When I get *reproved* here on GSCafe for my moral, political, or doctrinal positions/beliefs that I think I am right about -- I treat it as I do in "real life", and just say :
Um, excuse me, are you lost? This topic doesn't belong here, bucko, now does it? A more intelligent person would have known to put it in Open.
It definitely depends on who(m?) -- where's Zixar? -- it's coming from. It either annoys me, amuses me, puzzles me, infuriates me, surprises me (though rarely enlightens me), depending on all those things you mention: tone, source, content, intent, punctuation, repetition. Am I too quick to apologize when someone else takes offense? Well, if I am, nobody's pointed that out to me. Yet. I eagerly await their insight.
Personally, I don't mind the "logical" reproof. The "emotional" reproof usually doesn't inspire me to look inward for ways to improve myself. I feel like I'm being manipulated. The "stealth" reproof (another form of "emotional" if you ask me) has the same effect. I dismiss it, eventually, with or without letting the person know what I think of his/her sage advice. Also, I think that whether or not something "sounds" like reproof to me sometimes reflects my own mood, rather than the other person's intent.
Overall, though, the "reproof" has been good for me. Before GS, I had a knack for remembering every slight and was skilled in holding grudges. Over time here, I've learned it isn't worth it, if only because it's too much to try keep track of it all. There are too many insults and too many handles that are phonetically similar so I can't remember who it is I'm supposed to be indignant with, or why. If they leave enough of an impression, though, I'm tempted to get even.
Truthfully, I think the "reproof" says more about the person delivering it than the recipient. For example, it often seems like the most stubborn people are the ones who complain that others are close-minded. And the most selfish complain that others aren't "loving." And on and on. I think Jesus said something about taking the mote out of our own eye first. It's good advice. I occasionally manage to follow it.
Are you planning to answer any of your questions? How about you? Are you a "stealth," "emotional," or "logical" reprover? Are you embarrassed, ashamed, angry, when you're on the receiving end? How about when you're on the giving end?
quote: Truthfully, I think the "reproof" says more about the person delivering it than the recipient. For example, it often seems like the most stubborn people are the ones who complain that others are close-minded. And the most selfish complain that others aren't "loving." And on and on.
"How about you? Are you a "stealth," "emotional," or "logical" reprover? Are you embarrassed, ashamed, angry, when you're on the receiving end? How about when you're on the giving end?"
All of the above and none of them. Depends on the day, my mood, the other person, the context - there are a ton of variables.
However, in general, when I disagree with someone and express my different opinion I don't see that as reproof, just an exchange of thoughts and opinions. I try to see the other POV and be respectful. But, there are days when I just vent and there are those (very few) who I simply don't have much respect for. I'd say the same is probably true when someone expresses a difference of opinion from me.
In face to face situations, it's pretty much the same. If my boss comes to me and shows me a mistake I made, it is no big deal to me. Why? Because he is very nice about it and, like me, recognizes we are all human and make mistakes. So I correct the mistake without any fuss or embarrassment.
On the other hand, there is a girl at work who I think is a real bitch and tends to get rather rude with people. If she were to get rude with me, I'd most likely return the favor.
My answer to above question, Satori, is ditto to Laleo's dissertation plus, hum, recognizing that when some people snap at others and then expect them to apologize is expecting the snapee to go against human nature. Fight or flight syndrome comes into play and most fight on that point.
Reproof is a term I don't use anymore. If you tell me I did something to you that was insensitive, I usually apologize right away. If you tear into me, I usually fight.
Are they right? Or did I communicate my point poorly? Either way, I usually apologize. People deserve to hear the word "sowwy" and the retraction if I just opened mouth and inserted foot.
Are they wrong, or are they insulting? I may go around with them for a couple of posts, but no more, on a given subject. It just isn't worth it to clog a thread with, "I am not!" "You are, too!" I think it makes me look bad, right or wrong, to continue to harangue. And I trust that most readers get it.
Just as an aside, my opinion, if they insult me I try not to come back in kind because that just adds fuel to the flame. I do, however, state my point again and hopefully, more clearly, to try to clarify what I meant if they misunderstood me.
I think it's better to try to gain a friend than to make my point if they still don't get it. After that, I usually just let it drop.
I handle reproof well when deserved and handled correctly.
