Digi Darlin' - I too lost someone very close to me to suicide and have had very similar questions as you. My someone close was my mother. Before she died she told me she had become an agnostic (like I called myself at the time) and no longer sure of God. That one haunts me to this day.
So not only do I have questions regarding her possibly being possessed when she died (and what the hell does that truly even mean anyways), but each and every one of her suicide attempts - was that d.s. possession I witnessed there?
And, I wonder if "once born again, forever born again" is true - I certainly hope so, but I no longer know for sure.
Of course, the way entering my life the very next year seemed at the time to be God answering my questions. They had answers for all my questions at the time. Now I'm not sure I know anything for sure.
Thanks for bringing this subject up.
And Dovey - I pray for you and your family daily. I cannot imagine surviving all you've been through. Love you.
Imbus, Wyteduv and Bowtwi ... thank you so much for sharing, I know how hard some of these life events can be to share with others, at least for me.
This thread ..... you all have no idea how much of an impact you have made on myself and my family.
My husband has a new outlook on possession and fear because of this thread. In essence, this alone helps our whole family.
Wyteduv ... your post brought tears to my eyes hon. Being a mom, I can't even take the pain of imagining of going thru what you have been thru. You are one tough lady, my Hats off to you. Bless your heart. You are in my prayers.
Bowtwi ... until Imbus posted, and now you, I felt that I was the only one who had dealt with a suicide here at GSers and even prior at Waydale. I know I am not alone. I see how much we had the same concerns and even fears regarding those we lost.
This thread finally brought the following to my mind:
I will be one that is truly happy when all this pain is put away from us and we are totally and completely healed. I know that if not by the word itself, I believe in my heart that God will see to this for all of us. He loves us and there is no condemnation.
I want to and have hope that I can stop condemming myself to fear and stop thinking that I am condemming my brother, who was the one whom committed suicide. Its not fair to those of us who are living or those who we loved who are not.
I don't even know if I am thinking correctly but I know I have HOPE now.
Whomever said "Love is the greatest power in the universe" I think it was Shuck
I am thinking I can love unconditionally, starting with loving myself and what I mean to God to begin with it.
Digi, bowtwi, and imbus How very sad for you that your loved ones comitted suicide. I have been told over the years that comitting suicide is a selfish act, but until we walk in thier shoes we don't know how much agony it took them to stay alive. I know when my son died I also wanted to die and seriously considered suicide myself because I felt the pain of living was just too much to bear, obviously I didn't do it, not because I didn't want to but because my hubby and daughter Kim who has alot of connections with a lot of doctors contacted a shrink she knew and asked him to treat me pro-bono as a curtesy and he said yes and he really helped get that idea out of my mind, I still take effexor for depression and pills to help me sleep as I haven't been able to sleep since he died, they really help a lot and so does my shrink, thanks to my hubby and daughter who read me like a book even tho I never said anything to them about it. So please don't be angry with them or yourself. What may push one person to suicide and another to not do it I think is the level of thier pain both mentally and physically.
I love you guys here in the cafe, thanks so much for your prayers. Love, Dovey
Thank you for sharing with us. I agree, Dovey, that many times we can't even imagine the pain that people are going through. I think it's probably very saddening and frustrating to God to see His kids going through so much turmoil.
Eventually there will be no more sadness and no more tears for all of us. But until that day, some of us handle the sadness and tears (real or exaggerated in our own minds) very differently. My heart breaks for the people who feel that extremely depressed and the families who love them.
My heart goes out to many of you who have had a lot of fear, TWI induced and before that. I have had a lot of fear in my life too. And when my life is so painful it's hard to bear, I'm under the sensation that death is not going to be a sweet release from it either. Which is what keeps me from doing myself in. (It's strange, TWI taught that death was of the devil, yet they teach that there's no pain or suffering in death, something that I think goes against the grain of the devil's plans) In fact, I sometimes dread that I might end up in a severely worse situation then than I'm in now. (you know, the burn forever in hell ....) It has caused me serious anxiety, and since about the first of the year, I've been having periodic anxiety attacks. In fact I had one last night. That garbage they taught us, I somehow wanted to believe (the part that I'm going to heaven and all hell can't stop me from going), but my inner being was saying it's not realistic. I don't know what circumstance caused me the greater fears, being in TWI, or being free from TWI. My parent church (I was brought up Catholic) really didn't help either.
I'm so thankful that we have a greasespot where we can share our feelings and interact with each other.
A fear I learned via twi...and just recently found out how deeply I held that fear...the fear of whatever one speaks will happen.
IMO, twi taught the fear of living, too.
Not by direct teaching, but by inference.
The whole point of twi's program was to get a better crown and win the race in the end.
Life was made miserable with too many contradictions, confusions, pains, fears, rigid rules, etc. Always, always, always, twi used afterlife rewards (or lack thereof) to motivate.
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bowtwi
Digi Darlin' - I too lost someone very close to me to suicide and have had very similar questions as you. My someone close was my mother. Before she died she told me she had become an agnostic (like I called myself at the time) and no longer sure of God. That one haunts me to this day.
So not only do I have questions regarding her possibly being possessed when she died (and what the hell does that truly even mean anyways), but each and every one of her suicide attempts - was that d.s. possession I witnessed there?
And, I wonder if "once born again, forever born again" is true - I certainly hope so, but I no longer know for sure.
