I bring this up because a lot of us got twi as teens and stayed until later adulthood. I find that sometimes socially its hard for me because I had instant friends and then when I left I have been really naive about things.
It sounds like the problem at work has solved itself, since she is leaving. :D-->
My best advice that I can give is to keep calm, don't try to retaliate, and don't accept the negative opinion of others as valid.
Most reasonable people will try to be civil at work. There are people that I work with and work for that I don't particularly like, but I am always civil to them. Folks who go out of their way to be nasty, as this co-worker appears to have, have got a problem that goes way beyond what they think of you. Apparently she thought she was more valuable to the company than she actually was, and tried to blackmail the boss into getting rid of you. Looks like that blew up in her face.
I, for one, don't buy that this person is really ready to quit. I'm curious how long has she been working there? Longer than you? It sounds like a 'power play' to me. Why does she think she can just effortlessly manipulate the boss like that?
Most companies have a written rule that no employee may obstruct the work of another employee. There are probably other company rules forbidding individual employees from sabotaging the company team effort. You might try simply telling your boss that you really don't know what her problem is and that you're concerned that she is directly or indirectly obstructing your work.
Generally it's not good to go over someone's head, but sometimes you just need to do that. She has already done it to you.
that's a tough one vickles... I've really never run into it at anywhere I've worked... not to the degree you did... but I'd imagine I'd just try to 'steer clear' and trust that those who knew me (including those in authority) would not be effected by them...
...it's tough to do... and I think we'd all like to like who we work with, and to be liked by them, but it doesn't always happen that way...
I really do think it's their loss... and their wasted energy...
if you can't 'steer clear' then you need to go to your supervisor and ask them what they think about the situation and whether or not they'd want to mediate a 'sit down'...
Vickles -- Ahem -- you know that I am only 3 hours away from you, and I would dearly love to hop in the truck, put on some good tunes, have a thermos of coffee handy, and come down and *kick foot*, if need be.
And after I am done there, meebe you can come up here, and do some *kick foot* on my boss Tim, who intensely dislikes both the people he works with, as well as the job he is in.
Would you consider that an even *trade*?
I can use my height to my advantage, when getting in other folks faces, and would be glad to do so for you too. Just let me know. ;)-->
I would remain civil and never let em see me sweat.
1000Names says (and I wholeheartedly agree) the best revenge is living well. :)-->
I also agree it sounds like this woman is on some sort of power play and has some serious "issues" (I love that word). If she knows she is getting to you, it reinforces her bad behavior.
Oakspear and johniam offer you some good advice. Don't let other's behavior determine yours or your opinion of yourself (as much as possible) and do be sure your boss knows that you are willing to mediate with this person on this to work it out. Be calm, logical,and mature in your approach (as I'm sure you will be) remembering that you have the right to be heard in this situation.
As long as the approach is not passive-agressive,recognizes that some folks react viscerally to certain personalities, and can use good communication skills so that each side feels that they are heard, and doesn't seek to get someone in the middle of it (taking sides), folks can USUALLY work things out (though we have all known exceptions).
Oftentimes, someone who reacts this strongly accuses others of what they, themselves do.
Since you know what your boss has said to her, it sounds like your boss has a good head on their shoulders. He or she reacted logically to unreasonable demands.
I think too often in our twi past, we kept quiet when we should have calmly and maturely spoken up when we knew we should.
Vickles, my mom is a lot like you seem to be... biggest heart, willing and wanting to do anything in the world to make things pleasant and nice for everyone. :)--> It's a very admirable trait to have.
EVERYONE loves my mom and ANYONE who has a problem with her is automatically labeled as the problem. This is because she does not retaliate when someone attacks her or behaves inappropriately such as your co-worker has done. She paid for (out of her own pocket)some dental work for a young single mother in her office one time. The girl got fired for not doing her work and my mom had absolutely nothing to do with the girl getting fired, but the girl was so peeved that she sued my mom. My mother's character shined through and the case never made it to court.
