Husband was taught not to trust wife, daughter not to trust mother, etc. all in the name of the "present truth" and "strength in the household". Family members often turned each other in to leadership and were considered "spiritually sharp" for doing it by the local leadership.
Couples with marital problems would go to their local Way Corps person for help because going to any other type of counseling was considered less than the best. The couple would receive counsel from people with a two year, non-clinical degree, who often times had way more problems in their own lives than those of the people they were supposedly helping.
In my personal experience, my husband was taught to rely on local leadership so much when it came to anything about our marriage that seemed to be a problem, he came to the point where he couldn't make a decision without calling them. They were so embedded in our marriage that I felt like I was married to all them, too - they knew as much about what was going on in my life at that time that my then-husband did.
Since there wasn't even "locked box" guaranteed within the relationship of marriage, how could one spouse openly disclose their deepest feelings about the ministry to the other?
Anyone remember LCM's rant on the Leadership Tapes that were ran in the late 80's, early 90's, about how many of the power-couples who left TWI were "taken out by the adversary" because of the wife?
Many of us must have been thicker than molassis in Minneapolis in January.
I lost a wife due to the "ministry", but then again, I probably would not have married her in the first place had it not been for the ministry. I don't even know whether that is good or bad ...
And if you had a good-looking wife, watch out, 'cause numerous "top-brass", legion leaders on up, would be on the prowl, to bless and serve, or is that service??
"I lost a wife due to the "ministry", but then again, I probably would not have married her in the first place had it not been for the ministry. I don't even know whether that is good or bad ..."
That pretty much sums up my story as well,though obviously, it was a husband. We met before I was in TWI, at the time he was a "cop-out". He returned to TWI so I could "learn the word."
By the time we had jumped through all the required hoops to get married, I had serious second thoughts. I was very strongly advised not to cancell or put off the wedding after having jumped through all those hoops.
With our without TWI, I think the marriage would have had some serious problems, but TWI made them far far worse. And like Belle, when I had doubts or disagreements with TWI, I usually kept them to myself. In the end that furthered the distrust my ex had for me.
I left TWI before he did, and before I left the marriage. I know they counseled him to leave me, put pressure on him. The pressure was more than he could bear but he never did leave me - just pushed me out the door instead.
Now that he is out, we get along much better. I can almost always tell when he feels like he is in control of his life or someone else is by how he is behaving. For a long time after leaving TWI he was doing very very well in that respect. I think his new girlfriend holds the reigns pretty tightly though, cause he's starting to get weird again.
Reminds me of what one of my old leadership said.. I remember him ranting on and on about how devilish it was for his parents to go to, God forbid, "Marriage encounter". What really made him mad was that it actually worked, they worked out issues and saved the marriage. These were his own parents! My impression was that he was actually angry that it worked out, because he ranted that they really needed "Da Verd" as revealed in PFAL, that the marriage should come second. He even stated that whatever help they received must have been some kind of counterfiet. Wowser. This was back in 1979. My alarms went off, too bad I ignored them..
There was a certain subtle view that wives were not to be trusted, even wives like I was back then, so committed to the ministry, burning myself out trying to do everything I was expected to do.
This is the real issue we left TWI over--our leadership was looking for things to accuse me of, while being buddy buddy with my husband. It was very subtle and hubby didn't see it for a long time, just made excuses for his ole buddy the HFC.
It finally became obvious to my hubby, HFC showed his fangs a little too much, too often. My husband's sense of betrayal was huge when we left, while I just felt relief.
He is still very angry when something comes up to remind him about that time.
We have tried to figure out why I was a target for this creep...I think I must have reminded him of his ex wife. But we'll never know.
I tried to tell my husband what I had learned and even tried to get him to read "The Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse" but he refused and took it from me and threw it away. He begged me not to destroy our marriage because he knew that if I left TWI that it would be over between us.
