I agree. I think society (perhaps a lot less so today) and religion- some more than others- try to put you and relationships in a "one size fits all" box. I too gave up a lot- favorite "devilish" music, some beliefs and opinions that I now see were not so far off what some would regard the truth, and a little common sense. In short, a lot of individuality.
I think giving in on "insignificant" matters was a real problem. These are often the matters that make us us.
After leaving der ministry, a lot came back to me. My musical choices took up where they left off in the early 1970's. I found that I could agree with some of the republican party line, but agree with a lot of the points the democrats were making. I think the perceived change may have scared the crap out of those around me at first.
Kinda funny.. I see young folks getting married and started in life. Sometimes I think, those "poor suckers" have absolutley NO IDEA of who or what they just married, heh heh. Not a remote clue. Just wait twenty years, you may find out.
It's hard to live in a small box forever. I think we were encouraged to hold on so tightly to the guidelines that much individuality was lost. At least that was true for me.
I would be curious to see how the psychological changes in former cult members compare to POWs. There are similar stories of awkward, painful adjustment followed by a renewed sense of living.
On a lighter note, I'm thrilled for you Belle. About two years gone from TWI myself and I am just now starting to get that feeling. Congratulations!
I was chatting with a wonderful GSpot last night and how my family is ecstatic to have me back 100%. My grandmother said that even when I was there, I wasn't there when I was in TWI and married to my ex.
May I start with the joy your example has been. I heard nearly the same wording about myself, not being there when I was, and how I'm more myself.
I quit my hobbies because it was selfish and taking away from the work of the ministry.
You became you own worst critic when it came to accounting for your time, there was such demands upon you, wasn't there?
I quit voicing my opinion because the husband is the head of the household.
We didn't give it up right away did we? But in time it just seemed easier on yourself to quietly obey didn't it?
I quit talking to my friends because I have no friends when it comes to The Word.
I maintained a few, but time was limited so had little to give them.
I quit giving people the benefit of the doubt and being nice to them because they were Word Rejectors or just idiots because they didn't believe what I did.
This one bites doesn't it? All I want to remember of it right now.
I had to limit my time with my true family because they weren't in TWI and my mom was rebellious and a bad influence on me.
This one was difficult to deal with, when I recognized I was doing that I so hated the reflection looking back in the mirror Belle.
I had to find humor and fun in things other than what I was accustomed to;
And lousy humor at that.
I was basically expected to become a stepford wife in TWIt's sense of the word.
Do you have the white dress with the pink ribbon at the waist and matching purse? I particularly enjoyed that ensemble. NOT!
Your description of what you've gained back is so rewarding for us to read. Consider the ones that haven't made that jump yet. They need it most of all. You've done us good in your description. Thank you Belle.
Anyone else feel like this? Those who were raised in TWI, your personality was largely formed during your time in TWI if you were in it for most of your life. Do you feel like you've changed since leaving or do you think your authentic self has stayed the same?
I've regained what I never had, therefore probably cannot use "re" can I? I don't even know all that lies ahead, but the ride and the show so far has been believe it or not, worth the cost almost. Crazy as that may sound.
I think all of the above points apply to me but more important was my view of who God and Jesus christ is in my life.
The body of christ was so tiny in twi.. how massive it became when I no longer viewed the world with eyes of suspicsion and often times down right threats.
I no longer view the world as an evil place I must fight for God to love me more than the rest. I no longer need to think people are out to get me , this allowed me the ability to find love with my family and the people of this world at large.
I was disappointed you see by the christians i met In twi ,those who where suppose to be the "best" and I knew they were as evil as they can be.
what do I have to lose with an "unbeliever" ?
the ability to understand and be honest allowed me to know how God is also honest and capable of a huge amount of love beyond my understanding or "doing" anything worthy of.
To be authentic is rare enough. It's something I strive for. But the environment, beliefs, lingo, culture, "feel", expectations, group dyamic, etc, produced such an unreality! So freaky. It's hard to know how to "get back". Sometimes just 'letting go' and "being" works. Sometimes we need a bit of help...
I think a lot of the changes that occurred to me when was in in twi, were "surface changes". My authentic self was never really gone, it was just supressed beneath the surface. So much of the twi changes were behavioral in nature...wayspeak, waythink, wayactivities, etc, etc. As soon as I left twi, there was an enormous elation and feeling of new found freedom. It was just the "true me" resurfacing.