These people are angry, bitter and extremely unhappy people and they look for the person they think they can take all their hate out on. Unfortunately that's you. It's sort of a compliment that you are so pleasant and happy and balanced that you are the one most different from them that they pick you. ;)--> Not much consolation, but it's probably the truth.
Like 1000Names said, "living well is the best revenge" - we've seen that here at GSpot. :D--> You are a wonderful, kind, caring person and those people are the problem, not you. Dismiss their insults and complaints. As Mama always says, "Keep on keeping on." and continue being your sweet self.
Keep it all professional, and never respond in kind.
When someone is behaving this way towards you, just do everything exactly by the book, and while you're at it, CYA (that means "cover your butt"). That is, document the hell out of everything, and hang on to those documents until you are *absolutely* sure you don't need them any more.
If you can show that you've done absolutely nothing outside of company policy, you're in the clear.
How do you know that your co-worker gave your boss an ultimatum?
How do you know that she had a long conversation with your boss complaining about you?
Whoever is telling you these things, maybe let her know it's time to keep it to herself. If it's your boss, I'd be very wary of her. She sounds like someone who likes to stir the pot to preserve her own power. Divide and conquer. I wonder if your problem is with the person relaying the information, and not with your co-worker at all. Your co-worker might have someone whispering in her ear about you, too.
peahead: Is that tongue-in-cheek? If you're trying to be funny, your timing and delivery are off.
I would not stay in a situation like that, and I actually went through something similar nad did leave a job and actually got a better (intellectually) and higher paying job.
Of course, anyone who intensely dislikes me I write it off as a serious character flaw on their part.
That said, it is best not to retaliate and it sounds like your boss is very level-headed and not easily swayed. However, I would suggest keeping notes or some sort of diary for your own reference, in case things start to go downhill. If the co-worker decides to hang with the job, she may get even nastier about getting you out of the way, and a record of the events will go a long way in your favor.
Keep lines of communication open with your boss and as much as you possibly can, try not to complain about anything the co-worker does. If she establishes herself as a big pain in the a$$, she'll get herself fired.
If you didn't do any think to bring it on just look forward and don't let it bother you. You can't make people happy if they are mad.
I find that there are people that I either like or hate at almost an instant. This I feel is discerning of the Spirit. Yes I do believe that.
Now as an employer. The instant I get an ultimatum I terminate employment( of the complaining person). When a personality problem comes up I try and work it out. Sometimes I sugjest that people find other employment. Then there are times I terminate someone because they cause problems.
But an ultimatum to an employer is stupid. If the employer bows to this there will soon be another and another.
Thanks so much you guys...it was very uplifting and answered some questions I have.
The supervisor didn't tell me but her assistant did but he is a very very close friend of mine that I do trust. And, there have been others that she has been telling that she is having major problems with me. These people I work very well with so I don't have a problem with it.
I am determined to stay at this job no matter what. When I was in twi I changed jobs every 6 months to a year. I continued to do this for years after leaving and I need to break away from it. I found that whenever I had a problem I would just quit and get another one. This job has the best benefits I ever had including three weeks paid time off after the first year. My first year is coming up. The other benefits I could not even compare or trade.
You all gave some really good advice and I really appreciate it.
David, LOLOLOL IT sure would be fun to trade just to get in other people's faces, huh? I got a good giggle out of that one.....lmao
I didn't get to see what peahead posted but I have a feeling it was probably good I didn't...thanks paw... :)-->
If you didn't do any think to bring it on just look forward and don't let it bother you. You can't make people happy if they are mad.
If they've made up their mind to hate you (for whatever reason), it would be fruitless to do the *in your face* stuff. Oak, Steve! and Abigail had great points about that too.
Guess I'll have to come up with a better reason for a road trip! ;)-->
David, you don't have to have a reason to stop by...bob would love to meet you!!!!!
It is so hard not to say anything or respond.
I also try to empathize with people like this and I think that it is something too twi'sh. I don't want to empathize with her or anyone that is so mean. That means if I do and she does decide to try and be friends I would do it and then open my heart to her and people like her...I've done it before and its like 'hey, I've been slapped in the face and it hurt, lets get slapped again!!!!'
