it LOUDER! GROWL like you MEAN it!!! He had us going like a foobal team before they take the field. At first I was sayin' to myself.
"I'm not sayin' that. Sounds pretty stupid to me." He kept saying stuff like, "You gonna let them say you're weak? YOU'RE not WEAK. you're not the WORST, you're the best!" Show 'em Show 'em NOW! LOUDER! Make the trees shake!"
I guess we showed 'em. We had a really great session. We were LOUD, rowdy, got in trouble together, excelled in some stuff together. Rooted like crazy for small girls (like Rochelle) to get up some crazy mad climbs.
Donnie said they had to do experimental stuff on us like adding extra days, hiking longer than they ever did, beign the first session ever to go on the opposite side of the mountain, climb climbs the staff had not even rated yet, etc. We hiked to the summit of Mt. Sunset from the opposite side of the mountain in full packs, stuff like that. We got to name the climbs in honor of our being the first LEAD group to climb them.
During the session whenever we'd say LEAD 104 someone would say "GROWL when you say that mister!" Then we'd say our theme like the three stooges did the "Niagra Falls" thing. We had more fun than a barrel of Corps monkeys.
GRRRRRRRRR........
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DUO time...
I always hated how TWI always had to do "the same thing only different."
JUST BECAUSE Outward Bound and other similar programs called the end of their sessions time to reflect on the experience "solo's" LCM said we HAD to call our's "DUO's."
We're not out there solo, its a DUO cause its you AND God, you're not alone! I was like "shut UP Craig. That's stupid, no matter how you look at it you are ALONE, solo with God...idiot."
At any rate Kevin had told us that our LEAD evaluations would be longer during OUR Duo's than usual because they were instructed to discuss this BS w/ us concerning our future w/The Corps. The did the evals in alphabetical order, I was last. Kevin came by and asked me, since they already knew me, etc., if it was OK w/ me, (since the evals were going even longer than expected) that we could do my eval in the truck on the way to be dropped of tomorrow.
It turned out that way. My eval wasn't done & we had packed up to leave. We headed out for the road in two trucks. Each truck had about 15 people in it. Our truck was a big Ford Pickup. We were pulling a trailer that the LEAD staff had built out of wood framing and aluminum siding. It was about the size of a small U-Haul and had all of the luggage, back-packs & sack lunches for the 30 of us in LEAD 104.
Grrrrr.....
We loaded 13 people in the bed of the pickup. Kevin & I sat up front and aonther girl, sat on my lap as we rode away. When we got to a doing the evaluation Kevin asked the girl if she could hop in the back w/the other folks. The other truck followed behind us as we went down the road again.
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What Happened???
My journal reads:
Yesterday while we were driving toward Tinnie to be let out for the trip home disaster struck.
Kevin & I were in the cab of the white pickup riding along at highway speeds going over my LEAD evealuation. Kevin was driving and he was holding the eval form across the steering wheel with his hands at 3'oclock and 9'oclock, so he could read it. As he looked up & down at the road & then at the form asking questions we both noticed that he was having a little trouble keeping the truck going straight down the road.
The wind seemed to pick up & it was a gusting crosswind. I kinda hesitated to answer the questions and at one point we both sorta looked at each other like... "This is pretty dangerous." I remember looking down at the seat between us as Kevin took the form and placed it down. The instant he looked away from the road the truck started heading off the road onto the right shoulder.
Kevin started to take corrective action. (He pulled the truck to the right until all the wheels on the right side of the truck were in the gravel shoulder, including the trailer. We were bouncing but not ot badly.) Then we started to lose it. When he turned to the left to get the truck back all the way on the road the truck bounced violently.
It seemed like when the trailer came back up onto the road it bounced up and to the left pulling the rear of the truck fishtailing it to the left with it. Kevin did a counter-steer to the left to correct the skid without hitting the brakes. We were still going about 50mph at this point.
Then the truck whipped violently fishtailing now to the right. I remember thinking how rough it was but I never though we would CRASH!!! Right into a ditch on the opposite (left) side of the road. We drove right off the left side of the road into what had been open countryside. When I looked up out the windshield, I saw the ditch approaching then realized we were going to have a BAD accident.
