I think 5 would be a good number though. That way there'd always be at least 3 if they need to fire one or two along the way.
But if they really wanted to change the light bulb, they'd have to get help as it would require one of them to actually get up off their butz and do some work and it's been so long since they've done any work their butz would probably resist and possibly even fall off.
But if they really wanted to change the light bulb, they'd have to get help as it would require one of them to actually get up off their butz and do some work and it's been so long since they've done any work their butz would probably resist and possibly even fall off.
Do you remember that woman that died several weeks ago, the one whose skin had bonded to her couch because she hadn't moved in so long?
First, they would need their PR man to spin about how the bulb didn't really burn out when the story hit the papers. They had perceived the bulb was on the take and prepared for it being faulty. They had given it pleanty of warning, telling it that it should submit a request to the BOT if it planning to go out.
Next, they would get advise from their legal team on removing the bulb. Since they can't afford any more lawsuits, settlements or legal rulings, they want to make sure that they are within the parameters of the law before removing the said bulb.
An announcement would be made at the lunchtime meal about the burnt out bulb. There would be discussion on how the bulb was a "bad apple" to begin with and that there was some crap in the bulbs past that it couldn't get over. The bulb could not prevail over the adversary, because the adversary prefers darkness, afterall. (This would lead into a teaching about light v. darkness at the next Way Corp phone hookup.)
The Cabinate would meet to discuss the bulb and examin why it burnt out. They would call the Grounds/Way Builders to discuss why no one had the "green light" on the bulb burning out. They would also talk about the possibility of cost savings and possibly changing light bulbs BEFORE they burnt out, since a burnt out bulb was also a waste of electricity.
Grounds/Way Builders would call the Purchasing Dept. to find out where they got the bulbs from, if any studies were done on the bulbs and if there was a more "cost-effective" vendor with a more reliable product than the brand of bulb they they had procured. They would also ask for a new ladder to get to the burnt out bulb because they needed the best equipment for the job.
Purchasing Dept. would call the vendor, totally rag them out, .... them off and then try to locate another vendor. After alienating all the other light bulb vendors in Ohio, they would go back to the first vendor with a service agreement and warantee contract for the purchase of any future light bulbs.
The Accounting Dept. would be deployed next, to examin the contract with the light bulb vendor and to project future light bulb costs.
Shipping/Receiving Dept. would accept the delivery of the new light bulbs. They would examine the box and try to discern if any debbil spurts came in on or in the box. Then they would call Grounds/Way Builders to come get the bulbs.
The members of Grounds/Way Builders would need to write in the changing of the burnt out light bulb into their schedules to be approved by their dept. director that they, in fact, do the task.
Grounds/Way Builders would hold the new bulbs until they got the new ladder they had ordered. Then they would call the Housekeeping Dept. to come clean the glass fixture the burnt out bulb had been in. After the clean fixture was checked for faulty wiring by Way Builders, they would get on their new ladder, wearing proper safety equipment - gloves, safety glasses, steel-toe boots, elbow and knee pads - to install the new bulb. There would be two men at the bottom of the ladder and one on it. A fourth would be supervising and SIT-ing.
Once the new bulb was in place they would all need to report back to leadership that they had completed the task. They would fill out the necessary paperwork for disposing of the old bulb, report on the safety of the job, the performance of the new ladder and test the new light bulb.
Their leadership would report to the Cabinate, who would report to the BOT.
The BOT would make an announcement at the next lunch time about how the household had once again prevailed against the darkness of the adversary. This would result in a teaching at the next Way Corps phone hook up about light v. darkness.
Did you notice how little the BOT was really involved?
Just reading that was painful! Umm, that's not a remark about how you write, Chas, but about how really TWIsted TWI is.
An addendum:
The format of the bulbs chosen would be such that within a couple of years, there would be no one selling this particular kind of bulb. And all TWI-ites worldwide would have bought and installed this type of bulb, since it was an edict from TWIt. The edict would have spouted about how, after much research and comparison, this bulb was determined to be THE BEST light bulb available, and henceforth no TWIt functions could occur where this lightbulb was not in use.
Chas, I think you have the workflow of the Way down well enough to be a Way Consultant! :D-->
Steve! I never read about that. Sounds a lot like "Double Session Syndrome". That was when a Limb Coordinator would be under pressure to run concurrent PFAL classes, and have a class here or there that wasn't going to finish on time. So he'd get the class coordinator to run double sessions on the weekends. Two - 3 hour sessions in a day, with breaks, plus a potluck.
