TWI and Co-dependency

[imbus]

On another thread Ala brought up co-dependency as part of the mind set of individuals who were ripe for following irrational teachings and directives.

Definition of a codependent is as follows: "A codependent person is one who has let another person's behavior affect him or her, and who is obessed with controlling that person's behavior." Melody Beattie

I realize this is a simplistic definition but is as deep as an ocean.

Here are some characteristics of a codependent.

1.Think and feel responsible for other people- for others people's feelings, thoughts, actions, choices, wants, needs, well-being, lack of well-being and ultimate destiny.

2. Push thoughts and feelings out of their awareness because of fear and guilt.

3. Feel teribly anxious about other peoples problems.

4. Blame themselves for everything.

5. Never find answers.

6. Have been victims of sexual, phisical,emotional abuse, neglect, abandonment, or alcoholism.

7. Feel alot of guilt.

8. Became afraid to let other people be who they are and allow event to happen naturally.

9. Stau busy so they don't have to think about things.

10. Get confuse.

11.Don't feel happy, content, or peaceful with themselve.

13. Latch onto whoever or whatever they think can provide happiness.

14. Center their lives around people.

15. Lose intrest in there own lives when they love.

16. Let others hurt them.

17. Wonder why they hurt so badly.

18. Have sex when they don't want to.

19. Withdraw emothonally from there partner.

20. Have weak boundries.

This is just a list of 20. There is about 150 charactristics codependents tend to be.

When I was with TWI I lived all these and more. It has taken years to change some of these behaviors.

Some of the teachings that incited codependent behavior was # 1, at the top of the list. We are Gods hands and feet and that God has no one else to walk among the almost dead. How overwelming a"truth".

AS for me I latched onto The Way... anyone else?

[waterbuffalo]

Thanks for bringing this up. I missed the post by Ala on this subject but have been thinking the same thing recently. I think most of us do or did have co dependent characteristics who were in the way. Also, in Beattie's book, she mentions that no two co dependents have all of the same characteristics but if you have a lot of them, you probably are.

Here's another one, Imbus, that comes to mind often: If it's to be it's up to me.

That used to take me down a very self-destructive path. I'm so very happy that now I've learned to LET the Lord arrange things and work situations out in his own time and way. Sometimes, many times, the most spiritual thing we can do is to pray about something and then leave it alone.

Here's one I like better and try to remember: Get out of the way!! So true, and the little play on words ALSO so true!

Wb

[Sunesis]

It was not until after I left TWI and began attending ACOA (Adult Children of Alcoholics) meetings regularly that my eyes were opened to realize what a dysfunctional, co-dependent lot the WC was with VPW as its alcoholic, also dysfunctional, "father figure" at the head.

Some of the stories of WC were amazing - the vast majority of us were a dysfunctional lot - not too many healthy people would have stayed, let alone go into the WC. We were a big, happy, dysfunctional family following the father figure.

Anyone who understands psychology knows, that a nation will follow to the death a leader who reminds them of that country's father figure archtype (Hitler, the stern father, Stalin the Russian jovial, harsh father, etc.).

The leadership in the WC used massive peer pressure and the concept of "commitment" - we were dog soldiers, doulouses, etc., etc. to keep us conformed. It was a very co-dependent relationship.

Although I think the reason TWI began to fail with LCM's ascension, is because LCM was and is not a father figure to anyone.

[Tom Strange]

I've thought this and said it for a while here... TWI's whole goal was to make us co-dependent... that's what a cult is "extreme" codependency to the point of blindness to logic...

...I once heard co-dependency defined as "taking your temperature to see how I feel"...

[oldiesman]

quote:

---

Some of the stories of WC were amazing - the vast majority of us were a dysfunctional lot - not too many healthy people would have stayed, let alone go into the WC. We were a big, happy, dysfunctional family following the father figure.

---

I suppose some folks were dysfunctional, but saying this about the vast majority is nothing more than a blanket put-down of commitments that folks made to want to love God more, and keep walking on the word more, after getting born again. Also, if the commitment was made to Father Wierwille, how does that explain folks staying around for years after his death? Or staying faithful to the word after his death (via twi and offshoots)

quote:

---

Although I think the reason TWI began to fail with LCM's ascension, is because LCM was and is not a father figure to anyone.

---

I think it was more like things like POP happening, and later with Craig's smokeouts and Rosie's and Donna's legalism.

[gladtobeout]

Imbus

Wow, so many of those characteristics define ME :(-->

I still have so much changing to do.