Everything was like slow motion in the movies. We smashed into the ditch and Kevin & I both flew foreward shattering the windshield with our heads upon impact. I remember growling "NNOOOOOOO GGGGOOOOOOOOODDDDDDDDDD!!!!!" as glass splashed everwhere hitting me in my face, going in my mouth, ears, everywhere; never squeezed my eyes shut so tight in my life.
Slow motion banging, that ugly "car chrash!" sound, helplessly bouncing like a rag doll, screams, shouting in a slow motion fade to black.
My mind fades up from black to a chorus of moans and crying and shouting. I looked over at Kevin; he was bleeding from his head and hands. I turned to my right and started yanking on the door to get out. Things were back to normal speed now.
"open the door! OPEN the DOOR!" Kevin yelled to someone I couldn't see. My door was trapped by the ditch. We were actually tipped onto the right side of the truck and it was hanging, stuck in the ditch like you'd stick a knife in the ground. All I could see out my window was ground and a small strip of daylight at the top. The cab of the truck was so severly smashed, we couldn't get out the front or the back windows.
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Open the Window!
Open the window! Another voice from the outside. I though maybe we were trapped but Kevin cranked down his window and we scampered out.
I followed Kevin an went in the opposite direction as he. The first person I saw was Rochel*e Wajhnb##g (
;)--> 'Wolf). She had cuts in her head and he har sheared away and blood flowing down her face and hands as she sat, moaning and rocking, moaning and rocking holding her hands on her head.
There was moaning from every direction. I wheeled around and Looked right into Stephen Spielb@rgs bloody face. Then I froze and slowly panned the whole scene. My heart wanted to weep and sob SOOOO badly! Thought of personal guilt FLOODED my mind. There was NO time....No time for that.
I bounded around the back of the truck and began to check injuries. There were people from the other truck pulling others out of the bed who were stuffed and stacked on top of each other in the corner up against the back of the cab. I looked down into the bed, there was Jo Phe!ffer stuufed in to the corner. Still I couldn't BELIEVE this was HAPPENING.
Nancy was to my left with crying with blood all over her face, her teeth were bashed in so far you could hardly see them, looked like they were gone. AGAIN my mind wanted to freak.
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I jumped into the bed
and hooked under Jo's arms. Pulling I began yelling for help to get her out and then went to check Na^cy. Then I went to Don Juan; he was moaning loudly and bleeding from his hand and face. He cried out, "Helllp!" and I took his hand saying,
"I'm here bro, just breathe, slow & deep. Breathe, slow & deep, Don't try to move..."
Don Juan was in a LOT of pain, his hip was somewhat contorted and he said his left shoulder was out of joint. While comforting him again, Isurveyed the scene. It was gruesome. There were bleeding people and small puddles of blood scattered all around me. In the midst of all the hustle and bustle and moaning and crying I sorta faded into myself. The noise and movements all became muffled and slow motion again and I almost broke and wept - - again.
Just then Steve said, "Don't worry. I'm not as bad as I look." he - looked - HORRIBLE. His face was streaked with blood like something out of a cheap horror movie. Thoughts of the BLOOD, broken bones, the twisted remains of the truck and shattered trailer, luggage, backpacks, and those ever present SACK LUNCHES(damn those things) converged on me and I felt my sanity slipping away. Steve's remark kinda made me laugh. He looked REALLY bad but he had this stupid SMILE on his face! The laughing snapped me back to reality.
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I turned my attention back to Don Juan. "Squeeze my hand, man." I told him to take his mind off the pain. He pleaded not to be moved, he thought he was sliding down the hill even though he was laying still. I did my best to distract him and focus his mind to keep him stable.
By now several more paramedic busses had arrived. I flagged some over and they strapped Don Juan on a body board to move him. I got out of their way and went around from person to person checking the extent of injuries, looking for broken bones concussions & the like.
I had SCREAMED at paramedics, the first ones to arrive to take Rochelle. There had been so much activity. 13 people in various states of injury, so much running around that the first paramedic unit to leave w/ Rochelle in it had kinda wrecked into the second LEAD truck pulling out. They just powered past it and zoomed away full lights & sirens.
When I was checking Rochelle, she was holding her hands on her head, rocking & crying. "Rochelle, move your hands out of the way, I HAVE to check your head." I told her.
"Nooooooo." she said, "Ohhhh Nooooo!" She was always sooo stubborn.