When someone comes up to me and starts with I'm wrong and they are gonna prove it. WATCH OUT. Come up to me and say hey lets talk about this and see what we can do. Well I bend over to try and resolve the problem.
I tell all my employees that there are only two types of people who don't make mistakes. Dead people and people that don't do anything. I have found that if I show them what was done wrong and what the right way was, then their is no argument.
I don't take confrontation too well. I do change my ways and get allong with people very well when agression is kept down.
Reproof? What reproof? Never got it. I think people more of like feel sorry for me.. perfect example of what twenty years in a cult can do to a person, heh heh.
Reproof? What reproof? Never got it. I think people more of like feel sorry for me.. perfect example of what twenty years in a cult can do to a person, heh heh.
it devastates me. It's like some ol' devil spirit slugged me right betwixed the ol' earballs.
I crawl over to a corner, assume a sitting fetal position, grab my blankee and suck my thumb and start stroking my nose. Sometimes I like to rock back and forth too.
I lose my appetite for days at a time, the idea of food in any form absolutely repulses me. In times like this I rarely eat more than eight or nine times a day.
Self esteem, I have none. I am reduced to the four year old child who, when dad was mad at me, had to go play in the basemment of the outhouse.
I am so filled with self loathing I pull out my cat-o-nine-tails, and start flagellating my back. I try, I flail, I flail, I cry out and try harder and flail some some more, it is so hard to flagellate when your back is against the wall. I am covered in a pile of shredded wallboard dust, insulation, and framing splinters. But the fresh air from outside mixed the plaster dust both delights and chokes the soul.
Yes, I'm starting to feel better. I break out of the gloom, I break out of the spiderwebs. (Where'd these come from? How long have I been in the corner?) I put on the teakettle just so I can built up some self esteem. I boil some eggs so I can break outta the shell. I put on Rodney Dangerfield.
Oh yes, I am definitely coming out of it and now I want revenge. I want e-vile revenge, I want bloody revenge, I want sweet revenge, I want freddy kreuger revenge, I need an aspirin. God, I also need a thesaurus.
I read and re-read the offending poster. I pick apart the weaknesses in his post until my hands get tweezer spasms and I must stop. My mind boils at a thousand miles a minute as I plot out a scalding reply. I want to put the fear of Bob in him. I want to reduce him to a smoking okie, like a texan on a lambchop. I want to make him wish he'd never left the comfort of the household of the way!
MuuuHaahahaaaa.....
Feeling ready now, I turn on my beast and power on the net.
I find the GreaseSpot.
I find the post:
OH YEAH!
Lal-Lay-Yo, you are dead wrong!!!
It wasn't "Jesus said something about taking the mote out of our own eye first." it was:
Quit trying to take the moat out of your neighbors eye when you got Jim Beam in your own eye!
Are they right? Or did I communicate my point poorly? Either way, I usually apologize. People deserve to hear the word "sowwy" and the retraction if I just opened mouth and inserted foot.
Are they wrong, or are they insulting? I may go around with them for a couple of posts, but no more, on a given subject. It just isn't worth it to clog a thread with, "I am not!" "You are, too!" I think it makes me look bad, right or wrong, to continue to harangue. And I trust that most readers get it.
Regards,
Shaz
Exactly how I feel Shaz...why fight? Or try to even stick up for yourself after a couple of posts? It makes that person look even worse. Better to shrug it off and let it go...its not like its someone you see personally everyday anyway.
What was the official TWI definition of "reproof," according to abusage?
Wasn't it more to do straightening you out, or was that correction?
Doctrine = "do this"
Reproof = "you didn't do this, you did that"
Correction = "now that you know that's wrong, do this"
How does all this compare with ordinary, run of the mill, human interaction - without all the cult baggage? People reprove one another all the time. They use other standards than the bible. Which standards?
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dmiller
When I get *reproved* here on GSCafe for my moral, political, or doctrinal positions/beliefs that I think I am right about -- I treat it as I do in "real life", and just say :
I DON'T GIVE A RAY!
:D-->
Ps -- RAY = Rat's foot Y'all
:)-->
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dmiller
and -- I especially don't give a RAY, if the spelling is incorrect. If'n yer gonna criticize get the speeling coyrekt!
Like the word *than* -- fer instance!
;)-->
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laleo
Um, excuse me, are you lost? This topic doesn't belong here, bucko, now does it? A more intelligent person would have known to put it in Open.
