I as in twi, and my sister was involved in a Geerite offshoot for many years. She left her offshoot many years before I left twi. She understood what I went through when I left and was/is a great support to me.
For me, being in for almost 20 years, it was worse than my divorce. After looking back, I felt very angry about dedicating my life and giving without hesitation only to be disregarded in the end because my feelings didn't matter.
I have moved on since then (it's been 1 1/2 years now since leaving). I moved on with the help of a divorce care group at a local church. It helped me with my feelings of anger, lonliness, and resentment--all things you exerience in a divorce. It was healing for me. Others found healing in other things. My healing started in being able to vent my frustrations and feelings on this forum. There are many understanding people who will lend an ear.
Welcome to the cafe, and good luck (Yep, I use that word now!! :D-->) on your journeys.
Fer starters I'd suggest you forget about being "thankful" for anything WayWorld did.
If you received any benefit from the outfit (possible, I guess) you paid for it dearly.
That's how the organization is devised. You pay to play.
I've found that, in retrospect, anything worthwhile I learned at TWI was pretty bland, tepid, unexciting information that I could have learned elsewhere quite easily at not near the cost in finances or mental health.
The really tittilating, "block-buster", over-the-top type of information that is/was taught at WayWorld is primarily B.S. and should be discounted immediately. Despite their rhetoric, TWI is not a bastion of scholarly, intellectual
dedication and research. They were/are primarily a bunch of self-deluded scam artists, trying desperately to convince the unwary of their unique and unbreakable tie to the Almighty.
Val, I'm sorry that the person private e-mailed you. Guessing that its from another list that I'm on I would have to say that person still wants the rose colored glasses on. How healing that is, huh?
I lived that way with rose colored glasses for many years and now that I don't so much anymore I have healed in many ways and really have a life now that is wonderful.
Can we say denial? Some can and some can't. Maybe she just will never be ready for it.
As opposed to WayferNot, who likens her separation from TWI to her divorce, to me it was more like the deaths of my parents. There is a great deal of remorse initially, but later you remember the good things and let the bad go.
If you learned a great deal of good things from TWI, hold onto them. Don't "throw out the baby with the bath," as the other George is wont to do. (Of course, "Resident Curmudgeon" is a tough job!)
The divorce analogy and the death of a parent analogy are both great! Because what you are going through are some very healthy steps of grieving. Anger is a very natural step in the process of grieving as are guilt and other things I am unable to recall right now. But all these are also steps to recovery.
Right now is not the time to listen to the *Georges*, because either direction may be nothing more than a *rebound* relationship. Now is the time to grieve and work through some things and recall what started the journey you were on in the first place.
There is a great book out there, it is titled The Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse. That is a great place to start to see what we all went through is not so unique and can be dealt with.
But, take some time and grieve. In that grieving you will also start to feel relief and a sense of freedom, a great feeling of freedom that will after time be more powerful than any chains trying to hold you back!!!!!!!!!!!!
Almost everytime you grow or accept something good in your life, it means giving up something else.
When you go to college, you give up life in your hometown and some of the friendships that go with it.
When you get married you give up living with your folks, or by yourself or with roomates etc.
The point is even when the place you're moving to is a good one (and giving up the way is a good move in my opinion) there can be a feeling of grief for what you're giving up. It's OK to feel BOTH ways. Feeling are just what they are.
There was a good book about this by Judith Vorst (if memory serves) called Necessary Losses.
I appreciate all your comments and they do help. After sharing with this board and just really thinking, I've come to realize that the procedures "The Way" taught were very military in style. Now, there is nothing wrong with the military -- but to mix it with God when people are searching. Not everyone is cut out to be a "soldier". They want to love, love and everything is great until -- okay, you're on your own now -- bye bye, grow up, renew your mind...etc....anyhow. I appreciate everyone's thoughts. :)-->
Twi saved my life. It almost damn near distroyed me too.