That should have clued me in that some group of people was more important to him than I was, but I stayed, kept my mouth shut and tried to open his eyes a little at a time. For 3 years I did this.
I was secretive because I had to be. I was firm and resolved in some decisions because I had to be (like buying a house, getting a dog, giving only 10% instead of the 18% we were giving, etc). I lied to him because I didn't want to have any more fights and I wanted him to wake up and for things to be right again.
When I did leave TWI things went downhill rather quickly. He was getting coached even more about living with a contentious woman and how I was on this site and posting and poisoning my mind. I'm bitter and nevermind all that cr@p they have on that site. (Yeah, nevermind that IT'S TRUE!)
I should be flattered that they have spent so much time trying to track me down and prove that I've been doing something, but it's really just pathetic, imo. And if this is how Godly men and women act then I don't want to be Godly. They feed my ex all the lies he needs to stay blinded.
I know he's been on here and read a lot of the things on the site, but he still believes TWI is right and that they can do no wrong. It's beyond me how they can justify all the things they've done to destroy lives and how someone can, knowing how evil the group is, remain loyal to a pseudo-ministry founded on lies and theft.
Sorry, this is a real sore spot for me. My ex has not one person left in his life who genuinely loves and cares for him. No one to share his victories and failures with. No one to hear about a good day or a bad day. He quit talking to his family on the advice of the man who married us because his dad was "entertaining major devil spirits" if he wasn't already possessed.
The man is so alone, so bitter and so hurt. He blames me and I can't say that I blame him for thinking that. If I was as blinded by the lies and deception of TWI, I would think the same thing. :(--> It breaks my heart. It really does.
Our local "leadership" would pick on whoever they thought was weaker or less loyal at any given time, and with us it switched back & forth.
I remember when, a year or two before I finally left, my ex-wife stopped attending fellowships for a few months. The fellowship coordinator took me aside and made all kinds of dire predictions about how she would die alone, without her kids around her, because she had rejected "The Word". I was stunned, not only because of what he was saying about her, but because I knew that he had to have said the same things to her about me.
What was ironic was that she was one of the most loyal people to TWI that you'd ever run into, she'd do anything for "the ministry that taught her The Word". She was staying away from fellowship because of me! Our problems had gotten so bad that she felt hypocritical attending fellowship with me and pretending everything was alright, and felt that the local leaders were deceived for accepting me and even letting me teach.
After a while she started attending with me again and everything was fine with "leadership".
When I finally was booted out it was final proof that she was "unequally yoked" with me, and that the "spiritual darkness" that I was bringing into our home must go.
While I wasn't married there were family members and very close (supposedly) friends that I wanted to talk to but knew that if I did it would all explode in my face. Eventually, I had an exit plan and talking to any of them would have made it much harder. At least that is what I thought at the time. I just couldn't stand the disdane, condemnation, hatred and disappointment that I knew they would look upon me with. After all, this was family and people I loved.
I once dated a girl for a couple of years. Got her into the ministry, talked of marriage, we were very serious. After waiting a year or so for them to finally let her take the class at around the third session or so, she decided to leave without warning and without a reason. It was devastating. It was the closest thing I have had to having someone close die. I knew I would never see her again. And it just came out of the blue. She felt she couldn't talk to me. She was probably right.
Then when it came time for me to leave, I realised why she did it that way and I did the same to family and loved ones. It was devastating again, but in a different way. I felt dejected and disowned and excommunicated but I also felt terrible because I was putting them through the same pain I had went thru when that girlfriend left. But I also felt empowered and free and happy for the first time in a long time and for the right reasons. It was a hard time.
So I can understand where ya'll are comin' from. One thing I have realised is though experiences differ from one to the next, the human condition transcends them. It helps in realising that others really do feel your pain even though they haven't shared your exact experience.
I suppose I should add my input here, having had TWI destroy my marriage.
Even though at one time my conscience was kept silent when doing despicable acts in the name of TWI, I still cannot fathom why. I think for me, the total of all the wrongs done piled up to the point where my conscience finally was able to get through to me and I finally listened.
