Nightmare... I had a hysterectomy, which put me right in the middle of it. They gave me premarine as a hormone replacement. I gained much weight and went to the Doctor and said I went from a 4/6 to a size 14 in less than 90 days!
My feet swelled....
Now, after years of arguing, they find the Doctor gave me something like 8 times the amount I should have received!
I told the Doctor I wanted something natural but did not think of "pregnant mare urine" as natural per say. (premarine)
Finally, I am on a natural hormone cream and it is better. (If you need the name let me know)
The good news is I do not have to walk down THAT aisle anymore at the grocery store... ;)-->
Oh Cowgirl, we talk about it whether the guys are in there or not. And it's pretty hilarious, so come join us, cuz when we get going, even Herbie blushes!
Well, I don't mean to sound callous about menopause, but I personally can't WAIT for me to go through it. I've always had such a problem with that time of the month. I have never wanted any children and it's just a big bloody mess. Not to mention the pain and irritability.
I've always wanted to throw a party when it happened. You know, serve bloody Mary's (or virgin Mary's for the non-drinkers) and play CDs by "The Cramps" etc.
For me it will be my day of FREEDOM. I'm going to celebrate my new life.
I gotta tell ya...this is the time of life to take all of the pent-up everything you've held onto for all these years and let 'er rip! Harness that "negative" energy and blast the world full in the face with every tirade you've ever wanted to spew. It's so much fun! Then you can look at everybody standing with their mouths agape and say, "Menopause. It's been accepted as a murder defense. Anybody wanna try me?" LMAO!!!!!!!!!
Did you see the movie "Fried Green Tomatoes"? TAWANDA! I especially love the scene where Evelyn (Kathy Bates) has finally found her personal power in the parking lot of the grocery store. A couple of young blond chicky babes steal her parking spot and she's had enough. She rams the perky little chicky babe car in the rear until she's rammed it right out of her parking space! Then she says something like, "You may have perky boobs and good hair, but I've got more insurance than you'll ever know to buy!" (That's not it exactly, but that's the basic message.) It's a wonderful menopause movie. You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll yell, you'll be in good menopause company.
Use the hot flashes to get people to wait on you and do things for you and to get extra breaks at work. Just swoon a bit and whisper with all your pitiful strength, "Menopause. I'm totally at it's mercy." Tee hee! Nobody knows what to do except for those of us who have been there...and most of us will play along 'cause it's sooooooooooo much fun! LMAO!!!!
Menopause is also the time to get anything around the house and yard fixed. Believe me, your husband (if he loves you and wants to keep you as his wife) will do anything you want as long as he knows he won't have to be in the same room with you when you're "in a mood"...and as long as you've let loose on him a couple of times just to make sure he understands that your hormones are RAGING OUT OF CONTROL AND YOU'VE GOT THE POWER TO FOCUS THAT RAGE!!!!!!! Tee hee. (This works on neighborhood men, too, for those who aren't married or don't have an SO.)
Watch "Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood" as many times as you want...and then get a couple of other menopausal friends together and adopt a few wild rituals of your own. It's great expression of things we can't find words for...and it keeps the males and the young women in your life on their toes and wary of messing with you too much. I, personally, attended and organized/hosted quite a few Howlings. LMAO!!!!!!
Adopt a lifestyle of casual nudity. You'll always be able to quickly douse yourself in cold water and nobody will want to visit you unannounced. Saves you having to do too much laundry, too. Hehehehe.
You'll find that your sexuality doesn't just bloom, but it explodes into full glory. Vaginal dryness? There's literally thousands of helpful products on the market. Try them out and pick whatever works best for you. (Always test any product (perfume, makeup, lipstick, shampoo, dye, feminine hygiene, whatever) on the inside of your wrist before using it. If you are going to have an allergic reaction of any kind, it will show up there...before you find out in a very painful and embarrassing way.)
Last but not least, this is a time in life when women lose all need for "help", "direction", or anything else associated with the "frailty of femininity". It is the most holy and sacred of all things in our lives. Once past this stage, a woman is accepted as a wise sage that should not be questioned or disrespected in any way...if you've played your cards right. Live it to the utmost! LOL!
(Can anybody tell I had waaaaaaaaaaay too much fun being menopausal? LOL!)