But it was time with the Family so it was fun. Where DSS would set in the worst was during the summer, where people would actually sit in metal folding chairs for hour after hour and their azzes and lower backs would actually bond with the brown paint of the chair and then when they'd stand up.....sss-rrrr-iiiii-ppp---sssshhhh! It would peel the paint right off.
But it was blessed paint so it was okay.
Really.
Where can I read more about that couch thingie?
That person may have been in a makeup session, you never know.
Staff would be informed that a light bulb burned out and that this is a perfect example of the decline of Staff's heart and believing. Howard Allen would come up and tell everyone how light bulbs don't just burn out and how he was able to save 4 dollars over the last 30 years by proper care of light bulbs and believing for their long life. He proceeds to recite a long and confused story about how a worker lost 2 fingers at the mill because someone let a light bulb burn out.
The head of Way Builders would come up next and explain the attention to detail that his people use in changing light bulbs and how carelessly changing light bulbs is poor stewardship of God's money.
Next Linder would explain that light bulbs serve as the first line of security around TWI and that it is everyone's responsiblity to be aware of burned out light bulbs and to promptly send both him and Way Builders a memo describing when and where any burned out light bulbs are spotted.
Finally, VPW would come out with a cup of coffee and a cigarette. He takes a long drag on the cigarette, looks around slowly and then tells us how he loves us all, but we've got to start showing our heart by believing or else he'll close the place down if he finds another burned out light bulb.
He says that he can tell the spiritual darkness of an office or department just by noting how many lightbulbs are dark.
He prays and thanks Father for softening our hearts and opening our eyes of understanding concerning burned out light bulbs, says amen and tells us (with tears in his eyes) that we're the best and that he loves us and to get to work.
Thanks for the input! You guys that were "closer to the fire" really know your stuff. Jim, I would not be suprised if that is not exactly how one of those meetings would go. In Martinpukes era though, I think they would get more of an extensive reaming because the staff was not spiritual enough to know ahead of time when the bulb burned out, and replace it before its demise. Now we do not wait to catch the bulbs in the act, genuine spiritual suspicion is all that is necessary!
I have always wondered what they really do with the bulbs that they have been forced to mark and avoid. Maybe they save a few up, rent a Ryder truck and drop them off somewhere past the 250 mile radius around headquarters.
Too true! And on top of that, everyone would be in tears and vowing in their hearts to never allow a lightbulb to burn out again. And they would be looking at each other, silently congratulating each other on being in such a spiritually sharp place with such spiritually mature leader.
Johnnysocks - that was a rip on the Sony Betamax VCRs that the Way Nash had everyone buy back in the early 80's because they were of such high quality. Ya *gotta* bremember that!
I did a short stint on staff in the Food Services Dept. - I actually liked my work a lot there - but one time someone broke a dish.
OH NO!
You wouldn't believe what had to be done after the dish broke.
The person who broke it reported it to the shift leader. They were told they had to wrap it up in a heavy brown paper bag and tape the bag shut. The package was placed in a trashbag and the trashbag had to be labeled "BROKEN GLASS" or something like that in several places. Then, they had to take it to the dumpster themselves so that no one would take the chance of getting cut on the glass. Finally, they had to write a short incident report on how/why the plate was broken and if anyone was hurt, etc.
LOLOL Chas! I worked in FS during an Advanced Class. I remember breaking a glass creamer which was supposed to be on the Head Table! Lord oh mighty! You'd thought the place burned down or sumthin!
quote: Finally, they had to write a short incident report on how/why the plate was broken and if anyone was hurt, etc.
I'm not making this up - this really happened!
Good thing there was no food on this plate.
Otherwise, they'd a had to fill out an additional incident report on how much food was wasted, could any of that food have been washed off and served anyway, how much food was needed to replace the spilled stuff, how expensive was the food (ie - the meat vs. vegetables vs. potatos scale), how much "lost" time was involved in replacing a filled plate, and how much extra space in the garbage bag would be need to accomodate the spillage, since "uninvited trash" is not welcome at da Way! :D-->
Beta..."The beta version of a product still awaits full debugging or full implementation of all its functionality, but satisfies a majority of the requirements. Beta versions (or just betas) stand at an intermediate step in the full development cycle."
After the lightbulb incident is handled successfully at hq there will be an announcement on the next Sunday service and then the fellowships will be handed a step by step process for eliminating lightbulb burnout in their own homes.