Yet, how can these people continue to repeat such acts, over and over again, and not have it bother them? Are they immune to human nature, or are they just brain dead? I don't know. Worse things have been done in the name of God, with people still willing to justify them as being righteous.
I tend to flip-flop between feeling sorry for my ex, and being angry with her for not having the common sense to see the harm she did/does to herself, family, and children.
If there is a God and a future judgement, these "leaders" of TWI are in for one hell of a surprise. Personally, waiting until then is a mis-carriage of judgment. They deserve it now.
I can't reply to this thread, except to wonder aloud if my husband might still be alive today had I bypassed TWI fear tactics and told him what I knew. MADE him listen? hmmmm
I did try, once. Then a few years later I tried once more.
I'll never know but a small part of me believes that he did believe me, he just couldn't do any more about it than I.
I DO know that he'd be proud of my decision to get his daughter away from the pervert that was about to pounce on her.
Unsaid things in a marriage hurt so many for so long.
Please, please don't put yourself through that about your husband... if he wasn't ready to listen, he just wasn't. And there isn't a darned thing you could have done to make him "ready"!
Back in the 80s a dear friend of mine left twi over POP. She wore me out trying to convince me I should leave. I finally broke off the friendship over it. (just before twi started explicitly telling us to break off ties with "those" people)
Years later, I found myself in exactly the same boat... I wanted out, but my husband couldn't/wouldn't hear anything I had to say. Banned me from the internet. Banned anything negative from being said about twi. Period.
It's the same as any addictive behavior: you cannot make someone listen to sense when they don't want to hear it. They will do, say, and justify anything to keep themselves in their comfort zone. Consequences be damned.
As for breaking up marriages... yup, twi made it an art form. Subtle and not-so-subtle comments made to this spouse about that spouse... "you are unequally yoked" and "he will end up dragging you down with him" is what I heard for years, but suddenly when I wanted answers, I was the one they said these things about, encouraging my husband to set all kinds of rules and limits on me and send them weekly reports about how he was in control now. What a joke!
..."Please, please don't put yourself through that about your husband... "
TheHighway, thank you for your words of kindness and encouragement. Let me add that I really don't beat myself up over this issue. I knew at the time(s) I tried that what I was trying to convey to him were correct and he 'should' turn his ear to me.
Indeed it was his loss, but my burden to carry. There is no blame in that situation. He was in a strange position where, in retrospect, I know he couldn't hear me even if he wanted to and had he done so, there would have been little, if anything, he could do.
I learned pretty quickly in TWI how to play the TWI game; I was one of the lucky ones. As time passes and the new normal fits better, I understand that he knew the rules too.
What might have been differant had we had a conversation that included telling the other things we knew?
I've said that I believe TWI contributed to his death, a statement that keeps getting me in trouble, but it's what I stand on.
And while we're on this subject, let me say publically that I never have said anywhere that his family or TWI killed him. This keeps coming up.
Harmony in the home? Twi destroyed marriages. They turned family members against one another and totally perverted the dynamics of the family relationships.
The husband was taught to treat his wife with contempt and to keep her in her "place".
The wife was taught that she was subordinate and not to be trusted. She also was taught that her husband would never measure up to the standards set by the top twi leaders who were also trying to bed her down.
They stuck their noses into everyone's business and they were horribly underqualified to help anyone. The advice given was almost always wrong and if believed, could lead one into a mental nightmare of subjugation and abuse.
This thread reminds me of the last time I tried to contact TWI to see if things had changed for the better after the POP.
Boy was that a slap in the face! I was contacted by the BC and told how wonderful it was that we were coming into this area (northern West Virginia).
Later that week, while I was not at home (a tactic that I learned TWI employed all too often), the LC called my wife, Anna, and was nice to her until he found out that she wasn't in TWI, but was married to me. He started in giving her sh?about how we were SO unequally yolked! That conversation terminated with Anna telling him where to get off, in so many words or less. That evening, I got an earful from the BC, whom I told not to call me again.