Thank you all very much for your replies. I was already in my 20's by the time I got involved, so I pretty much had a personality and "authentic self" established when I got involved. I wonder about those who were raised in TWI and if it was harder to leave and to "find yourself" because of the influence on who you are growing up in TWI.
Steve! Awesome freedom!! Yes, Indeed!! :D-->
Mr. H, that “devilish” music, those opinions, beliefs and interests are what make us who we are and TWI’s ability to convince us to give those things up or change our thinking was a major step toward them “shaping” the person they wanted us to be (which was just like them).
I remember all too well the “yield on insignificant matters” teachings, especially in a marriage. You’re absolutely right that those are the things that build who we are. We can only deny our true feelings, likes, dislikes and the core of our being for so long before we explode or implode.
The pressure to conform and be “like-minded” wasn’t just like-mindedness that they wanted. They wanted robots who look, act, think and speak all alike. It’s easier to control that way.
JT, that would be an interesting topic. I also think of long term prisoners, like from Shawshank Redemption. They’ve had so many decisions made for them most of their lives that it must be scary to have to think for yourself. And thanks for the congrats! :D--> I feel like I’m healing by leaps and bounds some days and other days are really bad. Knowing how much love and support I have – especially the unconditional love of my family – keeps me going. The same for most of us here, I’m sure.
House – I just gotta say you are one sharp cookie! I appreciate how much YOU bring to our little corner of cyberspace. :)-->
TWI did do an excellent job of making us feel selfish if we wanted to spend time on anything outside of TWI, money, too. God forbid we should frivilously spend money that should be going to “the movement of the Word”, especiallly since we had heard what dire straights the ministry was in.
I think the growing tendency to just shut up and submit to whatever your husband or leaders told you to do has given me pause to understand a little better how battered women must feel. I’m glad that you feel so much more freedom and ability to really be yourself and to spend time discovering who that is! Were you raised in TWI or did you get in at a very young age and that’s why you’re regaining what you never had?
MJ – Isn’t it great to realize a relationship with Jesus that we weren’t allowed to have? They kept telling us that God is good always and that other religions were so wrong to teach that God was some ogre dishing out punishments and killing people left and right. That good God that they taught, though, was just as bad in his “respect of conditions” and all the hoops we had to jump through just to “stand approved” before Him. Thankfully, we can realize and experience a much more loving, caring God than TWI ever imagined teaching us about.
Evan – You’re right about being “authentic”, but I do think that we are allowed to “be ourselves” and to make decisions, do things and spend our money the way we want to without the conditions and fear TWI placed on us. We can choose our own words, who we want to be friends with and in general “just be” without the fear of TWI-made consequences looming over our heads. I think just realizing that and living it is a huge step toward growth.
Frank – Isn’t it a great feeling?!? I, too, have experienced so much more “charity” and kindness since leaving. Laughing is so much more sincere and spontaneous now – down to snorting and deep belly laughs! I imagine most of us could ask friends and co-workers about the changes in us as we left and they would probably say that we seemed a lot more relaxed and less stressed as the first and foremost indication of a change in our lives. So glad you’re here!
UH – What you describe sounds like “cognitive dissonance” to me and I think you’re right on. We were so busy going through the motions and doing/saying/trying to think the right things to fit in and be “good”, but underneath was a volcano of our “true selves” trying so hard to bubble to the top. I think part of that’s why I feel like I’ve been able to bounce back so much quicker than I thought I would. My family, especially my mom and grandmother, always talked to me like I was my old self. My mom would send me “girlfriend” type little books and it always made me sad because I used to have close girlfriends like that, but gave them up for TWI and I really missed those “true” friendships where you could talk to one another about anything and everything and know that you were still going to be accepted and loved. My girlfriends having kids, buying houses and experiencing “normal” life was also a big reminder that I didn’t have a “normal” life and never would if I stayed in TWI. It’s so good to have the “true” self back to the top of the surface, isn’t it? :)-->
I experienced nearly identical changes while in twi (clearly we had the same kind of husband!) and received the same kind of comments when I got out. Even my son (who never knew me pre-twi) comments about how different I am now... how much more fun I am now. I stress to him that THIS is the real me, not the way I was!