Gosh vickles, if you figure it out....PLEASE let me know.
I landed my dream job a few months ago, and was told that if I was diligent in my work, was not late, didn`t call in sick etc....I would be able to get through the 90 days probation just fine.
Well I am within a week of that and the woman who is in charge of our shift has filled the boss with so many lies about me ....my head is spinning.
I have done a stellar job, and committed no infractions.....so the only thing they can use to get me fired is make up *safety* issues.
My boss is under the impression that I am a some sort of menace...some walking accident just waiting for a chance to happen..... inevitably, I will cause death to myself and possibly others, it is only a matter of time.....I am unable to defend myself, because that is considered *failure to accept feed back*.
In all likely hood I will be escorted out of the plant at the end of my 90 days due to this womans vinictivness....and I STILL have no idea what I did that put me in the cross hairs.
It is just plain meanness....I finally spoke up to my fellow employees and they without a doubt support, and find no fault in me.....I have been told that this woman is just ugly....
I have been dismayed and hurt by this unwarranted visciousness.....the back stabbing and lies....(course she is always solicitous and kind in front of our boss......acting like she oooonly has my best intrest at heart)....
I am deeply ashamed at the portrate that the boss has had painted...and she trusts this woman....
I am unable to comprehend anyone being so vindictive, without any provocation.
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vickles
I bring this up because a lot of us got twi as teens and stayed until later adulthood. I find that sometimes socially its hard for me because I had instant friends and then when I left I have been really naive about things.
I just don't get why people have to be so mean.
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Tom Strange
hey... it's their loss isn't it?
that's how I see it...
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vickles
So, Tom Strange, how have you dealt with it when people have personally attacked you?
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Oakspear
It sounds like the problem at work has solved itself, since she is leaving.
:D-->
My best advice that I can give is to keep calm, don't try to retaliate, and don't accept the negative opinion of others as valid.
Most reasonable people will try to be civil at work. There are people that I work with and work for that I don't particularly like, but I am always civil to them. Folks who go out of their way to be nasty, as this co-worker appears to have, have got a problem that goes way beyond what they think of you. Apparently she thought she was more valuable to the company than she actually was, and tried to blackmail the boss into getting rid of you. Looks like that blew up in her face.
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johniam
I, for one, don't buy that this person is really ready to quit. I'm curious how long has she been working there? Longer than you? It sounds like a 'power play' to me. Why does she think she can just effortlessly manipulate the boss like that?
Most companies have a written rule that no employee may obstruct the work of another employee. There are probably other company rules forbidding individual employees from sabotaging the company team effort. You might try simply telling your boss that you really don't know what her problem is and that you're concerned that she is directly or indirectly obstructing your work.
Generally it's not good to go over someone's head, but sometimes you just need to do that. She has already done it to you.
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Tom Strange
that's a tough one vickles... I've really never run into it at anywhere I've worked... not to the degree you did... but I'd imagine I'd just try to 'steer clear' and trust that those who knew me (including those in authority) would not be effected by them...
...it's tough to do... and I think we'd all like to like who we work with, and to be liked by them, but it doesn't always happen that way...
I really do think it's their loss... and their wasted energy...
if you can't 'steer clear' then you need to go to your supervisor and ask them what they think about the situation and whether or not they'd want to mediate a 'sit down'...
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dmiller
Vickles -- Ahem -- you know that I am only 3 hours away from you, and I would dearly love to hop in the truck, put on some good tunes, have a thermos of coffee handy, and come down and *kick foot*, if need be.
And after I am done there, meebe you can come up here, and do some *kick foot* on my boss Tim, who intensely dislikes both the people he works with, as well as the job he is in.
Would you consider that an even *trade*?
I can use my height to my advantage, when getting in other folks faces, and would be glad to do so for you too. Just let me know.
;)-->
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Abigail
I would remain civil and never let em see me sweat.