"ROCHELLE - - LET me SEE your HEAD!" I said a wee bit sternly. I have to check so I can tell the paramedics who's hurt the worst. Come on honey, let me see it. This is ME, let me see it ok?"
She nodded. and I began to gently move her hands away. The skin on her head moved with her hands. I saw what I thought was her skull inside the slice. "WHAT hit you? I said. She pointed and said I think that thing hit me." It was a piece of the aluminum siding laying near her with some blood on it. That thing had literally scalped her about half of the top of her head, she was holding it together with her hands.
I SCREAMED. "MEEDDDDDDDDDIIIIIIIIICCCCC! MEDIC! GET a medic OVER HERE - - - NOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWW!!!!!"
They took her away first.
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Paramedics started carting people off into the ambulances then Donnie and people from the LEAD lodge arrived. (This was pre cellphone days.)
After a short while we got everybody everybody into ambulances and cleared most of the luggage away then Donnie told us that could walk to go back to the lEAD lodge. I went back to the other truck to get all belongingd, etc. then grabbed some sack suppers & left in the truck.
==============================
Of the 16 people in the truck, 14 were riding in the pickup bed. They were having fun cracking jokes & stuff. Someone had just told the punchline of a joke when he hit the ravine. They had just burst into laughter moments before the truck hit the solid wall of earth and went from about 45-50 mph to zero in an instant. The truck went downward, twisting to its left while tipping foreward.
This made some people scrunch together in the right front corner of the pickup bed.
The trailer flipped up like a slingshot. Up over and foreward. Some people were catapaulted out of the truck, those that weren't scrunched. The trailer missed EVERYONE and hit the back of the cab, exploding on impact.
There were people, luggage, backpacks & sack suppers splashed over the area. Fractions of seconds was the difference that saved MANY lives. One guy had actually been thrown from the truck, flipped over in mid air, hit the ground in a foreward roll position and landed on his feet! Some had a few cuts & scratches. others broken bones. We felt it was miraculous that the trailer didn't impact on snybody. Pieces of it cut people flying by them.
No one was killed there at the scene.
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This is the FIRST time since the accident that I've shared the whole story with anyone. I actually never read the entire pieces from my journal either.
I was up all night posting that stuff. Once I got into the flow I felt I should go with it.
It was incredibly painful for me. I spent a good part of the day crying, connecting with the whole thing like that was hard.
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Rochelle survived her injuries from the accident and died in the summer of 83. If you think you're ....ed now....
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The ride in the truck
was pretty solumn. Gl@nn Edm%nson was sitting across from me. He looked me right in the eye and said with his slightly southern accent,
"This will be a great victory for us."
I nodded. Hee reached out his hand & I took it with a firm 'CLAP' as our hands met. He took J@ne C*ssab@n's hand and I took my hitchin' partner Esth@r Cabr@rra's. We just held hands for a few seconds that seemed like 'forever.' We, together, felt a few moments of unity and "the peace of God." There wasn't a whole lot that could be said, we didn't say much. I felt that since I was in the center of the accident, that I should step up and "be there" for everybody else whether they were in the truck that wrecked or not.
When we got back to the lodge, "coincidentally," Art P@ling and Ell!e W!lson were there. They had some ministry related reason for being there, Art was head of Way Builders and Ell!e was deep into health and nutrition stuff. I figured why the were there had to have something to do with that but, didn't care. I was happy to see THEM of all people.
Art is a big, soft spoken, teddy bear kinda guy & Ell!e was a good friend. I'd spent a lot of time w/ Ell!e & husband J.Fr@d at their home in New Knoxville. It was comforting to see them in particular because I knew they wouldn't "beat us down" w/ "believing" BS like so many would do in situations like this.
Art gently but firmly took control of the entire situation. We went to work, doing miscellaneous things & stuff around the lodge. "Might as well" Art said, "Sittin' around here looking at each other helplessly isn't gonna help anybody."
We 11th, really felt we had to keep it together, for each other, for the 13th, and especially for our "walking wounded" and those in the hospitals. We prayed and went to work trying our best to be our normal, wild a$$ selves.
Anybody who knows the 11th knows we were a really roudy, racous bunch. We'd be LOUD, out of control (in a fun way) but pull it together when it mattered. It REALLY mattered now. We felt that we could give the finger to Satan by returning to how we really were, now in the midst of this tragedy.