The TWIts will have to follow these steps in their own homes and report back that they have followed all the rules and procedures exactly as they were presented. They will then be required to write thank you notes to the BOT thanking them for keeping the light on in their lives.
. . . and you would have to make sure that you scheduled the burned out light bulbs at least a week ahead of time, and you would have to change burned out light bulbs two by two.
Chas - it's four days later and I am still laughing my butt off.
Remember, once all the research for changing a light bulb is done at HQ, now they must implement this spiritual truth throughout the household fellowships. The branch coordinator and his spouse will hold a special teaching day on Sunday for about 3 to 4 hours - do not forget your index cards so that afterwards you can praise their spiritual performance in being so sharp on this lightbulb thing (then it will be necessary for everyone to run home and change so as not to be late for Sunday service) where again the MOG will espouse and spit and spew the truth regarding darkness and how switching on the light bulb in our lives will remove the darkness.
A weekend spayshul will be planned after of course all household fellowship coordinators have been briefed to inspect each believers home to see that the offending light bulbs have been changed or have been scheduled to be changed. Said believer must report back to fellowhip coordinator, who must report back to branch coordinator, who must report back to region coordinator, who must report back to cabinet blah blah blah.
With this report, believer must include first payment installment toward the upcoming weekend spayshulwhose children's attendence is also mandatory. After all, the children are the next generation of light bulb changers at HQ and must attend. If you are unable to pay, you must consider mortgaging your house (oh that's right) you can't own a house! Sell your car? In addition, there will be several nights of study groups prior to said special in order for the eyes of your understanding to be "enlightened". Children who are unable to attend must write the MOG an apology letter and say 4 hail mary's (oops wrong cult) These study nights will be on off fellowship nights (ie: if you have fellowship Mon, Wed, Fri and Sun, you must schedule these study sessions on Tues, Thurs and Sat. God I am tired..............
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socks
Can board members really change anything?
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JustThinking
Their stories/alibis?
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socks
I think 5 would be a good number though. That way there'd always be at least 3 if they need to fire one or two along the way.
But if they really wanted to change the light bulb, they'd have to get help as it would require one of them to actually get up off their butz and do some work and it's been so long since they've done any work their butz would probably resist and possibly even fall off.
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socks
JT, that's something they'r very good at changing, I forgot about that.
New video? - "Changed" ...just when you thought they had their story straight... coming soon!
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Steve!
Do you remember that woman that died several weeks ago, the one whose skin had bonded to her couch because she hadn't moved in so long?
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ChasUFarley
First, they would need their PR man to spin about how the bulb didn't really burn out when the story hit the papers. They had perceived the bulb was on the take and prepared for it being faulty. They had given it pleanty of warning, telling it that it should submit a request to the BOT if it planning to go out.
Next, they would get advise from their legal team on removing the bulb. Since they can't afford any more lawsuits, settlements or legal rulings, they want to make sure that they are within the parameters of the law before removing the said bulb.
An announcement would be made at the lunchtime meal about the burnt out bulb. There would be discussion on how the bulb was a "bad apple" to begin with and that there was some crap in the bulbs past that it couldn't get over. The bulb could not prevail over the adversary, because the adversary prefers darkness, afterall. (This would lead into a teaching about light v. darkness at the next Way Corp phone hookup.)
The Cabinate would meet to discuss the bulb and examin why it burnt out. They would call the Grounds/Way Builders to discuss why no one had the "green light" on the bulb burning out. They would also talk about the possibility of cost savings and possibly changing light bulbs BEFORE they burnt out, since a burnt out bulb was also a waste of electricity.
Grounds/Way Builders would call the Purchasing Dept. to find out where they got the bulbs from, if any studies were done on the bulbs and if there was a more "cost-effective" vendor with a more reliable product than the brand of bulb they they had procured. They would also ask for a new ladder to get to the burnt out bulb because they needed the best equipment for the job.
Purchasing Dept. would call the vendor, totally rag them out, .... them off and then try to locate another vendor. After alienating all the other light bulb vendors in Ohio, they would go back to the first vendor with a service agreement and warantee contract for the purchase of any future light bulbs.
The Accounting Dept. would be deployed next, to examin the contract with the light bulb vendor and to project future light bulb costs.
Shipping/Receiving Dept. would accept the delivery of the new light bulbs. They would examine the box and try to discern if any debbil spurts came in on or in the box. Then they would call Grounds/Way Builders to come get the bulbs.