It definitely depends on who(m?) -- where's Zixar? -- it's coming from. It either annoys me, amuses me, puzzles me, infuriates me, surprises me (though rarely enlightens me), depending on all those things you mention: tone, source, content, intent, punctuation, repetition. Am I too quick to apologize when someone else takes offense? Well, if I am, nobody's pointed that out to me. Yet. I eagerly await their insight.
Personally, I don't mind the "logical" reproof. The "emotional" reproof usually doesn't inspire me to look inward for ways to improve myself. I feel like I'm being manipulated. The "stealth" reproof (another form of "emotional" if you ask me) has the same effect. I dismiss it, eventually, with or without letting the person know what I think of his/her sage advice. Also, I think that whether or not something "sounds" like reproof to me sometimes reflects my own mood, rather than the other person's intent.
Overall, though, the "reproof" has been good for me. Before GS, I had a knack for remembering every slight and was skilled in holding grudges. Over time here, I've learned it isn't worth it, if only because it's too much to try keep track of it all. There are too many insults and too many handles that are phonetically similar so I can't remember who it is I'm supposed to be indignant with, or why. If they leave enough of an impression, though, I'm tempted to get even.
Truthfully, I think the "reproof" says more about the person delivering it than the recipient. For example, it often seems like the most stubborn people are the ones who complain that others are close-minded. And the most selfish complain that others aren't "loving." And on and on. I think Jesus said something about taking the mote out of our own eye first. It's good advice. I occasionally manage to follow it.
Are you planning to answer any of your questions? How about you? Are you a "stealth," "emotional," or "logical" reprover? Are you embarrassed, ashamed, angry, when you're on the receiving end? How about when you're on the giving end?
What are your thoughts?
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dmiller
Well said!!
:)--> 
:)--> 
:)-->
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Jim
I try to avoid reproof by thinking before I type. It mostly works.
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Abigail
"How about you? Are you a "stealth," "emotional," or "logical" reprover? Are you embarrassed, ashamed, angry, when you're on the receiving end? How about when you're on the giving end?"
All of the above and none of them. Depends on the day, my mood, the other person, the context - there are a ton of variables.
However, in general, when I disagree with someone and express my different opinion I don't see that as reproof, just an exchange of thoughts and opinions. I try to see the other POV and be respectful. But, there are days when I just vent and there are those (very few) who I simply don't have much respect for. I'd say the same is probably true when someone expresses a difference of opinion from me.
In face to face situations, it's pretty much the same. If my boss comes to me and shows me a mistake I made, it is no big deal to me. Why? Because he is very nice about it and, like me, recognizes we are all human and make mistakes. So I correct the mistake without any fuss or embarrassment.
On the other hand, there is a girl at work who I think is a real bitch and tends to get rather rude with people. If she were to get rude with me, I'd most likely return the favor.
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waterbuffalo
Laleo, I LOVE the way you write!
My answer to above question, Satori, is ditto to Laleo's dissertation plus, hum, recognizing that when some people snap at others and then expect them to apologize is expecting the snapee to go against human nature. Fight or flight syndrome comes into play and most fight on that point.
Reproof is a term I don't use anymore. If you tell me I did something to you that was insensitive, I usually apologize right away. If you tear into me, I usually fight.
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shazdancer
How do I respond to Gspot reproof? It depends...
Are they right? Or did I communicate my point poorly? Either way, I usually apologize. People deserve to hear the word "sowwy" and the retraction if I just opened mouth and inserted foot.
Are they wrong, or are they insulting? I may go around with them for a couple of posts, but no more, on a given subject. It just isn't worth it to clog a thread with, "I am not!" "You are, too!" I think it makes me look bad, right or wrong, to continue to harangue. And I trust that most readers get it.
Regards,
Shaz
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waterbuffalo
Just as an aside, my opinion, if they insult me I try not to come back in kind because that just adds fuel to the flame. I do, however, state my point again and hopefully, more clearly, to try to clarify what I meant if they misunderstood me.
I think it's better to try to gain a friend than to make my point if they still don't get it. After that, I usually just let it drop.
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satori001
In deference to laleo's reproof, I will add a TWI reference to the introductory post.
Sheesh.
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satori001
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A la prochaine
I decided to look up the word reproof/reprove in my handy dandy Oxford Concise Dictionary.
After reading those definitions, I'm not interested in partaking in any such actions. Just a tad too harsh for me thank you very much.