I was working on a crew sanding the deck outside the lodge. We were singing and laughing and joking almost like we'd normally do but there was definitely a tension in the air.
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We were 'straight up' coping.
At one point I was sanding to the beat of whatever stupid song (we had a stupid blast singing those stupid songs in residence). We embraced them and made em sound as stupid as we could.
Anyways, I felt really weak, weaker and weaker as time passed. This wasn't more than an hour or so after the crash. ANd my sanding slowed, slower & slower & slower. I started feeling overwhelmed by responsibility. It hurt. My whole countenance wound down like a wind up toy slows.
I was fighting tears... losing. They would overflow my eyes and drip drop onto the deck. All of life started slowing down, the noise faded into a soft, slow amalgamated murmur. I watched the tears I could wipe away fast enough fall, all the way to the deck as if from a rooftop all the way to the ground.
Plop! They would splash, I could hear them hitting the deck, wiping my eyes, my face; sniffling. Pushing this stupid piece of sandpaper wrapped around this wood.
Gl@nn Edm#nson walked up & kneeled next to me. "Maybe you should lay down for a while man..." He said.
Laying down was the LAST thing I wanted to do. When I wasn't concentrating all those images; the blood puddles, the crying, et al. overwhelmed me. I didn't want to be by myself. My mind kept flashing back to the scene of the blood & the bodies strewn all over. I wouldn't go lay down, refused to.
After a little more sanding with an almost hapless amount of strength. Art P@ling "ordered" me to lay down. He went and found a place for me to go. When he came back I pushed back. I didn't want to GO. I didn't want to CRY. I wanted to keep it together and stay together w/ my Corps Brothers & sisters. I felt I HAD to! I felt THEY needed me. My mind kept telling me stuff like that.
Art insisted I go and lay down. "If they need you, you need to take some time for yourself, to get yourself put back together, so you can have some of yourself left over to give them." he said.
I excused myself from the work crew. Art extended his hand, helped to get up and walked with me to where I laid down.
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Art and Ell!e both walked with me
to a quiet room away from everything. They both offered their continued prayers for me and, "whatever help I can be to you...."
They both had a very great look of concern on their faces, it really melted me. I assurred them, however that, "I'm more upset about what happened than injured ..." They gave me a sincere bit of a pet talk and the last thing Ell!e sad to me was,
"...and don't be afraid to cry." She walked out and I burst in to tears. I lay down and soon fell off into a pretty restful sleep.
Later Ell!e came in to check on me. She sat down and asked me what kinds of things was I thinking about. I told her of how I felt kinda responsible for what had happened. She immediately almost snapped it at me but firmly said, "But you're not."
"I know that, but I've still had to fight those thoughts." I said.
"Well." said she, "You've had quite a shock to your system. It hurts the mind a lot to see so many people you love hurt so badly."
It did. It hurt terribly. Again the images from the scene. Flashbacks, Spielberg's bloody smile, Rochelle's hands moving revealing her skull, the sounds; it all crashed into my head in waves like at the ocean.
I nodded my head in agreement. Then more tears streamed down my face as my head hung low. Through the sniffles I told her how I knew inside that I wasn't responsible, really, and the rest I was getting was helping me to deal with it & put the right thoughts into my mind.
"Good." she said. Then after asking me if I felt I was ready to talk about some serious stuff. When I agreed she went into telling me some things she felt she knew about me, my life spiritually and how I had some sort of "special" call of God on me. She said she "felt" it when she got here about all of us involved in the wreck.
"Satan wanted to snuff you out, as many of you as he could."
I was like whoa. Pull up. She said she could "just feel it" that there was more to this particular accident than meets the eye. She asked me about the session, if there was anything wierd or whatever about it. I told her about the "weaker link" crap. "You're not ready to be Corps," BS that was said & how the LEAD staff was told to push us & break us & how this session was supposed to me "make it or break it" time for those of us on the session.
Ell!e was the one who slapped me with this logic. "WHO are 'they' to say the YOU are not ready to go BACK to a job you've already done and excelled in. Think about that." she said. I know you I know what you're capable of. I knw what you've already done for God. If I was the devil, I'd try to kill you too. We need people like you around HQ. I don't know all of the kids in that truck but its a really good bet that most if not all of you are not the weakest of the Corps, I'd bet you're among the strongest.