I've been free of the TWI monster ever since, and have had NO desire to return. As a result, Anna and I enjoyed her remaining 12 years together.
See, Anna resisted TWI right from the start. She didn't want to have anything more than necessary to do with them, but she wasn't hostile to them either. In fact, we made some pretty good friends within TWI in Glen Burnie, MD. We even talked (OK, conned) Anna into taking the first session of PFAL just to see what it was like. After that, she decided that she didn't want to go there, and that was that as far as I was concerned.
Unfortunately, TWI didn't see it that way - Their loss.
Steve...Your story is all too familiar. I recall being pressured to get people to take the class or get rid of them. So much emphasis was placed on the "class" that we totally lost sight of caring about people and seeing their hearts. Some of the finest people I know walked away from twi because of someone trying to pressure them or make them feel guilty or browbeating them in one way or another. On the other hand, I knew a lot of dysfunctional, selfish, insensitive jerks, who were held in high esteem because they showed up regularly and dropped their dough into the horn.
The goal was of twi was clear...run people through the classes and get them coming to twig...it was all about money and walking in lockstep with the hierarchy. Building a Christian community based on love, integrity and faith was not of primary concern. Faithfulness was an equation on a blue form and trusting God meant subjecting yourself to unreasonable men.
In a chatty mood tonight-My marriage happened because of the rose colored glasses I had on after being " accepted into the family" of twi-how needy I was. I was from the get go "un-equally" yoked because of the incredible gall I had to love a corpse guy-and I was So Not In The Corps. Leadership ran me ragged trying to catch me up so that I would be sufficent to be a helpmeet of sufficent spiritual stature. I was publicly accused of "lusting" after my BC, and discouraged in a hundred ways. No matter. Married. Turned out he was suffering from his own form of "control issues". I should listened about being unequally yoked. It would have saved me years of my life with an abusive a@@h@le, I would have had all my sight all my hearing and all my heart. But on the plus side- I can tell when the weather is going to be bad, because my old injuries twinge when barometric pressure drops!
Spousal abuse is NEVER a good thing. Thank God you have the courage that caused you to fight back and get out of that kind of relationship. I only know of these things as an outsider looking in, but I have a frend in Florida whos situation sounds a lot like yours. I'm glad to see you got away from him.
It would have saved me years of my life with an abusive a@@h@le, I would have had all my sight all my hearing and all my heart. But on the plus side- I can tell when the weather is going to be bad, because my old injuries twinge when barometric pressure drops!
Thanks, you all. It wasn't courage or any thing so high minded as convictions, etc etc. I just realized that being alive in mind & body was far better than the mess I lived in!
I guess maybe we all realized this. Those of us who got out of our collective abusive twi relationship!
Yep, Andrea. I had gotten to the point where no matter how bad it might be on the outside it couldn't possibly be as bad as it was on the inside.
I was also encouraged because I knew that my family would be there to support me 100% and that I could count on their truly unconditional, non-performance based love.
Thanks Gals! You know I'm thankful our paths have crossed (ps- exxie, maybe someday you could move just south of hell-Texas! in august it quite feels like it!)
Recommended Posts
ChasUFarley
Where do I begin?
Husband was taught not to trust wife, daughter not to trust mother, etc. all in the name of the "present truth" and "strength in the household". Family members often turned each other in to leadership and were considered "spiritually sharp" for doing it by the local leadership.
Couples with marital problems would go to their local Way Corps person for help because going to any other type of counseling was considered less than the best. The couple would receive counsel from people with a two year, non-clinical degree, who often times had way more problems in their own lives than those of the people they were supposedly helping.
In my personal experience, my husband was taught to rely on local leadership so much when it came to anything about our marriage that seemed to be a problem, he came to the point where he couldn't make a decision without calling them. They were so embedded in our marriage that I felt like I was married to all them, too - they knew as much about what was going on in my life at that time that my then-husband did.