1000Names says (and I wholeheartedly agree) the best revenge is living well.
:)-->
I also agree it sounds like this woman is on some sort of power play and has some serious "issues" (I love that word). If she knows she is getting to you, it reinforces her bad behavior.
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Cindy!
vickles,
Oakspear and johniam offer you some good advice. Don't let other's behavior determine yours or your opinion of yourself (as much as possible) and do be sure your boss knows that you are willing to mediate with this person on this to work it out. Be calm, logical,and mature in your approach (as I'm sure you will be) remembering that you have the right to be heard in this situation.
As long as the approach is not passive-agressive,recognizes that some folks react viscerally to certain personalities, and can use good communication skills so that each side feels that they are heard, and doesn't seek to get someone in the middle of it (taking sides), folks can USUALLY work things out (though we have all known exceptions).
Oftentimes, someone who reacts this strongly accuses others of what they, themselves do.
Since you know what your boss has said to her, it sounds like your boss has a good head on their shoulders. He or she reacted logically to unreasonable demands.
I think too often in our twi past, we kept quiet when we should have calmly and maturely spoken up when we knew we should.
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Belle
Vickles, my mom is a lot like you seem to be... biggest heart, willing and wanting to do anything in the world to make things pleasant and nice for everyone.
:)--> It's a very admirable trait to have.
EVERYONE loves my mom and ANYONE who has a problem with her is automatically labeled as the problem. This is because she does not retaliate when someone attacks her or behaves inappropriately such as your co-worker has done. She paid for (out of her own pocket)some dental work for a young single mother in her office one time. The girl got fired for not doing her work and my mom had absolutely nothing to do with the girl getting fired, but the girl was so peeved that she sued my mom. My mother's character shined through and the case never made it to court.
These people are angry, bitter and extremely unhappy people and they look for the person they think they can take all their hate out on. Unfortunately that's you. It's sort of a compliment that you are so pleasant and happy and balanced that you are the one most different from them that they pick you.
;)--> Not much consolation, but it's probably the truth.
Like 1000Names said, "living well is the best revenge" - we've seen that here at GSpot.
:D--> You are a wonderful, kind, caring person and those people are the problem, not you. Dismiss their insults and complaints. As Mama always says, "Keep on keeping on." and continue being your sweet self.
Mama also says, "This, too, shall pass."
Good ole Mama!
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Steve!
I concur.
Keep it all professional, and never respond in kind.
When someone is behaving this way towards you, just do everything exactly by the book, and while you're at it, CYA (that means "cover your butt"). That is, document the hell out of everything, and hang on to those documents until you are *absolutely* sure you don't need them any more.
If you can show that you've done absolutely nothing outside of company policy, you're in the clear.
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peahead
.
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washingtonweather
promoting illegal and immoral activities is an unacceptable way to handle personality conflict
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laleo
Vickles:
How do you know that your co-worker gave your boss an ultimatum?
How do you know that she had a long conversation with your boss complaining about you?
Whoever is telling you these things, maybe let her know it's time to keep it to herself. If it's your boss, I'd be very wary of her. She sounds like someone who likes to stir the pot to preserve her own power. Divide and conquer. I wonder if your problem is with the person relaying the information, and not with your co-worker at all. Your co-worker might have someone whispering in her ear about you, too.
peahead: Is that tongue-in-cheek? If you're trying to be funny, your timing and delivery are off.
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waterbuffalo
Vickles, I agree with Laleo, the work environment sounds unhealthy. I would be looking for something better.
Laleo, I think pea was trying to be funny in a twisted sort of way. Hope you got a laugh out of it Vickles!
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washingtonweather
here's a third concur!
I would not stay in a situation like that, and I actually went through something similar nad did leave a job and actually got a better (intellectually) and higher paying job.
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wwjesuslaughat
Of course, anyone who intensely dislikes me I write it off as a serious character flaw on their part.