I agreed with that. When we were back at the campfire on Day One of the session & Donnie said something similar, I looked around at the group. I wish I had written all of their names in my journal, honestly, none of them would have made my "weakest link" list. Certainly not me!
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In the morning we awoke to
breakfast of granola & hot apple cider with people scurrying around for the trip home. We still didn't have all the details but it was something about Craig Martindale coming from HQ to bring us home. They told us to be ready to start the process of leaving at 7:am.
My "invalids and other sick folk" as I called them were sitting around the table when Craig walked in and sat - directly accross the table from me. He was doing som miscellaneous stuff when W@yne S@ars
(The full extent of W#yne's injuries was about four stitches on one of his fingers. He told me of how, right at the point of impact somebody had just hit the punchline of some really funny joke. He said, "One second I was busting out laughing, the next I was flying through the air like Superman. I saw the ground coming up at my face and said, OH, SH!T!!!! Closed my eyes & felt myself flip over, hit the ground and roll and land on my feet! My FINGER was bleeding, but I dunno how!)
...asked him (LCM) a question. That got him started. Many words and minutes flew by, there he was Pres. of TWI sitting with us "sharing" all this stuff.
I wondered, thinking, he has found his "richest prize, Eyes that open and hearts that ask." At the time I felt "privileged" that he was spending time with us. He went on and on about "principle" and having it ingrained in a man's life and some detail of how to see it. This turned into an expose on "whats happening" around the campuses, tings like the Govenor of Kansas' visit to Emporia and the Kansas Board of Regents visting the campus. He said how impressed they were with our campus, etc. and their comments about it. This, that & the other thing. He droned on and on. Eventually he spoke of how Don Wierwille's educational philosophy is as unique to the world of Education as Dr.VPW's is to the world of Biblical research.
It was like this beautiful music was playing then the record scratched.......>werereetpbt!"
At that point he lost my attention, probably everyone else's too cause he wrapped up soon after that, excused himself & said he was gonna go eat a breakfast that, "could choke a horse."
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On the bus to the airport
we all dove into our sack lunches (again the SACK lunch!) at least these were better than your average WC sack lunch, and Craig led some singing of more of these wierd songs. He told some of his jokes too. He manages to come up with some new ones regularly; I don't know WHERE he he gets such stupid stuff. Some of it is actually clever though.
At first I thought it was great the way he made sure we were occupied so that we didn't see the crash site as we drove by it. I wanted to see it though. I felt a little leery of the first part of the bus ride. So I'm wondering if it was probably not the best idea to see the site of the crash.
I still wanted to though; I wanted to see it. I felt I NEEDED to see it to add a measure of reality to the waves of images that keep crashing into my mind. By now, days later, it seems more like a nightmare, a horror movie of an experience, than an actual thing that really happened.
We had stayed at the lodge until getting the OK for some of the more critically injured to get the release to travel back. Most hospitalized were treated and released from emergency rooms. We didn't get to see the ones who were really hurt bad, we didn't get to visit them in the hospital. I was having trouble processing the whole thing without seeing stuff.
It was exciting for us all that Craig brought Ambassador One to fly us back to Emporia. The thought of hitchhiking back actually crossed my mind at one point.......NAW! They better NOT do that to us! It was exciting & all that. It was kinda cool to be able to say we spent some time w/ Craig, but I really wanted, needed to go back to the site. I wanted to look at it. See the truck, touch it, climb around on it. I wanted to mourn the injuries THERE at the spot where it happened.
More importantly. I wanted to stand there at the spot where we crashed and PRAY. Pray to God for quick recoveries, restored wholeness to fallen friends, mental soundness. I wanted to see that ravine that swallowed up our lives that day & spit us out so violently. I wanted to stand there, on the very spot and claim the VICTORY my buddy Gl@n spoke of.
I was SO glad that Donnie told us what "they" thought of us. It was SO great that Kevin and he and the others ran LEAD 104 (Grrrr... "Growl when you say that buddy.") with an in your FACE!!!! attitude.
I wanted to stand. On the VERY SPOT where the devil tried to KILL me; and my friends and SCREAM, at the TOP of my lungs, scream at the devil, all of us - - together, with attitude now:
My arms, and my legs are like STEEL.
My hands are like vice grips.
My feet are like Hind's feet,
And my mind is like CHRIST'S.