After I left, on occassion I cried uncontrolably, in a fetal position on the floor. That usually happened in the safty of my own home and it was at the drop of a hat. That was grief at its finest.
Since then I have sought counceling and GS has been a God send. GS has done for me what a therapist in many respects could not do. So welcome to GS. .
Hooner...welcome to the Grease spot! Unlike twi, you'll find a diversity of opinions here...and that's healthy.
I have been out now for 17 years (was in for 13)...I understand what you are going through, your "wounds" are still fresh...let me assure you that things will get MUCH better as time goes on.
I must say that my opinion of twi is very close to George Aars. They were a bunch of con artists who took advantage of some very sincere and naive folks...Recognizing then for what they are/were is very therapeutic in recovering from your experience.
I haven't been out of TWI that long and am still facing some of the same feelings as you. Each person will have his own opinion of the people and doctrine of TWI.
I joined TWI because of what I thought it was. We left when we got honest enough to admit it wasn't.
However, we still have a great family which we can make what we want. What worked for us was learning to enjoy how much we still had with our immediate family, friends and loved ones. We can read the Bible, hang out with people without trying to recruit them for something and just live. To be honest, it didn't take us long to not even miss TWI. Some of these feelings may go away faster than you think.
I was in an offshoot for about a year and I still feel confused about my own being. I was so brainwashed and it feels great to work a full time job, have money to spend and pay bills, and be open and honest about my feelings.....however the offshoot taught me how to hold back, so this still lingers on and I'm trying to break free. I will over time. The hardest part is over, and that was getting out!
Put yourself out there... explore... each day that you are out of TWI with your eyes open is another day of growth... I don't know if "it" ever all goes away... Heck, I walked away over 20 years ago and "it" still pops into my mind now and then... I don't know if it depends on 'how deeply you were in' or not though... I was all the way in... ate it, breathed it, tried to live it... so "it" saturate my being pretty heavily back then... but each day a little more fades into the abyss...
Do not be afraid to explore though, as some have suggested... as long as you keep your eyes open you should be OK... there's a world full of people and things out there to enjoy... and you can enjoy them...
There is a place for you on this planet even if you're not in TWI...
I agree with reading "The Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse" and Steve Hassan's "Releasing the Bonds". There are some other books out there about spiritual abuse and "Finding Your Religion". All aare helpful.
It might be good to find someone to talk to, a professional therapist, depending on how much you're dealing with or how difficult it is for you. Despite what LCM taught about that being a "rent a buddy" system and "paying someone to listen to you" it's very helpful and it's not a bad thing to go to one. It's what keeps people on this side of sane many times.
Of course, coming here is great therapy in and of itself. :D-->
I agree counseling can be a great tool to move on. I know there are many great counselors out there who are not constantly analyzing people, but truly want to help them. I think getting recommendations from people you know is a betteer way to choose one.
Wayward, don't you think it is ironic that lcm shunned people using counseling or psychiatrists, yet he used the fact that psychology used to categorize homosexuality as a psychological problem.
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Nottawayfer
I as in twi, and my sister was involved in a Geerite offshoot for many years. She left her offshoot many years before I left twi. She understood what I went through when I left and was/is a great support to me.
For me, being in for almost 20 years, it was worse than my divorce. After looking back, I felt very angry about dedicating my life and giving without hesitation only to be disregarded in the end because my feelings didn't matter.
I have moved on since then (it's been 1 1/2 years now since leaving). I moved on with the help of a divorce care group at a local church. It helped me with my feelings of anger, lonliness, and resentment--all things you exerience in a divorce. It was healing for me. Others found healing in other things. My healing started in being able to vent my frustrations and feelings on this forum. There are many understanding people who will lend an ear.
Welcome to the cafe, and good luck (Yep, I use that word now!!
:D-->) on your journeys.
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valerie52
Grease Spot was incredibly helpfull for me, in giving me a SAFE palce to unload my anger ,(for free)!!
I am very grateful to Paw for starting this web-site and keeping it a safe place so that others can have the same therapeutic affects.
