"start with a quart of water in a glass pan. Add a half bottle of dish detergent. Gently stir. Put in microwave on high for about 45 minutes. Then you may add the macaroni."
"In an emergency or famine, Ivory soap may also be prepared for consumption. Only ivory soap can be cooked, other soaps will not work. Place 3 bars of soap in microwave.
Adjust microwave to high setting for 20 minutes. After 20 minutes your suprise dinner will be waiting for you."
"If you wish, Vaseline or any less costly generic petroleum jelly may be substituted for otherwise high fat and high cholesterol items such as butter. Indeed, Vaseline is prized as a nutritious condiment in some parts of the world. You may consider mixing a tablespoon of garlic powder into the condiment before applying it to saltine crackers for the snack for one of your next household fellowships. (nice picture of bowl and mixing utensils are placed under the recipe).
"Alternatively, you may consider using the un-discarded macaroni boxes. Carefully cut them into two inch by two inch squares. After applying the vaseline, your guests may not notice the difference."
"Dear Heloise, I am in a quandry as to what to do with the used coffee styrofoam cups. The slobs that come to my little meeting leave tobacco stains, lipstick, chewing gum, and goobers in the cups. I am now finding it almost impossible to remove said stains, and am about ready to mark and avoid the whole bunch of idiots. Please tell me what to do.. Helpless in Podunk Iowa (no aspersions intended to the great state of Iowa) .
Dear Helpless: Why not use sea water? NO, not for cleaning the cups, you farking idiot. Use it to MAKE the coffee. Your guests will no longer consume the coffee, hence, you will not even need clean cups. By the way, I am from Iowa. Tell anybody that you are from Iowa again, and I will break BOTH of your arms. Love, Hel.
"Dear Abby: No matter how many times I whack my 2-year old with a wooden spoon, he just will not sit still for more than 45 minutes. We're not even done with the prayer portion of our HouseHold Fellowship by that time! What am I to do? signed: AtALoss"
"Dear AAL: You really should send that wicked, wicked child to live with someone else. There's no way that that child will *ever* be able to live up to the standard of the Word. Mark my words, he'll be toting 5 star general devil spirits in no time!"
"Dear Abby: I want to continue with the GreatnessTM of God, but my husband wants to trip out. I love him dearly, and we have 3 children together, and he's my best friend, and we've been together 12 years, but I just don't know what to do. Can you help? Wondering"
"Dear Won: You must Mark and Avoid this worthless bastard! Remember, evil associations corrupt good morals! He will drag you down and your children with him! If you stay with him, God won't be able to even spit in your direction! This is your *only* alternative! Remember, you have NO friends when it comes to The WordTM"
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Ham
"three servings of bread a day starting to make you feel run down? drink water.."
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Ham
In a way, I hope they make that guy one of the next bots. I would have more fun here than I am having already!
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Belle
And SITting gives you more energy, too - so you don't need to eat those calorie laden foods.
YOu work your a$$ off each day for us and we'll ask God to grow you a new one each morning.
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Ham
heh heh heh.
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pjroberge
Mr. Hammeroni
But, how many recipees are there for macaroni and cheese in the no brand basics black & white box?Link to comment
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Ham
Well.... if they can afford a gas or electric range.. the possibilities are endless!
For example:
Filet Migaroon
toasted macaroni and cheese sauce
Parboiled macaroni
macaroni salad, the salad is only made with macaroni
macaroni steaks, rare, medium or well done
Macaroni fricassee
macaroni stew (unless they only have a license for hunting fricasseing macaroni)
I am sure that recipes that include the cardboard box would be equally welcome..
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Ham
Or old fashioned macaroni bratton like grandma used to make..
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Ham
We should include quick microwave recipes, unless they threw them all out after mogs rant about them. I will have to do some research..
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Ham
"start with a quart of water in a glass pan. Add a half bottle of dish detergent. Gently stir. Put in microwave on high for about 45 minutes. Then you may add the macaroni."