I CAN do ALL things.
LEAD 104!!!!!
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GRRRRR.........
Almost forgot the growl.
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The Ambassador One flight crew treated us like dignitaries, heroes or something. I remember people at the airport looking at us like "what the hey?" Who ARE these people?
People on crutches, arms in slings, heads wrapped, other bandages, etc. Even boarding the plane was a "thing." They played an in flight movie, people shared on the microphone about the LEAD session. It was cool. I declined the chance to speak & let others talk about it, mainly because I was writing in this journal. Craig talked but I honestly don't remember a word he said.
We cheered when Fr@nk Card%llo, the Amb1 pilot announced were doing a fly-by, circling the campus at Emporia. He tipped the wings of the plane so we could see there were people out on the grounds waving at the plane. I cried - again. Earlier that morning we were in that far away, stange land, Twighlight Zone. Now we're circling above the 40 acres, our "home" for now, The Way College of Emporia.
We landed super smoothly on Kansas soil and there was an entourage and caravan from the college waiting. They gave us a standing ovation as we disembarked. It was heartwarming. At the campus they had all of the Corps, Staff & College Division line the circle drive to welcome us home like heroes. That was nice too.
I didn't feel like no stinking hero. I shook a few hands, gave and received a few hugs, went and collapsed on my bed in my room. We were given the rest of the day off. I slept most of it.
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At lunch at Emporia
Craig "shared" about the accident during the announcements. I was sitting way in the back across the lunchroom from the head table.
Craig went on and on about it then said something to the effect of what happened to cause the crash. I perked up to hear what he had to say about it seeing as I knew that Kevin and I were the only ones who really knew what happened. He said something about the wind. "There were two sudden, simultaneously powerful gusts of wind. One from the left then another from the right that picked up the trailer and swung it around one way then immediately back the other way. The trailer pulled the truck to one side. When the driver tried to correct the skid, he overcorrected and the truck went off the road and crashed into a ravine...."
I didn't hear another word he said after that and forgot everything he said prior to it. I was already hating him on the one hand for causing us to miss seeing the crash site. I was listening to him for some closure. I guess I thought he'd somehow give us some validation or vindication about it. He had led up to this big spiritual conclusion about how the devil had attacked us and was trying to destroy the Corps program, using LEAD to do it.
He was back on his "principle" and "hit us where we were vulnerable" rant. I was incensed. We LEAD 104 guys knew we WERE heroes. We had sucessfully faced the single biggest disaster in the history of TWI. We felt that God's hand of protection WAS on us, especially in light of what Kevin & I knew was OBVIOUSLY a MAJOR mistake. Fractions of inches, split seconds & stuff like that saved people's lives.
The instant the crash occurred, MY 11th & 13th Corps brothers & sisters turned the tragedy into one of the finest rescue operations you'll ever see. It went like clockwork. While I was there, struggling to retain my sanity, there was at least one of the WEAKEST of the Corps PRAYING and comforting EVERY injured person.
WE scrambled to aid the paramedics. Every time ANYBODY said go here, grab this, help with that peopl were on it like flies on excrement. It was great. That day LEAD 104 lived up to an exceeded EVERY lofty ideal ever spoken about The Way Corps. There could have been mass confusion and hysteria but NOBODY freaked out even the people in intense pain were calm and cooperative. No cussing, no arguing, no nothing but true and sincere caring for one another.
I felt, "Who in the, blankety, blank, blank, BlankBlank, blank does he think he IS? How could he possibly know that?" Then he said that the people in the traing truck had told they saw the trailer bouncing and whipping the truck around like a rag doll.
I was incensed.
It seemed like a million people asked, "what happened? Was it like Craig said?"
I actually found myself going along with that "super wind from hell" story for a while. I had to put together a very edited version of what happened to tell people anyways. Just the though of repeating it over and over and over and over tore away at my brain. I couldn't believe he said that, but part of me kinda believed it 'cause I kinda convinced myself that Kevin & I ddidn't know what had actually happened.
It DID seem strange that when he tried to bring the truck back on the road, it seemed like all hell broke loose all of a sudden. Then we were staring at a wall of dirt and in an instant flying into the windshield.