:)-->
There are other ex-way web-sites that will not allow you to safely speak up. Even though they act like you can.
One I am dealing with now, a "female" told me in a private e-mail that I was a liar.
yea right
So getting over it is a process, and this site has been a wonderful vehicle for that for me.
:)--> 
:)-->
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George Aar
Hooner,
Fer starters I'd suggest you forget about being "thankful" for anything WayWorld did.
If you received any benefit from the outfit (possible, I guess) you paid for it dearly.
That's how the organization is devised. You pay to play.
I've found that, in retrospect, anything worthwhile I learned at TWI was pretty bland, tepid, unexciting information that I could have learned elsewhere quite easily at not near the cost in finances or mental health.
The really tittilating, "block-buster", over-the-top type of information that is/was taught at WayWorld is primarily B.S. and should be discounted immediately. Despite their rhetoric, TWI is not a bastion of scholarly, intellectual
dedication and research. They were/are primarily a bunch of self-deluded scam artists, trying desperately to convince the unwary of their unique and unbreakable tie to the Almighty.
They're lying...
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vickles
Val, I'm sorry that the person private e-mailed you. Guessing that its from another list that I'm on I would have to say that person still wants the rose colored glasses on. How healing that is, huh?
I lived that way with rose colored glasses for many years and now that I don't so much anymore I have healed in many ways and really have a life now that is wonderful.
Can we say denial? Some can and some can't. Maybe she just will never be ready for it.
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Hope R.
The old Waydale archives are filled with wonderful editorials. When we first left, this advice was given to us from the author and it really helped.
How to Extracate Yourself from TWI
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dmiller
Hooner -- twi taught some good stuff, and some bad stuff.
As in any other situation in life, sift out the good from the bad. Excess "baggage" gets heavy after a while!
;)-->
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GeorgeStGeorge
Hooner,
As opposed to WayferNot, who likens her separation from TWI to her divorce, to me it was more like the deaths of my parents. There is a great deal of remorse initially, but later you remember the good things and let the bad go.
If you learned a great deal of good things from TWI, hold onto them. Don't "throw out the baby with the bath," as the other George is wont to do. (Of course, "Resident Curmudgeon" is a tough job!)
George St. George
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dmiller
Same thing goes for the "former members" who taught you.
:)-->
YOU study to show yourself approved to God, a workman etc., etc.
(2 Tim. 2:15)
Don't get discouraged because man, or an orginazation has let you down.
-->
GreaseSpot is a great place to ask questions, and get answers, as well as to just "unload" the excess baggage from years past.
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excathedra
how to move on
f the f'ing f'ers
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Grizzy
Hooner,
The divorce analogy and the death of a parent analogy are both great! Because what you are going through are some very healthy steps of grieving. Anger is a very natural step in the process of grieving as are guilt and other things I am unable to recall right now. But all these are also steps to recovery.
Right now is not the time to listen to the *Georges*, because either direction may be nothing more than a *rebound* relationship. Now is the time to grieve and work through some things and recall what started the journey you were on in the first place.
There is a great book out there, it is titled The Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse. That is a great place to start to see what we all went through is not so unique and can be dealt with.
But, take some time and grieve. In that grieving you will also start to feel relief and a sense of freedom, a great feeling of freedom that will after time be more powerful than any chains trying to hold you back!!!!!!!!!!!!
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My3Cents
Almost everytime you grow or accept something good in your life, it means giving up something else.
When you go to college, you give up life in your hometown and some of the friendships that go with it.
When you get married you give up living with your folks, or by yourself or with roomates etc.
The point is even when the place you're moving to is a good one (and giving up the way is a good move in my opinion) there can be a feeling of grief for what you're giving up. It's OK to feel BOTH ways. Feeling are just what they are.
There was a good book about this by Judith Vorst (if memory serves) called Necessary Losses.