The members of Grounds/Way Builders would need to write in the changing of the burnt out light bulb into their schedules to be approved by their dept. director that they, in fact, do the task.
Grounds/Way Builders would hold the new bulbs until they got the new ladder they had ordered. Then they would call the Housekeeping Dept. to come clean the glass fixture the burnt out bulb had been in. After the clean fixture was checked for faulty wiring by Way Builders, they would get on their new ladder, wearing proper safety equipment - gloves, safety glasses, steel-toe boots, elbow and knee pads - to install the new bulb. There would be two men at the bottom of the ladder and one on it. A fourth would be supervising and SIT-ing.
Once the new bulb was in place they would all need to report back to leadership that they had completed the task. They would fill out the necessary paperwork for disposing of the old bulb, report on the safety of the job, the performance of the new ladder and test the new light bulb.
Their leadership would report to the Cabinate, who would report to the BOT.
The BOT would make an announcement at the next lunch time about how the household had once again prevailed against the darkness of the adversary. This would result in a teaching at the next Way Corps phone hook up about light v. darkness.
Did you notice how little the BOT was really involved?
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Steve!
Just reading that was painful! Umm, that's not a remark about how you write, Chas, but about how really TWIsted TWI is.
An addendum:
The format of the bulbs chosen would be such that within a couple of years, there would be no one selling this particular kind of bulb. And all TWI-ites worldwide would have bought and installed this type of bulb, since it was an edict from TWIt. The edict would have spouted about how, after much research and comparison, this bulb was determined to be THE BEST light bulb available, and henceforth no TWIt functions could occur where this lightbulb was not in use.
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Nottawayfer
Well I'll be an SOB. That's why it took almost a week to get my halogen light changed in my room in FH. No kiddin'.
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socks
Chas, I think you have the workflow of the Way down well enough to be a Way Consultant!
:D-->
Steve! I never read about that. Sounds a lot like "Double Session Syndrome". That was when a Limb Coordinator would be under pressure to run concurrent PFAL classes, and have a class here or there that wasn't going to finish on time. So he'd get the class coordinator to run double sessions on the weekends. Two - 3 hour sessions in a day, with breaks, plus a potluck.
But it was time with the Family so it was fun. Where DSS would set in the worst was during the summer, where people would actually sit in metal folding chairs for hour after hour and their azzes and lower backs would actually bond with the brown paint of the chair and then when they'd stand up.....sss-rrrr-iiiii-ppp---sssshhhh! It would peel the paint right off.
But it was blessed paint so it was okay.
Really.
Where can I read more about that couch thingie?
That person may have been in a makeup session, you never know.
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excathedra
makeup session. oh for godssake now i have to go the flashback thread
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Jim
Chas,
You left out the Sunday morning staff meeting.
Staff would be informed that a light bulb burned out and that this is a perfect example of the decline of Staff's heart and believing. Howard Allen would come up and tell everyone how light bulbs don't just burn out and how he was able to save 4 dollars over the last 30 years by proper care of light bulbs and believing for their long life. He proceeds to recite a long and confused story about how a worker lost 2 fingers at the mill because someone let a light bulb burn out.
The head of Way Builders would come up next and explain the attention to detail that his people use in changing light bulbs and how carelessly changing light bulbs is poor stewardship of God's money.
Next Linder would explain that light bulbs serve as the first line of security around TWI and that it is everyone's responsiblity to be aware of burned out light bulbs and to promptly send both him and Way Builders a memo describing when and where any burned out light bulbs are spotted.
Finally, VPW would come out with a cup of coffee and a cigarette. He takes a long drag on the cigarette, looks around slowly and then tells us how he loves us all, but we've got to start showing our heart by believing or else he'll close the place down if he finds another burned out light bulb.
He says that he can tell the spiritual darkness of an office or department just by noting how many lightbulbs are dark.
He prays and thanks Father for softening our hearts and opening our eyes of understanding concerning burned out light bulbs, says amen and tells us (with tears in his eyes) that we're the best and that he loves us and to get to work.
Anyone up for doing the Tues night Corps meeting?
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Ham
Thanks for the input! You guys that were "closer to the fire" really know your stuff. Jim, I would not be suprised if that is not exactly how one of those meetings would go. In Martinpukes era though, I think they would get more of an extensive reaming because the staff was not spiritual enough to know ahead of time when the bulb burned out, and replace it before its demise. Now we do not wait to catch the bulbs in the act, genuine spiritual suspicion is all that is necessary!