Since there wasn't even "locked box" guaranteed within the relationship of marriage, how could one spouse openly disclose their deepest feelings about the ministry to the other?
Anyone remember LCM's rant on the Leadership Tapes that were ran in the late 80's, early 90's, about how many of the power-couples who left TWI were "taken out by the adversary" because of the wife?
Link to comment
Share on other sites
tomtuttle
We were taught "Spirit is thicker than blood".
Many of us must have been thicker than molassis in Minneapolis in January.
I lost a wife due to the "ministry", but then again, I probably would not have married her in the first place had it not been for the ministry. I don't even know whether that is good or bad ...
And if you had a good-looking wife, watch out, 'cause numerous "top-brass", legion leaders on up, would be on the prowl, to bless and serve, or is that service??
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Abigail
"I lost a wife due to the "ministry", but then again, I probably would not have married her in the first place had it not been for the ministry. I don't even know whether that is good or bad ..."
That pretty much sums up my story as well,though obviously, it was a husband. We met before I was in TWI, at the time he was a "cop-out". He returned to TWI so I could "learn the word."
By the time we had jumped through all the required hoops to get married, I had serious second thoughts. I was very strongly advised not to cancell or put off the wedding after having jumped through all those hoops.
With our without TWI, I think the marriage would have had some serious problems, but TWI made them far far worse. And like Belle, when I had doubts or disagreements with TWI, I usually kept them to myself. In the end that furthered the distrust my ex had for me.
I left TWI before he did, and before I left the marriage. I know they counseled him to leave me, put pressure on him. The pressure was more than he could bear but he never did leave me - just pushed me out the door instead.
Now that he is out, we get along much better. I can almost always tell when he feels like he is in control of his life or someone else is by how he is behaving. For a long time after leaving TWI he was doing very very well in that respect. I think his new girlfriend holds the reigns pretty tightly though, cause he's starting to get weird again.
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Ham
Reminds me of what one of my old leadership said.. I remember him ranting on and on about how devilish it was for his parents to go to, God forbid, "Marriage encounter". What really made him mad was that it actually worked, they worked out issues and saved the marriage. These were his own parents! My impression was that he was actually angry that it worked out, because he ranted that they really needed "Da Verd" as revealed in PFAL, that the marriage should come second. He even stated that whatever help they received must have been some kind of counterfiet. Wowser. This was back in 1979. My alarms went off, too bad I ignored them..
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Bramble
There was a certain subtle view that wives were not to be trusted, even wives like I was back then, so committed to the ministry, burning myself out trying to do everything I was expected to do.
This is the real issue we left TWI over--our leadership was looking for things to accuse me of, while being buddy buddy with my husband. It was very subtle and hubby didn't see it for a long time, just made excuses for his ole buddy the HFC.
It finally became obvious to my hubby, HFC showed his fangs a little too much, too often. My husband's sense of betrayal was huge when we left, while I just felt relief.
He is still very angry when something comes up to remind him about that time.
We have tried to figure out why I was a target for this creep...I think I must have reminded him of his ex wife. But we'll never know.
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Belle
My wounds are still healing over this one.
I tried to tell my husband what I had learned and even tried to get him to read "The Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse" but he refused and took it from me and threw it away. He begged me not to destroy our marriage because he knew that if I left TWI that it would be over between us.
That should have clued me in that some group of people was more important to him than I was, but I stayed, kept my mouth shut and tried to open his eyes a little at a time. For 3 years I did this.
I was secretive because I had to be. I was firm and resolved in some decisions because I had to be (like buying a house, getting a dog, giving only 10% instead of the 18% we were giving, etc). I lied to him because I didn't want to have any more fights and I wanted him to wake up and for things to be right again.