That said, it is best not to retaliate and it sounds like your boss is very level-headed and not easily swayed. However, I would suggest keeping notes or some sort of diary for your own reference, in case things start to go downhill. If the co-worker decides to hang with the job, she may get even nastier about getting you out of the way, and a record of the events will go a long way in your favor.
Keep lines of communication open with your boss and as much as you possibly can, try not to complain about anything the co-worker does. If she establishes herself as a big pain in the a$$, she'll get herself fired.
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ex70sHouston
Vickles
If you didn't do any think to bring it on just look forward and don't let it bother you. You can't make people happy if they are mad.
I find that there are people that I either like or hate at almost an instant. This I feel is discerning of the Spirit. Yes I do believe that.
Now as an employer. The instant I get an ultimatum I terminate employment( of the complaining person). When a personality problem comes up I try and work it out. Sometimes I sugjest that people find other employment. Then there are times I terminate someone because they cause problems.
But an ultimatum to an employer is stupid. If the employer bows to this there will soon be another and another.
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vickles
Thanks so much you guys...it was very uplifting and answered some questions I have.
The supervisor didn't tell me but her assistant did but he is a very very close friend of mine that I do trust. And, there have been others that she has been telling that she is having major problems with me. These people I work very well with so I don't have a problem with it.
I am determined to stay at this job no matter what. When I was in twi I changed jobs every 6 months to a year. I continued to do this for years after leaving and I need to break away from it. I found that whenever I had a problem I would just quit and get another one. This job has the best benefits I ever had including three weeks paid time off after the first year. My first year is coming up. The other benefits I could not even compare or trade.
You all gave some really good advice and I really appreciate it.
David, LOLOLOL IT sure would be fun to trade just to get in other people's faces, huh? I got a good giggle out of that one.....lmao
I didn't get to see what peahead posted but I have a feeling it was probably good I didn't...thanks paw...
:)-->
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dmiller
He he. Actually -- I like ex70's solution better.
If they've made up their mind to hate you (for whatever reason), it would be fruitless to do the *in your face* stuff. Oak, Steve! and Abigail had great points about that too.
Guess I'll have to come up with a better reason for a road trip!
;)-->
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vickles
David, you don't have to have a reason to stop by...bob would love to meet you!!!!!
It is so hard not to say anything or respond.
I also try to empathize with people like this and I think that it is something too twi'sh. I don't want to empathize with her or anyone that is so mean. That means if I do and she does decide to try and be friends I would do it and then open my heart to her and people like her...I've done it before and its like 'hey, I've been slapped in the face and it hurt, lets get slapped again!!!!'
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dmiller
Vickles --- Congrats on reaching 3,000 posts!
;)-->
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rascal
Gosh vickles, if you figure it out....PLEASE let me know.
I landed my dream job a few months ago, and was told that if I was diligent in my work, was not late, didn`t call in sick etc....I would be able to get through the 90 days probation just fine.
Well I am within a week of that and the woman who is in charge of our shift has filled the boss with so many lies about me ....my head is spinning.
I have done a stellar job, and committed no infractions.....so the only thing they can use to get me fired is make up *safety* issues.
My boss is under the impression that I am a some sort of menace...some walking accident just waiting for a chance to happen..... inevitably, I will cause death to myself and possibly others, it is only a matter of time.....I am unable to defend myself, because that is considered *failure to accept feed back*.
In all likely hood I will be escorted out of the plant at the end of my 90 days due to this womans vinictivness....and I STILL have no idea what I did that put me in the cross hairs.
It is just plain meanness....I finally spoke up to my fellow employees and they without a doubt support, and find no fault in me.....I have been told that this woman is just ugly....
I have been dismayed and hurt by this unwarranted visciousness.....the back stabbing and lies....(course she is always solicitous and kind in front of our boss......acting like she oooonly has my best intrest at heart)....
I am deeply ashamed at the portrate that the boss has had painted...and she trusts this woman....
I am unable to comprehend anyone being so vindictive, without any provocation.
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excathedra
i hope honesty and straightforwardness works for both of you with your bosses, vickles and rascal
other witnesses too, you can offer, right ?
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