Thanks greasespotters for all you do

[waterbuffalo]

Sunesis, I've thought the same thing since I've been going to Al Anon. I truly believe anyone who wants to be delivered from the self destructive thinking that we either learned or had reinforced in the way would benefit from going to those meetings. We do not give each other pity, but rather study Al Anon literature and share how we have apply the 12 steps in our lives and how that leads to the way out of co dependent thinking and into sanity. Everyone doesn't share everytime. A lot of times I just listen and learn. I'm improving.

WB

[Shellon]

This also puts me in mind of the trust thread.

[imbus]

I know for myself the most powerful prayer I can pray to start my day is the Serenity Prayer.

God, grant me the serenity to acceept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can, And the wisdom to know the difference.

Wisdom to know the difference,that's a good one.

Healthy Neutrality comes to mind when I think of my codependency. Being neutral in all things and not allowing myself to get hooked into others drama or chaos amotionally.

I believe your right about bonding to a father figure(V.P) in the WC. It was recycling what we experianced as children. For those of you who did not come out of TWI or the WC with Codependency...LUCKY YOU!

[Danny]

From one bad father to a nut.

That was me.

OM you weren't corp what do you know? At least speak of something you know about.

[imbus]

Waterbuffalo... wonderful imput.

Sunese... good insight.

TL... your so right,Twi was a breading ground for Codependency.

[Shellon]

Danny said: OM you weren't corp what do you know? At least speak of something you know about.

=============================================

huh? am I to understand that only folks here that were corps know of what they speak in re: to twi or any of the info here?

help me out here, cuz I sure don't get your comment.

[diazbro]

well for many of us TWI was something we joined

with during our youth and it represented a tangible attempt at understanding the more serious aspects of life and spirituality so

we typicall deferred to leaders and those who

appeared to know more than us. So during this

time I don't think that a case for co dependency

could be made. We just flat out followed requests without question because we thought

that was the thing to do.

Now over time when the reproof became abundant

,as did screaming and yelling at people , its

quite possible that many of us modified our behavior to appease leaders while hoping to

prevent further outbursts. This is co depdendent

behavior but still most thought that there was

something wrong on a personal basis so it was

still like "well I guess I messed up else

they wouldn't be yelling at me".

And then eventually it became apparent that

these guys were running a game - they would

repeove you for nothing just as a means to

insure your continued and future compliance.

Leaders attempted to create a state of hyper vigilance and continual urgency so you could never really be relaxed. And if you yourself

were okay they would find something wrong with

the way you kept house or they way your spouse

behaved. They wanted you to forever be appeasing

them.

So at first I don't think it was codependent

behavior but man TWI had a good training program for it.

[oldiesman]

quote:

---

OM you weren't corp what do you know? At least speak of something you know about.

---

Danny I am. The folks I knew who were corps weren't mindless helpless co-dependent dysfunctional idiots. I wouldn't put you and others down like that.

TWI has no power over you except that which your actions allow.

-Zixar

[Schwaigers]

Check this out. It's a SUPER article about Christians and codependency. -Pat

http://www.nacronline.com/dox/library/donsmith.shtml

[imbus]

Here are a few more characteristics of CD.

Females are more apt to be codependent then males. Our society on a sub-conscious level influences and aims the role of care-taking to women. The same goes for traditional Christianity. Look at the Jobs that women fill in relation to their counter parts. Nursing, Social intrest,etc...

We have come a long way and our male counter parts are steping more into care-taking social shoes.

[imbus]

OOOOOPPPPPSSSS, I erased the CD part... how did I do that? I really need a class on this puter. Will include it tomarrow.

[waterbuffalo]

Oldies quote:

quote:

---

mindless helpless co-dependent dysfunctional idiots

---

I would watch putting all of those adjectives together, if I were you. Some of them may apply to yourself (because you also were in the way).

Just an observation...

WB

Edited May 19, 2004 by waterbuffalo

[imbus]

Here is some more of the list.

. Rejects compliments or praise.

. Think your not good enough.

. Be afraid of making mistakes.

. Feels sad that they spend their whole lives giving and nobody gives to them.

. Feel board,empty and worthless if they don't have a crisis in their lives, aproblem to solve or somone to help.

.Abandon their routine to respond to or do somthing for somebody else.

. Focus their energy on other peoples problems.

. Try to prove they are good enough for people.

Well just a few. I remember being a WOW and every action was CD based. I was not aware of it though.

ONe last thing... The Anxeity I experianced in my life I thought were personal attack of the advisary. I had no idea it was from PTSD and General anxeity diorder. Years of thinking I was under attack or that I was out of fellowship.

[excathedra]

i'm glad you're posting here sweet imbus

thanks