At this point I hated Craig for what he said. Not that I wanted any notariety for being in the front seat, having "the best seat in the house" at such a huge thing. I did think I was more qualified to tell people what happened there than Craig. Didn't like it that I didn't speak up more. By now I was in a LOT of pain. I could hardly sit, it hurt like hell to lay down. The pain was so bad I couldn't sleep. I was having flashbacks when I was awake. I couldn't stay awake in class, where sitting was uncomfortable anyways.
He turned it into another "Craig thing." He made himself the authority about it never having spoken to me about it. I don't know if he talked to Kevin. By now I just wanted it to be OVER.
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I was being facetious about Sue. She's one of the sweetest of our whole roudy a$$ bunch.
--------------------------
At the scene they asked everyone in great detail about what injuries that had. They tried to get me to go to the hospital, I refused to go. I really didn't think I was hurt, just banged up. I played football in High School, I was a rough, tough wrestler too. "Playing through pain" is part of how I've been brainwashed since I was a little kid. I had no broken bones, just a few cuts, none that required stitches even.
It did take three days to get the broken windshield glass out of my hair - even after showering and scrubbing. Some sweet corps sistahs sat me down & picked it out for me.
It was upsetting to me how we didn't get to go to the hospital to visit people in Tinnie. Craig went. He reported to us his POV on how ther were doing. I wanted to look them in the eyes - apologise, hug them, cry with them. Pump em up - - whatever. All we got to do was sit around the LEAD lodge for a couple of days. Those who could did some work around the lodge. I got a big rock or a piece of a log, maybe it was. Whatever it was I cleaned it up and calligraphed our LEAD 104 theme on it.
My arms and my legs are like steel,
My hands are like vice grips,
My feet are like hind's feet,
And my mind is like Christ's.
I CAN do ALL things!
LEAD 104 (GRRRRRRRrrrr....)
We presented it to Donnie & the LEAD Staff to memorialize the session.
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The shipped me off to Camp Gunnison
when the block changed. Didn't like that either, I wanted to stay together w/the injured 104'ers. Lost track of them changing blocks. Not too long into the block. Joe Pascarelli poked me in the hip, like "doink!"
I was having real trouble by now sitting on soft seats, so during twig one night I was sitting on the arm of a big easy chair. Joe was sitting in the chair when he poked me. I nearly jumped through the ceiling with the pain.
When I finally landed Joe said, "Your hip is out of joint."
"What?"
Joe had been a Chiropractic assistant in a prior life. He told me that he poked me "right there" to see if I would jump. When I did he said he was 100% sure my hip was dislocated and I'd better get my butt to a Chiropractor, like right now.
I got it cleared to go & TWI said they'd pick up the bill cause it was related to the accident. The Chiropractor, after his exam and x-rays told me that:
1. My spine which normally has five curves now had only three.
2. My atlas bone at the top of my neck was dislocated. (In other words, my head wasn't on straight.)
3. My left hip was 6mm out of the socket.
4. Right hip, 1mm out of socket.
5. My left shoulder was dislocated also.
6. Overall my spine had been compacted 150 mm.
Where I was about 5'9," I was now 5'5 1/4."
He asked me what had happened to me. I told him about the accident. Based on the injuries, he told me that I had recieved a blow of about 5000lbs per sqare inch. My spine had stretched way out like a rubber band and snapped back and stuck in the position it was in, hunched foreward and bent to my left.
"That blow should have killed you." I've seen many other corpses who died of blows much less than this. This is incredible" he said.
"A miracle maybe?" I said.
He said he didn't know about a miracle, he had a son about my age and he would take care of me the way he would want to have his own son taken care of if he were as far from home as me.
I figured THAT itself was a miracle.
That started a rehab process for my back, neck, hips and shoulder that took over 10 years and cost somewhere around $30,000.
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About Rochelle... and injuries
I spent that year bouncing to every campus location, each block, different campus. Changing campuses, meant changing Chiropractors, changing chiropractors meant having my records transferred from state to state, having my records transferred meant explaining why I was moving to the Dr. Each Dr. thought it was wrong for them to move me because I was in real need of continuity of treatment. Each Dr. also wanted to finish the process and see me rehabilitated, healed from such a horrible injury.
I was left to do all the explaining, all of the searching for another chiropractor who would continue my treatments in a fashion compatable with the prior one. The only saving grace for me & TWI in the eyes of the Dr.s was that TWI was footing the bills. The Chiropractor in Gunnison was the hardest to leave, he really cared for me as a human being, like a son.
