Out of the Closet To Stay

[ExWayDaryl]

Greetings one and all. My name is Daryl Lamkey, and I’m known in the chat room as ExWayDaryl. I’ve been told I should post my story here, and that is my intent. But first, some background.

I’m a WOW vet, ‘82-‘83, Long Island, New York, with one aborted year as a WOW in Philadelphia, in ’80-81. PFAL (‘78) & Advanced Class Grad, (‘83). I’m also a Vietnam era veteran – USAF, active duty 1968-1972, honorably discharged at the rank of Staff Sergeant in 1974.

I’ve worked in Way Productions directly and peripherally. I was the crane operator on the video “Athletes of the Spirit”, and I worked on David Savatteri’s video, “God’s Royal Household” where I did special effects photography, calligraphy (for titles), some of the cinematography, film editing and conforming. I also worked with David at ROA (’85 I think) when “God’s Royal Household” premiered. In October ’82, during my WOW year, I was called to HQ to work with Steve Budlong and Susan Miller to work on Steve’s film, “The Teacher,” as key grip and crane operator. This included filming at the handover (or should that be hangover?) of power from VPW to LCM. I even got mentioned in the Way Mag for that one!

For a variety of reasons, I’m no longer with TWI. The straw that broke the camel’s back, however, was my sister. After I got in the Word, I told her all about it. She became enthused, took the class, as did all 4 of her children. So did my mom. Another story. In 1989, when I was already drifting away from TWI, my sister, a single mom raising those 4 kids, was discovered to have a brain tumor. They removed the brain tumor, and after pathologic analysis, the neurosurgeon delivered the verdict: Cancer.

He went on to explain that cancer, as with most things, happens in degrees. He added that on a scale of 1 to 10, my sister’s tumor was a 10. He said, “When it comes back, and it will come back, we could remove it, but that would just be a holding action.”

I went home and made phone calls, to everywhere I could think of where “believers” lived, or used to live, or might someday live. And I asked everyone to pray for my sister. I called Headquarters in New Knoxville. And CG’s place in Scotland. I thought that there was a certain advantage in having many praying, praying perfectly, for her. After all, doesn’t it say, “the effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much”? I prayed too. I spoke in tongues when I awoke. I did so all day long. I did so going to as I drifted off at night. I might have done it in my sleep as well.

After about nine months, the tumor returned, times three. When my brother showed up at my apartment to deliver the news that our sister died, I stopped speaking in tongues then and there, and haven’t done so since. My sister was buried on June 2, 1990. She was 49, younger than I am now. In November I turned 55.

Of all the people in the world with whom I could have entrusted my soul, my sister was well within the top five. But she never lived long enough for me to come to some sort of maturity to try to trust her. All the time I had been in The Way, all the time before then that I had been living my so-called “life”, I was living a lie. And I could not bear it anymore. No one knew the real “truth” about me. Even the “Reverend” in Philly (WOW year ’80-’81) who accused me of causing division in the family didn’t know, which, frankly, surprised me. I had expected more discernment on his part. Or, later, on the part of Rev. Joe Fair, (with whom I actually struck up a friendship after my NY WOW year! He is actually a decent, loving individual when you get to know him!) No one had a clue.

I originally “came out” to a wonderful girl, Sue L., (my first Twig, Wilmette, Illinois, in 1979,) who immediately told her twig coordinator. Then they told me that it’s God’s will for me to be “straight,” “heterosexual,” so-called “normal”. They knew about me because I told them.

OK, so here’s the truth. I’m gay. Always have been, always will be.

It’s not something I can explain in words that someone who is straight will understand. I just am, that’s all. My studies on the matter since have illuminated this subject. Anyone who has Internet access can look it up for themselves. (And, if you’re reading this, you have Internet access.)

Look, I was taught by TWI. I know how to study the Bible. I know what Romans chapter 1 says about me. And you couldn’t fit me there with a 1-megaton tipped Cruise missile coming in at rooftop level. The steps don’t fit me at all. I will detail this if asked.

I’ve known I’m gay since before I had a pubic hair I could legitimately call my own. And I’ve tried everything short of a lobotomy to become the “straight boy” that society (and TWI) would have me to be. But hey, it ain’t gonna happen. If the same deity who brought order to a chaotic universe in six days can’t make me heterosexual in THIRTEEN YEARS, then, well, I am the way I am, and you will have to accept that. I have. Or at least, I’m trying to, still. “Coming out of the Closet ” is not an event. It is a process, and that process can, for some, last a lifetime.

I know who I am. I know what I am. The “God” part, I’m still working on that one. Please bear with me.

Thank you, gentle reader, for your attention.

I wish you peace, long life, prosperity.

Daryl J. Lamkey

(Currently living in Franklin Park, Illinois, a suburb just west of Chicago.)