And the comment about how small the body of christ was while in twi... I remember a distinct feeling I got the day after I parted company with the twits: suddenly the whole world seemed HUGE and open and full of possibilities. It was the first time I realized what a teeny-tiny-little-itsy-bitsy box I had put myself into over the years.
I saw the personality changes also. The group think mode and mimicking the leader is a classic cult syndrome.
Everyone has a personality that is uniquely them, and can never be removed. It can be suppressed, but is always retrievable (at least according to Steve Hassan – I read his book also).
A lot of times, I found myself mimicking Craig. At the time, it seemed right. Now it is abhorrent.
I'm glad to be myself again. Have been for some time now and the air is so much fresher.
I can relate to the being scared, as probably most can.
I do get the impression that a large number of people never did find themselves again, but ended up switching to another group to continue the impressed personality.
.....TWI’s ability to convince us to give those things up or change our thinking was a major step toward them “shaping” the person they wanted us to be (which was just like them).
I remember all too well the “yield on insignificant matters” teachings, especially in a marriage. You’re absolutely right that those are the things that build who we are. We can only deny our true feelings, likes, dislikes and the core of our being for so long before we explode or implode.
The pressure to conform and be “like-minded” wasn’t just like-mindedness that they wanted. They wanted robots who look, act, think and speak all alike. It’s easier to control that way.
Im unable to say things of a personal nature, and I know you well understand such things. But your words above mirror my thoughts so I had to repost them.
House – I just gotta say you are one sharp cookie! I appreciate how much YOU bring to our little corner of cyberspace. :)-->
TWI did do an excellent job of making us feel selfish if we wanted to spend time on anything outside of TWI, money, too. God forbid we should frivilously spend money that should be going to “the movement of the Word”, especiallly since we had heard what dire straights the ministry was in.
If you truly believed in what you fought for then you had to question your enthusiasm to give all you had all of the time. Questioning if priorities had shifted. Looking back on it now I'm amazed at how well I learned to be my own cult, controller and subject. How else could we buy it Belle, how else could we look ourselves in the mirror for what we sold out.
I think the growing tendency to just shut up and submit to whatever your husband or leaders told you to do has given me pause to understand a little better how battered women must feel. I’m glad that you feel so much more freedom and ability to really be yourself and to spend time discovering who that is!
Quiet obedience is a powerful thing. What takes that action when redirected can be interesting to say the least. I have gained freedom to be, simply that. I was young when last I tasted that. How fortunate for me to be reunited.
Were it not for dear friends I'd yet be lost.
Were you raised in TWI or did you get in at a very young age and that’s why you’re regaining what you never had?
I was married with a family when I became acquainted and was with them for a little under 20 years and it hasn't been too terribly long since I left them.
.....Thankfully, we can realize and experience a much more loving, caring God than TWI ever imagined teaching us about.
How sweet it is.
.....We were so busy going through the motions and doing/saying/trying to think the right things to fit in and be “good”, but underneath was a volcano of our “true selves” trying so hard to bubble to the top.
So is this where I stand up and say Amen Sister? :)-->
Before TWI dope culture was my "religion". Dope definitely affected who I was and TWI did give me a good vehicle to get away from my dope friends and overcome dope for good. However, I remember being in a Presbyterian church which my family attended for awhile and thinking, "Gee, these 'trinity devil spirits' are sure a lot more loving than those 'faithful in the household a**holes' that were in TWI. Why, we'd have never thawt eet!"
My family notices a HUGE change in me. I'm not always trying to reproves their @sses withy my mightier than thou wayfer BS attitude.
Bless their hearts; I was a real bi-yach. I reget that terribly. I've apologized to my baby sis several times about that.
Now I am becoming a forgetful person. If you know me, that is hard to understand. I almost started to kick my own butt about that, but then I remembered that I am now a forgetful person who really cares about people. Sometimes a lot of humility arises when you realize you are only human.
Every now and then, I slip back into the personality I had as a TWIt.
Case in point...
A couple of years ago, I attended my daughter's baby shower for her second son, Jonathan. One of the gifts she opened were "Pampers Swaddles". I made some remark about the difference between that and real swaddling clothes and the whole family, almost in unison, yelled STEVE!!! I told them, "Sorry guys, just having a flashback." At that they all laughed and the party continued as though nothing had happened.
Still, it shows just how deeply engrained some of our behavior became. Good thing I have family and friends who are kind enough to catch me when I fall.