When I did leave TWI things went downhill rather quickly. He was getting coached even more about living with a contentious woman and how I was on this site and posting and poisoning my mind. I'm bitter and nevermind all that cr@p they have on that site. (Yeah, nevermind that IT'S TRUE!)
I should be flattered that they have spent so much time trying to track me down and prove that I've been doing something, but it's really just pathetic, imo. And if this is how Godly men and women act then I don't want to be Godly. They feed my ex all the lies he needs to stay blinded.
I know he's been on here and read a lot of the things on the site, but he still believes TWI is right and that they can do no wrong. It's beyond me how they can justify all the things they've done to destroy lives and how someone can, knowing how evil the group is, remain loyal to a pseudo-ministry founded on lies and theft.
Sorry, this is a real sore spot for me. My ex has not one person left in his life who genuinely loves and cares for him. No one to share his victories and failures with. No one to hear about a good day or a bad day. He quit talking to his family on the advice of the man who married us because his dad was "entertaining major devil spirits" if he wasn't already possessed.
The man is so alone, so bitter and so hurt. He blames me and I can't say that I blame him for thinking that. If I was as blinded by the lies and deception of TWI, I would think the same thing.
:(--> It breaks my heart. It really does.
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Oakspear
Our local "leadership" would pick on whoever they thought was weaker or less loyal at any given time, and with us it switched back & forth.
I remember when, a year or two before I finally left, my ex-wife stopped attending fellowships for a few months. The fellowship coordinator took me aside and made all kinds of dire predictions about how she would die alone, without her kids around her, because she had rejected "The Word". I was stunned, not only because of what he was saying about her, but because I knew that he had to have said the same things to her about me.
What was ironic was that she was one of the most loyal people to TWI that you'd ever run into, she'd do anything for "the ministry that taught her The Word". She was staying away from fellowship because of me! Our problems had gotten so bad that she felt hypocritical attending fellowship with me and pretending everything was alright, and felt that the local leaders were deceived for accepting me and even letting me teach.
After a while she started attending with me again and everything was fine with "leadership".
When I finally was booted out it was final proof that she was "unequally yoked" with me, and that the "spiritual darkness" that I was bringing into our home must go.
Link to comment
Share on other sites
lindyhopper
While I wasn't married there were family members and very close (supposedly) friends that I wanted to talk to but knew that if I did it would all explode in my face. Eventually, I had an exit plan and talking to any of them would have made it much harder. At least that is what I thought at the time. I just couldn't stand the disdane, condemnation, hatred and disappointment that I knew they would look upon me with. After all, this was family and people I loved.
I once dated a girl for a couple of years. Got her into the ministry, talked of marriage, we were very serious. After waiting a year or so for them to finally let her take the class at around the third session or so, she decided to leave without warning and without a reason. It was devastating. It was the closest thing I have had to having someone close die. I knew I would never see her again. And it just came out of the blue. She felt she couldn't talk to me. She was probably right.
Then when it came time for me to leave, I realised why she did it that way and I did the same to family and loved ones. It was devastating again, but in a different way. I felt dejected and disowned and excommunicated but I also felt terrible because I was putting them through the same pain I had went thru when that girlfriend left. But I also felt empowered and free and happy for the first time in a long time and for the right reasons. It was a hard time.
So I can understand where ya'll are comin' from. One thing I have realised is though experiences differ from one to the next, the human condition transcends them. It helps in realising that others really do feel your pain even though they haven't shared your exact experience.
ramble ramble
sorry.
and happy new year.
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Bob
I suppose I should add my input here, having had TWI destroy my marriage.
Even though at one time my conscience was kept silent when doing despicable acts in the name of TWI, I still cannot fathom why. I think for me, the total of all the wrongs done piled up to the point where my conscience finally was able to get through to me and I finally listened.
Yet, how can these people continue to repeat such acts, over and over again, and not have it bother them? Are they immune to human nature, or are they just brain dead? I don't know. Worse things have been done in the name of God, with people still willing to justify them as being righteous.