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Hooner
I appreciate all your comments and they do help. After sharing with this board and just really thinking, I've come to realize that the procedures "The Way" taught were very military in style. Now, there is nothing wrong with the military -- but to mix it with God when people are searching. Not everyone is cut out to be a "soldier". They want to love, love and everything is great until -- okay, you're on your own now -- bye bye, grow up, renew your mind...etc....anyhow. I appreciate everyone's thoughts.
:)-->
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imbus
Twi saved my life. It almost damn near distroyed me too.
After I left, on occassion I cried uncontrolably, in a fetal position on the floor. That usually happened in the safty of my own home and it was at the drop of a hat. That was grief at its finest.
Since then I have sought counceling and GS has been a God send. GS has done for me what a therapist in many respects could not do. So welcome to GS. .
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GrouchoMarxJr
Hooner...welcome to the Grease spot! Unlike twi, you'll find a diversity of opinions here...and that's healthy.
I have been out now for 17 years (was in for 13)...I understand what you are going through, your "wounds" are still fresh...let me assure you that things will get MUCH better as time goes on.
I must say that my opinion of twi is very close to George Aars. They were a bunch of con artists who took advantage of some very sincere and naive folks...Recognizing then for what they are/were is very therapeutic in recovering from your experience.
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JustThinking
Hooner,
I haven't been out of TWI that long and am still facing some of the same feelings as you. Each person will have his own opinion of the people and doctrine of TWI.
I joined TWI because of what I thought it was. We left when we got honest enough to admit it wasn't.
However, we still have a great family which we can make what we want. What worked for us was learning to enjoy how much we still had with our immediate family, friends and loved ones. We can read the Bible, hang out with people without trying to recruit them for something and just live. To be honest, it didn't take us long to not even miss TWI. Some of these feelings may go away faster than you think.
JT
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WordWolf
Not to detract from the previous posts-which I AGREE with.....
I'd also recommend finding some competent Christians not connected with twi and
spending some time with them.
Some of the things you learned may be useful, some may not be. Either way, shine some
light into things, and also discover that normal Christians are not all idiots like
we were taught.
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Nottawayfer
Very nicely said WW
:)-->
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No Way
I was in an offshoot for about a year and I still feel confused about my own being. I was so brainwashed and it feels great to work a full time job, have money to spend and pay bills, and be open and honest about my feelings.....however the offshoot taught me how to hold back, so this still lingers on and I'm trying to break free. I will over time. The hardest part is over, and that was getting out!
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imbus
AMAN! Again, I SAY...AMEN!
:D-->
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Tom Strange
Put yourself out there... explore... each day that you are out of TWI with your eyes open is another day of growth... I don't know if "it" ever all goes away... Heck, I walked away over 20 years ago and "it" still pops into my mind now and then... I don't know if it depends on 'how deeply you were in' or not though... I was all the way in... ate it, breathed it, tried to live it... so "it" saturate my being pretty heavily back then... but each day a little more fades into the abyss...
Do not be afraid to explore though, as some have suggested... as long as you keep your eyes open you should be OK... there's a world full of people and things out there to enjoy... and you can enjoy them...
There is a place for you on this planet even if you're not in TWI...
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WaywardWayfer
I agree with reading "The Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse" and Steve Hassan's "Releasing the Bonds". There are some other books out there about spiritual abuse and "Finding Your Religion". All aare helpful.
It might be good to find someone to talk to, a professional therapist, depending on how much you're dealing with or how difficult it is for you. Despite what LCM taught about that being a "rent a buddy" system and "paying someone to listen to you" it's very helpful and it's not a bad thing to go to one. It's what keeps people on this side of sane many times.
Of course, coming here is great therapy in and of itself.
:D-->
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Nottawayfer
I agree counseling can be a great tool to move on. I know there are many great counselors out there who are not constantly analyzing people, but truly want to help them. I think getting recommendations from people you know is a betteer way to choose one.
Wayward, don't you think it is ironic that lcm shunned people using counseling or psychiatrists, yet he used the fact that psychology used to categorize homosexuality as a psychological problem.
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