* You sell your home heating system at a yard sale. (Hot flashes)
* The person you sleep with complains about snow piling up on the bed. (Nightsweats)
* Your husband jokes that instead of buying a wood stove, he is using you to heat the family room this winter. Rather than just saying you are not amused, you shoot him. (Mood swings)
* You write post-it notes with your kid's names on them. (Memory loss)
* Your husband chirps, "Hi honey, I'm home." and you reply, "Well, if it isn't Ozzie f*cking Nelson". (Irritability)
* The phenobarbital dose that wiped out the Heaven's Gate Cult gives you four hours of decent rest. (Sleeplessness)
* You find Guacamole in your hair after a Mexican dinner. (Fatigue)
* You change your underwear after every sneeze. (Mild incontinence)
* You need Jaws Of Life to help you out of your car after returning home from an Italian restaurant. (Sudden weight gain)
* You ask Jiffy Lube to put you up on a hoist. (Dryness)
* You take a sudden interest in "Wrestlemania". (Female hormone deficiency)
* You're on so much estrogen that you take your Brownie troop on a field trip to Chippendales. (Hormone therapy)
I feel like we should run the sound track "Sisters, Sisters..."
I was at a store in the air-conditioned shoe department and broke into a sweat. I looked a fright. It was as if I had run ten miles and this little southern lady walked up to me and said,
for the hot flashes and night sweats, I take 'dong quai' chinese herb, got it at walmart and at gnc,,,, it works,,, gotta start taking it again, haven't been and started up again.
Great list, CW, and the site is now on my favorites list,,, too good to misplace,, thanks
They have super duper high potency plant hormone replacement therapy. It isn't harmful at all, and it works!!! It'll take the bitchies right out from ya ;)-->
Recommended Posts
Cowgirl
Oh Shellon, my most favourite subject !!!!
:D-->
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Zixar
I remember hearing a comedian remark once:
"Why do they call it 'menopause'? It's not like it's going to start back up again. They should call it 'menoSTOP'!"
Secret Signature of the Day==v
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Dot Matrix
Well...
Nightmare... I had a hysterectomy, which put me right in the middle of it. They gave me premarine as a hormone replacement. I gained much weight and went to the Doctor and said I went from a 4/6 to a size 14 in less than 90 days!
My feet swelled....
Now, after years of arguing, they find the Doctor gave me something like 8 times the amount I should have received!
I told the Doctor I wanted something natural but did not think of "pregnant mare urine" as natural per say. (premarine)
Finally, I am on a natural hormone cream and it is better. (If you need the name let me know)
The good news is I do not have to walk down THAT aisle anymore at the grocery store...
;)-->
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Dot Matrix
Zix
We posted at the same time! That IS pretty funny!
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krys
Click on my icon and email me. I'll be happy to answer any question I can.
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Cowgirl
Shellon, I have a cazillion questions about that topic, that would be a great one in the chat room on an all girl's night n'est-ce pas ?!
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jardinero
Oh Cowgirl, we talk about it whether the guys are in there or not. And it's pretty hilarious, so come join us, cuz when we get going, even Herbie blushes!
J.
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Shellon
Hot flashes. suddenly and inexplicably
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jardinero
"Mom, why do you have every window in the house open when it's 40 degrees outside??? We're freezing!!!"
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Shellon
Vaginal Dryness
--> 
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Shellon
WHOA, noone wants to touch that one eh?
ROFL I thought not. My apologies. ummmm lets see, what else?
Irritability?
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vickles
Ok!! I will not try to be a nice person...ok? I will not!!
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RottieGrrrl
Well, I don't mean to sound callous about menopause, but I personally can't WAIT for me to go through it. I've always had such a problem with that time of the month. I have never wanted any children and it's just a big bloody mess. Not to mention the pain and irritability.
I've always wanted to throw a party when it happened. You know, serve bloody Mary's (or virgin Mary's for the non-drinkers) and play CDs by "The Cramps" etc.
For me it will be my day of FREEDOM. I'm going to celebrate my new life.
Cat spelled backwards does NOT spell God!
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Shellon
Excellent idea!
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krys
Masterherbalist recommended something for me via private email a year ago or more...I was suffering so bad with hot flashes, I was getting no sleep.
American Botanical Pharmacy 1-800-HERBDOC
It worked at least as well as hormones I took for about 6 months before the cancer threat scared me off.
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CoolWaters
I gotta tell ya...this is the time of life to take all of the pent-up everything you've held onto for all these years and let 'er rip! Harness that "negative" energy and blast the world full in the face with every tirade you've ever wanted to spew. It's so much fun! Then you can look at everybody standing with their mouths agape and say, "Menopause. It's been accepted as a murder defense. Anybody wanna try me?" LMAO!!!!!!!!!
Did you see the movie "Fried Green Tomatoes"? TAWANDA! I especially love the scene where Evelyn (Kathy Bates) has finally found her personal power in the parking lot of the grocery store. A couple of young blond chicky babes steal her parking spot and she's had enough. She rams the perky little chicky babe car in the rear until she's rammed it right out of her parking space! Then she says something like, "You may have perky boobs and good hair, but I've got more insurance than you'll ever know to buy!" (That's not it exactly, but that's the basic message.) It's a wonderful menopause movie. You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll yell, you'll be in good menopause company.