I at times still (after 17 years) that my personality is not there. I sometimes feel it peeking out but then there are glimpses of those times that I spent so many years in it that do come back.
TheHighWay – Amazing how HUGE the world is and how smart, loving and kind those people we pre-judged are, isn’t it? I feel as though I’ve learned more in the past year than I did the whole time I was involved with TWI.
I’m sorry you had the same kind of husband I did. It totally sucks to feel like you’re not good enough constantly. Even when I shared that it felt futile to try to do things as perfectly as he did and wanted me to do, he couldn’t understand why I was upset since I obviously wasn’t doing things perfectly. Silly, me. I thought I was doing some things up to his standards. It just makes quit trying when I get that much support from my own husband. -->
Ain’t it great to just be? I can be myself and, while there are things I want to improve in my life, I don’t feel like I’m less of a person or less worthy of love because I’m not perfect.
Bob – Steve Hassan rocks, doesn’t he? His book has been a big help to me. I only wish I had been able to use it fully to help my ex see how to think for himself. I think his “authentic self” is so suppressed that he doesn’t really know who that is anymore. It’s a lot easier and less stressful to be ourselves and not try to be someone else.
excathedra – Bless your heart! I wonder about people as young as you were and jumping from one bad situation to another. My heart goes out to you! I hope (and it seems to be) that you have grown to trust your own instincts and to guard those personal boundaries while feeling free to think and act the way you feel without reservation.
JT I think Bob is right about people either too scared to step out without the net of control that TWI taught them to depend on. That’s why the “offshoots” are so popular, imo. People didn’t like certain aspects of TWI, but they didn’t want to or know how to go about thinking for themselves and making their own decisions. It’s just too easy to stay with what’s familiar as opposed to leaving for what’s right.
waterbuffalo Your regular, obnoxious self contributes a lot to this site. I’m glad you’re here. ;)-->
Valerie Sucks, don’t it. :(--> I’m glad you always fought them. I suppose I did in a way, but not enough to have gotten out before much damage was done. I think that stubborn attitude of ours possibly helps the recovery go faster in some ways.
house:D--> Thanks! Life is so much sweeter, isn’t it? I thank God everyday for my true loving family and friends. I know I would still be in and wondering why I was so unhappy if it hadn’t been for them (and therapy :)--> ).
johnuare TWI did help us get over some bad habits, but at what price? Would we have grown out of that without them and with less pain, I wonder? We were obviously looking for an excuse to get away from it, seems as though there are better ways to do that. I wish I had found one of those instead. I much prefer the kind ‘trinity devil spirits’ to whatever the TWIts offer, too. ;)-->
Wayfer Not! – HUGE changes doesn’t begin to describe it, does it? Seems like such a monumental understatement. :D--> I’m frequently forgetful, too. I wonder if that’s a side effect….hmmmm…. I would much rather be a forgetful, loving person than a meticulous a$$hole like I used to be, too! It’s so nice to do things for people and to help people with no ulterior motive and with no concerns about getting reproved for not “being especially good to the effen household”! I’ve done more genuine from the heart things for more people in the past year than probably my whole time as a TWIt. And it was all because I wanted to not because I had to or felt obligated to.
Steve LOL! :D--> Isn’t it great to be able to laugh about those things and isn’t it even greater that our families feel free to point those things out to us now? I relish the fact that my family again feels like they don’t have to tiptoe around me worried about how I will react to things anymore. I love, too, that they never gave up hope or love for me.
Vickles I think that’s something we all probably will have to deal with our whole lives. It was a major portion of our life and it was 150% of our life when we were in it. That’s not easy to just forget completely. But thank God it’s over and we have more power and love to handle it when it does crop up.
Yes Belle, It's great to have family that loving and patient. I haven't needed therapy because of several of them helping me with the transition back to sanity.
My wife, Anna (who was NEVER in TWI), put up with my waybrain as much as she could, and pointed out things that I was ignoring about TWI. After "the TWI phone calls" when we moved up here (West Virginia) I came home one day and told her that TWI had become an F...ing cult and we should never have anything to do with them. She was stunned that I had said that at first, but she refrained from the I told you so thing after the shock wore off. At times when certain TWI "leaders" would allude to me divorcing her (they'd never come right out and say it), I'd tell her about it. Ann would respond with, "...what part of UNTIL DEATH DO US PART to these numb nuts NOT understand?!?" She meant that too. We were married for 28 years. :(-->
My Aunt Bessie, the family matriarch and "church lady" (Southern Baptist persuasion), has found that I'm one of the few that she can discuss the Bible with in depth because of my TWI studies. She has also helped me to NOT be judgemental of others beliefs. This comes in handy since I still don't believe in the trinity or life immediately after death, but she (and almost all of our family) still does. We're able to discuss it logically and w/o fighting about it.