[Shellon]

:)--> Daryl

[Cindy!]

Daryl,

My hat is off to you.

You have been through so much, and yet the journey is not ended. The blot that so called "christianity" puts on homosexuality is indecent.

If it were not, it would not cause so many honestly questing individuals so much pain.

There is a God outside of those narrow walls who is not as weak as some would portray "him" to be.

More power to you, Daryl!!! I hope this day begins a journey of discovery of how truly exceptional you are in God's eyes (however you perceive God to be).

LOVED your post!

chinny

[bowtwi]

(((((EWD))))) :D-->

I'm sorry for your loss!

Glad you're here! Wanna buy me a cup of coffee?

B - Better

O - Off

W - Without

t - the

w - way

i - international

[Radar OReilly]

(((Daryl)))

So glad you can be who you really are. Thank you for bearing your soul.

Radar

[BackForty]

ExWay! I've seen you in chat several times. :D-->

I am sooo sorry about your sister. :(-->

We here are nolonger under the dark vail of twi and their rantings! Wooohooo! :D-->

I sincerely hope by sharing you have found relief and comfort. All that matters is that you are you, Daryl. :)-->

____

Edited January 8, 2004 by Guest

[TheHighWay]

Daryl, Thanks for posting your story. May your life's journey from here on be a wonderful one.

[Trefor Heywood]

Daryl - you are not the only one!

I know what you have been through and see that your conclusions are similar to mine.

Your gay brother,

Trefor Heywood

"Cymru Am Byth!"

[TheInvisibleDan]

ExWayDaryl -

Enjoyed reading your ex-Way testimony.

Danny

[This message was edited by TheInvisibleDan on January 10, 2004 at 22:36.]

Edited January 11, 2004 by Guest

[Tom Strange]

glad to meet you exwaydaryl, now that you've got that off your chest, please feel free to post more brother... you've only posted 6 times in three months! :D-->

welcome and have a snow cone!

... I've been here and I've been there and I've been in between...

Edited January 9, 2004 by Guest

[Rocky]

Daryl,

Thanks for sharing and feeling comfortable enough here to do so.

Obviously, you have support here. I hope you also have close friends and support in your community.

And I share the pain of losing a sibling and grieve with you on losing your sister. My brother died in 1992.

And I also am a USAF veteran of the Vietnam Era.

Peace, Dude.

[CKnapp3]

Daryl,

God, if he is good at all, will accept you just as you are. I guess it's all been summed up by everyone else, you have a lot of support from the people here at greasespot. It takes a lot of courage to admit one's lifestyle when society tends to give to look down on that lifestyle that one owns up to in a contemptuous fashion. As far as God's will is concerned, and again that is if he has any kindness toward his creatures, God wills you only to be happy. Welcome to Greasespot :)-->

Chuck

I don't need no stinkin' crown!

[This message was edited by CKnapp3 on January 11, 2004 at 3:03.]

Edited January 11, 2004 by Guest

[excathedra]

Dear Daryl,

thank you. i feel humbled. i wish you all good things in your journey

i am very very sorry about your sister. how are her kids ? you ? your parents and siblings ?

love,

ex

?

[notinKansasanymore]

Daryl:

God bless you, brother. What courage you have.

I hope that you are in, or find soon, a sweet relationship; nobody should have to be alone.

More power to you.

Love, niKa

"Live just, and fear not."

[Dartanian3m]

ExWayDaryl..

First off let me say I am VERY sorry about your sister

Beyond that it appears that you are placing the "BLAME" on God for your sexual orientation.

ie

"If the same deity who brought order to a chaotic universe in six days can’t make me heterosexual in THIRTEEN YEARS, then, well, I am the way I am, and you will have to accept that"

Though I can understand your rationale..I cannot accept it....You are what you choose to be..and if you are gay that was your choice NOT God's fault.

Do I condemn you...no ...i sympathize with your dilemma because though I am not gay i have my own share of opportunities to rise up to the word

Honestly voice your complaints before the Lord man, but please don't blame him. He loves you regardless- you are his son.

[Sudo]

Daryl,

I bet its REALLY getting tiresome having to read how you "chose" to be gay -->. But this is what fundamental Christianity teaches and there's no deviating from that orthodoxy for their adherents.

Heck, just dress it up a little and say you love the sinner but hate the sin. Makes it a bit more palatable to cram down the throats of the newly converted fundies.

You're alright in my book, Daryl, and like everyone else, I'm sure sorry about your sister. Funny how not getting answers to prayer doesn't bother most peoples' faith. They just continue on as if nothing had happened. A wise man learns from his mistakes.

sudo

[Dartanian3m]

Sudo... you state....

I bet its REALLY getting tiresome having to read how you "chose" to be gay . But this is what fundamental Christianity teaches and there's no deviating from that orthodoxy for their adherents.