I try to stear clear of reprobates myself.
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ex70sHouston
I handle reproof well when deserved and handled correctly.
When someone comes up to me and starts with I'm wrong and they are gonna prove it. WATCH OUT. Come up to me and say hey lets talk about this and see what we can do. Well I bend over to try and resolve the problem.
I tell all my employees that there are only two types of people who don't make mistakes. Dead people and people that don't do anything. I have found that if I show them what was done wrong and what the right way was, then their is no argument.
I don't take confrontation too well. I do change my ways and get allong with people very well when agression is kept down.
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Ham
Reproof? What reproof? Never got it. I think people more of like feel sorry for me.. perfect example of what twenty years in a cult can do to a person, heh heh.
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Ham
"I was a human being, once".
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houseisarockin
You'd take it well no doubt Mr. Hammeroni.
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waterbuffalo
Now, here's an example of someone making a joke and it was taken seriously:
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dabobbada
How Do I Handle Reproof on Greasespot?
Ohhh god,..................
I............
can't... cope!
It,....
it devastates me. It's like some ol' devil spirit slugged me right betwixed the ol' earballs.
I crawl over to a corner, assume a sitting fetal position, grab my blankee and suck my thumb and start stroking my nose. Sometimes I like to rock back and forth too.
I lose my appetite for days at a time, the idea of food in any form absolutely repulses me. In times like this I rarely eat more than eight or nine times a day.
Self esteem, I have none. I am reduced to the four year old child who, when dad was mad at me, had to go play in the basemment of the outhouse.
I am so filled with self loathing I pull out my cat-o-nine-tails, and start flagellating my back. I try, I flail, I flail, I cry out and try harder and flail some some more, it is so hard to flagellate when your back is against the wall. I am covered in a pile of shredded wallboard dust, insulation, and framing splinters. But the fresh air from outside mixed the plaster dust both delights and chokes the soul.
Yes, I'm starting to feel better. I break out of the gloom, I break out of the spiderwebs. (Where'd these come from? How long have I been in the corner?) I put on the teakettle just so I can built up some self esteem. I boil some eggs so I can break outta the shell. I put on Rodney Dangerfield.
Oh yes, I am definitely coming out of it and now I want revenge. I want e-vile revenge, I want bloody revenge, I want sweet revenge, I want freddy kreuger revenge, I need an aspirin. God, I also need a thesaurus.
I read and re-read the offending poster. I pick apart the weaknesses in his post until my hands get tweezer spasms and I must stop. My mind boils at a thousand miles a minute as I plot out a scalding reply. I want to put the fear of Bob in him. I want to reduce him to a smoking okie, like a texan on a lambchop. I want to make him wish he'd never left the comfort of the household of the way!
MuuuHaahahaaaa.....
Feeling ready now, I turn on my beast and power on the net.
I find the GreaseSpot.
I find the post:
OH YEAH!
Lal-Lay-Yo, you are dead wrong!!!
It wasn't "Jesus said something about taking the mote out of our own eye first." it was:
Quit trying to take the moat out of your neighbors eye when you got Jim Beam in your own eye!
.......SO THERE!
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A la prochaine
I personally hate these words ... reprove, reproof and rebuke ... let alone what they are and their actions.
Doesn't suit me at all.
I hopefully left those behind in twi-abuse-land.
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vickles
Exactly how I feel Shaz...why fight? Or try to even stick up for yourself after a couple of posts? It makes that person look even worse. Better to shrug it off and let it go...its not like its someone you see personally everyday anyway.
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waterbuffalo
Ala, I sent you a pt last wk
:)-->
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satori001
waterbuffalo,
I've known laleo for a long time on these forums. I know her humor pretty well, and hope she knows mine (such as it is). My reply was tongue-in-cheek.
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satori001
What was the official TWI definition of "reproof," according to abusage?
Wasn't it more to do straightening you out, or was that correction?
Doctrine = "do this"
Reproof = "you didn't do this, you did that"
Correction = "now that you know that's wrong, do this"
How does all this compare with ordinary, run of the mill, human interaction - without all the cult baggage? People reprove one another all the time. They use other standards than the bible. Which standards?
-
edited for punked u-ation
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vickles
Why satori, reproof in twi language means in your face, spit so they get their germs on ya and look like a bull in a china closet...don't ya know?
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