Sometimes when my waybrain surfaces, my brothers Greg, Mike, Ray, and our sister Jeanette will say something about, "...having a relapse again Steve?" or something like that when I begin to drift. They keep me honest. :)-->
It makes me wonder about the M&Aed former Wayfers whos families are still in TWI and they won't even speak to their own flesh and blood. That has GOT to be really scary. That has GOT to hurt a LOT. I don't know how they handle it. -->
Recommended Posts
Steve!
Ahhh, the sweet smell of freedom!
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Ham
I agree. I think society (perhaps a lot less so today) and religion- some more than others- try to put you and relationships in a "one size fits all" box. I too gave up a lot- favorite "devilish" music, some beliefs and opinions that I now see were not so far off what some would regard the truth, and a little common sense. In short, a lot of individuality.
I think giving in on "insignificant" matters was a real problem. These are often the matters that make us us.
After leaving der ministry, a lot came back to me. My musical choices took up where they left off in the early 1970's. I found that I could agree with some of the republican party line, but agree with a lot of the points the democrats were making. I think the perceived change may have scared the crap out of those around me at first.
Kinda funny.. I see young folks getting married and started in life. Sometimes I think, those "poor suckers" have absolutley NO IDEA of who or what they just married, heh heh. Not a remote clue. Just wait twenty years, you may find out.
It's hard to live in a small box forever. I think we were encouraged to hold on so tightly to the guidelines that much individuality was lost. At least that was true for me.
Link to comment
Share on other sites
JustThinking
I would be curious to see how the psychological changes in former cult members compare to POWs. There are similar stories of awkward, painful adjustment followed by a renewed sense of living.
On a lighter note, I'm thrilled for you Belle. About two years gone from TWI myself and I am just now starting to get that feeling. Congratulations!
JT
Link to comment
Share on other sites
houseisarockin
Link to comment
Share on other sites
mj412
I think all of the above points apply to me but more important was my view of who God and Jesus christ is in my life.
The body of christ was so tiny in twi.. how massive it became when I no longer viewed the world with eyes of suspicsion and often times down right threats.
I no longer view the world as an evil place I must fight for God to love me more than the rest. I no longer need to think people are out to get me , this allowed me the ability to find love with my family and the people of this world at large.
I was disappointed you see by the christians i met In twi ,those who where suppose to be the "best" and I knew they were as evil as they can be.
what do I have to lose with an "unbeliever" ?
the ability to understand and be honest allowed me to know how God is also honest and capable of a huge amount of love beyond my understanding or "doing" anything worthy of.
Link to comment
Share on other sites
TheEvan
To be authentic is rare enough. It's something I strive for. But the environment, beliefs, lingo, culture, "feel", expectations, group dyamic, etc, produced such an unreality! So freaky. It's hard to know how to "get back". Sometimes just 'letting go' and "being" works. Sometimes we need a bit of help...
Link to comment
Share on other sites
frank123lol
Seen more of christian love outside of twi
Certainly alot more empathy
I like me alot more
I think I laugh more
I am also not so stressed trying to please every one
Link to comment
Share on other sites
GrouchoMarxJr
I think a lot of the changes that occurred to me when was in in twi, were "surface changes". My authentic self was never really gone, it was just supressed beneath the surface. So much of the twi changes were behavioral in nature...wayspeak, waythink, wayactivities, etc, etc. As soon as I left twi, there was an enormous elation and feeling of new found freedom. It was just the "true me" resurfacing.
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Belle
Thank you all very much for your replies. I was already in my 20's by the time I got involved, so I pretty much had a personality and "authentic self" established when I got involved. I wonder about those who were raised in TWI and if it was harder to leave and to "find yourself" because of the influence on who you are growing up in TWI.
Steve! Awesome freedom!! Yes, Indeed!!