Am I being cynical or is that an indirect attack on what the Word of God makes very very clear with little need for exposition or interpretations.

If you have a better alternative to the Word please let us know what it is and stand accountable for preaching it.

Otherwise you appear to be undermining with no offer of a better "WAY"

[Radar OReilly]

Dartanian,

Just so you know....not everyone here at Greasespot has continued in the way or belief systems of FUNDAMENTAL CHRISTIANITY.

You may believe that there is no deviating from that orthodoxy but there are plenty of others here that believe that fundamental christianity is NOT THE WAY.

Radar

[Sudo]

Dartanian,

Re:"Am I being cynical or is that an indirect attack on what the Word of God makes very very clear with little need for exposition or interpretations."

Ohhh.. You're good to have picked THAT up from my post. Yep. Gots to get up preeee-ty early in the morning to get one past you, I see.

sudo

[karmicdebt]

My other brother Daryl,

I believe Romans talks about folks who knew God...but recreated him using doctrine and foolishness...and using Him to promote a personal agenda...

I don't see how that pretains to you...I do see some of the behaviors that come from this being those who love to debate, whisper, malign, covet, despise and are prideful...

I don't know anyone who spent time in TWI who is not guilty of these! How do you teach God is love period and add a "BUT"...to that and not be guilty of vain imaginations?

It is so easy to point a finger at homosexuality. It enables us to not take the mote out of the eye of, the oh so many of, us who constantly fall in the catagories listed in 29-31...like UNMERCIFUL!

If I can keep the spotlight on you - no one is looking at me!

I know many and have myself been guilty of putting love relationships before God...praying for someone to love me...it sure wasn't natural affection and it was lust...BUT hey, it was okay because it was hetero! Dishonoring our bodies and changing the natural use does not mean homosexuality. I think the natural use of a womans body has more to do with babies...to use sex, to dishonor yourself as a woman is to give it with the expectation that love will return...

As far as men...I tend to believe it is in the same vein...and those of us who have been guilty in this realm need healing because it is very sad to not have greater honor and love for oneself.

God help us all...

[This message was edited by karmicdebt on January 13, 2004 at 18:02.]

Edited January 13, 2004 by Guest

[2strange]

Dear Daryl:

Thank you for your story. I see honesty, courage and guts to tell things about yourself, thank you.

I feel your pain. I wish I could reach out and give you a hug...we were so used by the upper leadership it's pitiful.

We were taught so many lies in the way. I can remember one, " The Word takes the place of the absent Christ." then where is Jesus now? Is he always at God's right hand? I don't think so. The way taught us to worship the WORD, the bible not God or Jesus so we were headed in the wrong direction...anyway that's another story in itself.

So sorry to hear about your sister. How are your neices and/or nephews? I hope they are well. It sounds like you are pretty mad at God. I was too. I had a miscarriage about 7 years ago and was very dissapointed.

May I suggested something? I've been reading a book called, "Healing Life's Deepest Hurts" by Edward M Smith. He's from Kentucky. We are all very emotional people and the way taught us to depress them...remember, I have no feelings when it comes to the word of God...or was it friends...another lie.

This minister, Edward Smith has some really good stuff and insight on emotional trama.

Say, when you worked out at HQ, did you know Dennis Ryan? He was from NY (worked at Radio City Music Hall) went WOW to FL in 1982-83 and I think he may have gone into the corp shortly after. he worked the lighting or sound on some of the way productions...I don't know for sure.

Take care and I will pray for you.

[wyteduv58]

Daryl......Good for you, God says he loves the world right?

I assume your not an ET. so God loves you too.

You just be you, not what someone else says you should be.

I'm so sorry to hear about your sister and having lost me brother a few years ago I do know what you are going thru.

BTW...I also enjoyed chatting with you in the Chatroom come back more often.

Dovey....proud owner of two low riders...Dovey's Doxies......

[Don'tFenceMeIn]

Daryl,

It's not easy for you to say something like that and I appreciate your candor.

I wish you peace, happines, healing from your loss, and a long life.

Love you brother :)-->

Fence

[Watered Garden]

Daryl,

I am offering you my sympathy for the loss of your sister. I can't really say anything other than that I'm so sorry this happened. Cancer sucks! And the lies TWI spread about how it's caused by a devil spirit possessing the unfortunate patient also suck!

God bless you and comfort you.

WG

[rascal]

Hey daryl.... have met and enjoyed your company in chat.... Sounds like you have gained some strengtgh....glad that you felt comfortable enough to be *you* :-)

That is kind of what I am doing as well...relishing being allowed to be *me* since leaving twi....though not to the extent that you had to hide.....I too had to smother who I was ...being a woman in twi... there were a lot of thoughts/behaviors/likes that were not tolerated

[This message was edited by rascal on January 24, 2004 at 22:26.]

Edited January 25, 2004 by Guest