Use the hot flashes to get people to wait on you and do things for you and to get extra breaks at work. Just swoon a bit and whisper with all your pitiful strength, "Menopause. I'm totally at it's mercy." Tee hee! Nobody knows what to do except for those of us who have been there...and most of us will play along 'cause it's sooooooooooo much fun! LMAO!!!!
Menopause is also the time to get anything around the house and yard fixed. Believe me, your husband (if he loves you and wants to keep you as his wife) will do anything you want as long as he knows he won't have to be in the same room with you when you're "in a mood"...and as long as you've let loose on him a couple of times just to make sure he understands that your hormones are RAGING OUT OF CONTROL AND YOU'VE GOT THE POWER TO FOCUS THAT RAGE!!!!!!! Tee hee. (This works on neighborhood men, too, for those who aren't married or don't have an SO.)
Watch "Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood" as many times as you want...and then get a couple of other menopausal friends together and adopt a few wild rituals of your own. It's great expression of things we can't find words for...and it keeps the males and the young women in your life on their toes and wary of messing with you too much. I, personally, attended and organized/hosted quite a few Howlings. LMAO!!!!!!
Adopt a lifestyle of casual nudity. You'll always be able to quickly douse yourself in cold water and nobody will want to visit you unannounced. Saves you having to do too much laundry, too. Hehehehe.
You'll find that your sexuality doesn't just bloom, but it explodes into full glory. Vaginal dryness? There's literally thousands of helpful products on the market. Try them out and pick whatever works best for you. (Always test any product (perfume, makeup, lipstick, shampoo, dye, feminine hygiene, whatever) on the inside of your wrist before using it. If you are going to have an allergic reaction of any kind, it will show up there...before you find out in a very painful and embarrassing way.)
Last but not least, this is a time in life when women lose all need for "help", "direction", or anything else associated with the "frailty of femininity". It is the most holy and sacred of all things in our lives. Once past this stage, a woman is accepted as a wise sage that should not be questioned or disrespected in any way...if you've played your cards right. Live it to the utmost! LOL!
(Can anybody tell I had waaaaaaaaaaay too much fun being menopausal? LOL!)
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CoolWaters
SIGNS THAT YOU MIGHT BE EXPERIENCING MENOPAUSE
* You sell your home heating system at a yard sale. (Hot flashes)
* The person you sleep with complains about snow piling up on the bed. (Nightsweats)
* Your husband jokes that instead of buying a wood stove, he is using you to heat the family room this winter. Rather than just saying you are not amused, you shoot him. (Mood swings)
* You write post-it notes with your kid's names on them. (Memory loss)
* Your husband chirps, "Hi honey, I'm home." and you reply, "Well, if it isn't Ozzie f*cking Nelson". (Irritability)
* The phenobarbital dose that wiped out the Heaven's Gate Cult gives you four hours of decent rest. (Sleeplessness)
* You find Guacamole in your hair after a Mexican dinner. (Fatigue)
* You change your underwear after every sneeze. (Mild incontinence)
* You need Jaws Of Life to help you out of your car after returning home from an Italian restaurant. (Sudden weight gain)
* You ask Jiffy Lube to put you up on a hoist. (Dryness)
* You take a sudden interest in "Wrestlemania". (Female hormone deficiency)
* You're on so much estrogen that you take your Brownie troop on a field trip to Chippendales. (Hormone therapy)
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CoolWaters
Minnie Moments
You all have GOT to go to this site! It saved my brain!
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Shellon
Our mothers, definatly our grandmothers surely didn't discuss it.
My take on it is that it's part of life and can be talked about and we might as well laugh about the funny parts; why not?
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tcat5
LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL Cool Waters your list is a perfect description of me! And especially the memory loss....................
Oh yeah where was I? hee hee. Uuumm any way I always call it mental pause, cause I can't rememeber sh!t any more.
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nolongerlurking
I have bipolar disorder and am going thru menopause at the same time. Imagine the possibilities.....
nolongerworking
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Dot Matrix
WOW
I feel like we should run the sound track "Sisters, Sisters..."
I was at a store in the air-conditioned shoe department and broke into a sweat. I looked a fright. It was as if I had run ten miles and this little southern lady walked up to me and said,
"Are you having a private summer, dear?"
I belly laughed!!!!!!
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GodsDee
~~~CH-Ch-CH-changes~~~
for the hot flashes and night sweats, I take 'dong quai' chinese herb, got it at walmart and at gnc,,,, it works,,, gotta start taking it again, haven't been and started up again.
Great list, CW, and the site is now on my favorites list,,, too good to misplace,, thanks
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Wacky Funster
Woman's International Pharmacy
1-800-279-5708
They have super duper high potency plant hormone replacement therapy. It isn't harmful at all, and it works!!! It'll take the bitchies right out from ya
;)-->
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