I tend to flip-flop between feeling sorry for my ex, and being angry with her for not having the common sense to see the harm she did/does to herself, family, and children.
If there is a God and a future judgement, these "leaders" of TWI are in for one hell of a surprise. Personally, waiting until then is a mis-carriage of judgment. They deserve it now.
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Shellon
I can't reply to this thread, except to wonder aloud if my husband might still be alive today had I bypassed TWI fear tactics and told him what I knew. MADE him listen? hmmmm
I did try, once. Then a few years later I tried once more.
I'll never know but a small part of me believes that he did believe me, he just couldn't do any more about it than I.
I DO know that he'd be proud of my decision to get his daughter away from the pervert that was about to pounce on her.
Unsaid things in a marriage hurt so many for so long.
A regret I live with and he died with.
Link to comment
Share on other sites
TheHighWay
Shellon,
Please, please don't put yourself through that about your husband... if he wasn't ready to listen, he just wasn't. And there isn't a darned thing you could have done to make him "ready"!
Back in the 80s a dear friend of mine left twi over POP. She wore me out trying to convince me I should leave. I finally broke off the friendship over it. (just before twi started explicitly telling us to break off ties with "those" people)
Years later, I found myself in exactly the same boat... I wanted out, but my husband couldn't/wouldn't hear anything I had to say. Banned me from the internet. Banned anything negative from being said about twi. Period.
It's the same as any addictive behavior: you cannot make someone listen to sense when they don't want to hear it. They will do, say, and justify anything to keep themselves in their comfort zone. Consequences be damned.
As for breaking up marriages... yup, twi made it an art form. Subtle and not-so-subtle comments made to this spouse about that spouse... "you are unequally yoked" and "he will end up dragging you down with him" is what I heard for years, but suddenly when I wanted answers, I was the one they said these things about, encouraging my husband to set all kinds of rules and limits on me and send them weekly reports about how he was in control now. What a joke!
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Shellon
..."Please, please don't put yourself through that about your husband... "
TheHighway, thank you for your words of kindness and encouragement. Let me add that I really don't beat myself up over this issue. I knew at the time(s) I tried that what I was trying to convey to him were correct and he 'should' turn his ear to me.
Indeed it was his loss, but my burden to carry. There is no blame in that situation. He was in a strange position where, in retrospect, I know he couldn't hear me even if he wanted to and had he done so, there would have been little, if anything, he could do.
I learned pretty quickly in TWI how to play the TWI game; I was one of the lucky ones. As time passes and the new normal fits better, I understand that he knew the rules too.
What might have been differant had we had a conversation that included telling the other things we knew?
I've said that I believe TWI contributed to his death, a statement that keeps getting me in trouble, but it's what I stand on.
And while we're on this subject, let me say publically that I never have said anywhere that his family or TWI killed him. This keeps coming up.
His family loved him. TWI fuked him over.
Link to comment
Share on other sites
GrouchoMarxJr
Harmony in the home? Twi destroyed marriages. They turned family members against one another and totally perverted the dynamics of the family relationships.
The husband was taught to treat his wife with contempt and to keep her in her "place".
The wife was taught that she was subordinate and not to be trusted. She also was taught that her husband would never measure up to the standards set by the top twi leaders who were also trying to bed her down.
They stuck their noses into everyone's business and they were horribly underqualified to help anyone. The advice given was almost always wrong and if believed, could lead one into a mental nightmare of subjugation and abuse.
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Steve Swenton
This thread reminds me of the last time I tried to contact TWI to see if things had changed for the better after the POP.
Boy was that a slap in the face! I was contacted by the BC and told how wonderful it was that we were coming into this area (northern West Virginia).
Later that week, while I was not at home (a tactic that I learned TWI employed all too often), the LC called my wife, Anna, and was nice to her until he found out that she wasn't in TWI, but was married to me. He started in giving her sh?about how we were SO unequally yolked! That conversation terminated with Anna telling him where to get off, in so many words or less. That evening, I got an earful from the BC, whom I told not to call me again.
