So I'm driving my rented metallic blue Toyota Corrolla to work this morning, when I feel the need to stop at the local Dunkin Donuts for an iced coffee. Driving along, I'm about 3 or 4 sips into the beverage, enjoying the morning, when something happened that will forever change my life. The cover suddenly jumped off the cup as the cup proceeded to flip upside down pouring the contents out, seemingly all over my lap and the console. However, after the initial shock I was confused to find no liquid on any of my clothing. After a quick further review, there was also no liquid to be found on the car seats or floor. You see, the entire iced coffee, every drop of it flowed directly into the two plastic sealed cupholders within the console. Of course the aforementioned cupholders were just large enough to house a medium iced coffee, but too small to allow me to scoop the contents out with the only tool available - the now empty Dunkin Donuts cup. I was then forced to drive quite defensively, turning was particularly challenging, as to not give gravity an excuse to overflow icey drink onto the seats or myself. That was 7 hours ago. The coffee is still there, I just don't have the heart to remove it. You see, I think all this happened for a reason, I think I may be Jesus. That coupled with the fact that I saw a horse walking on Wollaston beach today. Email me for pics (of the coffee, not the horse).
Is this what you've been reading lately for entertainment? Well, I guess it has been more than a little slow around here.
I thought "to the b*tch in line at Farenheit 9/11 last night . . . " was sort of amusing. For some reason it brought a flashback of standing in line for coffee at the ROA too early in the morning one year. Some leadership wannabe organized (or rather assigned) a few of us in front and behind him in line to be in a "believers' meeting" with him . I was smoking a cigarette and didn't even think to put it out, while he launched into a too-long prayer, then started calling on people for tongues and the rest of it. Afterward he blasted, and I mean blasted, me for smoking (as if there had ever been a prohibition against smoking up to that point). I wish I had thought to respond the way the Farenheit guy did.
I almost saw Farenheit, but I don't do long lines anymore, so we saw Before Sunset instead. Probably the better choice, anyway. The lines for Farenheit are gone now, but now that I've heard so much about the movie, I think I've lost interest.
If you enjoy the accidental humor that is born of frustration and outrage, and can laugh at the efforts of people who try a little too hard to turn it into something profound, think about picking up one of those books on tape of Garrison Keillor's Love Me -- about a best-selling author turned advice columnist who, after being hired by the New Yorker, ends up with writer's block. His efforts exceed those of the haiku you posted.
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satori001
Here is one example:
FREE PUPPY
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Reply to: anon-34182919@craigslist.org
Date: Sat Jun 19 09:33:22 2004
My brother has a very cute male dachshund "mix" puppy named MAX that he needs to give to a good home.
he's excellent with kids, loyal, playful, HOUSEBROKEN, and friendly.
So is the dog.
the reason he needs to give it away is his wife.
she claims it keeps "staring" at her and gives her the "heebie jeebies".
anyway, there's a pic of the puppy below.
Please respond ASAP.
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satori001
By popular demand, one more:
So I'm driving my rented metallic blue Toyota Corrolla to work this morning, when I feel the need to stop at the local Dunkin Donuts for an iced coffee. Driving along, I'm about 3 or 4 sips into the beverage, enjoying the morning, when something happened that will forever change my life. The cover suddenly jumped off the cup as the cup proceeded to flip upside down pouring the contents out, seemingly all over my lap and the console. However, after the initial shock I was confused to find no liquid on any of my clothing. After a quick further review, there was also no liquid to be found on the car seats or floor. You see, the entire iced coffee, every drop of it flowed directly into the two plastic sealed cupholders within the console. Of course the aforementioned cupholders were just large enough to house a medium iced coffee, but too small to allow me to scoop the contents out with the only tool available - the now empty Dunkin Donuts cup. I was then forced to drive quite defensively, turning was particularly challenging, as to not give gravity an excuse to overflow icey drink onto the seats or myself. That was 7 hours ago. The coffee is still there, I just don't have the heart to remove it. You see, I think all this happened for a reason, I think I may be Jesus. That coupled with the fact that I saw a horse walking on Wollaston beach today. Email me for pics (of the coffee, not the horse).
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satori001
Okay, okay. You people are insatiable.
Haiku Rant: Your exploding car, My melted tail-light
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Reply to: anon-34352348@craigslist.org
Date: Mon Jun 21 13:27:20 2004
Parked out in the shade
Away from the other cars
My Passat wagon
Deaf puppy in back
Napping away peacefully
As I went shopping
Cries from Old Navy
"Smoke, smoke!" I didn't hear them
But my friend sure did
As she ran outside
You stopped your car behind mine
Everyone jumped out
6 freakin' people
Like clowns in a Volkswagen
Packed in your Mustang
Perpendicular
5 feet off my back bumper
Smoking like crazy
Your exploding car
Engulfed in flame, how it burns!
Goodbye, fuzzy dice
The puppy looks out
She cannot hear the sirens
She just sees the flames
A witness panics
As my friend runs like crazy
To get the dog out
She reaches inside
The window, cracked just enough
The puppy is safe
Your car burns like hell
Explosive shrapnel, fire hose
Firemen chop away
Their axes help not
Your car burns to frame and ash
There is nothing left
My melted tail-light
Some dings and nicks from shrapnel
It could have been worse
But then, you question
"How do we know that's from us?"
You get defensive
The car's 6 months old
No, I didn't have that ding
Or the window crack
And last time I checked
Passat tail-lights don't just melt
Of their own accord
Talk to Triple A
Oh, you don't have insurance?
Of course not! That's great
Your flame-throwing car
Could have burned up the puppy
You don't seem to care
Note to self, genius:
Pull to the side of the road
When your car's on fire
Crowded parking lots
Are no place to bring a car
To let it burn up
I'm very grateful
For "Uninsured Motorist"
I guess I'll need it
Well, on the plus side
I got some Old Navy deals
Love those cargo shorts
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laleo
Is this what you've been reading lately for entertainment? Well, I guess it has been more than a little slow around here.
I thought "to the b*tch in line at Farenheit 9/11 last night . . . " was sort of amusing. For some reason it brought a flashback of standing in line for coffee at the ROA too early in the morning one year. Some leadership wannabe organized (or rather assigned) a few of us in front and behind him in line to be in a "believers' meeting" with him . I was smoking a cigarette and didn't even think to put it out, while he launched into a too-long prayer, then started calling on people for tongues and the rest of it. Afterward he blasted, and I mean blasted, me for smoking (as if there had ever been a prohibition against smoking up to that point). I wish I had thought to respond the way the Farenheit guy did.
I almost saw Farenheit, but I don't do long lines anymore, so we saw Before Sunset instead. Probably the better choice, anyway. The lines for Farenheit are gone now, but now that I've heard so much about the movie, I think I've lost interest.
If you enjoy the accidental humor that is born of frustration and outrage, and can laugh at the efforts of people who try a little too hard to turn it into something profound, think about picking up one of those books on tape of Garrison Keillor's Love Me -- about a best-selling author turned advice columnist who, after being hired by the New Yorker, ends up with writer's block. His efforts exceed those of the haiku you posted.
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satori001
I'm a big Keillor fan. I'll look for it.
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Bluzeman
Man, Satori, the first thing I would say is, where do you find sick twisted stuff like this?
The second thing is...Keep up the good work
:)-->
Rick
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TheInvisibleDan
Wow - what a very well done Rant on Cheeseburgers!
The McDs looks especially disgusting (lol).
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