:D-->
Mr. H, that “devilish” music, those opinions, beliefs and interests are what make us who we are and TWI’s ability to convince us to give those things up or change our thinking was a major step toward them “shaping” the person they wanted us to be (which was just like them).
I remember all too well the “yield on insignificant matters” teachings, especially in a marriage. You’re absolutely right that those are the things that build who we are. We can only deny our true feelings, likes, dislikes and the core of our being for so long before we explode or implode.
The pressure to conform and be “like-minded” wasn’t just like-mindedness that they wanted. They wanted robots who look, act, think and speak all alike. It’s easier to control that way.
JT, that would be an interesting topic. I also think of long term prisoners, like from Shawshank Redemption. They’ve had so many decisions made for them most of their lives that it must be scary to have to think for yourself. And thanks for the congrats!
:D--> I feel like I’m healing by leaps and bounds some days and other days are really bad. Knowing how much love and support I have – especially the unconditional love of my family – keeps me going. The same for most of us here, I’m sure.
House – I just gotta say you are one sharp cookie! I appreciate how much YOU bring to our little corner of cyberspace.
:)-->
TWI did do an excellent job of making us feel selfish if we wanted to spend time on anything outside of TWI, money, too. God forbid we should frivilously spend money that should be going to “the movement of the Word”, especiallly since we had heard what dire straights the ministry was in.
I think the growing tendency to just shut up and submit to whatever your husband or leaders told you to do has given me pause to understand a little better how battered women must feel. I’m glad that you feel so much more freedom and ability to really be yourself and to spend time discovering who that is! Were you raised in TWI or did you get in at a very young age and that’s why you’re regaining what you never had?
MJ – Isn’t it great to realize a relationship with Jesus that we weren’t allowed to have? They kept telling us that God is good always and that other religions were so wrong to teach that God was some ogre dishing out punishments and killing people left and right. That good God that they taught, though, was just as bad in his “respect of conditions” and all the hoops we had to jump through just to “stand approved” before Him. Thankfully, we can realize and experience a much more loving, caring God than TWI ever imagined teaching us about.
Evan – You’re right about being “authentic”, but I do think that we are allowed to “be ourselves” and to make decisions, do things and spend our money the way we want to without the conditions and fear TWI placed on us. We can choose our own words, who we want to be friends with and in general “just be” without the fear of TWI-made consequences looming over our heads. I think just realizing that and living it is a huge step toward growth.
Frank – Isn’t it a great feeling?!? I, too, have experienced so much more “charity” and kindness since leaving. Laughing is so much more sincere and spontaneous now – down to snorting and deep belly laughs! I imagine most of us could ask friends and co-workers about the changes in us as we left and they would probably say that we seemed a lot more relaxed and less stressed as the first and foremost indication of a change in our lives. So glad you’re here!
UH – What you describe sounds like “cognitive dissonance” to me and I think you’re right on. We were so busy going through the motions and doing/saying/trying to think the right things to fit in and be “good”, but underneath was a volcano of our “true selves” trying so hard to bubble to the top. I think part of that’s why I feel like I’ve been able to bounce back so much quicker than I thought I would. My family, especially my mom and grandmother, always talked to me like I was my old self. My mom would send me “girlfriend” type little books and it always made me sad because I used to have close girlfriends like that, but gave them up for TWI and I really missed those “true” friendships where you could talk to one another about anything and everything and know that you were still going to be accepted and loved. My girlfriends having kids, buying houses and experiencing “normal” life was also a big reminder that I didn’t have a “normal” life and never would if I stayed in TWI. It’s so good to have the “true” self back to the top of the surface, isn’t it?
:)-->
Link to comment
Share on other sites
TheHighWay
Belle,
I experienced nearly identical changes while in twi (clearly we had the same kind of husband!) and received the same kind of comments when I got out. Even my son (who never knew me pre-twi) comments about how different I am now... how much more fun I am now. I stress to him that THIS is the real me, not the way I was!
And the comment about how small the body of christ was while in twi... I remember a distinct feeling I got the day after I parted company with the twits: suddenly the whole world seemed HUGE and open and full of possibilities. It was the first time I realized what a teeny-tiny-little-itsy-bitsy box I had put myself into over the years.
Enjoy the freedom!!!!! It's great out here!
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Bob
I saw the personality changes also. The group think mode and mimicking the leader is a classic cult syndrome.