I've been free of the TWI monster ever since, and have had NO desire to return. As a result, Anna and I enjoyed her remaining 12 years together.
See, Anna resisted TWI right from the start. She didn't want to have anything more than necessary to do with them, but she wasn't hostile to them either. In fact, we made some pretty good friends within TWI in Glen Burnie, MD. We even talked (OK, conned) Anna into taking the first session of PFAL just to see what it was like. After that, she decided that she didn't want to go there, and that was that as far as I was concerned.
Unfortunately, TWI didn't see it that way - Their loss.
Just a thought...
Steve.
¥
Link to comment
Share on other sites
GrouchoMarxJr
Steve...Your story is all too familiar. I recall being pressured to get people to take the class or get rid of them. So much emphasis was placed on the "class" that we totally lost sight of caring about people and seeing their hearts. Some of the finest people I know walked away from twi because of someone trying to pressure them or make them feel guilty or browbeating them in one way or another. On the other hand, I knew a lot of dysfunctional, selfish, insensitive jerks, who were held in high esteem because they showed up regularly and dropped their dough into the horn.
The goal was of twi was clear...run people through the classes and get them coming to twig...it was all about money and walking in lockstep with the hierarchy. Building a Christian community based on love, integrity and faith was not of primary concern. Faithfulness was an equation on a blue form and trusting God meant subjecting yourself to unreasonable men.
Link to comment
Share on other sites
andreatheflorist
In a chatty mood tonight-My marriage happened because of the rose colored glasses I had on after being " accepted into the family" of twi-how needy I was. I was from the get go "un-equally" yoked because of the incredible gall I had to love a corpse guy-and I was So Not In The Corps. Leadership ran me ragged trying to catch me up so that I would be sufficent to be a helpmeet of sufficent spiritual stature. I was publicly accused of "lusting" after my BC, and discouraged in a hundred ways. No matter. Married. Turned out he was suffering from his own form of "control issues". I should listened about being unequally yoked. It would have saved me years of my life with an abusive a@@h@le, I would have had all my sight all my hearing and all my heart. But on the plus side- I can tell when the weather is going to be bad, because my old injuries twinge when barometric pressure drops!
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Steve Swenton
Andreatheflorist,
Spousal abuse is NEVER a good thing. Thank God you have the courage that caused you to fight back and get out of that kind of relationship. I only know of these things as an outsider looking in, but I have a frend in Florida whos situation sounds a lot like yours. I'm glad to see you got away from him.
Steve.
¥
Link to comment
Share on other sites
excathedra
OHMYGOD andrea. did you ever tell any of the stinkin helpmeet "leadership" he was beating the life out of you
Link to comment
Share on other sites
houseisarockin
I'm sorry Andrea.
Link to comment
Share on other sites
andreatheflorist
Thanks, you all. It wasn't courage or any thing so high minded as convictions, etc etc. I just realized that being alive in mind & body was far better than the mess I lived in!
I guess maybe we all realized this. Those of us who got out of our collective abusive twi relationship!
Link to comment
Share on other sites
excathedra
gosh thank you andrea, i relate
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Belle
Yep, Andrea. I had gotten to the point where no matter how bad it might be on the outside it couldn't possibly be as bad as it was on the inside.
I was also encouraged because I knew that my family would be there to support me 100% and that I could count on their truly unconditional, non-performance based love.
Link to comment
Share on other sites
andreatheflorist
Thanks Gals! You know I'm thankful our paths have crossed (ps- exxie, maybe someday you could move just south of hell-Texas! in august it quite feels like it!)
Link to comment
Share on other sites
GeorgeStGeorge
Can I infer from this that Oklahoma is Hell?
;)-->
I'll never know if TWI would have manipulated my marriage. I got M&A'd shortly after Lucy and I got engaged, and she chose to come with me.
George
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.