Of course, the way entering my life the very next year seemed at the time to be God answering my questions. They had answers for all my questions at the time. Now I'm not sure I know anything for sure.
Thanks for bringing this subject up.
And Dovey - I pray for you and your family daily. I cannot imagine surviving all you've been through. Love you.
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dmiller
Bow -- yes it is true, but that is a doctrinal question, so I won't go into it here.
Suffice it to say that rewards are "added" or "subtracted", but status as a child of God does not change.
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Digitalis
Imbus, Wyteduv and Bowtwi ... thank you so much for sharing, I know how hard some of these life events can be to share with others, at least for me.
This thread ..... you all have no idea how much of an impact you have made on myself and my family.
My husband has a new outlook on possession and fear because of this thread. In essence, this alone helps our whole family.
Wyteduv ... your post brought tears to my eyes hon. Being a mom, I can't even take the pain of imagining of going thru what you have been thru. You are one tough lady, my Hats off to you. Bless your heart. You are in my prayers.
Bowtwi ... until Imbus posted, and now you, I felt that I was the only one who had dealt with a suicide here at GSers and even prior at Waydale. I know I am not alone. I see how much we had the same concerns and even fears regarding those we lost.
This thread finally brought the following to my mind:
I will be one that is truly happy when all this pain is put away from us and we are totally and completely healed. I know that if not by the word itself, I believe in my heart that God will see to this for all of us. He loves us and there is no condemnation.
I want to and have hope that I can stop condemming myself to fear and stop thinking that I am condemming my brother, who was the one whom committed suicide. Its not fair to those of us who are living or those who we loved who are not.
I don't even know if I am thinking correctly but I know I have HOPE now.
Whomever said "Love is the greatest power in the universe" I think it was Shuck
I am thinking I can love unconditionally, starting with loving myself and what I mean to God to begin with it.
Digi
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wyteduv58
Digi, bowtwi, and imbus How very sad for you that your loved ones comitted suicide. I have been told over the years that comitting suicide is a selfish act, but until we walk in thier shoes we don't know how much agony it took them to stay alive. I know when my son died I also wanted to die and seriously considered suicide myself because I felt the pain of living was just too much to bear, obviously I didn't do it, not because I didn't want to but because my hubby and daughter Kim who has alot of connections with a lot of doctors contacted a shrink she knew and asked him to treat me pro-bono as a curtesy and he said yes and he really helped get that idea out of my mind, I still take effexor for depression and pills to help me sleep as I haven't been able to sleep since he died, they really help a lot and so does my shrink, thanks to my hubby and daughter who read me like a book even tho I never said anything to them about it. So please don't be angry with them or yourself. What may push one person to suicide and another to not do it I think is the level of thier pain both mentally and physically.
I love you guys here in the cafe, thanks so much for your prayers. Love, Dovey
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WaywardWayfer
Imbus, Wyteduv, Digi and Bowtwi,
Thank you for sharing with us. I agree, Dovey, that many times we can't even imagine the pain that people are going through. I think it's probably very saddening and frustrating to God to see His kids going through so much turmoil.
Eventually there will be no more sadness and no more tears for all of us. But until that day, some of us handle the sadness and tears (real or exaggerated in our own minds) very differently. My heart breaks for the people who feel that extremely depressed and the families who love them.
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CKnapp3
My heart goes out to many of you who have had a lot of fear, TWI induced and before that. I have had a lot of fear in my life too. And when my life is so painful it's hard to bear, I'm under the sensation that death is not going to be a sweet release from it either. Which is what keeps me from doing myself in. (It's strange, TWI taught that death was of the devil, yet they teach that there's no pain or suffering in death, something that I think goes against the grain of the devil's plans) In fact, I sometimes dread that I might end up in a severely worse situation then than I'm in now. (you know, the burn forever in hell ....) It has caused me serious anxiety, and since about the first of the year, I've been having periodic anxiety attacks. In fact I had one last night. That garbage they taught us, I somehow wanted to believe (the part that I'm going to heaven and all hell can't stop me from going), but my inner being was saying it's not realistic. I don't know what circumstance caused me the greater fears, being in TWI, or being free from TWI. My parent church (I was brought up Catholic) really didn't help either.
I'm so thankful that we have a greasespot where we can share our feelings and interact with each other.
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Eagle
Good Thread.
1. Fear of not getting approval from leadership.
2. Fear of someone looking at you in the wrong way.
3. Fear I wasn't good enough for anything.
4. Fear of failure.
5. Fear of my own shadow.
6. Gradually, all that fear turned into anger, and instead a fear I was going to get violent with someone. I left.
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dmiller
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CoolWaters
A fear I learned via twi...and just recently found out how deeply I held that fear...the fear of whatever one speaks will happen.
IMO, twi taught the fear of living, too.
Not by direct teaching, but by inference.
The whole point of twi's program was to get a better crown and win the race in the end.
Life was made miserable with too many contradictions, confusions, pains, fears, rigid rules, etc. Always, always, always, twi used afterlife rewards (or lack thereof) to motivate.
Life ceased to be important.
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year2027
God
Hi all
It has blessed me to read this post
seeing fears falling off
seeing one helping another with love
It is good to grow together
I love to see a post begin and then have a path of help to others
I hope many more visit this tread to read the heart to hearts share here and the love shared here
with love Roy
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