Everyone has a personality that is uniquely them, and can never be removed. It can be suppressed, but is always retrievable (at least according to Steve Hassan – I read his book also).
A lot of times, I found myself mimicking Craig. At the time, it seemed right. Now it is abhorrent.
I'm glad to be myself again. Have been for some time now and the air is so much fresher.
Link to comment
Share on other sites
excathedra
i personally was still trying to figure out who i was when i had just left home and got in twi
so when i got out, it was like starting over to find "me" (in many ways), even though i was in my 30s and not a freshman in college....
scared the "h" out of me
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Bob
I can relate to the being scared, as probably most can.
I do get the impression that a large number of people never did find themselves again, but ended up switching to another group to continue the impressed personality.
Link to comment
Share on other sites
JustThinking
Bob,
Do you think so? That would be sad. Maybe they never had one of their own in the first place?
JT
Link to comment
Share on other sites
waterbuffalo
Belle,
Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep. Sounds all too familiar, I'm sorry to say.
Now, I'm just my regular, obnoxious self.
Link to comment
Share on other sites
valerie52
Belle,
I can really relate to allot of what you gave up in twi.
Hobbies etc.
I did the same.
I still think about it every now and then.
I used to be artisic, I drew, I painted, I sewed, can't seem to get it back thoug :0(
I really gave up ALOT. Not buying things I wanted because all my money went to TWI.
I did not have my own car untill I was 37 years old!!!
(Not counting the cute little BMW I had that my ex "satans little brother" husband totalled)!
So now we can think for ourselves WITHOUT being beat up by way buillies.
I always fought them.
Always, I never gave in I always fought the sexist pigs.
I am still seeing allthese years later, THA
Link to comment
Share on other sites
houseisarockin
Link to comment
Share on other sites
johniam
Before TWI dope culture was my "religion". Dope definitely affected who I was and TWI did give me a good vehicle to get away from my dope friends and overcome dope for good. However, I remember being in a Presbyterian church which my family attended for awhile and thinking, "Gee, these 'trinity devil spirits' are sure a lot more loving than those 'faithful in the household a**holes' that were in TWI. Why, we'd have never thawt eet!"
Link to comment
Share on other sites
excathedra
i hears ya johnny arc angel
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Nottawayfer
My family notices a HUGE change in me. I'm not always trying to reproves their @sses withy my mightier than thou wayfer BS attitude.
Bless their hearts; I was a real bi-yach. I reget that terribly. I've apologized to my baby sis several times about that.
Now I am becoming a forgetful person. If you know me, that is hard to understand. I almost started to kick my own butt about that, but then I remembered that I am now a forgetful person who really cares about people. Sometimes a lot of humility arises when you realize you are only human.
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Steve Swenton
Every now and then, I slip back into the personality I had as a TWIt.
Case in point...
A couple of years ago, I attended my daughter's baby shower for her second son, Jonathan. One of the gifts she opened were "Pampers Swaddles". I made some remark about the difference between that and real swaddling clothes and the whole family, almost in unison, yelled STEVE!!! I told them, "Sorry guys, just having a flashback." At that they all laughed and the party continued as though nothing had happened.
Still, it shows just how deeply engrained some of our behavior became. Good thing I have family and friends who are kind enough to catch me when I fall.
Just a thought...
Steve.
¥
Link to comment
Share on other sites
vickles
I at times still (after 17 years) that my personality is not there. I sometimes feel it peeking out but then there are glimpses of those times that I spent so many years in it that do come back.
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Belle
TheHighWay – Amazing how HUGE the world is and how smart, loving and kind those people we pre-judged are, isn’t it? I feel as though I’ve learned more in the past year than I did the whole time I was involved with TWI.
I’m sorry you had the same kind of husband I did. It totally sucks to feel like you’re not good enough constantly. Even when I shared that it felt futile to try to do things as perfectly as he did and wanted me to do, he couldn’t understand why I was upset since I obviously wasn’t doing things perfectly. Silly, me. I thought I was doing some things up to his standards. It just makes quit trying when I get that much support from my own husband.
-->
Ain’t it great to just be? I can be myself and, while there are things I want to improve in my life, I don’t feel like I’m less of a person or less worthy of love because I’m not perfect.