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Ham
I have always wondered what they really do with the bulbs that they have been forced to mark and avoid. Maybe they save a few up, rent a Ryder truck and drop them off somewhere past the 250 mile radius around headquarters.
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Steve!
Jim -
Too true! And on top of that, everyone would be in tears and vowing in their hearts to never allow a lightbulb to burn out again. And they would be looking at each other, silently congratulating each other on being in such a spiritually sharp place with such spiritually mature leader.
Johnnysocks - that was a rip on the Sony Betamax VCRs that the Way Nash had everyone buy back in the early 80's because they were of such high quality. Ya *gotta* bremember that!
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ChasUFarley
I did a short stint on staff in the Food Services Dept. - I actually liked my work a lot there - but one time someone broke a dish.
OH NO!
You wouldn't believe what had to be done after the dish broke.
The person who broke it reported it to the shift leader. They were told they had to wrap it up in a heavy brown paper bag and tape the bag shut. The package was placed in a trashbag and the trashbag had to be labeled "BROKEN GLASS" or something like that in several places. Then, they had to take it to the dumpster themselves so that no one would take the chance of getting cut on the glass. Finally, they had to write a short incident report on how/why the plate was broken and if anyone was hurt, etc.
I'm not making this up - this really happened!
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Nottawayfer
LOLOL Chas! I worked in FS during an Advanced Class. I remember breaking a glass creamer which was supposed to be on the Head Table! Lord oh mighty! You'd thought the place burned down or sumthin!
Gawd forbid, don't EVER cut your finger in FS.
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dmiller
Good thing there was no food on this plate.
Otherwise, they'd a had to fill out an additional incident report on how much food was wasted, could any of that food have been washed off and served anyway, how much food was needed to replace the spilled stuff, how expensive was the food (ie - the meat vs. vegetables vs. potatos scale), how much "lost" time was involved in replacing a filled plate, and how much extra space in the garbage bag would be need to accomodate the spillage, since "uninvited trash" is not welcome at da Way!
:D-->
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socks
Beta..."The beta version of a product still awaits full debugging or full implementation of all its functionality, but satisfies a majority of the requirements. Beta versions (or just betas) stand at an intermediate step in the full development cycle."
You gotta hold for the gold.
:D-->
Next Oprah - couch potato a peel!
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Belle
Y'all are hilarious!
After the lightbulb incident is handled successfully at hq there will be an announcement on the next Sunday service and then the fellowships will be handed a step by step process for eliminating lightbulb burnout in their own homes.
The TWIts will have to follow these steps in their own homes and report back that they have followed all the rules and procedures exactly as they were presented. They will then be required to write thank you notes to the BOT thanking them for keeping the light on in their lives.
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Steve!
. . . and you would have to make sure that you scheduled the burned out light bulbs at least a week ahead of time, and you would have to change burned out light bulbs two by two.
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outofdafog
Chas - it's four days later and I am still laughing my butt off.
Remember, once all the research for changing a light bulb is done at HQ, now they must implement this spiritual truth throughout the household fellowships. The branch coordinator and his spouse will hold a special teaching day on Sunday for about 3 to 4 hours - do not forget your index cards so that afterwards you can praise their spiritual performance in being so sharp on this lightbulb thing (then it will be necessary for everyone to run home and change so as not to be late for Sunday service) where again the MOG will espouse and spit and spew the truth regarding darkness and how switching on the light bulb in our lives will remove the darkness.
A weekend spayshul will be planned after of course all household fellowship coordinators have been briefed to inspect each believers home to see that the offending light bulbs have been changed or have been scheduled to be changed. Said believer must report back to fellowhip coordinator, who must report back to branch coordinator, who must report back to region coordinator, who must report back to cabinet blah blah blah.
With this report, believer must include first payment installment toward the upcoming weekend spayshulwhose children's attendence is also mandatory. After all, the children are the next generation of light bulb changers at HQ and must attend. If you are unable to pay, you must consider mortgaging your house (oh that's right) you can't own a house! Sell your car? In addition, there will be several nights of study groups prior to said special in order for the eyes of your understanding to be "enlightened". Children who are unable to attend must write the MOG an apology letter and say 4 hail mary's (oops wrong cult) These study nights will be on off fellowship nights (ie: if you have fellowship Mon, Wed, Fri and Sun, you must schedule these study sessions on Tues, Thurs and Sat. God I am tired..............
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