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Ham
Pat, this is your fault.. should't have gotten me going!
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Ham
"In an emergency or famine, Ivory soap may also be prepared for consumption. Only ivory soap can be cooked, other soaps will not work. Place 3 bars of soap in microwave.
Adjust microwave to high setting for 20 minutes. After 20 minutes your suprise dinner will be waiting for you."
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Ham
"If you wish, Vaseline or any less costly generic petroleum jelly may be substituted for otherwise high fat and high cholesterol items such as butter. Indeed, Vaseline is prized as a nutritious condiment in some parts of the world. You may consider mixing a tablespoon of garlic powder into the condiment before applying it to saltine crackers for the snack for one of your next household fellowships. (nice picture of bowl and mixing utensils are placed under the recipe).
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Ham
"Alternatively, you may consider using the un-discarded macaroni boxes. Carefully cut them into two inch by two inch squares. After applying the vaseline, your guests may not notice the difference."
Edited by Mr. HammeroniLink to comment
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jim martin/ jimextwi
gee what a recepie I do not think i will be putting this one in my survival cook book!
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Ham
Thanks Jim! Next: "101 ways to make water more appetizing for your wayfer fellowship." Just kidding..
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Ham
"Dear Heloise, I am in a quandry as to what to do with the used coffee styrofoam cups. The slobs that come to my little meeting leave tobacco stains, lipstick, chewing gum, and goobers in the cups. I am now finding it almost impossible to remove said stains, and am about ready to mark and avoid the whole bunch of idiots. Please tell me what to do.. Helpless in Podunk Iowa (no aspersions intended to the great state of Iowa) .
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Ham
Dear Helpless: Why not use sea water? NO, not for cleaning the cups, you farking idiot. Use it to MAKE the coffee. Your guests will no longer consume the coffee, hence, you will not even need clean cups. By the way, I am from Iowa. Tell anybody that you are from Iowa again, and I will break BOTH of your arms. Love, Hel.
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Belle
ROFLMAO, MR. H!!!
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Ham
Thanks Belle! I think Pat could use this one on the new site.. call it "coffee cup dilemma".
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Steve!
"Dear Abby: No matter how many times I whack my 2-year old with a wooden spoon, he just will not sit still for more than 45 minutes. We're not even done with the prayer portion of our HouseHold Fellowship by that time! What am I to do? signed: AtALoss"
"Dear AAL: You really should send that wicked, wicked child to live with someone else. There's no way that that child will *ever* be able to live up to the standard of the Word. Mark my words, he'll be toting 5 star general devil spirits in no time!"
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Ham
Holy cow.. sounds almost like some real life advice some people were given.. usually the kid WOULD be better off somewhere else.
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Steve!
"Dear Abby: I want to continue with the GreatnessTM of God, but my husband wants to trip out. I love him dearly, and we have 3 children together, and he's my best friend, and we've been together 12 years, but I just don't know what to do. Can you help? Wondering"
"Dear Won: You must Mark and Avoid this worthless bastard! Remember, evil associations corrupt good morals! He will drag you down and your children with him! If you stay with him, God won't be able to even spit in your direction! This is your *only* alternative! Remember, you have NO friends when it comes to The WordTM"
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WordWolf
Dear Hell-loise:
I'm a young, impressionable female approaching 20 years old.
Last month, we visited hq. While I was asleep, about 3am,
I awoke suddenly to find the mog in my room (I was sure I
locked the door), dressed in a smoking jacket and silk
pajamas. He said something about healing me and a real man
of God, and blessing me. Then he left. For some reason, he
seemed discomfited seeing the dagger my Daddy always told
me to hold in my hand whenever any man not my husband was
alone in my bedroom with me.
I'm confused by what happened. What was the mog talking about?
Was something wrong with my knife? What should I have done?
===========
(Someone else will have to answer this one.
My limit was writing it, even as a hypothetical.)
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pjroberge
Your requests have been granted. The prevailing advice column has been born.
:D--> www.presentspewth.com
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