Bob – Steve Hassan rocks, doesn’t he? His book has been a big help to me. I only wish I had been able to use it fully to help my ex see how to think for himself. I think his “authentic self” is so suppressed that he doesn’t really know who that is anymore. It’s a lot easier and less stressful to be ourselves and not try to be someone else.
excathedra – Bless your heart! I wonder about people as young as you were and jumping from one bad situation to another. My heart goes out to you! I hope (and it seems to be) that you have grown to trust your own instincts and to guard those personal boundaries while feeling free to think and act the way you feel without reservation.
JT I think Bob is right about people either too scared to step out without the net of control that TWI taught them to depend on. That’s why the “offshoots” are so popular, imo. People didn’t like certain aspects of TWI, but they didn’t want to or know how to go about thinking for themselves and making their own decisions. It’s just too easy to stay with what’s familiar as opposed to leaving for what’s right.
waterbuffalo Your regular, obnoxious self contributes a lot to this site. I’m glad you’re here.
;)-->
Valerie Sucks, don’t it.
:(--> I’m glad you always fought them. I suppose I did in a way, but not enough to have gotten out before much damage was done. I think that stubborn attitude of ours possibly helps the recovery go faster in some ways.
house
:D--> Thanks! Life is so much sweeter, isn’t it? I thank God everyday for my true loving family and friends. I know I would still be in and wondering why I was so unhappy if it hadn’t been for them (and therapy 
:)--> ).
johnuare TWI did help us get over some bad habits, but at what price? Would we have grown out of that without them and with less pain, I wonder? We were obviously looking for an excuse to get away from it, seems as though there are better ways to do that. I wish I had found one of those instead. I much prefer the kind ‘trinity devil spirits’ to whatever the TWIts offer, too.
;)-->
Wayfer Not! – HUGE changes doesn’t begin to describe it, does it? Seems like such a monumental understatement.
:D--> I’m frequently forgetful, too. I wonder if that’s a side effect….hmmmm…. I would much rather be a forgetful, loving person than a meticulous a$$hole like I used to be, too! It’s so nice to do things for people and to help people with no ulterior motive and with no concerns about getting reproved for not “being especially good to the effen household”! I’ve done more genuine from the heart things for more people in the past year than probably my whole time as a TWIt. And it was all because I wanted to not because I had to or felt obligated to.
Steve LOL!
:D--> Isn’t it great to be able to laugh about those things and isn’t it even greater that our families feel free to point those things out to us now? I relish the fact that my family again feels like they don’t have to tiptoe around me worried about how I will react to things anymore. I love, too, that they never gave up hope or love for me.
Vickles I think that’s something we all probably will have to deal with our whole lives. It was a major portion of our life and it was 150% of our life when we were in it. That’s not easy to just forget completely. But thank God it’s over and we have more power and love to handle it when it does crop up.
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Steve Swenton
Yes Belle, It's great to have family that loving and patient. I haven't needed therapy because of several of them helping me with the transition back to sanity.
My wife, Anna (who was NEVER in TWI), put up with my waybrain as much as she could, and pointed out things that I was ignoring about TWI. After "the TWI phone calls" when we moved up here (West Virginia) I came home one day and told her that TWI had become an F...ing cult and we should never have anything to do with them. She was stunned that I had said that at first, but she refrained from the I told you so thing after the shock wore off. At times when certain TWI "leaders" would allude to me divorcing her (they'd never come right out and say it), I'd tell her about it. Ann would respond with, "...what part of UNTIL DEATH DO US PART to these numb nuts NOT understand?!?" She meant that too. We were married for 28 years.
:(-->
My Aunt Bessie, the family matriarch and "church lady" (Southern Baptist persuasion), has found that I'm one of the few that she can discuss the Bible with in depth because of my TWI studies. She has also helped me to NOT be judgemental of others beliefs. This comes in handy since I still don't believe in the trinity or life immediately after death, but she (and almost all of our family) still does. We're able to discuss it logically and w/o fighting about it.
Sometimes when my waybrain surfaces, my brothers Greg, Mike, Ray, and our sister Jeanette will say something about, "...having a relapse again Steve?" or something like that when I begin to drift. They keep me honest.
:)-->
It makes me wonder about the M&Aed former Wayfers whos families are still in TWI and they won't even speak to their own flesh and blood. That has GOT to be really scary. That has GOT to hurt a LOT. I don't know how they handle it.
-->
Thanks for posting this thread Belle...
:)-->
Steve.
¥
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.