Ilearned a lot about the human body from those guys. Even some spiritaul stuff about healing & touch. Like I switched from this Dr. Todd Spieles in Minster, Oh. I could tell from the way his hands felt on my back that he didn't like me. After being handled with such great care from Dr. Coblentz in Gunnison and Dr. Cox in Rome City. The comparison was obvious. A little wierd but I could "just feel" it. His hands felt "cold" even when he rubbed warm oil on me.
At the end of that inresidence year I was being nazied out of the corps. Same BS as lots of others. People would disappear on an almost weekly basis, as if an ugly LOA monster had eaten them while we all slept.
Coincidentally, Don Wierwille was at Emporia for his regular visit doing ministry business the same day John Lynn had called me in telling me "The decision has been made that it is best for you and the ministry that you go LOA."
I didn't think so. He chided me for "always being so argumentative." I argued & pushed back stronger. He switched up his tactic and told me, "Look, Howard. Lots of people go LOA all the time, its just a few months for you, you can come back in residence with the 12th Corps and you'll surely be one of the tip top guys in that group."
I looked him square in the eyes. Hesitated. Took a deep breath and said. "Ok...."
John smiled. I continued, "If in a couple of months I'll be AT the tip top of the 12th Corps guys I must be at least somewhere NEAR to top of the 11th Corps NOW. RIGHT???"
His smile turned to a fierce glare and he said, "YOU, are outta here." in that snarly JAL style of his. Just tell us where you're going...by tomorrow. Come by my office tomorrow morning by 10 and tell me where you're going." He pivoted and did his patented JAL strut out the door.
I went to see Don W at the trustee apartment, told him about my conversation w/JAL about LOA. I told Don how I felt in my heart that if I left the campus, I might wind up dead soon. He told me about Rochelle having been sent LOA with another gooe friend Kevin Webster. He blamed Kevin of some stuff that caused them both to be expelled from the program and left Rochelle depressed.
"...She was found dead in a hotel earlier today son. It was an apparent suicide."
I was devastated.
The truth about Rochelle is... Basically Kevin W. said they had both been thrown out of the Corps. Rochelle was so distraught, that instead of leaving in the morning (sound familiar?), she insisted they leave then, that night, which was like 2 or 3 in the morning. She had been told to go live with her brother Al in Connecticutt. She had agreed to drop Kevin off at the limb of Indiana then come back and drive to CT. He said she was very depressed and the limb leaders didn't want her hanging around. They let her stay 2 or 3 days, then told her to go.
The Limb Coordinator knew she was depressed. They kicked her out to drive, alone, from Indiana to CT. She made it as far as Columbus, Ohio, checked into a hotel, ALONE at around 5 or 5pm. She had saved up her pain pills from her lead injury and took them all that evening.
They found her dead in the bathroom the next morning.
Anyone who knew Rochelle (as someone said earlier up this thread) knew she was never the same after that head injury.
No. Nobody, to my knowlege, got any type of specific professional counseling regarding trauma from the LEAD accident. They looked at me sideways about paying my bills. Nancy had some major dental bills. When I finally got back to Emporia for the last block of the year she smiled at me & flashed her pretty white teeth.
My physical injuries were invisible, spinal misalignment, soft tissue damage (like, every disc in my entire spine was squished) nerve damage, stuff like that. Bob Moynihan and Rob Kehoe, WCC's at the Indiana campus accused meto my face of LYING about my injuries to get out of stupid household responsibilities like dishwashing. My back injury was so severe at one point that I had written, signed medical releases stating that I should not lift as much as 10 POUNDS. It started out at FIVE pounds in Gunnison. I had progressed up to 10 by the time I was at IC.
I had real live Dr's, legally proper Dr. signed MEDICAL REPORTS AND X-RAYs showing the discs bulging, vertebre impinging on my nerves, my neck curving BACKWARDS from what normal is, front and back views showing curvature to the left. Not to mention PRESCRIPTIONS for pain medication and vitamin and mineral supplements. I was in agony every day since the accident and those assholes thought I just didn't want to do dishes and straighten chairs in the Chapel!
__________________________
Can I stop now?
LEAD 104 (Grrrrrrrrrr.........) was a nice place to visit but I don't wanna live there.
;)-->
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